These spent days got me reflective and imagining all the odds life can offer me but not wishing them into being so when I feel I need some breathe if fresh air, gist and laughter then Facebook becomes my relaxation spot. So this bubbly young woman that I have come to respect for her sense served with humour and sarcasm sometimes puts up a post with a picture of herself and her husband, it was their wedding anniversary. As it is with me, I choose to read through all the comments and my heart broke on her behalf. ‘Why don’t you have a child after 3 years of marriage?’ became the new congratulatory messages.
Then I got into her shoes in my subconscious, would I feel shame or pick up my joy if I have to explain childlessness for any reason?
We have fixed a pattern to living and added time limits such that the feeling of failure crawls in when we are unable or yet to meet up with the standards especially marriage and childbearing. There is no shame in Childlessness! There is no shame I’m finding medical solutions such as IVF! Even adoption has no shame! And if you choose not to tow any of these paths and let nature takes its toll, there isn’t no shame!
Childbearing is just another phenomenon as every thing time and chance allows some of us to own while some are not privileged, it isn’t a curse till we allow the gloom of myth borne out of biased minds become a defined standard. Women are still crying their eyes out when nothing is stopping them to choose IVF, some would rather dwell in gloom because the society isn’t yet in sync with the idea of IVF. Same society isn’t in sync with adoption but will forever be in sync with shaming and bullying.
Oh Daughter of Eve! Bury the shame of Childlessness. Bury the shame of attached to whatever plan you choose to work on to share in the joys of motherhood. Do what works for you and be happy. Whether a child born out of the vagina, or through surrogacy (which I hope will be legalized someday and not seen as the worst curse), or through IVF or adoption is a child and he or she bears your name and will forever cherish the life you’ve given to him/her through your boldness.
The society isn’t sure of the template to follow so everything in our world is just turnioniown *winks* so do more than swallowing the bitter pills of the naysayers and try other options.
And to every Queen that has tried all options and are yet to have their little kings and queens, I hold you all dear in my prayers and we believe your celebration time is at hand. But that isn’t enough reason to dwell in shame.
Alongside with other issues we are making a grave for as women, we are burying every iota of shame attached to Childlessness.
And to everyone who the Lord has not given counsel to know the right words to use, we hold you dear in our prayers too.
Love and Strength.
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