self development Archives

In self development February 25, 2019 By Women of Rubies

ACTRESS, FOLUKE DARAMOLA OPENS UP ON HOW BEING RAPED AT A YOUNG AGE INFLUENCED HER ROLE AS A MOTHER

Few years ago, actress Foluke Daramola-Salako, revealed she was raped when she was much younger. In a new interview with Punch, the actress recounted how the experience made her become a better mother to her own daughter.

“I always enlighten my daughter about how some men can be when it comes to sex. Even when I am not around her, she always cautions men when they try to touch her in a way she is not comfortable with. She tells me when she feels harassed by a man. She is out of the country at the moment, and people always call me to ask me how I trained her.

“In my days as a young woman, I couldn’t discuss sex with my mum. Even till now, I still cannot do that because of the orientation I had as a young girl. If my daughter should get deflowered today, she will tell me because we are friends. I started discussing sex education with my daughter when she was six. I didn’t feel it was too early because she had a rapid growth.

“I was raped by my tenant because he thought I was older than my actual age. I am comfortable with my daughter being around men because I have educated her,” she said.

Foluke went on to say that the Federal government needs to enact a law whereby rapists are killed once convicted.

“I believe the government should pass a law against rape; rapists should be killed when they are caught. I don’t call myself a rape victim, but a rape victor. Rape victims become a shadow of themselves; they have no form of self-esteem, some of them even take their lives. When it happened to me, I thank God I had friends who helped me recover fast. “When I came out to say it, people were shocked, but I am happy that after my interview, people started coming out to talk about their experience. It has been happening; it is just that people don’t talk about it. An abuser is always a product of an abuse. I’ll advise parents to always pay attention to their children and listen to them,” she said

Credit: LIB

In self development February 23, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NORTH WEST LANDS FIRST SOLO MAGAZINE COVER AT AGE 5

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s daughter North West has landed her very first solo magazine cover, at age 5.

The cover is for WWD and the issue explores Generation Z and Generation Alpha, and their impact on the global beauty industry.

Talking about the cover, the magazine says:

She embodies the upcoming youthquake, having captivated the digital realm with her cross-generational appeal. Without a public Instagram or YouTube channel of her own, she’s too young to fully understand what a digital footprint is. And yet, hers is already wildly popular.

See the cover below.

For more of North, visit WWD.com.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development February 22, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

NASILELE MUNYANDI: SUBMISSION

There are many myths surrounding the term “submission” in the world today, many look at submission as a point of weakness, a point of slavery, and a place of discomfort, hence it becomes one position many don’t want to be found in.Today we look at submission from a different angle, one which may help many women not to fall short nor prey to those ahead or above them.

Submission is defined as an action of accepting or yielding to a superior force, or the will or authority of another person. And with this definition, the world today uses a certain language and tone when addressing women about submission, it is said that submission takes away your voice and will power, in turn makes one a slave, this can’t entirely be blamed on the world or society at large .But due to the fact that we live in a male dominated world and 75% of decisions are made by men. Submission from a different perspective would help us as women have a respected voice and our plight heard. I recently finished reading Michelle Obamas, “Becoming”, and in her acknowledgements, she thanks Barack for continued support and companionship, and we read in her book how Barack plays a role in her becoming the woman she is today. Michelle Obama is a woman many young women and girls look up to, and want to emulate, and this brought me to a point of looking at submission in a way very different, a way of getting support, getting a push from another and having someone support your dreams and ambitions, while they hope you become the best version of yourself.

Growing up in urban Zambia, I have seen so many women move from being a house wife to getting an education through the support of their spouces,I for one was a junior accounts clerk reporting to a management accountant who through my submitting to his authority and instruction ,gave me an opportunity to learn and improve more in my work, I was trained and equipped to take up many accounting tasks and was made ready to deliver anywhere, yes there are tough days, days you feel the pressure, days you feel the teaching is tough, but the attitude used in the process of submission will either build or crush your growth, and it builds capacity in that you don’t only better yourself but rather you learn traits that the people who have gone ahead of you , only you can make them better and work to your own growth. Submission starts in our homes ,at an early age, we are taught how to walk, to eat, to clean wash and take care of ourselves, we receive guidance on how to make sound decisions, that will help us become better people, and because we submit to that counsel we grow in mind and soul. Secondly in our professional or rather the market place, we have our bosses or directors, and supervisors who at times, we feel push us too hard, especially at a time we feel we have done enough and our best, we tend to resist, but if we did our part with the right attitude and look at them as our teachers, as people that want to see us maximize our potential, not just for the organizations but for our personal growth, we will embrace these lessons. The third place where submission is mostly misinterpreted in a life of a woman is in a love relationship.be it in marriage or courtship. I am a newly married, and a working wife, my personal experience in terms, submission has taught me a lot, it has brought me to a point of knowing my strength and limits, through taking into consideration the needs of my husband and daily taking care of his needs, which in turn has given me a different kind of perspective, he supports my endeavors and pushes me to not hold back but rather go for my dreams. Lastly I sit under the training and mentorship of a great woman of God; she is a wife, a pastor, mother and mentor, not forgetting an entrepreneur.

She is a strong woman but submits to her husband and takes counsel from those who have gone ahead of her in spiritual and personal matters, I have learnt from her zeal and approach, I see how she becomes stronger and better. I each day look at the queen of England who runs the greatest Monarchy in the world, yet married for 70 years and heeds counsel from her husband, looking at all these amazing women, all the superiors I have come across in career ,social and spiritual circles brought me to a conclusion that a place of submission doesn’t take anything away from us as women, but rather can be used as a process to learn and improve, through the lessons and advice of our superiors and predecessors, My encouragement to a girl out there, a woman who seeks to grow, don’t always look at submission as a place of denial, but rather learn from those who are above you ,and use the lessons for your growth and empowerment.

About Nasilele

Nasilele is a Zambian writer and account assistant with a reputable company in her home country.

Photo credit: betrendsetter.com

In self development February 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

LOLO CYNTHIA: THE SEXUAL DOUBLE STANDARD

I recently went out with a friend who had invited me for drinks with his other friends. They were all men, Igbo men to be precise.

One of the friends had invited a lady over, a lady he referred to as “my wife”. I said hello to her but soon observed a wedding band on her finger. She was married, but not to this man!

By the way, it is important that I add that all the men present were married. Yes! Including my friend

But regardless of that fact, I found myself for a brief second judging the lady. How can a married woman boldly come out to drink us and her boyfriend? I thought to myself. This bar was not a fancy set up, it was a local pub aka joint; where random men and women went to have fun and misbehave.

In the middle of all this, I stopped myself. I began to question myself. Why did I judge this woman so harshly? All the men are married but I am not taking offense at them or specifically at the man who called this woman his wife; who was bolding moving around with a married woman.

Then I looked at myself. Am I any better? I am here in public drinking with four married men. Why do I think I should be spared? Is it because I am not married? I am a single lady drinking in the midst of men; isn’t that worse?

It was in this moment that I became aware of my sexual double standard. I realized that sometimes, we all carry these beliefs that seek to hold women captive. The belief that men seek lust and women seek love, so because of this women should uphold superior self-control.

I realized that I had expected the woman, as a married woman to have more self-respect, whilst easily forgiving and recognizing that behavior as acceptable for the married man. This! I am aware stems from the fact that we assume that men have no shame and are more likely to misbehave, so because of this we demand that women should hold the fort; to be the ones with self-control.

However, what we fail to realize is that this assumption is an insult to men and shows a lack of agency and autonomy for women. The idea of sainthood for women robs us of our humanity; it refuses to acknowledge that we have a full spectrum of emotions and behavior patterns, whilst reinforcing the idea that men are inherently bad. This is one reason we continue to label men as abusers and women as victims.

This double standard is something I believe many of us carry deep within us.

Why should I expect the woman to do better and accept that the man can’t do better? Why did I believe that woman was shaming herself in public but the man gained a certain street credibility?

This is something I recognize with affairs as well. We often tell the women to hands off the men like the men had no part in making that decision; we find it harder to forgive the women but in a blink of an eye, we accept the men back because deep down, we believe they can’t do better.

And the irony of this is the fact that many men believe this works in their favor; the fact that they can misbehave and still be accepted. However, there’s a deeper issue here. I have to ask the men; why do they accept you back without seeking that you do better? Could it be because they believe there’s nothing better you have to offer?

This, in my opinion, is one of the reasons many people carry the belief that men cannot turn down sex, because as usual, they can’t do better. “Men will be Men” – a statement that reinforces the idea that men lack self- control and have a lower moral compass.

I would call this an insult and a slap on the face of men, but after many years of men embracing this stereotype in a bid to justify their actions; how do you believe we can rectify this sexual double standard??

Lolo Cynthia Is a public health specialist, sexuality educator and founder of the social enterprise LoloTalks, that employs all forms of media (online and offline) to create awareness and sustainable solutions to our contemporary social and health issues in Africa. She also doubles as a documentary and talk show producer and lends her voice on issues regarding interpersonal relationships, sexuality, gender, and social issues through her YouTube channel LoloTalks and her blog.

In self development February 19, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MOCHEDDAH UNVEILS MENTAL HEALTH PLATFORM CALLED ‘JUST BE BRAVE NG’

Singer and Fashion Designer, Mocheddah once revealed that she battled with clinical depression. She has now launched her very own mental health platform called “Just be Brave NG”.

She says:

My name is @mocheddah
I was diagnosed with clinical depression over 7 years ago .
I have come a long way with the help of my faith , therapy and medication.
I have developed a deep passion for spreading awareness on all things mental health …
This is a fun , open , no secret page , no judgements platform.
we also have in house therapists that can help answer questions.
we are a group of BRAVE magical individuals.
Welcome to “Just Be Brave NG”

According to Mo’Cheddah:

@justbebraveng is my new baby .
It’s my mental health freedom page .
I found so much freedom when I came clean about my clinical depression,
I want so many other people to feel that freedom as well.. To live without fear.
To own our wounds
To forgive ourselves.
Am I scared ? A little
Am I nervous ? yes
Am I excited? Absofreakinlutely

Find out more about the platform here.

Credit: Bella Naija

In Career Gems March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Meet Samke Mhlongo, South Africa’s Most-Sought-After Financial Coach

32-year old private banker turned wealth coach Samke Mhlongo is best described as a leading South African Wealth Coach, and founder of The Next Chapter (“TNC”) Wealth Partners.

TNC is a wealth coaching and financial wellness training consultancy whose strategic intent is to usher in the next chapter in the African wealth narrative by providing services that foster wealth creation in professionals, entrepreneurs and influencers that are income-rich but asset-poor.

Samke is also a corporate speaker, MC and panel moderator whose standing clients include Anglo American and Standard Bank; regular media commentator on eNews Channel Africa, Talk Radio 702and Metro FM; resident financial columnist for BONA magazine; financial inclusion champion of the Graca Machel Trust; and author of a children’s entrepreneurship book titled Zuki & Friends, commissioned for the Blue Ribbon Mmmm Yum Kidz Tuckshop program.

Samke holds an Accounting degree from the University of Cape Town, Postgraduate Diploma in Management from the Wits Business School, and an MBA from the same college completed with a dissertation titled Factors contributing to over-indebtedness of black South African females.

Samke who currently serves as the youngest board member of state-owned mineral research technology agency MINTEK, and sits on its Audit & Risk Committee, has been described by CNBC Africa described Samke as a ‘personal finance goddess’.

In self development February 17, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

#MONDAYMOTIVATION: HOW TO DEAL WITH PROCRASTINATION

I call this little strategy the “2–Minute Rule” and the goal is to make it easier for you to get started on the things you should be doing.

Here’s the deal…

Most of the tasks that you procrastinate on aren’t actually difficult to do — you have the talent and skills to accomplish them — you just avoid starting them for one reason or another.

The 2–Minute Rule overcomes procrastination and laziness by making it so easy to start taking action that you can’t say no.

There are two parts to the 2–Minute Rule…

Part 1 — If it takes less than two minutes, then do it now.

Part I comes from David Allen’s bestselling book, Getting Things Done.

It’s surprising how many things we put off that we could get done in two minutes or less. For example, washing your dishes immediately after your meal, tossing the laundry in the washing machine, taking out the garbage, cleaning up clutter, sending that email, and so on.

If a task takes less than two minutes to complete, then follow the rule and do it right now.

Part 2 — When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.

Can all of your goals be accomplished in less than two minutes? Obviously not.

But, every goal can be started in 2 minutes or less. And that’s the purpose behind this little rule.

It might sound like this strategy is too basic for your grand life goals, but I beg to differ. It works for any goal because of one simple reason: the physics of real life.

The Physics of Real Life

As Sir Isaac Newton taught us a long time ago, objects at rest tend to stay at rest and objects in motion tend to stay in motion. This is just as true for humans as it is for falling apples.

The 2–Minute Rule works for big goals as well as small goals because of the inertia of life. Once you start doing something, it’s easier to continue doing it. I love the 2–Minute Rule because it embraces the idea that all sorts of good things happen once you get started.

Want to become a better writer? Just write one sentence (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll often find yourself writing for an hour.

Want to eat healthier? Just eat one piece of fruit (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll often find yourself inspired to make a healthy salad as well.

Want to make reading a habit? Just read the first page of a new book (2–Minute Rule), and before you know it, the first three chapters have flown by.

Want to run three times a week? Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, just get your running shoes on and get out the door (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll end up putting mileage on your legs instead of popcorn in your stomach.

The most important part of any new habit is getting started — not just the first time, but each time. It’s not about performance, it’s about consistently taking action. In many ways, getting started is more important than succeeding. This is especially true in the beginning because there will be plenty of time to improve your performance later on.

The 2–Minute Rule isn’t about the results you achieve, but rather about the process of actually doing the work. It works really well for people who believe that the system is more important than the goal. The focus is on taking action and letting things flow from there.

Try It Now

I can’t guarantee whether or not the 2–Minute Rule will work for you. But, I can guarantee that it will never work if you never try it.

The problem with most articles you read, podcasts you listen to, or videos you watch is that you consume the information but never put it into practice.

I want this article to be different. I want you to actually use this information, right now.

What’s something you can do that will take you less than two minutes? Do it right now.

Anyone can spare the next 120 seconds. Use this time to get one thing done. Go.

credit: James Clear; www.jamesclear.com

In self development February 16, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE’S BOOK ‘AMERICANAH’ RECOMMENDED AS ONE OF ‘THE BEST LOVE STORIES IN LITERATURE’ ON TODAY SHOW

Buzzfeed Books‘ founding editor, Isaac Fitzgerald has recommended Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s book, Americanah as one of “the best love stories in literature”.

Fitzgerald, who appeared recently on Today Show alongside author Jasmine Guillory, nominated Adichie’s work while selecting his four picks.

Each of the show’s attendees selected four books apiece, while presenter Savannah Guthrie added extra three picks.

Adichie’s work was recommended alongside Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte amongst others.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development February 15, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“YOU WILL NOT HEAL BY GOING BACK TO WHAT BROKE YOU” -DABOTA LAWSON

Beauty entrepreneur, Dabota Lawson in a post shared on her Instagram page, advised people with broken relationships not force it because of the pressures which Valentine’s day brings.

She wrote;

You will not heal by going back to what broke you . Don’t send that text and don’t make that call ,Love yourself and Ignore the pressure of today. Happy Valentine’s day

See more photos below.

Credit: LIB

21 Comments

In self development February 15, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

HOW TO STAY POSITIVE AFTER BREAKING UP

As you fall more and more in love, there’s a chance something will come along that sabotages this connection. Maybe it’s a communication issue, or something more serious, such as infidelity or family problems. No matter how hard the couple tries to salvage the relationship, it can still ultimately end in a breakup…and heartache.

Depending on why you and your love broke up, here are tips to feeling positive and as happy as possible after your relationship ends:

Breaking up because you’re incompatible

Many relationships end because the couple is not compatible in one or more ways. Maybe you want marriage but he doesn’t. Maybe he’s not willing to move for your work. Whatever the reason, coming to a point where you realize you both just aren’t compatible usually occurs after the infatuation stage starts to fade. You both realize that the kisses and handholding was really all there was to this relationship.

You’ll undoubtedly feel like breaking up was the best option, but you’ll still feel heartbroken. Here are ways to heal after breaking off an incompatible relationship:

Relax and realize the breakup is no one’s fault – some people are not meant to be together.

Make your life exciting again by getting back into your hobbies and interests (and finding new ones).

When friends or family ask about the relationship, don’t talk negatively about your former parter. Simply explain why you broke up, then change the subject.

It will take time to heal, but knowing that the relationship wouldn’t have worked anyway will help you feel positive.

Ending a miserable relationship

If the relationship is miserable, breaking up is the right thing to do. It can still take its toll on one or both people because it wasnt all bad. A miserable relationship can mean many things: maybe you need more independence or just can’t stand being around someone who is so negative.

Even if the relationship was miserable, there were parts that made you happy which will make the breakup tough. Be sure to do the following to heal after breaking off a miserable relationship:

Lean on family and friends and accept their kind words.

Avoid more misery by giving in or begging the other person to change.

Find a passion that will replace being miserable. Some people may enjoy volunteering and others may want to get a pet.

When infidelity ends a relationship

One of the most common causes of a breakup is because of infidelity. If one partner was unfaithful and the other has a difficult time forgiving, a breakup usually follows. The person who was unfaithful needs to take responsibility and figure out how to prevent this from happening again in future relationships. The person who remained faithful should learn from the experience without developing bitterness that will prevent a happy, loving relationship after taking time to heal.

Here are ways to stay positive after breaking off an unfaithful relationship:

Never take the blame for the other person being unfaithful. If there was a problem, it should have been discussed and not “solved” by seeking love outside the relationship.

Take stock of personal, positive attributes – learn to see the good in yourself.

Get support from counseling.

Build an ego without being too self-centered. This may involve taking a class and learning something new or getting a makeover.

Make (and achieve) personal and positive goals.

After a breakup, everyone needs time to heal. Whether the relationship ended because of incompatibility, being miserable or infidelity, it’s a good idea to focus on personal positives before getting involved in another relationship. Use these tips to help you heal, stay positive and move past your heartbreak.

Source: https://familyshare.com/27456/how-to-stay-positive-after-breaking-up

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