Parenting - Women of Rubies

In self development October 10, 2018 By Editor

“MY CHILDREN ARE MY TEACHERS”, SAYS KERRY WASHINGTON AS SHE COVERS MARIE CLAIRE’S POWER ISSUE

Kerry Washington is the latest cover star for Marie Claire‘s Power Issue. For the cover feature, she talks life after tv series Scandal, heading back to Broadway, motherhood, and the Time Up movement.

Read excerpts below:

On the word Power: Honestly, I think about power as more of an internal phenomenon, I tend to think about empowerment for myself so that I have the courage and ability to act on the ideologies and priorities that resonate with me. I’ve always wanted to cultivate a sense of empowerment within myself without seeking approval from outside sources, which is hard to do as an actor, which is part of why producing is so important and which is where some of my freedom, or learning, to take that sense of freedom and bring it to a larger audience and larger space has a lot to do with having my employer be a black woman.

On working on Broadway: Theater is a big part of why I fell in love with storytelling and with acting and I hadn’t been able to do it for the whole life of Scandal. I love being in the room with your audience. There’s something very meditative and monastic to me about theatre because on TV, every single day is different. To commit yourself to go to the same place and saying the same words and walking the same path, it’s almost like a labyrinth in a monastery or a walking meditation, where the world around you changes but you don’t. You commit to the same task at hand, and in doing that, you learn so much. The last time I did theater, it completely transformed my life. That’s where I met my husband.

On what Motherhood has taught her: Everything. My children are my teachers. There’s a writer that I love, Dr Shefali Tsabary. She writes about conscious parenting, and her paradigm is that we think about it all wrong. We think children come into the world and it’s our job to mold them and create them and teach them who to be so that they can be the best version of themselves, but it’s actually completely upside down. We get sent by God the kids we need so we can grow in order to be the parents they need us to be. The children I got sent came in perfect, and I have to figure out how to grow and evolve so that I can support the truth of them. I’m in a constant state of learning and challenging myself to make room for their perfection and beauty.

On the disparities in representation and action for women of colour in the industry and beyond: It’s complicated to be a woman of colour doing this work because I remember the first time I talked about it in a meeting. I said to the white women in the room, ‘You all roll your eyes when they call it a witch hunt, but for black women in this country, we’ve had our men hung from trees for whistling at white women when they did no wrong. The false accusation of sexual assault is a very real danger for us in a way that doesn’t resonate for you, and so when you wonder why there aren’t more of us in the room, that might be part of it.

It was in that meeting that we were talking about how one of our members got word that there was a powerful exposé being developed around R. Kelly and said, ‘Do we want to get ahead of this?’ It was like, ‘Of course we do.’ It can’t be only the Angelina Jolies and the Gwyneth Paltrows, that we prioritize their pain and ignore all of these underage black women who for decades have been saying, ‘Help me.’ We came forward for them in a statement about R. Kelly, and it was Time’s Up WOC’s first big public action.

Click here for more on Kerry.

In lifestyle April 24, 2017 By Editor

OZI MORDI : KNOW YOUR PARENTING STYLE

A woman I know thinks she knows what works better for her; she tells her story: “With my children, nobody can tell me what to do or tell me how to bring them up. I understand them and I think they know me, too. They know that concerning some of their behaviours, that I would never give in to their wishes. Still, my objection does not prevent them from trying to do just those things.

“I have three of them; two girls and one boy, ages six, nine and 12. Bringing them up is not easy, not when you are worrying or feeling tired then one or three of them decide to annoy you.

“Mummy, she pinched me so I have to beat her. We have a fixed time within which they could watch television, but it does not stop them from switching on between the time they have to do home work or help with housework.

“Sharp scolding works sometimes but many times when they have decided to have it out with you, you might just be speaking to the wall. When threats and shouts don’t work, that is when you take the final resort to drive home your point. I match to the sitting room and switch off the television myself.

“But that is a problem sometimes, normally, when I have taken this step, they feel ashamed and try to make up by playing with me or plead that I should “aw, mummy! Give us 30 minutes, now.”

“When I throw my ‘tantrum’, I wanted children who felt ashamed and guilty enough to try to make up to me. Sometimes, however, the reactions I get worsen my already frayed nerves. The result is sulky children; my daughter, the oldest would lie flat on her stomach, closes her eyes and refuse to listen to me; she switches off entirely. My son walks disconsolately to a corner and sulks while my youngest sheds silent tears.

“Do I give in to their wishes when I need their help? Should I allow them to disobey rules without permission because they have to see a favourite programme?

“I have used beating as discipline without success. I have concluded that children would always want to do what they want. I tell them that, but I also tell them that if all of us were to do what we wanted at the wrong time that chaos would be the result.

“What I do? I know it is time to look at the cause of the rebellion. In normal and happy times, one of them would be in the kitchen helping me while the others are hitting each other playing in a friendly way if home has been done. If I told them to put off the TV, they never needed to be told twice.

“When they resist, I know there is a problem somewhere; it may or may not have to do with school. One of them may have lost money or something valuable and feels bad and they want to discuss it with me but don’t know how to start.”

“How do you deal with it exactly?” we asked her. “I keep quiet and stare at them, I have not used words but my body language tells them that I am really angry with them. By the time I am ready to talk with them, they are calmer, too, and very willing to talk.

This mummy told us her story after we witnessed a scene between another mother and her 13-year-old daughter. We were sitting with the mother when the girl bounded in from outside-nose in the air and partially blinded with fury. “Mwn…mwn…mummy…mummy”, she wailed then stamped into a corner and yanked at an electric cable. All the appliances in the room went blank.

Before her action, she had been asking to use the mother’s phone which she refused her. The girl was remorseful and tried to put things in order again without success. She knew she had annoyed her mother but she did not leave the room; she went to her mother and stood wordlessly by her side. It was plain that she was imploring and asking for forgiveness.

The mother on her part had reacted to the disaster by drawing in her breath; she carried her head in her chest to show her distress. Mother and daughter stayed wordless for a few moments more, and then the mother went and put her connections back again and spoke kindly to her before she left.

Our summary is that you can get there by following your children calmly. Try to understand what is behind their actions; you may find it difficult if you think that children should obey you all the time. You should not always expect them to know that you feel stressed and expect them not be children.

Irrespective of your being worn out by them, children will make demands on you and they will fight or play roughly sometimes to your annoyance. But that is the truth.

Source: Guardian

In Interviews&profile February 7, 2017 By Editor

“IF SOMEONE TOLD ME FIVE YEARS AGO THAT I WOULD BE RUNNING A BLOG I WOULD HAVE LAUGHED IT OFF” – AMAKA BENSON

Amaka Benson is an energy economist, mummy-blogger and author of recently launched children’s cookbook Micah’s Meals. She tells NIKE SOTADE how she ventured into full-time blogging, which has recorded a phenomenal success within the SHORT time she started, essence of her new book and more

Background

My name is Amaka Benson. I am an energy economist, mummy-blogger and more recently author of Micah’s Meals. I have a wonderful, loving and supportive husband, Yomi. We have been blessed with two beautiful children, Micah and Eliana. Our son Micah, is three years old, a strong-willed but sensitive little foodie. Our daughter Eliana, is eight months old and she is a very happy and gentle baby. I hold a first degree in Chemical Engineering from the University College London and a M.Sc. in Energy Studies with a specialisation in Energy Economics at the Centre for Energy, Petroleum and Mineral Law and Policy. In 2014, I started the lifestyle and parenting blog, Maky’s Corner and I recently published my first baby/toddler cookbook, Micah’s Meals.

Leaving the Oil and Gas Sector to go into blogging

The decision to become a full time blogger didn’t happen overnight, I moved to a new country and we were expecting a baby soon after. It was a high risk pregnancy so I wasn’t able to return to work immediately. At the same time, I was working on publishing my first book, Micah’s Meals. The truth is I never compare my career as an energy economist to blogging and writing. I am thankful because I never approached blogging as a “career” or a means to make money. I simply wanted to share my story, but in a short period of time, my brand grew immensely. My children don’t see me going to an office everyday, but my son knows there are different kinds of jobs – I have an office at home, which I work from and I try to be a strong role model for my children as well as show them that unconventional work can also be meaningful.

I make it a point to stay up-to-date in my field, in case I decide I want to return to full time employment. It also helps that my husband is in the same industry – it makes for insightful work/dinnertime conversations. And, as time permits, I still seek out opportunities to consult on projects in my area of expertise.

Why Blogging

If someone told me five years ago that I would be running a blog very much centered on faith, pregnancy, motherhood and family, I would have laughed it off but becoming a mother, especially after experiencing difficulties, drastically changed my perspective on so many things. The truth is, I started blogging because I wanted to share my pregnancy testimony and I decided that a personal blog would be the best platform to do so.

My Target Audience

I don’t focus on a “target audience” – my blog, my story, my experiences are for everyone, regardless of age or sex. Having said that, I’m especially strong with women aged 18 – 34.

I started my blog with no expectations of a large readership, if any but the support has been overwhelmingly positive! In the first couple of months we already had over 300,000 views on the site. I feel so blessed that so many women open up to me and share their stories and testimonies. I connect with amazing women from all walks of life and have discovered a new passion in life.

Large Social media audience

I am blessed because I have been able to build my audience organically by doing the things I already do without focused intentions. By doing the things I love that come NATURALLY to me, it is humbling to know that I have been able to enrich and add value to my audience.

Micah’s Meal

Micah’s Meals is a weaning guide and recipe book for babies, toddlers and beyond. It is more than a cookbook; it is the quintessential guide to a baby’s IMPORTANT first years of feeding. From the introduction of solid foods at 6 months, Micah’s Meals provides information on taste, texture and what foods to avoid in order to help make the transition to family meals easier for babies and toddlers.

I personally think every mum is busy but Micah’s Meals is not just for mothers. It is for parents and caregivers too. To make things simpler for parents, Micah’s Meals also includes weekly menu plans and tips for cooking in bulk, so you don’t have to spend hours everyday cooking. With the menu plans as a guide, people can make dishes in batches and store a variety of nutritious, tasty meals. Micah’s Meals is an invaluable guide that is suitable for both the novice and experienced cook, it is the perfect addition to every home.

Challenges of Parenting for the 21st Century Mother & How I balance it all

The Bible says, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” So for me, juggling parenting with my career is learning about how best to manage my time and the opportunities God provides and blesses me with.

I need to balance quite a few roles but the roles I consider most IMPORTANT in my life are my roles as a wife and mother, especially the role of raising our kids to be wholesome and well rounded in their vital formative years. I try to be superwoman some days but I am honestly still learning to “balance” my ambition with my roles and responsibilities as a wife and mother. Ultimately I am a work in progress, subject to continual reflection and reassessment.

Meet Maky Benson

I believe in loving myself for who I am, keeping an open mind to the rest of the world. Not letting the noise of other people’s opinions drown out my inner voice. I believe in not worrying about things I can’t change, enjoying the little things in life, never giving up hope, trying to be the best I can be at everything and living without regrets. More IMPORTANTLY, having the courage to follow my heart and intuition.

My Faith

My faith has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember – through school and into adulthood, though there have been times along the way where I have drifted and needed to re-align myself with God and rededicate myself to him.

Life has taught me that sometimes, you have to grow into your passion, it’s not something you are necessarily born with – sometimes you have to cultivate, curate, and discover what it is that makes you tick. It’s one of the reasons I find doing things so incredibly IMPORTANT; discovery, skill and mastery are as essential to happiness as many other things.

What have been the challenges of breaking into the blogging world?

The biggest challenge I faced was finding and starting a niche – when I started blogging as a new mum in 2014, there weren’t a lot of mummy bloggers. I created a platform to make women comfortable to discuss their setbacks, triumphs and the everyday joys that redefine their notions of motherhood. As a result, I got a lot of comments like “what is she going to tell us about motherhood that we don’t know” or some people weren’t comfortable with me being so open about my experiences and challenges. Through it all, these challenges have helped me grow into the person I am today and I thank God I’m able to keep doing what I love regardless of the trials I may face.

How I relax

I love to do a couple of things. Listening to gospel music and reflecting on life is very relaxing to for me. I also love reading motivational and inspirational books – for my Christian life, family, marriage and parenting. Other times I love going to the spa, getting facials, getting my hair done and so on. Things that make me feel and look good.

What I want to be remembered for

How I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered as the woman who gave her all. Giving less than 100 per cent effort is not an option for me. I give my all in everything I do – you only get one chance at life, and I’m going to make the most of it. I want to be remembered as the woman who inspired others to reach their goals – I hope that’s the mark I leave on the world. I want to be remembered as the woman who never lost her faith. I’m a very positive by NATURE, and I think a big part of that is knowing that there’re things beyond my control and God has always got a plan for me. If I didn’t have that to hold on to, I don’t know where I would have been. I want to be remembered as the woman whose heart was full of love. I want to be remembered as the woman who lived with no regrets. Obviously, living without regrets doesn’t mean I never messed up or made mistakes, it just means that in those times I learned something. I also don’t want to get to the end of my life and wish I had done more with it – I want to live an extraordinary life. I want to be remembered as a wonderful mother and wife.

Finally, I would like to be remembered as someone who made a difference in the world, who accomplished her dreams, pleased God, and did what God created me to do on this earth.