Women of Rubies, Author at Women of Rubies

In self development February 14, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS HAVE DIED BECAUSE WE NOW HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR PHONES THAN WITH PEOPLE” -TOYIN ABRAHAM

Nollywood actress, Toyin Abraham described people in this century as a generation that don’t want a real relationship, in a thought provoking IG post.

According to her, social media has taken over true bonding and it has caused a lack of sincerity, betrayals and depressions.

She posted this picture below to emphasize her point, in which she wrote:

“21st Century, the generation that doesn’t want real relationship. We want that social media relationship that everyone can like and comment on. True bonding are very hard now because, we now converse via DM, Ping, WhatsApp etc and epistle is our new way of expressing our feelings or appreciating people.

A lot of relationship has died because we now have better relationship with our phones than with people. We invest more time into our Instagram profile than we do with our lives. We celebrate our friends/family’s birthdays without knowing how the 365 days that lead up to them was.

Family meetings are now been held via Video calls and WhatsApp group conversations. People come to social media to write a long epistle for eachother, claiming WORLD’S BEST for them. When in actual sense, they know they are nothing close to COMMUNITY’S BEST and their intentions are not to filter them as good, but to impress social media audience.

There’s no relationship without social media anymore and that’s why relationships are no longer sincere; everything is now for the gram😥. We’ve forgotten that, the best thing to hold on to in life is eachother👭 and that’s one of the reasons why depression is getting common☹️.

We’ve built a wall around ourselves against our family and love ones. We share our burdens with riddles on social media instead of talking it out with someone. It has worsen to the extent that, someone about to commit suicide will take to Instagram story to write their suicide note.

I understand it’s hard to find a trustworthy person these days but you still have to trust someone! If you trust them and they betrayed your trust, then it’s not your problem anymore it’s theirs. Let them live the rest of their life with the burden of betrayal.

The best place to lean on is eachother’s shoulders. Don’t let social media steal your love ones from you cuz NOTHING CAN SAVE US FROM DEATH BUT LOVE COULD AT LEAST SAVE US FROM LIFE”.

In self development February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

LOLO CYNTHIA: BATTLE OF THE INNER VOICES

4:35 AM- Almost time for Lolo’s 5 am run. She is awake but still laying in bed; her body aches from the workout of last night but she knows she has to run to also release her muscles.

4:45 AM- Sports gear is worn; she’s trying to fit her foot into her sneakers when she hears something.

Lolo 1 – Why are you jogging today? Your body is so sore, rest a bit.

Lolo 2 – Rest? Put on your sneakers and let’s go!

Oh! Oh! They are here again- battle of the inner voices- Who’s going to win this morning, Lolo thinks to herself. She puts on her sneakers, ready to stretch at home before walking to the road to start her run.

Lolo 1 – Babe o! Oya after this stretch why don’t you just do abs at home or something- shea its workout na.

Lolo 2 – Don’t stretch at home; walk to the junction and stretch – It’s a trap! And also, play your favorite motivational audio as you walk to the junction.

I will not stop by Ben Lionel Scott is playing in her earpiece as she walks to the junction- she decides not to do her normal routine stretch but instead substitute it for a light jog as the warm-up.

She begins to jog.

Lolo 1 – This pace no bad o! Why don’t you maintain this pace until the end?

Lolo2 – She’s barely breaking a sweat- what exactly is your mission here? Lolo! Warm up is over – Let’s Run!

She is tired, she wants to run but her body is giving up on her. She begins to step – Left foot! Right foot until she was fully immersed in the euphoria from the jog.

Throughout the run, she continues to listen to Lolo2 because she knows that the more she listens and obeys, the weaker Lolo1 gets; but she’s also aware that Lolo1 is relentless- she doesn’t quit even when one is almost at the finish line.

Two minutes away from her final destination- it’s time for the sprint, she begins to hype herself for it

Lolo1 – No go wound yourself o! See those guys over there will just laugh at you

Lolo2 – Why do you care if they laugh?

I don’t!

Lolo2 – Good! So sprint and oh! Hope you didn’t forget the 100 squats and wall push-ups waiting at home.

Lolo is done with her run, squats, and wall-push up. Another day of defeating Lolo1 – wow! Almost unbelievable considering how close they used to be! God pass Devil last last! Tomorrow we fight again!

Mental Toughness

There is a tale that goes something like this:

An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

Every one of us have many voices within us but the one we feed and nurture becomes the default voice we hear!

How can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation?

So many of us have set goals for ourselves but we feel that we need the motivation to start or continue. We like the voice that makes it easier for us.

We want to drop 10kg but that puff puff woman is right at our doorstep- and even when we know that it’s not on our meal plan, the voice convinces us that just 3 small puff puff won’t do any harm.

We want to write more or shoot that video but my goodness! We don’t have the zeal yet. We post one week and the next week – radio silence. We are unable to follow our schedules because we need the motivation to work.

But how can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation? We fail to realize that we need to train our minds to follow what we want.

Have you not seen some people who are not as talented or intelligent as you are but they keep soaring? You don’t understand it because you know you have the right recipe for success but it’s not forthcoming. The truth is that our talent doesn’t count here, that intellect we take pride in can’t always be there to help us!

Researches have shown that intelligence only accounts for 30% of our achievements and that’s the extreme upper hand – What makes a bigger impact is our MENTAL TOUGHNESS.

The ability to do what we need to do, when no one is watching and willing to reward us for your decision – even when we are frustrated, our ability to look past it and train that voice of faith to be so powerful that it drowns the other voices.

Developing mental strength requires that we make conscious decisions to do what needs to be done on a DAILY BASIS and not only when we feel good or motivated. We need to continue to work the muscle of the mind because many times, we are not weak, just our minds.

And just like James Clear says- Mental toughness is an abstract quality, but in the real world it’s tied to concrete actions. You can’t magically think your way to becoming mentally tough, you prove it to yourself by doing something in real life.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Do Have a great week and I hope you continue to prove it to yourself that you can achieve anything you want, once you set your mind to it.

Lolo Cynthia Is a public health specialist, sexuality educator and founder of the social enterprise LoloTalks, that employs all forms of media (online and offline) to create awareness and sustainable solutions to our contemporary social and health issues in Africa. She also doubles as a documentary and talk show producer and lends her voice on issues regarding interpersonal relationships, sexuality, gender, and social issues through her YouTube channel LoloTalks and her blog.

In Career Gems February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

VETERAN NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS, JOKE SILVA TO ATTEND THE 2019 CANNES FILM FESTIVAL TO DISCUSS WOMEN IN FILM

Veteran Nollywood actress, Joke Silva will be joining a long list of Nollywood practitioners at the Cannes International film festival 2019.

The veteran actress will be attending the film festival as a Nigerian ambassador and panellist. She made the announcement via her Instagram page.

57-year-old Silva will be joining panellists at the film festival for two sessions to discuss women in the business of film and introduce herself to the world as one of the legends from the African cinema.

The veteran actress will be attending the festival in association with Pavillon Afriques, a business platform dedicated to Pan-African film industry professionals & financiers@ Marché du Film at the Cannes International Film Festival 2019.

Credit: fabwoman.ng

In self development February 13, 2019 By Women of Rubies

HOW TO THINK POSITIVE EVERYDAY

Many of us may have heard of the importance of positivity but few can really tell why it’s important. When we are trapped with a reduced number of choices as a result of emotions coming into play, we make wrong regretful decisions.

So it’s really important to think positive.But… how?

Thousands of articles online teach us how to think positive in the most clichéd ways possible. You should cheer up, crack a smile, look on the bright side of life…blah…blah..blah…

Don’t worry! The tips you are going to see below are nothing like those. We aim to offer some practical and specific tips for you to start making REAL changes.

Start with your posture: sit up straight! It’s more than etiquette

While one may think cultivation of positivity always requires conscious effort, indeed it doesn’t.

Sitting up straight may appear irrelevant to positivity. But a study reveals the association between posture and positive thoughts.

The result shows that people are more likely to generate positive thoughts and recall positive memories when they are sitting up straight.^[2]

So, sit up straight right now! Sometimes tiny things in life all contribute to our well-being without us noticing.

Have a teaspoon in your pocket

What else can a teaspoon do other than stirring our refreshing cup of coffee? Well, a Quora user, William Peynsaert, thinks of a brilliant idea to use a teaspoon for our evasion from negativity. ^[3]

All we need is a teaspoon. Nothing more.

Well, technically, we also need a pair of pants with pockets. In case we are not wearing any.

What we do is to put the teaspoon into either one side of the pocket. Whenever we feel like formulating a negative thought, put the teaspoon into another pocket. Just that simple.

The principle behind is that the action occupies our brains so we don’t have spare resources to bring up any negative thoughts. Usually we are quite impulsive to have negative thoughts and by the time we finished transferring the teaspoon, the urge is long gone and SNAP! We successfully stop a negative thought.

At first we may find ourselves doing it over and over again. But eventually, we will do this less and less.

After all, we can choose whatever utensils or stationery or anything that fit us. It’s just a medium.

It may sound silly but it does work.

Instead of news, read something uplifting in the morning

It is common to watch morning news reports. For the sake of keeping abreast of the latest news. This is definitely good not to block ourselves off the outside world. But, what news is mostly about?

Car crash. Terrorist attack. Natural disaster. All sorts of disheartening incidents.

I am not suggesting us not read any news but a trade off. Devote part of your morning on something more uplifting.

Start our daily confidence programming habit. Instead of news update, begin our day by reading a chapter of an empowering book. We can also go for our favorite spiritually boosting and inspirational materials.

List 3 things you’re grateful for every day

It is simple and easy to do. Try to list at least 3 things we are grateful for every day. In the end, we won’t realize how much it helps us.

Researches ^[4] reveal a multitude of benefits in expressing gratitude on a daily basis. Being grateful is associated with our well-being. It can also improve relationships and help with emotional maturity. Gratitude can simply promote happiness.

It’s true that we can always find dissatisfaction in life. Same to satisfaction. Half-filled and half-empty glass.

It’s actually a piece of cake to find things we can express gratitude on.

Start of weekend. Cats and dogs outside. Hiking trip cancelled. Meh!

Well, at least we have a home sheltering us. We even have Netflix to entertain ourselves.

Or, year review.. NO pay raise. Can it be worse?

You are not sacked, aren’t you? You still have a stable job.

Or even, back to very basic. We are still alive, right? We are still living in this world of mystery and amazement. We still have lots to explore. There’s nothing to mourn on.

There are always angels and devils in our brains. While we are usually the devil’s advocate, try to stand on the angel’s side now.

Use the app “Happify” to cultivate positivity scientifically

Ever imagined an app to ‘happify’ ourselves. An app to delight ourselves and brighten our day?

Then try Happify, an app designed specially for us to handle our negative emotions. It provides us with scientifically-proven tools and techniques to promote our emotional well-being.

It consists of short activities and games for us to relearn situations and be more aware of the subtle little things we should be grateful for.

While we usually the gadgets are taking a toll out of us, it is now possible to cultivate positivity right back from it.

Celebrate your small wins every day

One easy way to start cultivating our positivity is to write down our small wins on a daily basis. And research has reassured the potential benefits of doing so.

Progress is a lot more than just a step closer to success, as Amabile and Kramer suggest. In fact, if we properly record our progress, no matter how small it is, we instantly receive a confidence boost!

Teresa Amabile from Harvard Business School and Steven Kramer read through approximately 12,000 diary entries written by 238 individuals from 7 different companies. The employees were asked to write about their emotions and moods, motivation levels, and perceptions of the work environment as well as what work they did and what events stood out in their minds on a daily basis for 4 months. ^[5]

The result showed that any accomplishment, regardless of its size, activates the reward circuitry of our brains. Once activated, a chemical dopamine is released and this chemical is associated to the feeling of pride and achievement.

More importantly, the chemical also motivates us to continue on with the taking challenges and to attempt to repeat the same achievement next time. This forms a positive reinforcement loop that makes us more likely to be successful.

So pay close attention to what you achieved. Ran for 400m? Got up 10 minutes earlier? Mark these down and recognize yourself! It’s never too much.

By: Jefferey Lau

For: Lifehack.org

In Career Gems February 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE HONORED WITH 2019 EVERETT M. ROGERS AWARD FOR REFRAMING THE DISCOURSE ON RACE, GENDER & IDENTITY

It was announced in 2018 that Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie had been named the winner of the 2019 Everett M. Rogers Award. She was honored for reframing the discourse on race, gender & identity.

The award has been presented every year since 2005 in honor of Everett M. Rogers, whose “Diffusion of Innovation” is the second-most cited book in the social sciences.

The event was held on the 7th of February and the writer repped Nigerian design brands by wearing a piece from Fia Factory.

Dean Willow Bay and Marty Kaplan of the Norman Lear Center provide opening remarks, followed by Danai Gurira, actor on Walking Dead and Black Panther.

Watch the award show below.

See photos below.

Credit: Bella Naija

In Career Gems February 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CARDI B MAKES HISTORY AS THE FIRST SOLO FEMALE TO WIN BEST RAP ALBUM AT THE GRAMMYS

Cardi B made history as she became the first solo female artist to win best rap album at the Grammys after being honoured for her debut album ‘Invasion Of Privacy.’

Cardi won the award ahead of other nominees Pusha T, Travis Scott and the late Mac Miller.

Accompanied to the stage by her husband, Migos rapper Offset, the 26-year-old thanked the couple’s daughter,Kulture, who was born in July last year.

She said:

“I’m not just saying thank you because she’s my daughter. It’s because, you know, when I found out I was pregnant, my album was not complete, like three songs that I was for sure having.

“And then you know, you know how it was, we was like, we have to get this album done so I could still do videos while I’m still not showing. And it was very long nights.”
Credit: LIB

In self development February 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

4 QUALITIES OF A KEEPER; HOW TO RECOGNIZE A GOOD GUY

I have a dear friend who was once vivacious and cheerful. As a teenage girl, she had a promising future. She was beautiful, warm, smart and talented. She dated a lot and was widely admired. She had “the pick of the litter” as far as guys went. In college, she met a charismatic guy who made her laugh. He swept her off her feet and they married.

Soon enough, she found out that Prince Charming was really a sociopath. She stayed with him for the sake of her children and suffered in an unhappy, abusive marriage for many years before leaving.

Marriage is a hugely exciting prospect, but when you’re in love with someone, sometimes your emotions can cloud your judgment. Maybe he’s a fun guy, but is he worthy to take your hand in marriage? Can you imagine him as the father of your children?

Of course, you don’t want to spend your life with “Mr. Blah,” but bear in mind the long road ahead. Before committing to the wrong guy, consider the following all-time top four qualities of a keeper. Remember, this is your future we’re talking about!

He is kind to young children and old women

A guy who is both tender with kids and respectful to the elderly is worth a second look. I have a brother-in-law who adores my kids. Even after having children of his own, he makes my kids feel special and cool. He loves roughhousing with them and blending fruit smoothies for them. Similarly, a guy who is a gentleman to his mom and other women is a keeper. A man’s behavior toward women says volumes about the type of person he is.

He is willing to get his hands dirty

When the car stalls or the gutters need cleaned, it’s sure handy to have a manly guy around. Even if your guy isn’t a skilled mechanic or handyman, it’s nice to have someone who will dig in and not shy away from hard work.

A guy with a strong work ethic will teach your children the value of hard work. Don’t settle for someone lazy or someone who won’t pitch in to help maintain your home. A man who extends a helping hand to others is someone worthy of your love, too.

He isn’t in love with himself

Steer clear of the guy who moons over himself. You know – the guy who never saw a mirror he didn’t like.

Who wants to spend her life with a vain man? It’s fine to want to look nice, and no one wants to be with a slob – but pay attention to your man’s ego and make sure he’s not a slave to fashion (for example, too hipster) or his physique. You don’t want a selfish or narcissistic hubby.

He is honest

When you’ve snagged an honest man, you can be assured of several things. Your husband won’t be unfaithful to you. He’ll be true to his co-workers, boss, friends and family members. He’ll be upfront in his financial dealings. When he makes mistakes, he won’t hide them from you because he is a man of honor.

You’ll enjoy peace of mind and feel more secure in your marriage with an honest man.

Each of these four attributes points to another attribute: humility. Find and marry someone who is humble, because he will regard you more highly than himself.

By: Megan Gladwell

Originally for Familyshare

In Career Gems February 11, 2019 By Women of Rubies

OPRAH WINFREY SIGNS MULTI-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH APPLE

Oprah Winfrey has signed a new partnership with Apple.

Credit: xonecole.com

In self development February 10, 2019 By Women of Rubies

REMI COLE: HOW TO HELP YOUR WIFE WHEN SHE’S FALLING APART

You can find them in every grocery store, office, playground and drop off lane at the local elementary school.The women who wipe their children’s tears away, who selflessly serve day after day with little or no appreciation, who juggle working and parenting and sleepless nights and endless guilt, who love their husbands fiercely, who continually look after everyone’s needs except their own. They are the women who quietly run the world.

And, if you’re a woman reading this article, “they” probably means you.

I know the look in your eye. I know what it feels like to give everything and never feel like it’s enough. I know what it feels like to wake up and wonder how you’ll ever make it through the day. Please know that you are not alone.

To the husbands, we need you. We know that we can not walk the path of life alone. When we fall, we need you to catch us, and help us stand tall. We need you to wipe our tears away and hold us so tightly that it’s almost difficult to breathe. We need you to comfort us when life becomes too hard to bear.

To the incredible men who love us, I know that it is hard to know what to do. I know that sometimes the right words are difficult to find. We want to help you help us. I asked women from all over the world to share their thoughts about how husbands can help their wives reset when they are stressed or overwhelmed. I hope these ideas are helpful to you:

Be aware of her responsibilities

Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweigh her time and energy. Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices.

Get involved BEFORE she burns out

The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

Be an active participant

It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life. Work is hard, but your employment status doesn’t give you permission to opt out of chores, disciplining and planning date nights.

Stop trying to fix her problems

Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them.

Hold her

Find something to keep your kids preoccupied, and then take your wife into your arms and tell her how much you love her. Hold her closely and let her cry into your shoulder. Comfort her the best way you know how.

Let her talk for as long as she needs

Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

Be a partner

Marriage is committing to share a life together. To carry one another’s burdens. To cry with one another. To support one another through difficult times. Marriage means being one another’s confidant, lover and friend. You aren’t just two people living together. You are a beautiful union of two people who covenant to love each other forever.

Provide her hope

Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she’s hit rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

Be useful

Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? Does the dog need to be walked? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

Give her a day all to herself

Nothing feels better than getting a manicure, pedicure, hair cut, massage, and a new outfit. Let her sleep in, take a hot bath, and spend some quiet time alone. Support her and take over her day-to-day tasks, so she can have time to take care of herself.

Pray for her

Right before you go to bed, kneel down next to your bed together, hand in hand, and pray. Tell God how much you love your wife. Let him know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He see her.

Ask her what you can do to help

Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know. Because, you know what? She loves you too, and she is grateful every day for what you do for her.

In lifestyle February 9, 2019 By Women of Rubies

HOW TO ERASE ALL TRACE OF YOUR PIMPLES

As if pimples aren’t bothersome enough when they erupt in full volcanic bloom, if you’re not careful they will leave a parting gift in the form of an unsightly scar to remind you of the confidence-zapping time you shared together. Not fun, and definitely not cute.

Blemishes come and go, but rest assured that their existence is nowhere near as eye-catching to onlookers as it is under your scrutinizing glare in the mirror. Yes, pimples are sometimes unavoidable but there is no reason why they should scribble their memoirs on your face. Read on for a how-to guide on removing all evidence that your breakout ever happened.

First up, why do scars form in the first place? A pimple is example of inflammation on the skin, which can sabotage collagen fibres, making it more likely to leave its signature mark on your face. According to top dermatologist Elizabeth Tanzi, MD, your best bet is to control the acne in the first place, “the prevention of a scar is far easier than the treatment of one.” But if you do get a pimple, don’t pick and poke it! “This almost always leads to inflammation, which, in turn can lead to greater scarring.”

Battle your pimple naturally without breaking the skin with the assistance of Mother Nature’s anti-inflammatory defence squad.

Fresh crushed garlic contains potent anti-bacterial properties which shorten the lifespan of a pimple as well as reduce scarring on the skin which can linger as a permanent imperfection. Apply directly to the infected area.

Applying a dot of live yoghurt on your pimple will help to prevent a scar from forming. Its unique cocktail of nutrients, lactic acid and live cultures help banish inflammation and erase the footprint left behind.

Try combining ½ teaspoon of ground turmeric with a drop of water to make a colourful pimple-fighting paste. This is a robust anti-inflammatory spice as well as a natural source of salicylic acid which is hailed as a scar-obliterating super hero on the dermatology scene.

If the zit has been zapped, but still stains your skin, try one of these natural scar treatments:
Pure Aloe Vera gel works its multi-tasking magic by soothing post-pimple trauma, regenerating new tissue, and erasing all evidence of a breakout.

Vitamin E oil is a tonic for damaged skin as it accelerates the healing process of pigmentation scarring. Do not apply this oil to broken skin, only to scars. Rosehip is another scar-striking oil. The essential fatty acids and antioxidant content of rosehip work wonders by fading the trail of a pimple.

This may sound odd, but try gently massaging raw potato on your acne scars (probably best to do this in private!) Potato packs a cooling punch of minerals like sulphur and potassium, as well as vitamin C, which work overtime on scar tissue to help heal it.

Try making this natural face mask which targets pimple scars with multi-functional force. Mix 2 tablespoons of raw honey with ½ a mashed avocado and 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon. The honey provides a healing hug, while the avocado contains a wealth of vitamin E oil. But the piece de resistance is the cinnamon – an anti-inflammatory agent with a generous dash of anti-microbial might to minimize the scar and prevent further zits from sprouting.

Oh and protect your face from the sun… Contrary to popular belief, exposing your pimple scars to the sun in an attempt to fade them can in fact highlight them by darkening the pigmentation. Remember to apply your sunscreen, preferably containing a shot of healing zinc.

Source: Radianthealth Magazine

Women of Rubies