Women of Rubies
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Zoe Saldana
In Inspiration By

Zoe Saldana Is The First Actor To Star In Four Films That Made Over $2B At The Box Office

Zoe Saldana is a hit at the box office, making her mark in four of the biggest films. She’s Gamora in Avengers: Endgame and Avengers: Infinity War and Neytiri in Avatar and Avatar: The Way of Water. With the most recent Avatar film surpassing $2 billion worldwide, Saldaña is officially the first actress to star in four films that have crossed that mark.

Out of six films that have managed to achieve this feat, Saldaña is grateful to have starred in most of them. “Knowing that at 27 years old I was seen by James Cameron and he thought that I had what it took to become Neytiri, I just ran for the hills I tell you, I just ran with it and I gave 120 percent every single day. I haven’t stopped doing that,” she told Essence.

Zoe Saldana’s Background

Zoe Saldana was born on June 19, 1978 in Passaic, New Jersey, to Asalia Nazario and Aridio Saldaña. Her father was Dominican and her mother is Puerto Rican. She was raised in Queens, New York. When she was 10 years old, she and her family moved to the Dominican Republic, where they would live for the next seven years. While living there, Zoe discovered a keen interest in performance dance and began her training at the prestigious ECOS Espacio de Danza Dance Academy where she learned ballet as well as other dance forms. Not only did her training provide an excellent outlet for the enthusiastic and energetic youngster, it would also prove to be a fortunate precursor for the start of her professional acting career. At age 17, Zoe and her family moved back to the United States where her love for dance followed and an interest in theater performance became stronger.

Career Path

She began performing with the Faces theater troupe which put on plays geared to provide positive messages for teens with themes dealing with issues such as substance abuse and sex. These performances not only gave her valuable experience but also a source of great pride knowing that she was making a difference in the lives of young people like herself.

While performing with the Faces troupe and also the New York Youth Theater, Zoe was recruited for a talent agency and her dance training years before coupled with her acting experience greatly helped her land her first big screen role as Eva Rodriguez, the talented and headstrong ballet dancer in the film Center Stage (2000). Since her professional career began several years ago, Zoe’s talent and determination have allowed her to be involved in blockbuster films and act with major actors, actresses and industry insiders at a pace that very few young professionals have experienced.
Zoe has not only held her own in major motion picture productions but gained the respect and praise from industry insiders such as Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Spielberg and actors/actresses such as Tom Hanks, Bernie Mac, Keira Knightley, Ashton Kutcher, Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom.

According to many of her co-stars, producers and directors, the sky is no limit for this young star who has incredible range, intense concentration, and a steely determination to be involved with projects that challenge her professionally with wide-ranging subject matters and characters. Just to ask practically anyone who she has worked for or with about her, glowing comments abound and earned friendships and respect are readily revealed. A star has been born, and growing every day.

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Relationship deal breakers
In lifestyle By

12 Top Relationship Deal Breakers You Shouldn’t Negotiate

Do you have relationship deal breakers?

A deal breaker is a factor to consider when deciding whether to follow through with something or not. It’s that little something that makes you say “I’m done!” even when you really love someone or you’ve been together forever.

It may sound harsh — after all, no relationship is perfect, right? — but having a list of relationship deal breakers is actually a healthy way to protect yourself from toxic situations.

Don’t get caught up in controlling, hurtful, and potentially dangerous relationships.

Here are 12 relationship deal breakers that you should seriously consider when deciding whether your sweetheart is actually worth your time.

1. There Is Abuse in the Relationship

A healthy relationship is about respect, putting your spouse first, and treating them how you want to be treated.

On the other hand, a partner who lays a hand on you or emotionally abuses you is a major relationship deal-breaker.

Many people convince themselves that just because it happens once doesn’t mean it will happen again. Remember, you deserve a healthy relationship, and someone who abuses you Physically or emotionally even once isn’t worth your time.

2. You’re a Secret

If you find out that your spouse hasn’t told their friends or family about you, run for your life! Because being a secret means one of three things.

  1. They are already in a relationship and you are the side piece.
  2. They can’t commit.
  3. They are embarrassed by you.

Your time is valuable and shouldn’t be wasted being with someone who would rather keep you as their dirty little secret.

3. Plans Are Constantly Cancelled

Does your partner always seem to be ditching out on plans with you last minute?

Sure, there are legitimate reasons that your partner may be doing this, such as being called into work unexpectedly, but feeling like the person you’re crazy about is bailing on your company in favor of partying with their friends is definitely shady.

If you find that your long-term partner starts doing this, it may be signs of a deeper problem in the relationship that needs to be discussed.

4. Substance Abuse Problems

Sitting down with a drink is a great way to relax — and let’s be honest, having a buzz on is fun! But if your spouse needs some sort of substance to have a good time, or if their personality drastically changes when they are under the influence, it can really throw you for a loop.

Substance abuse is one of the biggest relationship deal breakers on this list. It can cause your partner to mistreat you, be untrustworthy, waste money, and make poor decisions that will hurt you.

Why would you want to be around someone who is high or drunk 24/7, anyway?

5. Your Partner Isn’t Faithful

When it comes to cheating, put your foot down immediately. Don’t forgive and wait for the next round of heartbreak. If you have both agreed to a monogamous relationship, both parties should be respecting that decision.

Even if you put breaking your trust and your heart aside, your partner’s cheating on you puts you at risk for depression, sexually transmitted infections, and major embarrassment.

If your partner doesn’t love and respect you enough to stay faithful, dump them. They aren’t worth your time.

6. They Fight Dirty

There are times when we’ve all said stupid things in the heat of an argument, but there’s a difference between getting caught up and using a disagreement as an excuse to be a complete jerk.

If during an argument, your partner or spouse:

  • Brings up past experiences with the intention of hurting your feelings
  • Calls you rude or degrading names
  • Gaslights you to make you feel crazy
  • Attacks you instead of the issue
  • Uses the silent treatment

Then you should consider walking away.

Healthy relationships are about open communication and fair conflict resolutions — not about seeing who can hurt the other more.

7. You Don’t Feel Good About the Relationship

Do you feel good about being around your partner, or do you get knots when you think about hanging out together?

Do you get anxiety when you think about your relationship?

Does your partner make you question your self-worth?

If so, something inside you is probably screaming: “This relationship isn’t right!” There is definitely something to be said for gut instinct when it comes to deciding whether or not to stay with someone.

If your gut is telling you something is off in your relationship, there probably is.

8. You Want Different Things

Sometimes, even if you really love each other, your relationship game just isn’t meant to work out.

He wants East Coast, you want West.

She wants to save money, you want to spend.

He wants kids, you’re fine riding as a duo.

Even if you get along well, these fundamental differences in your goals and where you see your lives going are going to cause serious resentment problems if you don’t address them soon.

9. They’re Unbelievably Selfish

We’re all selfish from time to time, but some people take it too far.

If you feel like you’re giving your all to your spouse, and all they’re doing is taking, focusing on themselves, and taking advantage of your kindness, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.

Don’t spend a second longer with a selfish narcissist. Trust me, it isn’t worth the headache.

10. They’re Always Jealous

Healthy jealousy is totally cool when it inspires couples to treat each other better and not take one another for granted.

However, controlling, hack-your-Facebook-and-demand-your-phone-password jealousy should never be tolerated. This is a sign of insecurity and can quickly develop into dangerous or abusive behavior. It’s better to get out before it reaches that point.

11. You Don’t Share Values

You may think that opposites attract — and that’s true! — but that doesn’t always mean they make the best partners.

If you are passionate about your politics or your faith and your spouse has opposing beliefs that upset or anger you, it could mean that your relationship wasn’t meant to be.

If you’re going to be in a relationship with someone with opposing values, be aware that it will take a great deal of time to work through how you talk about and handle those things. If you simply don’t have the patience or desire to do so, it’s time to walk away.

12. You’re Always Fighting

Do you feel like you and your spouse are always arguing?

Sure, even happy couples argue, but constantly arguing with a partner is one of our relationship deal breakers because it shows that you have poor communication skills.

Communication is everything when it comes to a healthy, happy relationship. Couples need to be able to talk to each other in order to build empathy, resolve problems, and get closer. This means addressing problems as they arise, not letting them sit and turn into huge fights down the line.

The Bottom Line

Life is far too short to spend it with someone who isn’t worth your time. If your spouse is controlling, annoying, or won’t seem to give you the time of day, it’s time to call it quits! This is obviously a difficult decision to make, but your future self will thank you when they’ve found someone who is better for them.

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 Mary Oyohosuho Phillip
In Interviews&profile By

Sickle Cell Warriors Deserve Love And Empathy- Mary Oyohosuho Phillip

Mary Oyohosuho Phillip Is  a sickle cell warrior, a sickle cell advocate, a Confidence Coach and Skin Care Consultant. Mary is  the first Sickle Cell Warrior in her family, out of 3  in total 5 kids. Mary  suffered severe complications of sickle cell, and was bedridden for 3 years, this resulted in deformity.
She has  managed to further her  higher institution learning  walking with two sticks.  Mary’s lived experience as a sickle cell survivor is a tool she continuously used to inspire, motivate and encourage people. She goes to schools, churches to share her survivor story.
In this interview with Esther Ijewere, the founder of Jesus Girls Club, Int’l shares her inspiring story.
 Mary Oyohosuho Phillip- Sickle Cell Warrior

Childhood Influence

 I can truly say that my childhood prepared me for what I am doing today. While growing up, I watched my parents give their all to serving humanity and affecting the life of people positively. I have admired and wished  to affect the lives of people just the way my parents were doing, and that has given me that push in life  and has brought me to where I am and what I am doing  today.

What Inspired Me To Be A Sickle Cell Advocate 

 What basically inspired me to be a sickle cell advocate   is first, me being a sickle cell warrior, having two other siblings being warriors too in total making   three warriors in the family. Secondly, losing my younger brother to sickle cell. Thirdly how sicklecell got me deformed, all the excruciating pain, discomfort, and all that comes with it. Going through all this I became dedicated in creating sickle cell awareness for people to prevent birthing children with the sickle cell disease.

Jesus Girls Club

Going by all the social vices that we hear daily in our society  which affect the girl child, I always get heartbroken  and think of  a way to change the narrative.  Social vices like early pregnancy, rape, molestation, sexual abuse etc. when I hear and watch young ladies  in other part of the world  doing  amazing  thing in their different  field  endeavors , this  challenges and motivate me to want to groom and teach teenage girls starting from my community , to my  country   and to the world at large on having  good morals, building a healthy self esteem self discovery and purpose driven life.

Another major thing that motivated me to start Jesus girls club was when I heard that in this age and time teenage girls  still make use of cloth pieces, that is, rags to care for themselves when on their menstrual flow which is unhygienic  to  their health. This broke my heart completely.

The Journey So Far 

 The journey since I started my organization has been full of ups and downs. At the beginning it was going smoothly but along the way many obstacles and challenges came up. At one point I gave up completely, but my passion for  this vision brought  me back on track.

Challenges 

There are so many challenges :first lack funds . Since after my NYSC  my inability to get a job was a  big challenge in carrying out my vision but the little business I was doing and the passion kept the vision running. Then the second challenge was reaching out to these teenage girls in remote rural communities where roads are accessible, and I don’t sit so well on a bike. So in general, funds and mobility are my major challenges.
How My Work Inspire Sickle Cell Advocates 
 wow! Am certain that my work has inspired other sickle cell advocate because so many Warriors always reach out to me in my inbox, telling me how I inspire and motivate them to do better in their advocacy.

Other Projects And Activities

There are so many other projects and activities lined up for my organization. First, getting my foundation registered with the corporate affairs position (CAC) ready so I can operate officially. Presently there is a project at hand called: “BACK TO SCHOOL CAMPAIGN”. My organization will be providing writing materials such as Notebooks, pens, pencils, erasers etc for children in public schools whose parents can’t afford those materials for them. There are many other projects coming up and this is a call for people to sponsor and partner with me in achieving this.

What I Enjoy Most About My Job

What I enjoy most about my job is seeing smiles on the faces of people we reach out to. My prayers to God when I was growing up, was that God should use me as a channel to bring joy into the life of people so, for God to help me in this little capacity, gives me great joy and I want God to bless me more to do greater Exploits and reaching out to more & more people within Nigeria, Africa & the world at large. That will be my greatest joy.

3 Women Who Inspire Me And Why

Since I began this Journey, there are three (3) powerful women I have seen & they inspire me greatly they are:
1. Esther Ijewere [Founder, WOMEN OF RUBIES]
2.  Dr. Adesoye Tosin (Founder Sickle Celebs)
3. My Mother Mrs. Blessing O. Phillip
1. Esther Ijewere is one woman I love so much, she inspires me. Since I came across her on Facebook, I always rush to her page everyday to read what she has posted. I admire her strength,I admire her supporting women and generally I classify her as Beauty & Brains.
2, The Second woman that inspires me so much is Dr. Adesoye Tosin, the founder of Sickle celebs. When I began the journey of advocacy for sickle cell. The first woman I came across with the same issue as mine is Dr Tosin. I thought to myself,  if a young lady  with sickle cell can go study a course as tedious as medicine and still do well in it then, she is worth emulating and this got me inspired.
3.. The third woman that motivates me is my biological mother Mrs. Blessing O.philip. a woman who is my first teacher, doctor, prayer warrior and caregiver.  A woman that never stopped loving and caring for myself and my siblings after the demise of my beloved dad, despite our many health challenges. My super hero, my strong support system, my disciplinarian but correct in love I admire her strength, perseverance, doggedness.

On The Stigmatization Of Sickle Cell Warriors

 one thing I will say to people who stigmatize sickle cell warriors is that “STIGMATIZATION IS VERY BAD”. No one choose to be born with sickle cell or any other health challenge. Stop stigmatization, show love, empathy to sickle cell warriors. Do not discriminate, we deserve to love and to be loved in return.

 What Government Should Do To Support Sickle Cell Warriors

The government should make the health facilities & health insurance available and accessible to sickle cell patients in our hospitals.  Routine drugs and medical checkup should be provided or made cheap for sickle cell   warriors / caregivers to afford.

Being A Woman of Rubies 

I  am an extraordinary lady who lives an exemplary life for the younger generation to emulate. A go-getter, a warrior who never gives up. A fearless woman, courageous, tenacious. A lady who works towards leaving an impactful footprint on the sands of time

What I Would Say To A Young Person On The Verge Of Giving Up 

“GIVING UP SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION”. Embrace life to the fullest. Believe in God, and yourself and Hope for a better tomorrow. Put in your own efforts, because “THERE IS A PRICE FOR EVERY PRIZE”. Thank you
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Feeling worthless
In Career Gems By

Esther Ijewere: 5 Reasons Why You Feel Worthless And What You Can Do About It

Feeling worthless , down or unmotivated? This article is for you.

It hit hard by a message Inbox yesterday when a sister told me she feels useless because nothing is working for her, and she needed words of encouragement. Encouragement is one of the easiest things you could give anyone, If you yourself have enjoyed being encouraged several times.

Feelings of worthlessness can come at any time in your life, but if you are suddenly feeling like you can’t do anything right or that you aren’t worthy of the things you have in your life, you might be wondering what has happened to your self-confidence.

You are not alone. Feelings of unworthiness can be triggered at any time, especially during your development years.

What’s even more possible is that if you are struggling with your self-confidence as an adult, it’s likely that you have had some experience with others telling you that you aren’t worthy and you might have been harboring those old feelings in some way now.

If you can’t shake that feeling that your self-confidence is waning, it might be time to start exploring why that is. Here’s how.

  1. Someone else has been telling you that you are not good enough

    It’s hard to understand why anyone would say mean things to another person, especially unprovoked, but many people grow up in households where they have been told repeatedly that they are worthless.The more you dig into your thoughts about what others have said about you or to you, the less power they have over you and the more likely you are to be able to create new thoughts about yourself.

  2. You are comparing yourself to others 

    You probably spend a lot of time looking at other people, reading about other people, wishing you had another life, made more money, had a different job or house.If you find yourself doing this, you need to stop and start practicing gratitude for what you have in your life.

  3. You’ve experienced great change in your life

    Sometimes a change in our identity can alter our sense of self. If you have been separated or divorced (Like me)  or lost a job, you might not know how to quantify your value.Many people look to their careers as a way to validate their success in the world and if you have recently lost yours, you might find it difficult to relate to others and the life you once had.When you’re dealing with trauma or heartbreaking change, it can become easy to blame yourself.

  4. You feel like everyone is against you

     

    You might find that you feel bad about yourself, not because of the thoughts you are having about yourself, but because of the thoughts you are having about other people!Sometimes we put words in other people’s mouths and we think they are thinking things about us even when they are not.

    If you feel like the whole world is against you, it’s not because they are out to get you, it’s because you think they are. When you create these situations in your mind, you find that they often come true.You’ll start to see evidence of how people are working against you, even when they are not.In order to deal with this, you need to turn your attention inward and ask yourself why you think people are out to get you.

  5. You are Negative:

    I was this person for a longtime , till I found my own light.Do you find yourself dwelling on criticisms or mistakes you’ve made? That negative events tend to draw your attention more than positive events? It is called “Negative Bias”. They keep you in a negative box.

What to do when you feel worthless?

  1. Get up and Keep it moving, Be your own motivation
  2. Ask Questions: Ask questions about how you do things, why you do them, and what you get out of them. Use the information you discover to help you move forward. For me, I find that writing in a journal every day allows me to get to know what I’m really thinking and feeling.
  3. Be Present , Be in the now: Lack of self-confidence often comes from living in the future. Being in the now allows you to accept where you are and where you’ve come from instead of putting pressure on yourself to get where you are trying to go later. It is called “Mindfulness” , It is  a tool I use to draw myself back to the present and focus on what is most important; Now.

Watch: 3 Psalms for Mercy and Protection 

In Conclusion

Feeling worthless is a common human experience for many people. Whether it’s from growing up in a non-supportive environment, a trauma-based event or the tendency to compare ourselves to others, feelings of worthlessness are difficult to deal with no matter who you are.

But learning to practice mindfulness to allow us to question our own thoughts and emotions allows us to take a step back from the mind and understand that we don’t need to think negatively about ourselves.

Taking an objective look at reality will allow you to see that you have a lot of potential and skills, a lot to be grateful for, and you don’t need to believe your own negative thoughts.

Selah!

For more inspiring contents, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter 

Subscribe to my Youtube channel

 

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Marriage pressure
In lifestyle By

Titilola Edu: Single, 30 & The Unnecessary Pressure To Get Married

Marriage pressure is one of the biggest challenges folks in their 30’s face. If you have experienced this, then this article is for you.

“Simisola, buy balloon na and do photo-shoot for your birthday”, Tayo said.

“Limme, I’m not buying balloon”

“Why nau? Buy jor so that we can post fine pictures on Instagram”

“Please you people should not go and display my age on my birthday on Instagram o”

Simisola’s 30th birthday was in a couple of days and she was sure her friends would want to announce her cross over to the world of the thirties. But Simi was vehemently against it. Tayo bullied, scolded and bashed her but she maintained her stand that she didn’t want a public announcement of her age. She just wasn’t ready for the questions friends and family would ask.

“So Simi, err… time is no longer on your side o, when are you getting married?’

Aunt Dayo her mother’s eldest sister had called her a couple of days ago full of praises. “SimiSimi peperempempe Peperempe, How are you my dear, your birthday is coming up soon o, Awon brother nko? when are we going to meet them, you are not getting younger o, don’t let your looks deceive you. Abi is there a problem? Shey you will come to my house let us discuss it. Plus Joke, that my friend, her son is back from the States, very fine boy….”

Her Mom had also called her to get ready for deliverance in her church soon.

Poor Simi, she’s beginning to think she has a problem and must marry the next man available.

So many ladies are in Simi’s shoes right now. The pressure from family, friends and the society is insane! Why are we like this sha?!

Society will force you to get married because according to them you are now “ripe for marriage”, saddling an otherwise good woman with a lifelong handicap.

We look upon a young unmarried lady as though she’s suffering from a vile disease just because she’s not married. A lady over the age of thirty soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations and meddling, by those around her. Of course there are many reasons a woman could remain unmarried – failed relationships, attitude, exposure, etc.

A lot of times people assume it’s because she has a bad character – in cases when it is, rather than ridicule them, why not help build and mold such women to be better.

Marriage is not the beginning and end of life. I have no doubt its meant to be beautiful and meaningful because it is God’s mandate, but only if you are in it for the right reasons with God’s leading, then it will be fine. Maybe not perfect but it will be fine.  Please don’t make marriage seem like the highest possible achievement a woman can ever have.

There are so many young, impressionable women out there, what advice are we giving?

Be a better woman so God can send the right man your way or you better hurry up and marry the next available guy because time is no longer on your side.

We need to realize that at the end of the day titles are meaningless where genuine feelings are nonexistent.

Stop worshipping the RING! Nigerians also need to change the mentality that the life aim of every woman is to be married and have children. Don’t get me wrong please, I am definitely not in support of the “You don’t need a man team” Hollup! Lol. I definitely need a man, but biko, please, let us marry for the right reasons, not because we want to please friends and family.

No be so? Please advise Simisola.

 

 

 

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Afraid of commitment
In Career Gems By

Tammy Kyne: 5 Signs You’re Afraid Of Commitment

Are you afraid of commitment? Your significant other one day mentions how all of your friends are getting married and starting families.

You don’t see the rush or the big deal since you’ve been pretty satisfied in your relationship. You clam up at the thought of the M-word and cleverly redirect the conversation and dodge that bullet yet again. Are you just not ready for marriage? Or could it be that you are afraid of commitment?

Here are 5 signs you could be.

Hot then cold.

When the relationship started, you were moving fast and just couldn’t get enough of being with your boyfriend. Bae was the only thing on your mind. He was also the person on your contact list you’d make sure you wouldn’t miss a call or text from. Then when the direction of your connection turned serious, you start to stomp on the brakes. It seems a fire that was burning so hot at the start has now started to cool off quickly.

The chase is always fun and exciting, but when it seems you’ve captured your prey, it loses all the fun. Afraid of commitment? I would say probably so.

Friends and family.

If you’ve been dating for any significant amount of time, let’s say 6-8 months and have yet to introduce your new boo to your family and friends something is definitely off here. A person that has a long-term interest in a relationship wouldn’t be able to keep their significant other to themselves for that long.

Can’t find a reason to show him off? You’re probably afraid of commitment.

Sabotage is her name.

Say you begin a relationship and just as things are going along well, you decide that a minor flaw in the other person has become immediately unacceptable and you break it off. Or a worst case scenario would be to just end the relationship without an explanation. Both of these scenarios is a sure sign that you don’t want to be in a long-term relationship. The thought strikes fear deep in your heart and paralyzes your better judgment and consideration. Sabotage driven by fear of commitment destroys what could have been a promising relationship.

My future is bright.

It’s all about right now. How you feel right now. What you’re doing right now. Who you’re interested in right now. The passion for your boyfriend is all good..now. Thoughts about your future equal everything you’ve ever wanted; that promotion in a career, travel, and possibly another degree. You just don’t envision your boyfriend there with you. Your life is on the fast track to success and you don’t want anything to ‘get in the way’.

We’re just ‘Friends’.

“Oh he’s just my friend” That’s what you say when friends and family ask you about the guy you’ve been hanging out with.

Labeling is for food. When it comes to relationships you’re okay without them. As long as everything can continue as it has, you see no issue with being called “just friends”. If the norm is maintained, then that is right in your lane and everything is everything. The trouble comes at the talk of anything like boyfriend/girlfriend or even God forbid, ‘fiancee’. That’s when you run for the border, tell him he is moving too fast and stop answering his phone calls.

The one for me?

The idea of being with one person for the rest of your life is scary, an absolutely terrifying thought for a commitment phobe. The thought of being with only one person for the rest of your life has so many layers. This will be the only person you have a sexual relationship with; the only person you’ll wake up to EVERY morning. That can be overwhelming to say the least and for a commitment phobe, that worry multiplies.

Conclusion

If you are a commitment phobe, it can turn into a frustrating situation. You have to keep in mind what is acceptable in your life and realize that time is precious and it waits for no man or woman. For the one that is commitment averse, keep this next thought upstairs. When or if you finally make up your mind, just hope that you don’t run into yourself.

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How to fix a broken marriage
In Career Gems By

How To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save Your Relationship

When you are a child and dream of your “happily ever after,” it never dawns on you that your marriage might not end up that way. I mean, let’s face it – all the Disney movies in the world never, ever hint to the fact that Cinderella and her Prince Charming would ever have any problems, right?

Well, Disney movies aren’t real life. Although we all know this on a conscious level, we still – in our hearts – hope that we will be the exception to the rule. We think that we will be one of the lucky ones who have a lifelong, happy marriage.

However, for many couples, it simply doesn’t happen. Why is that? Well, the reasons are many, which I will go into in a minute. But no one teaches us how to have a loving marriage. And if we didn’t see our parents living happily together, then we really have no model for it.

So, what if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage? How to fix a broken marriage and save your relationship?

Reasons that Lead to a Broken Marriage

I really wish all of us could take a class in school called Relationships 101. But no one is ever formally taught how to have a good marriage (or any relationship for that matter). What is the result? The result is that all of us just sort of fly by the seat of our pants and wing it when it comes to relationships. But if you want to have a happy, healthy, successful marriage, you can’t do that.

Here are some of the causes of a broken marriage.

Laziness

Everyone says relationships are hard and take a lot of hard work. Well, think about it. Anything in this life that is worth having takes effort, right? I mean, unless you win the lottery, you won’t become rich without hard work.

Relationships are no different. You have to put in effort into your marriage. If you don’t, and are too lazy to keep it alive, it will die.

Selfishness

Many people are selfish to some extent. But when it comes at the price of a healthy marriage, then it’s a problem. You can’t always put your needs first. You have to put your partner’s needs at least equal to – or before – your own. Otherwise, resentment will keep building endlessly.

Neglect

This goes hand-in-hand with laziness and selfishness. If you are lazy and don’t put in effort, and you are constantly selfish, then you are neglecting your partner – and your relationship as a whole.

Relationships are like plants. If you don’t water a plant, it will die. If you neglect a marriage, it will eventually end as well.

Children

As much as we love them, children are hard on a marriage. If you are honest with yourself, you know it’s true. Children take a lot of time and energy – time and energy that could spent on your marriage. So, when couples don’t stay connected because children get in the way, then your marriage will break down.

Poor Communication Skills

Knowing how to talk to your partner to express your feelings and needs is essential. However, both people need to do the same and have empathy for the other person.

If empathy (the ability to identify with and see the other person’s point of view) doesn’t exist, then it’s virtually impossible to have a healthy marriage.

How to Fix a Broken Marriage (without Couseling)

Sometimes, we feel hopeless when we’re in a bad marriage. You wonder if it is ever possible to rediscover the good relationship you had in the beginning. The answer is yes, but you have to put in some work.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have the financial means to go to counseling. However, if you do, I would suggest that as a first step.

Even if this is not an option, here are some steps you can try:

1. Take a Good Look at Yourself

It takes two to tango. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. In other words, problems in a relationship are rarely the sole responsibility of just one person.

Take a look at your behaviors and speculate how they might have contributed to the state of your marriage.

2. Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions

Now that you know what you did to contribute to your marital problems, own up to them. Tell your spouse how you feel, and then commit to changing your behavior immediately.

3. Be Honest with Yourself and Your Spouse

Sometimes it’s easier to put your head in the sand and ignore the problems. But your marriage won’t get any better if you do this!

Sit down and be honest with yourself about the state of the marriage. Then, take your feelings to your spouse and have a deep, heart-to-heart talk.

4. Have a Talk

This is an obvious step, but it needs to be done. You can’t map out a plan for the future if you don’t even talk about your problems to begin with.

5. Each Partner Explains His/Her Perception of the Problems

Perception is reality. In other words, your spouse probably sees the marriage in a very different way than you do. So, you need to listen to your partner’s point of view.

6. Just Listen

While your spouse is explaining their point of view, just listen to them. Don’t talk. Don’t interrupt them. Instead, stay calm and don’t get defensive.

7. Make a List of Things That Both People Want to Change

In order to rebuild your marriage, things obviously need to change – on both sides. So, both of you need to write down, and talk about, what needs to be changed in the marriage.

8. Write out a “Contract”

It’s easy for people to say they are going to change, but it’s another thing for them to actually follow through with it. So, it’s best to write a “contract” between the two of you and sign it. This shows commitment to each other for change.

9. Spend Quality Time Together

You can’t rebuild your marriage if you aren’t spending time together! It seems obvious, but you need to rediscover each other, and spending quality time talking and doing things is imperative.

10. Ditch the Technology

Believe it or now, technology is a huge culprit in the downfall of relationships. Whether it’s the TV, cell phone, or video games, spending too much time with technology and not each other is the kiss of death. Make sure you put that down and talk to each other on a regular basis.

Can You Fix a Broken Marriage Alone?

This is a very common question that I am asked, which does not have an easy answer. In fact, my first instinct is to answer “it cannot be done.” I truly do believe it takes two committed people to rebuild a marriage. However, if you don’t have a willing spouse, you can try these steps if you are desperate enough to try to go it alone:

Take a Look Back at What Happened in the Marriage

Do a “relationship autopsy.” In other words, how did the marriage die? Just like a literal dead body is dissected after death, you can look at your marriage and see what went wrong.

If you find that a lot of the causes were because of YOU, then you can change your actions.

Notice Any Common Patterns That Have Emerged over the Years

Relationships always develop patterns. Some are good, and some are bad. So, you need to look for recurring themes in your marriage that may have gotten you into trouble. Once you identify them, try something new instead of repeating the same actions in the future.

Final Thoughts

Rebuilding a marriage is not easy, but it can be done. The easiest way to have a healthy relationship is to not let it break down in the first place. However, since that’s not an option, all the tips in this article will definitely put you both on the path to resurrecting what was lost.

Source: Lifehack

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4 Bad Money Habits That Will Keep You Broke

Bad money habits are kind of hard to break. We do them over and over without even realizing it.

We all want to be rich. I mean, who doesn’t? But it’s one thing to fantasize about the many things you can do with a big paycheck and it’s another thing to muster the discipline you need to make it a reality. If you have bad money habits, you’ll get into a lot of financial trouble.

For so long, I had no clear plan for my financial journey. All I knew was there was money and it had to be spent.

Are you having issues saving? Do you feel like it’s a load of work putting some money down for the future? Well, I’ve got a couple of tips that can help you.

Here are 4 bad money habits you need to quit this minute if you want to become more financially independent:

Procrastination

This is personal for me. I put off starting an investment plan for a later time. And I just kept pushing it farther. Not that I was super busy or anything, just plain laziness and a lack of self-discipline on my part.
It wasn’t until I told myself the hard truth: that I can either continue pushing it later or just do it now and get organized. I realized that time was running out and that I had no clear financial goals.

The Fix

No one is coming to do it for you so you better get on with it. If you keep procrastinating, you’ll end up broke with lots of debts.

Impulse Purchasing/Buying

We’ve all been here. That urge to buy something. We give ourselves all the reasons why we need to have it. Impulse buying is all in the name. You see a bag and immediately want to buy it. You don’t even stop to consider the cost or whether you actually need it. You buy it before you stop to think whether you need it or can afford it.

The Fix

You need to first recognize this is a problem and keep track. Before you find yourself reaching for that candy or new pair of shoes, ask yourself if you have the resources and if you really need it. Don’t be in a rush; be certain you need it before you do.

Not Budgeting

A lot of people live on more than they make. If you don’t have a monthly budget, your money will disappear and you won’t know where it went.
A budget allows you to see how much money you’re bringing in and where it’s all going. It enables you to make changes that help you save more money and avoid going into the red each month.

Pro-tip

It doesn’t have to be a big chore. It can start with only carrying a small amount of cash with you each day. You can also sign up with a money-saving app that automatically tracks your spending for you. Here’s an easy budget template for you.

Love of Convenience

Once a while, it’s okay to make a convenience purchase. These are purchases that are routine and take little thought when being bought. However, if you find yourself regularly making convenience purchases, it’ll cost you.

Pro-tip

You can start by cooking instead of buying fast food every day. Make a regular weekend event of preparing a dish that can be separated into freezer containers for future use.

You can also stop getting that expensive breakfast on your way to work every morning and rather get up 5 minutes earlier to prepare something. I know waking up early might be hard for me so, I cook when I come home. At least I know lunch for the next day is sorted out.

So, there you have it, 4 bad money habits that are keeping you from attaining financial independence. Which of them are you  guilty of?

About Judith Abani

Judith Abani is a contributing writer and editor for She leads Africa . She is a graduate of Sociology and Linguistics. She believes that it is never late to achieve your dreams and is passionate about the success of ladies. She is an avid reader, a writer, and lover of good food and positive people.

Source: She Leads Africa

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Model Ajuzie: Signs That You May Be A Toxic Parent

Parenting has no module but there are significant signs that you as a parent ignore or overlook but it only makes you a toxic parent.
Building a healthy relationship with your child is  as important and sending them to acquire formal education. To some parents they call strict discipline but in the actual sense they are creating an invisible dangerous wall between them and their kid(s)
Here are signs that you may be having a toxic relationship with your child.

1. Not being you

Kids tend to confide in someone who show them love, listen to them without judging and allows them express their feelings and thought. As a parent if your child gets all these from a stranger, then you really need to re-evaluate their stances.
Knowing the level of menace and harm going on in today’s society, parents should try to build that trust and earn their confidence that way they will be the first to hear and know if there be any form of threat or danger to their wellbeing.
Also your relationship with your child should be one in which they can have access to discussing all which includes their academics or even social life. Make them understand your principles but still be that friend that they can depend on always

2. Your absence is irrelevant

It is a known fact that kids want to be around those who they see always and gives them that attention they crave for. To kids communication means alot and thanks to technology that has bridged the gap so parents  who are far should take advantage of this. Your opinion of them understanding your tight schedule may not be totally acceptable to them.

3. Comparing them with others

Every child is unique and no child is the same. Parents who use abusive words or deteriorating words produce kids with low self esteem.  Every child has his own potentials and should be allowed to manifest with proper  guidance and not forced  into competing with his mate. Help build their self confidence and encourage them in both their win and loss.  Celebrate their efforts and never limit their dreams and aspiration.

4.Limiting them to a particular ideology

Train a child in a way that when he grows he should be able to differentiate good from bad. He should be allowed to make certain decisions without re straying him as long as it brings no harm to him. Enforcing any form of especially when they are of age to make choices makes you a toxic parent. Allow them express their freedom of choice and when they make mistake, correct them in love without talking down their self confidence.
And finally be a role model to your child. It makes the work easier and they directly and directly pick up certain traits that shapes their being. Match your words with godly character and see the beauty in parenting. Also never forget that no child is the same with the other and every child is special in his ways.
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5 Best Dating Apps For Serious Relationships

Are you looking  for love? Is one of your 2023  goals to find love? Then this post is for you.

When it comes to app-based dating, no other application comes close to Tinder in popularity and membership size. But because it’s increasingly becoming perceived as more of a hookup app than a platform for serious relationships, more and more people are looking elsewhere to find the one.

Here are 5 best dating apps:

Hinge

Based on Hinge’s bold claim that it’s a dating app that’s “designed to be deleted,” you could immediately tell that it’s serious about forming genuine, long-lasting connections between users. And they’re serious about

Hinge boasts of an algorithm that improves itself by taking into account how successful users feel their first dates are. This means your results from using the app are bound to get better over time.

OkCupid

For the young and liberal crowd looking for lasting connections, OkCupid is as good as it gets. With dedicated space in your bio to specify your preferred pronouns and an emphasis on users’ political and social views, this app brands itself as online matchmaking that’s relevant to the times.

serious relationships

Bumble

Bumble was first founded to challenge the antiquated rules of dating. Now, Bumble empowers users to connect with confidence whether dating, networking, or meeting friends online.

Coffee Meets Bagel

Do you ever feel like your online matches never end up turning into real dates? If the answer is yes, consider using Coffee Meets Bagel.

This unique app imposes an 8-day limit on online message exchanges, which encourages dates IRL and taking things to the next level. And unlike Tinder, women outnumber the men on this app.

Match

Match.com’s dating app is best suited for people over 30. This is awesome considering how most of the newer apps coming out these days are targeted towards the younger crowd. You’re going to have to shell out some money to exchange messages through the app. But since it’s a paid app, this means you’re only going to encounter people who are serious enough about meeting someone to invest in a paid subscription.

best dating apps

A parting note

In today’s coronavirus-ridden world, being able to date and meet people virtually is a godsend. Although the world’s most popular dating app, Tinder, is now known to be more of an avenue for casual dating and hookups, there’s no need to despair. There are a number of fun, safe, and effective apps for people looking for serious relationships.

So go ahead and take your pick! Who knows? Your soulmate may be one swipe and like away.

Related:

10 Ways To Have a Successful Relationship

14 Ways To Deal With Insecurity And Jealousy In A Relationship

How To Leave A Toxic Relationship

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