women of rubies Archives - Page 8 of 18

In self development July 14, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Olabisi Animashuan: Pre-conceived Bias And Housing Discrimination Of Lagos Landlords Towards Single Women.

“I don’t understand why Lagos Landlords have a problem with renting out their apartments to single women” I hear the worry and frustration in my sister’s voice at the other end of the line. The prawn crackers I was munching on became tasteless in my mouth. We’ve been on this conversation for the past twenty minutes. I sigh. I understand her predicament. Our other sister had the same issue while she was apartment hunting. Ever the adventurous one, she had wanted to move out of the house as soon as she got a job after serving the fatherland in Kwara State.

She was initially posted to the far end of Wamba in Nasarawa State, our parents, after a long series of argument, emotional blackmail, and threats had reached a compromise with her; they would agree on a state not too far from home but Ogun, Oyo, and Osun States are out of the options. Fully aware of the efforts it took her to reach a compromise; they had agreed to facilitate her redeployment to Kwara State. After service, she got a great job at a top publishing firm in Lagos and couldn’t wait to leave home; “A girl also needs her privacy” she always says. I recall the number of times she would lament to our parents and whoever cared enough to listen about how unfair society treats women. A single woman can hardly get accommodation in a decent environment without pretending to be engaged or presenting a father figure in her life to testify of responsibility and his willingness to grant her the freedom she desires. Long story short, after much persuasion, dad had gone with her to the agents of some of the apartments she was interested in.

I try persuading my sister to go through the route our other sister eventually took. I mean, if a single woman cannot gain decent accommodation because of the prejudice the society has on singleness and women in general, what else can a girl do? Lagos landlords are of the opinion that women are mostly sponsored by their parents, husbands, or the numerous men in their lives. If things go sour between the ‘small girls’ and their ‘big gods’, the rent will suffer for it. That again is another prejudice, a stereotype that women are not as hardworking and financially stable as their male counterparts. My sister still continues to rant, demanding to know why her decision should be based on her marital status or parental influence. Seeing that I was making no headway as she is already determined, I calmly listen to her rants and let her know all will be well.

After saying our goodbyes, I begin to ponder on what we had just discussed. I have never thought about leaving my parents’ house without leaving for my matrimonial home. I still have no intention to do so, except if my career demands it. Probably because I’m very attached to my parents, being the last child. I recall my brother didn’t have this kind of problem. The landlord had only insisted that the rent be paid when due, the number of occupants shouldn’t be more than three at any point since that was stated clearly in their agreement form and loud parties will not be tolerated. Those rules were fair enough. Any responsible person would easily abide by them.

I can’t help but believe these hideous beliefs and bias stem from the deeply rooted patriarchal system African countries, especially Nigeria are cursed with. Why my financial capabilities would be judged by my gender. A woman by ‘default’ is judged incapable, not because she doesn’t have a job, but because she’s a single WOMAN.

It’s funny how many people would turn a blind eye to discriminating against females wanting to be independent. Others might even validate the act. It is very understanding and acceptable if the basis of rejection is based on the premises of the individual doesn’t have a stable job hence the fear of defaulter in payment of rent or the individual has a track record of recklessness and irresponsibility. I recall reading about an interview with a property owner and landlord, Coleman Nwafor and BBC Africa, Mr. Nwafor had said that the bulk of his tenants are men because they have more than women.

Asides the financial ‘insecurity’ bias, many landlords and property developers, are driven by the belief that women cannot — or should not — live outside their father or husband’s house. Another evidence of how much damage the patriarchal belief system has done to our society.

My sister had earlier shared with me the very unnecessary and invasive questions the landlords of the apartments she had inspected had thrown at her, “Why would you want to leave alone? Don’t you know you’re a woman? Are your parents still alive? What do they think of this act of yours?

Another had said “You look old enough for marriage, why are you still unmarried? One of them had even with all sincerity told her that men do not want a woman who is already ‘settled’ getting an apartment as a single woman would reduce her chances of getting married, no man wants a woman who doesn’t need him, a woman who has it all would find difficult to be submissive to her husband. The society has made marriage the ultimate attainment of a woman and normalised policing women about. There is already established bias, that the need for a single lady to live apart from her parent is to fuel her wayward lifestyle, most definitely to live her life unsupervised. The upper-class single women seem to have it a little easier though they still endure some wagging tongues and snide remarks about their lifestyle.

If we are aware of and irritated about how tribalistic landlords can be when it comes to choosing their tenants, and then we can imagine how most women have it worse, one from discrimination against their tribe and then their gender.

Can you testify to these ridiculous and backward reasoning acts? Please share your experience with us and how you handled it.

Written by: Olabisi Animashuan

In Editor's Choice July 14, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Widows, If Your In-Laws Rob You, Seek Redress Legally- Hope Nwakwesi

Hope Ifeyinwa Nwakwesi is the founder of Almanah Hope, a non-governmental organisation focused on lending a helping hand and giving a new lease of life to Nigerian widows. Though she was widowed early in her marriage, the educational supervisor, author, radio presenter and social entrepreneur, was never deterred in her life’s course. Joining the rest of the world to celebrate this year’s International Widows’ Day, she launched Nigeria’s first Widows’ Database, which seeks to accommodate Nigerian widows, especially those in the rural areas. In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she talks about the widows’ protection bill, ending harmful practices against widows and why men must begin to take family planning and will writing more seriously.

You recently organised an event in Nigeria to mark the International Widows Day (IWD), how did it go?
It went well. We had Her Excellency, Dr Aisha Buhari as the Special Guest of Honor, with the Minister of Women Affairs, Dame Pauline Tallen, as the host. We also had notable speakers such as the UN Women Country Representative, Comfort Lamptey, the media and other notable stakeholders and speakers. Pauline Tallen launched the Nigerian Widows Database, as Comfort Lamptey confirmed the parameters required in the data collection. We discussed the need for the widows’ protection bill and the importance of amplifying these issues and works.

Tell us about the database, how would that benefit widows?
The Nigeria widows’ database initiative came up during this pandemic. As we all know, the effects of the lockdown affected so many especially widows whose source of income are predominantly from daily sales. I have many widows on my phone, seeking for assistance even from other states. I remember seeing some government agencies on Twitter talking about their palliative actions and I asked for help for my widows, but they didn’t respond to me. I then realised that there’s a need to help ourselves using data so that widows in the rural areas can also benefit. We contacted Women Radio to partner with us as we set out to start the data collection.

One fundamental challenge during the distribution of palliatives was a clear absence of a comprehensive database, including a database for widows in Nigeria. A database will go a long way in direct Federal Government intervention through the Ministry and in the appropriate channeling of much-needed resources to target programmes, demographics and households, thus directly improving the welfare of widows. It will help commissioners and local councils create localised programmes on skill acquisitions and empowerment. Having a database will in time, help widows seek for their own rights from relevant authorities knowing that they will have no excuse of not knowing how to reach them. A demographic database will also help attract international bodies with programmes and facilities as they can easily and directly access them from the data. The psychological effect of being counted is an antidote of the long experience ‘sin of omission.’

How did you get into fighting for the rights of Nigerian widows?
I was widowed young with four young kids between the ages of 4 and eight. It was a painful experience as I had to battle at every side; from harmful cultural practices (though my rites were the basic as the human factor was excluded off mine as I had my liberal and literate in-laws which shunned the vindictive ones) to the social issues. As a widow, my experience was traumatic and a long one. One month after I buried my police officer husband, I came back from the village to the barracks to meet a letter ejecting my children and me from the barracks. Three months later, I went to my office at a police school where I worked as a teacher and saw some people at the notice board. As I went there to see what they were reading, posted on it was my letter of suspension. My legs buckled under me and I fainted. These are just a few examples of the systemic rot that goes on to which millions of women are not speaking about due to fear and shame.

How do we eradicate these harmful practices perpetrated against Nigerian widows?
For last year’s IWD walk, we said we were going to end every widowhood rite that violates women’s dignity; we shared flyers in the streets and markets of Lagos Island and Mainland, Awka and Abuja with our suggested 7 points action which are: Government must pass the law and transmit it to the masses using all channels; Traditional rulers send a letter to every family; use town criers to disseminate the stop order; Religious leaders must talk and preach against these harmful practices; All age-grades meetings must begin to speak against and stop these practices; Schools must inculcate it in the curriculum and enlighten children and youths; Improved media enlightenment and campaign; Posters calling for the end to these practices must be pasted on all women affairs offices, secretariat, Local Government headquarters, primary healthcare and strategic centres; stating it with the place of complaints in English and local languages.

And I add again, organisations, review your CSRs, let your advertising inculcate it; sponsor programmes that address social issues. Imagine a company’s advert and billboards saying, ‘Confiscating a widows property is stealing; report to so and so if you are a victim.’

You have been advocating for the widow’s protection bill, how would this bill protect them?
Yes, Almanah Foundation has prepared and submitted for consideration in the Federal House of Representatives, a bill for an Act to eliminate all forms of repressive cultural practices against widows, provide for the protection of their fundamental human rights and for other matters connected thereto, 2020. This Bill shall be cited as Widows Protection Bill, this is currently in the hand of Hon. Adejoro Adeogun (Akoko South East/South West Federal Constituency), which he promised would be having its first reading in March but was badly affected by the lockdown. I call upon all women and influencers to please partner with us and get this comprehensive protection rights for women passed.

You are also at the forefront of the fight to eliminate violence against women and girls, how far have you gone in that regards?
As a teacher and educational administrator with three daughters and six grandkids, I believe in nipping SGBV in the bud. There’s a subtle downward transmission of these GBV practices from our culture and intentional teaching is required to re-orient our youths. This gave birth to our inter-secondary competition on violence against women and girls in celebration of International Day for Elimination of Violence against Women and Girls through the 16 days of activism from which I produced my second book, Message to the Youth.

Schools are made to decorate the entrance with posters depicting the various forms of this violence and students write articles and poems on them. It has been informative and rewarding these past three years but regrettable, as neither the Women Affairs Ministry nor Education Ministry, which I have constantly approached, found it interesting or a need as I continue to spearhead it alone.

Loss of financial power is a major challenge most widows face, how are you helping them surmount this hurdle?
By mentoring them; start at your level, readjust your lifestyle but don’t destroy yourself. Create a ‘financial hub’ by having multiple sources of income, even if it is to sell sachet water. Change accommodation, schools and whatever if you must begin again at your strength. We’ve supported some with cash and others with the loan, but I’m a great advocate of widowhood not being a charity case. So, it’s better to help them to build up themselves from where they are.

Tell us how your widow cooperative club works, how do members benefit?
We have two types; Esusu, where we contribute and each takes and contributes and shares quarterly, yearly or as the need arises. The second is a partnership business we just flagged off in Enugu, an AHCoOps agricultural business where we buy, produce and sell farm products in partnership.

You often say that until widows’ issues become an integral part of all discussions and actions of gender equality, there will be no equity in the equality, why?
My simple answer will be what transpired between two women and myself. First, I met an educated, widely travelled woman I met after church service one day and gave her a copy of my book A Widow’s Window to buy. She pushed it back to me, saying, “Hold it till I know any widow I can give it to.”

The second encounter, I met a woman two years ago in Abuja, a prominent actor, a one-time political head, a great influencer and a personal assistant to another bigger politician. We sat on the same table at the Women Radio Voice of Women award 2018. I gave her an invitation to The Widows Summit we were having that November. She gave me the invite back, saying she’s not a widow; that’s the attitude of women to widows’ issues from churches, social, family circles and so on. Some people think I’m crazy, but after 26 years as an educationist, I’m not. I have even sent a letter to UN Women asking them to first address the ‘sin of omission’ by changing to ‘International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Widows, Women and Girls’ having identified Day of the Girl Child, International Women’s Day and International Widows Day. Removing them on a day they want to address the violation is an exclusion that makes us invisible.

A lot of people have argued that the Ministry of Women Affairs isn’t doing enough for Nigerian women, what’s your take on that?
Yes and No. Yes, because I’m personally yet to see or hear of a standing project of empowerment to girls, women and widows to which any of this group is benefiting from. Judging from my past experiences of having approached them for most of our programmes that are serious GBV issues, their outright unrest, even as we seek the only endorsement, leaves me bewildered. No, because of the singular act of the present honorable minister of Women Affairs this IWD of her endorsement of the Nigeria Widows Database and her promise to ensure their rights are enshrined. The Ministry of Women Affairs needs to wake up and present a preventive, prosecutive and rehabilitative front; not just in their files, but also in the communities. They should start by sponsoring programmes on GBV education on radios in their various states and create posters and billboards on these issues across their local government communities.

Do you think these women can be better empowered and supported through careers as against just teaching them to make soaps, bread and the likes?
I think that skill acquisition is part of career development, but it is the presentation that is the issue. I’m of the school of thought that says our new norm of empowerment of widows and women must be modified to our former vocational and technical education. University education is great, but we can see the massive unemployment and importation of almost everything we use today. We used to have secondary/technical and vocational schools for both women and men, but they’ve all been abandoned. Proper skill training for young women and girls will help her build a career as she perfects her skill, but ad-hoc empowerment training often does not as she’s not fully equipped. We have a Widows and Women Empowerment Program (WaWEp), a project that will take this training to the widows and women to their space, giving them ample opportunity and time to master one skill and build a career of it; which we’ve already submitted to Federal Ministry of Women Affairs.

How do you think the government and private individuals can lend tangible support to widows?
Government should provide a policy to protect her rights, having identified the absence of a legal framework that is targeted at widows. I personally believe that supporting widows is protecting her rights and providing facilities for her to be independent and not be a liability. An educational scholarship/loan for her children, health insurance, SME loans by government, organisations and individuals can help cushion her struggle as she builds herself with less humiliation and abuse.

How can Nigeria end SGBV against women and girls?
We must go back to the basics, starting from family, schools, media and religion. As parents, we must teach our children from infancy that ability is not gendered sensitive. While the physiological differences must be respected and observed accordingly, abilities are both inherent and can be nurtured for both sexes. Schools must have gender-based education as core and extra curriculum and intentional education of SGBV laws. Last year, walking into one of the schools, a teacher approached me and said, ‘you’re Almanah Hope? I just want to say thank you!’ I asked what for and she said, ‘when I was nominated to prepare our students on the competition, I was angry, asking myself what is this one again. But something I observed between my students changed my perception. An argument ensued between students (a boy and a girl); the girl jumped on the boy and grabbed his collar. Raising his fist high, he dropped it and said, “If not because they said beating is violence, I would have given you the beating of your life.’ The competition was to draw, colour and paste on their school entrance the various activities of violence against women and girls. Imagine that young boy absorbing this teaching intermittently; he will grow with a respectable attitude to the female gender. Media must intensify education and information; Religious bodies must begin to preach an end to SGBV on the pulpit and even in Sunday school classes.

If you could change something for Nigerian women, what would that be?
Our cultural perception of women! The patriarchal society aftermath of ‘she’s a women,’ her ability defined in her sexuality.

Where do you draw inspiration from, how do you stay motivated when things aren’t going the way you want?
My inspiration comes from God and life itself. You see, my life did not go as planned, but I had to walk into the unplanned to get a plan. My motivation comes from my experience and my profession. Yes, I told myself that life would not swallow me as I got up to move and at each difficulty; I pause to say if I survived that I will survive this. When things start going wrong and I seem to see myself in the left, I have learned to walk on the right.

What last words do you want to leave with women reading this that have been inspired by you?
Widowhood is in the life evolution of every woman who says, ‘I do.’ Women are strong forces in families, the ‘Umuada or Ndi nyom’ speak up and take actions. Women, be independent in your dependent; love and respect your man, but let not your man be your hands so that his death will not be an amputation of your hands. Mothers, let’s teach our daughters and not just give them working tools, but also make them greater worker before they say, ‘I do.’ Women, keep your hands very busy and be involved in all his doing. Family planning education and will writing campaign should start again especially in our rural communities, making them know they can enjoy sex without producing children. Many children at bereavement are more responsibilities for those left behind. Men, as husbands, plan your home from day one to protect your wife and kids in case God forbid, the unplanned happens. You cannot be too sure that your family will do the right thing, but one thing you can be sure of is that the mother of your kids would take care of them with her life.

Widows, if your in-laws rob you, seek redress legally, but don’t make it your profession; you must face front and take responsibility for your life.

In Inspiration July 7, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere :12 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do

Mentally strong women have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do…

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8.They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

In self development July 7, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Esther Ijewere:15 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Two days ago Girl child advocate Olamide Alli was gruesomely murdered by the father of her kids, he plucked out her eyes, took out her braids with pliers and stabbed her 11 times, then killed himself afterwards.

The relationship which was started when she was 17 years old was described as toxic and controlling by many who knew the couple when they were alive.

Many women have been programmed to endure abusive relationships, an age long tradition of keeping face and suffering and smiling that make many women redundant or send them to their early grave.

However, Domestic Violence is a two way traffic, as men also suffer violence in relationships, but ego and societal perception of being seen as weak make them endure.

Three years ago there was a popular case of a lawyer who stabbed her husband thrice in the back and several times on his private part. Some tagged it a crime of passion while some women came to her defense , but I won’t support such irresponsible act, just because the culprit has the “W” tag. No justification for violence of any kind!!!!

Man or Woman no one deserves to die in such a way.

We nee to continue advocating for the rule of “Walking Away”, and stop telling people to manage abusive relationships, you are saving them from being killed or stopping them from killing out of psychological torture.

Abusive relationships are unfortunately very common. They come in forms of physical abuse and emotional abuse, in which both are equally as devastating.

Most are just pushed under the rug, in hopes their partners will change, out of fear of their partner, thinking it is just a momentary reaction or thinking it is completely normal. Abusive relationships are definitely unhealthy, and should not be continued. An abusive partner normally will never change, no matter how much they claim they are going to.

Here are signs you are in an abusive relationship and why you need to walk away ;

Being treated as a property or sexual object

2.Others see the abuser as a very nice person and the abuser acts very pleasant and loving between acts of violence

Denying the seriousness of the violence and /or blaming it on circumstances like stress, anger, partners behaviour, drugs, alcohol or other reasons

4. Constant jealousy , calls and/or surprise visits.

5. Controlling and/or treating you like a child such as interrogating intensely, tracking location, having to ask permission to go places or try new things, keeping all the money, and asking for receipts and proof of what you’ve been up to

6. Unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior and treatment

7. Isolation from family, friends, cars, phones, jobs, and/or the public

8. Name calling, degrading, and/or humiliating

Manipulating your emotions and making you feel like you’re the problem

10. Easily insulted, angered, or saddened

11. Feeling fear, nervous, unsafe, trapped, or hopeless

12. Forceful sex

13. Blaming others for mistakes

Arguing constantly and quickly.

Feel free to add other signs you know, remember nothing is worth losing your life/or going to jail for.

Walking away cost you nothing , just tell your legs to receive common sense before your hands get you in trouble.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

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Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

In Interviews&profile June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

“One Of The Most Difficult Things To Do Is Leading People”- Kolajo Blessing

“Breaking the glass ceiling” is one the best things that came out of Hillary Clinton contesting for Presidency. A tag line she often used during her campaign, to encourage women to take charge and squash their limiting beliefs. Kolajo Blessing is one of such women! She has not just broken through the glass ceiling, but also encouraging other women in her generation to do so.She is the first Female President of OOU Literary and Debating Society and also the first Female President of VeeCee Success Stories, a position she holds in a bid to share stories of young women and men alike, as an undergraduate of Olabisi Onabanjo University. Blessing is also an excellent writer and a great spoken word artist. She recently wowed people with her craft on Instagram when she did spontaneous spoken word session about Slay queens. The double President shares her inspiring journey with me in this interview.

Childhood Preparation
My childhood days prepared me a lot for what I do today, and the things I will still do in the future. I remember growing up was not so fun for me because I took interest in what my age groups do not enjoy doing which was reading literary texts, so I spend more of my time with imaginary characters in novels. My daddy would trek down to the bookshop to buy storybooks for me every weekend, which I would finish reading before he comes back from work, and that was at the age of seven. I enjoyed watching the news, too, which has served as a platform for my exposure because I grew up in a rural environment.

Being the President of OOU Literary and Debating Society and first female president of Veecee Success Stories
If I’m asked I will say one of the most difficult things to do is to lead people. It was difficult waking up to the reality that there are a set of people looking up to me in many aspects, having to think that any bad decision I make affects many others. Having to do all this, along with achieving my academic vision and personal development, gave me a tough time. However, the experience I had has shaped and moulded me into a better person; leadership isn’t easy but it’s worth it.

Being a student and managing my role
Time management and setting priorities. I denied myself of a whole lot of things; I scrapped my fun time totally and fused it into my creativity. I do not attend impromptu programmes, neither do I go for unnecessary visits. My schedule was church, lectures, library, official meetings and any events where I have been called to perform. It wasn’t easy for me because I am a youth and I have needs, but some prices are worth paying to achieve the goal of self-development, which I did because I had the best results of my life during that period.
Using my position to squash stereotype of women holding powerful positions in the society

I set an example by leading the associations even better than my predecessors who were males, because people were wondering that this small girl cannot do it. Also, I remember that each time an assignment was meant to be given or an opportunity arises in any of the associations that I led, what I did was to conduct a capacity test to pick someone suitable for the job. In most cases, the female members perform better and I do not hesitate to pick them since they have proven themselves worthy regardless of the gender reservations that has been for that position, because I believe women are tools for greatness and not humans that should always occupy the backseat. Also, I write to influence the mind of the society positively about the issue of gender discrimination.

Being a Poet
What inspired my poetry is just the need to express myself in a way that is unique and beautiful. However, when I noticed that I am making positive impact, I started doing more and that is what has brought me to limelight and accord this kind of honour to me. Be on the lookout for many things, by June of this year I will be launching three poetry collections for junior secondary school one, two and three titled “Raindrops” and many other great things shall follow.

Three women who inspire you to be better and why
The number one woman that inspired me a lot when I was a child was Professor Dora Akunyili, she was an intelligent woman, I do watch her speak on NTA when I was young. Also, the words of Michelle Obama and Chimamanda Adichie are energy giving shots to my soul.

Challenges of being an undergraduate joggling so many things at once
Managing people especially when they are older than me was the first challenge, getting people of like minds to work with was my second challenge. Lastly, having to cope with challenges of being a teenager/youth, peer pressures and the likes was so difficult.

Being a Woman of Rubies
I am a Woman of Rubies because I am productive, and I have something valuable to offer my generation and beyond. I am beautiful and strong regardless of the circumstances around me.

To young women who are afraid to live their dreams
Dear young girls, the best motivation you can ever have in life is having a clear vision that will always serve as a drive to your success. Never be afraid to accept challenges, never be afraid to bring those dreams into reality, for only the brave can rule this world and do not neglect the place of God, for his grace will always be sufficient for you.

Values OOU has instilled in me as an undergraduate
The first value is perseverance, the harsh condition of the school and its administrative system has taught me to persevere. I can say OOU, through the people that I have met, gave me the best gift I have now which is poetry.

In self development June 15, 2020 By Editor

#MondayMotivation: 7 Important Questions To Ask Yourself When Making Difficult Career Decisions

Your 20s are an important time. We’re told the personal and professional choices you make during this decade set the foundation of your adult life. A good problem you’re likely to face is which job to take: The one that promises security or the one that promises experience? The higher-paid one or the one with fast growth opportunity.

These choices can’t be made with a simple pros and cons list. You can find yourself longing for a crystal ball that can make the decision for you. Here are seven major questions to ask yourself.

1. Does it motivate you to learn something new?

We’ve long been instructed to specialize in college degrees, career trajectories, company ladders, etc. But specializing early at the expense of cultivating experience and contextual knowledge can limit your potential and stunt your self-discovery.

A familiar, comfortable job in a young career can be insidious. If an option you’re weighing will challenge you to stretch your concept of career, your long-term professional benefit will likely outweigh the short-term risk.

2. Does it push you to learn something about yourself?

Relative to risk, there’s usually no better time for self-discovery through work than your 20s. When considering a new opportunity, give more weight to the exploration and development possibilities of the role, rather than the job title or immediate responsibilities. Your early career experiences should give you room to grow and try something new.

My intended path was within the entertainment industry. I may never have discovered my passion for healthcare, technology and analysis without an openness to explore it.

Remain open to opportunities outside your original vision of career. You may have a hidden talent or interest that’s waiting to be discovered.

3. Does it scare you, just a little?

We grow most from those moments and experiences that force us to stretch beyond our limits. Be unapologetically ambitious, even when logic and security suggest an alternate route.

4. Does it scare your friends and family, just a little more?

Naturally, those who love you most want to protect you. Because of that instinct, they may steer you towards a safe choice to limit your risk of loss or failure. Although their intentions are pure, their influence can be stifling.

If your near-and-dear are directing you away from an opportunity, consider the loving biases that they carry. Many times, the best decisions for our personal and professional growth are difficult for others to understand.

5. Does it change the way you evaluate success?

If you only measure your success by 401k balances, promotions and bonuses, you’ve mistakenly focused your attention on byproducts instead of the personal and professional experience along the way.

Give yourself opportunities to find what’s meaningful to you, and give yourself room to grow your ideas of success.

6. Will it surround you with passionate people?

Passion is contagious and powerful. Surround yourself with energy and innovation, and you’ll adopt the same vigor.

That fervent energy transforms our world every day. If you’re deliberating what’s best for you, consider the people who will teach you when you get there.

7. Does it excite you to talk about it?

Notice if you can’t stop rambling to your friends and family about the opportunity in question. It means something! Enthusiasm and buy-in is critical in an opportunity’s potential success.

Tally the number of times the opportunity organically comes to mind. Pay attention to what you’re thinking. Is it the experience? Earnings potential? Outcomes? There’s no wrong answer, but understanding your own drivers and interests will give you insight into what’s most important about your potential next step.

With every decision, embrace the privilege that you can chart your own path. But also allow that path early in your career to help shape you, too.

Credits: Cash Forshee

talentculture.com

In self development June 14, 2020 By Editor

19 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Be Good To Yourself

Hey you! Did you know that you’re very special? There is no other person in this world like you. You deserve to be loved not only by those around you but by the most important person in your life — YOU. Practicing self-love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times when we face serious challenges. It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness. We practice self-love so we can push through our limiting beliefs and live a life that truly shines.

So do yourself a favor, take a deep breath, give yourself a little hug and start practicing the following:

1.Start each day by telling yourself something really positive. How well you handled a situation, how lovely you look today. Anything that will make you smile.

2.Fill your body with food and drink that nourishes it and makes it thrive.

3.Move that gorgeous body of yours every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.

4. Don’t believe everything you think. There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life.

5. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you. Let them remind you just how amazing you are.

6. Stop the comparisons. There is no one on this planet like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.

7. End all toxic relationships. Seriously. Anyone who makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life.

8. Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you have achieved.

9. Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s incredible the feeling we get when we realize we have achieved something we didn’t know or think we could do before.

10. Embrace and love the things that make you different. This is what makes you special.

11. Realize that beauty cannot be defined. It is what you see it as. Don’t let any of those Photoshopped magazines make you feel like your body isn’t perfect. Even those models don’t look like that in real life.

12. Take time out to calm your mind every day. Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be.

13. Follow your passion. You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time. The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work. You should go do that!

14. Be patient but persistent. Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times.

15. Be mindful of what you think, feel and want. Live your life in ways that truly reflect this.

16. Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favor, but that’s their problem not yours.

17. Find something to be grateful for every day. It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on.

18. Reach out to family, friends, healers, whomever you need to help you through the tough times. You are not expected to go through them alone.

19. Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.

Source: Lifehack

Pic credit: Bing

In self development June 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Enitan Facos: 3 Huge Mistakes Women Make That Push Men Away

So you met a man and everything was going great between the two of you. Or so you thought.

Then, quick as lightning, he was out the door.

When it comes to relationships, women and men have unique perspectives. From first date etiquette to when to sleep with their partner, the outlooks are diverse.

However, when a man pulls away from the woman he’s seeing it’s usually for a specific reason.

Here are three HUGE mistakes you may be making that push men away.

You’re clingy

If there’s one thing that’ll send any man running it’s a clingy woman. Sure, it’s nice to be affectionate and show him that he’s on your mind, but when you make him your be and end all, he’ll start to feel smothered.

When this happens he’ll try to regain his independence by pulling away.

What’s worse is when you make it known that you’re falling for him, too quickly. Since men are looking for fun in the beginning of a relationship, letting him know that you’re already planning your future together will scare him away.

Instead of showing your emotions too soon, it’s crucial that you remain calm, cool and collected.

Remember, if a man senses that a woman wants more from him and the relationship than he’s prepared to give, he will pull away.

You’re insecure

Studies have shown that 97% of women are unhappy with their bodies at least once a day.

However, when it comes to relationships showing your insecurities is never a good idea.

Sure, it’s nice to be comfortable enough to talk about your gym routine or the healthy eating kick you’re on with your man, but if you’re asking him “Do these jeans make me look fat” or nagging anytime an attractive woman talks to him, then you’re digging your own relationship grave.

The problem is that once your insecurities start to show there’s no going back. Instead of pushing him away with your self-doubts show him your happy-go-lucky side and he’ll be hooked.

A good tip to follow is to pretend that every date with your man is a first because there’s no way you’d let him see this side of you then.

You’re unhappy without him

Just because you’re happy when you’re with him it doesn’t mean that he isn’t catching on to your negativity when he’s not in the room. In fact, if he knows that he’s your sole source of happiness then it’s likely to push him away.

The problem here is this type of situation makes him feel pressured to keep you content, and that’s a huge responsibility for anyone!

Instead of relying on him to keep you smiling, make the most of your life. Do the things that you love. When you do, you’ll not only be making yourself happier, but it’ll improve the overall quality of your relationship too.

For a deeper insight on what pushes men away take a moment and watch this free video presentation by relationship expert, Amy North.

Source: https://hackspirit.com/3-huge-mistakes-women-make-that-push-men-away/

In self development May 31, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Toddy Rosiji: 10 Signs He Loves You But Scared To Fall For You

Is your man giving you mixed signals? You think he might love you, but for some reason, he appears hesitant about it? When it comes to dealing with men and their complicated behavior, it can be tough to understand what they’re truly thinking.

After all, sometimes a man is cold BECAUSE they love you, and other times they’re cold BECAUSE they just don’t like you.

However, when you research and understand male psychology, it’s not as complicated as you might think.

So in this article, I thought we’d go over tried and true ways to figure out exactly how he is truly feeling.

We’ll also go over the reasons why he might be scared about falling in love with you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

He can’t help but stare at you

This is an obvious sign that he loves you. Guys will generally do it naturally.

Whether you’re doing something boring like working on your laptop, or you’re taking out the washing to dry, he can’t help but look at you doing it.All you have to do is glance over his way every now and then and see if you catch him looking.If he is looking, you can bet your bottom dollar that he loves you.

Also, focus on how he looks at you when you’re having a conversation with him. You’ll see the kind of puppy love eyes with a cute smile that naturally occurs when you start talking.

Once you see your man doing this, it’s a clear sign he is genuinely in love.

Now if he is scared about his feelings, he might quickly look away when he catches you looking. He doesn’t want you to know that he can’t help but look at you.

But if he maintains eye contact with you, then he definitely isn’t scared about his feelings and he is letting you know directly he likes you.

He’s ignoring you

Surely if he is ignoring you he doesn’t love you, right?Wrong!

Sometimes a guy ignores you because he loves you, particularly if he is scared about it.

Sound confusing?

Well, some guys will go out of their way to do anything but appear desperate.They don’t want to show that they love you because then that will give everything away.

It’s also a way to protect their ego.If they think that you might not be interested in them, then they’ll pull back on expressing their emotions.And the best way to do this is to ignore you.

But don’t worry, once you start showing that you’re interested, too, then he’ll come around and start expressing himself better. He won’t be scared that he is falling in love with you because he knows that you’re falling for him.

3.He remembers every little detail of what you say

We’ve all heard before men aren’t the best listeners. And to be honest, for the most part, that is probably true.But if your man loves you, he’ll listen to everything you say. He hangs on it! If you mention that you’re attending your sister’s friend’s birthday party, he’ll be the first to ask how it was the next day.

If he mentions that your allergic to peanuts, then any restaurant that he chooses for you to go to, he’ll make sure peanuts aren’t on the menu. When he’s listening unconditionally to what you’re saying, you know it’s true love.

He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.

4.He struggles to express his feelings with you

This is a clear sign that he’s scared of falling in love with you, but might be scared about those feelings. He knows he cares for you deeply, and it’s starting to worry him.

Why would it worry him? A common reason for a man is that the strong emotions he is feeling are something he can’t control.

Men like to be in control, and his feelings for you are becoming so strong that he doesn’t know how to handle it.

He won’t be able to talk about his emotions because he fears he’ll lose control.

The best he can do is avoid talking about it.

Also, it’s important to realize that men, in general, are scared of talking about their feelings.

Many men have grown up believing that they need to not let emotions affect them, so they do their best to ignore them.

So, how can you get him to open up?

The most important quality you need to show is that you’re trustworthy. Tell him you’re there for him. Open up to him so he feels comfortable opening up to you.

Sometimes, you can’t force him to talk about his emotions. You need to let him know that you’re there for him and then be patient.

5. His friends know how much he cares about you

This is a clear sign that he loves you if his friends know a huge deal about you. Perhaps they know what your job is, how you two met, and what sport you love to play. How could this be the case when he is scared to admit that he loves you?

Simple.

Guys find it much easier to communicate with their guy friends, and they’ll naturally share the details of someone they’re keen on.

It shows that he can’t get you off his mind.

What’s more, he’ll also invite you out with his friends so he can show you off.

When a guy falls in love, he becomes naturally protective of his love interest. This is basic male psychology.

When you’ve had an argument with a friend, he’ll naturally take your side.

When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.

He can’t help it.

Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves for various reasons, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.

He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.

7.He is acting nervous around you

This goes back to the point before about ignoring you. The reason he is feeling nervous has to do with his emotions. He is feeling something strongly and is starting to realize that he loves you.

But because of this, he’ll want to impress you at all costs.

What does this do?

It puts pressure on him to perform! He wants to make you interested in him, which will make him nervous.He doesn’t want to lose you, and he doesn’t want you to not like him.

So how can you tell if he is nervous?

Nervous people tend to be more fidgety. He also might have trouble speaking clearly around you, which will cause him to speak less.Another sign that someone is nervous is if their acting hyper or weird.

So if your man is acting a little hyper and telling weird jokes, keep in mind that he is just nervous because he likes you.

Once he starts feeling more comfortable, he’ll come around and start acting normal again.

Remember that if he loves you but is scared to admit that he loves you, this will only add to his nerves when he’s around you.

He’ll realize that he hasn’t exactly got total control over his emotions and that will make him scared, anxious, and fearful.

This will lead to even more nervous behavior that we spoke about above.

8.He constantly seeks out your advice

If he is asking for your opinion on important decisions that he needs to make, it’s obvious that he trusts your guidance and might be already in love with you.

It shows that he truly cares what you think. He thinks you’re intelligent and that you actually care about giving him good advice.

This is especially the case if he is revealing details about his life when he seeks your guidance. This is a great clue that he trusts you and desperately wants to bare his soul to you.

And if he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.

9.He wants to be around you all the time

When a guy loves you, they can’t help but try to get as close as they can to their love interest. If you’re out to dinner with a group of people, he’ll somehow find a way to sit next to you. If you’re at a party, then he manages to position himself near you for the majority of the time. The funny thing is, he doesn’t really mean to. It just happens subconsciously because he loves being around you.

10.He can’t stop complimenting you

He looks at you and says you’re beautiful. He comments on how kind and caring you are. He tells you how much he appreciates the meals you cook or the job you’ve committed yourself to.

He goes out of his way to let you know that you’re awesome. And it’s obvious you’re having a bad day, he’ll do his best to lift you up by complimenting you.

It’s not because he is trying to suck up to you, it’s just that he finds it hard to say that he loves you, and instead says it in other ways.

11.He displays little signs of affection.

Don’t get twisted. The little things DO count.

Little gestures of love show that he is in love with you. He cares for you and he is thinking of you.

Those little things can be as simple as holding hands or buying you a small gift to lift your spirit ups.

It’s also a key sign if he is doing it not to impress you, but just to make you feel better.

It shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling. After all, it’s difficult to constantly pre-meditate little signs of affection.

And we all can say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count

12.He keeps supporting you

No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re cooking dinner for the two of you, or you’re pursuing your dreams in your career, he is always supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.

He wants the best for you. He wants you to realize your potential and he wants you to be fulfilled.He can’t help but encourage you to follow your dreams because your happiness is paramount to his happiness.

And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. That’s just how it is.

Reasons why he might be scared to fall for you

It’s all well and good to work out that he loves you and is scared about it, but the deeper issue is why the hell is he scared about it?

There could be several reasons he is scared about falling for you, some of which are more innocent than others.

So if the signs are pointing that he is scared to be falling for you, here are the most common reasons why:

1.He has just got out of a long-term relationship

He’s had a long-term relationship, and he’s been going through a tough break-up. This is extremely common.

He’s told himself he doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a while, and then you come along which starts giving him the feels.Love physically hurts because our bodies release hormones and endorphins to protect us and ready us to move as quickly as possible away from the perceived threat.But that threat lingers in our mind for days, weeks, months and even years in some cases after a bad break up. That’s why he is scared about falling for you. He doesn’t want to get hurt again.

2.He’s been hurt in the past

When you’ve been hurt in the past because a previous partner has cheated on you, or abused you, it can make you very skeptical of getting in a relationship with someone else.This is why his guard might be up, and he is naturally afraid of getting close to anyone again. But don’t worry. All this means is that you have to build trust with him. The more he trusts you, the more he’ll open up and eventually let his guard down. Remember that dating a person that’s been hurt in the past is all about making them feel safe and secure in the relationship.

When he understands that he can trust you, it will alleviate his worries about falling for someone that could potentially hurt him.

3.He doesn’t think you like him back

Can you come across as a bit of an ice queen? You know the old resting bitch face even when you don’t intend to? When it appears like you’re not interested, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s going to be scared about falling for you. This is can even happen in relationships, where a partner fears that they are falling much harder for their lover than their partner.

Nobody wants to be the one with stronger feelings. It can lead to neediness, desperation, and getting hurt. The good news is that there is an easy way to overcome this. All you have to do is show him that you are interested, and he’ll realize that the feelings are reciprocated. There are different ways to show him that you like him, whether it’s buying him gifts or showing him affectiob when he least expects it.

Once he knows that you like or love him, he’ll be more willing to show his feelings, too.

Source:https://hackspirit.com/signs-he-loves-you-but-is-scared/

In self development May 31, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

5 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Believe In Yourself Again

Self-love requires understanding and engaging with yourself at the most intimate level, and opening up to yourself in a way that might be uncomfortable and unfamiliar for most of us.

Here are our 5 tips to help you live with self-love:

1) Live with Intent:

Live mindfully, truthfully, and intentionally. Do not lose yourself in your moments, and if you do, find out why you lost yourself and what you can do to stay present.

Your life is limited – time is your most important currency – and the more you show yourself that you value your time, the more you prove to yourself that you love your life.

2) Live with Care:

Treat yourself well; physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Listen to your body and your mind at the most basic level – if something doesn’t make you feel good, then it is probably bad for you. Protect yourself, from the dangers of both greasy food and toxic friends.

Your mind is your window into the world; keep it clean, keep it strong, and your world will stay equally positive.

Practice a proper diet, exercise regularly, sleep enough hours, and engage in healthy social behavior that secures your personal growth.

And make sure to live with boundaries. Don’t limit yourself, but don’t confuse self-love with hedonism. Moderation is good for the soul.

3) Live with Forgiveness:

You will make mistakes. You’ve most certainly already made a ton, filling you with various bouts of guilt and regret trapped in the back of your head.

You are human, after all, and that’s what makes life worth living: the unexpectedness of your own humanity

But learn to forgive, yourself and those around you. Every day you wake up is an opportunity to grow away from the person you were the day before.

If that person made a mistake, then try to understand and forgive, as you can work towards being a different person tomorrow.

4) Live with Need:

Your mind is your greatest asset, so trust it. When presented with a situation to overindulge, ask yourself: do I need this or do I want it? In most cases, what you think you need is simply a case of you wanting it.

And while it is more than fine to pleasure yourself with your own desires every now and then, it is important to remember not to fall into self-made destructive habits based on desire and want.

Live according to what your mind, body, and soul need.

Turn away from the pleasures of laziness, of automatic happiness, of destructive behavior, because these are short-term, and they care nothing for the person you could be.

You are the only person who must live with yourself for your entire life, so make your happiness last longer than a day.

5) Live with Yourself:

And finally, it is crucial to learn to live with yourself as if you were someone else.

When faced with the task of self-loving, we think too much in the abstract; we think of it as a mental challenge, a psychological question rather than a task we can actively work towards achieving.

But loving yourself is as simple as loving anyone else, so ask yourself: how would you love yourself, if you were someone else?

Treat yourself with the same respect, kindness, and mindfulness that you would offer the people who matter most to you in your life.

Love yourself with the same patience and tenderness you would give your own child, partner, sibling, or parent.

Be kind but be stern; learn to discipline, but learn to forgive. You are your own greatest fan, your own greatest rival, and your own greatest love.

Learn to see yourself in ways you have never considered.

Self-love seems so easy in movies and shows. Just let go of the thoughts, problems, and people causing stress in your life, exchange them with sources of joy and happiness, and voila: you are a self-loving king or queen.

But true, transformative, authentic self-love isn’t so easy. While you might feel great for some time, there will be many moments when you want to give up, where you might convince yourself that your attempts at self-love are meaningless and childish and stupid, that the world is hard and cruel and you should just learn to live with it.

But don’t stop. Keep going. Self-love isn’t about happiness. It’s about improving your life as much as you currently can, and accepting it.

women of rubies