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self development

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It is sad that many women are crumbling under the weight of abusive and dysfunctional marriages

It is sad that these women believe this is normal. They see themselves as Messiahs that have the magic wand to make their relationships and marriages successful.

What a pity! It is a suicide mission trying to keep a relationship all by myself. You will crumble under that weight. It is not meant for you alone as a woman.

One of the lies that was sold to women many years ago was that the success and failure of their relationships or marriages was their sole duty.

Why many women are crumbling under the weight of abusive marriages

This is why we see many women crumbling under the weight of abusive and terrible marriages. They are being maltreated, yet everywhere they turn to for help, they are told to put in more effort for their marriages not to fail.

They go back home to continue enduring emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and verbal abuse. But they also wonder why their marriages are hell on earth.

Woman, you cannot do it alone. You cannot build a happy home alone. You can’t be building when your man is tearing it down with his actions. Don’t kill yourself for nothing.

It is not your job to keep a man interested in you or your relationship. He’s either making efforts to be the man you need or he’s not. You can’t force him to be who he’s not.

You don’t need to sacrifice your sanity or life for a bad relationship. You don’t even need to change yourself or stop living because of any man.

Respect yourself and demand to be respected too. All the people telling you to keep enduring a bad relationship won’t be in it with you nor suffer the consequences with you.

Live your life. You are lovable and perfect just the way you are. It’s not your fault if that man can’t see the wonderful woman that you are. Just don’t die on his behalf.

Relationships are not magic. It involves conscious efforts from both parties to make it work. Women, stop crumbling under the weight of abusive marriages. It’s not worth it.

You are just harming yourselves emotionally, psychologically and mentally. This is why many women are battling different ailments in their later life because of the effects of staying in abusive and loveless marriages.

Stop.

Source: Feminine.com.ng

Leslie Irby has made history as the first known Black woman with a disability to earn a pilot’s license.

The East Point, Georgia, resident didn’t let a wheelchair hinder her from achieving her goals. At age 16, she began flying at a local airport in Atlanta as part of the ACE (Aviation Career Enrichment) program. According to Because of Them We Can, she always looked up to famed Black aviator Bessie Coleman.

The ACE program was hosted by the Organization of Black Aerospace Professionals. Because of other Black pilots and professionals, Irby got the chance to manifest her dreams.

However, a devastating accident changed everything for the young fly girl. Seven years after her first flight, she was involved in a car crash that left her with a lifelong disability in 2013. Two people walked away from the collision, two were paralyzed and two died. Irby was one of the two who were paralyzed.

She told the outlet that doctors gave her the news she suffered a spinal cord injury. The news was life-changing but also inspired her to push forward.

“I started rehab at Shepard Center, in Atlanta,” Irby recalled. “The first day I was told I would be in a wheelchair, the therapist came in my room and I asked, ‘Do you all have a pink one I can borrow?’ They all laughed, but I knew this wasn’t going to be bad, this was going to be a new start, so why not be myself through it!”

Sometime after the routine doctor’s appointments, she wanted to return to the cockpit. Irby came across a program called Able Flight that aimed at getting people with disabilities back into the pilot’s chair.

She applied for a scholarship this year, was accepted and then started flight training at Purdue University on May 18. The work was hard and worth every minute. Within a month, she completed her first solo flight. 

On June 28, she passed her check ride, which is the final test needed to become a pilot, and received her official sport pilots license. She received her pilot’s wings at EAA AirVenture on Tuesday.

“My wheelchair is my blessing, I have so much more rockin n’ rollin to do!” she said.

 

 

Credit: blavity.com

Why do we often   blame situations or other people when you don’t reach our targets?

Perhaps you are are the one  holding yourself  back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?

Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.

What is  a Belief in this context you may ask?

It  is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is

Here are  5 of the most common self-limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them

1. I Can’t

This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.

Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.

There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.

  1. I Don’t Have Time

When you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want. Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.

When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:

Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.

3. I Am Not Good Enough

This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.

We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.

Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.

4.  I Will Be Judged

We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.

You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.

If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself

When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.

  1. I Am Not as Good as Them

This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.

This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.

If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.

Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.

There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.

The Bottom Line

Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.

True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.

Source: Lifehacks

Business seems to be the real deal these days. Almost every one you come in contact with owns a business – from clothes to food, to agriculture, to cosmetics. Everyone wants to get their hands into something. Social media, has in recent times, become a tool for sales; but, while some people use it to its fullest advantage, others haven’t gotten the hang of it yet.

As an entrepreneur/business owner, you have to realise that you aren’t the only marketer in town. There are a billion others out there, so how you make your brand different and drive clients your way should be considered. Asides sellers on social media, there are business owners who have shops, easily accessible ones that one can walk into and buy stuff, so the question is: why should I trust my money into the hands of a stranger? Especially when I do not know the quality of goods I’ll be getting, or if the individual is a fraud.

Today, I’ll be discussing some errors which really dents businesses. You wonder why you aren’t making as much sales as you like? Then maybe your answer might be here.

Error #1: Your Instagram page is PRIVATE!
A while ago, a friend of mine posted a picture and gave credit to an online store for making her dress. I liked the dress and was interested in making one too, so I clicked on the tagged name only for me to see that the page was private. This doesn’t in anyway show seriousness as a business owner. Your page should only be private when everything on your page is about your personal life and not business. But telling a potential client that they have to follow your page before they can do business with you just doesn’t cut it. Let them follow you if they find your services faultless. Dear business owner, leave your page accessible to potential customers.

Error #2: You have the “No DMS, No messages, just calls!” on your bio
This is another error business owners on social media make. If you really love sales, I think you would open up every avenue for your clients to reach you and your services. What makes your business so special that you can’t be “DMd?” Why can’t you receive WhatsApp messages regarding details of your business? Please always put your customers first.

Error #3: Replying messages/inquires late
Business requires time and commitment and if you aren’t ready to put that into yours, then maybe business isn’t for you. I remember when I started my business, I needed carrier bags which would have my logo on it to be used in delivering my goods. I searched the ‘gram and found a few Instagram pages which were into that. I called, messaged almost ten people, but I either did not get a feedback or I was told my call would be returned. One person actually returned my call two days later and called me so many times over the next week, I was forced to block the line. If you cannot reply messages or answer calls immediately, please do as soon as possible and apologise for any inconveniences first. This shows you are a person of integrity and your business can be trusted.

Error #4: Posting poorly taken photos
This one can be an instant turn off. Most people who buy things on social media do so because they fell in love with the images posted. As a business owner who wants more sale, pay particular attention to the quality of your pictures. I do not think that I will purchase anything from a store whose pictures are taken in poorly lit places and on dirty platforms. Excellent picture quality says a lot about you and your business. They help to catch the attention of potential buyers. It is now left to you to retain this interest and ensure they close the deal.

Error #5: Not replying comments under the post
Several times, I see comments like “how do I get this? How do I order? Where are you based?” under posts and the strange thing is that these comments get no replies. Yes, I’m the first to admit that some customers can be exasperating. They want the same thing said over and over again, but that’s why as a business owner, you cannot excel without great patience skills. Ensure you reply comments underneath your posts. This shows that you have your customers in mind and that you are passionate about your business.

If you liked reading this, then look out for the next part. Till then, keep at it and sooner than you think, the world will tell your success story!

 

Ayo Al

About Ayo Al

An avid reader and writer, Ayo Al hopes particularly to refract the ills in the society through her writings. A professional blogger, she is available for content writing, freelance writing and book reviews. Her works of fiction can be purchased on Okadabooks. Ayo Al is also a business woman, fashion enthusiast and a dealer of watches.
Need to get in her good books? Correct Ijebu Garri, dry groundnut and very cold water could do the trick.

Check out her instagram: @Ibiyesimama_al and twitter @ibiyesimamaAl.

I blog @chachushub..com
see link below!
https://chachushub..com/blog/

As parents or caregivers, we want our children to grow strong and healthy. We also want them to have healthy confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we may do things that actually hurt our children’s confidence and self-esteem instead of helping it.
Here are five ways parents can kill children’s confidence:

. Comparing them to others: 
Instead of motivating your child to improve, comparisons will most likely make your child have low self-esteem. It is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within their peer group. Children need to know that they are accepted and loved for who they are, not because they are better or not as “good” as another. You do not want them to feel like they have to act like someone else to get your approval.

. Always solving their problems for them: 
Constantly solving a child’s problems or correcting their mistakes deprives them of a chance to learn, mature and develop self-confidence. This will ruin their chances of developing the skills and confidence required to navigate through life. When children solve their problems, even if they do not get it right, it is a great way to learn problem-solving skills.
Also, are you in the habit of speaking up for your child even when they are old enough to speak for themselves? This can make your child become withdrawn and lose confidence in their ability to speak for themselves. Allow your child to express themselves both in private and in public.

. Always shouting and nagging about their mistakes
Shouting at your children when helping them out with homework, or teaching them a skill can kill their confidence. As a parent, you have to be patient with your child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. At some point when you ask a question, they will be too scared to answer because of your shouting habit. Always correct them with care and make them feel that they can do it. But don’t over-pamper them. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it.

. Making fun of their physical differences:
Many parents want their kids to be physically and emotionally flawless. They often view their children’s physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Some young children have become anorexic just to escape being called “fat” while others become obese to avoid being called “skinny winky.” Most often than not, namecalling affects children’s self-esteem. These days, teenage girls cannot wait to turn 18, so that they can go in for surgery.

Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes.

. Living your life through them and planning their careers:
There are parents who plan their children’s lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond based on what they want for themselves. They believe that they are making their kids’ lives easier and less stressful. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many people are living their parents’ lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret.

It is okay to set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you’d like to see them go in, but let them have some independence. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live.

. Denying them your attention:
Children need and crave love and affection that only their parents can give. Not being there for your children creates “emotional neediness” in them. Some of these children crave and look for a “mother” and “father” figure in other people which could sometimes lead to abuse. Be intentional about spending time with your children. This might be difficult since we all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents. However, give your children all your attention, some of the time! Whenever you have time to spend with your children, ensure that they have all your attention. The occasional hugs, kisses and “I love you” should also not be forgotten.

Renowned Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was pictured at a private dinner with former US President Barack Obama, former First Lady Michelle Obama and other VIPs.

 

The Americanah author attended the dinner with her husband Dr Ivara Esege. Others present included Shaw-Scott, Steven Spielberg and wife, Kate Capshaw.

 

Ms Adichie’s brother, Chuka posted the photo to his Instagram page with the caption: “When my definition of a great evening is some of the greatest minds I admire meeting to have a private dinner and when the great minds include my darling little sister @chimamanda_adichie, President Barack Obama Michelle Obama @michelleobama, Steven Spielberg and his wife.”

 

 Chimamanda Adichie and husband Dr Esege dine with former US President Barack Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama

Credit: LIB

Teni the entertainer has opened up on how her seven years in the university inspired her hit single, ‘Uyo Meyo’.

In a recent documentary, Teniola Apata opened up on her world as an entertainer, her inspiration and her dream to win a Grammy.

Teni is so confident of her talent and abilities that she says she will not only win Grammys but also perform and sell out stadiums globally.

I believe I will win the Grammys, I know I will win the Grammys, I will win the Grammys and I will sell out stadiums around the world. I just know, it’s just in my soul,” she said during the 12 minute-long interview.

In the early part of the interview, Teni reminisced on how she has prophesied greatness to herself and how it came to be.

I told someone, you better take my picture, you better take my number because I will be a superstar. I was just saying it, do I even know what I was saying? I was just saying my own, but I just spoke it to the universe,” she reminisced.

Teni says she would only do what she feels or wish to do and not what others want her to do.

On her personality, the ‘Askamaya’ singer says she’s known to be a stubborn lady, who does solely what she wishes and not others wish for her.

People I grew up with, like friends, have always known me to be a stubborn person,” she began. “I do what I want to do because I just realise from a very young age that look here, how long am I going to be on this earth? I need to enjoy my life, as long as I am not harming anybody, I need to do what is best for Teni. I would rather fail at what I want to do than fail doing what someone told me to do. I’m comfortable in what I am wearing, I mean if I was wearing all these tight things, I won’t be comfortable,” she said.

For Teni, people’s worth is in their person and not their estimated worth. She says, “Everybody has something to offer, I can’t do your job, can’t hold the camera like the cameraman but you have to be with them to realise because in Nigeria, you being special depends on how much money you have. People don’t know their worth is in their skin.

Teni‘s confidence in her talent when she started was so strong that she told her label owner, Dr. Dolor that he would be making a huge mistake if he fails to sign her. “Here’s what I told my boss before he signed me. I told my boss (Dr. Dolor) that if you don’t sign me, you are going to be making a very bad decision because I’m different.

The 26-year-old BET awards nominee says her hit single, ‘Uyo Meyo’ is good music. In her words, “Uyo Meyo is good music. I have had governors call me because of ‘Uyo Meyo’ and I sat across Dangote because of ‘Case’. Isn’t that good music? Actually, I saw Dangote twice in a row, why? Isn’t that good music? ‘Uyo Meyo’ was a song that was just from the bottom of my heart. 

For Teni, her hit song, 'Uyo Meyo' is a good song that was created from the bottom of her heart.
For Teni, her hit song, ‘Uyo Meyo’ is a good song that was created from the bottom of her heart.

I was just in my car driving to graduation and on my way to graduation, I was listening to a song I had and I called the producer and said send me the beat because the beat was so spiritual and I just started freestyling in my car and that’s just how ‘Uyo Meyo’ came out. It just came from me being grateful to God for everything thus far. For me, even being able to complete the programme, it took me 7 years to graduate from the university,” she told her interviewer.

During the interview, Teni confesses to loving roadside stuff that includes local Nigerian snacks.

She went further to share what she has learned after one of her hit singles, ‘Case,’ was released in Nigeria. She said, “I learned something vital when I dropped ‘Case’. If you want to keep making good music, you can not think about making a hit song, you just have to make good music. You just have to have that juice and mindset that I want to make good music. I don’t know if it’s a hit or not, and if it’s a hit, we thank God. If it’s not a hit we keep trying.”

Continuing, she said, “By the time Askamaya blew, I was in America, they were telling me that my song has blown in Nigeria. When I returned to Lagos, people were already calling me olomoge askamaya and I was like…It blew up in London like crazy, like a wildfire.”

For her legacy, Teni wants to live a fully well-spent one. “I want to make sure that when I am dead and people gather around me to sing goodbye, and they are singing it is well, I will know that it is well. And I live my life for myself and I don’t leave my life for anybody.”

 

 

Credit: Pulse

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JULY 23: (L-R) Wendy Williams attends SiriusXM Town Hall with Wendy Williams hosted by SiriusXM host Karen Hunter at SiriusXM Studios on July 23, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for SiriusXM)

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JULY 23: Wendy Williams attends SiriusXM Town Hall with Wendy Williams hosted by SiriusXM host Karen Hunter at SiriusXM Studios on July 23, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for SiriusXM)

In a chat with Karen, Wendy Williams opened up about her alleged feud with Blac Chyna‘s mum Tokyo Toni.

She also spoke about her need to have a sober house to feel safe as well as her relationship with her ex.

Wendy Williams got emotional when Karen Hunter asked about how she was handling her recent separation from Kevin Hunter Sr. When asked whether she’ll change her name on credit card and bank accounts, Wendy got choked up.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JULY 23: Wendy Williams attends SiriusXM Town Hall with Wendy Williams hosted by SiriusXM host Karen Hunter at SiriusXM Studios on July 23, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for SiriusXM)

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JULY 23: Wendy Williams attends SiriusXM Town Hall with Wendy Williams hosted by SiriusXM host Karen Hunter at SiriusXM Studios on July 23, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for SiriusXM)

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – JULY 23: Wendy Williams attends SiriusXM Town Hall with Wendy Williams hosted by SiriusXM host Karen Hunter at SiriusXM Studios on July 23, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for SiriusXM)

She said:

My name is Wendy Hunter. That’s my son’s name. You can’t take away twenty…don’t make me cry… Next.

She added, “I’m happy, I’m healthy…I’m at peace with the world and everyone around…I’m going through a situation in my family.”

“Is there a chance…” Karen began to ask.

“No! Don’t ask. Girl. No. Don’t ask. I know what you’re saying…but my family’s good, and we’ll always be family

Watch below.

Watch below.

Photo Credit: Getty Images/Astrid Stawiarz

Photo Credit: Getty Images/Astrid Stawiarz

 

 

Credit: LIB

Described as “skilful, sharp and engaging a debut as any first novelist can produce,” Oyinkan’s novel is the only debut on the 13-man longlist also featuring Chigozie Obioma‘s An Orchestra of Minorities.

Chigozie had been shortlisted in 2015 for his debut The Fishermen, and his second novel is loosely based on the Odyssey.

Others on the shortlist are:

  • Margaret Atwood from Canada for her highly anticipated novel, The Testaments.
  • Kevin Barry from Ireland for his crime fiction, Night Boat to Tangier.
  • Lucy Ellmann from the USA/UK for her 1000-word single sentence novel, Ducks, Newburyport.
  • Bernardine Evaristo from the UK for her novel about the lives of black women, Girl, Woman, Other.
  • John Lanchester from the UK for his dystopian novel, The Wall.
  • Deborah Levy from the UK for her novel which slips between time zones, The Man Who Saw Everything.
  • Valeria Luiselli from Mexico/Italy for her first novel published in the English Language, Lost Children Archive.
  • Max Porter from the UK for his novel about a missing boy, Lanny.
  • Salman Rushdie from the India for his novel based on Don Quixote, Quichotte.
  • Elif Shafak from the Turkey for her novel which details the memories of a dead Istanbul sex worker, 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in This Strange World.
  • and Jeanette Winterson from the UK for her novel based on Frankenstein, Frankissstein.

The Booker Prize (formerly the Man Booker Prize) is a £50,000 prize awarded to the best novel written in the English Language. Until 2014, it was awarded to only novels written by writers from the Commonwealth, Irish, South African and Zimbabwe.

Nigerian magical realism writer Ben Okriwon the prize in 1991 for his novel The Famished Road.

You can read excerpts of Oyinkan Braithwaite’s My Sister, the Serial Killerwhose copies we gave away, on BellaNaija hereherehere and here.

 

 

Credit: Bella Naija

Captain Simisola Ajibola is the pilot who averted the near tragedy on Air Peace aircraft that happened at the Muratala Mohammed International Airport Lagos yesterday July 23rd.

 

Meet the beautiful Nigerian pilot who averted the near tragedy in Lagos airport (photos)

Meet the beautiful Nigerian pilot who averted the near tragedy in Lagos airport (photos)Meet the beautiful Nigerian pilot who averted the near tragedy in Lagos airport (photos)

Credit: LIB