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Have you ever wondered what highly successfulwomen do on Monday mornings? Success is not created by luck, but by working hard toward reaching a specific goal. Monday morning routines set the mood for the rest of the day and the rest of the week. Here’s a list of Monday morning habits that highly successful people develop.

  1. They Wake Up Early – Set Your Alarm For 5am

They wake up early to make sure that they have plenty of time to complete all of their tasks. Waking up early also ensures that they are not late for any of their scheduled events and they have plenty of time to take care of their personal chores prior to jumping into their work load.

In an interview with Oprah, Michelle Obama shared that she wakes up early to take care of herself before her day starts. “Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up and go to work, I’d get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I’d get up and do that. But when it comes to yourself, then suddenly, ‘Oh, I can’t get up at 4:30.’ So I had to change that.”

We are only allotted so much time in each day; sleeping the day away diminishes the chances of success.

  1. They Meditate – Start With Just 5 Minutes

Monday morning meditation or prayer are great tools to envision success. It’s important to quiet the mind and let the positive energy in as soon as you wake up. If you start with meditating for 5 minutes and over time increase it to half an hour per session.

Such practices can also answer unanswered questions and lead the way to success.

Oprah meditates two times per day for 20 minutes, and she states, “I walked away feeling fuller than when I’d come in. Full of hope, a sense of contentment, and deep joy. Knowing for sure that even in the daily craziness that bombards us from every direction, there is — still — the constancy of stillness. Only from that space can you create your best work and your best life.” (HuffingtonPost)

  1. They Get Motivated – Personal Development Is Key

Highly successful people get motivated first thing on Monday morning. They read personal development books, watch inspirational videos, listen to motivational speakers. Even 15 minutes of inspirational content on Monday morning can set up your day and your week for success

Some of the books you may want to check out:

  1. They Get Active – No You Don’t Need A Gym Membership

Highly Successful people know that getting the body active is imperative on Monday mornings and throughout the week. Exercise helps the body wake up and oxygenate; by doing so, all of the cells become active and ready for the day.

  1. They Only Tend To Urgent E-mails

Most email accounts are bursting with emails on Monday mornings. Highly successful people have a way to tend just to urgent emails in the morning.

Going through a long list of random emails can waste a lot of time first thing in the morning. Tumblr’s David Karp shares, “I used to suck at e-mail. I’d let e-mails pile up, get overwhelmed, and miss important messages; or forget to reply. So I set up filters on my e-mail, and that’s been working pretty well. Now, my inbox gets e-mails only from people in my company and from my girlfriend.” (Inc.com)

You can set up filters in your email account just like David Karp did. Alternatively, you can get an email app for your smart phone. Apps like Boxer, Dispatch, and Hop can help you to quickly go through your email box to separate urgent and non-urgent emails.

 

 

 

When life breaks  you that it seems impossible to ever be healed. However, you were made to overcome and conquer. Here are eight  ways you can find hope when your world gets dark.

  1. Find hope in letting go

Sometimes you need to realize the thing making you feel hopeless really is hopeless. Much of the circumstances of this world are out of your control. When this is the case, the most helpful thing to do is to realize that you can’t change the situation and teach yourself to accept it and let go.

2. Find hope in charity

This one is my best therapy. Serving others works in two ways to help you redevelop hope. First, it gets you outside of yourself and your hopeless feelings by focusing you entirely on someone else and their needs. Second, serving helps you see the world from the perspective of someone less fortunate than yourself, elevating your perspective on your issues.

3. Find hope in prayer

Connecting with a power greater than yourself is key to redeveloping faith. You can find so much peace from the assurance that there is someone greater than you.

4. Find hope in gratitude

Reflecting on all the amazing things in your life makes all the difference when attempting to rediscover hope. When you are desperately hopeless, this can be an enormous challenge. However, with effort, you can discover meaningful and valuable pieces of your life. Make a habit of taking inventory of all your blessings and use it as a way to redevelop hope.

5. Find hope in people

Sometimes you need to lean on other people and that’s fine. Let your friends and family know that you’re struggling and look to them for that light in your life. You will feel better.

6. Find hope in stories

Engaging with uplifting stories does everything to build your hope. Seeing examples of people who were able to make their way out of hard times is an inspiring and powerful tool to redeveloping hope.This is my niche and one of the reasons the women of rubies platform came into existence.

7. Find hope in fun

Sometimes you need to separate yourself from everything that’s bringing you down. Reinvent your life by doing things that make you happy.

8.  Find hope in change

Sometimes the smallest change can make the biggest difference in restoring hope. Make a new friend, take a different route to work or try a new diet. Small changes, even though they may not be related to the source of your hopelessness, make all the difference when rediscovering hope.

 

About Esther

Esther is the  Editor-in-chief of women of rubies, a social  activist, PR expert, Writer, Author and columnist with the Guardian Newspaper.

Twitter & IG : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

 

 

 

 

The Social activist, and convener of several development projects took to her social media page  few days ago to announce her new initiative “Get Talking with Esther”. The multi-award winning author and columnist said the show is aimed at helping people find their voice and communicate their thoughts through words, and promote positivity on social media.
Esther started her career over 10 years ago as a social activist, and she has since taken her gift to other areas, doing humanitarian work and giving hope to the helpless and downtrodden in the society. Her Initiatives include; Walk against rape, Women of Rubies, Men who Inspire and Rubygirls, all under the umbrella of Rubies Ink Initiative.
According to Esther; “ I am very expressive, I love to write and read from people, I love to celebrate people and give them hope, I love when I can feel people’s thoughts through words, and “Get talking with Esther” is just about that.  A #Tweetchat session that will give you the ambience of a show.
Basically, using my platform, years of experience, and skillset for social good to give everyone a voice. We are going to be fixing broken tables, Bringing “Under the table” conversations to the front burner for positivity. Sharing life experiences, healing and learning.
The show kicks off on August 8th, with family therapist and life coach; Praise Fowowe as the first guest.
Those who follow the chats have the opportunity of winning free gifts, food, and cash prizes weekly. #GetTalkingwithEsther is supported by Greenbliss Apartments and Abimbola Oki’s Dpotters Catering services.
To get more scoop on the initiative, kindly follow @estherijewere and Tweet using #GettalkingwithEsther
Click this link to follow and be part of the show  https://twitter.com/EstherIjewere?s=09

We can all feel stuck at times in our emotions. They can be so strong that they literally dominate our thoughts and it can be hard to focus on anything else. God gives us a way to deal with tough emotions and that it through prayer. Let’s  look at 5 emotions we can all face and how you can turn your heart to God.

When you’re feeling worried….

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Write down everything you are worried about. Write down everything you feel grateful for.  Pray about each worry. Thank God for everything you feel grateful for.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7

God’s promise is that by turning to prayer, he can take our worries away and actually give us peace!

When you’re feeling afraid…

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. God wants us to tell him all our fears and share all our feelings with him.

PSALM 34:4

God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears. [5] Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him.

When your heart is sad and angry

What relationships in your life cause you pain and sadness? Who do you feel bitter towards? Pray about the hurt, sadness, and pain you feel that is making you angry.

When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Do not give the devil a way to defeat you. Share the anger with God and ask him to help you let go of it.

Pray about how the anger hurts relationships and allows Satan to defeat you and divide relationships.

PSALM 73:21

God can help us  deal with our pain and sadness. He can help us overcome bitterness when that is our response to the pain.

When you’re feeling jealous…

Anger is cruel and destroys like a flood, but no one can put up with jealousy! Who do you have jealousy towards? Admit jealousy to God in prayer and how it hurts, divides, and distances your  relationships. Peace of mind means a healthy body, but jealousy will rot your bones.

PROVERBS 14:30

Pray about how jealousy harms you, how it makes you unhappy or depressed because you always feel like other people have it better than you.

When you’re feeling disappointed…

It is sad not to get what you hoped for. But wishes that come true are like eating fruit from the tree of life. What disappointments have you experienced in your life? Take time to share those things with God.

PROVERBS 13:12

Disappointment affects our hearts more than we realize.

Challenge:

Decide everyday to take time to journal out your feelings to God (each of ones listed above). Take time to pray through those feelings everyday along with scriptures that help you understand God’s perspective on those emotions.

Photocredit ; http://thehoustonblackpages.com/

By: Esther Ijewere

Email: Esther@womenofrubies.com

Twitter & Instagram : @estherijewere

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

***Esther Is a Social Activist, Writer, Author Columnist and the Editor in Chief of Women of Rubies.

Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” If that’s true, you’d better believe that you’re going to catch any noxious qualities your top 5 are suffering from. Keep in mind: these kinds of infections aren’t only spread through physical contact. You can catch them through social media or even television. In other words, the 5 people you spend the most time with could be people you haven’t met, people whose Instagram profiles you constantly peruse or even fictional characters on a television show you watch daily.

At any rate, if any of your top 5 people are on this list, quarantine yourself from them post-haste before you catch their bad qualities.

The pessimist

You find the day looks a little grayer after hanging out with this fellow. She has a habit of seeing the mud instead of the sun, and she tends to leave glasses half empty all over your house. Her negativity is catching, so make sure to expel this friend from your life.

Symptoms of spending time with the pessimist are: loss of sunny attitude, prevalent dissatisfaction with daily activities, whiny voice and chronic complaining.

The envier

She can’t help but want what you have. This is the girl  who starts telling you how great single life is as soon as you have a boyfriend or plays down the fact that you rocked it at work. Good friends are happy about your successes, but the envier is not a good friend.

Symptoms of having this character in your life: unusual dissatisfaction with and unwarranted guilt for things you were previously grateful for.

The gossiper

I’m not going to say there’s no satisfaction from gossiping, but at the end of the day, do you want to be a person who talks about others behind their backs? This friend makes all that dishing so easy-it’s practically inescapable. He thinks he’s making others look bad, but when all is said and done, the gossiper is the one who’s looking pretty awful.

Symptoms of chilling with your gossiper homie: increased unfair judgment, damaged friendships and loss of trust.

The victim

“Woe is me!” is the mantra of this friend. She doesn’t appreciate your advice because there’s obviously nothing she can do to fix the situation. I mean, it’s not like any of her life’s tragedies are her fault.

Symptoms of having a victim in your life: recurring pointed finger, loss of problem-solving skills and reduced motivation.

The backstabber

Let’s be real-Caesar didn’t seem too surprised when Brutus approached him with a knife. You know which friends you can trust and which you can’t. Don’t give someone trust they don’t deserve. The backstabber wants the upper hand, and staying friends with this character is just giving him the opportunity to take it.

Symptoms of developing a relationship with a backstabber: damaged reputation, diminished self-esteem and increased desire to grab knives.

Even though these people are infecting you, take care when removing them from your life. After all, your goodness may have a healing effect on them. This doesn’t mean you should be in the business of fixing anyone. It just means you should do your best to avoid causing further damage when you might have the power to soothe their ails.

On the other hand, you can always avoid making these toxic people the top 5 who occupy your life. Limit their presence on your news feed. Dilute their influence by hanging out with them in groups. And if this toxic person is someone you don’t even know, remove him or her completely.

 The buzzwords going around this first month of the year are Goals and Goal-Setting! Throughout the media, Internet and even in the Board Rooms, Goal setting is BIG. It’s everywhere and everyone is talking about how important it is to set your goals.

Before now goal setting was considered a masculine activity. Women relish in their ability to multi-task and get loads of things done at the same time and quickly too, so they shy away from setting clear, specific and meaningful goals. Many female entrepreneurs still have not realised the power of setting effective business goals.

To be a female entrepreneur without business goals is like getting in the car and driving around town without a clear direction of where you are going!

It is impossible to really know if your daily activities and strategies are moving you in the right direction if you do not set business goals.

Can you imagine getting in the car to go shopping without knowing what market or shop you want to go to or where they are located? That is precisely what you do when you begin your business year without a goal in mind.

Not only should you set goals for your business, you should also map out strategies on how you will achieve each goal and set deadlines. Goals should be written down and reviewed over time to ensure you are hitting your targets. Here are a few tips to help you set achievable goals in 2017.

Identify What You Want

The first real step to an effective goal setting is knowing what you want in life. As simple as that may sound if you ask many people what they want and where they would realistically want to be in a year, two years or five years, they do not have a clue. Speak to employers of labour, I’m sure they can relate!

So sit down and work out what you truly want in life, business, family, career and even leisure. There is an excellent tool you can use as guide called ‘The Wheel of Life’.

Make Your Goals Holistic

Set goals in every area of your life – Social, Family, Business, Relationships, Leisure, Spiritual and Financial Goals.

Write Your Goals Down

Write down your goals as often as you can. Our brain cannot keep a tab on all our thoughts so, Write Them Down! Remember, The faintest ink is more powerful than the strongest memory!

Keep It Simple

Do not overwhelm yourself with too many goals. You cannot change everything in a day. And everything you want in life cannot be achieved in one single year. So keep it real, keep it simple!! Take consistent action and over time, you will get to where you want to be

One Step At A Time

Don’t get overwhelmed with goals that seem too far-fetched and unrealistic. They should be realistic and achievable. For example if you are a jewelry maker and you currently make 10 jewelry sets a week. Would it make sense to increase to 100 a week from 10? A more realistic goal would be 15-20 a week and when you achieve that you can increase again to 25 -30. In other words, set incremental goals and build the momentum. This way your Goals Will Be Achievable Or Doable.

Record Your Milestones

Track your progress and list your accomplishments as you go along. This is important because when you hit setbacks and get frustrated, your achievement so far will help you stay encouraged and focused.

Reward Yourself

Whenever you have achieved a set goal, reward yourself. This helps you to stay motivated.Clearly, from these few tips, goal setting is definitely not as complex and scary as it sometimes appears. Setting goals is only designed to help stretch you and make you grow.

Nonetheless after following these steps, if you don’t take action to execute all you have put down, your goals will be nothing but dreams or a mere wish and that doesn’t take you anywhere but leaves you worse than the person who didn’t write at all! So, take charge of your goals and focus on achieving great results. You can do it!

Many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before commitment and marriage, so they end up becoming strangers to each other and later find themselves at the centre of a hot-headed dispute with regrets and consequences. However, this can be avoided, if the following questions are asked:

What do we truly want in a relationship?

Not what someone else (family, friends or society) thinks it should be but what you both want in a relationship. You will be living together 24-hours per day and 7 days per week for the rest of your lives and blending your life with another is very crucial.  Is it only love, fun, affection, sexual satisfaction, shared responsibilities, open mindedness, support for each other’s goals?

What are you unwilling to accept and tolerate?

This is an important question with an endless list that includes: abuse, addiction, control, emotional manipulation, co-dependent tendencies, financial irresponsibility, self-centeredness, lying, infidelity, laziness, etc. The erroneous belief that love is enough to sustain and tolerate these isn’t always the case afterwards. Talking about this before commitment will help to prevent conflict eventually.

How will we handle money?

This is a major cause of conflict among couples. Will you both operate joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? This is an issue that often leads to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way. Discuss many specifics about money before commitment in order to avoid a potential split and daily arguments.

How many children do we prefer to have?

It is unsafe to assume that your partner feels the same way as you do regarding having children without both of you discussing it. Questions regarding sex of the children, number of children, addressing fertility issues in case it arises, adoption, infertility treatments are important. Ensure you both have similar perspective on this crucial topic before commitment in order to prevent separation later in life.

How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in our lives?

It is crucial to draw clear boundaries of your parents’ or extended family’s interference into your lives. Ensure there is clarity on what you will both accept and what you will not accept. However, consider that here in Nigeria, when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

Would we share domestic duties?

Although, women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, but many women prefer house chores are to be shared between a couple.  Endeavour to ask this important question, if you are to have a fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking, washing the dirty clothes, bathing the children, etc. These lifestyle factors can determine how frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out before commitment!

Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Are you both completely satisfied with your sex drive?  Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting? Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate eventually. Often times, several couples do have a relationship or sexual issue at some point.  However, proper communication will help to prevent this problem from escalating and adequately help a couple to resolve it. Sexual in-satisfaction usually leads to masturbation, infidelity, and eventually divorce if not managed properly.

So, before commitment, you should ask each other these salient questions above and endeavour to have clear answers, convictions in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage.

 

Source: Guardian.ng

Oluremi TejumoJesu, also known as TenaciousTejumoJesu is a child of God and a Mindset Fixer, she helps individuals move their minds from average and mediocre to positive and excellent.

She has a coaching academy, Discovery Point With TenaciousTejumoJesu Academy,and this offers Coaching classes on Self Esteem,Purpose Discovery, Relationship with God and fellow humans.

She is the author of the book “You Are Enough.” She is also the Lead Volunteer of Blissful Vines Network.

She is also the CEO of Emerald Empire (a catering and event planning hub).

TenaciousTejumoJesu loves meeting people, cooking, reading, inspiring the world around her and leveraging on experiences.

She shares her Ruby Girl story with Aduragbemi Akintepede

1. Let’s meet you. Who is Tejumojesu?

TejumoJesu is a child of God who loves going about His Business. She is the second child in her family and she believes in ORIGINALITY and REBRANDING oneself as an individual.

2. What is Mindset Revamp?

Mindset Revamp is one of the programs from Discovery Point With TenaciousTejumoJesu Academy, and it aims to help individuals reset their mindset and also break some mindset myths that has been naturally built over a long period of time.

3. When did you realize your gift of revamping minds?

I realized this gift last year, precisely in the month of December.

4. You published a book titled “You Are Enough” what is the story behind it?

The story behind it is that of a young girl who suffered from low self esteem which affected her sense of identity. And she was able to overcome when she realized that she is enough just the way she is.
And that young girl is ME, TenaciousTejumoJesu

5. What does your book entail?

It is a true life story of how I struggled with low self esteem and what I did to overcome that defect.
I was very vulnerable with my readers as I gave personal examples from experiences.

6. What has the Covid-19 pandemic taught you?

It has taught me to go all out to add more knowledge to myself, it has also taught me COMPLETE TRUST IN GOD.

7. As a caterer and event planner how has the pandemic affected your business?

This pandemic didn’t affect my business, as I quickly switched to digitalization as soon as I noticed that the whole world virtually went online.
And it has since then been useful.

8. How do you relax or unwind from your busy schedule?

I take out time to REST, see a movie and spend time with my family.

9. As a Mindset coach what are the major challenges young people face in Nigeria and what is the way out?

All the challenge starts from the mind, and the only way out is to be concious and intentional about your thought pattern.

10. How do you juggle coaching, event planning and other activities you’re involved in?

I try to balance everything. And when I see that everything is overwhelming, I switch into “observation mode.”

11. *Mention 3 women who inspire you and why?

My mum
Chichi Ogbonnaya
Tolulope AkinbinuThey have been able to successfully groom me, and show me that as a woman, you can attain the greatest height and still be balanced!

12. *Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

Married with two children.
Winner of the Forbes under 30 successful women.
Established in my coaching career and own a restaurant.

13. *If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

You can be whatever you put your mind to, you can be successful and no one can stop you from being the total and complete woman except you.

  1. 1. Drinking Water


It varies from person to person or conditions but approximately you should drink a gallon of water every day . Maximum activities of human body are dependent on water for their proper functions. There is no one right answer to how much water you need, as it depends on each person and their lifestyle—you may need to modify your fluid intake depending on how active you are, where you live, your health, and if you are pregnant and/or breastfeeding.
Lack of appropriate quantity of water may cause a lot of disorders, so it is recommended to take a proper quantity of water daily.
2. Proper Exercises

Woman Running in City

For a hygienic body daily or interval base exercises are necessary which keep body fit. In exercise walking is the best exercise for heart fitness, overweight, proper digestion, refreshment of mind and proper functions of internal organs. Exercise boosts your metabolism, burns more fat, and takes less time to complete. Exercises depend on situations of person but generally it is recommended to walk two miles daily or as much as possible for an individual. Other exercises like weight lifting, jumping and swimming etc. make the body function work properly.
3. Use of Balanced Diet


Food is the basic need for the functions of human body. The human body needs a specific quantity of different ingredients for function so, it is recommended to use such a diet which contains all proper ingredients like protein, carbohydrates, vitamins and iron. Fresh vegetables, fruits, meat, pulses and food containing carbohydrates must be used in a proper quantity. These things contain the most quantity of diet which a human body needed.
4. Proper Sleeping
A suitable sleeping is the most important thing for a fit body and its absence may cause a lot of disorder and even severe disease if you are adopting all above tips but you are not taking a proper sleep all your body function may disturb. Sleeping time varies from age to age but for child minimum time is 8 hour for a young person minimum 7 and for aged persons 6 hours sleeping is necessary. For pregnant ladies more time is needed for sleeping as compared to normal ladies. Disturbing sleep may also cause physical disorders. Here some more health and fitness tips and tips to sleep better.
5. Taking Rest


All human body organs needed rest for their normal functions human body is like a machine and if this machine is over worked is may lose its balance. Over work both physical and mental may cause loss of health and much disorder. Continuous work and absence of rest is bad for a healthy body. There is no specific time for taking rest but as much rest as your body feels fresh and comfortable is recommended. It is also recommended for ladies and especially for pregnant ladies to take as much rest as possible because they needed it more than a normal person.
6. Entertaining Activities


For proper work human brain and body need aesthetic activities which make your mind work properly that is control center of whole human body. If you have a sound and proper functional mind you may possess a sound body and human body needs such activities which refresh your mind. For this activity visit of pleasure place , meeting friend, visiting clubs and cinemas is suggested.
7. Participating in Sports


In-door and outdoor games are key for a successful life. Games which demand mental exertion and physical energy are important for good health. Especially for ladies, who are less involved in sports activities as compared to men it is recommended to participate in sport activities. Indoor games like chess snooker and cards may increase your mental capability. Outdoor games cover a vast area depending on your interest and physiques are also necessary.
8. Cleanliness


Cleanliness is the part of most civilization’s moral values as well as part of world religions. It soothes both your body and mind. Water is the most common agent used for cleanliness which has amazing positive effects on human mind and body. Cleanliness saves you from a lot of epidemic diseases and makes body fresh. Cleanliness not in the matter of hygiene but in food saves you a lot of worries.
9. Apt Dressing


In the matter of dressing no specific genre can be suggested but the dressing which makes your body comfortable must be preferred. Sometime very tight dressing may make the body uncomfortable and disturbs health as well as your work.
10. Following a schedule


Thing can only be useful and beneficial if they are performed at their proper time and one’ access may not disturb other or they must be given their required time. Food, exercise, sleeping, rest and sport if performed at their proper time they will be effective and beneficial for body otherwise their irregular practice may be futile. So it is suggested to follow a proper schedule.

Source:www.wonderlist.com

I didn’t know the importance of setting boundaries until life hit me in the most unusual way. It was in that moment I realized I was an “Open book” and “Easy target” for emotional warfare that often times stems from my lack of having personal boundaries  . From finding it hard to say “No”, to being scared of hurting others even when their actions hurt me. I had to take my personal growth as a project, and it all started from putting myself in check.

If the first paragraph  sounds like you then this article is just for you…. Let’s dive in!

How would your life change if you were able to maintain personal boundaries? This includes stopping people from overstepping into your personal space, as well as sticking to the personal boundaries that you set for yourself later.

What Are Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are the limits that you set when it comes to what you expect from a person and how they behave towards you. They indicate what you find acceptable and unacceptable in someone else’s behavior, particularly with someone that you are close to, such as family, friends, or a partner.

Personal boundaries can be restrictive or free depending on your own personality and preferences. Other common domains of personal boundaries include personal space,, time, energy, interaction, communication, religion, and ethics. However, personal boundaries are by no means limited to these things.

Why Are Personal Boundaries Important?

The fundamental reason why people set boundaries is to try and create stronger relationships with themselves and other people. Personal boundaries are an essential part of any thriving relationship and should never be overlooked.

Just like fences and walls in the physical world are used to determine where you can and can’t go, what is yours and what isn’t yours, personal boundaries determine how far others can go before crossing the line.

They stop people from walking all over you. They stop people from manipulating you. They stop people from getting too far into your personal business.

How to Set Personal Boundaries

Just like anything else in life, in order to become an expert at setting and being comfortable with personal boundaries, you have to practice. Luckily, we have 7 amazing ways for you to get started and to start reclaiming your own life.

Are you ready?

1. Identify Your Boundaries

It is impossible to begin setting personal boundaries when you don’t even know what they are or where they lie. This is why the starting point for anyone who feels like they may need more/fewer boundaries is to identify where they currently stand.

Are you getting pushed around too often? Or are you completely resistant to any change?

Do you find yourself arguing with people a lot? Or do you find it difficult to speak up when you know you should?

Everybody has different starting points when it comes to their personal boundaries, and those boundaries will inevitably change with time. The first thing you should do, though, is to find your starting point.

2. Determine Your Values

One of the best ways to identify what your boundaries are and how you want them to change is to determine what your values in life are. If you value creative freedom and thinking time, consider placing a strong boundary around your personal space and your free time.

If you value the small things in life over the big, extravagant things, maybe consider loosening your boundaries a little to let more serendipity in.

If you value yourself or you want to start valuing yourself more highly, start placing firmer boundaries around how people speak to you and treat you.

Whatever your unique personal values are, your personal boundaries that you set are going to be what helps you to maintain them.

3. Start Simple

Rather than completely pushing back on people that are overstepping, turning your back on every single aspect of your old beliefs, or selling all of your stuff to live in a remote forest, there are small steps that you can and should take first.

If you have a friend that always calls you to make plans, and you feel pressured into doing so, politely tell them that you don’t want to this week. What will happen? Not much, probably. This small step will give you the confidence to say no again in future weeks when you don’t feel like going out.

If you feel like you are getting too much input and overwhelming information from your phone, my favorite hack is to delete the troublesome apps for a day. Missing them? Download them again tomorrow. Didn’t miss them as much as you thought? See what another day without them is like[2].

It is just as important to set boundaries with yourself and your own routines as it is to set boundaries with other people. The only way to begin in both respects is to start simple.

4. Listen to Your Feelings

If you aren’t sure about where your personal boundaries should be, it might be a good idea to check in with your feelings and the sensations in your body every now and then[ These will usually give you an excellent indication.

Signs to look out for include an increased heart rate, sweating, tightness in your chest or stomach, and other general feelings of discomfort. Of course, just because you feel these sensations does not mean that you should close yourself up to the world — that won’t help you in any way.

Your feelings are like directions on the side of the road. They will let you know what areas that you should probably investigate a little further.

5. Learn to Say No

Possibly the biggest stumbling block that people who struggle with setting personal boundaries have is that they find it extremely difficult to say no.

This comes in all sorts of packages. You might find it impossible to say no to social gatherings for Fear of Missing Out . You might find yourself doing loads of favors for people who asked you even though they could have probably done those things themselves.

You might even have a friend or spouse who encroaches too far into your personal stuff, but you struggle to tell them no because they are your friend or partner. The problem is with you and not them, right?

Probably not. The reason most people face resistance to saying no is that they are worried about how it will make the other person feel. Maybe it’s time to stop and think about how you are feeling for once.

You are allowed to say no without an explanation . It likely won’t affect the other person nearly as much as you think it will.

6. Practice Self-Awareness

When you are aware of your thoughts and feelings and what they are doing for you (or to you), you can start to work out where specific boundaries need to be set.

For example, if you are an overthinker, and your thoughts begin to race whenever you are in a situation, be aware of this. Set a boundary with yourself that whenever a negative thought pops into your mind, you will let it go. No matter what. It won’t have anything useful to say, so don’t fall for it.

Of course, this can apply to other people, too. However, self-awareness and boundaries with yourself not only go hand-in-hand, but are essential to a life of peace and joy.

7. Seek Support

A common mistake to make when trying to set personal boundaries is that you have to do it alone. You have to plan everything yourself, enforce everything yourself, and work out what is and what isn’t working for yourself. That simply isn’t true.

If you find yourself struggling or simply want an easier ride, talk to your friends, family, or spouse about the boundaries that you will set and explain why. You might think that opening up will create arguments and resistance, but more often than not, people appreciate you letting them know.

Setting boundaries can be extremely difficult though, whether that be setting them with other people or setting them with yourself. Don’t ever have any shame about seeking professional help. If you feel like your life will greatly benefit from help, then it is something that you absolutely should consider getting.

About Esther

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

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