Two days ago Girl child advocate Olamide Alli was gruesomely murdered by the father of her kids, he plucked out her eyes, took out her braids with pliers and stabbed her 11 times, then killed himself afterwards.
The relationship which was started when she was 17 years old was described as toxic and controlling by many who knew the couple when they were alive.
Many women have been programmed to endure abusive relationships, an age long tradition of keeping face and suffering and smiling that make many women redundant or send them to their early grave.
However, Domestic Violence is a two way traffic, as men also suffer violence in relationships, but ego and societal perception of being seen as weak make them endure.
Three years ago there was a popular case of a lawyer who stabbed her husband thrice in the back and several times on his private part. Some tagged it a crime of passion while some women came to her defense , but I won’t support such irresponsible act, just because the culprit has the “W” tag. No justification for violence of any kind!!!!
Man or Woman no one deserves to die in such a way.
We nee to continue advocating for the rule of “Walking Away”, and stop telling people to manage abusive relationships, you are saving them from being killed or stopping them from killing out of psychological torture.
Abusive relationships are unfortunately very common. They come in forms of physical abuse and emotional abuse, in which both are equally as devastating.
Most are just pushed under the rug, in hopes their partners will change, out of fear of their partner, thinking it is just a momentary reaction or thinking it is completely normal. Abusive relationships are definitely unhealthy, and should not be continued. An abusive partner normally will never change, no matter how much they claim they are going to.
Here are signs you are in an abusive relationship and why you need to walk away ;
- Being treated as a property or sexual object
2.Others see the abuser as a very nice person and the abuser acts very pleasant and loving between acts of violence
- Denying the seriousness of the violence and /or blaming it on circumstances like stress, anger, partners behaviour, drugs, alcohol or other reasons
4. Constant jealousy , calls and/or surprise visits.
5. Controlling and/or treating you like a child such as interrogating intensely, tracking location, having to ask permission to go places or try new things, keeping all the money, and asking for receipts and proof of what you’ve been up to
6. Unrealistic expectations of perfect behavior and treatment
7. Isolation from family, friends, cars, phones, jobs, and/or the public
8. Name calling, degrading, and/or humiliating
- Manipulating your emotions and making you feel like you’re the problem
10. Easily insulted, angered, or saddened
11. Feeling fear, nervous, unsafe, trapped, or hopeless
12. Forceful sex
13. Blaming others for mistakes
- Arguing constantly and quickly.
Feel free to add other signs you know, remember nothing is worth losing your life/or going to jail for.
Walking away cost you nothing , just tell your legs to receive common sense before your hands get you in trouble.
“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children.
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