In Career Gems December 28, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Lagos State Government Shut Landmark Event Centre And 11 Others For Violating COVID19 Protocols

The Lagos State government has shutdown Landmark Event Centre and 11 other facilities for violating COVID-19 protocols.

The facilities were shut down during an enforcement operation led by the Director-General, Lagos State Safety Commission, Lanre Mojola. The team was out in the state on routine enforcement and monitoring activities to enforce compliance with the government’s directive on COVID-19 pandemic, especially as it concerns social and recreational centers.

Some other facilities sealed are DNA Night Club, Buzz Bar, Silverfox, Cocoon, Westend Nightclub, Rumours, Lekki Waterside, Landmark Event Centre and The Wave Beach club.

According to Mojola, event centers that broke the government’s seal and continued partying would be charged to court once documentation had been properly processed. He said the government was committed to curbing the spread of the virus and would leave nothing to chance to achieve this mandate.

Nigeria is currently experiencing the second wave of COVID19.

In Inspiration December 28, 2020 By Women of Rubies

#MondayMotivation |10 Ways To Beat The Monday Blues

“If you love your job and are passionate about what you’re doing, going in to work Monday morning is another opportunity to do what you love,” . “But if you’re feeling under-appreciated or unsatisfied with your job, it can be especially difficult to start another seemingly endless workweek.”

“The ‘Monday Blues’ describe a set of negative emotions that many people get at the beginning of the workweek if they’re not happy at work,” says Alexander Kjerulf, an international author and speaker on happiness at work. “It contains elements of depression, tiredness, hopelessness and a sense that work is unpleasant but unavoidable.”

The Monday Blues are so prevalent that they have become a cultural phenomenon, “and this makes it easy to laugh them off as ‘just the way things are,’” he says. “But they can be much more than just a passing tiredness; they are often a serious warning sign that something is not right at work. If you were happy, you’d be excited and energized on Mondays, not tired and depressed.

Here are 10 ways to beat (or avoid) the dreaded Monday Blues:

Identify the problem. “The first thing to do is to ask yourself what’s wrong,” Kjerulf says. If you have the Monday Blues most weeks, then this is not something you should laugh off or just live with. It’s a significant sign that you are unhappy at work and you need to fix it or move on and find another job.

Sara Sutton Fell, CEO and founder of FlexJobs, suggests making a list of the things that are bringing you down in your job. “Maybe it’s a negative co-worker or a meeting with your boss first thing on Monday morning, or maybe it’s that you don’t feel challenged–or maybe it’s all of the above,” she says. “In either case, clarifying what is bothering you can help you try to be active in finding solutions. It’s a way of empowering you to take charge and try to improve the situation.”

Prepare for Monday on Friday. “Mondays can be extra stressful from work that has potentially piled up from the previous week and, for many, can be challenging to jump right back in,” Kahn says.

To help combat that Monday morning anxiety, be sure to leave yourself as few dreadful tasks as possible on Friday afternoon, Friedman says. “By taking care of the things you least want to handle at the end of one work week, you’re making the start of the next that much better.”If you do have any unpleasant tasks awaiting your attention Monday morning, get them done as early as possible so that you don’t spend the rest of the day procrastinating or “feeling as if there’s a black cloud hanging over your head,” she says. “Make that uncomfortable phone call, resolve that outstanding issue, or clean up that mess that’s waiting for you. You’ll feel a lot better once it’s over.”

3. Make a list of the things you’re excited about. “We often look at the week ahead of us and think of all the tough stuff we have to do and the difficult tasks ahead of us,” Kjerulf says. “Turn that around. Sunday evening, make a list of three things you look forward to at work that week. This might put you in a more positive mood. If you can’t think of three things you look forward to, that might be an indication that you need to make some changes.”

Unplug for the weekend. If possible, try to avoid checking work e-mail or voicemail over the weekend, especially if you’re not going to respond until Monday anyway, Friedman says. “It can be tempting to know what’s waiting for you, but drawing clearly defined boundaries between work and personal time can help keep things in check. When you leave the office on Friday, leave your office problems there and focus on enjoying your time off. Sometimes going back to work on Monday feels especially frustrating because you let it creep into your off-time, and so it never even feels like you had a weekend at all.”
Get enough sleep and wake up early. Go to bed a little early on Sunday night and be sure to get enough sleep so that you wake up feeling well-rested, Friedman says. “If you’re only running on a couple of hours of sleep, it’s unlikely that you’re going to feel good about going anywhere when the alarm goes off Monday morning.”
Dress for success. “Dress up, perk up and show up ready to be positive and help others be positive,” Shane says. “Be the light and energy that makes others have a better day. Show and share your spirit, charisma and vibe and make yourself magnetic.”
Be positive. Start the week out with an “attitude of gratitude,” Kahn says. “Take time to recognize and appreciate the things that you enjoy about work.”

This starts before you even get to work. To pump yourself up on your way in to work, try listening to your favorite songs, Friedman says. “Think about the type of playlist you would create for a workout, and incorporate that same upbeat, high-energy music into your morning preparation or commute.”If you’re able to be a source of positivity in the workplace, not only will you make your day more enjoyable, but you’ll also make the work environment better for those around you, Kahn concludes.

Make someone else happy. Make a vow to do something nice for someone else as soon as you get to work on Monday, Sutton Fell suggests. “Doing nice things for other people definitely can lift the spirits, and in this case, it could actually help shift the overall mood in your office,” she says. “Paying it forward can yield great results all around.”

Kjerulf agrees. He says we know from research in positive psychology that one of the best ways to cheer yourself up is to make someone else happy. “You might compliment a co-worker, do something nice for a customer, help out a stranger on the street or find some other way to make someone else’s day a little better.”

Keep your Monday schedule light. Knowing that Mondays are traditionally busy days at the office, a good strategy is keep you Monday schedule as clear as possible, Kahn says. “When you’re planning meetings ahead, try to schedule them for Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This will help you to come into Monday with more ease from the weekend.”

Instead of tackling the biggest and most complicated tasks early on Monday, take some time for easier, more routine stuff, Kjerulf says. “This might get you up and running and give you the energy for the hairier tasks.”

But beware: If you have too much free time—you’ll sit around “feeling blue,” Shane says.

Have fun at work. Take it upon yourself to do things that you enjoy in the office on Monday, Kahn says. “Maybe bring donuts for your colleagues or take a quick break to catch up with friend in the office. Sharing stories about the weekend with co-workers can be fun and also is a great way to strengthen your interoffice network.”

Source:Forbes.com

In lifestyle December 24, 2020 By Women of Rubies

13 Productive Things You Can Do On A Sunday

Sundays are amazing days. For most of us, Sundays are a day of rest — a chance to relax, spend time with our family and friends and step away from work. Yet, for many people, Sundays can be a day of gloom. The thought of having to go back to work the next day and rejoin the hustle and bustle of everyday working life creates a dark cloud over a day that should be a joy.

With the right approach, though, Sundays can be days of rejuvenation—a chance to recharge our batteries—and to set ourselves up for a fantastic week. It is just a matter of the way you look at Sundays.

Sundays give me a chance to take stock of how my week has gone and decide what I want to achieve the following week. Each Sunday allows me to step back from the everyday grind and to measure my progress against the plan I had for the week and to reset that plan to make the next week even better.

Here are 13 ways you can turn your Sundays into amazingly productive days:

1. Wake up at Your Normal Time

A lot of us grew up thinking Sundays were a great day to ‘catch-up on my sleep’. The problem here is by over-sleeping on a Sunday, you often find it difficult to get to sleep Sunday night and that begins the cycle of sleep debt you want to avoid.

Waking up at your normal time maintains regular sleep patterns and this helps to make sure your sleep schedule is consistent throughout the week. When you are in a perpetual sleep debt all week, your productivity will sink. Ensuring you have a good night sleep every night, keeps you in a highly productive state.

2. Start the Day With “Me-Time”

“Me-time” is time you give to yourself. It’s time you can spend doing all the things you love doing without the fear of being interrupted. That could be exercise, reading, going for a long walk or meditation.

Decide what you want to do with your Sunday morning, make sure it is focused on you and start this week. You will thank yourself for it.

3. Do Some Exercise

Now, this does not mean you go out and do a 10-mile run or spend one or two hours in the gym. What this means is to get outside and move.

Our lifestyles today have taken away a lot of natural movement. This has become particularly prominent this year with many of us having to work from home. Those walks to the bus stop, train station and the office have gone. Now we get up, move from one room to another, sit down and start work.

Sundays give you a chance to move. Take that opportunity. Get yourself outside for an hour or two. Enjoy nature. Go with your family or friends and just have a relaxing hour or two in nature. This is possibly one of the best ways to reduce stress, get some healthy exercise and set yourself up for a wonderful week.

4. Plan the Day

Not having a plan for the day will leave you at the mercy of outside events. Instead, decide on Saturday evening what you will do the next day. Make sure you wake up at your normal time, indulge in your favourite morning drink and start your day.

Having no plan for the day, will likely result in you waking up late, making it difficult to get a good night’s sleep the next evening and you will waste the opportunity to make the day count.

Your plan does not have to be too detailed. Something similar to:

Wake up and make coffee
Put on some great music
Sit down and enjoy coffee
Take a 2-hour walk
Read for an hour or two
Spend some time with the kids

Just make sure you have a rough plan for the day, but keep things as flexible as possible.

5. Watch a Sports Game

This is a great way to get yourself away from thinking about work and your troubles.
Whatever sport you enjoy, take some time on Sunday to watch a game. Just getting into the game, enjoying the skills on show and marvelling at the professionalism removes you from your everyday world for a while. It’s a great way to give your brain some much-needed relaxation and provides a wonderful distraction from your everyday normal life.

6. Make Sure You Do Something Different

Doing the same things day after day will eventually turn every day into a grind. You want to be looking forward to your Sundays.
Do anything that breaks up your routine. Like watching a sports game, it takes you away from the normal everyday life you lead and gives you something refreshingly different to enjoy and experience.

7. Clean Up

I know, most people hate doing house chores but having a clean, ordered home does wonders for your overall mental wellbeing.
It can be hard to find the time to stay on top of all the cleaning during the week, so setting aside some time each Sunday to do a cleanup leaves you feeling refreshed, energized and ready for whatever the following week will throw at you.

8. Prepare Your Clothes for the Following Week

This may seem a bit excessive, but it saves so much time and cognitive overload. All it takes is one bad night’s sleep and you wake up and find yourself rushing around trying to get yourself ready for your first appointment.

9. Do a Weekly Planning Session

I’ve experimented doing a weekly planning session on different days but by far, the best day to plan is Sunday. I find that Sunday evenings are the best times to open up my calendar and to-do list, and to plan for the week ahead. It sets me up for the week ahead.

10. Clear Out Your Email

What? Doing email on a Sunday? Yes. Why? Because the worst thing you can do is start the new week with an inbox full of last week’s unreplied-to emails.

For most people, Monday morning is likely to be the one day in the week they do not have a lot of email in our inboxes, so we can begin the day on our most important project work. If you spend an hour or two cleaning up your email from last week, you miss a tremendous opportunity to start with a clean slate.

You don’t get a lot of email in on a Sunday, so you can process your inbox and actionable folders to make sure when the new week begins, you not only have a set of outcomes you want to achieve that week, but also begin the new week with no hangovers from the week before.

11. Do Some Work on Your Side Project

Now, this does not mean work. This means your own personal projects. It could be a DIY project, doing something in your garden, restoring an old car or writing your book.

Sundays give you incredible opportunities to do all those things you dream of doing but never seem to find time to do them. Just getting on and doing these side projects removes you from your everyday work, and allows you a few hours to do the things you love doing.

12. Read a Book

During the week, it can be hard to read a good book. We get up, rush out the door to get to work (or move to our home work station and start the computer). When we finish the day, we are exhausted and just want to vegetate in front of the TV.

Don’t waste Sundays. They give you a great opportunity to spend time with the books you want to read.

13. Prepare Your Meals for the Following Week

This is a great one for those of you who are following a healthy diet and exercise plan. Preparing meals for the following week not only saves a lot of time, it also encourages you to eat healthy on those exhausting days when all you want to do is eating pizza and flopping down on the sofa.

Having a set of pre-prepared meals reduces the temptation during the week when your willpower is at its lowest. It’s quick, healthy and easy to do. It makes sure you are sticking to your diet plan.

Bottom Line

I am not suggesting you try and fit all these things into Sunday. Just pick a few that resonate with you. Do those that will give you the biggest benefit and most joy.

Sundays need to be restful, relaxing and give you a chance to do those things you do not normally have time to do. It’s an incredible day, so don’t waste it laying in bed watching endless episodes of your favourite TV series.

In Inspiration December 24, 2020 By Women of Rubies

How To Celebrate Small Wins To Achieve Big Goals

We all want to be successful in our goals and it’s these goals that put meaning into our lives – give us something to strive for and help better ourselves. But have you ever tried to reach a big goal with giving up as the end? Have you started working towards your goal but over time felt that it’s just too high a mountain to climb – how are you ever going to reach the top? Have you ever experienced the feeling that you’ve spent so long trying to achieve your goal but felt you’ve got nowhere with it?

If this is you then you’re not alone. As humans, we are built to naturally see the problems and easily punish ourselves for bad behaviour. Poor performances are quickly condemned in our minds and guilt can rise to the surface. Our mindsets can bring us down when we feel we’ve failed and this usually results in giving up on dreams and goals.

So what is the secret to achieving these goals? Successful people make huge achievements all the time so how do they do it? What makes them so different?

Perspective and Mindset

Many people may put the success of others down to luck or a natural talent that allows them to excel at what they want to achieve. Yes, this can be the case but most of the time it is down to a particular mindset and way of looking at their goals as a whole.

Take Thomas Edison, the American businessman who invented the lightbulb. It took Edison almost 10,000 attempts to create a lightbulb – that’s a huge amount of ‘failures’ before finally finding success. But in response to his repeated failures he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

In other words, he took his failures and turned them into successes because his perspective was focused on achieving rather than failing. It’s quite clear he had a mindset and positive perspective that allowed him to celebrate those small steps and see them as achievements.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s very easy for us to put ourselves down for small mistakes and failures. What about our small successes? Well the irony of this is that although we easily feel negative about failing, we almost never celebrate our successes either and this is where the magic lies.

Celebrate Small Wins

The key to success is realising that our big goals aren’t going to happen overnight, in the next week or maybe even the next year but this is okay. We tend to focus on the end goals rather than the small and significant steps we take to get us to that goal.

This is why it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate small wins. The problem with not doing this is we end up diminishing our motivation and motivation is what keeps us on the right path and gives us the strength to soldier on to the top of the mountain.

Demotivation usually comes because we are unsure of how far we are to our goals. We sometimes blindly believe that the goal is still so far away when it could actually be just around the corner – something we will never know if we give up.

It’s therefore important to make sure you celebrate your small goals along the way. Acknowledging these sparks the reward circuitry of our brains and releases chemicals that gives us the feeling of pride, giving us the feel-good and happiness factor and makes us want to go further towards our next achievement.

Appreciation is Key

Appreciation can sometimes be played down in life and we tend to forget to appreciate what we’ve done and what we have. Appreciating our small wins and the small steps we take can be the difference between failing and succeeding. Lack of appreciation and gratefulness can lead us down the slippery slope of not being able to see the importance of our small successes. Celebrating the small stuff is us acknowledging that we are well on our way to achievement – in fact we are achieving all the time and it’s a myth that we are only successful once we’ve reached that elusive goal.

Creating Successful Habits

Successful habits equal success. We all know creating and changing habits can be hard as our minds find it difficult to adapt to new routines but acknowledging and celebrating the small wins are how you help yourself establish the habits you need and to keep you going. Our brains need reinforcement so allowing yourself to be rewarded will develop an ‘addiction to progress’ that will cause your brain to want to carry on to the next steps.

Acknowledge the Importance of the Present Moment

So what is the secret to a successful habit? It’s all about understanding the importance of the present moment. We tend to take the present moment for granted – it seems insignificant and we believe the little things we do in the moment aren’t changing us.

You must invest in the small things over a long period of time and understand that you only have the moment you are in and although these moments seem insignificant when determining whether you succeed or fail at something, it is the combination of moments over time that achieve the big things.

For example, say you want to learn a whole new subject. Reading 10 pages of a book today on this new subject will not significantly raise your knowledge and maybe not even 10 pages tomorrow and 10 pages the next day. However, it’s the combination of all these moments of reading 10 pages a day that will eventually allow you to fully learn the new subject. In other words, reading those 10 pages a day may seem insignificant in the moment but they are all important in the steps towards achieving your goal.

5 Tips On Achieving Success

With all this in mind, it is the small steps we take that need to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they are. Motivation is a huge factor of whether or not we succeed and being able to reward ourselves and celebrate small wins is the key.

Break down large goals into smaller goals – You don’t want to focus on the bigger picture as tempting as that can be. Make sure you create small, achievable goals that will allow you to see your progress more clearly.
Reward yourself with achieving small goals – Think about what you enjoy the most and do this each time you complete a step. This cold be anything from treating yourself to your favourite coffee, chocolate or even a trip somewhere. Having something to look forward to trains the brain into creating motivation.
Don’t put pressure on yourself – Putting a deadline on your goals can lead to potential feelings of failure. Be relaxed with your time limits and this will increase your happiness and motivation.
Track your progress – Writing down or tracking your progress will remind you of how far you’ve come in achieving your goal. Sometimes we can give up because we are unaware of how close we are to success and forget how much we’ve done. Write down all the small wins – seeing them written down can even be a reward in itself!
Change your perspective – Sometimes when we focus too much on the end goal, it can seem too far away to get to. Try thinking of it, not as climbing a huge mountain, but descending one with perhaps a few nice restaurants (rewards) to stop off at and relax on the way down – this way you can visualise getting there a lot easier!

In Inspiration December 19, 2020 By Women of Rubies

You Are Not Your Mood

Humans are always in a mood. Moods are the background tone of our lives, but we easily forget that we are in a mood and, instead, we believe we are our moods and that our moods are fixed and will never change.

From there, we tend to fall into “why bother?” procrastination, putting others first, and overwhelm.

BUT when we remember that our moods are malleable, changeable, that we can always change our mood at least a little, we stop waiting to feel like it.

We remember: action changes mood.

Simply remembering our moods are not us, and not fixed, can get you off the couch and out the door for your walk or your other activity that needs to be done.

And sometimes you need a bit more help.

I understand that people struggle with depression and anxiety, and so I am not suggesting that because moods are malleable we can change how we feel “presto!” But rather this is another tool to play with to give us relief and wiggle room.

Here is what you can do to work with your mood:

Welcome what you are feeling. If you woke up in the morning feeling like you don’t want to leave the bed or get anything done, take a deep breath and acknowledge your mood.
Pay attention to how you feel and welcome it rather than try to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Remind yourself of the times you have pulled through and gotten things done. See yourself doing the things you want to do.
Connect with what you care about: Think about that thing you really care about and want to do. It can be taking a walk, going for a run or completing a project.
Then ask yourself, “What mood would I like to cultivate so I can feel okay today?” This simple question, if answered truthfully, will shift your posture, expand your breathing and help you see the many choices you have at the moment.

Your mood is a background that you can always bring to the foreground. In doing so, possibilities can open up.

You can shift your mood with movement, dance, a wonder walk, yogic breathing techniques, journaling your worries and fears, taking one small action step, but first you have to remember:

You are not your mood.
Your mood will change no matter how bad it is right now.
(It may have changed a tiny bit reading this!)
You do not have to wait to “feel” like it to take action on your desires, just a small step will help.
You can handle this day.

Be gentle with yourself. Play with your mood if that appeals to you.
Either way, remember you’re not your mood!

In Inspiration December 18, 2020 By Women of Rubies

6 Ways To Stay Focused At Work When Distractions Are Inevitable

With the help of social media and our narrow attention spans, we’re all guilty of having one too many opened tabs on our internet browser and sitting at a spot all day can really put our concentration skills to the test.

So, the big question is, what is causing these distractions and how can we stay focused when they’re inevitable?

While some of the most common workplace distractions include coworkers dropping by, office noise, meetings, email, the internet, and social media, you don’t need an expert to tell you that staying focused and productive is one of the most difficult challenges employees face in the workplace. But what a productivity expert can tell you is how to break up your workday with different action plans to avoid these interruptions from impeding your productivity.

Check out simple ways to stay focused at work.

Figure out your peak productive hours. Breaking up your workday depends on two things: your peak productivity hours and the typical ebbs and flows in your particular work environment. If you are most productive in the morning—most people are before lunch—then it’s important not to schedule a lot of meetings [during that time]. Schedule those cerebral, creative tasks during the time where you’re most focused and energetic. Of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all scheduling formula that will work for everyone.
Create designated time slots for email.

If we don’t intentionally determine when we’re going to process our email, then we might feel like we have to do it all the time. We’ll always have it open on our ancillary computer screens. Or, we’ll feel like we need to check it every time there’s a break in a task. To counteract this urge to be at your emails beck and call, give yourself three to four time slots a day to respond: Early in the morning, right before lunch, later in the afternoon, and possibly add another one when appropriate. During these processing periods, you can either quickly reply or add the task to your to-do list with progress dates. It’s incredibly distracting to manage these tasks mentally. Delegating the task of remembering stuff to your to-do list is a key way to free up your mind and allow you to focus on the things that are most important to make progress on.

3. Use the “take ten, give five” rule.

We’re not the only ones who are distracting ourselves. You’ve probably been in a situation where your co-worker comes to your desk and says, “Got a minute?” about 50% of our distractions are caused by other people, which is why you should “take ten, give five.”

If someone [approaches or calls you], take ten seconds to scratch out a note of what you were doing or highlight the sentence you were writing on the screen or put a post-it note on your desk. Those ten seconds may feel like an eternity but it’ll be worth it when you jump back into your task with much-needed clarity. Then, you’d ask the person who swung by or called if they need more than five minutes with you. If so, explain that you may want to schedule a time to talk or save it for lunch. Gratias also explains that if your office is particularly noisy and distracting, find an “escape room” or request to work from home once a week.

4. Be diligent about scheduling meetings.

Meetings shouldn’t be scheduled longer than necessary. If you plan your meeting, [try to] get it done in 45 minutes or less. And if a meeting takes six minutes, book six minutes, not 30. People few and far between actually share their calendar with each other, but it’s a game-changer and time-saver for both parties when you’re trying to schedule a meeting. I hate going back and forth to plan meetings with friends or co-workers. When my calendar is shared [with them], then my free time shows up and that time can be booked, simple as that!
Audit your calendar to see if you’re spending your time in the right meetings. Decline further participation, delegate attendance to someone else, or even suggest shortening the meeting, if it’s appropriate.

5. Use a time cube to stay on track.

Before anything else, make sure that you’ve scheduled desk time to complete tasks so your calendar doesn’t just get filled up with other people’s meetings. Have your key priorities written down the evening before. Using a “time cube” to stay on track can ensure that you’re blocking out time in one hour or less intervals. It minimizes distractions and allows for you to complete high-priority tasks in a timely manner. You can keep it at your desk, and bring it into brainstorm meetings to ensure everyone is productive and has insightful ideas to contribute to the conversation.

6. Turn off all notifications—yes, even email.

A task list doesn’t just free your time, it stops you from wasting it on tempting interruptions when there’s a pause in your workflow. When we are transitioning from one task to another, that’s a key distraction point. The temptation of that transition is to get on Instagram or Facebook and go down a social media rat hole.

Instead of asking yourself what to do next, your task list will tell you what to work on. Another necessary way to say focused is to turn off all app notifications, especially email. It’s transformative if you can overcome your hesitancy that you’re not going to be immediately responsive to every bing, bong, and buzz that comes in.

In Inspiration December 16, 2020 By Women of Rubies

How to deal with life’s milestones

No matter how much we try to control our timelines, life is unpredictable. As adults, we know this—yet, oftentimes, we choose to cling on to this age-old idea that there’s somehow a “right” time to achieve our goals. We believe that if we plan it out just so, we’ll be able to find love, get married, have a child, buy a house, and excel in our career within an anticipated timeframe.

Society tells us that if we don’t check these boxes by age 30, we’re behind. And when unpredictability steps in (hiiii, COVID-19), and that timeline changes, we’re left with anxiety, guilt, and dread about how we’ll get it all done.

A global pandemic is not the kind of thing you can plan for, but it certainly makes envisioning a carefully planned future more difficult.

Before you beat yourself up for being a planner: humans naturally seek purpose and meaning in life. When we have milestones to look forward to, they become markers that tend to add meaning and a tempo to life. Without important milestones, life could become a blur of unimportant or ordinary occurrences.

Our expectations don’t always meet our reality, yet these self-imposed timelines remain rigid in our brains. If we don’t achieve them according to our own or others’ expectations, stress and anxiety can arise. When this occurs, the milestone can turn from a positive marker or goal into a source of negativity and distress.

If these goals are perceived as aspiration, things you genuinely want to achieve because you truly desire them (and do not view them as a requirement in life), you’ll be positively motivated to achieve them. However, if those goals start to be viewed as a measure of self-worth, your motivation to achieve it will be distress-driven.

When life doesn’t go as planned, we often berate and negatively judge ourselves for the lack of achievement. The resulting feelings can be of inadequacy, depression, guilt, anger, or even resentfulness.

The worst thing we do when things don’t go according to plan is to think, ‘There must be something wrong with me.’ That’s when the anxiety and self-doubt set in, which are both detrimental to our confidence and mental well-being.

If you’re feeling anxious about the timeline you’ve set for yourself, take a good look at where that motivation comes from. Is it self-imposed pressure? Are your friends or family placing stress on you? Is there an idea that society will judge you if you don’t hit a certain milestone?

Whenever we’re living our lives to get some sort of external validation, we’re going to set ourselves up for anxiety.

This isn’t shocking, considering that a quick scroll through social media will bring up dozens of photos of new engagements, weddings, babies, and career advancements from friends and acquaintances that can quickly make us question ourselves and our achievements. The cycle of self-doubt is easy to get caught up in, especially if we’re not willing to recognize why we’re putting these parameters for our lives in place.
Insecure thoughts about what it will mean if these boxes are not checked prevent us from making these important, potentially life-changing decisions with a clear mind.

The emotionally healthy perspective is to set goals based on the clarity of what you want versus what you should or have to achieve and then work toward them. If they’re not achieved “on time” (or at all), recognize that the only thing that has happened is that you didn’t reach that goal. And that’s it.

Instead of trying to control things that are often out of your control (an approach that will only make you feel helpless), reframe these ideas internally and take a good look at what they mean to you.

For instance, why are you placing pressure on your partner to propose? Is it because that is something you genuinely want, or is it because it’s been three years and everyone is asking when it’s going to happen?

You can use these steps to reframe your thoughts about life’s timelines:

Acknowledge that the anxiety is there. It’s empowering to take your deepest feelings into account. Once you know that you may be struggling with anxiety around these issues, you’ll be in a better place to tackle them.
Ask yourself, “If this happens, then what?” and recognize the insecure thoughts that may arise. You may think “If I’m not in a serious relationship by the time I’m 30, it’s because I’m not worthy of love.”
It is important to pay attention to the ways you might be talking down to yourself, and then ask yourself: “How is this a productive thought?”
Get comfortable with the gray area. Not everything in life needs to be so black and white. An all-or-nothing mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, strive to be more comfortable in the gray area. You may want to hit those checkpoints or milestones, but you don’t necessarily have to place a timeline on them. Find a balance between what you want and what you need.
Talk to yourself like you’re advising a friend. We’re often much gentler with our friends than we are with ourselves, so take some of those encouraging words and give them to yourself. If a friend came to you with a concern about not meeting her expectations for life by a certain age, you’d likely be kind and encouraging, focusing on the goals she has achieved and telling her not to be so hard on herself. Lots of things can happen that may disrupt your goals and the timelines you envisioned for them, but at the end of the day, you deserve to be a little kinder to yourself.

In Editor's Choice December 16, 2020 By Women of Rubies

“Sex Education Shouldn’t Start When Your Child Starts Menstruating”- Adebimpe Adebara

There are unique women who wear different hats in different industries, they use their passion and skillset as tools for development and change. Adebimpe is one of those women, she is a Creative designer (Graphics and UI/UX designs) Sexual and reproductive health coach, Girl child advocate and a freelance photographer. Being a victim of child molestation she founded Piece of my heart Foundation where she leads a team of volunteers in educating sensitizing children and teenagers on sex education to prevent abuse.

She is a Skillz girl coach at Youth empowerment and development initiative where she educate adolescent girls about their sexual and reproductive health. Global youth ambassador at Their World, Lagos state Youth Ambassador and Girl impact Ambassador.

Adebimpe is a graduate of Yaba college of technology, Lagos. She is a trained child advocate by Christiana Faith foundation and Laura kid’s foundation U.S.A. An alumna of Lagos Business school (Leadership and Non profit Manangement). She is interested in meaningful youth participation and engagement and gender related issues.

She shares her inspiring story with Esther Ijewere in this exclusive interview.

Childhood Infuence

My childhood is what influenced my decision to educate people about sexual and reproductive health issues and gender based violence prevention.

Growing up, my parent died when I was just 7, having to move from one relative to the other. I was molested by my uncle. He will make me play with their genitals until he gets satisfied. This went on for months and nobody suspected , thankfully. I moved away from their house and I got adopted my mum’s immediate sister who happens to take care of me like her own.

At the age of 13, we lived in a tenement building know as (face me I face you ) Two of my neighbors got pregnant for a guy who was also our neighbor. I watched this two girls dropped out of school and became mothers as a child. It was really traumatic for me.

After this Incident I started getting flashes of my own abuse and suddenly I started attracting people who attempted rape from close people, it didn’t happen but the fear stayed with me.

This fueled my passion and I felt it people were aware and orientated, that abusers are trusted people. So that parent can also educate their children to make informed sexual and relationship decisions without violence or abuse.

Inspiration behind Piece of my heart foundation

I knew I had an assignment but I really didn’t know what it was, I pray to God about it. Soon, I started getting flashes of what happened to me as a Child and how God wanted me to turn my pain to purpose. I felt led to start piece of my heart foundation though I wasn’t sure what NGO was and how it was run at that time. I just wanted to make a difference in my community and I started the organization.

The Journey so far

The journey has been awesome and challenging at the same time. The journey has helped me to discover alot about myself, it has helped me to learn skills I never thought I could learn or know. The journey has brought me profitable relationships and realistic exposures. So many times i feel like giving up on the journey because of the so many rejections I get. I have grown a thick skin and rejection got nothing on me, maybe a little thing….

I have made alot of mistake running the organization but I learn from my mistakes. I’m grateful to God I started.

Being a creative designer, and using it to amplify my passion for advocacy

As a creative designer, my skill has helped my work alot, It had helped amplify my work, because most times I use the funds I get from my work to run the organization.

Sometimes I use my skill to preserve relationships. I volunteer to do designs for many people to help them amplify their works too. I’m a strongly believe that supporting other people is a great way to keep relationships.

Nigerians and their understanding of sexual and reproductive health

I think a large percentage of Nigerians are not well informed on issues affecting women and the girl child because most people tend to silence women in advocacy.

Every day women and girls are still faced with lack of access to sexual and reproductive health services, domestic violence, unequal pay for equal work,lack of quality education and so many other issue.

If I had an audience with the President to discuss work

Mr. President sir, In about two years of being at the frontline, working closely with Stakeholders in rural to communities to advocate for women and girl reaching close to over 10,000 person online and offline. I believe that not enough work is being done to protect the right of women and girls in our society. I’ll like the Government to consider partnering with CSOs and NGOs to reach the grassroots. I’ll like the president to amplify our voices by giving women equal representation in Government, empowering women and girls to avoid violence, implement laws that criminalize GBV. We have this laws. Why aren’t they being implemented. We will like the president to fund organizations working on prevention intervention and restructure our crisis management system, the system is too cumbersome.

Mr. President sir, comprehensive sex education should be part of the curriculum starting from primary school in other to help our children make informed decisions.

Challenges of my work

Challenges of my work, one of the personal challenge is trying to balance my career ( product design) with my NGo work, thank God for amazing team members. Many people don’t want to fund prevention intervention and our own believe is that prevention is better than rehabilitation. We are also faced with the challenge of a space for training. One of our aim is to raise alot of advocates. Who can represent us in their communities

3 women who inspire you to be better and why

Mrs Ibukun Awosika, I love the fact that she is a woman breaking boundaries. She inspires me with her love for God and humanity.
Anthonia Ojenagbon, she is a survivor of sexual abuse and she is giving other people a chance to be heard. She inspires me so much because of her resilience and her fight for SGBV.
Esther Ijewere, a woman with an heart of Gold, she inspires me with her selflessness, humility and doggedness.

Key nuggets on child safety & sexual reproductive health

Child safety is everybody’s responsibility especially the parent. As parents, you can not always be everywhere with your children but when you give them comprehensive sex education, you can be sure that they will make informed choices.

Sex education shouldn’t start when your child starts menstruating, it has to start right from the time your child starts speaking both the boys and the girls.

Many people mistake sex education for teaching about sex. Sexual and reproductive health education isn’t just how not to get pregnant. It’s about body safety, self esteem, puberty, gender roles, contraceptives use etc..

Education about sex, is not a one-off conversation. It has to be consistent and age appropriate. Use Google to learn what it age appropriate for your child and filter it with your family value.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I’m a woman of rubies because I am a woman favored and chosen to turn my pain into power. I never allowed my background to put my back on the ground. I’m proud of the woman I have become 😁.

In Inspiration December 16, 2020 By Women of Rubies

How do I believe in myself?

Believing in yourself and in your abilities is one of the best things you can do to yourself, for your own sake.

There’s so much you can be, do and achieve when you believe in yourself and in your abilities.

Believing in one’s self is a hard task for many and if you fall under that category, read on. This is for you.

How do you believe in yourself?

You realize it’s a choice. Your choice.

You revoke permission from anyone who tries to oppress you, drain you, demean or diss you.

You direct your attention toward what you want to do and how you wish to be vs. letting your attention swing wherever your mind or the internet wishes to take it.

You realize when you do something and then exclaim, “I can’t believe I did that again!!” or “How am I here yet again??” it is not cause to doubt yourself but rather a chance to say, “I’m alive, I’m human, and I get to try again.”

You educate yourself that your brain evolved to comment on your actions as a way to keep you safe, and these comments are not the arbiter of truth about you or anyone else. They are simply a by-product of evolution. You treat this voice accordingly: it keeps you out of the way of runaway trains and tigers, but it doesn’t determine what you believe about yourself.

You understand there isn’t a there-there when it comes to your self. Nothing about us is fixed. You can relax with this truth that we are each an ever-shifting range of thoughts, sensations, and feelings and we are therefore free to witness this shifting self with love, curiosity, and compassion.

Speaking of compassion, you get that compassion is your number one belief-in-yourself move. Your daily go to practice. You understand compassion doesn’t mean collapse or hiding or giving up but meeting yourself where you are.

You allow others to see you – in your relationships, in your creative work, in your glory, in your mess – because you accept your warts, dents, and wounds AND your brilliance, beauty, and goodness as much as you do everyone else’s.

You make commitments to yourself that you’re competent to keep and you keep them. When you don’t or can’t, you don’t hide from this fact. Or try to get away with anything. You seek to understand why and you begin again.

You realize living with congruence and integrity are your only way forward.

You embrace what a glorious mystery you are.

Finally, you realize, as often as needed, it’s a choice. Your choice.

In Career Gems December 16, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Instagram Star Allegedly Stabbed Her Mom, Cut Out her heart And Other Organs (Photos)

An Instagram wannabe star has been detained on suspicion of killing her mother by allegedly cutting out her heart and other organs while she was still alive during a frenzied knife attack.

The suspect, Anna Leikovic, 21, of Moldova, gouged out the internal organs including her lungs and intestines with a kitchen knife, it is alleged.

She then washed the blood off in the shower and went to meet her boyfriend for a date, according to reports. The woman, who is a medical student, is “suspected of committing a terrible crime,” reported Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper, citing police in Comrat.

Leikovic initially stabbed her mother Praskovya Leikovic, 40, at home, but she remained alive. The medical student then went on to cut out her heart while she was still alive.

The victim, Praskovya Leikovic.

‘She stabbed her mother with a knife and then cut out the heart of a living woman,’ the police source reportedly said.

The suspect ‘decided to rip the heart out of the chest of a dying woman. It is hard to believe but she cut out the heart in the most literal sense of the word.’ Leikovic then gouged out her mum’s other internal organs including her lungs and intestines with a kitchen knife, it is alleged.

Anna Leikovic.

The medical student, who has 9,400 followers on Instagram, appeared in court after being detained the day following her mum’s horrific death. Video footage showed her bizarrely lying unbothered down in the dock, cleaning her nails, before standing on a bench when the judge entered the court.

When asked by a journalist if she had slaughtered and mutilated her mum, Leikovic reportedly laughed and replied ‘goodbye’ .Police spokeswoman Lyubov Yanak said: “The detainee is the main suspect.”

She added that no one else was suspected of being involved in the brutal killing and mutilation, but “a thorough investigation is required to clarify the motive for the murder”.

According to media reports, Praskovya had returned home from her job in Germany. It’s understood that she feared her daughter was on drugs and then arranged treatment to help Leikovic, who then allegedly became angry, and violent.

Her uncle told reporters: “Praskovya loved her daughter so much, and she spent as much time with her as she could.

“It took two hours for the police to tell me Anna is the main suspect. I could not even imagine this.”

Women of Rubies