Bukola Lameed,  fondly called “Bookkies” is an incredible blend of passion and skill. Professional Counselor, Certified Cognitive Behavioural Change Therapist and one of Africa’s leading Family Mental Health Coach. The founder of Safety Republic  International whose job is to create solutions for preserving the mental and emotional wellness of every member of a nation (the family), help influence the best behaviour and happiness through Training, Coaching, Therapy and Advocacy.

She is an Author of the book, “In a Child’s Mind” and “A parenting Manual” as she uses her skills to raise the confidence and esteem of children who will feel secured as they transit into adulthood.

She is an Emotional Intelligence Certified Specialist, a seasoned International Speaker, Registered Social worker and licenced Family Life Therapist and Broadcaster using the media to propagate the awareness of mental wellness.

An Alumnus of Coventry University United Kingdom and intentional parent to three lovely children.

The wonderful coach who has helped a lot of Parents, especially moms understand the full scope of parenthood shares her inspiring story and journey with me in this interview.


Childhood Influence

I grew up in the midst of boys, 4 of them.  So I have the premonition of what the society term Masculinity. I am the 5th child the 1st girl in a family of 8.  Growing up for me was very adventurous and exciting, my childhood experiences were a little diffrent from a normal girl child, I was raised to be very indulged, never did house chores, never ran errands, no thanks to my dad (R. I.P).

Inspiration behind Safety Republic

The inspiration came from a place of helplessness and clueless ness to curiosity. If I didn’t know anything I knew I didn’t want to raise my children the way I was raised. I knew there was more to parenting than what I knew then. So I began to search for answers first on how to raise my children well. Moreso I have a deep passion to protect children because I wasn’t protected as a child, I decided to join and learn from several social groups that focuses on children. Then I discovered there’s a lot to learn, unlearn and relearn not only to raise my children but for every precious child. I realised beyond passion skill is required.

Parental Influence on a Child’s Mental Health

As an expert in the field of family mental and emotional health, child protection and safety,  I have discovered that children are the reflection of the adults around them, as a child handler you have to be mentally and emotionally stable before you can raise a mentally and emotionally stable child, who would also transit into becoming a stable adult and the cycle continues.  I realise that whoever we are as a  child is who we become as an adult.  So as parents (primary and secondary caregivers) we must consciously begin to preserve childhood experiences by first ensuring we intentionally  unlearn some unhealthy narratives first about ourselves as adults  and about our parenting roles and responsibilities.

Modern day Parenting & Social Media

Personally I believe that there is nothing like modern day parenting, parenting should still remain the same regardless of the century but the methods in achieving the desired results are what should be updated, just like how a car company would upgrade the features of a car brand, its still the same brand but they keep reviewing the systems and features for it to be relevant to what is obtainable at that period.

Challenges of being a Mental Health Advocate

Doing this work in it’s own is challenging, one of the many challenges we encounter is the ability to make adults unlearn certain cobditioned belief systems and unhealthy behaviours learnt from the environment,  culture and religion that had greatly affected and limited the benefits of living a wholesome lives…

Effect on broken Marriages on Kids

One of the many behavioural challenges children are facing came from the fact that they experienced their parents broken marriages. Adverse childhood experiences is a major factor every family should consider whenever they are making their decisions either to stick together or go their separate ways. Adults must begin to embrace therapy and seek professional counsel for both themselves and their children in order to make their decisions (divorce) easy on their children.

Being a Woman of Rubies

Looking at the meaning of Rubies, is exactly who I have always seen myself to be “a priceless precious jewel, passionate, powerful, pretty, and fierce, once in a life time kind of woman”. I am a Woman of Rubies

Parenting Nuggets

Parenting is an ART, you must learn it… you must first parent yourself before you can parent a child..

A child is a unique product that comes with his own unique user’s manual, that must be read and understood on order to get it working at it’s best!

As a parent you do not have the power to change a child, but you can learn the tools of influence.

Children’s vulnerability is adults responsibility,  children are not vulnerable when adults are responsible enough to parent them well.

Finally, the idea of parenting is not to raise your carbon copy, but to raise a wholesome child who can make his or her  own mistakes and create experiences to become his own unique self.



I remember my life as a young mum, having to take care of my toddlers and still go to work. On this particular day, I was so overwhelmed and exhausted and started to wonder if this was what motherhood was all about. How long was I going to continue like this? I felt so helpless that I broke down in tears.

This wasn’t the plan. I want to take care of my kids and also excel in my work as a mum. I discussed with my husband about how I felt and how he needed to help with school runs and some other things. Lo and behold, he agreed immediately. I then asked him why he didn’t suggest to help out all this while. I mean, must I get to this point before you help? He then said something profound, “You never asked for help.” 


Anyway, this is history. After that, I learned the act of asking for help, not just from my husband, but from anyone around me that could be of help, even if it will cost me money. I am happy to say that since then (over 10 years ago), my life has been less overwhelming.

Life as a mum can be pretty demanding and overwhelming. You are faced with basically the same routine and responsibilities on a daily basis. Having to cook, prepare the kids for school, do their homework, handling home chores and to cap it all, you have to work too.

Many times, we are so overtaken by all these demands and it starts to take a toll on your life. It starts to affect everything from physical appearance to emotions, mental health, and even your relationships.

So, how do you know you’re overwhelmed. Here are a few telltale signs:

  • You feel disorganized. Everything seems out of place at work and at home
  • You are anxious. You worry about everything, even the little things.
  • You don’t get enough sleep or you have difficulty sleeping.
  • Zero focus. You go through each day as it comes, you have nothing to look forward to. No drive or goal to achieve anything.
  • You feel depressed and unhappy.  You’re unexcited about life and even the small wins you achieve means nothing to you.
  • Health challenges start to surface. Frequent headaches, chest pains, high BP or worse, heart attack.

Tips to help you overcome being overwhelmed:

  • Feel free to talk to a friend or someone about how you feel and use any good suggestions given.
  • Learn to break down your tasks in order of priority.
  • Learn to say NO. It is better to turn down a request than take it up and not do it properly.
  • Learn to ask for help from family, friends or siblings so you can focus on other tasks.
  • Tell your spouse how you feel and how you want him to help.
  • Take time out to cool off, watch a comedy, listen to music, take yourself to lunch, watch a movie or just take a nap.

Having done all these, pray! Always rely on God for help, wisdom, and direction.

Benefits of not being overwhelmed:

  • Your mind is open to opportunities.
  • Your mind is free from self-imposed limits, you start to see solutions rather than problems.
  • Your mind is free of negative thoughts and feelings.
  • You have better chances to love and be loved by others.
  • You have increased energy to take action on your tasks/goals.
  • You have more time to spend with your kids and your partner.

As a mum, the less overwhelmed you are, the less stressed you are and the happier everyone is.

About the Author

Temi Olajide is a Certified Child Sleep Consultant and Child Psychologist.Co-founder of Association of Child Sleep Consultants of Nigeria and a member of International Association of Child Sleep Consultants.Founder of Mummyclinicc, an online platform that provides strategies & result driven solutions to the challenges of child rearing and helps mothers to successfully combine the requirements of life and motherhood while responding correctly to the peculiarities of the digital age. Temi is the author of Wi-Fi Kids and Analog Parents, a comprehensive book that equips parents on how to raise well-rounded kids in the digital age. www.mummyclinicc.com,Instagram @mummyclinicc

Source: Bellanaija

Mrs. Biodun Bello is the Administrator of Wholistic Outreach, a pet project of the wife of the General Overseer of the Redeem Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor Folu Adeboye, with the aim of rehabilitating commercial sex workers, destitute, rescuing stranded and homeless girls, among others. In this interview with ENIOLA DANIEL, the coordinator spoke on parenting, how the mission is rescuing the destitute and what government can do to discourage the social vice.

When did you start Wholistic Outreach and what are the things it set out to achieve?
WHOLISTIC Outreach was established in 2002 by our mother-in-Israel, Pastor (Mrs) Folu Adeboye. It’s a home to cater to commercial sex workers, trafficked girls, and stranded teenagers, restoring their lives and giving them hope. To the glory of God, we achieve this through rehabilitation.

We have a team lead by Mrs. Kemi Aaredokun Richard, and we go out on a weekly basis to brothels and other places to rescue the girls. And we go anywhere they give us the opportunity to minister and tell them about the Love of God and if the manager of the place permits us, after then, we hold special outreach where we go with our medical team and food. And once they come out, we have a shelter home, which we call the first point of entry. They spend a minimum of three months and maximum of six months in the shelter home. We have various programmes for them, they fast, they pray and they go for different programmes including deliverance in Hallelujah House; after that, we reconcile them to their families.

After preaching to them and they accept to follow us, we take them to the police station to record them that they are with us because we don’t want to go against the law, and we sign them out when they are going back to their family. Some go back to their families while the families release others back to us.

What category of people do you rehabilitate?
We deal with girls from age 13 to 38; sometimes we have girls below that age. We send some of them back to school.

Can you tell us how many girls have been rehabilitated since inception and is the Outreach only for rehabilitation of trafficked girls and sex workers?

We have rehabilitated hundreds of girls. Wholistic is mainly for commercial sex workers but we have some girls that ran away from home and are staying under the bridges.

What have been the challenges of changing the orientation of these women to embrace a decent lifestyle?
The challenges are two-fold. We don’t just go to hotels and bring them out; they must be willing before we rehabilitate them. We go there and tell them that there is a better place for them, so we leave after telling and sharing with them. They come out on their own free will.

The challenges mostly are that when they come, some of them get tired and want to go back. Some of them would say they have sex urges and feel like sleeping with men whether they want to pay or not, but that’s why we have counselors, people that stay and pray with them. It’s not something you can stop all of a sudden. Most of the girls don’t really want to go into prostitution; you will be surprised to see some of them are the ones taking care of their family needs.

How do these brothel managers react whenever you visit?
The Bible says that you cannot go to a strong man’s house without binding him. We go in the name of Jesus Christ and with the help of the Holy Spirit. Most of the managers do give their lives to Christ. The manager of the last brothel we visited in Shagamu said he doesn’t want to do the job anymore. One of the girls got married in August. We have lawyers and many who have passed through Universities and are doing well among the rescued.

African parents have been accused of not paying the same level of attention they pay on the female child to the male child, why is Wholistic doing the same rather than focusing on both genders?
RCCG has a home for boys and we call it Habitation of Hope, we have another home for the drug addicts. Presently, we have 48 girls in our home and some of them have children, we have a girl who has been with us since junior secondary school and now she is the University.

What do you do after releasing some of these girls to their parents and they return to the streets because their parents cannot cater to them?
If their parents can’t take care of them, they release them back to us. There are some of these girls from wealthy backgrounds, but they turned into prostitutes. Just like the crime rate in the country is on the rise, it’s the economy that makes some of them do what they do. Some of them follow their aunties to the city without knowing what they’re doing in the city. When the parents cannot take care of their children and one big aunty drives to the village in a big car, they allow their children to follow her; some even take them abroad for prostitution.

You mentioned that some of these girls come from a rich background, what could actually have pushed them into prostitution?
It’s unfortunate that some of our parents are wealthy in resources but don’t really have time for their families. Some may be due to peer pressure.

Picking up a girl as young as 13-year-old off the streets shows how bad the situation is, how do you feel seeing these girls?

You will be surprised to see an 11-year-old on the streets. Some of the commercial sex workers have children in the brothels, many of them give birth in the brothel. A little girl was brought here after she was molested, they destroyed her private part, we treated her and now she’s in JSS1.

We call them daughters in our home, so we sit together and talk and mummy G.O also pays them a visit.

Can you tell us how much you spend on each person monthly?
I can’t give that but I know how much we spend monthly. We spend over N2million monthly, aside from that, we go to mummy G.O to get foodstuff. The mission gives us money on a quarterly basis and she gives us money every month to cater for the needs of the girls.

Do you partner with other NGOs?
This is not about RCCG alone; we just came back from training in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. We have other NGOs that even if my home is filled up, I can call other people to accommodate them.

Based on your experience, what would be your advice to parents and society at large?
Parents must find time for their children; everything cannot be solved with money. We have a girl in our home whose grandfather was molesting her and we got involved, the grandma said, “baba was just playing with her,” after he was caught.

Parents must learn to visit their children in school unannounced. And our daughters must not think everything must be achieved now, they must look at the future, they must know that the sky is just a starting point.

Source: Guardian

Raising children in this digital age is different from our days where we were raised with restrictions. In the digital age, there are no restrictions. Everything is out there , whether you like it or not. This makes it challenging for parents to raise their children, if they don’t become deliberate and intentional about it.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a client, and as we continued the conversation, I said “parenting is a business and it must be treated as such”. Immediately, I said this, I looked at her and I could see that it took some self control for her not to roll her eyes at me. In that moment, I realised that there were probably a lot of mums out there who would probably not agree with this statement.

I could understand why this lady thought this way. We know that a business is the act of making, buying or selling products or services in exchange for money; so, classifying parenting as a business sounded absurd to her.

If you take a minute to think about it, you’ll realise that God placed the business of parenting in your hands. He also gave clear instructions when He blessed you with that child which is to train him up the way he should go!

In this digital age, everything you thought you knew about parenting has probably changed. However, our role as parents remain the same . Therefore, you cannot continue to use the ancient method you were brought up with, with your children and expect to get great results.

I have come to realize that when things are practicable, we understand it, because we can visualize it better. So, let’s relate it to real life business. As parents, you will do everything you can to grow in your business or career. You will pay business coaches, take professional courses, write qualifying exams, travel for days or months, if necessary, to progress in your field. However, when it comes to raising your child, you prefer to figure it out, make mistakes and wait for God to sort it out for you.

Can you progress in your business or career, if the knowledge you use is outdated? Imagine using the knowledge of 5,10, 20 years ago to operate in 2019? You would be out of a job if you had a career, or out of business if you were an entrepreneur as your competition must have taken over . In fact, it’s no news that if you want to succeed in business in this day and age, you must continuously innovate.

Now, if you must continuously innovate yourself or business to stay ahead of your competitors, why do you think it is okay to parent your kids in the same way you were brought up 20, 30 years ago? Why are you not seeking new ways to raise your digitized babies?

We have left raising our children to chance, the internet, gadgets, schools, teachers and religious organisations. We don’t do this to our businesses/careers? Why do that to your children? Your children are given to you to nurture, teach, guide and train and it is a role you shouldn’t take lightly.

Raising children in this digital age is different from our days where we were raised with restrictions. In the digital age, there are no restrictions. Everything is out there , whether you like it or not. This makes it challenging for parents to raise their children, if they don’t become deliberate and intentional about it. The days of trial and error are long gone. We need to start to seek help where necessary, because in this day and age it is so easy to lose a child.


Because the world is moving too fast and children are easily carried away if they aren’t brought up the right way.

Want to learn how to parent right and excel in this business of raising your child? Here are a few helpful tips:

Be a role model
Your kids are watching. 80% of your parenting is made easier if you practice what you preach to your children.

Speak positively
Rather than label your child in the negative light, use a positive approach. For example, rather than say you’re a liar, say, you know you’re not a liar, so why did you have to lie?

Create and spend quality time with them
Spending as little as 30 minutes a day, intentionally, will have more impact on them than not spending any time at all. Your children will also appreciate spending this time with you.

Invest in your kids’ talents and gifts
If they’re particularly skilled at something say singing, be their number one cheerleader. Gone are the days you have to be a medical doctor to be rich and famous.

Involve them in your day to day activities
Even if you run a tight schedule, you can bond with them through routine activities like ironing, cooking and cleaning.

Listen to them and don’t be too quick to judge
Your kids are human beings too, ask for their opinion on issues concerning them and listen to them.

Be quick to apologize when you’re wrong
Some of our parents are guilty for always wanting to be right and never apologising when they’re wrong. Don’t be that parent. In fact, don’t be too surprised if your little one calls you out for not apologising. We are in 2019 after all.

Invest in getting knowledge
Some of us need more help than others when it comes to parenting. If you think you need more knowledge to raise your child(ren), get it.

Teach them through life stories
Children often connect better with stories, so ensure you teach them valuable life lessons in the same way. In addition, it is okay to be vulnerable with your children.

Teach them the power of choice and consequences of decisions
Help them to understand that the choices they make can make or mar them for life.

Pray for them and with them
Prayer is key when raising kids in this day and age. But, remember you have a part to play before God can do His. Some parents are quick to hide under the umbrella of prayers and forget their responsibility.

While it takes a village to raise a child, being an intentional parent, who puts in some work and thought, will surely help in the long run.

Source: Bellanaija

As parents or caregivers, we want our children to grow strong and healthy. We also want them to have healthy confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we may do things that actually hurt our children’s confidence and self-esteem instead of helping it.
Here are five ways parents can kill children’s confidence:

. Comparing them to others: 
Instead of motivating your child to improve, comparisons will most likely make your child have low self-esteem. It is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within their peer group. Children need to know that they are accepted and loved for who they are, not because they are better or not as “good” as another. You do not want them to feel like they have to act like someone else to get your approval.

. Always solving their problems for them: 
Constantly solving a child’s problems or correcting their mistakes deprives them of a chance to learn, mature and develop self-confidence. This will ruin their chances of developing the skills and confidence required to navigate through life. When children solve their problems, even if they do not get it right, it is a great way to learn problem-solving skills.
Also, are you in the habit of speaking up for your child even when they are old enough to speak for themselves? This can make your child become withdrawn and lose confidence in their ability to speak for themselves. Allow your child to express themselves both in private and in public.

. Always shouting and nagging about their mistakes
Shouting at your children when helping them out with homework, or teaching them a skill can kill their confidence. As a parent, you have to be patient with your child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. At some point when you ask a question, they will be too scared to answer because of your shouting habit. Always correct them with care and make them feel that they can do it. But don’t over-pamper them. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it.

. Making fun of their physical differences:
Many parents want their kids to be physically and emotionally flawless. They often view their children’s physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Some young children have become anorexic just to escape being called “fat” while others become obese to avoid being called “skinny winky.” Most often than not, namecalling affects children’s self-esteem. These days, teenage girls cannot wait to turn 18, so that they can go in for surgery.

Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes.

. Living your life through them and planning their careers:
There are parents who plan their children’s lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond based on what they want for themselves. They believe that they are making their kids’ lives easier and less stressful. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many people are living their parents’ lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret.

It is okay to set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you’d like to see them go in, but let them have some independence. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live.

. Denying them your attention:
Children need and crave love and affection that only their parents can give. Not being there for your children creates “emotional neediness” in them. Some of these children crave and look for a “mother” and “father” figure in other people which could sometimes lead to abuse. Be intentional about spending time with your children. This might be difficult since we all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents. However, give your children all your attention, some of the time! Whenever you have time to spend with your children, ensure that they have all your attention. The occasional hugs, kisses and “I love you” should also not be forgotten.

The first time I heard the term ‘bullshit rules’, I remember thinking to myself ‘wait, bullshit what?’ BULLSHIT-RULES. You know what they are? They are these set of unwritten rules that the world expects us to live by but when you really break them down, you find out that the rule is really just bullshit. So Vishen Lakhiani (Founder of MindValley) decided to term them Bullshir-Rules and I’m going to attempt to whole idea to you.

Man, by being is programmable and I’ll tell you what I mean in a sec. If you strip down the things you generally hold to be true, to be your beliefs – you will notice that most of the things you believe are not a result of your conscious or rational choosing. You have grown to believe many things through programming, imitation and indoctrination. You basically believe a lot of things because you were told at some point in your life that that’s just how life is.

This would have been alright if the beliefs passed on were consistently beneficial, but this is not always the case – matter of fact, it rarely is.

As infants we are born without beliefs, with no real concept of right or wrong, good or bad. Society tells us what is acceptable and what is not. Culture determines what length a boys’ hair should be, parents dictate who they expect us to be friends with, and what they think we should study. Religion is clear on who makes a satisfactory spouse and who does not.

If you really really think about it, we are largely a product of our programming, yes there are exceptions but by and large many of us are still living the lives that someone somewhere told us to live.

We have taken our definitions of what is acceptable and what is not from people other than ourselves imagining that they know more about our lives than we”.

Now I understand the place of parents, teachers and others in authority over us and they are very much needed but we must not be oblivious of the fact that it is very easy for them to pass on their beliefs to us; whether these beliefs are necessary for our growth or not. To be really honest, a lot of their beliefs are bullshit and you really need to chuck them, hold on to what serves you only.

The thing with beliefs is that they are fact. Whatever you believe becomes ‘fact’ for you so it is possible that you can live your whole life living someone else’s beliefs and experiencing the life that goes with it. How uncool.

If your beliefs aren’t even yours, then are you yourself at all? Makes you wonder why there’s so many people running around with no sense of identity, no knowledge of who they are. They have relied on others to decide who they are and therefore who they can become – it is a tragedy really.

But NOT today!!!

Today we are crushing all bullshit rules and making up new rules to replace them. I do apologize for all the swear words in this post if it hurts your senses, there are just a few more to come and we’ll be done – I promise.

To attempt a definition – a bullshit rule is a belief about yourself or life that you have always believed to be true even if it isn’t necessarily. It’s mostly negative and a result of unintentional or intentional indoctrination. Here are a few bullshit rules we need to get rid of today.

Bull-Shit rule 1

To make money, you have to work really really really hard. Hard work is important but don’t get stuck thinking that unless you sweat and toil, you cannot have the success or the money you want. Just look around you, too many examples to be a fluke.

Bull-Shit rule 2

To be a happy and successful woman, you need a man – Nobody should ever NEED anyone other than themselves to make them happy. You don’t NEED anyone, you might want ‘em because really what would life be without men…heheehe..

Bull-Shit rule 3

I need to go to school to make any money – Education is important, but you do not always need the four walls of a room to learn. You 100% percent need education but it does not have to come in the form of a college degree. Your knowledge is not less valuable just because it didn’t come with a certificate. You feel me?

Bull-Shit rule 4

She is less of a woman because she did not physically birth a child – This is bullshit and that’s all I’m saying about that.

I know how sensitive this is and I say it with utmost consideration for all concerned but it’s just not true and it’s painful to see people feel less than themselves for something they have no control over. This one pains me on a personal level. Chuck this BS rule quickly.

Bull-Shit rule 5

Money is the root of evil – if you believe this then you will stay far away from money. How do you think something is evil and keep trying to get it? It’s counter-intuitive. Money is great, its what you do with it that makes it either evil or good.

Bull-Shit rule 6

I can’t make money from doing what I really love – oohhh, watch me and you can too. Might take a little time and cost a lot but it is possible. There are too many life examples for it not to be possible.

I can go on but where’s the fun in that? Get in on the gist and let us know what bull shit rules you will be chucking today. Remember if it doesn’t serve you, chuck it. *singing* …bad energy stay far away…

About Olachi Olatunji

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,



#Part 3

When you look at your kid or your ward or someone younger that you ae somehow responsible for, you want them to look at you are be proud. You always want them to be able to see in you the perfect example. Ask any parent – what drives you? You’d hear stuff like, “I want to give my kids a good example, I want them to look up to me, I want to show them that they can achieve anything they set their minds to” and who wouldn’t want to do or be all these things?

But parents, you need to take some pressure off yourself too. Even Superman needs a little Clark Kent time once in a while – we like to think we can do and be everything for our kids’ but the truth is – we can’t. Guess what? the kids don’t expect us to either.

I remember growing up, my mum was everything rolled into one and some days I just wanted her to rest. I saw what it was doing to her attempting all questions with 5 children every single day. Not easy.

I would understand if she could not be there for me at a time because she just needed to do HER but she never let up and many of you might never let up either. Maybe it’s how we were made – who knows?

Here’s what I want you to take from this –

Every parent wants to be their childs’ hero, they want to be the one their kids look up to but trust me when I tell you it’s better to just be honest with them. Tell the truth, they will understand.

Sometimes as parents we have to make tough decisions – sometimes we need to live away from our families for work or school or whatever. It sucks but telling them the truth helps them understand instead of just cope.

So, you can’t make the school game this week. Say, “Baby, I can’t make your school game on Friday ok – I am really sorry and I promise I’ll try to be at your next one – I’ll get your teacher to record it for me and we’ll watch it together at home, ok?”


That is so much better than promising them you’ll show up when you know – you really won’t be there.

Everyone loves a hero, but no one loves a liar and if you can’t be a hero, at least be honest.


You will disappoint them more by your lies rather than your truths. The truth you tell might hurt for the moment but the pain of lies can last a lifetime.

I was talking with a friend one time who said when he was 5, his parents dropped him off at boarding school and said they’d be right back. The next time he saw them was 3 months later at the end of the school term. I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have felt like. He cried every day for days until it became clear that neither mum nor dad was turning up and so at age 5, he was forced to become a man.

You might say – his parents probably just didn’t know how to explain it to a 5-year old and I think that too but did not-explaining make it easier on the child or on the parents?

Please stop trying to have it all figured out, stop trying to be so strong for them –Tell your kids the truth. Tell them in a way they can understand – they will and will love you for it too. You will demonstrate to them that honesty does not always feel good, but when the choice is presented – you should choose honesty over heroism, always.

You know one of the things I love most about being a parent – it’s that I get to hold right now in my hands what could be a crucial part of shaping a future generation and even if I cannot change the world myself – the idea that I can raise someone who CAN is hands down THE most amazing and terrifying part of being a parent. For me!

We don’t know everything, but we know some things. Let’s do the best we can with the best we know.

Think about how you’re going to choose honesty with your kids even if what you have to tell them is really difficult.

The End.

About Olachi Olatunji

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.


Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,




This is part 2 of a 3-part series so if you haven’t read part 1, you really should so you can get the flow of the series. But we all know you are just going to go ahead and keep reading this anyway…*side-eye* Don’t worry – we know “ourselves”.

Parenting isn’t easy, we are still trying to figure out how to be adults and suddenly we are supposed to raising entire individuals – no pressure huhn?

Dealing with all of this can be a lot and it is my personal experience that a lot of younger parents and even older parents are frustrated half the time. We need to find smarter ways to deal with all the pressure that accompanies life and not pass on that pressure to our kids.

You really should read part 1 of this Here, don’t say I didn’t try.

When it comes to raising kids, everyone seems to think they know how you can do it and they are very quick to tell you, whether you ask for their opinion or not.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

Yeah, I know the feeling – the first thing I said you could do in #part1 was ‘Hold your center’. The second thing you should know is big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

Be very aware that Big Brother is ALWAYS watching

I’ve got 2 kids, one of them is 5 and the other is 2. Recently, I noticed my 5-year-old yelling at my 2-year old “come here, pick up your toys, get down from the table – NOW”, complete with this huge scowl as he peered down at his sister. He was being a big brother and correcting her but what was scary was how he was doing it. He was doing it just like me, word for word, action for action.

He was using the exact same words I used on or at him and in the exact same tone (I was mortified, o dear – when I asked for a mini me – I didn’t mean for him to copy wrong traits too).

Have you ever met a kid you thought was so polite only to meet their parent(s) and go – “oh, I see why” – because they are just as polite. It’s not a coincidence. Its ‘monkey see, monkey do’ especially when kids are so young.

Children rarely do as you say, they do as you do. Heck, even adults mimic behavior. Truth is whether your child is very young or much older, she is still learning by observing your behavior. It is the design of nature for humans to learn first by observing.

Your kids are watching you. They see how you treat others, how you speak, and in the most unlikely of times they will replay your behavior to you much to your amazement. Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, children are the real big brother.

They will copy your eating habits, copy how you treat yourself; they will learn esteem from you. They will learn how to treat others by the way you treat them. This is why YELLING and SHOVING are just soooo unproductive. You teach them not to be violent and at the minutest slip-up, you whip out the back-hand or scream at the top of your voice. Yet you expect these creatures to magically take on a calm, non-violent demeanor. How?

You constantly ask your child to do better, to be better; isn’t it high time you start taking your own advice?

Knowing that big brother always watches shouldn’t make you paranoid or make you feel bad. No.  Don’t get overwhelmed. No matter how long you have been a parent you are still learning – its ok. Do the best you can.

Model the behavior you want to see in your kids. Show them how to act and how to behave and when you slip up, show them how you recover.

How you choose to do that is up you, just remember you are showing them how to behave by the way you behave, especially to them.

Now that you are aware, what is that one thing you know you do a hell of a lot of but you really don’t want your kid to copy? You know what to do.

Look out for #part3, last but certainly not the least of the series. It might make you cry.

About Olachi Olatunji

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,




Part 1 of 3

If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.

Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?

At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).

Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!

You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.

Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?

Well, your center, your middle, your core.

Here’s how to hold it

You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.

A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.

That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.

He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.

P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.

You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.

Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.

This is your center.

You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms.  I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?

I mean, really! Think about it.

Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

About Olachi

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,





Many children are becoming gadget addicts. They are getting so addicted to their phones, laptops, Ipads and play stations that parents should be worried. Children who are addicted to their gadgets lose concentration at school and their grades pay dearly for it. Some gadgets have restricted children’s imagination.

As a parent, you need to help your child or children find the right balance when embracing the real and virtual worlds. Most children’s play-grounds are virtual than real because they are always on their phones. They communicate more with their gadgets and this needs serious parental control.

It is true that technology is informative and entertaining, but it has disadvantages too. Parents need to know how to prevent technology addiction. Too much use of electronic gadgets has negative health effects on children. Too much addiction to gadgets causes rise of musculoskeletal problems in children.

Child gadget addiction needs to be treated firmly. Here are 5 tips for parents who want to digitally detox their children:

ways to prevent your children from being gadget addicts

Involve yourself

This is a very important aspect parents shouldn’t ignore. Even if you are overloaded with work and don’t find quality time to spend with your children, get involved by diverting their attention to other activities.

Parents can avoid having gadget addicts at home by spending quality time with their children. They can play games with them. Ask them questions about school, homework and friends. Don’t allow gadgets replace you in the lives of your children. Take action now.

No use of gadgets at meal time

If you want practical solutions to technology overuse, ban the use of gadgets during meal times in your house. Let your children know that meal time is what it is and shouldn’t be used to browse or play games.

Engage children in sports

Some children addicted to technology do that because they are bored. They can learn swimming, play football and cycle whenever they are bored. They can also go out and play with the other children in your neighborhood. This is how to distract kids from gadgets and divert their attention to real playgrounds.

Set activity time table

You can set time for studies, time to use gadgets, and time for outdoor activities. This is how to de addict kids from phones, laptops and play stations. They may find it hard to adjust but you need to be firm and strict about this. Create more fun-filled activities at home for them to partake in instead of staying glued to their phones and gadgets.

Maintain healthy sleeping routine

One of the ways of managing children’s consumption of electronic devices and preventing addiction to games is maintaining a healthy sleeping routine. Make it a rule for your children not to carry any electronic devices to bed.

Source: Feminine