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In self development February 23, 2021 By Women of Rubies

How to Achieve Financial Independence and Grow Your Wealth

Let’s be real, money can be overwhelming, period. Add to that a society built on consumerism, aesthetics, and status (Instagram can literally target you based on your conversations) and you have a recipe for anxiety. It seems like we’re all working harder and harder just to live and to be honest, financial independence can seem like a pipe dream to many of us. While getting there isn’t always easy, it is possible.

Building wealth and getting clarity around your finances doesn’t have to be daunting or stressful. In fact, with the right practices instilled, it can be liberating.

If you want to be one of them, then read on to educate yourself about debt, value-based spending, the best saving habits, financial freedom, and the key components that lead to financial success. It won’t be easy to implement these new habits, but you certainly won’t regret it.

ONE- Pay Off Your Debts.

Not all debts are bad. Debt with a plan can actually be really good for acquiring assets. These are ‘good debts’ as they are spent on investments and assets that are valuable and can be liquidated in the long run.
‘Bad debts’ are those debts you use on consumption.

When you have a million naira personal income and you have a debt of 500 thousand naira that is due or will be due, it is advisable you pay off your debts first before you calculate how much you really own.

If you have more than one debt, pay off the one with the highest interest rates or the one with the highest balance first.

TWO – Determine Your Priorities.

When you prioritize debt, think about high interest versus low interest. You can build emergency funds simultaneously while paying off your debts because if you do not have an emergency fund, you may slip back into that debt if real emergency happens.

Being in debt is stressful so you will feel more compelled to rid yourself of that burden. High-interest debt steals from your wealth; values-based spending helps you get in alignment with building wealth, and an emergency fund protects your wealth so that you don’t slide back into high-interest debt.

THREE- Practice Value-Based Spending.

The first step is awareness – know what you’re spending.
Look back at the last three to six months of your spending and analyze how much you’re spending on your lifestyle.

It is easy to often assume that you are just paying for rent and food but our brains want to rationalize that we’re on our best behavior, so it doesn’t allow us to think about all of the subscription boxes.

Value-based spending is a lot easier than budgeting. Setting a budget can feel restrictive, like being on a diet.

You spend within your budget for a week and then you see that dress on Instagram and you click.

But if you have values, you will see that that instant gratification won’t be gratifying for long because it’s not aligned with our values. Once you determine three values that really matter to you, you’ll find that they can function as a filter. An example would be equity, family, and leverage (when you’re willing to spend money on things that help make life easier). Buying the shoes doesn’t align with any of those pillars, so it needs to be a preplanned choice.

FOUR – Open a High-Yield Savings Account.

Saving is the inverse of spending. Parkinson’s law states that work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Basically, any one thing can shrink or contract to the size of its container. In relation to money in a bank account, the reason you end up spending what you should be saving is that it’s right there, visible, in your checking account.
Open a high-yield savings account and automate transfers on a monthly basis. That recurring act will give you accessibility to only what you should be spending.

Consider investments as well, but make your research so you are investing in what you are knowledgeable about.

FIVE – Understand the Definition of Financial Freedom.

Financial freedom is an equation: enough passive income to outpace your expenses. When you have financial freedom in your life, work becomes an option instead of an obligation.
Financial freedom allows you to enjoy your wealth because time is no longer a finite resource.
When you go to work, even as an entrepreneur, you are trading time for money. But, if you can buy assets to create additional income, then you are trading money for assets that bring you more money.

If you get on this train and educate yourself, you will find that you don’t always have to rely on yourself and your body to make money. It takes a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice to get up every morning and go to work.

SIX – Instill the Key Components That Lead to Financial Success.

Six qualities that every wealthy woman should try to encompass:

Planning: Determine your financial goals, write them down, and find an accountability partner. You can’t get what you want if you don’t plan for it. When it comes to money, you have to be goal-oriented.
Frugality or Intentionality: Commit to saving more, spending less, and sticking to a plan. This formula leads to an ability to have a passive income because if you spend all of your money then there will be nothing left to invest it.
Confidence: In order to gain financial confidence in managing your money and investing, you need financial education. We didn’t learn this in school. You have to go and find it, otherwise, you will stay in a state of stress. Inaction is terrible for your finances.
Responsibility: Accept your role in financial outcomes and take action to make financial changes in your life.
Focus: See your process through to completion one step at a time. Accountability is crucial.
Social indifference: Don’t succumb to buying the latest thing as a means of feeling good. If you practice this, it will change your life. Women are the targets of consumerism. But, if you appreciate how you look and how you are inherent, you will save yourself a lot of time, money, and energy.

In self development February 20, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Meet Onyi Moss-The Chartered Accountant Turned Creative And Independent Artist

It’s not everyday you come across a qualified accountant who’s now a creative and independent artist – this is the story of Onyi Moss. Born and raised in Nigeria, Onyi grew up surrounded by inspiration from the likes of Onyeka Onwenu and Tracy Chapman whom her parents would have playing on the radio and television over and over again.

Speaking to Onyi it would appear she always had a passion for the arts as she reminisced about her mum’s rose gardens and tie and dye projects which she got to experience as a kid. But the practicality of succeeding socially and financially back then in the creative industry seemed quite farfetched to her hence her decision to pursue a career in accounting.

Having gained a BSc in the subject matter, she successfully took on a role in one of Nigeria’s top leading banks after completing her NYSC. Two years in her banking career, she chose to seek out more for herself unbeknownst to her what the future had in store.

At the age of twenty-two Onyi caught a flight from Abuja International airport to the UK to begin her studies to qualify as an ACCA chartered accountant. Something she was able to achieve within a couple of years. However, things didn’t go as smoothly as she anticipated as she struggled to get a job in finance which saw her unemployed for over a year. It was in that time that she decided to expand her horizon and reconsider her love for the arts.

Stuck at home with very little to do, Onyi began drawing inspiration from other women on her television screen just as she did as a kid. Only this time, these women were self taught photographers who told beautiful visual stories. Rather than pay her rent that month, she took what I can only describe as a bold step to purchase a camera to begin teaching herself photography. She had seen her dad document their family life as a kid using his film camera. Something he was eventually forced to give up when it got stolen.

That was the extent of her experience with photography. But as I got to know Onyi while chatting to her, I realised she’s not one to shy away from what one might class as a scary decision. She took on the role quite literally and began taking self portraits. She learnt about photography and editing by watching YouTube tutorials and made sure to put her new skills to practice. And even when she eventually got a job in finance in a bank, she still carried on with her photography. Sometimes staying up until the early hours of the morning, editing images she had captured after a long day at the office.

Her hard work and dedication didn’t go unnoticed as big name brands began discovering her work on social media and offered to pay her to shoot editorial campaigns for them. Eventually she left her role at the bank even after doing very well there. She managed to gain three promotions in her first eighteen months. But she knew if she didn’t take a chance on herself to see where her new creative passion led, it wouldn’t sit well with her, especially giving the opportunities that had come her way. It turned out it was another great resolve as she puts it.

Onyi went on to win multiple awards for her work and even became a brand ambassador for a top leading UK jewellery brand. She felt the need to not just focus on still images but also delve into film by telling visually pleasing stories. You can truly see the passion in her work. Some of her short films have gathered hundreds of thousands of views on social media. In creating film, she rediscovered her love for writing music as she knows that music plays a key role in storytelling. This is what led her to begin working on her EP.

Her debut single ‘In Your Eyes’ was released a few weeks ago and is currently being played in radio stations across the UK including the BBC. When I asked her what the song was about she described it as “the glimmer of hope that can sometimes be found in loss”. Onyi is very much a dreamer and a romantic at heart. Something that is visible through her work. The meaning of the song does hold true to her. Her music has been very much inspired by the likes of Tracy Chapman and Asa. ‘In Your Eyes’ has an acoustic introspective foundation with elements of folk blues.

Onyi is unsigned and intends to remain that way. She’s the sort of creative who wants to stay true to her soul in her own words. She doesn’t want to get wrapped up in other people’s dreams but instead share hers with the world. She believes not many women have been able to succeed independently in this industry on their own terms and if she can be one of the few examples of women who manage to do so, then hopefully it paves the way for others to take charge of their creative career how they deem fit.

When asked if she had any final words for our readers, she said and I quote “it is important to tell your story because if you don’t, others might do it for you and you might not like the character they make you out to be.”

Source: Guardian

In self development February 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

8 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeal to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic.

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

2. Listen.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

3. Become an Expert.

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

4. Lead with stories.

If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail.

5. Be Effusive with Praise

Celebrate the unique abilities and skills of people. Be quick to celebrate people’s accomplishments, no matter how little.
Lavish praise on people when they do something right. Don’t always be that person who points out the faults in people.

6. Be Kind Rather Than Right

For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

Prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position.

7. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced.

8. Understand Your Work.

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

In lifestyle February 7, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Temi Olajide: How To Help Your Kids Stop Fighting & Get Along Better

Siblings bickering and arguing can be frustrating and mentally exhausting for parents. Although disagreements between siblings may drive parents crazy, it teaches our kids how to deal with and resolve conflict at an early age. This will, in turn, help them handle conflicts in relationships outside of their immediate family as they become adults. Nevertheless, when it seems like your children can’t get along even for a minute, then you can try these tips:

Look after each child’s needs

Children feel valued if you make it clear that it’s not okay for younger children to mess up older children’s activities, and vice versa. Also, take time out to bond individually with each child, and, most importantly, try not to compare children with each other.

Praise their good behaviour

Notice and give positive feedback to your kids when they’re well behaved. When you tell children clearly and specifically what they’re doing well, you’re likely to see more of that behaviour.

Show children how to get along

You are your children’s number one role model. Your children will notice if you iron out differences without fighting. If you would like your children to figure things out calmly and respectfully, they have to see you doing this. If you would like them to be ready to apologize to others, they have to see you apologising too.

Coach your children

You are your children’s problem-solving coach. You should teach them the way to handle disagreements and guide them toward skills for managing angry feelings, negotiating, and playing fair. This is much better than having to step in when they’re brewing or even worse, being a referee who breaks up fights.

You can also try these tips whenever they start fighting:

Hold hands

Whenever you notice your kids fighting, call them to sit together and hold hands till they solve their issues. Before you know it, they’ll laugh and forget that they were fighting.

T-shirt co-operation

The idea is that you simply have an extra-large men’s t-shirt that the kids must wear together until they stop bickering. Older kids can even be made to do chores while crammed within the t-shirt together. While the shirt is on, speak to them about how things work better once they agree to work together (trust me, if they need to try to do anything while wearing one shirt, they have no choice but to work together.)

Job bottle

Think of about a dozen chores. Write them on small strips of paper. Laminate them or cover with tape so that it can’t get mangled. Explain to your kids that each time a fight breaks out they all have to pick a job out from the job bottle. They don’t get to choose, they only grab one. When the squabbling starts, just calmly say, “job bottle.”

Hug it out

One time, I made my kids hug and told them they had to continue to hug each other until they stopped being mad at one another. I found them laughing at their situation because they were physically locked together. After that, ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ would follow.

Give them a problem to solve together

You can try giving your kids a puzzle to solve together to stop them from arguing. When they finish that, give them a harder one. Solving puzzles together encourages them to get along, rely on each other, and help one another.

Finally, it may help to remember that a certain amount of bickering and fighting is normal and even healthy in your children’s relationships with each other. Try some of these ideas and see if one works for you.

Remember, consistency is key. When you find a solution that works for your kids, continue with it. I’m confident that you’ll see a marked improvement in how your children get along.

Do you have any tips to ensure your kids get along? Feel free to share.

In Interviews&profile January 26, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Meet Ericka Taylor; The Teacher Helping Students Who Struggle With Reading

Teaching is the one profession that creates other professions. It is the fuel that drives education and make our wonderful Teachers heroes.

Ericka is one of such heroes, especially at a time like this when the school system have been greatly affected by the pandemic.

She is passionate about her chosen profession, and determined to see her students succeed in Life.

Meet Ericka

Ericka Taylor began her teaching career in 2011. During that time, she came across one 2nd grade student who was struggling with reading. To meet this need, and that of many others, Ericka opened E. Denise Tutoring Services in March 2018. Since then, E. Denise Tutoring Services has grown to include many students, ranging in both grade level and scholastic ability.

Inside the classroom, Ericka’s motto is “Be fair, Be firm and Be fun.” When she tutors her motto is, “Take a breath, the student is learning not reviewing.” This is important because oftentimes scholars are expected to quickly retain information, when in fact, scholars need time to develop their learning and understanding.

Ericka created this company to meet students where they are academically. If a student is in 4th grade but is reading at a 1st grade level, that’s ok because with the correct instruction, the academic gap can be CLOSED. Ericka is certified to teach in the states of Ohio and Pennsylvania, and is reading endorsed to teach grades Pre-K-4 by the state of Ohio. Being reading endorsed is a fancy way of saying she is state certified to teach children how to read. While she is reading endorsed, Ericka loves to teach math concepts to children in grades K-8.

Although E.Denise Tutoring Services was begun to assist struggling readers, all students can benefit from tutoring, struggling or not. Tutoring helps to bridge the learning gap for all students at all learning levels. Ericka’s ultimate goal in life is to show students that reading is more than a chore; that reading will give them more opportunities and take them more places than they could ever imagine.

Due to the ongoing pandemic, all sessions are held virtually via the Zoom platform. Ericka prefers for her tutoring clients to call her Ms. Ericka.

You can follow her on her social media accounts below

Ig- @edenisetutoringservices

Fb- E.Denise LLC

In self development January 21, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Struggling With Sleep? Here Are 5 Foods That Would Help You Sleep Well

Feeling energized, refreshed, and clear-headed are just three positive effects of having a good night’s sleep but if you don’t eat the right foods, you might not have that.

Studies have shown that our health can be negatively impacted, from the increased risk of lowered mood. This is why you need to learn what to eat to enhance good sleep. Certain foods and beverages could help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly.

1. Almonds

Almonds contain high doses of melatonin [Business Insider USA]

Almonds contain high doses of melatonin, a hormone that helps regulate the sleeping and waking cycle. Almonds are also an excellent source of magnesium, providing 19% of your daily needs in only 1 ounce. Consuming adequate amounts of magnesium may help improve sleep quality, especially for those who have insomnia

2. Kiwi

Kiwi is addressed as the ultimate pre-bed snack [Business Insider USA]

This green fruit is addressed as the ultimate pre-bed snack. The fruit contains many sleep-promoting compounds like vitamins C and E, serotonin and folate, all of which will help you snooze. Eating two kiwis before bed can increase your sleep duration by an hour.

3. Fish

Fish contains vitamins that induces sleep hormones [Business Insider USA]

Most fish-and especially salmon, and tuna boost vitamin B6, which is needed to make melatonin (a sleep-inducing hormone triggered by darkness). Additionally, fatty fish are high in healthy omega-3 fatty acids, specifically EPA and DHA, both of which are known for reducing inflammation. The combination of omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D in fatty fish have the potential to enhance sleep quality, as both have been shown to increase the production of serotonin, a sleep-promoting brain chemical.

4. Bananas

Banana contain compounds that induces sleep [home]

Bananas, well-known for being rich in potassium, are also a good source of Vitamin B6, which is needed to make melatonin (a sleep-inducing hormone).

5. Warm milk

Warm milk is a common home remedy for lack of sleep [Shutterstock]

Shutterstock

Warm milk is a common home remedy for lack of sleep. Milk contains four sleep-promoting compounds: tryptophan, calcium, vitamin D, and melatonin. However, the childhood association that many people have between a warm cup of milk and bedtime may be more effective than tryptophan or melatonin in promoting sleep. Just like hot tea, a warm drink of milk can provide the perfect soothing backdrop for a relaxing bedtime routine.

Source: Pulse

In self development January 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Tammy Kyne: 5 Signs You’re Afraid Of Commitment

Your significant other one day mentions how all of your friends are getting married and starting families.

You don’t see the rush or the big deal since you’ve been pretty satisfied in your relationship. You clam up at the thought of the M-word and cleverly redirect the conversation and dodge that bullet yet again. Are you just not ready for marriage? Or could it be that you are afraid of commitment?

Here are 5 signs you could be.

Hot then cold.

When the relationship started, you were moving fast and just couldn’t get enough of being with your boyfriend. Bae was the only thing on your mind. He was also the person on your contact list you’d make sure you wouldn’t miss a call or text from. Then when the direction of your connection turned serious, you start to stomp on the brakes. It seems a fire that was burning so hot at the start has now started to cool off quickly. The chase is always fun and exciting, but when it seems you’ve captured your prey, it loses all the fun. Afraid of commitment? I would say probably so.

Friends and family.

If you’ve been dating for any significant amount of time, let’s say 6-8 months and have yet to introduce your new boo to your family and friends something is definitely off here. A person that has a long-term interest in a relationship wouldn’t be able to keep their significant other to themselves for that long.

Can’t find a reason to show him off? You’re probably afraid of commitment.

Sabotage is her name.

Say you begin a relationship and just as things are going along well, you decide that a minor flaw in the other person has become immediately unacceptable and you break it off. Or a worst case scenario would be to just end the relationship without an explanation. Both of these scenarios is a sure sign that you don’t want to be in a long-term relationship. The thought strikes fear deep in your heart and paralyzes your better judgment and consideration. Sabotage driven by fear of commitment destroys what could have been a promising relationship.

My future is bright.

It’s all about right now. How you feel right now. What you’re doing right now. Who you’re interested in right now. The passion for your boyfriend is all good..now. Thoughts about your future equal everything you’ve ever wanted; that promotion in a career, travel, and possibly another degree. You just don’t envision your boyfriend there with you. Your life is on the fast track to success and you don’t want anything to ‘get in the way’.

We’re just ‘Friends’.

“Oh he’s just my friend” That’s what you say when friends and family ask you about the guy you’ve been hanging out with.

Labeling is for food. When it comes to relationships you’re okay without them. As long as everything can continue as it has, you see no issue with being called “just friends”. If the norm is maintained, then that is right in your lane and everything is everything. The trouble comes at the talk of anything like boyfriend/girlfriend or even God forbid, ‘fiancee’. That’s when you run for the border, tell him he is moving too fast and stop answering his phone calls.

The one for me?

The idea of being with one person for the rest of your life is scary, an absolutely terrifying thought for a commitment phobe. The thought of being with only one person for the rest of your life has so many layers. This will be the only person you have a sexual relationship with; the only person you’ll wake up to EVERY morning. That can be overwhelming to say the least and for a commitment phobe, that worry multiplies.

Conclusion

If you are a commitment phobe, it can turn into a frustrating situation. You have to keep in mind what is acceptable in your life and realize that time is precious and it waits for no man or woman. For the one that is commitment averse, keep this next thought upstairs. When or if you finally make up your mind, just hope that you don’t run into yourself.

In self development January 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

4 Steps to Take When Your Ex Refuses to Pay Child Support

For co-parents, the issue of money is often a difficult one to discuss. However, what’s even more difficult is when one parent completely neglects the financial needs of their child leaving the burden on the other parent.

Typically this leads to court and child support orders. The court decides how expenses should be split and how much the non-custodial parent should pay each month to help support their child.

But as many of us have found out, just because you have a child support order doesn’t mean the other parent will pay.

Unpaid child support isn’t something only men do, but it is far more common for men as mothers typically receive primary custody after a divorce or breakup.

Based on a survey in 2011, only 61% of men paid their child support. But the study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family explains that fathers who lack money to make payments try to support their children in other manners.

This may be true for some… But for many others, they shamelessly refuse to pay child support or even play any active role in their child’s life.

In that case, you have to find the proper way to approach them and make sure that they fulfill their responsibilities. As wrong as it is that you have to tell another adult to take care of their responsibilities that’s what the situation has boiled down to.

If you, unfortunately, have this problem with your ex, here are the steps you can take to get them to financially support their child.

1. Try talking to your ex.

This is not an easy thing to do. Especially when your ex is refusing to help you support your child.

This is even more complicated if there was emotional or physical abuse in the relationship.

With these things in mind, having a conversation with your ex about their responsibilities will be without a doubt emotionally strenuous, but it’s the first step you should take.

Let’s face it, court proceedings and lawyers cost money, so trying to talk it out before taking serious legal action is the cheapest route for the both of you.

If you feel uncomfortable talking to your ex for any reason, go with a friend or a family member to give you support. Listen to them and try not to create a hostile environment with accusations and finger pointing before you hear the reasons they aren’t respecting their duties.

They may have lost their job or are facing other financial difficulties.

This doesn’t give them a free pass, but it’s more understandable than “I’m just not going to help financially support our child.”

Having a conversation with them may help you find an agreeable solution for both of you, like paying you in installments or when he becomes financially able to. Whatever the case may be, you will know what your next step is after having a conversation.

2. Have a backup plan to cover the missing child support.

A back up plan is always a good thing to have in place for anything.

However, when it comes to unpaid child support, it may not be that easy for some.

In most cases, you will have to find an additional job or cut your expenses.

As unfair as this is this is the circumstance for millions of women.

The best way to approach this is by thinking about this possible issue beforehand.

During the divorce or breakup, you should see what are your other options to finance your life if your ex doesn’t pay child support. Also, talk to them even then and try to find some sort of compromise to make it easier.

3. Consult a lawyer about possible options.

Legal consulting isn’t something you should neglect in these situations. Whatever you decide in the end – going to court or not – you should always know your legal rights.

Additionally, going to court will cost you, and you have to know what to expect financially if you choose this option.

Consulting an attorney will give you an idea of what to do next.

If your ex is unemployed or is employed illegally, then you have to know would taking him to court be a good idea for both of you. It all comes down to their willingness to cooperate and make an arrangement with you.

But if they’re uninterested, then, unfortunately, the court may be your only option no matter how hard it seems.

4. Contact your local child support agency.

Government agencies for child support are present in every state and even country. Their job is to collect the money for you if you don’t have the means to finance the case.

Fortunately, they typically do this service for free and apply techniques that may not be available to independent attorneys.

The only problem you may encounter is that they are usually busy and swamped with cases.

So, it may take them a long time to finally address your case, and that means you’ll have to find ways to survive until then.

Before going to them, try to come to an agreement with your ex-partner and see what other options for financial aid you have.

Court proceeding and decision

If you do go to court, know that the decision can affect your ex in several ways.

The payments may be enforced with a court order, they can be held in contempt of court and even serve jail time. You will also need a family law attorney for this in order to plead your case before the judge.

When the proceedings start, you will have to present the evidence to the court of unpaid child support. This means you should collect all the evidence you have to prove your ex is guilty.

The judge can order your ex to pay for your court and attorney expenses, as well.

After this, your ex may start making the payments regularly and come to their senses.

Conclusion

Child support is the responsibility of both parents.

A child shouldn’t go without because one or the other parent neglects them emotionally or financially.

Financial support is one of the things your ex should do without even being asked, along with regular visitation and care for the wellbeing of their children.

You have options and possibilities to resolve this problem with minimum emotional impact on your children and you.

Still, if those don’t work, consider taking serious legal actions and remedies to avoid getting yourself into a hard financial situation.

Source: Blackloveadvice

In self development January 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

3 Ways To Handle Jealous Friends

Jealousy can spell the end of even the strongest of friendships and if you do not believe that there is an issue, you run the risk of losing that friendship. Of course, it’s not easy to acknowledge and tackle a jealous friend but if you value the friendship and want to be able to move past the situation, you simply have no choice.

Jealousy in friendship takes many forms, some subtle, others not so much. Some friends might accuse you of being too proud and rubbing your triumphs in their faces.

Unfortunately, there are people out there, friends or not, who just want to bring you down because your life appears better than theirs. Whether its through snide comments or being dismissive of your accomplishments, there’s always that one person who, not matter the situation, refuses to be happy for us.

People say that you should be flattered when people get jealous of you, but within a friendship, jealousy is like a rot that simply refuses to heal and can completely ruin the bond you share. So, what are the solutions and what can be done to improve the situation if you know that a good friend has something against you?

You might have gotten a fancy new job, lost weight in all the right places, gotten your writing published, or even gotten engaged. Naturally, your first instinct is to share the good news with the people you care about the most, your family and friends. But what do you do when their .s are not what you expected?

This will probably leave you feeling hurt and confused as to why they are acting this way but understand that the problem is not with you, it’s with them. If you want to salvage the friendship then you need to take into account these next 3 steps.

1. Dont ignore it

If you notice a friend acting jealously towards you, do not ignore the situation. Ignoring the situation will only make things worse and it will worsen like a cut that has not been treated and will end up infecting every part of the friendship.

If you leave it and let the unhappiness and jealousy grow, you will only make the division between the two of you larger until it is simply beyond repair.

You may also start feeling resentful towards that person and unconsciously root for them to fail, just like they are doing to you. Jealousy begets jealousy and you may find yourself mirroring their actions ad turning into somebody that you don’t like.

Depending on how close you are to this friend, you need to decide if you should just let it go or confront them. If you want to salvage the relationship or cut it off officially, it is advisable that you confront them, make them aware that you have noticed their behavior and do not want it to continue.

Jealousy can spell the end of even the strongest of friendships and if you do not believe that there is an issue, you run the risk of losing that friendship. Of course, it’s not easy to acknowledge and tackle a jealous friend but if you value the friendship and want to be able to move past the situation, you simply have no choice.

Jealousy in friendship takes many forms, some subtle, others not so much. Some friends might accuse you of being too proud and rubbing your triumphs in their faces.

Unfortunately, there are people out there, friends or not, who just want to bring you down because your life appears better than theirs. Whether its through snide comments or being dismissive of your accomplishments, there’s always that one person who, not matter the situation, refuses to be happy for us.

People say that you should be flattered when people get jealous of you, but within a friendship, jealousy is like a rot that simply refuses to heal and can completely ruin the bond you share. So, what are the solutions and what can be done to improve the situation if you know that a good friend has something against you?

You might have gotten a fancy new job, lost weight in all the right places, gotten your writing published, or even gotten engaged. Naturally, your first instinct is to share the good news with the people you care about the most, your family and friends. But what do you do when their .s are not what you expected?

This will probably leave you feeling hurt and confused as to why they are acting this way but understand that the problem is not with you, it’s with them. If you want to salvage the friendship then you need to take into account these next 3 steps.

1. Dont ignore it

If you notice a friend acting jealously towards you, do not ignore the situation [Credit: Creative Market]

Ignoring the situation will only make things worse and it will worsen like a cut that has not been treated and will end up infecting every part of the friendship. If you leave it and let the unhappiness and jealousy grow, you will only make the division between the two of you larger until it is simply beyond repair.

You may also start feeling resentful towards that person and unconsciously root for them to fail, just like they are doing to you. Jealousy begets jealousy and you may find yourself mirroring their actions ad turning into somebody that you don’t like.

Depending on how close you are to this friend, you need to decide if you should just let it go or confront them. If you want to salvage the relationship or cut it off officially, it is advisable that you confront them, make them aware that you have noticed their behaviour and do not want it to continue.

2. Communicate honestly yet gently

Learn to communicate honestly yet gently with your friend about how you have been feeling. Honest communication is the key to fixing most things including unhealthy behaviour among friends. Take the time to speak to your friend about how they’re acting and how their behaviour is affecting you.

Be honest and gentle and remember that they are holding onto resentment and the only way for them to let it go is for you acknowledge it, understand it and try to help them let go of it.

Their initial instinct will be to deny it altogether but do not let that sway you. Don’t start the conversation with something as blunt as, “I know you are jealous of me”. Instead, open up with, “I have noticed that things have changed between us and that you seem distant.”

Make it clear that something has to change in order for your friendship to move forward positively and let them know how much you value the friendship and want it to work.

3. Try and understand why

Once you have confronted your friend, try and understand why they feel the way they do towards you. Another important thing that you have to do is to understand ‘why’ your friend is acting the way they are. Why are they jealous of you? Why does this person feel this way now? Why does this person always have to turn things into a competition? Why does this person feel the need to watch you fail?

Most of the time, people have their own reasons for feeling jealous.Often, the person sees something in you or another person that makes them feel that they aren’t as good. It could be real or imagined, but the feelings of inadequacy are projected through negative thoughts or actions. Jealousy emerges as a . or solution to those feelings of inadequacy. Instead of dealing with these underlying feelings of inadequacy, the jealousy turns into little digs and insults when they are together.

Understanding the why can lead you to explore the reasons behind those feelings and solve them, together.

Source: Ngere Davies

In self development January 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Stop Taking Bread And Tea’ –Dr. Olufunmilayo Advices Pregnant Women

A Nigerian doctor identified as Dr Olufunmilayo on twitter has advised pregnant women to stop taking bread and tea. The Doctor whose aim is to help save a life, gave more than one reasons why pregnant women should stay away from bread and tea.

According to the Doctor, taking too much bread, tea & Coffee prevents a pregnant woman’s body from absorbing Iron.

The tweet reads “If you are pregnant Taking a lot of bread and tea may be harmful for you Too much bread and tea together makes it hard for your body to absorb iron. Iron deficiency in pregnancy can cause: •Tiny baby •Premature delivery •Baby dead before/after delivery. RT pls. Save a life”

“Pregnancy on its own causes low blood levels for many women. Some of these women are placed on iron tablets to boost their blood levels. Now tea/coffee are known to make it difficult for the body to absorb iron. And when taken with something like bread; the impact is worse. The advice is usually if you can: •Cut down on too much bread and tea together especially if pregnant and you have low iron or you are on iron tablets. •If you must have tea/coffee/bread, give yourself some hours before/after taking iron tablets. I hope this helps. Thank you.

Source: withinnigeria.com