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In Inspiration March 27, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

Titilayo Olurin: What Should You Do When You Feel Like The Odd One Out?

My sisters share a close bond, one that I envy. Whenever I am around them – which is not often, I feel like a stranger looking on from the outside. They speak as if in codes or parables that I do not understand.

“Wait, what? What did you say?” I would ask in the middle of the conversation, looking from one sister to the other like a lost kitten.

One of them, perhaps the older one, would repeat what she had said earlier. It could be a comment or question on something as random as a TV show or book.

“Oh, okay!” I would respond, nodding and smiling, pretending to understand.

Of course, I do not understand. I do not watch the TV shows they watch and I do not read the kind of books they read. So, all I do is nod as much as I can or smile when I think I have to.

They share jokes that are lost on me, and when they laugh long and hard, hitting each other on their shoulders, I only look on in amazement.

“What? What? Share the joke!” I would say, peeling my eyes off the TV for a moment and shifting excitedly in my seat.

The other sister, would repeat the joke, laughing heartily, but I would only stare blankly, the corner of my mouth not even twitching into a smile.

They speak the same way; I have heard that we all do. With my sisters, though, it goes beyond the voice, intonation or pronunciation. They think the same way, too; the way you would if you were raised in a largely conservative home.

One is my twin sister and the other is my big sister. Yet, it feels like they are the twins, and I am the other sister just hanging on. When I am back home with them, the sisters bond over what you would call “kitchen gist” as they cook or sit idly around the kitchen table. They say that kind of gist is the sweetest, but I have no idea, as I am not there to share in the gist.

I am not sure how it makes me feel. Maybe sad, alone, or dejected. But mostly, I feel like the odd one out.

Is being the odd one out such a bad thing?

“No, it is not a bad thing. You are not a bad person for being the odd one out. The fact that you are a good person could be the reason you are the odd one out. So, no, it isn’t a bad thing,” Adetoun, a Lagos-based nutritionist, insists.

If being the odd one out is not such a bad thing, why does it sound like the worst thing that could happen to someone and why do people feel hurt about it? I’ll admit that I have felt like the odd one out around my sisters for the longest time and it has always made me feel bad. It just hurts to be that one person that is different from her sisters and cannot talk to them the same way they talk to each other.

“I guess you can say that there is a feeling of being left out that comes with being the odd one out. And just because the word “odd” sounds like a bad thing, it makes people think of it as something negative,” the nutritionist explains.

I have also thought about how being the odd one out in a group is not unconnected with odd numbers. If you think about it, you will observe that even numbers can even themselves out while odd numbers cannot. What I mean is, when there are three siblings or friends or roommates, two will be closer, no matter how close all three are. The two will share secrets that they probably will not share with the third. They will connect on a level that they might not connect on with the third. These two leave the third one out without even knowing it.

“I have two best friends. I’ll call them A and B. The three of us hang out almost all the time. When I want to talk about boys or rant about my relationship woes, I know better to call A than to call B. When I want to talk about work and work-related matters, I would much rather call B. But because I tend to talk more about my relationship woes, I am closer to A than B,” Adetoun says, in a sense buttressing my point.

In a group of even numbers – let’s say four, for instance, the situation is different. Each pair can be closer than the other pair without anyone feeling odd or left out. Now, I might be wrong, and it is not always the case, but this is often how it happens. It is the same way it happens in movies, sitcoms and TV shows. In the sitcom, ‘Friends’, you cannot help but notice that while all six are close, Joey and Phoebe are closer than the other four, Monica and Chandler are closer than the other two, and that leaves Ross and Rachel to be the couple – at least, for the most part of the show.

Do you perhaps find yourself in a group where you are the odd one out – whether it is a group of odd or even numbers? Do you feel like the odd one out, not just among friends or siblings, but in a work setting or environment, at gatherings, events, church, or some other space? How does it make you feel? Find honest advice from real people on how to deal with being the odd one out here.

Don’t see it as a bad thing – “Being the odd one out isn’t a bad thing. It just means that you are different, and different is okay.” – Nene. 31.

It might actually be a good thing – “What if you are the odd one out because you are the one who does not gossip, the one who minds her business, the one who works the hardest? Tsk! Don’t sweat it, child. That is a good thing. Keep at it.” – Chioma. 36.

Stop trying to fit in – “Well, because you cannot; that’s why you should not even try. If you could fit in, you would have without even trying.” – Omotoke. 24.

Don’t let your uniqueness scare you – “You have your idiosyncrasies, just as everybody has theirs. But don’t let this scare you. You cannot fit into every group you find yourself in.” – OJ. 33.

You might not be the odd one out – “It is probably just all in your head. You’re imagining or overthinking things. Either way, do you and you’re good.” – Kolade. 44.

Titilayo Olurin is a writer whose stories and articles have been published on various online platforms. A love junkie, as she often describes herself, she is on radio every week talking about relationships, dating and family. She spends most of her time curating and creating content around these same topics on her Instagram page @toastlinewithteetee. You can connect with her on Instagram and Twitter @titilayo_olurin.

In Career Gems March 27, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Esther Ijewere: Helpful Tips for Single Parents-How to Stay Sane While Doing it All

With only one adult to act as a parent, some tasks are inherently more challenging. However, there are a few helpful things you can do to make the parenting journey a little easier for yourself and stay sane while doing it.

1. Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Before anything else can be done, you must be caring for your own needs adequately. Only when you are feeling well-rested and healthy can you be at your best for your children.

Many parents tend to put their kids’ needs first and their owns last, but that will result in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. Make time to eat regularly and healthfully, get plenty of rest, and squeeze in exercise whenever you can. Even a short walk around the neighborhood will help your body get much-needed movement and fresh air.

Your children depend on you, and it’s up to you to make sure that you are well-equipped and ready to take on that responsibility.

2. Join Forces with Other Single Parents

At times, it may seem like you’re the only person who knows what it’s like to be a single parent. However, the statistics say that there are many others who know exactly what you’re going through.

Find single parents locally, through your kid’s school, extracurricular activities, or even an app. There are also numerous online communities that can offer support and advice.

Join forces in order to form mutually beneficial relationships.

3. Build a Community

In addition to finding support with other single parents, also build a community comprised of families of all different types. Rather than focus solely on the single parent aspect of your identity, look for parents and kids who share other things in common.

Join a playgroup, get plugged in at a church, or get to know the parents of the kids involved in the same extracurricular activities. Having a community of a variety of people and families will bring diversity and excitement into your and your kids’ lives.

4. Accept Help

Don’t try to be a superhero and do it all yourself. There are probably people in your life who care about you and your kids and want to help you. Let them know what types of things would be most appreciated, whether it’s bringing meals once a week, helping with rides to school, or giving you time to yourself.

There is no shame in asking for help and accepting assistance from loved ones. You will not be perceived as weak or incompetent. You are being a good parent by being resourceful and allowing others to give you a much-needed break.

5. Get Creative with Childcare

Raising a child on a single income is a challenge, with the high cost of daycares, nannies, and other conventional childcare services. More affordable options are possible if you go a less traditional route.

6. Plan Ahead for Emergencies

As a single parent, a backup plan or two is a must in emergency situations. Make a list of people you know you can call in a moment’s notice. There will be times in which you need help, and it’s important to know ahead of time who you can rely on.

7. Create a Routine

Routine crucial for young children because knowing what to expect gives them a semblance of control. This is even more important when in a single parent home.

Establish a routine and schedule for your child as much as possible. This can include bedtime, before/after school, chores, meal times, and even a weekend routine.

Having a routine does not mean things cannot change. It is merely a default schedule to fall back on when no additional events or activities are going on. When your children know what to expect, they will be less resistant because they know what to expect, and days will run much more smoothly.

8. Be Consistent with Rules and Discipline

If your child has multiple caretakers, such as another parent, grandparent, or babysitter, communicate clearly on how discipline will be handled. Talk to your ex, if you are sharing custody, as well as any other caretakers about the rules and the agreed-upon approach to discipline.

When a child realizes that certain rules can be bent with certain people, he/she will use it to their advantage, causing additional issues with limits, behavior, and discipline down the road.

9. Stay Positive

Everyone has heard the saying, “Mind over matter.” But there really is so much power behind your mentality. It can change your perspective and make a difficult situation so much better.

Your kids will be able to detect even the smallest shift in your attitude. When the responsibilities of motherhood are overwhelming, stay focused on the positive things in your life, such as your friends and family. This will produce a much more stable home environment.

Maintain your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to be silly. Look towards the future and the great things that are still to come for you and your family. Rediscover and redefine your family values.

10. Move Past the Guilt

In a single parent home, it is impossible to act as both parents, regardless of how hard you try. Let go of the things that you cannot do as a single parent, and instead, think of the great things you ARE able to provide for your children.

Leave behind the notion that life would be easier or better with two parents. This is simply not true. There is a multitude of pros and cons to all family dynamics, and the one you are providing for your kids now is the one that they need.

Don’t get bogged down by guilt or regret. Take control of your life and be the best parent you can by being present and engaged with them on a daily basis.

11. Answer Questions Honestly

Your kids may have questions about why their home situation is different from many of their friends. When asked, don’t sugarcoat the situation or give them an answer that is not accurate.

Depending on their age, take this opportunity to explain the truth of what happened and how the current circumstances came about. Not all families have two parents, whether that is due to divorce, death, or whatever else life brings.

Don’t give more detail than necessary or talk badly about the other parent. But strive to be truthful and honest. Your children will benefit more from your candor than a made-up story.

12. Treat Kids Like Kids

In the absence of a partner, it can be tempting to rely on your children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But your kids are not equipped to play this role for you.

There are many details within an adult relationship that children are not able to understand or process, and it will only cause confusion and resentment.

Do not take out your anger on your kids. Separate your emotional needs from your role as a mother. If you find yourself depending on your kids too much, look for adult friends or family members that you can talk to about your issues.

13. Find Role Models

Find positive role models of the opposite sex for your child. It’s crucial that your child does not form negative associations with an entire gender of people.

Find close friends or family members that would be willing to spend one-on-one time with your kids. Encourage them to form meaningful relationships with people that you trust and that they can look up to.

Role models can make a huge difference in the path that a child decides to take, so be intentional about the ones that you put in your kids’ lives.

14. Be Affectionate and Give Praise

Your children need your affection and praise on a daily basis. Engage with your kids as often as possible by playing with them, going on outings, and encouraging open dialogue.

Affirm them in the things that they are doing well, no matter how small. Praise their efforts, rather than their achievements. This will inspire them to continue to put forth hard work and not give up when success is not achieved.

Rather than spending money on gifts, spend time and effort in making lasting memories.

Final Thoughts

Being a single parent is a challenging responsibility to take on. Without the help of a partner to fall back on, single parents have a lot more to take on.

However, studies show that growing up in a single parent home does not have a negative effect on achievement in school. As long as the family is a stable and safe environment, kids are able to excel and do well in life.

Use these tips in order to be a reliable and capable parent for your kids, while maintaining your own well-being and sanity.

In Editor's Choice March 26, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

‘My Mother’s Legacy Is The Inspiration Behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation’-Adefunke Oluremi Adewumi

Adefunke Oluremi Adewumi is a goal getter and a force to reckon with. She is committed to supporting indigent communities, providing shelter for homeless victims of domestic violence , and empowering widows and single mums across the nation, through her non-governmental organisation, Black Diamonds Support Foundation (BDSF).

Adefunke’s popularity increased with her annual outreach tagged ‘PROJECT 5000’ – An event which comes up every year, on the 26th of December, and brings together a minimum of 5000 indigent children from various slums across the state, and they are given free medical attention, free back-to-school packs, food, clothing, and a Christmas party. Her passion for seeing both children and adults live to their full capabilities and for women to thrive, birthed her creating the ‘ UNMASKED – Her Truth’ event, which allows women to be free, and be themselves, without the fear of being judged or condemned.

The Alumni of the University of Ado-Ekiti and Master of Arts in International relations and strategic studies from Benue state University is also the CEO of The Food Sense Shop- A business that boasts of selling a variety of African items across the world.

Defunke is a passionate Gender-based Violence advocate who has continuously used her platforms to advocate and support victims of domestic violence, rape , child abuse and molestation. and lend her voice to voiceless single mums in the society. She is committed to adding value to humanity and living intentionally.

She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I was born into a family filled with love and independence, my was my first role model , she was a skillful entrepreneur and counsel head . My mother was a perfectionist, and she could multitask diligently. She was a major mentor in what I’ve grown to become today. My house was always occupied by total strangers, homeless and orphaned children, widows and impoverished women and men because my mother was a philanthropist to the core. She embraces everyone and would even prefer to give her last drop of water to a thirsty stranger than for her to drink it.

I would say the life she lived molded me into what I do now , going over the edge to get things done and being able to spearhead multiple things at a time from my childhood .

Inspiration behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation (BDSF)

My mother’s legacy is the inspiration behind Black Diamonds Support Foundation, she was a lover of children , women , widows , orphans and the homeless. After she passed on to glory there were lots of people who depended on her for survival and I could not sit by and watch her legacy die.

Why I bring 5000 indigent children together for my annual project

Yes I do that to put smiles on the faces of these underserved children in mostly neglected communities. We have been running it for years. Unfortunately, It couldn’t hold in 2021 due to the covid 19 safety guides , instead we did project 5000 food boxes , we supplied 5000 families with raw food items that is enough to last for the festive period ( rice , noodles , spaghetti, semo, oil, garri, yam flour , pepper and tomato pastes) we also supported children with back to school items like bags and books.

Motivation behind my food items brand; “Food sense shop”

The Food Sense Shop was born out of my love for healthy foods, I appreciate nature alot and it had always been my dream to own my own raw food brand where I can change the common use of additives and chemical preservatives in our food items. Majority of the sickness out there is as a result of unhealthy foods and drinks we take in. To cause a change in getting local foods without preservation, led me to start the food sense shop.

My passion and drive for issues that affect women and children, such as rape, domestic violence and molestation, and we can get the society involved

I have been a victim of domestic violence, sexual assaults, child discrimination and abuse. This has been a drive for me to rescue as many as I can and my late mum for women and children when she was alive had been a force to do more than she had done. The helplessness of vulnerable women and children are heartbreaking, they can be traumatizing. I can’t just keep quiet when I know there is something I can do in my little way to help people. I can identify with them, I’ve been in their shoes, their hurts and abuse and hunger is like mine. We have gone to slums across the country to do our bits and we hope they pass it on too.

Challenges as an entrepreneur and stakeholder in the GBV sector

The economic meltdown is a major challenge for an entrepreneur like me, the prices of raw materials have skyrocketed by over a 100% and this kills business by paralyzing the demand curve. Despite being in the business of locally harvested crops. As a GBV Survivor and advocate, the laid-back attitude, insensitivity of our people, the cultural patriarchal communal living system, impunity, lack of funds and emotional trauma we face is extreme these days. Forget all the paperwork and policies. We are still far behind in getting it right as a country in the area of prompt sensitivity to GBV.

other projects and activities

Unmasked hertruth: A women group we created to intentionally be Deliberate to be better as women in all ramifications. A healing, learning and networking hub for women 16+.

We are also trying to raise funds for our humanitarian projects this year and extend our Humanitarian Services to more zones in Nigeria, and expand food sense shop in a global model as the number one choice for African (Nigeria) locally foods suppliers.

3 women who inspire me and why

My late Mum: She was a phenomenal legend. A giver per excellence. Philanthropist to the core who goes all out of her way to ensure women and children in her community do well. She is a lover of Humanity, she works for others to be happy

Tobore Anne Emorhokpor: She is the drive for the majority of our projects and goes all out to ensure our humanitarian projects do not go unaccomplished. Our coming together had helped us to achieve so many feats because she is selfless and committed to ensure women and children are not helpless in her own way.

Ellen DeGeneres: Her heart of giving is second to none and she is non judgemental and love everyone no matter who they are and help as many as she can help, without thinking of who or what they are

My perception of marriage as it relates to the Nigerian society

To me marriage is a union of togetherness and when I say ‘togetherness’ , it is in the entirety of its sense , in all aspects of the union . I am not a believer of the average Nigerian mentality that most couples practice, you’re married and you can both do what you like in the way that pleases either of you, a union should be about support, communication, motivation, growth , loyalty, commitment and a foundation built on God.

Stigmatization of single mums

There is so much stigmatization, Cultural setbacks and society victimizing single mums. There is so much to be done, but if single mums can give support to each other,dignifying their option of taking the bold steps of living for their kids despite societal judgmental insensitive patriarchal approach to them, they will rise above all the odds that is a daily factor to limit them from their goals in life. I will also want single mums to stop the pity party victimization of themselves. Being a single mum is not a disability. Be dignified

Being a Woman of Rubies, mom, entrepreneur, women’s advocate, and support system to many, and managing it all

I take each day as it come, as I know that each of these roles must not fail. So I do well in planning, delegating duties to others.

—

In Inspiration March 21, 2022 By Women of Rubies

She Wanted To Be A Lawyer But Ended Up A Carpenter, The Story Of Comfort Adzigbli

Adzigbli Nana Ama Comfort is a skilled carpenter, a not so common field that women thread. All the way from Ghana. She is a furniture architect and designer who had earlier wanted to be lawyer.

Adzigbli is the CEO and founder of Namas Decor GH. Her company offers services such as 3D mirrors, Beddings, Curtains, Furniture, Tiling & plumbing, 3D plan and architecture designs, Home & office interior & exterior décor, Event planning, Painting and wall arts.

As a young girl, Adzigbli dreamt of becoming a lawyer but to carry on her father’s legacy, she ended up becoming a female carpenter in a male-dominated industry.

“My Dad’s dying words to me affected me positively,” she said. “He said I will never be successful in any career aside carpentry. I laughed and asked why. He said I was born to lead the feminine generation into creativity.”

She grew up making penny boxes and fixing broken tables, chairs and petty damages at home with her dad. “I didn’t train to be a carpenter. My Dad was one and because I was Daddy’s girl I learned it from him. I was always with him whilst he was working,” she said in an interview with Ghanaian blogger Edward Asare.

Adzigbli didn’t take his words seriously at first so went ahead with her life after her father’s demise. She tried out several things before settling.

After completing her studies at Aburi Presbyterian Secondary Technical Senior High School, she joined the showbiz industry as a model, but did not excel and went into acting. That also did not go well hence she gave up on show business.

At that point, she decided to venture into carpentry with the knowledge and training she received from helping her late father. Adzigbli now runs a fast-growing carpentry and furniture design shop.

“Patience, humility, creativity, ready to learn and good human relations are attributes one must possess to survive in the industry, and she is proud to say she has got them all and is surviving well. It doesn’t get easier dealing with very complicated clients’ needs,” she revealed.

One of her biggest achievements has been putting up her own house and owning a car from the toils and sweats of working as a carpenter.

In self development March 21, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Grace Agada:Don’t Confuse Being Busy with Being Productive

One of the questions I get asked all the time is “how do you achieve so many things at the same time? What do you do to become more productive?”

I used to be a busy and overwhelmed workaholic. I worked hard on my job but I also gave people a lot of my time. The more time I gave away, the more my productivity dropped. It was not until I read the book No B.S Time Management For Entrepreneurs by Dan Kennedy that I changed all of that. I realized I was losing valuable time and I created structure and discipline around my time.

The better I became at managing time, the more valuable and wealthy I became. If you are not yet a multi-millionaire, chances are high that there is still a lot you can do with your time.

The Reality of a Busy Life

Perhaps you confuse being busy with being productive. They are totally different, and if you want more financial success in your life, you must move from busyness to productivity. Productivity is simply the ability to get the right things done in good time. It is the ability to focus on the 20% activities that produce the 80% result. Productivity helps a person turn time into money and live a balanced life. Spending the day in a ‘time treadmill’ where only a few unimportant things get done and pending tasks abound is a terrible way to live. Few things are sadder than a person who knows what to do but cannot muster the energy to do it. People who live like this are the least likely to succeed.

How Time Affects Productivity

You can become more productive when you pay attention to how you are using time. Time is the most valuable resource in the world. It is also scarce and irreplaceable. Time lost is life lost and all of Dangote’s money cannot buy one minute of yesterday’s time. Yet, time, on its own, carries little value. What gives it value is the productive work attached to it. Time invested in meaningful work is what leads to peak productivity. In short, becoming more productive is about mastering the act of giving meaning to time. Productive people know what they want and how to get it. Their energy, feelings, thoughts, and actions are congruent with one another, and their inner congruence leads to inner strength, meaning, and happiness.

How then can you become more productive?

Have an overarching purpose

Human beings take action for a reason and no one becomes more productive in the absence of a purpose. Having a purpose motivates you. It gives a person the ability to take action and push through obstacles, and this is the key to success. One of the ways to arrive at a strong purpose is to answer the following questions: Why do you want to be successful? What is the meaning of your life? How significant are the things you do every day? What makes life worthwhile and valuable for you?

Having clear answers to these questions is the secret to peak productivity and financial success. If you live life without a purpose, you cannot achieve productivity.

Set clear success goals

Setting clear goals is the key to bringing purpose to life. Purpose, on its own, does not lead to success. It is the ability to express purpose by achieving your goals that creates wealth. Achieving peak productivity is about setting clear goals and taking timely and purposeful action to reach those goals. What are the ultimate goals that would make a difference in your life? Are you investing time to achieve them or are you wasting time on trivial things?

Achieve the goals in the right order of importance per time

All goals cannot be achieved at the same time. While they may all be important, not all of them are important to the same degree per time. Since we have several goals and limited time and resources, we must rank our goals in order of importance. What goals matter for your success? Which goal is important per time? How do you achieve these goals and what do you do to your minor goals? These, and many more, are important questions to answer. Answering these questions is the key to achieving peak productivity.

To experience a truly productive life, you must give purpose and meaning to time. You must also set productive goals and achieve them in the right order.

To learn more about how you can achieve peak productivity and become more financially successful, send an email to info@createsolidwealth.com to get the Peak Productivity Formula, a free training program that will transform your financial life.

In lifestyle March 26, 2022 By Women of Rubies

5 Reasons Why Keeping a Mood Journal Is Best for Your Mental Health

You know there are days when you’re so happy and feel you can take over the world while there are other says you feel like everything is crashing around you.

It is human to shift moods every now and then and it is okay to allow yourself feel every emotion rather than hide or suppress them.

It is okay not to be okay.

It’s important to know that every mood you feel influences the way you act.

You may not be able to dictate how you feel at every given moment. However, you can take an extra step to know what each emotion means to you and how you can assess yourself while in that state of mood.

Why It’s Important to Track Your Mood

Have you ever noticed how you make bad decisions when you’re angry? Or how you can’t think straight when you feel downright sad?

It’s not surprising that the way we think, or the decisions we make sometimes heavily rely on our mood. This is why we need to keep track of it.

One of the best ways to do this is to write down your mood in a journal. Writing things down will help you understand and manage yourself better. You’ll be able to recognize what triggers your moods and find out how you can take actions that best serve your highest self.

A mood journal is a great way to identify personal factors that affect your mood daily.

Not only does writing in your journal build self-awareness, but it also helps you figure out how you can avoid triggers from happening altogether.

5 Reasons Why Keeping a Mood Journal Is Good for Your Mental Health

Tracking your mood is a helpful way to improve your mental health. If you don’t control your emotions, your emotions will end up controlling you and if you asked me, that is a recipe for disaster.

Here are the top 5 reasons why you should start mood journaling.

1. It Helps You Determine a Course of Action

When you’re aware of how you’re feeling, you can better understand what you need.

Think about the last time you found yourself spiraling emotionally. Did you feel like you could make a decision at that moment? Probably not.

When you are overwhelmed, you feel paralyzed to take action.

A mood journal will help you take notice of your day-to-day emotions so you can figure out the best ways that you can respond to them.

2. It Helps You Express Your Emotions

If you are someone who is prone to overthinking and worrying about everything, it’s imperative that you express your emotions through writing.

A mood journal is a safe container where you are given the space to feel without judgment. It’s a process that is both therapeutic and empowering. You don’t have to worry about how someone may receive your words because you’re having a dialogue with yourself.

Trust me when I say that you don’t have to carry around the weight of your feelings for one day longer. You deserve a break, so give yourself the gift of self-expression through journaling.

3. It Will Support Your Healing Process

Mood journaling allows you to sort through the difficult events that have occurred in your life so that you can start making sense of them.

More importantly, this therapeutic process allows you to come to a deeper understanding of yourself, which is a core piece of the healing process.

Healing is your birthright. If you have been struggling to make sense of the trauma you’ve endured, I encourage you to start writing your way towards better mental and emotional health.

4. It Helps Reveal What Your Triggers Are

We all have emotional triggers. It’s a part of being human. Someone will say something that triggers an emotional reaction that throws you off your game.

Emotional triggers are people, words, opinions, situations, or environmental situations that provoke an intense and excessive emotional reaction within us.

When you don’t do the work to figure out the root of these triggers, your emotions will get the best of you.

Use a mood journal to write down moments when you feel triggered. Take note of how you felt and what your reaction was. As you write, you will start to bring awareness to your triggers and start noticing patterns between how you feel and behave.

5. It Helps You Find the Silver Lining

When negative emotions get the better of you, you can’t help but flounder in negativity. In this state, it can become near impossible to be positive. This is where the mood journal comes to play.

The more that you write, the more that you feel in control of your emotional state and the less stressed you feel. Negativity feeds off of stress.

Journaling presents an opportunity for emotional catharsis, which thereby helps your brain regulate emotions. In turn, when you encounter adversities in life, you will be more inclined to find the silver lining.

When you start to witness the changes that occur as a result of the inner work you’re doing, you will feel more empowered knowing the impact you have had on your own mood. These are the silver lining moments that you want to pull upon when you’re having down days.

How to Write a Mood Journal

Personalizing your prompts according to your preference will help you form a deeper connection with your inner self.

Make a table of three columns. The first column should be for the emotions you feel.
While the second should be for the possible reasons you think affect your mood.
The last column should be for the actions and steps you took as a result of how you felt.

Or you can get a customized mood journal templates online.

When you become aware of a shift in your mood, write down what the change is in your journal. At the same time, observe how you feel in your body when you’re writing.

Also, make note of what you were doing when this mood shift occurred and who you were with. Equally as important is to reflect upon what was going on with your internal world. Name the emotion or thought that was going through your head.

Conclusion

Tracking your mood through a journal will help you organize your thoughts better and give you more understanding as to why and how you feel certain emotions

In Editor's Choice March 12, 2022 By Women of Rubies

#Interview| I Started Safe Pregnancy Africa To Curb Maternal And Child Mortality Rate- Emmanuella Inah

Nurses are unique, they have the insatiable need to care for others, and that is their strength. Caring is the essence of nursing and midwives . These words describe Emannuella Inah , a registered Nurse and Midwife who is touching lives, and changing narratives through her work.

She is passionate about seeing that women of African descent go through pregnancy effortlessly and are armed with information relevant for maternal and child health. Through her initiative; Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community of black women which she founded. Emmanuella dedicates her time to teaching and mentoring women through the trimesters of pregnancy, contributing to curbing maternal and child mortality rates in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.

She is also the founder of the Preggy pidgin podcast, a platform that gained global recognition after emerging as one of the 35 best pregnancy podcasts in the world in 2021. She uses the platform to reach the inner cities of Africa, educating people on successfully transitioning from pregnancy to delivery without complications using the Nigerian pidgin, a language as old as Nigeria and spoken in several countries of the Africa continent.

In 2020, Emmanuella was listed as one of the 100 outstanding women Nurse and Midwife leaders in the world. A list which was compiled by the World Health Organization, International Council of Midwives, Nursing Now, Women in global health and UNPFA.

She has three books to her name, one of which is titled “The PREGGY workbook “ . It is a simplified guide to going through pregnancy and labour with concrete information and a space for the pregnant woman to journal her experiences using prompts and questions from the book. The book is written with captivating content laced in stories that catches the human’s heart and attention.

Emmanuella is a force to reckon with and a visionary. She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Growing up

The thought of being a Nurse or midwife never crossed my mind until a school Nurse said I acted like a real Nurse. This was in primary school, many years before I became an adult but her words never left my mind. I would later ask my mother if I truly behaved like a Nurse. It was all exciting, I took her words as a compliment, dear compliments. What nobody realised was that She planted a desire in my heart. I read books because my mother said Nurses read big books and solved hard mathematical equations because papa says it’s what Nurses do. My uniforms were neat and ironed because I didn’t want Nurse Joy to take back her kind words. The foundation for the Nurse I am today was laid years before I realised I would someday be a Nurse.

I grew into loving the profession, I had access to beautiful videos and pictures of Nurses , my mother made them available, she told me lovely stories too. Those stories infiltrated my subconsciousness and made me long for the day I would wear the Nurse’ white gown and the Nightingale’s cap. So, it wasn’t difficult to choose Nursing when I got two admission letters to either study Nursing and Chemical Science.

Inspiration behind my initiatives; Safe Pregnancy Africa and Preggy pidgin podcast

In 2018, I and three other midwives were posted to a community in Nigeria to serve for a month. In those few weeks, my eyes were opened to the large knowledge gap amongst pregnant women. The things I considered simple and expected everybody would know were things many of the women didn’t know. In that community I saw that women got pregnant by chance, there was never preparation for the health of the woman, the finances of the family, education on recognising danger signs in pregnancy and generally poor knowledge on how to successfully transition from pregnancy to puerperium.

My colleagues and I did a good job in educating the villagers, we took health education to the village squares and markets, and held meetings with the Chiefs on how to get funding for the Primary Health care centre.

When I got back home, there was unrest in my spirit. I knew there were other women in several other places with zero knowledge about their health, body and pregnancy. So, I went online and created Safe Pregnancy Africa, a community for women of African descent where I would educate on everything that bothers maternal and child health. A platform where I could answer questions and give guidance to as many women as I could reach.

In 2019, I realised my message was better understood when I taught in Pidgin English. I got many women asking questions for more clarification and many others speaking out. It bridged the language barrier I never knew existed. I was able to break down compound topics like Preeclampsia/eclampsia into understandable bits teaching in pidgin. This gave birth to the Preggy Pidgin Podcast. The listenership has grown from Nigeria to 38 other African countries with positive feedback every week.

Preggy pidgin podcast nominated as one of the 5 best pregnancy podcasts in the world

Consistency made that happen. It is one thing to take a step, it is another thing to remain consistent. I understood that for my message to penetrate the busy online space and get to my core audience, I have to remain consistent.

The journey so far

So far, so good. It may sound cliche but that is how it’s been.The feedback has been great, the love and positivity are some of the motivation that fuels my conviction and consistency.

Why I pitched my tent in the nursing and midwifery sector

Becoming a Nurse was easy because I believe life prepared me for the profession, but specializing in midwifery came as a result of an event that happened in 2012. It happened on a Sunday when many people had gone to church. A young lady from the village had come to stay with her husband in the neighbourhood. It was just her third week in town but she was almost due to deliver. That morning, her scream stormed the yard. The lady was in labour and not just that, the baby’s head was already in the vulva. I still don’t know if she attempted to deliver the child herself but the child’s head was trapped between her thighs and it was already turning blue. I was the first to rush into her room before other women joined in. That sight has never left my head. At that moment I wished I could do something, something to help the woman and her baby whose eyeballs were already swollen. She lost the child. Later on, I would come to learn about precipitate labour but I still wonder what happened to the dear lady. That was the first time I wished I were a midwife. Also, the growing rate of maternal mortality inspired my decision to become a midwife. I wanted to contribute my quota to the noble course of ensuring that women especially of the African descent go through pregnancy ready, healthy, and knowledgeable.

Challenges of my work

Trust! I am a petite midwife and often, women in labour would like midwives who look physically competent. Funny right? But I have had a few challenges proving myself.

Other projects and activities

I am working on funding and distributing birth packs to 3 communities in Nigeria under Safe Pregnancy Africa. Also, I am looking to partnering with international organisations to carry out health centre renovations and sponsor training for health workers.

What I enjoy most about my job

It is the satisfaction. Nothing compares to the peace of welcoming a child into the world. Midwifery is a ministry. My hands have touched and handled purity. From the first time a newborn takes their first breath and lets out that loud cry, I am there. I think it’s right to say, I stand by the gate of life. Hahaha.

3 women who inspire me and why

One of the women that inspire me is my mother. She is very resilient and confident. Once she sets her mind to do a thing, wink an eyelid and you see the results displayed. She is focused, determined and loving.

Remi Owadokun is another woman that inspires me, she is smart. Remi utilizes resources within her environment and her reach to achieve goals one would think are farfetched. She is smart.

Ugochi Obidiegwu is a focused woman. She inspires me. I have seen her take up projects that seemed complex and accomplish them in a moment of time.

These women play huge roles in my life and I am blessed to have them.

Women’s awareness on maternal and child mortality rates

Not many women realize that the mortality rates are high. If we share these details with more women, they will be more interested in knowing details about their health before even falling pregnant. That is why The Preggy Pidgin podcast pushes this information through pidgin English, trying hard to ensure that more women understand the process of transitioning from no pregnancy to pregnancy and everything in between.

What can we do better as a society to educate women on mortality rate and safe pregnancy

It starts from the grass roots. If we could dedicate more time to teaching during Antenatal clinics in health centres. Answering questions without the terminologies and creating a warm setting for women to be free to express themselves. Also, training or educating the Traditional Birth Attendants ( TBA). Most women in our communities trust the TBA, if we could arm more TBAs with correct information, then they would know what to say to the women who trust them and such information would correspond to global standards.

One thing I wish to change in the midwifery sector, especially in Nigeria

Remuneration of staff!

Being a Woman of Rubies

I am teachable, smart and loving.

In Interviews&profile March 10, 2022 By Esther Ijewere

Meet Funke Adeoye, The Lawyer Who’s Helping Prison Inmates Get Justice & Advocating For Reforms

Funke Adeoye, a public interest lawyer who’s the founder and executive director of Hope Behind Bars Africa, a community of volunteers building a social profit organisation committed to restoring justice, dignity and hope to the lives of women and men living behind bars with particular emphasis on indigents, women and young inmates.

Funke‘s goal is simple: to promote the development of effective and sustainable interventions for increasing access to justice, human rights and reducing a cycle of recidivism/re-offending among women and juvenile offenders housed in correctional facilities in Africa.

Funke decided to become a lawyer because she wanted people, especially the underserved, to access justice. While writing her thesis on prison reforms in Nigeria, she decided to do something about the problems she discovered – so many people in prisons are poor and they can’t afford legal representation; then there’s the issue of lack of information. This idea became more concrete when she volunteered with an NGO and visited prisons.

After she spoke to lawyers about the situation of things, they told her they want to act, but they needed a platform, and she decided to create one.

Today, with headquarters in Abuja, the organisation works with volunteers in Abia, Niger and Nasarawa states in Nigeria.

Since founding the non-profit in May 2018, Hope Behind Bars Africa has represented well over 50 indigent awaiting trial inmates in criminal and human rights cases in Abuja, Niger and Abia states, many of whom should never have been in prison in the first place.

The non-profit’s welfare interventions have reached over 1000 inmates at Suleja and Keffi Prison. It is advocating and working towards the emergence of a humane and secure correctional system where justice is easily accessible to indigents and people who find themselves behind bars are corrected and empowered to prevent re-offending.

Funke is a 2019 Accountapreneur with Accountability Lab and a Cornell Center on the Death Penalty Worldwide Makwanyane Institute Fellow.

We celebrate Funke for being a voice for the voiceless and for leading a change in the Nigerian correctional system.

In Interviews&profile March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

How Veronica Lucy Gordon Broke Into South Sudan’s Male Dominated Industry To Establish Her Radio Station

Veronica has been speaking out since she was a child. As a secondary student, she noticed a gap between what women were doing in their communities and what was reported in the media. To address this, she did research in her community, wrote up her findings in a school newspaper—and pinned her work to the walls for the other students to read.

Veronica went on to become a pioneering journalist, radio broadcaster and producer.

As a producer, Veronica created educational programs on family planning, reproductive health, childcare and other topics of importance to women. More recently, she founded theAssociation of Media Women in South Sudan and established her own radio station.

Her work is critically important in this newly independent country. South Sudan sank into civil war last December, less than three years after gaining independence.

In South Sudan, men own most private media companies and the majority of reporters are men. Most female journalists work for state-owned media companies where men also have more decision-making power, and where political bodies censor the content. As a result, there is very little space for women’s voices in South Sudanese media.

Veronica’s organization aims to add more balance to the news by increasing the visibility of women’s issues and offering support and training to female journalists. Veronica’s radio station also gives women in rural areas the opportunity to learn about government policies and services, and to express their views on local and national issues.

“It is very important to have women in media and women as civil society,” says Veronica. “I had to take the initiative of establishing an association for media women in South Sudan so that we fill the gap of having balanced information and to advocate for the rights of women through and in media.”

WATCH Veronica Lucy Gordon speak about the importance of women in media

Credit: Noble Women’s Initiative

In Inspiration March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Meet Queen D.Tardoo,The First Woman From Benue State To Study Aeronautical Engineering

Queen D. Tardoo who hails from Benue state, is said to be the first lady to study Aeronautical Engineering from the state.

In an interview with Wisdom Nwedene, Igbere TV & 9news Nigeria editor, Tardoo shares how she became first lady from Benue State to study Aeronautical Engineering.

She narrated the challenges she experienced studying the course in Philippines. She also revealed that she studied Computer science at Benue State University before she traveled to Philippines to obtain her second degree.

Read excerpts below,

How do you feel being the first girl to study Bs Aeronautical Engineering from Benue State?

“I am overwhelmed with joy. It hasn’t being am easy journey. I also feel blessed, honoured and accomplished. I was always told aviation especially aeronautical engineering wasn’t for women. But I have had to opportunity to prove that wrong. It is also a responsibility to motivate other women, especially from benue state and make them understand that they can do even greater things regardless of their gender.”

Which part of Benue State are you from?

“I am tiv, from Ushongo Local Government Area”

Can you tell us about the University which you studied this course?

“I studied in two different schools. I started my course in the year 2014 at PATTS college of aeronautics, paranaque, Metro Manila Philippines. Studied there from 2014 – 2017. Then I transferred to Holy Angel University, Angeles City, Philippines. Studied there from 2017 – 2019.”

Wow! That’s nice. Did you study in any university in Nigeria before travelling to Philippines?

“Yes. I studied in Nigeria. B.S Aeronautical Engineering is actually my 2nd Bachelor’s Degree. I took up B.Sc Computer science at Benue State University, Makurdi.”

That’s very great. You look pretty young. Can you tell us about your age? And having studied both in Nigeria and Philippines, is there any difference in the system of education?

“I am 28years old.”

“Yes. There is a difference. The Philippines has adopted the American system of education which is quite different from the system in Nigeria. Both systems of education have their pros and cons.”

What made you to achieve this feat?

“Determination, perseverance, hard work, support from my family and friends (most especially from my mum) and most importantly God’s mercy and blessings.”

Does your mom live in Philippines or she is in Nigeria?

“She lives in Benue state, Nigeria.”

Can you tell us about a project that you worked on in school. Did you run into any difficulties? If so, how did you handle it?

“I worked on a few projects while in school both academic and extra curricular ones. Hence, I am the reigning Miss Holy Angel University, Philippines. I am always involved in one project or the other. But, the one project I am most proud of is my final research work. I worked on a birdstrike prevention project for my final research in 5th year. A project feasibility study which had to do with the use of laser lights to prevent bird-aircraft crash.(birdstrikes). And this particular project won me a medal as the best thesis of the year 2019 in the Aeronautical engineering department of Holy Angel University, Philippines.”

What challenges did you encounter in the process of achieving this feat?

“There were alot of challenges, being a black person in an Asian country isn’t always great. You experience a lot of racism and it affects you as a student. Also, being female in a field that is considered to be for the male gender is also not easy. You have to prove yourself all the time, you are always stereotyped to be not competent enough. Aeronautical engineering itself is very challenging. You have to study extra hard and make a lot of sacrifices, but it will always be worth it in the end.”

What motivates and inspires you?

“My mother has always been my inspiration. She is the strongest person I know and everytime I think of the sacrifices she makes for me. I want to be a better person not just for me but for her. I have also cultivated the habit of turning my challenges into motivations. Whatever challenge I face at a particular time, I try to extract some positivity from that situation, make sure I learn from it and build myself into a better human being.”

What are your hobbies?

“My hobbies. I am an athlete as well so I like athletic events, I like to play volleyball, go bowling, watch sports channels, especially football. I also like to read, dance, listen to music and taking a walk on the beach with my bare feet.”

Who are your mentors?

“My number one mentor will still be my mother. She contributed alot in molding me into the person that I am today. I find myself looking up to her and learning a lot from her. I have always wished to develop myself into the kind of woman that she is and by God’s grace even better.”

Do you have plan of coming back to Nigeria since you have finished your study over there?

“Nigeria will always be my home and I can return at anytime. But the goal right now is to further my studies, obtain alot of licences and also work at the same time. Hence, there isn’t any university in Nigeria that offers a master is aeronautical or aerospace engineering. I will not be returning home immediately. But, I will visit from time to time.”

Source: yabaleftonline