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How To Ask For What You Want

Societal conditioning, being mansplained and interrupted, being labeled a selfish bitch, sure that’s part of the reason it can be hard for us to speak up and ask for what we want as women and…

…there is also the fear of naming what you want, of taking it seriously.

Asking for what you want means ignoring societal conditioning, not minding what people will say, being bold enough to acknowledge and declare that your desires are worth paying attention to, regardless.

When is the last time you asked for what you wanted without waiting until everybody else got what they wanted first?

When was the last time you asked your colleague, “I want to see a doctor tomorrow could you please help me complete this task while I am away?” Instead of, “Do you think maybe, if it’s okay with you, and it’s not too much, you could help me complete this task while I see a doctor?”

Or you start to have sex with your partner and he asks you what you’re in the mood for and you say, “Whatever you want,” but you really have something very specific in mind?

Or you’ve decided to go back to school but you know that means changing things up in the family, who does childcare /cooking /cleaning but you keep putting off talking to your spouse, instead you make passive slightly aggressive jabs about who does the most.

Or maybe you are superb at asking for what you want at work but not so much for your creative life or your health.
We all have areas of our lives where owning our desires and power is more comfortable.

what if we expand our range of asking?

What if we start asking clearly and boldly for what we want?

Even if it makes us stutter. Blush. Stumble.

We can slow down and remind ourselves no one is going to die if we make our wants clear.

We can take the time to get the other person’s attention.

We can practice making sure we are asking, not demanding, reminding ourselves they can say no, they can make a different suggestion, and that doesn’t negate our desires or mean we can’t get support in another way.

Let us stretch to let ourselves know what we want, and then own it in front of someone we trust.

Every time we do this, we feel so much more alive. Like Oprah, Kamala Harris and Michelle Obama combined.

From whom could you make one clear bold request today?

Clear requests save time, they save heartache, they cut down on confusion, but most of all, they say “My desires matter!”

From whom could you make one clear bold request today?

What is stopping you?

Why are you holding back?

What is the worst that can happen?

Take that bold step and ask for what you want TODAY!

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#RubyGIRL”| Volunteering Has Taught Me To Be Kind And Compassionate- Oluwatoyin Olayemi

Oluwatoyin Olayemi holds a Bachelor’s degree in Library and Information Science from Delta State University, Abraka. A Fashion Designer(unisex clothing),An experienced, Competent and Passionate Teen Coach and Child Safety Advocate trained by Piece of My Heart Foundation.

She is currently the program manager at Piece Of My Heart Foundation (POMHF)

Driven by love for change, humanity, helping teenagers live a healthy and purposeful life, Oluwatoyin Volunteers with POMHF to coach teens.

Oluwatoyin is keen at helping to achieve Sustainable Development Goal (SDG) 4&5 by helping Women and children understand the concept of sex education, seeing that children have a healthy and safe upbringing void of abuse via sensitization_

Oluwatoyin has a platform @chatwith_toyin where she reach out to teenage girls in her community.

She was the president of her fellowship during her undergraduate days also the NCCF Kwara State Sisters Cord while serving her father’s land.

She is a Yali Member, a Public Speaker, a passionate youth advocate and a serial Volunteer with years of experience.

She shares her “Ruby Girl” story with the team .

1. Let’s meet you. Who is Oluwatoyin Olayemi?

Oluwatoyin Olayemi is the 4th child from the family of seven parent inclusive.
I’m a graduate of Library and Information Science from Delta State University..
Oluwatoyin is a passionate lover of Jesus Christ, a change maker, a hope giver, a teen coach and a fashion designer.
She lives because Christ lives in her.
I am the programs manager @piece of my heart foundation, I have a platform where I reach out to teens @chatwith_toyin and I’m also a co founder of Rhakel’s couture.

2. What inspired you to study Library and Information Science ?

Hmmm, inspiration ke? Well, I studied LIS because I didn’t have any choice.
I did Pre Degree, I was admitted to study Geography and Regional Planning but I didn’t have Geography in Waec so I was transferred to LIS which is the second option for social science students who enrolled for pre degree. That was how I became a Library student.

3. As a volunteer, what has it taught you.

Volunteering has taught me to be kind and compassionate, to love more and to appreciate God more for who and where I am. Volunteering has also helped me to appreciate the gift of men.. People! We can’t do without people in our lives

4. What is the greatest challenge for young entrepreneurs in Nigeria?

As a young entrepreneur, there are so many challenges we face in Nigeria. Some of the perceived challenges include lack of information on what entrepreneurship entails , taxation and regulatory issues, limited understanding of market structure and lack of proper mentorship amidst others.

 

5. Why did you become a teens coach?

Being a teens coach was birthed from the desire to see young people tread on the right path. To lend an helping hand through the journey of teenagehood.

For me, I had no one to put me through life, I figured life out myself with the help of God.
My former boss said he graduated at 19 because he got it right on time. He had a mentor that helped him through his journey early enough.

6. What are the challenges you encountered as a teens coach and child safety advocate?

Some teenagers are hard to help, they feel they know everything and don’t like people intruding into their life’s affairs. So, you have to be very strategic to help the ‘I know it all’ teenagers.

Another challenge is that parents feel they know all too. For example, I am not married and don’t have my own kids yet, because of this some parents will be like ‘what do you know about children’? Go and give birth to your own first before you talk to us.
Most of these parents aren’t willing to come out of their ignorance.

3. Finance: Sometimes I wish to reach out to young girls in the slum but I don’t have enough resources to make my desire a reality.

4. The right against women and children should be well preserved by the Government and perpetrators should be brought to book irrespective.

7. There is a decline of Library usage by students, as a Library graduate what do you think is the way out?

We Nigerians don’t like to read, we aren’t even familiar with the library.
The only way out is for parents to imbibe a good reading culture in their children.
Thereby reading won’t be a challenge when they are grown.

Secondly, the Government should establish more libraries in all cities and make them very conducive for learning. This will help increase our appetite for reading.

Thirdly, they should make it free. I wanted to visit the Museum recently and I was asked to pay a sum of N300. That’s not encouraging.

 

 

8. What was growing up in a Nigerian home like for you? Did it in anyway contribute to everything you do now?

Beautiful question. Growing up for me was not fun. I played though but I went through a lot.
I battled with self esteem for a long time, I was a slow child and wasn’t doing well academically.

I had so much battles that I can’t even state here.

I didn’t have any body to put me through life which led to my desire to help young ones.

 

9. If you were to be the President of Nigeria for a day, what would you change?

1. Projects and Programs on a paradigm shift in mindset.. This country can only be better when we have the right mindset towards life.

2. Our Educational System

3. There should be a market price policy whereby no individual can just wake up to inflate the prices of goods and services.. Nothing should be monopolized.

4. Equal right to life. Ensuring that the human right is preserved.

5. Electricity

10. Mention 3 women who inspire you and why?

There are so many wonderful women in my life but I will mention just 3 as requested.

1. My mom. The super industrious and super amazing woman. A business woman per excellence. Very meticulous and accountable.

2.DDK… Debola Deji Kurumi is one woman that inspires me so much. How she balance her ministry, family and organization so well amazes me.

3. Adebara Adebimpe. Her passion, her resilient spirit, her commitment is second to none.

11. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

I see myself ministered to over 5000 teenagers. I see myself taking Rhakel’s Couture to the next level and I also see myself doing whatever He (God) says I should do.

12. How do you juggle being a teens coach, child safety advocate and running a fashion house?

For now there is no much juggling because I’m just coming up. Taking things one step at a time.

13. If you were allowed to address a group of young females five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

This is the best time to marry yourself and birth the best out of you. You are enough with God on your side.

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8 Simple Ways to Get Your Scary Tasks Done

Because we all get in our way. We all turn away from what brings us most alive.

Women on the adventure called showing up for your life, let’s flip right into doing something fresh, shall we? Let’s outsmart and go past doing things the same old way.

Here are 8 simple ways to get your scary tasks done:

# 1 – Ask: What would you tell your best friend to do next, if she was in the same situation and asked your advice?

First thoughts – quick write them down as they pop up your head.

Now go do that next step that you would so applaud your BFF for doing.

# 2 – Give up thinking there’s a right way to deal with your fear (because there isn’t)

Maybe you like to hip check your fear into the corner and tell it to shut up. Or maybe you like to greet your fear with a gentle “Hello. What do you need to be okay with me moving forward? Because forward I will go.” Or maybe outside support in the form of coach or a class works best for you.

There’s no one “right” way to handle fear. What matters is that you don’t let it run your life. Remind yourself you are not fear. You have plenty of resources to get through whatever situation you’re in. And please forget the idea of managing fear “spiritually” or the“right” way. That kind of reasoning is usually a sign fear is running you.

So if you find yourself thinking that you aren’t managing fear correctly, consider that just might be fear’s voice in your ear.

# 3 – Forget beginning at the beginning

Beginning is simply starting.

Thinking you need to know the perfect beginning of your project before you can start can keep you stuck for years, send you looping back to begin the perfect beginning again and again. Jump in anywhere. Do something. Then ask, “What’s the next simple step?” Repeat.

Yes, at some point, it’s useful to step back and access where you are going, to see if you are reasonably on course but not at the beginning. You don’t know enough. You may know next to nothing which makes you afraid and sends you back to “start again the right way.” Resist!

#4 – What if you aren’t afraid (confused, overwhelmed, self-doubting, etc.) but you need to strengthen your emotional immune system?

We aren’t afraid of change, we are afraid of being undefended. This makes sense when you think of how we lived for most of our human history: in tribes, where it was safer.

The idea is to figure out what to do to help yourself feel safe (or defended) while taking action on things that you care deeply about but that also scare the crap out of you.

How can you do that? There are lots of ways. One is the micro-practice of calming your nervous system throughout the day. Whenever you notice yourself flipping out or numbing out, savor your breath, extend your exhale, and feel your body here – safe and present.

#5 – Your future self knows zilch.

Your brain regularly convinces you that your future self will be a far better, smarter, more disciplined person that the current you . That’s why we say things like “Tomorrow I’ll start exercising!” or “Next week I will do deep work for two hours before I check social media every single day.” Only there is no future self. When tomorrow or next week arrives, it will be you that arrives, too.

Don’t let this truth depress you! The you you are today is totally sufficient! She is more than good enough to make your project a reality. Waiting for your better future self is another of fear’s ploys to keep you safe – aka, in the same place.

To bring your future self together with your current self, do something you like to do while taking action on what you’re putting off. I’m listening to slow music while I write this. Maybe yours is co-working with a friend while you do your scary s tuff or wearing your favorite outfit while making that hard phone call.

Pleasure plus action!

# 6 – Forget visualizing your success

Research has shown that focusing on being done and dusted and aglow with success with your project is actually demotivating. I personally find it makes me all uptight and pushy, rather than open and consistently taking joyful action.

Instead of visualizing your ideal end result, feel yourself in process. What does it feel like in your body to be having a great sales conversation with a prospective client? Visualize yourself closing the deal.

Weave in small moments of feeling your process throughout your day, especially when you feel lost or afraid. Let the body help you get into action.

# 7 – Name your intrinsic motivation

You’ve no doubt heard that focusing on extrinsic rewards (praise, money, promotions, best-seller list) has limited efficacy when it comes to your long term motivation. As long as you feel the playing field is fair, extrinsic motivation is another way to decrease your willpower and your pleasure, and even increase procrastination.

Get familiar with why you’re doing your scary stuff for yourself. This doesn’t mean you can’t be motivated by serving others; however, being motivated by the desire to serve is very different than wanting to be recognized for serving.

Reflect: Why you are doing your scary stuff? Meaning, agency, doing high quality work, experiencing flow, and progressing or learning are common intrinsic motivators as is the pleasure of doing your thing.

Whenever your fear snarls at you or you fall into comparison hell, take a moment to remember this intrinsic motivator.

# 8 – Be Enough Now

If you never did another thing, never overcame whatever is in your way, never brought your genius to life, it doesn’t matter. That’s because your essential goodness, your beautiful beaming heart, your humanity as it is now, would be in no way diminished.

You are not your work. You are not what you do.

You are light, you are pure love. Right now.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel good. I’m stating a fact. And when you grasp this fact (even for a few breathes) you realize that all the scary stuff in the world is an illusion. It’s nothing. Then you can do what you want, take action, play along. Because it’s engrossing, because you love learning, because you burn to share what you know, but never because you have anything to prove about who or what you are.

Because you don’t.

But then you knew that, didn’t you?

***

Please take one of these ideas and put it into play – your way.

Let one idea lead you to take action on what you most want to create, to build, to love into being.

Why wait when you can act NOW!?

 

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The 15 Best Foods For Your Breasts

Part of being the grown boss lady you are means eating whatever you want. No parents, no rules! Ice cream for dinner! Wine for dessert! But you do have two very important things depending on you to do them a solid, and those are your boobs. 
Jokes aside, one of the best paths to breast health is through the mouth.
Breast cancer is the most common cancer worldwide, affecting one in eight women, and even many men. Although some risk factors can’t be avoided (i.e., family history), adopting a breast-friendly diet is a great way to lessen the risk
‘There are many factors that lead to healthy breasts and just as many unknowns as to why individuals can be unfortunate if given the diagnosis of breast cancer. With the combination of motivation and moderation, there are many foods that can have a positive impact on breast health. I am a survivor, and always eating for the three of us!, says a breast cancer survivor.
You can care for your pair with these 15 boob-friendly foods.

1. Arugula and kale

True, all leafy greens are amazing for your body, but these two are supercharged with health benefits. Arugula and kale are members of the cruciferous vegetable family and are great sources of fiber and carotenoids, two plant elements that may be beneficial in decreasing the risk of oestrogen receptor-negative (ER-) breast cancer.

2. Garlic

This little bulb is packed with vitamin C and antioxidants, which are great for promoting healthy breast tissue. Buy it whole and crush fresh cloves into your recipes for the solid benefits.

3. Lentils

Due to their high fibre content, legumes of all types are beneficial, eating a diet high in fibre may reduce the risk of an initial diagnosis as well as recurrence. One study found that for every 10 grams of fibre eaten daily, the risk of breast cancer was five percent lower. Dietary fibre can also be fermented by gut bacteria to short-chain fatty acids, which help support a healthy microbiome.

4. Green tea

Green tea contains catechins, which are natural antioxidants. It is advisable to start off slowly and increase to the amount one can carry, due to the antsy side effect of green tea.

5. Fatty fish

Studies show that fatty fish can reduce the risk of breast cancer due to their high levels of selenium and omega-3s.

6. Blueberries and blackberries

While all berries are loaded with flavonoids, vitamin C, and manganese, blueberries and blackberries have the potential to reduce the risk of breast cancer due to their abundance of phytochemicals like cyanidin, kaempferol and resveratrol. These chemicals reduce the risk of recurrence of breast cancer.

7. Brightly colored produce

Vibrant veggies like carrots, sweet potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts contain carotenoids and antioxidants, which may reduce incidences of breast cancer.

8. Yoghurt

Fermented foods like yoghurt contain probiotics, which promote a healthy gut and immune system. Probiotics assists with digestion, and is also an antitoxin.

9. Barley and oats

Whole grains are good sources of insoluble fibre and contain bioactive compounds such as phenolic acids and anthocyanins, both of which are beneficial to a breast health diet.

10. Flax seed

Whether eaten as a seed or as an oil, flax seed contains omega-3 and is rich in antioxidants. Studies show that flax seed oil may help in preventing the growth of breast tumors.

11. Onions

Recent research has found that certain properties of an onion – namely vitamin C, flavonols, and loads of other antioxidants could help reduce the risk of breast cancer.

12. Nuts

There are so many benefits to eating a variety of nuts, like the number of phytosterols that walnuts, Brazil nuts, and peanuts carry. ‘Oestrogen has been known to fuel some breast tumors, so eating foods rich in phytosterols can help to regulate oestrogen levels’, an expert says.

13. Citrus fruits

Oranges, grapefruit, lemons, and limes all provide antibiotics, vitamin C, and folate to boost the immune system and reduce inflammation.

14. Fruits

A diet rich in fruits has so many benefits for the body, and adding a rotation of peaches, pears, apples, grapes, and bananas can boost levels of potassium and vitamin C, two nutrients vital to keeping the body strong and healthy.

15. Herbs and spices

Spices like curcumin, ginger, cinnamon, basil, and turmeric contain neutraceuticals that may regulate signaling pathways and reduce inflammation.
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7 Bad Habits You Didn’t Know You Have And How To Quit Them.

No. Don’t ignore this because you think you don’t have any bad habits for we all have bad habits. No matter how much we fail to acknowledge them.

It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make efforts to adjust and stop these bad habits especially as the long-term effects the have on us are unpleasant.

Whether you can’t keep your gaze off your phone screen or you can’t help but have a little extra midnight snack, here are seven unhealthy habits that make you feel not so great and helpful tips to correct them.

1. Not getting enough sleep.

If you struggle to get out of bed in the morning and if you constantly wake up tired, it is all the sign you need to know you are not getting adequate sleep hours and apparently, it isn’t doing you any good.

Lack of adequate sleep can affect a whole heap of things, making you moody, irritable and stressed. It can also mess with your ability to learn and retain information. That isn’t good for your well-being.

According to a Harvard Medical Study, “Most experts have concluded that getting enough high-quality sleep may be as important to health and wellbeing as nutrition and exercise.

Sleep is not only crucial for keeping your mind fresh and performing optimally, but it’s also a pivotal factor in maintaining a healthy weight.

So, if you are one of those who binge watches a whole season of a Netflix show in one sitting, you can prioritize your sleep time by setting an alarm on your phone and actually go to bed when the alarm goes off.
Doing this will help you set a regular sleep routine and develop good sleeping habit, in the long run.

2. Scrolling on your phone until 1am.

Don’t roll your eyes yet, we are all guilty of this.

This is tied to the inadequate sleep mentioned above. Now, while lying in bed seems like the perfect time to perform deep dive into the life of a complete stranger who lives across the other side of the world, thanks to the internet, your late night screen time could be jeopardising your health.

Not only can a lengthy exposure to blue light damage your eyes, it can seriously interfere with your sleep. That’s because blue light messes with the production of melatonin – a hormone that regulates the body’s sleep cycle.

If you spend ages scrolling through your phone, you’re likely to experience more sleepless nights and fatigue. You know, pretty much everything we discussed above, but it can also lead to a variety of other health issues like anxiety and depression.

I’m sure you wouldn’t want that.

3. Snacking right before bed.

I’m not here to tell you it is inappropriate to have those delicious snacks. But you can try to not eat too much of it before jumping right into bed at night.

The digestive process can interfere with your sleep quality because eating just before bed also increases the likelihood of reflux and indigestion, as your gastric juices are being secreted to breakdown food whilst you are lying down, which gives them far greater opportunity to make their way back up your oesophagus and into your throat.

Terrifying right?

4. Exercising so you can eat whatever you want.

You remember when you hit your fitness goal and decided to reward yourself with your favourite junks? Because after every fitness goal smashed, a cheat meal isn’t a bad idea right?

First, know that only exercise will not make up for a poor diet.

Not only is gorging post-workout wrecking havoc on your fitness game, but this frame of mind can really mess up your relationship with food. Because having the mindset that you have to ‘earn’ food is really unhealthy. Food is not a reward.

You can’t expect exercise alone to make you super fit. Focus on fuelling your body with the right foods that will help you power through your workouts.

5. Viewing food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

When you start labelling foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, not only are you officially stripping all the joy out of eating, but it might be one of the worst things you can do for your health.

No shame – we all do it, but we’re here to tell you to stop.

So, let’s get this out of the way first: all food is inherently neutral. There is no such thing as ‘good’ food or ‘bad’ food. Okay?

Eating a burger and chips one night isn’t going to give you diabetes or heart disease. It’s more about your overall eating patterns.

The deeper harm in restricting yourself from foods is that when you do have a ‘cheat meal’ or a ‘bad day’, you’ll usually end up feeling guilty and shameful.

Instead of policing all of your food choices, try to get rid of the emotional attachment and start listening to your body – eat what you want in moderation. By doing this we guarantee healthy foods will taste even better, and you’ll stop feeling like a failure over enjoying foods that are good, overall.

 

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5 Things The Contemporary Woman Can Learn From Biblical Rahab

If there’s a common knowledge about Rahab, it is that she is a bad example of what no one would want to be associated with.

She is a whore.
A prostitute.
A very bad example.

Someone who people only talk about when they want to emphasize she is a prostitute.

But is there all there is to her? No!
Is there something worthwhile you can emulate from her? Yes!

You may not be a prostitute but you sure have something in common with Rahab. That is being a woman.

As a woman, what lessons can you learn from Rahab?

A lot.
But for time and space, I would highlight a few.

Come with me let’s learn from a harlot.

(For a little back story, you can read Joshua 2:1-24)

1. Sensitivity:

Being a prostitute meant that any man that walks into her house wanted to patronize her. However, Rahab knew exactly who the two spies who entered her house were and what they wanted. She was sensitive enough to know they didn’t come for “business” so she never bothered talking to them about it. She knew that as spies, their most pressing need is to be hidden and protected and she did just that for them.

What this spells for us women in contemporary times is that we should pay attention and be observant enough to shift our focus when need arises.
You may be in a line of business or rendering services. However, when need be, understand what your (potential) customer or client needs per time and give it to them according to their needs.
As a business owner or service provider, create room for bespoke services, tailored to suit the present needs of a client or customer.

Be sensitive enough to discern who comes into your life as a bridge to your destiny.
Be discerning enough to know that that random stranger isn’t just a random stranger but someone who could be holding the key to your breakthrough.
Be wise enough to know that that client might be the one client you need for your business to break even.

2. Understand time and know when to negotiate:

Rahab hid the spies and kept them safe because she knew what they wanted and why they were in the city.
However, just before they slept, she struck a deal with them. She negotiated with them and made them agree to the deal on her own terms.

As a contemporary woman, know that there are people who shouldn’t just be your customers but they should become partners in your business.
When you render services, don’t be afraid to negotiate, state what you want and how you want it done. What’s the worst that can happen? When you have recognized an opportunity, initiate the deal before you all get too comfortable. Negotiate and place your cards before it is too late.
Don’t be scared to ask for a raise in salary, especially when you know and they can see that you deliver topnotch in your place of work.
You know what you want so why hold back from asking what you deserve?

3. Trustworthy:

When the king of Jericho heard spies were in the land, he sent messengers to Rahab’s house to confirm if they were with her. Even though at that time, they were in her house, Rahab told the king’s messengers they were no longer in her house.
Interesting to know that the messengers didn’t bother to conduct any search to confirm.
This can only mean one thing; Rahab is a person of integrity. She is trustworthy.
If she said they weren’t there, then they weren’t there. She has a record of telling the truth. She has a strong record of integrity that even the messengers knew.

As a contemporary woman, integrity is an essential core value you should embrace.
In your environment, are you trustworthy? Do you have integrity that people can vouch for?
Are you known to keeping to your words?
When push comes to shove, can people stand for you and say your words are true?
Can they attest that your words match your actions?
Earn the trust of people around you. It is important because someday, you would need to bank on that trust when it is all been said and done.

4. Influence:

Clearly, Rahab even as a prostitute, was a person of influence. I won’t be mistaken to say she’s quite popular in her city. She wields so much influence and popularity that even the king knows her house. Nobody said exactly where the spies were but the king knew if there truly were spies, the first place they would go to would be Rahab’s house.

As a contemporary woman, how much influence do you have in your organization? How much do you have in your environment?
How much influence does your business have? The services you offer, what makes it different from the others?
Rahab sure wasn’t the only prostitute around yet, she stood out among other prostitutes.What are you doing as a contemporary woman to be different from the others?

Part of the agreement in Rahab’s deal with the spies is that no one would know about it until they all left the land.
Yet, Rahab was able to convince her entire relatives to come along with her. How was she able to do that without explaining what and where they are headed?
It means she has influence in her family and they trust her enough to follow her.

How many people in your household can you speak to and they will do as you have said without questioning?

As a contemporary woman, one of the ways to have influence is by directly affecting the lives of people around you. You can do so by rendering help when and where you can, teaching, mentoring and being there for people in ways you can.

5. Multiple streams of income/Investments:

Rahab was a prostitute yes, but it is pertinent to mention she didn’t rely on only income made from harlotry. She had other sources of income which are:

  • The spies walked into her house as soon as they stepped into the city of Jericho. This means she runs an inn where visitors can lodge.  That makes it a second source of income for her.
  • When people lodge, they would eat and drink before sleeping or departing. Which makes it her third source of income.
  • Remember she hid the spies in the flax stacks on the rooftops. This shows she is into the sales of flax. Which makes it a fourth source of income.

You wonder and how a prostitute had the wisdom to do all of these?

Rahab actually means expansion. Her potentials within her kept screaming and reminding her she’s more than what she is presently. She knew there is more to her life than being a harlot.

She knew she wouldn’t be a harlot forever so she invested the funds she made from her harlotry.

As a contemporary woman, know that there is more to your life than where you are today. It isn’t a crime to start small. It isn’t a sin to start little.
However, what matters in the long run is how much you are able to garner from the little you are doing now.

You may be working in a firm that is paying a sub par salary. You know you are more than what you earn currently.
Do the best you can, save what you can, invest in investments you know about. Be involved in other things that can fetch you legitimate income.
A little here and a little there fills the room in no time.

Don’t be comfortable with your present condition. Make the best of what you have currently but reach for more. Allow your potentials find expression.

Listen dear woman, it doesn’t matter how people see you. What matters is how you see yourself. What you call yourself.
People call Rahab the prostitute. But she calls herself Rahab, expansion. And she lived out expansion.

Your present circumstance does not in anyway translate to your ultimate reality. Rahab the prostitute became Rahab the grandmother of a king.

Who would have thought so?

What you have inside of you is greater that your present reality.
Don’t be afraid to reach for more because woman, there is more and you can be more!

 

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“My Passion For Humanity Made Me Involved In Charity”- Shulamite Eze

Shulamite Ezechi is so many things rolled in one. She is the founder and CEO of ANYISO an international NGO. She is an advocate, an author, and activist for girls and women’s rights.

She is the founder and CEO of ANYiSO a registered charity in the UK that runs multiple projects, seminars, workshops and conferences, and provides support and services for women, young people, refugees, and asylum seekers. She is passionate about women, young people, refugees and asylum seekers driven by inspiration and personal experiences. She is a feminist, an advocate and activist for women’s rights. Shulamite is an author, a community leader and a mentor to many young people, men, and women.

Shulamite through personal experiences and a passion for driving change, has served and still serves in multiple capacities in various human rights groups to make impacts through her voice. She has served as a member of the refugee women’s strategy group. She is involved in reviewing several policies affecting black and ethnic minority women and young people in Scotland, UK.

Shulamite continues to serve in various organisations amongst which are the North Glasgow community food initiative where she served as a member of the board. Shulamite is amongst the delegates for the First ministers National advisory committee on Women and Girls for Black and Ethnic Minority. She is an ambassador for Migrant Voice, UK. A member of the United Nations Association, UK, a member of Amnesty International, and a member of Friends of the Earth Scotland.

Shulamite obtained her National Certificate of Education (NCE) from Federal College of Education Technical, Umunze, Nigeria. She is licensed to teach having gained a certificate from the Teacher’s Registration Council of Nigeria (TRCN). She obtained a diploma in Community Development from the University of Glasgow, United Kingdom.Shulamite holds a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition and Dietetics, two master’s degrees; one in Clinical Nutrition and Health and the other in Policy Analysis and Global Governance both from universities in Scotland, UK.
Shulamite has won many awards including ‘the Inspiration to the BME Community award’ that was conferred to her at the Glasgow City Chambers, United Kingdom. She has been privileged to be invited to Oxford University Women leadership Symposium to deliver a talk on ‘’girl child marriage’’ and lead a group of women to UNESCO Spring School to tell their integration stories through drama.

Shulamite’s work to humanity and in community development have been published in both national and international newspapers. Shulamite is married and blessed with children.

She share her story  with Esther Ijewere in this Interview

Growing up

I grew up in Nigeria with my mum and dad. I was the eldest of nine children so it was always busy at home! My dad was an entrepreneur and my mum was a midwife; she ran a maternity clinic where people could come and get treated with support and help. She was always really friendly and attentive and my family was known for its hospitality, and I try to bring that spirit into the work I do now. I think it helped to grow up in an environment where there was always lots going on; it means I don’t get easily overwhelmed which is a good thing when you’re as busy as I am!

Inspiration behind  ANYiSO

My whole life I’ve seen African women face a lot of challenges and less appreciated. There seemed to be a lack of support for them, despite their growing need for support and aid, and domestic abuse on the rise without much being done about it. In Scotland, where I live, women who belong to ethnic minorities often don’t reach out for this support because they’re afraid of being discriminated against, because they’re scared of being stereotyped, but also because they sometimes lack the ability to ask for help due to language barriers and cultural differences. Being inspired, as well as having encountered difficulties myself, I was driven to make a real change in the world and to create a space where these women could safely and comfortably get the support they needed to be empowered.

The Journey so far…

It’s definitely been challenging, but it’s absolutely worth it! I started ANYiSO in my living room in 2014 and since then it’s grown more than I could have ever imagined. We’ve been busy implementing projects and raising awareness about our cause – it’s not easy gaining trust when you’re a new organisation – but we gradually built ourselves up and now we go from strength to strength. I’ve seen so many lives change for the better as a result of the work we do, and that’s rewarding. ANYISO works in partnership with local and international organisations to provide support to women and young people. We focus on strategies such as skill acquisition training, awareness building, advocacy and education. For us, education is the basis for development, so we encourage our women and young people to be educated. This we do by providing ESOL classes and creche for these women and also working in partnership with some organisations and colleges,and most of these women have gone back to school, gained employment and became entrepreneurs.


 You’ve won many awards and attended a lot of leadership conferences across the globe as well as advocating for the ethnic minority community in the UK. How does it feel to lend your voice to these people and to make their issues heard?

It’s really a collective effort: I have similar cultural background and experiences to the women we support, which makes it easier to understand what they’ve been through and the challenges they’ve faced or still facing. As an advocate, I do my best to communicate how they feel, the support they need and what their journey is like to the appropriate authorities, agencies, organisation and while helping to review policies that affect them. Through the work we do with ANYiSO I see how important it is for us to keep advocating and providing support and services, so I’m happy that we have the opportunity to use our platform and voice to support those who otherwise wouldn’t be heard.

Being  a mom, wife, motivational speaker, and author, amongst many other things, and managing it all

I’ll admit it’s not easy! All of my roles demand quite big time commitments. ANYiSO has grown in the last few years with multiple projects which is fantastic, but I’ve had to learn how to manage my time effectively in order to still have the time to do other things like the book i just wrote. My family is a priority so I always make sure I have time to spend with them. Having said that, I’m driven by passion and it is that passion that makes everything worth it. Seeing the progress we make empowers me and looking back, the hard work has absolutely been worth it.

My new book ‘Unveiling Your True Potential’

I’ve personally faced a lot of challenges and struggles in life, and I have seen myself doing things I never knew I could. I know where I used to be and have seen myself make progress.
When I was young I could never have imagined the things I’ve done now: I didn’t see any potential in myself. The truth is that everyone has the potential to achieve, but it’s often hidden or goes unrecognised. I wrote my book to inspire people, to motivate them to discover themselves and their potential to do the things they dream of doing. I hope that my story will help them to see that no matter what you’ve been through in life, nothing is impossible if you keep a positive mindset.

Being a feminist and my thoughts on how the world is well informed about it.

I think a lot of people today are misinformed about feminism due to the cultural practices and media coverage it gets. Feminism seems to have a bad reputation especially in African culture and people see it as a movement that lacks respect for men, idolizes women and despises men, but this isn’t at all what it means. It’s actually a movement that seeks equal rights for women and men, because women have faced (and continue to face) lots of discrimination in life and has always been seen as second class citizens. As a feminist, all I want is for us women to have the same opportunities as men and I strongly believe that more awareness on the meaning and importance of feminism are very much needed. For me, the truth is that most people, even men are feminist but unaware that they are. If as a parent you ever wanted the same opportunity, success, achievement for all your children be it male or female,then you are a feminist.

Making Impact in Nigeria

For some time now we’ve already been supporting people back home in Nigeria. We’ve provided lots of financial support and skill development training. During this COVID 19 pandemic period, we have supported a lot of people financially and also with palliatives. Some of the people we’ve supported are now able to participate in different walks of life that they wouldn’t have been able to participate in before, both in their families and also in social, and economic sectors. In the near future we’ll be expanding more our operations in Nigeria and other African countries, so watch this space.

3  women who inspire you to be better and why

I’d have to pick Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey and Maya Angelou.
They’re all incredibly strong women of colour who have overcame adversity and their ethnic minority background to make a difference in the world. Michelle Obama is graceful and carries herself with dignity – she was the first black First Lady – she demonstrates that there’s no limit to what you can attain in life. Maya Angelou went through a lot of challenges but she used her voice to send messages through her award-winning poetry, she was a true definition of making lemonade out of lemon.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I see myself as a strong woman and I recognise my own strength, tenacity and weakness. As a founder, seeing people being empowered through the work we do in ANYISO gives me inner joy and a sense of fulfillment.

The Nigerian Governement and Issues affecting Women and Children

They need to do more. Our children need to be empowered and encouraged to get an education; they need to be in the classroom instead of hawking on the streets. The government needs to support women in every walk of life, especially economically (through employment, skill acquisition and grants for business). Women education and empowerment is very important, because educated and empowered women gives birth to a developed nation

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We Worked Together For 3 Months and I never Noticed Him, Read Yaw and Esi Beautiful Love Story

The adorable couple won our hearts with the beautiful love story. They have lived in the same company for 3 months without noticing each other.

The bride-to-be, Esi never thought her work colleague will turn out to be the man she would spend forever with.

After Yaw walking to her office one day, they kept in touch and now they sweethearts ready to walk down the aisle.

Esi shares her love story:

My soon to be husband had been in the company I work with for over 3 months without me noticing him, not even once.

On this faithful Wednesday evening after work, our eyes locked as he drove pass by me with another colleague while I was waiting for my Uber. There was a mutual attraction there and then.

Yaw walked to my office the following day and offered to drop me home after work which I refused and as relentless as he can be, he kept insisting. I was left with no choice than to join him and this evening droppings became our daily routine. That’s where our little gossips and inquisitiveness started from, we would chat and still have something to talk about when we met.

Somewhere late 2019, he asked me out and I turned him down but he kept pursuing me. I later told him to give me some time to pray about it, yep. And this was exactly his words “You can have all the time you need to pray; I’ll be here waiting”. After about a month, I agreed to get to know him better.

Fast forward in 2020, we started dating with the intentions of getting married soon, little did I know that my son was just around the corner. My husband to be asked me to marry him a day just after my birthday at my surprise birthday party. I had a double portion of surprises, and I couldn’t have said no to this big YES!

Check photos below:

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4 Top Foods For Increasing Breast Size Naturally

The breast can be improved on/increased just by eating these foods making the growth as natural as possible…

The breasts can be made bigger using natural and artificial means (for ladies who prefer to go a size/cup bigger).

A lot of ladies (with small breasts) would love their breasts fuller, rounder and with ample cleavage to show off in some outfit styles!

Using artificial ways including enlargement drugs, lotions and cosmetic surgery usually come with side effects making the natural way through specific exercises and foods the better preferred way to grow the mammary glands.

Here are 5 foods that make your breasts bigger naturally

1. Seafood

Seafood contain Manganese that studies show increase sex hormones that helps with breast growth so including seafood like mussels, prawns, shrimps and even fish amongst others helps the breasts grow naturally.

2. Dairy foods like milk, cheese

They contain natural hormones that are stimulants responsible for developing the female breasts and if you desire fuller bosom then diary foods are best consumed well alongside normal diet to help fill up the area naturally.

Include foods like cheese, butter, yoghurt and milk in your diet increase in breast size.

3. Nuts

Nuts have been fingered as ones to stimulate breast growth. If you want bigger breasts double up on eating seeds and nuts to help stimulate the glands in the area for bigger results.

Nuts as cashew, walnut, sesame and flax seeds are ones to consume for bigger breasts.

Also Read: How to leave a toxic relationship

4. Whole grains

Whole grains are packed full with nutrients that are healthy as well as ones to stimulate the breasts to go bigger. Whole wheat and brown rice should be included in diets for bigger breasts.

5. Vegetables

Leafy greens are also foods to load up on for increased breast size. The upside is they come healthy too so why not?

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This Bride Wore A White Trouser Suit On Her Wedding Day And It’s Beautiful (See Photos)

The absolutely gorgeous bride rocked her stunning trouser suit wedding outfit with class.

Arklean
Arklean

Creativity runs in every woman’s vein and we always have to appear stunning.

Everybody including the groom can’t wait to see the apparel his wife-to-be would wear for their holy matrimony.

Emma and his girlfriend, Arklean got married recently in Uganda. They decided to break the usual fashion game at weddings this time.

The bride looked gorgeous in her fairytale Cinderella gown that had a trail and beautiful lace. She accompanied her look with flawless makeup and beautiful hair making her look like a real princess.

The groom, Emma, looked dapper in his royal blue suit combo and elegant pair of shoes.

After the church wedding, Arklean slid into a sleek three-piece suit made of an embroidered crop top, a coat that had a plunging neckline and a pair of fitting pants for the wedding reception.

It was truly a beautiful celebration for the couple and their guests. Pulse.com.gh wishes the couple a lifetime of bliss, love and laughter.

Check photos below:

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ArkleanArklean

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