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Are you dating a man child? Do you know the attributes of a man child? There are many men in relationships who behave like children and expect their women to keep putting up with their childish behaviour. They don’t know what it means to love and respect a woman. Some men still behave like babies who need to be bottle fed because they are still holding on to the archaic belief that men are like babies.

Such men are bad news. Women should stop putting up with them for the sake of their sanity. Women should be careful not to fall for the tantrums these men throw. They are the ones who believe that abuse is not bad. They subtly encourage emotional and psychological abuse. They use religion and culture to cover up abuse.

Here are 10 characteristics of a man child women shouldn’t ignore:

He refuses to grow up

A man child refuses to grow up. He believes that a woman must babysit him, take care of him and clean up after him. Dealing with this kind of man brings nothing but drama and heartaches. He expects you to wash his clothes, clean his apartment, clean up after his relatives, and pay his bills too. When he goes into debt, he expects you to bail him out. He expects you to always make excuses for his bad behaviour, rationalize his poor choices and please him at all costs.

He whines about not getting sex

When you are not in the mood to have sex, the man child throws a tantrum. He complains about not getting what he wants like a child he didn’t get his favourite candy. He remains in a bad mood and becomes distant for not getting what he wants. He punishes you for not having sex with him by being moody. He also gives you the silent treatment. He doesn’t care about you or your reasons for not having sex with him. He’s selfish. It’s all about him. You really don’t matter.

He avoids conflict

Don’t let a man make you feel like you are troublesome because you need to discuss an issue. That is one of the signs of a man child. He will tell you he doesn’t want to fight and  won’t engage in an argument. He will claim that you love fight too much instead of listening to your concerns and working with you to make sure your relationship continues to go smoothly. Sometimes, arguing is part of a healthy relationship.

He avoids responsibilities

He will try to get away with doing things for you no matter how little they are. If you need a ride to the airport, he will come up with excuses as to why he can’t do it. If you need help with your car, he has reasons why he just can’t be there.

He tries to make you jealous

If a man child is unfaithful, or flirts with other women in your presence, he dismisses your concerns about his irresponsible actions. When you say it makes you uncomfortable, he tells you that doing that is not technically cheating.

He is quick to stop his woman from advancing in her career

All a man child wants to do is play with you. So if you can’t join him for fun because you are working hard for yourself and making your own money, he is not excited for you. He is not proud of you. He only complains that you don’t spend time with him. he sees your advancement to the top as a threat to his masculinity. Dealing with a man child is stressful. It’s like everything you do or say is a problem.

He supports gender equality when it benefits him

A man child supports feminism only when it suits him and when his woman has to settle his bills. That is when he will shout gender equality until his voice goes hoarse. A man child will let you foot the bill every time, because you have a lot more money than he does or because you offer to do so. He won’t remember then that it is an abomination for a woman to pay for a man’s food or take care of his money needs.

He subscribes to toxic masculinity

He thinks to be masculine means to never discuss emotions. He sees men who show emotions as weak men. If you try to ask him about his feelings, he becomes irritated with you, as if you are crossing a line and shouts you down. A man child leaves you feeling like you did something wrong.

He splashes negative feelings everywhere

A man child can be a little bit too comfortable with his emotions. He may have been a spoiled child whose tantrums were never dealt with. He will go to your friend’s birthday party in a bad mood sulking about what happened to him that day. He will not control his emotions, even if that means ruining everyone else’s mood.

He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions

Such men don’t know what it means to be responsible or take responsibility for their actions. They blame you for cheating on you, blame you for being abusive and also blame you when things start going downhill for them. Such men find it hard to own up to their mistakes and actions.

Veteran model, Naomi Campbell has revealed that there was still a possibility that she might become a mother someday.

In an interview with Paris Match,Campbell, who is 49 years old, was asked whether she missed being a mother.

She replied, “No. By the way, who said I would not be a mother someday?”

Meanwhile, she also revealed her experience of racism during the last Cannes Film Festival held in France.

She revealed she had been invited to an event at a hotel in the south of France but wasn’t allowed in because of the colour of her skin.

Campbell said, “I was recently in a city in the south of France, at the time of the Cannes Film Festival, where I was invited to participate in an event in a hotel whose name I will not mention. They did not want to let my friend and I in because of the colour of my skin. The guy at the entrance pretended that the place was complete. But he let other people pass.”

She added, “It is for these kinds of shocking moments that I will continue to express myself and make myself heard.”

 

 

Credit: punch.ng

Hephzibah Frances, author and social entrepreneur is set to host a healing conference for sexual abuse victims.

Frances who also doubles as a lawyer and the founder of ‘ Women At The Well’ a Christian women ministry based in Lagos, said her burden for sexually abused women inspired the meeting.

“I had a burden for sex abused women during a retreat last year and could feel their pain, hurt and brokenness”.

On why she is hosting the event at this moment, she said:”It is time. We wrote the book last year but now more than even before, many women are crying out for healing from pains from the past”

The event holding on Saturday August 3rd 2019 will be featuring Oma Grace Okonkwo and Iyinoluwa Onduru   who are survivors of sexual abuse.

The epoch-making event will be holding at Petit Paris Café, Admiralty Way, Lekki Phase 1 Lagos by 10am.

Frances also stated the reason behind her choice of speakers, saying: ”They were both abused – one at 8 years old and the other by a bike man while coming back from church. Both are married now, healed from the past and thriving in God. That there is healing in God. The Fathers heart is love towards them and they can be restored after past abuse and brokenness which is a restoration our speakers have found too”.

***Posted for free as part of our vision to support women and also identify with victims of domestic abuse***

With the issue of rape and sexual molestation currently a trending issue, everybody especially women need to be conversant about different ways to avoid getting raped or sexually assaulted.

The use of drugs is one of the ways rapists employ to assist them in their nefarious activity and these drugs are quite powerful and dangerous. Known as date rape drugs, they can be slipped into your drink when you are not looking and because the drugs often have no colour, smell, or taste, it is hard for you to tell you are being drugged until the deed has been done.

Before you go on your next date or take that drink from that ‘perfect gentleman’, here are some date rape drugs, their street names as well as effects on your body that you should know about.

Gamma Hydroxybutyrate Acid (GHB)

Gamma Hydroxybutyrate Acid | Photo – Twitter

Usually made by people in a home or street lab, and a small amount of GHB can have a major effect as it is a very potent drug. It is quite easy to overdose on GHB and the street names for GHB are Grievous Bodily Harm, Liquid G, Easy Lay, Liquid Ecstasy, Georgia Home Boy and Great Hormones at Bedtime. It takes effect in about 15 minutes and can last between three to four hours.

GHB can cause these problems:

  • Drowsiness
  • Nausea
  • Loss of consciousness (blackout)
  • Problems breathing
  • Sweating
  • Vomiting
  • Slow heart rate
  • Coma
  • Death

Ketamine

Ketamine | Photo – Pinterest

This is a very fast-acting drug and boasts of the street names Special K, Vitamin K, KitKat and Purple Bump.

Under the effect of this drug, you might be aware of what is going on around you but usually, you are unable to move and it more often than not causes memory problems as you might not be able to remember what happened while you were drugged.

Ketamine can cause these problems:

  • Distorted perceptions of sight and sound
  • Lost sense of time and identity
  • Dream-like feeling
  • Feeling out of control
  • Vomiting
  • Memory problems
  • Numbness
  • Depression

Rohypnol

Rohypnol | Photo – Twitter

Known on the street as Roofies, R-2s, Roches, the Forget-Me pill, Whiteys, and Mind-Eraser, the effects of this potent drug can be felt within 30 minutes of being taken in and usually last for several hours. Under the influence of the drug, there is a tendency for you to act like a drunk and have trouble standing. Other effects include slurred speech or unconsciousness. Rohypnol can cause these problems:

  • Muscle relaxation or loss of muscle control
  • Drunk feeling
  • Problem with talking
  • Nausea
  • Loss of consciousness (blackout)
  • Confusion
  • Dizziness
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Stomach problems
  • Death
Source: Guardian 

It is sad that many women are crumbling under the weight of abusive and dysfunctional marriages

It is sad that these women believe this is normal. They see themselves as Messiahs that have the magic wand to make their relationships and marriages successful.

What a pity! It is a suicide mission trying to keep a relationship all by myself. You will crumble under that weight. It is not meant for you alone as a woman.

One of the lies that was sold to women many years ago was that the success and failure of their relationships or marriages was their sole duty.

Why many women are crumbling under the weight of abusive marriages

This is why we see many women crumbling under the weight of abusive and terrible marriages. They are being maltreated, yet everywhere they turn to for help, they are told to put in more effort for their marriages not to fail.

They go back home to continue enduring emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and verbal abuse. But they also wonder why their marriages are hell on earth.

Woman, you cannot do it alone. You cannot build a happy home alone. You can’t be building when your man is tearing it down with his actions. Don’t kill yourself for nothing.

It is not your job to keep a man interested in you or your relationship. He’s either making efforts to be the man you need or he’s not. You can’t force him to be who he’s not.

You don’t need to sacrifice your sanity or life for a bad relationship. You don’t even need to change yourself or stop living because of any man.

Respect yourself and demand to be respected too. All the people telling you to keep enduring a bad relationship won’t be in it with you nor suffer the consequences with you.

Live your life. You are lovable and perfect just the way you are. It’s not your fault if that man can’t see the wonderful woman that you are. Just don’t die on his behalf.

Relationships are not magic. It involves conscious efforts from both parties to make it work. Women, stop crumbling under the weight of abusive marriages. It’s not worth it.

You are just harming yourselves emotionally, psychologically and mentally. This is why many women are battling different ailments in their later life because of the effects of staying in abusive and loveless marriages.

Stop.

Source: Feminine.com.ng

Leslie Irby has made history as the first known Black woman with a disability to earn a pilot’s license.

The East Point, Georgia, resident didn’t let a wheelchair hinder her from achieving her goals. At age 16, she began flying at a local airport in Atlanta as part of the ACE (Aviation Career Enrichment) program. According to Because of Them We Can, she always looked up to famed Black aviator Bessie Coleman.

The ACE program was hosted by the Organization of Black Aerospace Professionals. Because of other Black pilots and professionals, Irby got the chance to manifest her dreams.

However, a devastating accident changed everything for the young fly girl. Seven years after her first flight, she was involved in a car crash that left her with a lifelong disability in 2013. Two people walked away from the collision, two were paralyzed and two died. Irby was one of the two who were paralyzed.

She told the outlet that doctors gave her the news she suffered a spinal cord injury. The news was life-changing but also inspired her to push forward.

“I started rehab at Shepard Center, in Atlanta,” Irby recalled. “The first day I was told I would be in a wheelchair, the therapist came in my room and I asked, ‘Do you all have a pink one I can borrow?’ They all laughed, but I knew this wasn’t going to be bad, this was going to be a new start, so why not be myself through it!”

Sometime after the routine doctor’s appointments, she wanted to return to the cockpit. Irby came across a program called Able Flight that aimed at getting people with disabilities back into the pilot’s chair.

She applied for a scholarship this year, was accepted and then started flight training at Purdue University on May 18. The work was hard and worth every minute. Within a month, she completed her first solo flight. 

On June 28, she passed her check ride, which is the final test needed to become a pilot, and received her official sport pilots license. She received her pilot’s wings at EAA AirVenture on Tuesday.

“My wheelchair is my blessing, I have so much more rockin n’ rollin to do!” she said.

 

 

Credit: blavity.com

Why do we often   blame situations or other people when you don’t reach our targets?

Perhaps you are are the one  holding yourself  back from achieving success or, if you possibly limit your results because of what you believe?

Limiting beliefs have a way of creeping up on us; they reveal themselves in different ways. Even if we think our beliefs all support us, a limiting belief can often rear its ugly head just when we least expect it and completely stop us in our tracks or make things feel harder than they actually could be.

What is  a Belief in this context you may ask?

It  is simply a feeling of certainty about what something means. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s a story we have been telling ourselves throughout our lives unconsciously looking for proof of its truth. We find plenty of proof because that’s what we are looking for and, the more proof we find, the more certain we feel. This means we can either create more potential, or more limitation depending on what the belief actually is

Here are  5 of the most common self-limiting beliefs you need to be aware of and some practical tips to assist you to move through them

1. I Can’t

This is one of the most limiting beliefs you can imagine, because it gives no opportunity of you being able to do what you are telling yourself you can’t. The more you repeat this statement, the more you begin to believe it. Your unconscious mind is always listening and it responds to what you are telling it. Some people have even described this response as physically feeling blocked.

Even if you are just using this phrase to excuse yourself from doing something for someone else, then find another way of saying it, for example “I am unable to do that for you right now”.

There is no such thing as, “I can’t” and this is because you always have a choice. You can do anything you set your mind to and even if you don’t have the skills yet, then you have the ability to learn those skills. If you truly believe you can’t at the moment, then add the word “yet” to the end of your statement to create more potential.

  1. I Don’t Have Time

When you repeatedly say the same thing, you start to believe it and this means you will never find the time to do what you want. Holding on to this belief can keep you stuck for years.

When you start to see time as it really is which is just a social construct, you empower yourself to create a belief that works for you instead of against you. There is a simple and practical way you can do this:

Making a few simple tweaks in your own behavior, you will notice that you “always have enough time”, it’s just your choice as to how you use it, and you can begin to nurture that new belief.

3. I Am Not Good Enough

This is probably the most fundamentally limiting belief and it’s one that most of us can attest to having been at the mercy of at some point in our life.

We are always good enough and that’s the reason why we are here. We are good enough for each person, situation and opportunity that presents itself. Yet at some point in our life when our safety and certainty was threatened, we chose to believe that wasn’t true.

Because of this experience and what we decided to believe, we run patterns of behavior that are designed to protect us. When we are about to do something that will stretch our capabilities, we have a little voice that warns us of danger and tells us we can’t do it or we shouldn’t do it. This means we can often get in our own way and miss out on those opportunities, relationships and situations that can help us achieve what we want.

4.  I Will Be Judged

We can often hold ourselves back from doing new things because we are afraid other people will judge us and see us as lacking in some way. Remember, we often focus on our fear; and the more we focus on this, we will see more examples of people judging us.

You have no control over what others think or feel and most of the time, they don’t think anything about you at all. They are more concerned with what they think or feel about themselves, just like you are.

If you feel judged by other people, it’s more often than not just a reflection you see of your own thoughts and judgments about yourself

When fear of judgment comes up for you, ask yourself “Where am I judging myself right now?” Remind yourself that no matter what outcome you get, just the fact that you are showing up and giving things a go means you are always more than good enough, and that deserves acknowledgment.

  1. I Am Not as Good as Them

This is a self-limiting belief based on comparison. When we compare ourselves with others, it can really freeze us in our tracks.

This very limiting belief has become more prevalent since the upward surge of social media. It can cause us to waste precious energy, feeling we don’t have what it takes.

If you find yourself comparing and feeling emotions like jealousy, loss of confidence, annoyance or self-consciousness, then you can bet your bottom dollar this belief is playing out unconsciously.

Remind yourself that we are all different. This means we all have unique personalities, a range of different strengths and natural talents. It also means we all have different traits that require development. No one does everything perfectly and this is why we can all easily compliment each other in different ways.

There is no less than or more than, there is just difference. Just because they do it differently to you, doesn’t mean you are not as good as them; it just means you are unique and that is a good thing.

The Bottom Line

Identifying and acknowledging your self-limiting beliefs is the first step in taking back your own power. Blame can keep you stuck for years and over time erodes your self-esteem and can even cause you to go backwards.

True sustainable success is achieved from the inside out, by making the choice to work on your own belief system. It’s vital you weed out any beliefs that are limiting you in any way. This is the way to true empowerment and success, where you will open up your full potential and over time you will notice your life will become limitless.

Source: Lifehacks

Business seems to be the real deal these days. Almost every one you come in contact with owns a business – from clothes to food, to agriculture, to cosmetics. Everyone wants to get their hands into something. Social media, has in recent times, become a tool for sales; but, while some people use it to its fullest advantage, others haven’t gotten the hang of it yet.

As an entrepreneur/business owner, you have to realise that you aren’t the only marketer in town. There are a billion others out there, so how you make your brand different and drive clients your way should be considered. Asides sellers on social media, there are business owners who have shops, easily accessible ones that one can walk into and buy stuff, so the question is: why should I trust my money into the hands of a stranger? Especially when I do not know the quality of goods I’ll be getting, or if the individual is a fraud.

Today, I’ll be discussing some errors which really dents businesses. You wonder why you aren’t making as much sales as you like? Then maybe your answer might be here.

Error #1: Your Instagram page is PRIVATE!
A while ago, a friend of mine posted a picture and gave credit to an online store for making her dress. I liked the dress and was interested in making one too, so I clicked on the tagged name only for me to see that the page was private. This doesn’t in anyway show seriousness as a business owner. Your page should only be private when everything on your page is about your personal life and not business. But telling a potential client that they have to follow your page before they can do business with you just doesn’t cut it. Let them follow you if they find your services faultless. Dear business owner, leave your page accessible to potential customers.

Error #2: You have the “No DMS, No messages, just calls!” on your bio
This is another error business owners on social media make. If you really love sales, I think you would open up every avenue for your clients to reach you and your services. What makes your business so special that you can’t be “DMd?” Why can’t you receive WhatsApp messages regarding details of your business? Please always put your customers first.

Error #3: Replying messages/inquires late
Business requires time and commitment and if you aren’t ready to put that into yours, then maybe business isn’t for you. I remember when I started my business, I needed carrier bags which would have my logo on it to be used in delivering my goods. I searched the ‘gram and found a few Instagram pages which were into that. I called, messaged almost ten people, but I either did not get a feedback or I was told my call would be returned. One person actually returned my call two days later and called me so many times over the next week, I was forced to block the line. If you cannot reply messages or answer calls immediately, please do as soon as possible and apologise for any inconveniences first. This shows you are a person of integrity and your business can be trusted.

Error #4: Posting poorly taken photos
This one can be an instant turn off. Most people who buy things on social media do so because they fell in love with the images posted. As a business owner who wants more sale, pay particular attention to the quality of your pictures. I do not think that I will purchase anything from a store whose pictures are taken in poorly lit places and on dirty platforms. Excellent picture quality says a lot about you and your business. They help to catch the attention of potential buyers. It is now left to you to retain this interest and ensure they close the deal.

Error #5: Not replying comments under the post
Several times, I see comments like “how do I get this? How do I order? Where are you based?” under posts and the strange thing is that these comments get no replies. Yes, I’m the first to admit that some customers can be exasperating. They want the same thing said over and over again, but that’s why as a business owner, you cannot excel without great patience skills. Ensure you reply comments underneath your posts. This shows that you have your customers in mind and that you are passionate about your business.

If you liked reading this, then look out for the next part. Till then, keep at it and sooner than you think, the world will tell your success story!

 

Ayo Al

About Ayo Al

An avid reader and writer, Ayo Al hopes particularly to refract the ills in the society through her writings. A professional blogger, she is available for content writing, freelance writing and book reviews. Her works of fiction can be purchased on Okadabooks. Ayo Al is also a business woman, fashion enthusiast and a dealer of watches.
Need to get in her good books? Correct Ijebu Garri, dry groundnut and very cold water could do the trick.

Check out her instagram: @Ibiyesimama_al and twitter @ibiyesimamaAl.

I blog @chachushub..com
see link below!
https://chachushub..com/blog/

As parents or caregivers, we want our children to grow strong and healthy. We also want them to have healthy confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we may do things that actually hurt our children’s confidence and self-esteem instead of helping it.
Here are five ways parents can kill children’s confidence:

. Comparing them to others: 
Instead of motivating your child to improve, comparisons will most likely make your child have low self-esteem. It is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within their peer group. Children need to know that they are accepted and loved for who they are, not because they are better or not as “good” as another. You do not want them to feel like they have to act like someone else to get your approval.

. Always solving their problems for them: 
Constantly solving a child’s problems or correcting their mistakes deprives them of a chance to learn, mature and develop self-confidence. This will ruin their chances of developing the skills and confidence required to navigate through life. When children solve their problems, even if they do not get it right, it is a great way to learn problem-solving skills.
Also, are you in the habit of speaking up for your child even when they are old enough to speak for themselves? This can make your child become withdrawn and lose confidence in their ability to speak for themselves. Allow your child to express themselves both in private and in public.

. Always shouting and nagging about their mistakes
Shouting at your children when helping them out with homework, or teaching them a skill can kill their confidence. As a parent, you have to be patient with your child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. At some point when you ask a question, they will be too scared to answer because of your shouting habit. Always correct them with care and make them feel that they can do it. But don’t over-pamper them. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it.

. Making fun of their physical differences:
Many parents want their kids to be physically and emotionally flawless. They often view their children’s physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Some young children have become anorexic just to escape being called “fat” while others become obese to avoid being called “skinny winky.” Most often than not, namecalling affects children’s self-esteem. These days, teenage girls cannot wait to turn 18, so that they can go in for surgery.

Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes.

. Living your life through them and planning their careers:
There are parents who plan their children’s lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond based on what they want for themselves. They believe that they are making their kids’ lives easier and less stressful. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many people are living their parents’ lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret.

It is okay to set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you’d like to see them go in, but let them have some independence. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live.

. Denying them your attention:
Children need and crave love and affection that only their parents can give. Not being there for your children creates “emotional neediness” in them. Some of these children crave and look for a “mother” and “father” figure in other people which could sometimes lead to abuse. Be intentional about spending time with your children. This might be difficult since we all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents. However, give your children all your attention, some of the time! Whenever you have time to spend with your children, ensure that they have all your attention. The occasional hugs, kisses and “I love you” should also not be forgotten.

Renowned Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was pictured at a private dinner with former US President Barack Obama, former First Lady Michelle Obama and other VIPs.

 

The Americanah author attended the dinner with her husband Dr Ivara Esege. Others present included Shaw-Scott, Steven Spielberg and wife, Kate Capshaw.

 

Ms Adichie’s brother, Chuka posted the photo to his Instagram page with the caption: “When my definition of a great evening is some of the greatest minds I admire meeting to have a private dinner and when the great minds include my darling little sister @chimamanda_adichie, President Barack Obama Michelle Obama @michelleobama, Steven Spielberg and his wife.”

 

 Chimamanda Adichie and husband Dr Esege dine with former US President Barack Obama & First Lady Michelle Obama

Credit: LIB