self development Archives

In self development February 15, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

NASILELE MUNYANDI: PITY PARTIES (MY KIND OF PARTY)

It was 5 o’clock in the morning of July in 2008,my good friend joy called me to inform me that acca had released results for our June sitting, and she was so excited because of all four papers we sat for ,she cleared all. I was so happy for her and at the same time, a great deal of anxiety filled my whole system. Lying on my bed I couldn’t wait for 8 o’clock so I could go to the nearest café and check for my results. That semester I sat for three papers and I cleared one only, I remember sitting in the internet café ,wondering what to do from that point, how I would break the news to my parents, how I would tell my friends I had failed when they all had cleared their exams.it tore me apart and pushed me into a kind of frustration that awarded me an opportunity to throw the biggest party ever, “the pity party”

I remember how for almost a month all I could do was wonder why me, I felt it was unfair because according to me, I had put in my very best and I deserved to clear, I shut out every possible help to pick myself up and think of the way forward, it was like no one understood what I was going through but myself, I looked at every one as though all they did was mock me and not see my frustration. For a moment I really felt I was entitled to all hurt and pain and everyone should let me enjoy it because it was my pain and hurt, no matter how long it took, I should be left alone in it.

Pity parties may seem ok, and the world knows a woman for hosting the best ones….hahahaha ,but truth be told, we are living in a time where invitations to a pity party are never accepted, cry it out, but wake up, dress up and start over, we live in times where we are constantly reminded that the world owes us nothing, hence when we fall, even on our faces, we need to find courage, and pace to move forward, for those that hurt or disappoint us, for all those that betray us, not even when we feel we need the apology ,will it always come, what we need is to find a place within yourself to dust yourself up and rise up, push until your circumstance move. I recall receiving a call from a friend I least expected, and the question that made me put myself together and get back to the drawing board was, who do you expect to apologize for your failure? And who do you expect to make it right if you won’t own up and do the right thing???i remember their words often when I feel low or rather want to give up, i remember he said, the world owes you no apology nor sympathy, if you need change, there is still a great chance to study hard and make it, but if the music at your pity parties is enjoyable, know you will party yourself into failure and serious depression.

Ladies, we need to get out of our entitlement mode and be willing to put in the hard work, we need to stop expecting the world around us to always understand our plight, mediocrity is slowly being dealt away with, and soon, not even

About Nasilele

Nasilele is a Zambian writer and account assistant with a reputable company in her home country.

In self development February 14, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS HAVE DIED BECAUSE WE NOW HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PHONES THAN WITH PEOPLE” -TOYIN ABRAHAM

Nollywood actress, Toyin Abraham described people in this century as a generation that don’t want a real relationship, in a thought provoking IG post.

According to her, social media has taken over true bonding and it has caused a lack of sincerity, betrayals and depressions.

She posted this picture below to emphasize her point, in which she wrote:

“21st Century, the generation that doesn’t want real relationship. We want that social media relationship that everyone can like and comment on. True bonding are very hard now because, we now converse via DM, Ping, WhatsApp etc and epistle is our new way of expressing our feelings or appreciating people.

A lot of relationship has died because we now have better relationship with our phones than with people. We invest more time into our Instagram profile than we do with our lives. We celebrate our friends/family’s birthdays without knowing how the 365 days that lead up to them was.

Family meetings are now been held via Video calls and WhatsApp group conversations. People come to social media to write a long epistle for eachother, claiming WORLD’S BEST for them. When in actual sense, they know they are nothing close to COMMUNITY’S BEST and their intentions are not to filter them as good, but to impress social media audience.

There’s no relationship without social media anymore and that’s why relationships are no longer sincere; everything is now for the gram😥. We’ve forgotten that, the best thing to hold on to in life is eachother👭 and that’s one of the reasons why depression is getting common☹️.

We’ve built a wall around ourselves against our family and love ones. We share our burdens with riddles on social media instead of talking it out with someone. It has worsen to the extent that, someone about to commit suicide will take to Instagram story to write their suicide note.

I understand it’s hard to find a trustworthy person these days but you still have to trust someone! If you trust them and they betrayed your trust, then it’s not your problem anymore it’s theirs. Let them live the rest of their life with the burden of betrayal.

The best place to lean on is eachother’s shoulders. Don’t let social media steal your love ones from you cuz NOTHING CAN SAVE US FROM DEATH BUT LOVE COULD AT LEAST SAVE US FROM LIFE”.

In self development February 14, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OYIBO HOSANNA: WHY YOU NEED A DETOX

Either as a single or married woman, working class or full time wife, daily you are in contact with harmful organisms, and toxins that pose a threat to your wellbeing.

Detoxification is the cleansing and nourishing the body from the inside out, by removing and eliminating toxins, then feeding your body with healthy nutrients. Our body has a natural detoxification system that functions to clear these toxins, but you can increase its efficiency by timely nutritional and lifestyle changes.

These toxins are in your water, food, and the air you breathe; it’s tough trying to get away from them, but you can have a defense against them. They include metals, chemicals, pollutants, artificial food additives, pesticides, and herbicides.

SIGNS THAT YOUR BODY IS SCREAMING FOR A DETOX

You frequently feel tired and stressed.
You experience unexplained headaches, mental confusion and lack of enthusiasm.
You repetitively feel colds and contract infections.
You have puffy eyes and distress sleeping.
You’re not at your ideal weight and experience irregular menstrual cycle
You have allergic breakouts and blemishes.
You’re exposed to common environmental toxins via smokes, household chemicals (perfumes, shampoos, paints etc.
You consume a high amount of fried foods, fast and processed foods
You always have irregular stomach bloating, indigestion and difficulty in defecating.

If you experience any three or more signs above, a detox is surely needed.

WELLNESS CUES: HOW TO DETOX

Having known the signs to watch out for, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to purify your body? Here are wellness cues on how to cleanse, balance and energize your body.

Increase your Water Intake. Your body basal function is driven by water, hence you can see it as the most valuable tool for detoxifying your body; we are advised to consume a minimum of 3-5 liters of water daily to aid its detoxifying function. Water first in the morning and last at night.
Decide to Eat Rightly. Choose to eat freshly cooked meals with organic fruits and vegetables over processed, fast food, alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, refined sugars, and saturated fats.
Detoxifying your body is not only about what you avoid, but also about what you consume. Fasting and adding natural foods like fiber foods, garlic, vegetable stews, cabbage, lemon, bitter leaf, broccoli and drinking green tea is vital in detoxification.
Develop an exercise and meditation routine to help you sweat out, release toxins through your skin pores, improve your mental attitude positively and boost your body energy levels.
Keep the Environments Air Clean. You can’t control the air in the environment you move in, but you can control the air in your home to reduce the number of smoke fumes, mold, mildew, and other microorganisms that are dangerous to your health.
Visit a Spa. The use of natural green herbs, brushing and oiling of your skin helps your skin peel off old cells and dirt, unclog skin pores to allowing the skin to perspire freely, which in turn stimulates cellular rejuvenation and slows aging.
Body Detox Packs. There are nutritional packs that offer a complete body detox, it is a step-by-step process of drinking health products that focuses on cleansing organs of the excretory systems (lungs, colon, skin, liver, and kidneys) of harmful organisms, chemicals, and toxic metals. Consult your doctor before using any health detox packs.

BENEFITS OF DETOXIFYING

It protects you from disease and refuels your body to maintain optimum health
Helps your body organs rest through fasting
Promotes the ease of elimination of body wastes from the excretory system.
Improves blood flow and mental alertness.
It provides your body with healthy nutrients that protect against free radicals, strengthening the immune system.

The source of many health problems is the toxins that have built up in our bodies over the years; to stay healthy and enjoy total wellbeing, DETOX.

About Hosanna

I am Hosanna Oyibo, a Public Health Coach. I am an avid reader, personal development enthusiast, network marketing professional and a volunteer. I’m also interested in travelling, gardening, and sports. You can read about me and visit my blog with a click on this link https://about.me/hosannaoyibo.

In self development February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

LOLO CYNTHIA: BATTLE OF THE INNER VOICES

4:35 AM- Almost time for Lolo’s 5 am run. She is awake but still laying in bed; her body aches from the workout of last night but she knows she has to run to also release her muscles.

4:45 AM- Sports gear is worn; she’s trying to fit her foot into her sneakers when she hears something.

Lolo 1 – Why are you jogging today? Your body is so sore, rest a bit.

Lolo 2 – Rest? Put on your sneakers and let’s go!

Oh! Oh! They are here again- battle of the inner voices- Who’s going to win this morning, Lolo thinks to herself. She puts on her sneakers, ready to stretch at home before walking to the road to start her run.

Lolo 1 – Babe o! Oya after this stretch why don’t you just do abs at home or something- shea its workout na.

Lolo 2 – Don’t stretch at home; walk to the junction and stretch – It’s a trap! And also, play your favorite motivational audio as you walk to the junction.

I will not stop by Ben Lionel Scott is playing in her earpiece as she walks to the junction- she decides not to do her normal routine stretch but instead substitute it for a light jog as the warm-up.

She begins to jog.

Lolo 1 – This pace no bad o! Why don’t you maintain this pace until the end?

Lolo2 – She’s barely breaking a sweat- what exactly is your mission here? Lolo! Warm up is over – Let’s Run!

She is tired, she wants to run but her body is giving up on her. She begins to step – Left foot! Right foot until she was fully immersed in the euphoria from the jog.

Throughout the run, she continues to listen to Lolo2 because she knows that the more she listens and obeys, the weaker Lolo1 gets; but she’s also aware that Lolo1 is relentless- she doesn’t quit even when one is almost at the finish line.

Two minutes away from her final destination- it’s time for the sprint, she begins to hype herself for it

Lolo1 – No go wound yourself o! See those guys over there will just laugh at you

Lolo2 – Why do you care if they laugh?

I don’t!

Lolo2 – Good! So sprint and oh! Hope you didn’t forget the 100 squats and wall push-ups waiting at home.

Lolo is done with her run, squats, and wall-push up. Another day of defeating Lolo1 – wow! Almost unbelievable considering how close they used to be! God pass Devil last last! Tomorrow we fight again!

Mental Toughness

There is a tale that goes something like this:

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

Every one of us have many voices within us but the one we feed and nurture becomes the default voice we hear!

How can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation?

So many of us have set goals for ourselves but we feel that we need the motivation to start or continue. We like the voice that makes it easier for us.

We want to drop 10kg but that puff puff woman is right at our doorstep- and even when we know that it’s not on our meal plan, the voice convinces us that just 3 small puff puff won’t do any harm.

We want to write more or shoot that video but my goodness! We don’t have the zeal yet. We post one week and the next week – radio silence. We are unable to follow our schedules because we need the motivation to work.

But how can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation? We fail to realize that we need to train our minds to follow what we want.

Have you not seen some people who are not as talented or intelligent as you are but they keep soaring? You don’t understand it because you know you have the right recipe for success but it’s not forthcoming. The truth is that our talent doesn’t count here, that intellect we take pride in can’t always be there to help us!

Researches have shown that intelligence only accounts for 30% of our achievements and that’s the extreme upper hand – What makes a bigger impact is our MENTAL TOUGHNESS.

The ability to do what we need to do, when no one is watching and willing to reward us for your decision – even when we are frustrated, our ability to look past it and train that voice of faith to be so powerful that it drowns the other voices.

Developing mental strength requires that we make conscious decisions to do what needs to be done on a DAILY BASIS and not only when we feel good or motivated. We need to continue to work the muscle of the mind because many times, we are not weak, just our minds.

And just like James Clear says- Mental toughness is an abstract quality, but in the real world it’s tied to concrete actions. You can’t magically think your way to becoming mentally tough, you prove it to yourself by doing something in real life.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Do Have a great week and I hope you continue to prove it to yourself that you can achieve anything you want, once you set your mind to it.

Lolo Cynthia Is a public health specialist, sexuality educator and founder of the social enterprise LoloTalks, that employs all forms of media (online and offline) to create awareness and sustainable solutions to our contemporary social and health issues in Africa. She also doubles as a documentary and talk show producer and lends her voice on issues regarding interpersonal relationships, sexuality, gender, and social issues through her YouTube channel LoloTalks and her blog.

In self development February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

HOW TO THINK POSITIVE EVERYDAY

Many of us may have heard of the importance of positivity but few can really tell why it’s important. When we are trapped with a reduced number of choices as a result of emotions coming into play, we make wrong regretful decisions.

So it’s really important to think positive.But… how?

Thousands of articles online teach us how to think positive in the most clichéd ways possible. You should cheer up, crack a smile, look on the bright side of life…blah…blah..blah…

Don’t worry! The tips you are going to see below are nothing like those. We aim to offer some practical and specific tips for you to start making REAL changes.

Start with your posture: sit up straight! It’s more than etiquette

While one may think cultivation of positivity always requires conscious effort, indeed it doesn’t.

Sitting up straight may appear irrelevant to positivity. But a study reveals the association between posture and positive thoughts.

The result shows that people are more likely to generate positive thoughts and recall positive memories when they are sitting up straight.^[2]

So, sit up straight right now! Sometimes tiny things in life all contribute to our well-being without us noticing.

Have a teaspoon in your pocket

What else can a teaspoon do other than stirring our refreshing cup of coffee? Well, a Quora user, William Peynsaert, thinks of a brilliant idea to use a teaspoon for our evasion from negativity. ^[3]

All we need is a teaspoon. Nothing more.

Well, technically, we also need a pair of pants with pockets. In case we are not wearing any.

What we do is to put the teaspoon into either one side of the pocket. Whenever we feel like formulating a negative thought, put the teaspoon into another pocket. Just that simple.

The principle behind is that the action occupies our brains so we don’t have spare resources to bring up any negative thoughts. Usually we are quite impulsive to have negative thoughts and by the time we finished transferring the teaspoon, the urge is long gone and SNAP! We successfully stop a negative thought.

At first we may find ourselves doing it over and over again. But eventually, we will do this less and less.

After all, we can choose whatever utensils or stationery or anything that fit us. It’s just a medium.

It may sound silly but it does work.

Instead of news, read something uplifting in the morning

It is common to watch morning news reports. For the sake of keeping abreast of the latest news. This is definitely good not to block ourselves off the outside world. But, what news is mostly about?

Car crash. Terrorist attack. Natural disaster. All sorts of disheartening incidents.

I am not suggesting us not read any news but a trade off. Devote part of your morning on something more uplifting.

Start our daily confidence programming habit. Instead of news update, begin our day by reading a chapter of an empowering book. We can also go for our favorite spiritually boosting and inspirational materials.

List 3 things you’re grateful for every day

It is simple and easy to do. Try to list at least 3 things we are grateful for every day. In the end, we won’t realize how much it helps us.

Researches ^[4] reveal a multitude of benefits in expressing gratitude on a daily basis. Being grateful is associated with our well-being. It can also improve relationships and help with emotional maturity. Gratitude can simply promote happiness.

It’s true that we can always find dissatisfaction in life. Same to satisfaction. Half-filled and half-empty glass.

It’s actually a piece of cake to find things we can express gratitude on.

Start of weekend. Cats and dogs outside. Hiking trip cancelled. Meh!

Well, at least we have a home sheltering us. We even have Netflix to entertain ourselves.

Or, year review.. NO pay raise. Can it be worse?

You are not sacked, aren’t you? You still have a stable job.

Or even, back to very basic. We are still alive, right? We are still living in this world of mystery and amazement. We still have lots to explore. There’s nothing to mourn on.

There are always angels and devils in our brains. While we are usually the devil’s advocate, try to stand on the angel’s side now.

Use the app “Happify” to cultivate positivity scientifically

Ever imagined an app to ‘happify’ ourselves. An app to delight ourselves and brighten our day?

Then try Happify, an app designed specially for us to handle our negative emotions. It provides us with scientifically-proven tools and techniques to promote our emotional well-being.

It consists of short activities and games for us to relearn situations and be more aware of the subtle little things we should be grateful for.

While we usually the gadgets are taking a toll out of us, it is now possible to cultivate positivity right back from it.

Celebrate your small wins every day

One easy way to start cultivating our positivity is to write down our small wins on a daily basis. And research has reassured the potential benefits of doing so.

Progress is a lot more than just a step closer to success, as Amabile and Kramer suggest. In fact, if we properly record our progress, no matter how small it is, we instantly receive a confidence boost!

Teresa Amabile from Harvard Business School and Steven Kramer read through approximately 12,000 diary entries written by 238 individuals from 7 different companies. The employees were asked to write about their emotions and moods, motivation levels, and perceptions of the work environment as well as what work they did and what events stood out in their minds on a daily basis for 4 months. ^[5]

The result showed that any accomplishment, regardless of its size, activates the reward circuitry of our brains. Once activated, a chemical dopamine is released and this chemical is associated to the feeling of pride and achievement.

More importantly, the chemical also motivates us to continue on with the taking challenges and to attempt to repeat the same achievement next time. This forms a positive reinforcement loop that makes us more likely to be successful.

So pay close attention to what you achieved. Ran for 400m? Got up 10 minutes earlier? Mark these down and recognize yourself! It’s never too much.

By: Jefferey Lau

For: Lifehack.org

In self development February 13, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

LUPITA NYONG’O’S COVER FOR ANOTHER MAGAZINE‘S NEWEST ISSUE IS ALL SHADE OF ”WAKANDA”

Another day, AnOther Magazine cover for actress Lupita Nyong’o.

The movie star is simply described as “Majesty” on the cover of the magazine’s latest issue.

The magazine describes the Academy Award-winning star as “A Gracious Role Model for Our Times. Principled yet unpredictable, considered yet authentic…”

She talks to the magazine about her new movie “Us”, working with director Jordan Peele, her role in “Black Panther” and so much more.

Read excerpts below.

On working with Jordan Peele in Us: “I’d walk off a cliff for Jordan Peele. I was madly in love with the mind of Jordan from the Key & Peele days, and I remember putting him on my ‘one day I’ll work with’ list. Then I saw Get Out. I saw it in the cinema five times in one month. I was just so fascinated by it”

On how a meeting with Ralph Fiennes early in her career helped: “I was having lunch with Ralph (Fiennes) one day and he asked me about my interests, and I told him that I wanted to be an actor, I think. He said, ‘Only do it if there’s nothing else you want to do, if there’s nothing else you feel you could do.’ It wasn’t, ‘Here’s my number, I’ll be your mentor.’ It wasn’t that but he gave me a lot of food for thought.”

On Black Panther: “When I think what Black Panther has done for Africans and Africans in their diaspora, it’s this allegorical story about the relationship between Africa and America, reflected in the relationship between T’Challa and Killmonger. It’s a chance for both to consider each other’s perspective in a way that I don’t think popular culture has been effective at doing. It’s really the start of a long-overdue conversation. In no way does it call for answers, but it’s the opportunity to begin to [rexognize] what it is we have in common.”

For more from Lupita, visit AnotherMag.com.

In self development February 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

4 QUALITIES OF A KEEPER; HOW TO RECOGNIZE A GOOD GUY

I have a dear friend who was once vivacious and cheerful. As a teenage girl, she had a promising future. She was beautiful, warm, smart and talented. She dated a lot and was widely admired. She had “the pick of the litter” as far as guys went. In college, she met a charismatic guy who made her laugh. He swept her off her feet and they married.

Soon enough, she found out that Prince Charming was really a sociopath. She stayed with him for the sake of her children and suffered in an unhappy, abusive marriage for many years before leaving.

Marriage is a hugely exciting prospect, but when you’re in love with someone, sometimes your emotions can cloud your judgment. Maybe he’s a fun guy, but is he worthy to take your hand in marriage? Can you imagine him as the father of your children?

Of course, you don’t want to spend your life with “Mr. Blah,” but bear in mind the long road ahead. Before committing to the wrong guy, consider the following all-time top four qualities of a keeper. Remember, this is your future we’re talking about!

He is kind to young children and old women

A guy who is both tender with kids and respectful to the elderly is worth a second look. I have a brother-in-law who adores my kids. Even after having children of his own, he makes my kids feel special and cool. He loves roughhousing with them and blending fruit smoothies for them. Similarly, a guy who is a gentleman to his mom and other women is a keeper. A man’s behavior toward women says volumes about the type of person he is.

He is willing to get his hands dirty

When the car stalls or the gutters need cleaned, it’s sure handy to have a manly guy around. Even if your guy isn’t a skilled mechanic or handyman, it’s nice to have someone who will dig in and not shy away from hard work.

A guy with a strong work ethic will teach your children the value of hard work. Don’t settle for someone lazy or someone who won’t pitch in to help maintain your home. A man who extends a helping hand to others is someone worthy of your love, too.

He isn’t in love with himself

Steer clear of the guy who moons over himself. You know – the guy who never saw a mirror he didn’t like.

Who wants to spend her life with a vain man? It’s fine to want to look nice, and no one wants to be with a slob – but pay attention to your man’s ego and make sure he’s not a slave to fashion (for example, too hipster) or his physique. You don’t want a selfish or narcissistic hubby.

He is honest

When you’ve snagged an honest man, you can be assured of several things. Your husband won’t be unfaithful to you. He’ll be true to his co-workers, boss, friends and family members. He’ll be upfront in his financial dealings. When he makes mistakes, he won’t hide them from you because he is a man of honor.

You’ll enjoy peace of mind and feel more secure in your marriage with an honest man.

Each of these four attributes points to another attribute: humility. Find and marry someone who is humble, because he will regard you more highly than himself.

By: Megan Gladwell

Originally for Familyshare

In self development February 12, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

TOLA SPEAKS: WHAT’S YOUR WORK ROUTINE?

Getting better at doing the same thing takes few deliberate attempts especially in the work place to guarantee enjoyment. Trust me, some days are sapping while some are really light, but overall, I try to strike a good balance within the week. I have sort of created procedures that guide my everyday work life…but don’t consider me lucky yet, for now, it seems to be working.

So there are activities during the day that deplete my energy. I guess you’re familiar with them: meetings, running around, business trips, conducting a talk, a presentation… what have you. It’s inevitable that you will encounter some form of stress as you work. The good thing is, I set out a solitary time during the day where I reconnect with myself. I find balance in that energy and come out rejuvenated and refreshed. It can be as short as five minutes but it’s part of my daily routine and it’s something that I do on my own.

Additionally, I create a simple sequence of work activities like pre-designed templates which I use often to simplify work. Although, it usually requires little moderation but saves me considerable time which ultimately improves my performance.

I have found that defining this routine helps me outline the steps needed to ensure happiness amidst the long hours put at work. Our best output comes from something we have so much passion for, that the idea of failing bears no meaning. Being able to meet that purpose on a daily basis creates happiness at work. Defining this routine not only helps me recenter but jumpstarts my day which enables me achieve my goals better throughout the day.

Examine your day, do you have a daily routine?

Be Purposeful, Be Happy.

tolaspeaks

In self development February 10, 2019 By Women of Rubies

REMI COLE: HOW TO HELP YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE’S FALLING APART

You can find them in every grocery store, office, playground and drop off lane at the local elementary school.The women who wipe their children’s tears away, who selflessly serve day after day with little or no appreciation, who juggle working and parenting and sleepless nights and endless guilt, who love their husbands fiercely, who continually look after everyone’s needs except their own. They are the women who quietly run the world.

And, if you’re a woman reading this article, “they” probably means you.

I know the look in your eye. I know what it feels like to give everything and never feel like it’s enough. I know what it feels like to wake up and wonder how you’ll ever make it through the day. Please know that you are not alone.

To the husbands, we need you. We know that we can not walk the path of life alone. When we fall, we need you to catch us, and help us stand tall. We need you to wipe our tears away and hold us so tightly that it’s almost difficult to breathe. We need you to comfort us when life becomes too hard to bear.

To the incredible men who love us, I know that it is hard to know what to do. I know that sometimes the right words are difficult to find. We want to help you help us. I asked women from all over the world to share their thoughts about how husbands can help their wives reset when they are stressed or overwhelmed. I hope these ideas are helpful to you:

Be aware of her responsibilities

Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweigh her time and energy. Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices.

Get involved BEFORE she burns out

The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

Be an active participant

It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life. Work is hard, but your employment status doesn’t give you permission to opt out of chores, disciplining and planning date nights.

Stop trying to fix her problems

Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them.

Hold her

Find something to keep your kids preoccupied, and then take your wife into your arms and tell her how much you love her. Hold her closely and let her cry into your shoulder. Comfort her the best way you know how.

Let her talk for as long as she needs

Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

Be a partner

Marriage is committing to share a life together. To carry one another’s burdens. To cry with one another. To support one another through difficult times. Marriage means being one another’s confidant, lover and friend. You aren’t just two people living together. You are a beautiful union of two people who covenant to love each other forever.

Provide her hope

Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she’s hit rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

Be useful

Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? Does the dog need to be walked? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

Give her a day all to herself

Nothing feels better than getting a manicure, pedicure, hair cut, massage, and a new outfit. Let her sleep in, take a hot bath, and spend some quiet time alone. Support her and take over her day-to-day tasks, so she can have time to take care of herself.

Pray for her

Right before you go to bed, kneel down next to your bed together, hand in hand, and pray. Tell God how much you love your wife. Let him know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

Ask her what you can do to help

Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know. Because, you know what? She loves you too, and she is grateful every day for what you do for her.

In self development February 9, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

20 FOODS YOU EAT EVERYDAY THAT ARE BAD FOR YOU

Cancer is a disease that affects millions of people every year. Since 2012, the disease has taken the lives of more than 8 million people. Although several types of cancers are just ticking time bombs waiting for their moment, most types can be avoided by living a healthy lifestyle. Although there are treatments, prevention is the only truly effective way of living a cancer-free life. Consider living healthily as an investment for a brighter future, and it all begins with what we put in our bodies.

You may not be aware, but the foods we can pick off of the shelves or from counters can actually contain carcinogens packaged in confusing or misleading names. This list contains the 20 most consumed foods with known carcinogens that you should avoid starting right now.

1. Margarine

Margarine has been regarded as the healthier alternative to butter for spreading and shallow frying, but the opposite is true. Butter from grass-fed cows provides beneficial nutrients to their milk supply, something that you won’t get from the vegetable or animal fat used to make margarine. During the production process, the ingredients used to make margarine are heated to extremely high temperatures which lead to the occurrence of free radicals.

2. Canned Goods

It’s not that the contents of a can that are dangerous but rather the lining of the can which contains bisphenol-A (BPA), a compound known to trigger brain cancer. Nowadays, you can purchase canned goods from the store that are BPA-free, but you should always double or triple check to make sure you’re getting a safe container. The most dangerous type of canned food in a BPA-lined can is tomato products.

3. Microwave Popcorn

Both the paper bag and the popcorn can lead to lung cancer. The kernels used in popcorns are most likely GMO, and the “butter” that gives it its iconic flavor is nothing more than an artificial flavoring with high traces of diacetyl. Consider popping your own corn the old fashioned way without the inclusion of fake butter, questionable kernels, and hazardous packaging.

4. Deli Meats

Nothing pairs better with a glass of wine than a thin slice of cheese and deli meat. Unfortunately, consuming the sandwich meat you purchase over the counter can severely increase your risk of colon cancer. Most deli meats are jam-packed with preservatives to give them that “healthy” look for weeks on end before being picked up by an unsuspecting carnivore.

5. Grilled Red Meat

Grilling your meat is arguably one of the best ways to enjoy the natural flavors and juiciness of a thick steak, burger, or hot dog, but it’s the heat and residual char marks that could potentially increase your risk of cancer. The char marks contain heterocyclic aromatic amines, a known carcinogen. You’re better off preparing your steak or hot dog in a skillet than on a grill.

6. Smoked Meat

It’s not the smoking process that can lead to cancer but rather the preservatives injected into the smoked meat at your local butcher shop or grocery store. The additives can add up over time and produce toxins that encourage the growth of cancerous cells. Consider purchasing a slab of raw meat and smoking it yourself.

7. Refined White Flour

Refining white flour removes all nutritional value. Bleaching flour is done to make it look more appealing to customers. What you may not know is that chlorine, a hazardous chemical to humans, is used to whiten flour. Furthermore, consuming refined white flour on a regular basis can create an insulin resistance by converting carbs to sugar. The resulting sugar is fuel for cancer cells.

8. Hydrogenated Oils

Hydrogenated oils are oil extracted from vegetable (so far so good) but are then chemically treated to alter how they taste and smell (no longer good). The resulting product is chock full of omega-6 fats – something that we consume way too much of – that can modify the structure of our cells and support the growth of cancerous cells.

9. Farmed Fish

Fish can be one of the healthiest forms of protein we can consume. However, the farmed-raised variety of fish will do nothing for your body. Because fish are raised in a bacteria-filled environment, they need to be given antibiotics, pesticides, and other carcinogenic chemicals to control the growth of viruses and parasites. The resulting fish have most of their nutrients removed and replaced with cancer-causing compounds.

10. Alcohol

They say that the poison in food and drink is in the dosage. There’s a fine line between moderate drinking and overconsumption of alcohol. A glass of red wine a day will help keep your brain sharp, but more than that will exponentially increase the risk of contracting cancer.

11. Refined Sugar

We all have a sweet tooth, but indulging in sugary treats is a main contributor to the growth of cancer cells. Sugar has been proven to be one of the most addictive substances which is unfortunate since cancer cells thrive when abundant levels of sugar is present. Perhaps the next time you feel a sugar crave coming, it’s time to go cold turkey and nibble on a carrot instead.

12. Carbonated Beverages

Soda has never been good for us. Considering the high levels of fructose corn syrup and mysterious food colorings, it’s amazing that the drink is even allowed to be sold in stores and even in school cafeterias. The carcinogen in carbonated drinks can be found in the refined sugars used to give it the sweet taste we’ve grown to love.

13. Potato Chips

Although our bodies require sodium to function properly, having too much of it can destroy our bodies and increase the risk of stomach cancer. Apart from being way too salty, potato chips get their crispiness from acrylamide, a carcinogen used in cigarettes.

14. Artificial Sweeteners

Since sugar can cause cancer down the road, what is the healthier alternative to keeping our teas and coffees sweet? We can tell you right now that the answer does not lie in a packet of artificial sweetener. Aspartame, a popular artificial sweetener, can wreak havoc on your organs and cause cancer.

15. “Diet” Food and Beverages

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The problem with diet foods is that they eliminate sugar by replacing it with artificial sweeteners that are low in calories but are carcinogenic. Don’t be fooled the next time you see a diet cola or low-cal package of cookies in the store. Replacing one carcinogen for another is never a good idea.

16. Bread

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Many of the baked goods we find in grocery stores or chain bakeries add potassium bromated to their dough. The additive increases the bulk of the dough and speeds up the manufacturing process, but ultimately it’s the customer that pays the price. Potassium bromate has been linked to various disorders of the nervous systems and the occurrence of cancer.

17. Low-Fat Yogurt

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Even though this can also be categorized as a “diet” food, it’s still worth mentioning separately. Yogurt has recently been hailed as a superfood, but what we must remember is that the full-fat Greek yogurt variety is really what’s good for you. Most other types of yogurt, including the low-fat type, are full of artificial sweeteners, preservatives, and have most of its probiotic properties removed. Basically, they’re a vehicle for transferring fuel to potential cancerous cells.

18. Dairy

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A grass-fed cow will produce high-quality milk. Unfortunately, most dairy cows in the US and Europe are injected with antibiotics that go straight through the cow and is expelled through its udders. The resulting milk – later converted into buttermilk, butter, cream, and other dairy products – goes into our bellies and bodies as possible carcinogens.

19. GMOs

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The debate about whether GMOs are harmful or not has lasted for several years now without an end in sight. Without modifying our foods, we probably wouldn’t have enough produce to go around, but this comes at the cost of accelerating the growth of tumors and cancer cells. The only surefire way to avoid this risk is by purchasing certified non-GMO produce.

20. Fermented Foods

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Pickles and other fermented foods are undoubtedly delicious and add a refreshing crunch and tanginess to a rich dish. The problem is that store-bought pickles are packed in a preservative nitrate which has been linked to the growth of cancerous cells. Try pickling your own cucumbers for a fresh crunch instead of purchasing the stuff sitting on the shelves.

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