Women of Rubies

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Nearly one in 10 British women finds sex painful, according to a large study.

The survey of nearly 7,000 sexually active women aged 16 to 74, in BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, suggests this medical problem – called dyspareunia – is common and affects women of all ages.

Women in their late 50s and early 60s are most likely to be affected, followed by women aged 16-24.

Doctors say there are treatments that can help if women seek advice.

But many still find the subject embarrassing and taboo, the survey results show.

Painful sex was strongly linked to other sexual problems, including vaginal dryness, feeling anxious during sex, and lack of enjoyment of sex.

However, there can be lots of different physical, psychological and emotional factors causing painful sex, which can be complex to treat.

Some women said they avoided intercourse because they were so afraid of the pain.

Karen (not her real name) is 62 and from Greater London. She said her problems began around the age of 40.

“I felt that my sex drive dipped quite considerably, arousal seemed to take longer, and, despite an understanding husband, I started to dread him making approaches.

“It’s like any muscle group I guess, the less you use it the worse it gets.”

Karen tried using lubricant but still encountered problems.

“It became like a vicious cycle. You worry and get tense and that only makes it worse.”

Karen developed another complication called vaginismus – involuntary tightening of the muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted.

“It wasn’t just in bed. It happened when I needed smear tests too. I would be crawling up the bed away from the nurse because it hurt so much.”

Karen spoke to her doctor who recommended she try oestrogen creams and pessaries for the dryness and dilators to help with the involuntary tightening.

“Women need to know that there is help out there for these kinds of problems, especially as we are all living longer.

“You shouldn’t have to be writing off your sex life in your 50s.

“Many women don’t like to talk about it. We share all the gore of childbirth, yet women of my generation don’t tend to talk openly about sex and the menopause. We should.”

The national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles was carried out by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (LSHTM), University College London and NatCen Social Research.

Of those who reported painful sex (7.5%), a quarter had experienced symptoms frequently or every time they had had intercourse in the last six months or more.

Around a third of these women said they were dissatisfied with their sex life, compared with one tenth of the women who didn’t report painful sex.

Lead researcher, Dr Kirstin Mitchell, from LSHTM and the University of Glasgow, the said there could be a whole range of reasons for dyspareunia.

“In younger women, it might be that they are starting out in their sexual lives and they are going along with things that their partner wants but they are not particularly aroused by.

“Or they might be feeling tense because they are new to sex and they are not feeling 100% comfortable with their partner.”

Painful sex might be caused by other health problems, such as sexually transmitted infections, endometriosis and fibroids, which should be diagnosed and treated.

Women around the age of the menopause can find sex painful because of vaginal dryness.

Dr Mitchell says it’s not just older women who can feel embarrassed talking about painful sex, even though the condition is common.

So I’m going to tell you a little story about a friend of mine called Pomi. She is actually the only crazy friend I have, the Ying to my Yang, my other mischievous half. Lol.

So she met this guy recently…actually they’ve known each other for a bit over two or three years. But didn’t get very close until recently. Clearly there was some clear flirt vibes going on because he always invited her to his apartment, they went out a few times together, checked on each other a lot, spent nights in each others apartment…oh did I mention they stayed in the same compound? Yes they did. So one day, he drops this bomb: “I’m really not interested in a relationship right now.” WTH?

Now you know for a fact there was sexy energy between the two of them no doubt. But what really happened? I still ask myself that question every time I think about how fast the relationship came crashing down in just a month.

What happened? What exactly was the plan here because left to me, he was just playing games with Pomi. So I really thought about it long and hard and I came to these conclusions you are about to read below and only one of those is the truth.

When a man tells you he’s not interested in a relationship, it might really be true, but it might not. He might be playing one of 5 “cards” here…

* The Pity Card

He’s telling you he’s not interested, just broke up, etc., because he hopes to get some tasty-sweet woman-sympathy. It’s an attention thing. Trust me.

Playing this card might even get him some “poor brokenhearted baby” sex. Which could develop into regular bootie calls.

WARNING. You probably already know that women tend to hope that bootie calls will turn into a deeper relationship. Men don’t. So just let him be. Leave him alone.

*The “Screening for Bootie Calls” Card

This one is a version of the truth. He’s not interested in a “relationship,” but he is interested in sex. Just go back to the above warning.

* The “I’m in Control” Card

He tells you this in case he might want to date you.You’ve backed off, so now he gets to call all the shots if he decides he wants to.

* The “Easy Exit” Card

Once he’s told you he’s not interested, he can freely make a play for you, and you’re all off-balance. He’s definitely now in control. So if you date for a while or even sleep together, and then he decides he’s ready to move on, he has a ready-made exit excuse. He can quickly and easily put all the responsibility for “misunderstanding” on you. For example, “Hey,” he can casually say, “I told you I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”

*The Truth

Yes, some guys say it because it’s true and some guys say it because it’s true, then change their minds and decide to date. So how do you respond to his “I’m not interested” speech? Simple, take him at his word. Assume he’s telling the gospel truth, and leave him alone. This means you move forward with your life, immediately. Date other men and don’t put your universe on hold in hopes that something might develop with this guy. Don’t behave like his girlfriend or his bootie call. Be clear that if he’s interested in dating you, then your outings have to be actual dates, not “let’s watch a movie at my place then have sex” or “I need to fill some social gaps” or “you’re the only one available, so why not.”

You’re worth so much more than that. Okay?

To your happiness. Cheers.

Source: Guardian

From a vision she pursued as a college student, Juliana Richards built a women’s wear company from the ground up, and she has emerged as a global player in her industry. Not only is Richards a real-life success story, but she is a role model for Black business people striving for excellence.

This Nigerian-born woman — a mother, wife and entrepreneur — is founder and CEO of Slim Girl Shapewear, one of the world’s most lucrative lines of women’s wear. Richards’ brand name, which spans three continents, consists of a wide array of fitness apparel, lingerie, retail stores and an online boutique. Through hard work, dedication and by following her mother’s example, Richards is at the top of her game.

Shapewear are undergarments that slim the waist and smooth and control one’s figure. For years, women wore girdles, corsets and other underclothes to help shape their bodies. Now, the U.S. shapewear business is a booming and dynamic industry at $684.9 million, according to NPD Group, a New York market-research firm. However, the intimate apparel market as a whole is a massive, global $32 billion industry, according to the Lingerie Journal.

And Slim Girl Shapewear is a major worldwide player, with a retail store and corporate headquarters in Atlanta; two stores that Richards recently opened in Lagos, Nigeria; a call service center in London for the European market; and a store in Doha, Qatar. In addition to physical stores, she has an online retail presence (1800cinchers.com or slimgirlshapewear.com, and slimgirl.ng for Nigerian customers), and a social media presence (Instagram and Facebook, @slimgirlshapewear or @1800cinchers).Richards said her business was born out of necessity.

“I have always been an e-commerce nerd. We launched Slim Girl Shapewear naturally. I wanted something firm to shape me up, couldn’t find the right toughness or texture, so I started my own research,” she recently told Atlanta Blackstar.

“Now Slim Girl Shapewear has branched into providing quality lingerie, bras and panties for women of all sizes. We speak to the everyday woman,” Richards said. “We do a lot of research and work with a lot of data to help us provide relevant service to our customers. Customer service is huge for me. We have dedicated live chat, phones, email, social media support, all to be of assistance to our customers. We are always listening to what people are saying.”

 

Richards turned Slim Girl Shapewear into a global business in a relatively short period of time.

 

“We have more than 50 staff members all over the world. We have men and women of all ages and backgrounds working with us, with multiple languages,” Richards said. “One of our factories is in Colombia. It took us about one year or two to get to this point,”

Richards began the company as a college student at Georgia State University. After college, while working at JPMorgan Chase Mortgage, she gave up her comfortable job to pursue her dream full time.

“It was extremely normal because we had been into other ventures before, so we just did what we were doing before, but this time it was turbo charged,” she said of the process of transforming the business into a global company.

Although Richards makes it sound easier than it certainly is, what she has accomplished is nothing short of impressive

In her native Nigeria, this fashion mogul saw new mothers wrap their bellies with cloth to help get them back in shape.

“Waist training is the process of using a body shaper as a form of shaping your waist and reducing belly fat. This is a technique used in other cultures with very long, hot cloths for new moms,” Richards said. “In our modern day, no one will help you wrap your belly so your waist trainer is your new best friend.”

Richards said that her life and upbringing in Nigeria —and her mother — influenced her business sense.“My mother is who I call a serial entrepreneur. I learned how to start and do research from watching her commitment in her business. She always said she wanted us all to do better than she did. I can honestly say she is proud of where I am,” she said. “As a Nigerian, we are very ambitious. I have never met a Nigerian — home or abroad — who can be stopped by any obstacle. A Nigerian always sees a way out of anything. If that is good or bad, I’m not sure. LOL.”

Richards said she has faced a few challenges, primarily as a thirty-something businesswoman.

“I have faced more challenges being a young woman in business than anything else. People tend to underestimate what you do, which is understandable,” she said.

Richards offered some valuable lessons for others who are trying to make it out there.

“I have had to learn how to be assertive and stand firm in a man’s world and be sure of what I want in order to get what we see today. These, I believe, are normal lessons along the way for any young entrepreneur. Me being a Nigerian woman has been a blessing because I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth; I learned how to work hard as a result,” she added.

This dynamic entrepreneur has shown how success can come through diligence and hard work, struggle and sacrifice.

“I have learned that I am very hard-working, which is a code word for workaholic,” Richards admitted. “I can be such a square sometimes and so nerdy when it comes to getting things done right.”

But her hard work has reaped benefits, as word has spread about Slim Girl Shapewear throughout the Black community.

“We have actually gotten a lot of support from the native African and African-American communities that I am humbled and appreciative of. There are times we have people who call our stores asking if it is a Black-owned business,” Richards noted. “I can honestly say I am flattered because I must be making enough noise or impact for people to take time out to inquire.”

“Either way, it’s all been love from everyone. As a Black entrepreneur, it is important to not expect people to discriminate against you. Keep an open mind and you will find that there are other Black businesses like yours who have paved the way and are respected today. It all comes down to your reputation as it is with any ethnic group doing business,” she said.

In a shapewear market that has been propelled in recent years by celebrities and TV product placements, Richards elevated her brand by attracting high-profile celebrity endorsements. Among those who have endorsed her line are Carmen Electra, Khloe Kardashian, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Lira Galore and Erica Dixon of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. And Richards’ brand has been featured on popular daytime talk shows The Real and The Wendy Williams Show, and in numerous magazines, such as OK! Magazine, Health Magazine, New York Magazine, Vegan Life and Body Magazine.

“It’s interesting to me because I never stopped after getting ‘No,’ or ‘Try again later.’ There were some [celebrities] who we pursued for over a year after they declined. They eventually started paying attention … It’s been a blessing.”

While her worldwide clothing empire is her claim to fame, it is not her only job: Richards is also a mother and a wife.

“Balance is my challenge,” she admitted. “As a recovering workaholic, I am learning to turn off work at 5 so that I can spend time with my 2-year-old. Because of our other stores that are in different time zones, my day starts at 2 a.m. EST. So I’m still trying to find my balance.”

Ada Osakwe is a creative food entrepreneur and passionate agribusiness advocate. As the Founder and Chief Executive of Agrolay Ventures, an investment firm targeting early-stage agribusinesses, Ada seeks to redefine the food production and retail opportunity across Africa’s large consumer markets. Agrolay invests in food start-ups as well as incubates its own new agri-ventures. The company currently has four investments including The Nuli Juice Company, Nuli Foods, Nature’s Bounty and African Courier Express. For three years, on a secondment from the Tony Elumelu Foundation, Ada served as the Senior Investment Adviser to Dr. Akinwumi Adesina, the former Nigerian Minister of Agriculture and Rural Development. There, she advised the Minister on agriculture investment-related activities involving private sector investors and led investment policy and financing initiatives including the development and launch of the Fund for Agricultural Financing in Nigeria (FAFIN).

Prior to her role at the Ministry, Osakwe was a Vice-President at Kuramo Capital Management in New York, where she led the firm’s Private Equity investments. For four years, she was a Senior Investment Officer at the African Development Bank Group (AfDB), based in Tunisia. She began her career as an Analyst in the Debt Capital Markets team of BNP Paribas investment bank, London.

Ada received her MBA from the Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University, holds an MSc in Economics and Finance from the University of Warwick, U.K. and a BSc in Economics (First Class Honours) from the University of Hull, U.K.

Osakwe is a Young Global Leader of the World Economic Forum and on the 2016 Choiseul 100 Africa list, a unique ranking of young African economic leaders. She received the ‘Achiever in Agriculture’ Award in 2015 and in 2014, was named one of Forbes 20 Youngest Power Women in Africa.

A lover of nature and food production, she likes to describe herself as a creative food entrepreneur.

 

Olushola Pacheco is a visionary young Nigerian woman passionate about illuminating the business growth of Africa through inspirational business conversations and interviews. She is a business graduate from the University of Wales and Founder of Whoot Africa. Shola hasn’t had it all rosy. Her parents separated when she was just 17 years old. This made her get a grip on life and shaped her outlook towards life. Her unpleasant life stories have contributed to making her a woman of rubies who is passionate about telling the business success stories of Africa.

Early Preparations

Growing up through some tough situations surely had its impact both positively and negatively. Negatively because I wish things were a lot easier, but positively without a doubt; I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today. I learnt how to be determined and resilient even in the face of challenges, I learnt how to not expect anything from anyone, especially when it came to things and decisions that affect me and where I see myself in the future and most of all I am grateful for how a tough life birth my compassionate side, I never miss out on the opportunity to encourage anyone going through tough times, that was something I didn’t have much of during my struggles. My parents separated in my teenage years, so I understood that one of the constant things in life is change, whether we like or accept it, change happens to everyone and just how well you handle these changes determine just how far you are willing to go to rise above your circumstances. I Picked up my first job at 17, a cleaning job for an amazing woman whose career life inspired me to push for the best I could ever be, and I realized how much of what you get out of life is what you are willing to fight and work hard for. So, yes these events influenced me a lot. Also, I have seen people’s lives change and that helps me to stay grounded because nothing is promised. And the fact that your decisions will always be your cross to carry whether someone made the decision for you or not, you get to live with it. I am also not easily influenced; I do what I want irrespective of what anyone thinks.

Discovering my passion for business and online marketing

It is amazing how they say your worst times often birth the best journey of your life, right from an early age, I wanted to be an accountant, I was good at it and it was everything I knew. In fact, I was already helping out university students with financial accounting assignments as at my 5th year in secondary school. Unfortunately for me, life happened and I struggled to get into the university here in Nigeria because of the nepotism in the system at the time. I was heartbroken about it, but never gave up on what I truly wanted. I got into marketing from an early age out of necessity, but somehow I found my true passion. When I finally got university admission, I quit accounting for a business degree because I enjoyed strategic management courses and the likes. I owe this passion of mine to my best friend, Ladi Tokosi. He was such a brilliant man who knew something about every business topic you could mention, he taught me almost everything I now know about the business world, he not only mentored me, he helped shape me and I am ever so grateful to him.

 

The birth of WhootAfrica.com

While I was a student at the London college of Accountancy, I ran into financial difficulty at some point and had to talk to my school’s accounting officer. While at the office, the Asian lady who headed the accounting office made a statement about how beautiful I looked for an African, compared to the others she had come across, accompanied by a few more distasteful remarks; while offering me an affordable payment plan and discount. As condescending as she sounded I had two choices, defend Africa from her distasteful comment or take her discount and let mother Africa defend herself. Unfortunately, I chose the latter; I walked out with a good discount on my fees, but failed to defend my own. With that guilt in one hand and my degree in the other, even though Africa hadn’t given me much in terms of opportunities; I still felt guilty. Six years later with the emergence of E-commerce and start-up opportunities, I decided to find one good thing about Africa via the business world of start-ups and inspirational CEO conversations. Whoot Africa was born out of a need to right a wrong and to also convince myself that there was an important story to tell about Africa, beside the scams, financial aid and the poverty in the continent. In my quest to find one, I found many inspirational stories. And somewhere along my discoveries, my journey was born and my life continues to take shape towards my vision everyday.

Challenges

I am not sure I have challenges with running Whoot Africa or maybe I just don’t see my challenges anymore. I am doing something I absolutely love and walking through doors I never thought I’d ever be able to walk through and sitting down to interview people I am constantly learning from. I would say, I am exactly where we need to be right now, every stage is a lesson and how well I learn determines how much growth I get to experience. As cliché as this answer sounds, it is the absolute truth. I have since stopped chasing those I thought would help push my dreams and vision of telling the African story; now I am telling the stories that I can and ensuring to enjoy the process. It took me a long time to understand that my rewards and everything I hoped for come in the little jigsaws pieces that are adding up every day towards the bigger picture. Would I like for bigger organisations to support me in telling the inspirational stories out there? Off course yes, but I am not waiting for anyone anymore, those who need to support this vision, can feel free to catch up with me when they are ready. 2017 is about pushing entrepreneurship education by sharing the best voices that will inspire the next generation of Nigerians and African’s, we have started on a great note and we plan to keep pushing.

Temptation to give up on the cause

Oh, every day. I am tempted to give up, dust my certificate and find something with steady monthly rewards. But one of my best qualities remains my determination; without sounding cocky, I am a very dogged and determined person. I don’t stay down for too long, irrespective of how I feel or how bleak things look; I wake up, hope and try again. When you have a vision and not just a wagon you jumped on because it felt cool, and you play your part, when you want something, the universe conspires to make things happen for you. From one person referring you to someone else for an interview or related opportunities, to someone emailing you to say “great job and that you inspire them” on your worst day, nothing great comes easy and I have such a beautiful and vivid imagination of where I see myself and my dreams, so what’s there to give up for? Besides I have the greatest support ever, my immediate family. And an inspirational story being birth to tell my daughter someday.

Testimonies of changed lives

Whoot Africa will never be just about me and doing business interviews, I believe that for every door opened to me, I am not meant to walk in alone. I make sure that I always have CV’s of people in need of jobs, especially for those who are currently unemployed, having someone’s life and story change because they got something through a door that was opened for you is everything, to go to bed knowing you are not hoarding your opportunities means the world to me. I went through some of the worst times of my life growing up. If one person gets to smile and be inspired from my work, then I am a fulfilled woman.

 Nigerian women and enterprise

Nigerian women are some of the most enterprising women you will ever meet, from the woman who sells tomatoes in the market to the corporate CEO, Nigerian women are phenomenal.  Despite our challenges and cultural barriers as a result of the hierarchical system we were used to, women who are determined to succeed are pushing through every day. A good percentage of Nigerian women are not waiting for handouts, they go out and try to make things work, and those are the women who daily inspire me and whose stories I am daily seeking to share.

I am a rare ruby

I am a rare ruby; I understand what it means to first believe in myself, believe so passionate that I don’t bother anymore with what anyone has to say. I focus on my focus and try to do my best. I am not perfect and I don’t plan to be, but I will always do my best and try to ensure that my quest to be a better version of me every day means more to me than anything else.

Final words

Find the people who inspire you in ways that are unique to you, don’t ever let anyone convince you that you deserve less, those who think so little of your efforts and all you stand for today, will one day have no choice than to acknowledge how awesome you are, if you keep working hard and smart. The only validation needed are yours and those who truly deserve the front row seat in your life, those who see so much greatness in you that you are forced to start believing in you too. Keep oiling the squeaky wheels of your life, and soon your ride will be effortlessly smooth.

I went out late yesterday evening for a meeting with my dear sister Oluwatoyin Olokun Onigbanjo of August Secrets and decided to take tricycle since the meeting point isn’t far from home and to relax my muscles a little, on my way back I took another tricycle, the guy at the edge wanted me to sit in the middle and I politely asked him to move inside , immediately I settled in the guy in front who had a red like material he held like an handkerchief winked to the two guys at the back ( one decently dressed , the other had the look of a street urchin) at that moment I knew something wasn’t right and I asked the driver to stop , just before I put my second leg out the guy who refused to move inside initially tried pulling my top back forcefully but I wrestled and freed myself from his grip, I saw another tricycle stopping at the same busstop, ran and jumped in , at that moment the other one branched into a street and ran off.

I explained to the driver of my “saviour” tricycle and he told me there have been reports of missing persons as regards tricycle kidnap in the last two weeks and I should be grateful I didn’t sit in the middle and the one in front didn’t put the red clothe on me before I had the grace to get down.

I wasn’t myself till I got home , looking back now I think God himself made the driver stop because with whatever charm they had on them they would have taken me into that street perhaps. So many “what ifs” but I’m more grateful for the “what didn’t”.

“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadows of the Almighty, I will say of the LORD he is my refuge and my fortress , My God in him will I trust”.

Please let’s be watchful , wicked people ain’t smiling this hard time.

No evil shall befall anyone of us.

Dr. Dedunmola Oluwo – 24 started 4 business ventures while studying to become a medical doctor in Hungary. She is a baker, a makeup artist, a cook, and a hair stylist. Yes… all that while undergoing the gruelling task of going through med school. Dedun’s multi-faceted reach into the world of entrepreneurship was the result of her determination to survive economically – as a student. This grew into something else when the spectrum of services she provided increased, and she became beholden to the needs of her customers.

Her work ethic is admirable, and behind it all she says was the unwavering love and support of her mother, brothers and friends.

Dedunmola, graduated in 2016 and has now embarked on her Masters degree. She was nominated as the Young Person of the Year at the 2016 The Future Awards, and in an interview recently, she said: “I was able to combine all these without repeating a year in the 7 years of medical school. I was able to make enough to pay for my Masters. I’m sharing my story to inspire others that it doesn’t matter what your situation is, you can always challenge yourself to achieve great things whether you are a 17 year old (like when I started) or older.”

Dr. Oluwo’s passion for hard work and her CAN DO spirit is what makes her a woman of rubies

 

 

Glory Edozien is back with a new episode of her “Discovery with Glory” Vlog.

In this episode she talks about a personal experience dealing with a guy she met on Tinder who unknown to her at the time already had a boo!

She share the steps she took in getting out of that situation and also some mindset shifts that women need to take so they can enter into more wholesome relationships.

She says “Bottom line ladies, before you get into any kind of relationship, ask yourself if this is REALLY what you want. Don’t believe the lie that there aren’t good men out there or that you have to manage ‘whatever’ just to join the relationship bandwagon.”

Watch below: