self development Archives

In self development February 19, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MOCHEDDAH UNVEILS MENTAL HEALTH PLATFORM CALLED ‘JUST BE BRAVE NG’

Singer and Fashion Designer, Mocheddah once revealed that she battled with clinical depression. She has now launched her very own mental health platform called “Just be Brave NG”.

She says:

My name is @mocheddah
I was diagnosed with clinical depression over 7 years ago .
I have come a long way with the help of my faith , therapy and medication.
I have developed a deep passion for spreading awareness on all things mental health …
This is a fun , open , no secret page , no judgements platform.
we also have in house therapists that can help answer questions.
we are a group of BRAVE magical individuals.
Welcome to “Just Be Brave NG”

According to Mo’Cheddah:

@justbebraveng is my new baby .
It’s my mental health freedom page .
I found so much freedom when I came clean about my clinical depression,
I want so many other people to feel that freedom as well.. To live without fear.
To own our wounds
To forgive ourselves.
Am I scared ? A little
Am I nervous ? yes
Am I excited? Absofreakinlutely

Find out more about the platform here.

Credit: Bella Naija

In Career Gems March 10, 2022 By Women of Rubies

Meet Samke Mhlongo, South Africa’s Most-Sought-After Financial Coach

32-year old private banker turned wealth coach Samke Mhlongo is best described as a leading South African Wealth Coach, and founder of The Next Chapter (“TNC”) Wealth Partners.

TNC is a wealth coaching and financial wellness training consultancy whose strategic intent is to usher in the next chapter in the African wealth narrative by providing services that foster wealth creation in professionals, entrepreneurs and influencers that are income-rich but asset-poor.

Samke is also a corporate speaker, MC and panel moderator whose standing clients include Anglo American and Standard Bank; regular media commentator on eNews Channel Africa, Talk Radio 702and Metro FM; resident financial columnist for BONA magazine; financial inclusion champion of the Graca Machel Trust; and author of a children’s entrepreneurship book titled Zuki & Friends, commissioned for the Blue Ribbon Mmmm Yum Kidz Tuckshop program.

Samke holds an Accounting degree from the University of Cape Town, Postgraduate Diploma in Management from the Wits Business School, and an MBA from the same college completed with a dissertation titled Factors contributing to over-indebtedness of black South African females.

Samke who currently serves as the youngest board member of state-owned mineral research technology agency MINTEK, and sits on its Audit & Risk Committee, has been described by CNBC Africa described Samke as a ‘personal finance goddess’.

In self development February 17, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

#MONDAYMOTIVATION: HOW TO DEAL WITH PROCRASTINATION

I call this little strategy the “2–Minute Rule” and the goal is to make it easier for you to get started on the things you should be doing.

Here’s the deal…

Most of the tasks that you procrastinate on aren’t actually difficult to do — you have the talent and skills to accomplish them — you just avoid starting them for one reason or another.

The 2–Minute Rule overcomes procrastination and laziness by making it so easy to start taking action that you can’t say no.

There are two parts to the 2–Minute Rule…

Part 1 — If it takes less than two minutes, then do it now.

Part I comes from David Allen’s bestselling book, Getting Things Done.

It’s surprising how many things we put off that we could get done in two minutes or less. For example, washing your dishes immediately after your meal, tossing the laundry in the washing machine, taking out the garbage, cleaning up clutter, sending that email, and so on.

If a task takes less than two minutes to complete, then follow the rule and do it right now.

Part 2 — When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.

Can all of your goals be accomplished in less than two minutes? Obviously not.

But, every goal can be started in 2 minutes or less. And that’s the purpose behind this little rule.

It might sound like this strategy is too basic for your grand life goals, but I beg to differ. It works for any goal because of one simple reason: the physics of real life.

The Physics of Real Life

As Sir Isaac Newton taught us a long time ago, objects at rest tend to stay at rest and objects in motion tend to stay in motion. This is just as true for humans as it is for falling apples.

The 2–Minute Rule works for big goals as well as small goals because of the inertia of life. Once you start doing something, it’s easier to continue doing it. I love the 2–Minute Rule because it embraces the idea that all sorts of good things happen once you get started.

Want to become a better writer? Just write one sentence (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll often find yourself writing for an hour.

Want to eat healthier? Just eat one piece of fruit (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll often find yourself inspired to make a healthy salad as well.

Want to make reading a habit? Just read the first page of a new book (2–Minute Rule), and before you know it, the first three chapters have flown by.

Want to run three times a week? Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, just get your running shoes on and get out the door (2–Minute Rule), and you’ll end up putting mileage on your legs instead of popcorn in your stomach.

The most important part of any new habit is getting started — not just the first time, but each time. It’s not about performance, it’s about consistently taking action. In many ways, getting started is more important than succeeding. This is especially true in the beginning because there will be plenty of time to improve your performance later on.

The 2–Minute Rule isn’t about the results you achieve, but rather about the process of actually doing the work. It works really well for people who believe that the system is more important than the goal. The focus is on taking action and letting things flow from there.

Try It Now

I can’t guarantee whether or not the 2–Minute Rule will work for you. But, I can guarantee that it will never work if you never try it.

The problem with most articles you read, podcasts you listen to, or videos you watch is that you consume the information but never put it into practice.

I want this article to be different. I want you to actually use this information, right now.

What’s something you can do that will take you less than two minutes? Do it right now.

Anyone can spare the next 120 seconds. Use this time to get one thing done. Go.

credit: James Clear; www.jamesclear.com

In self development February 16, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE’S BOOK ‘AMERICANAH’ RECOMMENDED AS ONE OF ‘THE BEST LOVE STORIES IN LITERATURE’ ON TODAY SHOW

Buzzfeed Books‘ founding editor, Isaac Fitzgerald has recommended Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s book, Americanah as one of “the best love stories in literature”.

Fitzgerald, who appeared recently on Today Show alongside author Jasmine Guillory, nominated Adichie’s work while selecting his four picks.

Each of the show’s attendees selected four books apiece, while presenter Savannah Guthrie added extra three picks.

Adichie’s work was recommended alongside Kazuo Ishiguro’s The Remains of the Day, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte amongst others.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development February 15, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“YOU WILL NOT HEAL BY GOING BACK TO WHAT BROKE YOU” -DABOTA LAWSON

Beauty entrepreneur, Dabota Lawson in a post shared on her Instagram page, advised people with broken relationships not force it because of the pressures which Valentine’s day brings.

She wrote;

You will not heal by going back to what broke you . Don’t send that text and don’t make that call ,Love yourself and Ignore the pressure of today. Happy Valentine’s day

See more photos below.

Credit: LIB

21 Comments

In self development February 15, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

HOW TO STAY POSITIVE AFTER BREAKING UP

As you fall more and more in love, there’s a chance something will come along that sabotages this connection. Maybe it’s a communication issue, or something more serious, such as infidelity or family problems. No matter how hard the couple tries to salvage the relationship, it can still ultimately end in a breakup…and heartache.

Depending on why you and your love broke up, here are tips to feeling positive and as happy as possible after your relationship ends:

Breaking up because you’re incompatible

Many relationships end because the couple is not compatible in one or more ways. Maybe you want marriage but he doesn’t. Maybe he’s not willing to move for your work. Whatever the reason, coming to a point where you realize you both just aren’t compatible usually occurs after the infatuation stage starts to fade. You both realize that the kisses and handholding was really all there was to this relationship.

You’ll undoubtedly feel like breaking up was the best option, but you’ll still feel heartbroken. Here are ways to heal after breaking off an incompatible relationship:

Relax and realize the breakup is no one’s fault – some people are not meant to be together.

Make your life exciting again by getting back into your hobbies and interests (and finding new ones).

When friends or family ask about the relationship, don’t talk negatively about your former parter. Simply explain why you broke up, then change the subject.

It will take time to heal, but knowing that the relationship wouldn’t have worked anyway will help you feel positive.

Ending a miserable relationship

If the relationship is miserable, breaking up is the right thing to do. It can still take its toll on one or both people because it wasnt all bad. A miserable relationship can mean many things: maybe you need more independence or just can’t stand being around someone who is so negative.

Even if the relationship was miserable, there were parts that made you happy which will make the breakup tough. Be sure to do the following to heal after breaking off a miserable relationship:

Lean on family and friends and accept their kind words.

Avoid more misery by giving in or begging the other person to change.

Find a passion that will replace being miserable. Some people may enjoy volunteering and others may want to get a pet.

When infidelity ends a relationship

One of the most common causes of a breakup is because of infidelity. If one partner was unfaithful and the other has a difficult time forgiving, a breakup usually follows. The person who was unfaithful needs to take responsibility and figure out how to prevent this from happening again in future relationships. The person who remained faithful should learn from the experience without developing bitterness that will prevent a happy, loving relationship after taking time to heal.

Here are ways to stay positive after breaking off an unfaithful relationship:

Never take the blame for the other person being unfaithful. If there was a problem, it should have been discussed and not “solved” by seeking love outside the relationship.

Take stock of personal, positive attributes – learn to see the good in yourself.

Get support from counseling.

Build an ego without being too self-centered. This may involve taking a class and learning something new or getting a makeover.

Make (and achieve) personal and positive goals.

After a breakup, everyone needs time to heal. Whether the relationship ended because of incompatibility, being miserable or infidelity, it’s a good idea to focus on personal positives before getting involved in another relationship. Use these tips to help you heal, stay positive and move past your heartbreak.

Source: https://familyshare.com/27456/how-to-stay-positive-after-breaking-up

In self development February 15, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

NASILELE MUNYANDI: PITY PARTIES (MY KIND OF PARTY)

It was 5 o’clock in the morning of July in 2008,my good friend joy called me to inform me that acca had released results for our June sitting, and she was so excited because of all four papers we sat for ,she cleared all. I was so happy for her and at the same time, a great deal of anxiety filled my whole system. Lying on my bed I couldn’t wait for 8 o’clock so I could go to the nearest café and check for my results. That semester I sat for three papers and I cleared one only, I remember sitting in the internet café ,wondering what to do from that point, how I would break the news to my parents, how I would tell my friends I had failed when they all had cleared their exams.it tore me apart and pushed me into a kind of frustration that awarded me an opportunity to throw the biggest party ever, “the pity party”

I remember how for almost a month all I could do was wonder why me, I felt it was unfair because according to me, I had put in my very best and I deserved to clear, I shut out every possible help to pick myself up and think of the way forward, it was like no one understood what I was going through but myself, I looked at every one as though all they did was mock me and not see my frustration. For a moment I really felt I was entitled to all hurt and pain and everyone should let me enjoy it because it was my pain and hurt, no matter how long it took, I should be left alone in it.

Pity parties may seem ok, and the world knows a woman for hosting the best ones….hahahaha ,but truth be told, we are living in a time where invitations to a pity party are never accepted, cry it out, but wake up, dress up and start over, we live in times where we are constantly reminded that the world owes us nothing, hence when we fall, even on our faces, we need to find courage, and pace to move forward, for those that hurt or disappoint us, for all those that betray us, not even when we feel we need the apology ,will it always come, what we need is to find a place within yourself to dust yourself up and rise up, push until your circumstance move. I recall receiving a call from a friend I least expected, and the question that made me put myself together and get back to the drawing board was, who do you expect to apologize for your failure? And who do you expect to make it right if you won’t own up and do the right thing???i remember their words often when I feel low or rather want to give up, i remember he said, the world owes you no apology nor sympathy, if you need change, there is still a great chance to study hard and make it, but if the music at your pity parties is enjoyable, know you will party yourself into failure and serious depression.

Ladies, we need to get out of our entitlement mode and be willing to put in the hard work, we need to stop expecting the world around us to always understand our plight, mediocrity is slowly being dealt away with, and soon, not even

About Nasilele

Nasilele is a Zambian writer and account assistant with a reputable company in her home country.

In self development February 14, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS HAVE DIED BECAUSE WE NOW HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PHONES THAN WITH PEOPLE” -TOYIN ABRAHAM

Nollywood actress, Toyin Abraham described people in this century as a generation that don’t want a real relationship, in a thought provoking IG post.

According to her, social media has taken over true bonding and it has caused a lack of sincerity, betrayals and depressions.

She posted this picture below to emphasize her point, in which she wrote:

“21st Century, the generation that doesn’t want real relationship. We want that social media relationship that everyone can like and comment on. True bonding are very hard now because, we now converse via DM, Ping, WhatsApp etc and epistle is our new way of expressing our feelings or appreciating people.

A lot of relationship has died because we now have better relationship with our phones than with people. We invest more time into our Instagram profile than we do with our lives. We celebrate our friends/family’s birthdays without knowing how the 365 days that lead up to them was.

Family meetings are now been held via Video calls and WhatsApp group conversations. People come to social media to write a long epistle for eachother, claiming WORLD’S BEST for them. When in actual sense, they know they are nothing close to COMMUNITY’S BEST and their intentions are not to filter them as good, but to impress social media audience.

There’s no relationship without social media anymore and that’s why relationships are no longer sincere; everything is now for the gram😥. We’ve forgotten that, the best thing to hold on to in life is eachother👭 and that’s one of the reasons why depression is getting common☹️.

We’ve built a wall around ourselves against our family and love ones. We share our burdens with riddles on social media instead of talking it out with someone. It has worsen to the extent that, someone about to commit suicide will take to Instagram story to write their suicide note.

I understand it’s hard to find a trustworthy person these days but you still have to trust someone! If you trust them and they betrayed your trust, then it’s not your problem anymore it’s theirs. Let them live the rest of their life with the burden of betrayal.

The best place to lean on is eachother’s shoulders. Don’t let social media steal your love ones from you cuz NOTHING CAN SAVE US FROM DEATH BUT LOVE COULD AT LEAST SAVE US FROM LIFE”.

In self development February 14, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OYIBO HOSANNA: WHY YOU NEED A DETOX

Either as a single or married woman, working class or full time wife, daily you are in contact with harmful organisms, and toxins that pose a threat to your wellbeing.

Detoxification is the cleansing and nourishing the body from the inside out, by removing and eliminating toxins, then feeding your body with healthy nutrients. Our body has a natural detoxification system that functions to clear these toxins, but you can increase its efficiency by timely nutritional and lifestyle changes.

These toxins are in your water, food, and the air you breathe; it’s tough trying to get away from them, but you can have a defense against them. They include metals, chemicals, pollutants, artificial food additives, pesticides, and herbicides.

SIGNS THAT YOUR BODY IS SCREAMING FOR A DETOX

You frequently feel tired and stressed.
You experience unexplained headaches, mental confusion and lack of enthusiasm.
You repetitively feel colds and contract infections.
You have puffy eyes and distress sleeping.
You’re not at your ideal weight and experience irregular menstrual cycle
You have allergic breakouts and blemishes.
You’re exposed to common environmental toxins via smokes, household chemicals (perfumes, shampoos, paints etc.
You consume a high amount of fried foods, fast and processed foods
You always have irregular stomach bloating, indigestion and difficulty in defecating.

If you experience any three or more signs above, a detox is surely needed.

WELLNESS CUES: HOW TO DETOX

Having known the signs to watch out for, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to purify your body? Here are wellness cues on how to cleanse, balance and energize your body.

Increase your Water Intake. Your body basal function is driven by water, hence you can see it as the most valuable tool for detoxifying your body; we are advised to consume a minimum of 3-5 liters of water daily to aid its detoxifying function. Water first in the morning and last at night.
Decide to Eat Rightly. Choose to eat freshly cooked meals with organic fruits and vegetables over processed, fast food, alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, refined sugars, and saturated fats.
Detoxifying your body is not only about what you avoid, but also about what you consume. Fasting and adding natural foods like fiber foods, garlic, vegetable stews, cabbage, lemon, bitter leaf, broccoli and drinking green tea is vital in detoxification.
Develop an exercise and meditation routine to help you sweat out, release toxins through your skin pores, improve your mental attitude positively and boost your body energy levels.
Keep the Environments Air Clean. You can’t control the air in the environment you move in, but you can control the air in your home to reduce the number of smoke fumes, mold, mildew, and other microorganisms that are dangerous to your health.
Visit a Spa. The use of natural green herbs, brushing and oiling of your skin helps your skin peel off old cells and dirt, unclog skin pores to allowing the skin to perspire freely, which in turn stimulates cellular rejuvenation and slows aging.
Body Detox Packs. There are nutritional packs that offer a complete body detox, it is a step-by-step process of drinking health products that focuses on cleansing organs of the excretory systems (lungs, colon, skin, liver, and kidneys) of harmful organisms, chemicals, and toxic metals. Consult your doctor before using any health detox packs.

BENEFITS OF DETOXIFYING

It protects you from disease and refuels your body to maintain optimum health
Helps your body organs rest through fasting
Promotes the ease of elimination of body wastes from the excretory system.
Improves blood flow and mental alertness.
It provides your body with healthy nutrients that protect against free radicals, strengthening the immune system.

The source of many health problems is the toxins that have built up in our bodies over the years; to stay healthy and enjoy total wellbeing, DETOX.

About Hosanna

I am Hosanna Oyibo, a Public Health Coach. I am an avid reader, personal development enthusiast, network marketing professional and a volunteer. I’m also interested in travelling, gardening, and sports. You can read about me and visit my blog with a click on this link https://about.me/hosannaoyibo.

In self development February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

LOLO CYNTHIA: BATTLE OF THE INNER VOICES

4:35 AM- Almost time for Lolo’s 5 am run. She is awake but still laying in bed; her body aches from the workout of last night but she knows she has to run to also release her muscles.

4:45 AM- Sports gear is worn; she’s trying to fit her foot into her sneakers when she hears something.

Lolo 1 – Why are you jogging today? Your body is so sore, rest a bit.

Lolo 2 – Rest? Put on your sneakers and let’s go!

Oh! Oh! They are here again- battle of the inner voices- Who’s going to win this morning, Lolo thinks to herself. She puts on her sneakers, ready to stretch at home before walking to the road to start her run.

Lolo 1 – Babe o! Oya after this stretch why don’t you just do abs at home or something- shea its workout na.

Lolo 2 – Don’t stretch at home; walk to the junction and stretch – It’s a trap! And also, play your favorite motivational audio as you walk to the junction.

I will not stop by Ben Lionel Scott is playing in her earpiece as she walks to the junction- she decides not to do her normal routine stretch but instead substitute it for a light jog as the warm-up.

She begins to jog.

Lolo 1 – This pace no bad o! Why don’t you maintain this pace until the end?

Lolo2 – She’s barely breaking a sweat- what exactly is your mission here? Lolo! Warm up is over – Let’s Run!

She is tired, she wants to run but her body is giving up on her. She begins to step – Left foot! Right foot until she was fully immersed in the euphoria from the jog.

Throughout the run, she continues to listen to Lolo2 because she knows that the more she listens and obeys, the weaker Lolo1 gets; but she’s also aware that Lolo1 is relentless- she doesn’t quit even when one is almost at the finish line.

Two minutes away from her final destination- it’s time for the sprint, she begins to hype herself for it

Lolo1 – No go wound yourself o! See those guys over there will just laugh at you

Lolo2 – Why do you care if they laugh?

I don’t!

Lolo2 – Good! So sprint and oh! Hope you didn’t forget the 100 squats and wall push-ups waiting at home.

Lolo is done with her run, squats, and wall-push up. Another day of defeating Lolo1 – wow! Almost unbelievable considering how close they used to be! God pass Devil last last! Tomorrow we fight again!

Mental Toughness

There is a tale that goes something like this:

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

Every one of us have many voices within us but the one we feed and nurture becomes the default voice we hear!

How can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation?

So many of us have set goals for ourselves but we feel that we need the motivation to start or continue. We like the voice that makes it easier for us.

We want to drop 10kg but that puff puff woman is right at our doorstep- and even when we know that it’s not on our meal plan, the voice convinces us that just 3 small puff puff won’t do any harm.

We want to write more or shoot that video but my goodness! We don’t have the zeal yet. We post one week and the next week – radio silence. We are unable to follow our schedules because we need the motivation to work.

But how can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation? We fail to realize that we need to train our minds to follow what we want.

Have you not seen some people who are not as talented or intelligent as you are but they keep soaring? You don’t understand it because you know you have the right recipe for success but it’s not forthcoming. The truth is that our talent doesn’t count here, that intellect we take pride in can’t always be there to help us!

Researches have shown that intelligence only accounts for 30% of our achievements and that’s the extreme upper hand – What makes a bigger impact is our MENTAL TOUGHNESS.

The ability to do what we need to do, when no one is watching and willing to reward us for your decision – even when we are frustrated, our ability to look past it and train that voice of faith to be so powerful that it drowns the other voices.

Developing mental strength requires that we make conscious decisions to do what needs to be done on a DAILY BASIS and not only when we feel good or motivated. We need to continue to work the muscle of the mind because many times, we are not weak, just our minds.

And just like James Clear says- Mental toughness is an abstract quality, but in the real world it’s tied to concrete actions. You can’t magically think your way to becoming mentally tough, you prove it to yourself by doing something in real life.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Do Have a great week and I hope you continue to prove it to yourself that you can achieve anything you want, once you set your mind to it.

Lolo Cynthia Is a public health specialist, sexuality educator and founder of the social enterprise LoloTalks, that employs all forms of media (online and offline) to create awareness and sustainable solutions to our contemporary social and health issues in Africa. She also doubles as a documentary and talk show producer and lends her voice on issues regarding interpersonal relationships, sexuality, gender, and social issues through her YouTube channel LoloTalks and her blog.

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