Arijenileola bolanle


These spent days got me reflective and imagining all the odds life can offer me but not wishing them into being so when I feel I need some breathe if fresh air, gist and laughter then Facebook becomes my relaxation spot. So this bubbly young woman that I have come to respect for her sense served with humour and sarcasm sometimes puts up a post with a picture of herself and her husband, it was their wedding anniversary. As it is with me, I choose to read through all the comments and my heart broke on her behalf. ‘Why don’t you have a child after 3 years of marriage?’ became the new congratulatory messages.

Then I got into her shoes in my subconscious, would I feel shame or pick up my joy if I have to explain childlessness for any reason?
We have fixed a pattern to living and added time limits such that the feeling of failure crawls in when we are unable or yet to meet up with the standards especially marriage and childbearing. There is no shame in Childlessness! There is no shame I’m finding medical solutions such as IVF! Even adoption has no shame! And if you choose not to tow any of these paths and let nature takes its toll, there isn’t no shame!
Childbearing is just another phenomenon as every thing time and chance allows some of us to own while some are not privileged, it isn’t a curse till we allow the gloom of myth borne out of biased minds become a defined standard. Women are still crying their eyes out when nothing is stopping them to choose IVF, some would rather dwell in gloom because the society isn’t yet in sync with the idea of IVF. Same society isn’t in sync with adoption but will forever be in sync with shaming and bullying.
Oh Daughter of Eve! Bury the shame of Childlessness. Bury the shame of attached to whatever plan you choose to work on to share in the joys of motherhood. Do what works for you and be happy. Whether a child born out of the vagina, or through surrogacy (which I hope will be legalized someday and not seen as the worst curse), or through IVF or adoption is a child and he or she bears your name and will forever cherish the life you’ve given to him/her through your boldness.
The society isn’t sure of the template to follow so everything in our world is just turnioniown *winks* so do more than swallowing the bitter pills of the naysayers and try other options.
And to every Queen that has tried all options and are yet to have their little kings and queens, I hold you all dear in my prayers and we believe your celebration time is at hand. But that isn’t enough reason to dwell in shame.
Alongside with other issues we are making a grave for as women, we are burying every iota of shame attached to Childlessness.
And to everyone who the Lord has not given counsel to know the right words to use, we hold you dear in our prayers too.
Love and Strength.
As women we thrive on strong expressive emotions with our dolls as little girls then to girlfriends and our lives are intertwined with so much to share, cry and laugh about be it problems, thoughts, feelings, and triumphs.
I grew up with girls that helped me find a voice with my little notes, I was so unintelligent when mathematics and calculations comes to play and because my school gives priority to science whiz students I had to go down and be a dullard in everyone’s eyes but my then friends made it a point of duty to stick my scribblings on the school notice board to make me feel good and confident and till date mostof my emotional and mental strength comes from deep bonds with the strong females in my life.
Over time, we become our friends as we mirror their thoughts, beliefs, and ideas and so far friendship has rocked my boat and many boats too,be it female friendship or with the guys.
But as the female gender seeks to hold her place of safety, respect and relevance, we have seen and read about strife,envy and unhealthy competition as major ingredients of the female friendship.
Note: I believe in competition, a healthy dose of win and let’s win with everyone cheering and celebrating everyone’s win.

As much as I value human resource, I have come to learn and still learning how to fix some friends in their places,some are just for the party rider, some for the career ride while few makes it to the real life issues and solution section but we tend to want everyone together till death do us part and gets heart broken when they misbehave or can’t meet up with expectations. It isn’t anyone’s fault but no one can do and be beyond her strength. 

Also, knowing when to let go of some friendship is key. People will play their part and have to leave when their time is over but the mushiness of the female heart won’t let be till the signs are tired of blinking and everything goes sour and messy. 
I am not asking you to let go of all your friends because I thrive on good and Godly friendships but I hope we get over assuming and mere talks of friendship to real communication. Don’t assume anyone is spiting you or envious of you, put your assumption to words, in a peaceful and logical way please then let fate sort the rest.
If you have good friends, always take time out to celebrate them and water your friendship, reduce third or tenth party influence as some don’t want good friendships but are on a mission to ruin any good friendship. Be a better friend, don’t be about all round receiving without giving, you might be the problem of your friends by draining them and their frustration is what you see as a problem.
For good people with odd friends,my prayers are with you and I hope you won’t give up doing good but reduce the toxic people around you before you gets contaminated.
We will achieve more as women if we stand, celebrate, build, empower and love without bias.
Be a good friend, forgive daily and let’s build the world with amazing love for the girls yet unborn.
Cheers to friendships and achievements of the New year.