I love synchronicity and coincidences and feeling like I’m on the right path as much as the next person.

I know when I am pushing and need to back off, take a break, wait for my mind to calm down and for my next steps to show up.

I believe there is so much more than we can see or know at work in the world. I mean, think about it, our very brains are mostly a mystery to us!

But in the midst of it all, there’s a whole lot of women who seem stuck on the next thing to do. On the next step to take. On the right path to follow. They seem to be waiting for the universe to explicitly tell them what’s the next thing to do.
They say things like:

– I am waiting for the right time.
– I am waiting for a sign.
– I feel like I have to start my business because it came to me in a dream even though the whole thing makes me exhausted and I can’t get any traction.
– I am doing this because I think the universe is sending these thoughts to me.

But in all of these, there is only one question:

what is it that you really want?

We hide our abilities and power behind the “universe”. We excuse our inabilities and mask our insecurities under the guise of “waiting for the universe to give us permission to act rather than taking responsibilities and acting based on the knowledge we have of our values, wants and desires.

Toni Morrison wrote,

“To get to a place where you could love anything you chose, not to need permission for desire, well now that was freedom.”

Of course, when we do that, when we stop seeking permission to desire, there is a risk it won’t work. We’ll get our hearts broken, we will fail, or be hurt. And that’s exactly why I believe we sometimes default to waiting for the universe to tell us what to do.

We avoid the risk but we may also miss out on the growth that comes from choosing.

We can end up drifting through our lives with nobody at the rudder.

I’m not saying it’s all about our ego-bound desires. We want to listen to what feels bigger, wilder, and truer, not just what we have scripted (or that was scripted for us), but that happens, I believe, through an active mature spiritual discipline, practiced with a trusted mentor or spiritual director or within a community. We need checks and balances.

So in the end, it is not all about what we listen to, but how we approach listening and what we do with what we hear.

So, what are you doing with all the thoughts the universe is sending to you?
When are you going to act on those desires that keep you up at night?
When are you going to start acting on those plans you’ve been on?

It doesn’t have to be perfect in the beginning.

Just start!

A lot of people, including you, most times, do not understand the cost of ignoring, judging, denying, or putting off enjoying your desires. If you’re like most people, you don’t even know how to know what you want.

That’s because you don’t know–or perhaps believe–that giving space and expression to your desires fills your entire life with energy, joy, and meaning.

You don’t believe dancing in the morning in the kitchen or telling your partner what you’re yearning for or updating your journal page before bed matters.

You learned to judge what you want because you don’t meet some arbitrary societal standard that makes it worth pursuing.

For example, if you want to write, you must become a best-selling author or win a Booker prize or else, why bother?

Or you learned to deny what you want because it didn’t put food on the table, make someone’s life better, or get you a promotion. This is why you don’t know how to know what you want.

Perhaps you learned it is safer to keep putting your desires off until you are ready and know enough instead of asking, “What more do I need to know to feel the pulse of desire animating me right now?”

The consequences?

Wilting.

Comparison.

Lack of boundaries.

Afraid to stand up for yourself.

Crappy self-care.

Envy.

Your dreams seem impossible.

Everybody else can have what they want but you.

Relentless pushing, doing, accomplishing but for what?

Depression.

Can we agree there is a steep cost of denying and ignoring what you want? That you don’t even know how to know what you want?

Are you pissed at me for pointing this out?  Are you stirred up? Do you feel ready for a nap? Or are you saying, “do you realize what my life is like? How impossible it is to make time for what I want?”

While I will never, ever tell you it’s all up to you or that the obstacles you face aren’t real and frustrating and often terribly unjust, I won’t ever tell that societal support doesn’t matter to your well-being, still, I believe that even in the harshest conditions, we can touch our desires. Make space for them. Allow them to enliven us.

With practice, with community, It does become easier. Fear, constriction, and putting off and turning away from what you want, happens less and less.

Please, for just this week, notice where you override, belittle, ignore, turn away from, give up on your desires, put off, what you want. Where you forgo, wait, or judge.

Do not (please!) try to do anything differently. Stay away from plans or trying to change.

Instead, with compassionate curiosity, notice your thoughts about what you want. Notice your habits. Notice what substitute desires you settle for. Notice what you believe about enjoying more of what you really want–what’s okay, what’s not.

If you like, jot down a few notes in your journal or on your phone.

Notice, without overindulging in self-judgment.

You may be amazed at what you discover.

This is how you will eventually discover how to know what you want.