Marriage pressure is one of the biggest challenges folks in their 30’s face. If you have experienced this, then this article is for you.
“Simisola, buy balloon na and do photo-shoot for your birthday”, Tayo said.
“Limme, I’m not buying balloon”
“Why nau? Buy jor so that we can post fine pictures on Instagram”
“Please you people should not go and display my age on my birthday on Instagram o”
Simisola’s 30th birthday was in a couple of days and she was sure her friends would want to announce her cross over to the world of the thirties. But Simi was vehemently against it. Tayo bullied, scolded and bashed her but she maintained her stand that she didn’t want a public announcement of her age. She just wasn’t ready for the questions friends and family would ask.
“So Simi, err… time is no longer on your side o, when are you getting married?’
Aunt Dayo her mother’s eldest sister had called her a couple of days ago full of praises. “SimiSimi peperempempe Peperempe, How are you my dear, your birthday is coming up soon o, Awon brother nko? when are we going to meet them, you are not getting younger o, don’t let your looks deceive you. Abi is there a problem? Shey you will come to my house let us discuss it. Plus Joke, that my friend, her son is back from the States, very fine boy….”
Her Mom had also called her to get ready for deliverance in her church soon.
Poor Simi, she’s beginning to think she has a problem and must marry the next man available.
So many ladies are in Simi’s shoes right now. The pressure from family, friends and the society is insane! Why are we like this sha?!
Society will force you to get married because according to them you are now “ripe for marriage”, saddling an otherwise good woman with a lifelong handicap.
We look upon a young unmarried lady as though she’s suffering from a vile disease just because she’s not married. A lady over the age of thirty soon becomes the butt of ridicule, accusations and meddling, by those around her. Of course there are many reasons a woman could remain unmarried – failed relationships, attitude, exposure, etc.
A lot of times people assume it’s because she has a bad character – in cases when it is, rather than ridicule them, why not help build and mold such women to be better.
Marriage is not the beginning and end of life. I have no doubt its meant to be beautiful and meaningful because it is God’s mandate, but only if you are in it for the right reasons with God’s leading, then it will be fine. Maybe not perfect but it will be fine. Please don’t make marriage seem like the highest possible achievement a woman can ever have.
There are so many young, impressionable women out there, what advice are we giving?
Be a better woman so God can send the right man your way or you better hurry up and marry the next available guy because time is no longer on your side.
We need to realize that at the end of the day titles are meaningless where genuine feelings are nonexistent.
Stop worshipping the RING! Nigerians also need to change the mentality that the life aim of every woman is to be married and have children. Don’t get me wrong please, I am definitely not in support of the “You don’t need a man team” Hollup! Lol. I definitely need a man, but biko, please, let us marry for the right reasons, not because we want to please friends and family.
Lara’s story will inspire you to rise above your challenges no matter what life throws at you.. The pretty relationship counselor and matchmaking mistress heart has been broken 15 times alongside other unforeseen life experiences, most recently is her crashed marriage which inspired her to write her fast selling book “Matchmakers marriage break” ,in a bid to own her truth and use her story to inspire single women to make the right decision before walking down the aisle. “ I am not ashamed to tell the world my story, I still believe in the institution of Marriage, sadly mine didn’t work but many are still working” she says as she shares her journey with me in this interview.
Growing up
Well, I don’t think so. I had a normal childhood like everyone else and there was nothing new or special about it. I just knew that I always wanted to be on TV and talk, I had no idea what I would be talking about. I was such such a happy and talkative child who wanted to explore so many things. I loved to read and talk.
Meet Lara
Lara Kudayisi, the first in a family of four. I had a child at 19, 14 heartbreaks and 15. Abortions before I got married. Another chapter of my life started when that marriage broke while I was busy helping people find love and live Happily Ever After. I am a Relationship Expert and a Therapist That specializes in Healing and Recovery from Emotional Dysfunctions and Trauma. I am also an author of 3 books; 21 QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY TASTE IN MEN and HOW THE MATCHMAKER’S MARRIAGE FAILED.
Inspiration behind “Matchmaking Mistress”
The Matchmaking Mistress was a name I adopted when I decided to go fully into Matchmaking about three years ago. I had been a Relationship Coach prior to that time and I had a club for singles titled THE COMPLETE SINGLES CLUB. It was a club where singles met, networked and had fun. The club members started talking to me about not being able to find love even when the objectives of the group was to bring people together.
I decided to Matchmake some people then and I saw that they were into it and that was what made me make it a niche then so nobody that I knew was providing that service then.
My new book “Matchmakers Marriage failed”
When I had my daughter at age 19, my dad was so furious with me understandably because I was the first child and he was disappointed in me.
My dad out of anger and pain told me back then that I would likely not get married since I was an After One. Those words were very painful especially since I heard them everyday. I decided to prove him wrong and show him that despite my mistakes, I would get married. I must tell you that that was my greatest mistake I made.
I say that because that was the root of my addiction to relationships and marriage. My goal was to get married and prove my Dad wrong (There is a chapter in my book titled; I MARRIED TO PROVE DADDY WRONG). This made me close my eye to every red flag or sign which was why I ended up having 14 heartbreaks and 15 Abortions.This addiction and Dysfunction was what I carried into my marriage and that contributed largely to why it crashed. This story is what I shared in this book.
A lot of women have been broken and damaged from their childhood or even from their past emotional experiences and they are busy carrying it around without knowing. This is why I need them to read this book and understand the implication of their unresolved hurt and pain.
Reception after my marriage broke
Well, the reception has been both good and bad. A lot of people were shocked that someone who helped other people to find love and live Happily Ever After could have a broken home. They are more shocked that I could even have the audacity to be the one to break the news by writing about it. Shock soon turned into anger because they expect me to be in mourning and hiding instead of coming out to talk about it. Some people are genuinely curious and they really want to know what went wrong while some wants to know for the purpose of gossip. Some other people really want to know what happened so that they can learn from it and avoid falling into such situation.
I love all the audience because it’s a win win for me in all cases. No matter your intention, talking about it in a good way or bad way has helped in promoting the book and making people who truly need it to get to know about it and buying it. Finally, I also have a lot of positive responses from people who are in pain and they can relate to what I went through. They are my actual target audience because they are the ones that need my help in helping them to heal and recover from emotional pain.
Other Projects
Ever since I wrote the book, I have launched THE HEALING BOOT CAMP which is the main reason for ever talking about my sordid past and broken marriage. Healing and Recovery is what people who are broken, damaged and dysfunctional need in order to get better. We are having the Boot Camp in Abuja on March 23rd&24th and in Lagos on April 6th&7th.
Reward
Fulfillment and Joy deep in my heart that no form of money can buy. I’ve seen people who were hopeless and helpless found their self confidence and are now full of life and a new will to do exploits in life. I could identify because I was once like them. I nearly committed suicide when my marriage crashed and I thought that my career and life had ended. I thought that was the end of me and nothing more is left but look at me today, totally living a brand new life with a new desire to do great things in this life all because I went through my healing process which gave me a new perspective to life. There can be no other joy than this that anyone can feel. It’s so so surreal.
Next five years and it’s impact on homes
By then, we would have built THE HEALING INSTITUTE where we would have helped hundreds of thousands of people to Heal and also certify Healing Coaches to spread the word all over the world. We would have toured at least 20 countries and plenty cities launching Conferences that would help lots of people Heal and Recover from Emotional Pain and Dysfunction. We would have had a TV and Radio Station where we would churn out programs that contributes to Mental, Emotional Wellness and Happily Ever After.
My work & marriage
My work had positive influences on my Marriage more than the negatives but the baggage that we brought in was what crashed the marriage.
One lesson I took out of my marriage
Always take your intuition or conviction seriously beyond what anyone else tells you no matter the pedigree of that person. God speaks to us all the time through different means that we don’t even recognize. We just need to be sensitive enough to pick the vibe when he’s speaking. It is now a lesson but it was a reality that could have been avoided.
Advice for women enduring unhappy & abusive marriages
If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage please get out of it before you die. Get Therapy even while you are still there because I know it’s going to be a very hard thing to do all by yourself. The decision to leave a marriage or a long time relationship is a VERY difficult one and you need all the help and support you can get to help get you in the right frame of mind to take that drastic action.
Dear Woman….
LIVE FULLY!!!
People would tell you how to live and not how to live. They would want you to be exactly like them. The world want you to fail in the areas they fail and excel only in the areas that they did. Find your own IDENTITY, it may take a while because there’s no manual for it in this life. However, when you find it, please LIVE it to the fullest. Don’t let anyone give you their own template. Your money is in your Identity. Your happiness is in your identity. Your purpose is in your identity, so also is your purpose.
That you are a woman doesn’t mean you are disadvantaged. You are who you say you are.
A Saudi woman has lost a judicial battle to marry the man of her choice as a court deemed him “religiously” unfit because he plays a musical instrument, a Saudi newspaper reported.
Saudi Arabia kingdom requires women to seek permission from male “guardians” — their fathers, husbands or other male relatives — to travel, get married and other tasks.
In some parts of the kingdom, a man who plays a musical instrument is considered of inferior status and having a bad reputation.
Two years ago the suitor, a teacher, asked for the hand of the woman, a 38-year-old bank manager from the ultra-conservative region of Qassim, north of the capital Riyadh, Okaz newspaper said.
But her family objected, saying he was not “religiously compatible” with her because he played the oud, the oriental lute which is popular across the Arab world.
The woman, who was not named, took her case to the courts.
A lower court weighed in on the side of the family, saying the marriage could not go through.
» moreThe oud is a stringed instrument also known as the oriental lute which is very popular across the Arab world (AFP)
“Because the suitor plays a musical instrument he is unsuitable for the woman from a religious point of view,” the court said, according to Okaz.
An appeals court ratified the verdict, making it final, the newspaper added.
The woman told Okaz she will seek intervention from the country’s “highest authorities” — a reference to the royal court.
The bank manager, who holds a masters degree and is responsible for more than 300 employees, said she was determined to marry her suitor, describing him as “very pious and with a good reputation”.
