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Depression can be debilitating and is very different from just feeling unhappy. Usually, there is a reason for unhappiness such as being rejected or not getting the job you wanted. Depression is a pervasive feeling. It’s almost as if you are in a black tunnel with no light. Hope disappears and the things you used to find enjoyable become a chore. Even winning the lottery would not snap someone out of depression and it is never a good idea to tell someone who is depressed to sort themselves out and pull themselves together. Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple, but there are ways to alleviate the symptoms of depression.

1. Practice Mindfulness
A depressed mind tends to mull over all that is wrong and worries unnecessarily about all the negative possibilities that may emerge in the future. This negative thought cycle reinforces misery and is not helpful in managing to overcome depression. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment and is a skill that needs to be practiced. More often than not, our brains are full of thoughts and focusing on the present moment seems unnatural for our minds. Practice on engaging your senses in the moment. Focus on touch, taste, sight, sound and smell. Engaging the senses leaves less time for worry.tely, it isn’t that simple, but there are ways to alleviate the symptoms of depression.

2. Stop the Negative Self Talk
Depressed people tend to see the world in a negative way. When things go wrong they blame themselves and when they go right, they put it down to luck. Depression reinforces self doubt and feelings of worthlessness. Monitor your inner negative talk and make allowances for this type of thinking by reminding yourself that your thinking is that of a depressed person, not a healthy functioning person. Don’t take your thoughts seriously when you are feeling low. Acknowledge the thoughts but this doesn’t mean you have to believe them. Keep perspective.

3. Distract Yourself
If possible, do your best to distract yourself from over thinking. Your thoughts are your enemy when depression sets in. Play with a pet or go for a walk. Read a book if you are able to concentrate or finish a puzzle. Do anything that takes your mind off your fears and worries. Keeping busy is an effective way to overcome depression.

4. Connect with Friends
This can be one of the hardest things to do when feeling depressed but it is one of the most rewarding activities. Force yourself to go out. Isolating oneself from others may seem a good idea but put a limit on it and then get out there again. This can have a huge positive effect on your mood.

5. Forgive Others
When we hold a grudge, we are the ones that feel the anger. The person whom we are angry with is probably merrily going about their business completely oblivious to your feelings. Don’t allow others to have this power over you. They have may have caused you grief in the past, try not to allow that grief to continue – it only affects you, not them. Find a way to forgive – they are not worthy of your time. Lighten the emotional load and you will improve your mood and help you to overcome depression.

6. Get Enough Sleep
Sleep and mood are closely connected. Inadequate sleep can cause irritability and stress, while healthy sleep can enhance well-being. Studies have shown that even partial sleep deprivation has a significant effect on mood.Take steps to ensure adequate sleep will this will lead to improved mood and well-being. The quality of your sleep directly affects the quality of your waking life, including your mental sharpness, productivity, emotional balance, creativity, physical vitality, and even your weight. No other activity delivers so many benefits with so little effort so aim for between 7.5 and 9 hours sleep per night.

7. Exercise
Regular exercise has benefits for helping to overcome depression. Exercise releases endorphins which improve natural immunity and improve mood. Besides lifting your mood, regular exercise offers other health benefits, such as lowering blood pressure, protecting against heart disease, cancer and boosting self-esteem. Experts advise getting half an hour to an hour of moderate exercise, such as brisk walking at least three to four times per week.

8. Don’t give up
Depression can make you want to hide away from the world and disappear. It’s okay to take some time out but give yourself a time limit and then do something productive to improve your mood. Depression can be well managed (I know this from personal experience) and there can be a wonderful life beyond depression. Hang in there and keep the faith.

Although the above suggestions can be effective, depression that perseveres should be investigated further and seeing a Doctor to chat over any symptoms is a step in the right direction.

 

Have you ever wondered what highly successfulwomen do on Monday mornings? Success is not created by luck, but by working hard toward reaching a specific goal. Monday morning routines set the mood for the rest of the day and the rest of the week. Here’s a list of Monday morning habits that highly successful people develop.

  1. They Wake Up Early – Set Your Alarm For 5am

They wake up early to make sure that they have plenty of time to complete all of their tasks. Waking up early also ensures that they are not late for any of their scheduled events and they have plenty of time to take care of their personal chores prior to jumping into their work load.

In an interview with Oprah, Michelle Obama shared that she wakes up early to take care of herself before her day starts. “Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up and go to work, I’d get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I’d get up and do that. But when it comes to yourself, then suddenly, ‘Oh, I can’t get up at 4:30.’ So I had to change that.”

We are only allotted so much time in each day; sleeping the day away diminishes the chances of success.

  1. They Meditate – Start With Just 5 Minutes

Monday morning meditation or prayer are great tools to envision success. It’s important to quiet the mind and let the positive energy in as soon as you wake up. If you start with meditating for 5 minutes and over time increase it to half an hour per session.

Such practices can also answer unanswered questions and lead the way to success.

Oprah meditates two times per day for 20 minutes, and she states, “I walked away feeling fuller than when I’d come in. Full of hope, a sense of contentment, and deep joy. Knowing for sure that even in the daily craziness that bombards us from every direction, there is — still — the constancy of stillness. Only from that space can you create your best work and your best life.” (HuffingtonPost)

  1. They Get Motivated – Personal Development Is Key

Highly successful people get motivated first thing on Monday morning. They read personal development books, watch inspirational videos, listen to motivational speakers. Even 15 minutes of inspirational content on Monday morning can set up your day and your week for success

Some of the books you may want to check out:

  1. They Get Active – No You Don’t Need A Gym Membership

Highly Successful people know that getting the body active is imperative on Monday mornings and throughout the week. Exercise helps the body wake up and oxygenate; by doing so, all of the cells become active and ready for the day.

  1. They Only Tend To Urgent E-mails

Most email accounts are bursting with emails on Monday mornings. Highly successful people have a way to tend just to urgent emails in the morning.

Going through a long list of random emails can waste a lot of time first thing in the morning. Tumblr’s David Karp shares, “I used to suck at e-mail. I’d let e-mails pile up, get overwhelmed, and miss important messages; or forget to reply. So I set up filters on my e-mail, and that’s been working pretty well. Now, my inbox gets e-mails only from people in my company and from my girlfriend.” (Inc.com)

You can set up filters in your email account just like David Karp did. Alternatively, you can get an email app for your smart phone. Apps like Boxer, Dispatch, and Hop can help you to quickly go through your email box to separate urgent and non-urgent emails.

 

 

 

When life breaks  you that it seems impossible to ever be healed. However, you were made to overcome and conquer. Here are eight  ways you can find hope when your world gets dark.

  1. Find hope in letting go

Sometimes you need to realize the thing making you feel hopeless really is hopeless. Much of the circumstances of this world are out of your control. When this is the case, the most helpful thing to do is to realize that you can’t change the situation and teach yourself to accept it and let go.

2. Find hope in charity

This one is my best therapy. Serving others works in two ways to help you redevelop hope. First, it gets you outside of yourself and your hopeless feelings by focusing you entirely on someone else and their needs. Second, serving helps you see the world from the perspective of someone less fortunate than yourself, elevating your perspective on your issues.

3. Find hope in prayer

Connecting with a power greater than yourself is key to redeveloping faith. You can find so much peace from the assurance that there is someone greater than you.

4. Find hope in gratitude

Reflecting on all the amazing things in your life makes all the difference when attempting to rediscover hope. When you are desperately hopeless, this can be an enormous challenge. However, with effort, you can discover meaningful and valuable pieces of your life. Make a habit of taking inventory of all your blessings and use it as a way to redevelop hope.

5. Find hope in people

Sometimes you need to lean on other people and that’s fine. Let your friends and family know that you’re struggling and look to them for that light in your life. You will feel better.

6. Find hope in stories

Engaging with uplifting stories does everything to build your hope. Seeing examples of people who were able to make their way out of hard times is an inspiring and powerful tool to redeveloping hope.This is my niche and one of the reasons the women of rubies platform came into existence.

7. Find hope in fun

Sometimes you need to separate yourself from everything that’s bringing you down. Reinvent your life by doing things that make you happy.

8.  Find hope in change

Sometimes the smallest change can make the biggest difference in restoring hope. Make a new friend, take a different route to work or try a new diet. Small changes, even though they may not be related to the source of your hopelessness, make all the difference when rediscovering hope.

 

About Esther

Esther is the  Editor-in-chief of women of rubies, a social  activist, PR expert, Writer, Author and columnist with the Guardian Newspaper.

Twitter & IG : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

 

 

 

 

High blood pressure usually has no signs or symptoms, so the only way to know if you have high blood pressure is to have yours measured. However, a single high reading does not necessarily mean you have high blood pressure.

Many things can affect your blood pressure through the day, so your doctor will take a number of blood pressure readings to see that it stays high over time.

Occasionally people with very high blood pressure say they experience headaches, but it is best to visit your GP if you are concerned about symptoms.

  • Avoid sugar and salt

You will need to limit your intake of sugar and salt, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat only bland food for the rest of your life.

In general, a healthy person should not consume more than 2,300 milligrams of sodium per day. When it comes to sugar, the main concern is avoiding “added” sugar. Our bodies need sugar to function properly, but most of it should come from sources like whole fruit rather than candy or even juice.

  • Packaged or processed meats

Packaged meats including hot dogs, bacon, sausage, and lunch meat also rely on sodium to preserve the product for a long time. Instead, buy your meat straight from a butcher to get a fresh product that hasn’t been soaked in a giant vat of saltwater.

  • Frozen meats

Did you know that the food in frozen meals may have been cooked up to a year before you actually eat it? A massive amount of salt is used to make sure the meal still tastes mostly like food by the time you eat it.

Some brands do use high quality, low sodium recipes, but you will have to pay more. Another option is to prepare several servings of your favorite meals and freeze them yourself in single-serving containers.

  • Softs drinks

Just one soda per day can push you over your daily recommended limit of added sugars, yet because you drink rather than eating them, they don’t make you feel full or satisfied.

And while caffeinated soda boosts your energy and vitality upon consumption, that feeling is very short lived and leaves you even worse off after the inevitable sugar crash.

  • Pastries

Cookies, cakes, donuts, and other baked goodies can certainly be a hard habit to break, but they are simply loaded with sugar and fat. However, you may still be able to enjoy pastries in moderation.

When eating out, share one dessert with the whole table. When you cook at home, you can make use of a sugar substitute such as applesauce, dates, or Stevia.

 

 

Credit: pulse.ng

A woman born with two wombs, two cervix and two vaginas has defied the odds to welcome a miracle baby after being told she had a 90% chance of miscarrying.

Eleanor Rowe, 36, discovered she had a rare congenital abnormality that only one in a million women have by accident in 2013. In her early 30s, still single, she decided to freeze her eggs. She went to a London clinic for two harvesting cycles. At the clinic, the sonographer mistakenly thought she had come in for IVF treatment, so a 3D scan of her womb was carried out and it showed an abnormality which led staff to believe she may have two wombs.

She was referred to Princess Alexandra Hospital where an investigative operation revealed she also had two cervix and two vaginas. The condition, known as uterus didelphys, is a rare congenital abnormality that developed when she was a fetus.

She said:

“When I was first told about it I was just really confused. I thought how could I have gone through life and not know? When I would go for smear tests, nothing was picked up. It was just by chance that it was picked up.”

In 2015, doctors removed the wall that divided the vaginas, leaving her with two cervix and wombs. but said she would be unlikely to carry children.

Eleanor said:

“They said getting a baby to full termination would be a process and that every time I would get pregnant it would help to stretch out the womb. I was also told that there was a 90 per cent chance I would miscarry. That was horrific to hear.”

But Eleanor defied the odds when three years later, she married technology consultant Chris and they got pregnant after trying everything to raise their chances.

 

Woman born with 2 vaginas and 2 wombs defies the odds to have miracle baby

 

She said:

“We were also told Japanese black beans were good for fertility. So I was eating them like there was no tomorrow. I tried to revamp my diet too by cutting out processed foods and even changed what cosmetic products I used.”

According to Metro UK, two months after the ceremony, Eleanor fell pregnant in her right and weaker womb. The fetus was attached to the thin dividing wall and she suffered a miscarriage in the first trimester. The baby hadn’t miscarried naturally though, and Eleanor was forced to spend eight hours “giving birth” in the hospital as doctors were reluctant to operate on someone with anatomy like her’s.

Eleanor said:

“Even though I had been warned about the difficulties I would face it was still devastating. But this was the first time it had really hit home and it was a reality. My baby had died but my body hadn’t naturally miscarried.”

When the couple attended a funeral service for their miscarried child, Eleanor discovered she was pregnant again.

Her pregnancy was “high risk” and at 24 weeks, she discovered she had also contracted obstetric cholestasis, a serious liver disorder which can result in stillbirth. But Eleanor beat the odds and gave birth to Imogen Rose via C-section on July 9 2019.

The new mother says she wants to use her story to encourage other women who are struggling to have babies.

 

 

Credit: LIB

We can all feel stuck at times in our emotions. They can be so strong that they literally dominate our thoughts and it can be hard to focus on anything else. God gives us a way to deal with tough emotions and that it through prayer. Let’s  look at 5 emotions we can all face and how you can turn your heart to God.

When you’re feeling worried….

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Write down everything you are worried about. Write down everything you feel grateful for.  Pray about each worry. Thank God for everything you feel grateful for.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7

God’s promise is that by turning to prayer, he can take our worries away and actually give us peace!

When you’re feeling afraid…

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. God wants us to tell him all our fears and share all our feelings with him.

PSALM 34:4

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. [5] Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him.

When your heart is sad and angry

What relationships in your life cause you pain and sadness? Who do you feel bitter towards? Pray about the hurt, sadness, and pain you feel that is making you angry.

When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Do not give the devil a way to defeat you. Share the anger with God and ask him to help you let go of it.

Pray about how the anger hurts relationships and allows Satan to defeat you and divide relationships.

PSALM 73:21

God can help us  deal with our pain and sadness. He can help us overcome bitterness when that is our response to the pain.

When you’re feeling jealous…

Anger is cruel and destroys like a flood, but no one can put up with jealousy! Who do you have jealousy towards? Admit jealousy to God in prayer and how it hurts, divides, and distances your  relationships. Peace of mind means a healthy body, but jealousy will rot your bones.

PROVERBS 14:30

Pray about how jealousy harms you, how it makes you unhappy or depressed because you always feel like other people have it better than you.

When you’re feeling disappointed…

It is sad not to get what you hoped for. But wishes that come true are like eating fruit from the tree of life. What disappointments have you experienced in your life? Take time to share those things with God.

PROVERBS 13:12

Disappointment affects our hearts more than we realize.

Challenge:

Decide everyday to take time to journal out your feelings to God (each of ones listed above). Take time to pray through those feelings everyday along with scriptures that help you understand God’s perspective on those emotions.

Photocredit ; http://thehoustonblackpages.com/

By: Esther Ijewere

Email: Esther@womenofrubies.com

Twitter & Instagram : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

***Esther Is a Social Activist, Writer, Author Columnist and the Editor in Chief of Women of Rubies.

In a commencement speech to the graduating student, former anchor, TV show host, and actor Oprah Winfrey urged the students to understand, appreciate, and execute their will to become ‘successful’ in life.
While the speech was tailored to inspire the fresh batch of graduates, looking to enter the world of adults and make their marks, certain aspects of Oprah’s  speech hold value for all of us.

  1. Alignment between who you are and what you do

“It is understanding that there is an alignment between who you are and what you do, is what authentic empowerment is.” it is imperative that your work becomes an extended version of who you are—it will push you to do what you do- all the better.

2. Fulfilment, the major definition of success

“…How to be used in the greater service to life. Ask this question and the answer will be returned and rewarded to you with fulfilment, which is the major definition of success, to me.”
To Oprah, fulfilment is directly synonymous with her idea of success. Citing her own experience, she states that one can only understand fulfilment, if they don’t have to approach another for the answer to their questions. It is only when they can fend for themselves, when they become self-reliant, they begin to emerge as the winner in their own stories. While seeking help and recommendations, we often forget that we are our greatest support-system. Next time you need help, look inwards. More often than not, you’ll find that you had the solution all along.

3. Listen to your inner-self

“Everybody has what I call this instinct, this inner voice. Every decision I’ve ever made that led me to the right space and place in my life, I got there because I relied on that inner voice.”
When Oprah made the decision of leaving the network to go launch her own show, she knew that she was taking a huge risk. She knew that she might fall flat on her face. However, as she said in her speech, she had this inner-voice urging her on, telling her that this was the right thing to do. And so she listened to it, and as a result, she is now one of the richest women in the world. All of us wrestle with making the ‘correct decisions’, no matter how big or small. There is always the possibility that we could make a huge mistake. However, we all have that voice in our head, telling us what we need to do. And more often than not, it helps us make some of the best decisions of our lives.

4. What is your intention?
“I decided that the notion of intention, knowing why you want to do something, not just doing it but understanding the why behind the doing, could also change the paradigm for every show.” Adding to this in a different speech, she said: “The reason we were number one for 25 solid years is because we intended to be.”
Inspired by the works of Gary Zukav, one of the greatest influences in her life, Oprah says that without intention, life never picks up and success becomes a far-off dream. However, when you intend to make something of your work, your ambitions, and your dreams, it pays off and you get where you need to be.
Oprah passionately believes that listening to her own desires and acting upon them with great intention got her where she is today. Maybe it’s time, you try the same.

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” If that’s true, you’d better believe that you’re going to catch any noxious qualities your top 5 are suffering from. Keep in mind: these kinds of infections aren’t only spread through physical contact. You can catch them through social media or even television. In other words, the 5 people you spend the most time with could be people you haven’t met, people whose Instagram profiles you constantly peruse or even fictional characters on a television show you watch daily.

At any rate, if any of your top 5 people are on this list, quarantine yourself from them post-haste before you catch their bad qualities.

The pessimist

You find the day looks a little grayer after hanging out with this fellow. She has a habit of seeing the mud instead of the sun, and she tends to leave glasses half empty all over your house. Her negativity is catching, so make sure to expel this friend from your life.

Symptoms of spending time with the pessimist are: loss of sunny attitude, prevalent dissatisfaction with daily activities, whiny voice and chronic complaining.

The envier

She can’t help but want what you have. This is the girl  who starts telling you how great single life is as soon as you have a boyfriend or plays down the fact that you rocked it at work. Good friends are happy about your successes, but the envier is not a good friend.

Symptoms of having this character in your life: unusual dissatisfaction with and unwarranted guilt for things you were previously grateful for.

The gossiper

I’m not going to say there’s no satisfaction from gossiping, but at the end of the day, do you want to be a person who talks about others behind their backs? This friend makes all that dishing so easy-it’s practically inescapable. He thinks he’s making others look bad, but when all is said and done, the gossiper is the one who’s looking pretty awful.

Symptoms of chilling with your gossiper homie: increased unfair judgment, damaged friendships and loss of trust.

The victim

“Woe is me!” is the mantra of this friend. She doesn’t appreciate your advice because there’s obviously nothing she can do to fix the situation. I mean, it’s not like any of her life’s tragedies are her fault.

Symptoms of having a victim in your life: recurring pointed finger, loss of problem-solving skills and reduced motivation.

The backstabber

Let’s be real-Caesar didn’t seem too surprised when Brutus approached him with a knife. You know which friends you can trust and which you can’t. Don’t give someone trust they don’t deserve. The backstabber wants the upper hand, and staying friends with this character is just giving him the opportunity to take it.

Symptoms of developing a relationship with a backstabber: damaged reputation, diminished self-esteem and increased desire to grab knives.

Even though these people are infecting you, take care when removing them from your life. After all, your goodness may have a healing effect on them. This doesn’t mean you should be in the business of fixing anyone. It just means you should do your best to avoid causing further damage when you might have the power to soothe their ails.

On the other hand, you can always avoid making these toxic people the top 5 who occupy your life. Limit their presence on your news feed. Dilute their influence by hanging out with them in groups. And if this toxic person is someone you don’t even know, remove him or her completely.

 The buzzwords going around this first month of the year are Goals and Goal-Setting! Throughout the media, Internet and even in the Board Rooms, Goal setting is BIG. It’s everywhere and everyone is talking about how important it is to set your goals.

Before now goal setting was considered a masculine activity. Women relish in their ability to multi-task and get loads of things done at the same time and quickly too, so they shy away from setting clear, specific and meaningful goals. Many female entrepreneurs still have not realised the power of setting effective business goals.

To be a female entrepreneur without business goals is like getting in the car and driving around town without a clear direction of where you are going!

It is impossible to really know if your daily activities and strategies are moving you in the right direction if you do not set business goals.

Can you imagine getting in the car to go shopping without knowing what market or shop you want to go to or where they are located? That is precisely what you do when you begin your business year without a goal in mind.

Not only should you set goals for your business, you should also map out strategies on how you will achieve each goal and set deadlines. Goals should be written down and reviewed over time to ensure you are hitting your targets. Here are a few tips to help you set achievable goals in 2017.

Identify What You Want

The first real step to an effective goal setting is knowing what you want in life. As simple as that may sound if you ask many people what they want and where they would realistically want to be in a year, two years or five years, they do not have a clue. Speak to employers of labour, I’m sure they can relate!

So sit down and work out what you truly want in life, business, family, career and even leisure. There is an excellent tool you can use as guide called ‘The Wheel of Life’.

Make Your Goals Holistic

Set goals in every area of your life – Social, Family, Business, Relationships, Leisure, Spiritual and Financial Goals.

Write Your Goals Down

Write down your goals as often as you can. Our brain cannot keep a tab on all our thoughts so, Write Them Down! Remember, The faintest ink is more powerful than the strongest memory!

Keep It Simple

Do not overwhelm yourself with too many goals. You cannot change everything in a day. And everything you want in life cannot be achieved in one single year. So keep it real, keep it simple!! Take consistent action and over time, you will get to where you want to be

One Step At A Time

Don’t get overwhelmed with goals that seem too far-fetched and unrealistic. They should be realistic and achievable. For example if you are a jewelry maker and you currently make 10 jewelry sets a week. Would it make sense to increase to 100 a week from 10? A more realistic goal would be 15-20 a week and when you achieve that you can increase again to 25 -30. In other words, set incremental goals and build the momentum. This way your Goals Will Be Achievable Or Doable.

Record Your Milestones

Track your progress and list your accomplishments as you go along. This is important because when you hit setbacks and get frustrated, your achievement so far will help you stay encouraged and focused.

Reward Yourself

Whenever you have achieved a set goal, reward yourself. This helps you to stay motivated.Clearly, from these few tips, goal setting is definitely not as complex and scary as it sometimes appears. Setting goals is only designed to help stretch you and make you grow.

Nonetheless after following these steps, if you don’t take action to execute all you have put down, your goals will be nothing but dreams or a mere wish and that doesn’t take you anywhere but leaves you worse than the person who didn’t write at all! So, take charge of your goals and focus on achieving great results. You can do it!

Many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before commitment and marriage, so they end up becoming strangers to each other and later find themselves at the centre of a hot-headed dispute with regrets and consequences. However, this can be avoided, if the following questions are asked:

What do we truly want in a relationship?

Not what someone else (family, friends or society) thinks it should be but what you both want in a relationship. You will be living together 24-hours per day and 7 days per week for the rest of your lives and blending your life with another is very crucial.  Is it only love, fun, affection, sexual satisfaction, shared responsibilities, open mindedness, support for each other’s goals?

What are you unwilling to accept and tolerate?

This is an important question with an endless list that includes: abuse, addiction, control, emotional manipulation, co-dependent tendencies, financial irresponsibility, self-centeredness, lying, infidelity, laziness, etc. The erroneous belief that love is enough to sustain and tolerate these isn’t always the case afterwards. Talking about this before commitment will help to prevent conflict eventually.

How will we handle money?

This is a major cause of conflict among couples. Will you both operate joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? This is an issue that often leads to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way. Discuss many specifics about money before commitment in order to avoid a potential split and daily arguments.

How many children do we prefer to have?

It is unsafe to assume that your partner feels the same way as you do regarding having children without both of you discussing it. Questions regarding sex of the children, number of children, addressing fertility issues in case it arises, adoption, infertility treatments are important. Ensure you both have similar perspective on this crucial topic before commitment in order to prevent separation later in life.

How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in our lives?

It is crucial to draw clear boundaries of your parents’ or extended family’s interference into your lives. Ensure there is clarity on what you will both accept and what you will not accept. However, consider that here in Nigeria, when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

Would we share domestic duties?

Although, women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, but many women prefer house chores are to be shared between a couple.  Endeavour to ask this important question, if you are to have a fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking, washing the dirty clothes, bathing the children, etc. These lifestyle factors can determine how frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out before commitment!

Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Are you both completely satisfied with your sex drive?  Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting? Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate eventually. Often times, several couples do have a relationship or sexual issue at some point.  However, proper communication will help to prevent this problem from escalating and adequately help a couple to resolve it. Sexual in-satisfaction usually leads to masturbation, infidelity, and eventually divorce if not managed properly.

So, before commitment, you should ask each other these salient questions above and endeavour to have clear answers, convictions in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage.

 

Source: Guardian.ng