Part 1 of 3
If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.
Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?
At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).
Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!
You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.
The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?
F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.
Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?
Well, your center, your middle, your core.
Here’s how to hold it
You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.
A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.
That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.
He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.
P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.
You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.
Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.
This is your center.
You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms. I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?
I mean, really! Think about it.
Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…
About Olachi
Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’
I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.
I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.
I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.
Olachi Olatunji
Chief Curator,
THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.
#TKOH
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