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Esther Ijewere: 10 Ways To Revive Your Positive Energy

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional state of mind that focuses on the good and expects positive outcomes. Staying positive can be tough. Positivity can start to wain when you are bombarded with a succession of negativity, failures, disappointment and heartbreak.
Every challenge you face withdraws from your energy, resilience and a little bit of your faith. Once your positive energy is depleted, pessimism slowly begins to creep in and take hold.

If you want to stay positive when facing challenges and negative situations, here are 10 things you can do to help revive your positive energy:

1. Perform random acts of kindness

Finding ways to put a smile on the face of others affects you just as much as it affects them. It takes the focus off of you and your problems and allows you to be a positive force in the lives of others. Doing good for others makes you feel good. It lifts your mood, improves self esteem and self-worth and it serves as a small distraction from your current challenges.

2. Take a mental break
Exhaustion is the silent killer of positivity.Learn to take breaks when things get overwhelming. Do something that gives your mind a break from whatever challenge you are facing–and that could just mean taking a nap.

2. Develop an attitude of gratitude
Noticing and appreciating the positives in our lives is a great way to lift your spirits and provide yourself a mental boost. Start to practice gratitude by being thankful for the simple things in life.

4. Laugh
Laughter truly is the best medicine for most of what ails us. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Find a way to laugh–often. Watch a comedy, spend the evening with your crazy friend who knows how to keep you in stitches.

4. Hang around with positive people
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The bottom line here is our behavior and thought patterns mirror those we hang around. Choose carefully who you allow into your circle.

5. Look for the silver lining immediately
Trying to force optimistic thinking amidst emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don’t work that well.
Training yourself to look for the lesson and find the bright spot not only eases the burden a little, it also slowly begins to transform your entire thought process.

8. Breathe deeply
Breathing exercises help expel toxic air from your body and refills your body and more importantly–your brain with fresh air. It clears your mind and allows you to regain mental clarity. One moment of clarity at the right time can change everything.

9. Don’t dwell on negativity
Avoid dwelling on downers. Downers bring you down!
Focusing on negatives isn’t just unpleasant, it also makes you less effective in tackling other tasks you face. Negativity produces more negativity.
Bad things happen–try not to replay them over and over and fixate on un-pleasantries. Play positive scenes in your mind instead.

10. Engage in positive self-talk
Talk to yourself. Tell yourself things are going to turnaround and will work out in the end.
Say it out loud. Speaking what you believe out loud reinforces and strengthens the message. You say it and hear it simultaneously.

Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

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Esther Ijewere: 6 Effortless Ways To Show Love To Yourself

Living life is a constant work in progress for each person, but that doesn’t mean that you should get so caught up that you neglect showing yourself love. Break down the walls preventing you from self-love, and enrich your life. Here are 6 ways I have learnt to show myself love, you should try it too.
1. Tell Yourself What You Love About Yourself
Many times, we get caught up in everything around us that we forget to remind ourselves just how awesome we are. Our own disappointment, acceptance, patience, and love that we have for ourselves will always reflect what we show others.
2. Accept Imperfection
One of the most worthwhile things that we can do for ourselves is to give up on being perfect, and start the journey to become our true selves. The best part of that journey is to return to feeling peace within ourselves. This peace comes from training your mind to process life as it actually is, rather than what you think it should be.
3. Know That the Approval of Others Doesn’t Matter
Oftentimes people greatly value having the approval of others, even when it isn’t clear exactly what would gain their approval.You should instead focus on doing what is right for your own self, disregarding what others will think. You do not need anyone’s permission to be happy.
4. Bring Distance Between Yourself and Those Who Bring You Down
Worry less about the people in your life that are not worrying about you. You should surround yourself with those who inspire you, respect you, love you, and support you.
5. Make the Changes You Know Are Necessary
When you know that you want to see changes in your life, you will need to do things that you’ve never done before. Aim to stay away from the things that tear you down, and gravitate toward the things, activities and thoughts that fulfill you in the way that you want.
6. Let Go of Your Past Self
A part of life is that good people like you will sometimes make bad choices. Sure, past mistakes make up who you are today, but they do not define you. It is never too late to move on from them – dwelling will only lead to hurt.

“Esther is an activist, Writer, Columnist, Author and editor-in-chief & founder -Women of Rubies. She is passionate about issues that affect women and children. 

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & IG : @Estherijewere

LinkedIn: Esther Ijewere

Email: admin@womenofrubies.com

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8 SIGNS YOUR PARTNER IS MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP

The beginning of a relationship can be a whirlwind of excitement. Flirtatious chats, all that intimate tension. Unfortunately, many of us have had these honeymoon stage feelings and only found out later that our partner wasn’t anywhere near ready to handle a relationship.

While the relationship can be fun and casual, you’ll also want to make sure that you know the signs of when your partner is really ready to take the next step into a mature and adult relationship. Some people just don’t have the experience, while others just aren’t ready to mature yet.

But how can you identify a mature partner?

“Many women talk about dating a “mature man”. What they’re really referring to is “emotional maturity.” An emotionally mature man is a man who won’t shut you out the minute things get stressful in his life,” says author Christian Carter.

Make sure you know the signs of when your partner is ready to take that next step with you.

Here are 8 Signs Your Partner Is Ready To Handle a Relationship

1. THEY’RE WILLING TO SHOW VULNERABILITY

If your significant other is flighty, cagey and doesn’t seem to want to open up, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready for a real relationship. After all, a key component of being in a relationship is the ability and the willingness to be vulnerable with your partner. Your partner should be willing to share their feelings with you, even when those feelings are upsetting or uncomfortable.

2. THEY’RE AUTHENTIC

Your partner should act and feel like a real person. You shouldn’t have to watch them put on a show for the people around you. If your partner is authentic, it means that they’re willing to stick to their core beliefs, and don’t feel a need to fake it around other people. Your partner should be entirely comfortable with who they are. If they aren’t, how are they going to be comfortable in a relationship?

If something comes up or things don’t go their way, they’re able to handle it with grace rather than throwing a fit. You want to be sure that your partner is able to go with the flow, because life and relationships are always going to be changing when we least expect it.

You don’t want a partner who is using you for financial gain.

“It is important that someone be able to take care of themselves emotionally and physically. If they can’t, they will never be able to provide the support they need to provide when that is called for,” says clinical psychologist and author Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.

Having a partner who is flexible and easily able to handle change means that they’re definitely ready and mature enough to be in a relationship.

4. THEY’RE INTIMATE

Having a good sex life is a pretty important part of having a mature relationship. If your partner has troubles with intimacy, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready to take that step with you. And that’s okay! People move at their own pace. Your partner should always be intimate in ways that aren’t just limited to sex. They should be able to share their feelings with you, and share parts of themselves that they don’t with other people. That is an important part of intimacy.

5. THEY HAVE GOALS AND STICK WITH THEM

Having goals is good, but sometimes people just put them on a shelf and forget to actually try and achieve them. You want to make sure your partner has the ability to make goals and also follow through with them. If they want to lose a few pounds, your partner should have the control to change their diet or exercise in order to do so – instead of just saying they want to without doing anything.

5. THEY HAVE GOOD FINANCIAL HABITS

The hallmark of someone who isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship is their inability to handle their finances. They should be able to pay their bills on time without accidentally overspending on things that they shouldn’t. If your partner has good financial habits and isn’t constantly running out of money on things they don’t need, it’s safe to say they’re mature enough to handle a relationship.

7. THEY’RE A GOOD PERSON

Being a good person is a culmination of many things. How do they treat strangers, service workers, their friends and their parents? What are their values? How do they feel about helping others? A lot of being a good person is knowing when to be selfless. If your partner has a hard time thinking about anyone other than themselves, then they might not be ready to think about you.

A good person is one who has “respect and kindness in his words and actions. You don’t feel belittled or less than even if he isn’t happy with you. He stands with you and has your back when you are struggling. Your priorities become important to him,” says marriage counselor and author Lesli Doares.

8. THEY’RE SELF-AWARE

Your partner should be able to notice both their strengths and their weaknesses. You want a partner who has a balanced view of themselves. If they think too highly of themselves, they may not be able to recognize when they’re in the wrong. If they think too lowly of themselves, they may not have the self-esteem it takes to maintain a relationship. Keep an eye out for your partner’s self-awareness; it’ll be a huge indicator of when they’re ready for a relationship.

Lets me also add that a mature partner should respect your differences

Not only do they respect them, but they also appreciate them. Your partner should appreciate your differences, and respect you as a person enough to not try and change them. If you find that your partner can’t seem to see past your differences, it may be a sign they’re not ready to handle a relationship

Final thoughts

Making sure your partner hits these checkpoints of maturity is important to knowing whether or not they’re really ready for a relationship. But at the same time, it’s important that you can say the same thing about yourself, as well! Relationships take two people to work, and you want to make sure you’re not holding your partner to a higher standard than yourself.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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8 SIMPLE WAYS TO BUILD YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE

“Do you want to attract people to you effortlessly”?

“Do people warm up to you easily”?

If you have confidence in yourself and your abilities or you want to boost your confidence level, then this article is for you.

Read on….

With Confidence, you’re more likely to try different things and take risks—ask your boss for a raise or promotion, approach an attractive guy or girl in public, or start working out.

Confidence is something that is often easy to notice in people, but is difficult to figure out what exactly it is they’re doing that is making them so visibly confident.

Here are 8 things that confident people do regularly and that you can implement immediately to start building your confidence.

1. Listen

Confident people listen and hear what others have to say. This is a way to remain open-minded and understand others’ perspectives. One of the best tips I was ever told was to listen to someone’s viewpoint and wait at least three seconds to reply. If you reply too soon, you’re defending your response or replying with your own thoughts and it’s likely that you didn’t actually listen—you were concentrated on your perspective. As you wait to reply, the other person is also more likely to reveal more about themselves. Next time you feel the urge to reply immediately in a conversation, stop, wait for three seconds, and really let that other person’s words sink in.

2. Smile

Something as simple as smiling more can do wonders to improve your mood and stress levels. Smiling makes your brain feel like you are happy, which in turn projects positivity to the rest of your body. Next time you are walking down the street or around the halls at school or work, smile at the first person you see and notice the change in your mood.

3. Encourage others

Confident people are aware of their abilities and don’t feel threatened by others. Instead, confident people encourage others to be successful and inspire others to seek out beneficial opportunities. Next time someone approaches you—a coworker, friend, colleague—about an opportunity they have or are interested in, encourage and inspire them to go through with it.

4. Ask about others

Confident people don’t feel the need to talk about themselves every chance they get. Yes, they want to be heard, but they don’t feel a need to prove themselves. This confidence allows them to get to know another person quicker, as they are making that person feel like the most important person in the room. Next time you’re talking to someone you don’t know (or barely know), try to keep the conversation about them while being genuine. To do this, use a mental framework called FORGE: family, occupation, relationships, goals, environment. Once you find something that they seem passionate about or that you have in common, go further on that topic. Once a person realizes you’re genuinely interested in them, they are more likely to open up.

5. Think confidently

Thinking confidently may seem obvious or easy, but it’s important (and sometimes harder than you’d think). To think confidently, try remembering a time when you felt confident in a situation. Maybe after you received a compliment from someone after your last presentation, you felt great about yourself and confident in your skills. Before you give your next presentation or speech, remember how this felt, and remember that other people saw how well you performed previously—this lets your brain know you are more than capable of succeeding because you’ve done it before.

6. Dress for success

This may seem vain, but the way you dress impacts how you feel. Think about it— you don’t put on dress clothes to lounge around all day, watching Netflix. So, the same holds true if you want to feel confident. Next time you go into a situation where you need to feel confident (a presentation, negotiation, crucial conversation, etc.) wear clean, well-kept clothes that fit properly and notice how more confident you feel.

8. Meditate

Meditation is one of the best ways to improve your presence, and presence is one of the key contributors of charisma. Confident people have great awareness of the situation around them and they focus all their energy and attention on those they are talking with. Meditating opens your mind to feeling in the moment, and when you’re in the moment it’s easier to see your abilities and skills in action, which can help you to feel more confident in yourself. Meditating can improve your mindfulness and make you more aware of your own thoughts. If you can recognize your thoughts, you’re able to catch the negative ones before they manifest in your body and turn them into positive thoughts, which will help you to feel more confident.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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6 SECRETS YOU SHOULD NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

“Have you ever told someone more they need to know “?

“Have you had a phone conversation and right after you regret saying more than you should”?

Well, you are not alone….. This article is just for you,

Continue reading….

Truth is Lots of us have a bad habit of wearing our hearts on our sleeves. This can make us an open book even to strangers. We definitely don’t want that – mystery is the spice of life, after all. Keeping a clear distinction between your personal life and your professional life is a difficult (but very important) skill to master. You have to be very picky who you share your secrets with, because, unfortunately, not everyone has good intentions.

Importantly, you need to be careful to make sure that the details of your personal life can’t be used to hurt you. It’s useful to have a basic list of certain personal information you should never share with others. If you don’t know how to make your own list, we’re here to help. In fact, we’ve combined some secrets you should always try to keep to yourself, no matter how strong the urge to share them with everyone.

According to Joan Collins; “The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.”

HERE ARE 6 SECRETS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

1. Past Resentments

We all have negative stories about our personal life to tell about people we don’t like. (Remember those schoolmates or former colleagues that you held a grudge against years ago – and maybe still do? Yeah, same here.) It’s always best to let go of these feelings and discuss them as little as you can in public. This is for you as much as for others, because negativity is exhausting. Not just to feel but also to listen to. People prefer communicating with positive conversation partners, those who have interesting insights to provide – not ones who gripe about some other people they don’t even know. Let go of whatever’s weighing you down. Try to focus on the present and you’ll find that more and more people will be keen to talk to you.

2. Material Belongings

As we all know, certain things in life are far more important than their cost. But sometimes, we can’t help but brag about the new car we have, or the new phone we just bought at an exclusive price. As much as Parks and Recreation might tell you otherwise, your colleagues don’t want to know about how you’ve been treating yourself. It can make you come off as arrogant and overly obsessed with the monetary value of things rather than their unique significance. Modesty is a wonderful accessory. You should try and spread it throughout your conversations.

3. Goals for the Future

You might find this unlikely, but there is actually science behind the fact that you’re much more likely to achieve your long-term goals if you don’t share them with others. When you tell others about your future aspirations, you almost feel as if the enjoyment of achieving the goal has been taken from you. As a result, you don’t work as hard towards it. If you keep your goals to yourself, however, you have a much higher chance of achieving them. And once you have done that, feel free to tell the whole world about it.

4. Your Income

Only one group of people should be allowed to know the details of your income: the people who work in your bank. Money is never a nice subject to talk about in public because you never know what anyone’s financial situation looks like. It may seem like you’re bragging without meaning to. Money – and knowledge about finances – can shift relationships irreparably. Once your financial situation becomes public knowledge, people just start looking at you differently without being able to help it. To save yourself from that kind of awkward situation, keep the details of your income to your bank statements.

5. Good Deeds

You may have heard that good deeds always attract good karma. That’s true, and you should never be discouraged from doing good – however, if you start bragging about it, it takes on a whole different perspective. Once you brag about something good that you’ve done, you’re making it all about yourself, thus invalidating the good that you’ve already created. Many of the greatest philanthropists in the world remain anonymous for a very good reason. When you do a charitable deed, you want the attention to be on the people or the cause that you’re helping and not on yourself.

6. Family Problems

Whether it’s your extended family or your blood relatives, keep the problems in the family. Don’t abuse people’s trust. You’ve been told those secrets because you are close to these people, but they haven’t allowed you to spread them around to everyone in your social circle. They confided in you, and breaking that confidence is the worst thing you could possibly do. Be respectful of other people’s secrets. In return, you can expect for them to treat you the same

– Esther Ijewere™©

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7 SIGNS SOMEONE IS JEALOUS OF YOU (AND HOW TO FIX IT)

“Have you ever felt like a friend or family is jealous of you”?

“Do you have friends who love to compete with you”?

Nothing feels worse than achieving a goal or becoming successful in an endeavor and discovering that the people around you don’t feel proud or positive about it – but rather, they feel jealous. A person’s jealous feelings can cause them to act unkindly towards us, especially in the face of our own achievements or success.

Everyone has felt this unpleasant emotion at least once in their lives, and most likely much more than that. It seems much harder to deal with when other people feel jealous towards us, though. After all, we can control how we feel, but we can’t control other people’s emotions. Recognizing the signs that someone is jealous of you can be the first step to fixing it.

Here are 7 signs if someone’s jealous of you ;

1. Downplay your Success

No matter what you achieve or how hard you worked to do so, jealous people will always try to make it seem like it was a fluke, or that you didn’t work as hard as you did to achieve your success. The reasons that they come up with may be rude or condescending. Rising to their bait will only make them more likely to talk poorly. Stay humble but firm in your achievements. If you brag, they may be more likely to stay jealous of you.

“People who will envy you the most are the ones who are in need the most of what you possess,” says M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

2. False Praise

When someone is jealous of you, they’re often the first to give you a compliment that sounds sincere, or seems to be dripping with passive aggression. However, you’ll find that these people will be rolling their eyes the minute you leave the room.

They would rather pretend they’re not jealous than address the issue. One way to turn it back around is to give them sincere compliments when something good happens to them. It may help them see that you’re a genuine person, and help curb their jealousy.

3. Flaunting their Success

Someone who is jealous of you may be more inclined to flaunt their success more than it’s really worth flaunting. They may be more inclined to flaunt their own achievements while you’re celebrating your own. These are the type of people to get engaged at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because chances are, they’re not as successful as you are. Author Bob Bly states, “There are always people who are filled with negative thoughts — not only about others whom they envy (you) but also about themselves and their perceived failure to having achieved their goals (which are often to own their own business or be richer than they are).”

While it may be frustrating, getting upset is only going to make them feel more justified in their behavior. Instead, offer them sincere praise in their achievements. Leading by example is a good way to alter someone’s behavior.

4. They’re are Imitating You

Someone who is jealous of you alternatively wants to be better than you, and also be just like you. They may imitate the way you talk or the way you dress in order to feel better about themselves. Instead of allowing this to upset you, try to encourage them to go their own way. When they’re doing their own thing, give them positive reinforcement. Show them that they don’t have to be you to be great, and that they can be their own person.

5. They’re are competitive

Jealous people tend to be highly competitive, because they always want to be the one reaping the success or as clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says, they are “either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority.”

While it can be tempting to take them down a peg, refuse to make the competition unhealthy, or even refuse to participate. If they try to argue with you about a job promotion, just simply tell them: “It isn’t a competition.” Refusing to play into their game will make them less likely to try and continue to one up you.

jealousy

6. Celebrating your failures

Someone who is jealous is going to privately feel very good about when you make mistakes, or get reprimanded or corrected at work or school. While they may never show it, they’re often secretly enjoying your failures. Handle your mistakes with grace! You can always remind them that making mistakes are part of life and learning. If you’re not upset, they’re not getting the enjoyment out of it that they thought they would.

7. They gossip behind your back

Jealous people will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. It’s not fun, and the things they say can be malicious and hurtful. The best way to deal with someone who does this may be just to confront them directly.

Since jealous people don’t tend to be outwardly confrontational, talking to them seriously about what they’re doing may be enough to get them to rethink their behavior, or to get it to stop entirely.

My final thoughts

Dealing with someone else’s jealousy can be a tricky situation. You may feel the desire to just tell them off. But, dealing with a jealous person in a non-confrontational and positive manner is ultimately better for both you and the other person. They may feel a lot of self-esteem issues that they need to work through, and getting upset with them won’t fix or deal with their jealous tendencies. Knowing the signs of a jealous person will make it easier to fix and handle in a positive and productive manner.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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6 SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO YOU

If you are looking for a long-term partner, job, or more friends, you will have to make them attracted to you. Here are the 7 simple ways to make people attracted to you without turning them off.

1. BE CONFIDENT, BUT NOT ARROGANT

First, it is important that you are confident about yourself. Being proud of who you are and liking your characteristics is one of the keys to make people like you. This also includes being sociable, being able to go along with the conversation and being smart when talking. Confidence is attractive, but you have to remember not to be conceited or arrogant as you might only push people away from you.

2.SENSE OF HUMOR

People who are funny are known to be intelligent and sociable. Most people are looking for this characteristic when searching for romance or friends. Even if someone is not interested in you, you can grab their attention by making them laugh.

3.ASK DEEP QUESTIONS

Cut the unnecessary conversations and start asking them deeper questions. This can make them personally connected to you and you can tell them something deep as well.

4. DON’T FORGET TO SMILE

You can easily make someone comfortable talking or having long conversations with you when you smile often. Of course, smiling is the easiest way to tell other people, “hey, don’t hesitate to talk to me, I’m friendly.”

5. EYE CONTACT

Making eye contact to a person makes you appear to be dominant and confident. This also makes you appear clever. You can also pair it with a strong handshake and you would totally nail it!

6.DRESS PROPERLY

When trying to make people attracted to you, it is important that you give attention to how you dress. Most people give definition to the clothes a person wears. It can be a definition associated to success or personality so if you want to make people notice you or attracted to you, make sure that you dress well.

Let me also add HAVE MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU

People who are in groups tend to be more attractive. This is because it shows you that you are sociable and you can easily connect to other people. Having many people around you makes you look more attractive.

Kindly like, follow and drop your comments… *winks* . I will be glad to hear from you.

Esther Ijewere

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4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A PEOPLE PLEASER

Do you find it hard to say No?

Do you obsess about what others think of you?

Do you seek validation for everything and from everyone?

Do you feel sad when you disappoint others even at the detriment of your mental health?

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser and this article is just for you.

Incase you ask how I know these things, It’s because I was a people pleaser (Still recovery though lol) for the longest time till I worked on myself and focused on the rule of “Self before others”.

Here are 3 common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You feel sad When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true. Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

3. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries like my old self . You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth. Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

4. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you? Oh dear, this was me for many years, oops!

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have diverse opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

Also, If you sometimes feel resentful towards others and you don’t know why….

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

By Esther Ijewere

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In Editor's Choice By

#HAIRNETCHALLENGE: ESTHER IJEWERE PROMOTES SELF-LOVE THROUGH “HAIR NET”

On August 18, Esther Ijewere, Social Entrepreneur and Founder of Rubies Ink Initiative, posted a picture of her makeup free face with a hairnet on her head, with a goofy caption to promote self love.

See post below:

 

The goofy post apparently didn’t sit well with a ‘concerned’ Facebook follower who believed a ‘woman of class’ shouldn’t be posting a picture with hairnet, so she sent a lengthy message to rebuke Esther.

See the message below:

I woke up to this 👇👇👇 in my Inbox. I removed the names of the people she mentioned to avoid conflict.

“Esther I have been seeing your post and to be candid I am highly disappointed in you and I have to bear my mind as someone who I’ve been following you for at least 8 years.

Your last post with the Hair net comes in very bad taste for woman of class. I wanted to reach out last week as well when you posted about the Fuji guy and wondered if your account had been hacked , then I saw you responding to comments.

This is very disappointing for a women’s advocate. Please pull down the photo and picture. People like ××××××××× won’t do this. Go on their timeline and see what they share daily to Inspire other women.

I just felt I should say this as I have been bothered, even had to talk to ×××××××× since you seem close to her and asked her to pass the message.

Have a good evening dear.”

That message inspired the #HairnetChallenge. Esther created a plot twist out of the message by launching the #HairnetChallenge to preach self love and encourage women to be themselves.

With the likes of Patricia Nwanyioma Sparkle, Defunke Adewunmi, Rahmatallahi Muh Awwal, and Olasunkanmi Momooreoluwa championing the Challenge by posting pictures of them wearing their hairnets, more people were encouraged to upload pictures of them proudly wearing their hairnets.

See photos below:

Patricia Nwanyioma Sparkle

 

Olasunkanmi Momooreoluwa

 

Rahmatallahi Muh Awwal

 

A man also particiapated on behalf of his girlfriend

 

Omolabake Bode Matthew, Bims Oreofe, Defunke Adewunmi, Sparkle Diva, Patricia Nwanyioma Sparkle, and other anonymous donors, all donated rewards in cash and kind to winners of the #HairnetChallenge.

At the end of the challenge, Kehinde Bukola won with 131 Facebook likes. 2nd winner was Ononye Lauretta Onyeka, and the 3rd winner was Blessing Awulotu Felix. The winners all got their rewards in cash and kind.

 

At the end of the Challenge, a whole lot of women were left feeling more proud of and loving themselves the more, which was the sole purpose of the Challenge.

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ESTHER IJEWERE : DON’T BE ASHAMED TO SEEK HELP WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED

At exactly 10:42pm on 8th of March 2017, I wrote “Heaven I need a Hug” on my wall , perhaps I needed a hug considering the fact that I have several back logs and I was stressed at the time, but beyond that I wanted to see how people will respond , I wasn’t disappointed with the number of e-hugs I received within thirty minutes BUT two friends had to slide to my inbox and asked me to put down the post, one said it showed too much emotions and the other said “you are too strong to be perceived like a weak woman Esther , bring it down its not good for your brand”. Wetin concern personal brand with emotions ogini?

This is exactly the reason why people suffer and die in silence , imagine if all the people who committed suicide recently  put up a post similar to mine just to let people know they need help and get  such response from their friends?

Please let’s allow people express themselves on social media the way and manner they like, as a matter of fact I want to encourage anyone who is down, depressed or about to give it all up , put up a post and let’s know what you are going through , sometimes the closet people to us are our biggest problem and you cant tell your problem to a problem, it’s fine to seek help on Facebook or any other social media platform or other direct means.

Feel free to write messages such as :

“I am Depressed”
“I need help”
“I need to talk to someone ”
“Please help”
“I need a therapist”
“I need a counsellor ”
Etc etc etc

Just express yourself however you feel and I am sure someone out there will reach out to you. I am positive we have good people who truly care in Nigeria, all you need to reach them is to SPEAK UP!

I have been down that road before, and it’s not just being depressed because life happened or stress, I was in my world, the over analysing and over thinking stage where you feel living isn’t worth it anymore,  and I don’t pray to ever go there again, I was in self denial of my state of mind till a true friend who didn’t judge me asked that I seek help from a therapist . I am a survivor, no shame at all, and a proud Mental health advocate for She Writes Woman

If you need to talk to someone about your problems please reach out to the following people: Hauwa Ojeifo, Oyinkansola Alabi, Praise Fowowe , Laila St. Matthew-Daniel, Pamela Udoka.

I have a listening ear , I will give you a hug, give you my time and attention, walk you through the process but sadly I can’t offer you the professional help you need like the above mentioned persons. Please don’t die in silence , reach out, SPEAK UP and don’t let depression and suicide win.

Kindly add names of other therapist in the comment section ???.

Please seek help….

You are not alone…..

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