Olachi Olatunji

This is part 2 of a 3-part series so if you haven’t read part 1, you really should so you can get the flow of the series. But we all know you are just going to go ahead and keep reading this anyway…*side-eye* Don’t worry – we know “ourselves”.

Parenting isn’t easy, we are still trying to figure out how to be adults and suddenly we are supposed to raising entire individuals – no pressure huhn?

Dealing with all of this can be a lot and it is my personal experience that a lot of younger parents and even older parents are frustrated half the time. We need to find smarter ways to deal with all the pressure that accompanies life and not pass on that pressure to our kids.

You really should read part 1 of this Here, don’t say I didn’t try.

When it comes to raising kids, everyone seems to think they know how you can do it and they are very quick to tell you, whether you ask for their opinion or not.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

Yeah, I know the feeling – the first thing I said you could do in #part1 was ‘Hold your center’. The second thing you should know is big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

Be very aware that Big Brother is ALWAYS watching

I’ve got 2 kids, one of them is 5 and the other is 2. Recently, I noticed my 5-year-old yelling at my 2-year old “come here, pick up your toys, get down from the table – NOW”, complete with this huge scowl as he peered down at his sister. He was being a big brother and correcting her but what was scary was how he was doing it. He was doing it just like me, word for word, action for action.

He was using the exact same words I used on or at him and in the exact same tone (I was mortified, o dear – when I asked for a mini me – I didn’t mean for him to copy wrong traits too).

Have you ever met a kid you thought was so polite only to meet their parent(s) and go – “oh, I see why” – because they are just as polite. It’s not a coincidence. Its ‘monkey see, monkey do’ especially when kids are so young.

Children rarely do as you say, they do as you do. Heck, even adults mimic behavior. Truth is whether your child is very young or much older, she is still learning by observing your behavior. It is the design of nature for humans to learn first by observing.

Your kids are watching you. They see how you treat others, how you speak, and in the most unlikely of times they will replay your behavior to you much to your amazement. Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, children are the real big brother.

They will copy your eating habits, copy how you treat yourself; they will learn esteem from you. They will learn how to treat others by the way you treat them. This is why YELLING and SHOVING are just soooo unproductive. You teach them not to be violent and at the minutest slip-up, you whip out the back-hand or scream at the top of your voice. Yet you expect these creatures to magically take on a calm, non-violent demeanor. How?

You constantly ask your child to do better, to be better; isn’t it high time you start taking your own advice?

Knowing that big brother always watches shouldn’t make you paranoid or make you feel bad. No. Don’t get overwhelmed. No matter how long you have been a parent you are still learning – its ok. Do the best you can.

Model the behavior you want to see in your kids. Show them how to act and how to behave and when you slip up, show them how you recover.

How you choose to do that is up you, just remember you are showing them how to behave by the way you behave, especially to them.

Now that you are aware, what is that one thing you know you do a hell of a lot of but you really don’t want your kid to copy? You know what to do.

Look out for #part3, last but certainly not the least of the series. It might make you cry.

About Olachi Olatunji

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

Part 1 of 3

If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.

Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?

At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).

Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!

You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.

Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?

Well, your center, your middle, your core.

Here’s how to hold it

You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.

A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.

That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.

He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.

P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.

You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.

Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.

This is your center.

You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms. I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?

I mean, really! Think about it.

Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

About Olachi

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

OLACHI OLATUNJI: BE VERY AWARE THAT BIG BROTHER IS ALWAYS WATCHING

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