This is really beautiful to watch.
Yvonne Orji has come a long way and she’s sharing a bit of her story with HBO.
For her HBO Backstories: “Insecure” feature, she talks about her journey from grad school, to Miss Nigeria in America, to discovering her talent in comedy, and landing her role as Molly in Insecure.
Watch:
As a mother of five Black boys Fisher told Because of Them We Can that she was inspired by the representation and pride she felt after viewing Black Panther. She saw the absence of newborns dressed as Wakanda citizens as an opportunity.
“I’m constantly seeing creative images that reflect the current culture. I’ve seen babies dressed as every super hero, the Disney princesses, cake smashes and birthday parties of every cartoon imaginable. It’s rare that anything representing Black Panther comes across my screen even with all the popularity.”
After Black Panther was nominated for an Oscar, Fisher began to ideate around what a series featuring newborns would look like.
“I drew a sketch of what each character would look like as a swaddled baby and shelved it for a few weeks, realizing it was a massive undertaking. After the movie both shined, and in my opinion was snuffed, at the awards show, I pulled my notes back out.”
While Fisher tells us she isn’t a seamstress, it might be hard to believe as she handmade each of the costumes pictured.
The final product is a masterpiece. Anyone who has ever photographed a newborn knows how much of an undertaking it is to get the right shot, but Fisher did just that times nine.
She hopes that her series helps people to reflect on the messages in the film and the opportunity we have to create our very own Wakanda.
“Wakanda might be imaginary but it’s a beautiful image of what could have should have and most definitely would have been if the narrative was different in the beginning.”
To find out more about this shoot or to view more of Fisher’s breathtaking work visit www.onceuponaflash.com.
In a country where mental health is seen as taboo and stigma thrives in a culture of silence, one woman set out to change this exactly three years ago.
Award-winning founder, Hauwa Ojeifo who was at that time recently diagnosed with bipolar and posttraumatic stress disorder, and had a near suicide attempt barely 2 months before, set out to change the face of mental health in Nigeria by boldly speaking her truth publicly. She founded She Writes Woman on April 17, 2016.
For three years, She Writes Woman’s mission has been to lead a movement of love, hope and support that gives mental health a voice in Nigeria. She Writes Woman pursues this mission by taking back the misinformed narrative around mental health by telling new stories, connecting help with hope and normalizing mental health conversations by providing safe places where people can talk without fear or shame. Utilising education and awareness, advocacy and policy influence coupled with innovative and sustainable solutions, She Writes Woman’s mission is simple – to create better lives for Nigerians by improving the way they think, feel and behave.
Over the past 3 years, She Writes Woman has initiated a 24/7 mental health helpline averting over 50 likely suicides and counting, and sustained the only women-only mental health support group with over 39 editions directly supporting over 600 women and girls across 4 states in Nigeria. The leading mental health movement in Nigeria has also reached over 500,000 people globally with information and knowledge that will change their attitude and behaviour towards mental health, and recently created Safe Place Nigeria; a first-ever preventative mental health life clinic for young people to address life issues such as stress, relationships, fulfillment etc early enough before they become mental health problems, proudly donated by Airtel Nigeria as part of its Airtel Touching Lives CSR Initiative.
It is no wonder that amongst the organisations’ many accolades and recognitions include Ojeifo’s prestigious award from Her Majesty the Queen of England at the Buckingham Palace in June 2018, being the only African to be nominated (and won) the MTV Europe Music Generation Change Award in Bilbao, Spain and bagging the AstraZeneca Young Health Scholarship in becoming a One Young World Ambassador to the Hague, Netherlands.
In marking her three-year milestone, She Writes Woman unveils her Mental Health Ambassadors – a group of nine diverse women who are leaders in their industries and are passionate about mental health. Among these women are Esther Ijewere (Women of Rubies), Gusi Tobby Lordwilliams (Girl Hub Africa), Glory Edozien (Inspired by Glory, 9to5 chick), Olive Emodi (Award-winning OAP), Fatima Zahra Umar (Jaruma Magazine, Divorce Diaries), Adenike Oyetunde (Amputees United Initiative), Laila Johnson-Salami (Multimedia Journalist), Wana Udobang (Award-winning Journalist), Zahra Zakariya Abdulkareem (The Umm Fariha Network).
“I am so excited to become a part of the inaugural SWW Mental Health Ambassadors. Being able to give a voice to mental health is so important to me as someone that has been clinically diagnosed”, said Laila Johnson-Salami. Speaking on why this is an important position for her, the Jaruma Magazine Chief Editor stated, “I am a survivor of depression…Being that we live in a country that is only just beginning to come to terms with the importance of mental health, I look forward to being part of educating our people on the importance of sound mental health. Lordwilliams also added, “I look forward to representing all that She Writes Woman stands for, getting more people to be aware of its mission, uphold her core values and increasing our reach this year and beyond”.
In the coming year, these mental health ambassadors will use their personal and professional network to raise awareness on mental health and collaboratively work together in creating better lives for Nigerians, says Ojeifo
Currently, a lot of people, both men and women are speaking against police brutality, especially because innocent young men are profiled as cultists and fraudsters because of how they are dressed, their look and the kinds of phones and laptops they use.
To the affirmation of many, Nigerian youths have decried how unfair it is for the police to profile any young man based on his outward look. However, a writer, Doreen Uloma is using this situation to paint a clear picture of how rape victims are blamed for wearing mini-skirt, skimpy dresses, drawing tattoos on their bodies and going out at late hour.
Read what she wrote below
I know this is quite a sensitive topic to touch, but I think it’s time men started telling themselves the truth and began sharing responsibility for the SARS/police brutality they get themselves into.
I am not in support of police brutality of any sort, but men need to become extremely wary of their behavior and the personalities they project in order to avoid police brutality because, to be fair, the world is not kind to men.
Now let’s get to the point: The truth is that as a man, the way you dress says a lot about you. The police are trained to identify criminals with certain visual traits. The closer you are to these traits, the more likely you are to be targeted.
The way you dress speaks highly of your personality. Dreadlocks. Saggy pants. Tattoos. The chains and glitters. The designers. The phones you use. Even your dark lips sometimes pass a hint that you’re a weed smoker. These are visual xteristics that distinguish you from others.
In fact, these traits are common among criminals so there is literally no logical way to defend yourself if you are found wanting in those areas. How do you explain to an officer that your dreadlocks are simply personal and that it has no link whatsoever to a criminal mind?
How do you tell an officer that your saggy jeans have nothing to do with cultism? How do you begin to explain to an officer that your tattoos are not initiation marks? Or those chains – do you really think these officers can understand that your love for gold is innocent?
Do you think an officer understands that you bought those designers you’re wearing with your hard-earned money and that you’re not a thief or a fraudster? Why exactly are you using an iPhone X when you know that that is the popular brand for yahoo boys?
I am not in support of police brutality or things like that but the truth is that men need to start dressing how they want to be addressed. If you don’t want to be addressed as a criminal, then why dress like one?
Why are you giving policemen criminal vibes and then coming here to play victim? Remember, I am not in support of SARS or police brutality but this is the painful truth. I know men don’t want to hear this and will probably attack me for it but it’s the plain truth.
Why do you keep late nights when you know that that is the favorite working hours for criminals? Why do you carry laptops around when you know that that is a fraudster’s favorite working tool? Do you not like your life? Why do you put it at stake?
The other Friday night, a friend called me to bail him from the police station at 12:30 am. Why? He was driving home from the club and was accosted by the police and was yahooly profiled. I had to go pick him up but what was he expecting driving home by that time of the night?
A few weeks ago, I went to Zone 419 to bail another friend and when I arrived the scene, I was disappointed in him. He’d just gotten his hair locked and he had a giant tattoo of some barbed wire on his arm which the police interpreted to be a cult symbol.
Why do men deliberately do this to themselves even though they know that it puts them at the risk of these police people who are paid to do their fucking job? When will they start taking accountability for their contributions to their own plight?
What is even annoying is the way they have generalized policemen as if all of them are bad. Not all policemen are bad and that is a known fact. It’s just a few bad eggs and your bad experiences with a few does not mean that the rest of the pack is evil. Stop generalizing.
When you want to talk about police brutality, say “some policemen”, not “policemen” or “ALL policemen” bc that is a dishonest means of lumping all the eggs in a box. It is false generalization and just bc you’ve had a bad experience with one doesn’t mean that all of them are bad.
Additionally, change your circle. Ask yourself why you keep meeting bad policemen. It’s your fault because that is an indication that you’re doing something wrong. Stop projecting your pain on everyone else.
Another thing I don’t understand is why most of you bring your cases to social media for attention as if this is a court of justice. Take your problem to the authorities and stop littering our timelines with your tears.
You claim you hate policemen but you still hire them as escorts to protect you. Who exactly are you fooling? Grow up and take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming ALL policemen. They’re just doing their fucking goddamn job. Period!
PS: This is exactly how stupid, illogical, insensitive, cruel, unintelligent, foolish and dumb DUMB you sound whenever you blame rape on a woman’s dressing and other things. Or when you shut them down for narrating their experiences. Blame the assaulter and not the victim.
And if this riled you up, then you must also think of how much more it angers women who have to deal with this every other day and how bitter it makes them feel that they have to put up with your nonsense.
Source: woman.ng
“Emotional wellness is not repression. Emotional stability is not denial. It’s not suppression, its expression.” This is why forgiveness must be at your own pace. Your emotions are to be expressed the way and at the pace they can. Forgiveness won’t take place in a day.But another very important thing to note is who you are devoting your energy to. Let’s face it, some people or situations are just not worth the stress.
“There is no love in marriage, friendship or family. Love is in yourself.”
Thirteen women gathered on the 24th of February, 2019, at Africa’s premier life clinic – Safe Place in Ikeja, Lagos for She Writes Woman’s Safe Place (mental health) support group. Since October 2017, She Writes Woman has run monthly women-only support groups in Lagos, and held some in Abuja, Ibadan and Kaduna. About 800 women have benefited from these groups.
Despite being a rainy day with elections just the day before, these women showed up for each other. We talked about things ranging from valid feelings to forgiveness, from important relationships to a formula for happiness. Our facilitator was Oyinkansola Alabi, an emotional intelligence expert and the founder of Emotions City.
The floor was opened with questions centered on friendships, dealing with romantic relationships and mental disorders, coping with heartbreak, abusive relationships, family issues, work-life balance, being emotionally intelligent and more. Truth is, when it comes to relationships, we all always have a lot to say, and lots more to ask.
Relationships are a very important aspect of our lives. They form the basis for purpose and a sense of belonging. Extensive research shows that having good and quality relationships can help us to live longer and happier lives with fewer mental health problems. Loneliness and isolation remain the key predictors of poor mental health. Research has also shown that poor quality or unhappy relationships have a higher negative influence than being alone.
With that in mind, our facilitator began the session with, “Your feelings are valid.”
How many of us truly believe that our feelings are valid? And how could we have? From a young age, we were continuously told, “Don’t cry, you’re a big girl,” “hold your lips” while crying, and we made to shut down as adults when we try to express our feelings.
Then someone asked, “What about forgiveness? Is it possible to forgive someone after years of hurt?”
“Forgiveness is a process,” Alabi answered. “The term, ‘forgiving and forgetting’ doesn’t exist.”
Ah! That hit me hard. Imagine my relief just hearing these words. The person who sold us this idea really pulled a quick one on us. I had always wondered what level of amnesia I needed to have in order to forget a wrongdoing. It just never made sense to me.
“You must forgive at your own pace depending on what you want to achieve. In fact, forgiveness is a three step thing – forgive first, restore second and reconcile last.”
I have seen first hand what the pressure of ‘forgiving and forgetting’ has had on us as a people. We have begun to suppress our feelings and expressions to just create an illusion that forgiveness has taken place. In real terms, what has happened is that we have transferred our anger and hurt (which are perfectly normal emotions) from the person or situation to a kind of resentment (a very deadly emotion) to our own selves.
Outlets like conversations, jogging and other physical activity, journaling, drawing, coloring, etc., are healthy ways to cope or release unexpressed emotions.
“Emotional wellness is not repression. Emotional stability is not denial. It’s not suppression, its expression.” This is why forgiveness must be at your own pace. Your emotions are to be expressed the way and at the pace they can. Forgiveness won’t take place in a day.
But another very important thing to note is who you are devoting your energy to. Let’s face it, some people or situations are just not worth the stress.
“Life is full of balls and eggs. Eggs are those things that when they fall, you fall. Spend 80% of your energy on your eggs. Balls are those things that when they fall, they bounce back up,” Alabi explained.
By far, this was my key takeaway. Key takeaways are perhaps the longest tradition of Safe Place support groups. At the end of every support group, we all take turns to share the one thing we’re leaving the session with.
Eggs could be your family, friends or anything so important to you that if something negative happens to them, you feel the impact in a dire way.
It hit me there and then that a lot of us have been doing this relationship thing all wrong. We invest much of our time, emotions and energy on people who are balls and then we live in this cycle of perpetual dissatisfaction and unfulfillment in our lives and relationships. Your balls will bounce back, your eggs will break. Think about it and let it sink.
We ended our session learning about happiness. After all, that’s really what we ultimately hope that our relationships will give us, right?
When people typically say they are happy, it’s because their current life’s condition or situations or happenings match their expectations. That means – Life Condition = Expectations = Happiness. When your life’s conditions don’t match your expectations, that’s typically when we experience what we call “unhappiness.” That is – Life Condition ≠ Expectations = Unhappiness
This means our great expectations from life and standards we set on ourselves may be the underlying cause of our lack or fulfillment. It might include where you want to be (career, relationship, living conditions, possessions, etc.), who you want to be and how to get to the place that would define success or happiness for you. It’s good to set goals and try to achieve, but sometimes our expectations are holding us back from enjoying life as it is in this moment.
So maybe you didn’t factor losing a life partner, parent, having an abusive partner, being fired from a job, not getting married by thirty. If that is the reality, you must first come to terms with it and then manage and adjust your blueprint or expectations. This means the expectations and standards you had previously set for yourself – consciously or subconsciously, especially in line with societal pressures – will probably have to change. And that’s okay.
For many of us who hold ourselves to very high standards, who value excellence and seem to want to control the outcomes of everything, this can be especially hard and almost seem like reducing our standards sometimes. But you’re not alone. The quest for mentally healthy relationships and living is laced with hard choices to unlearn and relearn new ways to choose our mental wellness over all else.
Join our next women-only Safe Place support group by texting SAFE to 0817 491 3329
About She writes Woman
She Writes Woman is a women-led movement that gives mental health a voice, takes back the misinformed narrative about mental health, normalizes mental health conversations, connects help with hope and creates Safe Places young people can talk without fear or judgment. Follow her @shewriteswoman and see www.linktr.ee/shewriteswoman for more features
Do not suppress your emotions to make other people happy. If you feel sad, cry and let it out. If you feel overwhelmed, take the break you need and focus on yourself. If you experience loss, please allow yourself to grieve.
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Stop telling people to “man up” when they get emotional and stop telling them to be the “bigger person” when they want to react.
“Your score on the hostility scale is really disturbing, and I want us to talk about it.” These were the words my therapist blurted out as I tried to understand what was happening around me. It was an extremely cold Thursday afternoon. February 23, 2017, to be precise. I knew I had lost it completely. If I didn’t seek help immediately, I wouldn’t have made it beyond that week.
I walked into the counselling centre and made an appointment for that same day. I told them it was an emergency, and I think I looked it at that point in time. By 2:30 PM I walked in, and for the first time ever I was talking to someone about my actual problems (I mean, I couldn’t even talk because I was so overwhelmed by various emotions I had buried for over 10 years).
After a whole outburst, my therapist then went on to say, “Hostility doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it just means you have a lot of repressed emotions deep down and they are breaking you down.” For once I didn’t try to deny my feelings. They were out in the open, and I had reached a point where I could no longer run away or hide from them. (I mean, I didn’t talk to my roommate for two weeks, not even a good morning. That was how bad my situation had gotten, because I had suppressed so much and hit rock bottom and could only show extreme emotions. I was either randomly breaking down in class or going straight to bed.)
I had always been the cheerful goal getter who had plans and achieved them. I hardly argued with people because I had an angry side I didn’t want people to see. And it was easier to just snub them or cut them off if they lingered too long. I never showed sweet emotions because I believed they made me weak, and when there was a problem in the group I was the person who kept her emotions strong and in check, so that the group had one strong person to look up to.
Recently I saw a friend’s tweet which said: “Most of us in this generation act like we don’t get hurt, we hide it behind our I don’t care attitude, which is eventually going to hurt us.” Never had I related to a tweet on such personal level.
I wrote about how we need to learn how to deal with failure, and I think knowing how to react emotionally is a huge part of this journey. There are people who bury their grief and sadness in order to appear perfect. There are those who bury their anger in order to gain acceptance. And there are those burying their fears and sorrows so they are not viewed as weak. Some people share their pain, and in response get told they are too sensitive, or should keep things to themselves, and I am here to remind every single person that: it is okay to share your feelings. If someone annoys you, tell them how you feel. Do not suppress your emotions to make other people happy. If you feel sad, cry and let it out. If you feel overwhelmed, take the break you need and focus on yourself. If you experience loss, please allow yourself to grieve.
Allow yourself to heal in your own way, allow yourself to experience emotions in a healthy manner. If you feel you can’t handle your emotions or whatever experience you are going through, I am here to tell you that it’s perfectly okay to reach out and seek help. Some of us at the other end will pull you through, guide you and support you. Your emotions are valid, your experiences are valid, your feelings are valid, and you should never let anyone or even the society tell you otherwise.
Side note: Stop telling people to “man up” when they get emotional and stop telling them to be the “bigger person” when they want to react.
About Ehi
Ehi Agbashi is a quiet and upbeat young lady who graduated with a double major in psychology and biology. She’s passionate about social justice issues, mental health (going to graduate school for clinical counselling) and ethnocultural empathy. She loves sci-fi movies, reading African fiction and exploring new cities. IG:@kyautaa Twitter: @kyaauta.
Kemi is an award-winning and innovative entrepreneur passionate about improving health outcomes in Nigeria. She is a co-host and producer of Health Vibes, a 45minutes health show on Silverbird’s radio, Rhythm 93.7fm Lagos. She is also the Founder and CEO of Genuine Health Africa, a health communications company that provides public relations services to health and wellness organisations and more recently the WINNER of the 2018 WIMBIZ IMPACT INVESTMENT COMPETITION 2018.
Her work was borne out of her desire to address the problem of poor health literacy and health seeking behaviours among Nigerians.
Her company, GHA provides services in form of strategic communication solutions which includes project communication strategy design and implementation, health campaign execution, media scheduling and appearances, social media management & engagement and content management for websites and other platforms.
In just a few months of operation, GHA has worked with numerous clients including award-winning organizations .Kemi has also been recognised by Her Network (Nominee,Woman of the Future 2017), Benola Cerebral Palsy, 2018 Wimbiz impact investment awardee, Young Physiotherapists group among others for her contribution and impact in healthcare.
She shares her journey with me in this interview.
Childhood Influence
As a child, I loved activities like school debate and news casting with the press club. And my parents did well by encouraging and supporting me to do more of those activities I was leaning towards.
I also grew up as an only child with loving parents who are teachers. Growing up, my parents taught me the importance of discipline in achieving any goal, the power of staying committed to a vision and the zero laziness mentality.
Genuine Health Africa
GHA was borne out of the need to solve the problem of poor health literacy and health seeking behaviours among Nigerians. We currently work with health, wellness, non-governmental and other organisations to execute health campaigns and communicate health information in an easy to understand and interesting way using diverse communication channels for maximum outcome.
Challenges
Hiring employees. This was a major challenge for me in the first year of running my business and I have found its a major challenge for most entrepreneurs as well. Hiring employees is also one thing, Managing them to produce desired results is another. But I am glad things have gotten way better over time. My current team understands the vision and they are running with it. I am also operating a unique business in a niche market. While this has its benefits, it also means there are very few businesses locally to model after but I am certainly up for the challenge.
Other project and activities
Beyond working with our clients, GHA embarks on bi-monthly community outreaches to disadvantaged communities to provide free medical checkup, assessment and education. These outreaches allow for early detection and prevention of disease as well as prompt intervention in form of referrals to healthcare institutions when needed. Through these outreaches, we have been able to reach over 1000people in the Mushin, Surulere and Oniru communities. We have one coming up this Easter and would be going to three different communities in Agege, Victoria Island and Ibadan.
Reward
Client Satisfaction and the ‘Thank You’ we get from our clients that our biggest reward.
My brand in five years
In the next five years, we would have expanded operations to at least one other country in West Africa. This will take us one step further towards our vision of becoming the leading health communications company in West Africa.
Being the 2018 Wimbiz impact investment awardee
It was amazing! Wimbiz is known for excellence and that reflected deeply during the competition. From the initial application to the final pitch, it was a detailed and rigorous process. However, it was a fulfilling and rewarding experience.
Who and what inspires you me to be better
This might sound somewhat cliche but I must say my relationship with God. I am daily inspired by purpose and what I have been called to.
Being a woman of Rubies
I am purposeful and confident in my calling.
Dear Woman…
Be unapologetically you. Every other person is taken.
Netflix has acquired its first animated series from Africa titled “Mama K’s Team 4,” produced by South Africa’s award-winning Triggerfish Animation Studios and British kids’ and family entertainment production company CAKE, Variety is reporting.
The series was created by Zambian writer Malenga Mulendema who was one of the eight winners of the Triggerfish Story Lab in 2015.
The series follows the story of four teenage girls living in a futuristic version of Lusaka, Zambia, who are recruited by a retired secret agent to save the world. The series is designed by the Cameroonian artist Malcolm Wope.
Netflix and Triggerfish are now collaborating to search for female, African writers to join the creative team for the series.
Mulendema said of her inspiration for creating the series
In creating a superhero show set in Lusaka, I hope to introduce the world to four strong African girls who save the day in their own fun and crazy way. Most importantly, I want to illustrate that anyone from anywhere can be a superhero.
Melissa Cobb, vice president of original animation at Netflix said:
In addition to giving African writers a global platform on which to be heard, we are excited to present this powerful and entertaining new animated series that brings Malenga’s incredible and unique vision to life on Netflix.
‘Mama K’s Team 4’ has the potential to give a whole new generation of African children the opportunity to see themselves on screen in the powerful, aspirational characters they look up to.
Lara’s story will inspire you to rise above your challenges no matter what life throws at you.. The pretty relationship counselor and matchmaking mistress heart has been broken 15 times alongside other unforeseen life experiences, most recently is her crashed marriage which inspired her to write her fast selling book “Matchmakers marriage break” ,in a bid to own her truth and use her story to inspire single women to make the right decision before walking down the aisle. “ I am not ashamed to tell the world my story, I still believe in the institution of Marriage, sadly mine didn’t work but many are still working” she says as she shares her journey with me in this interview.
Growing up
Well, I don’t think so. I had a normal childhood like everyone else and there was nothing new or special about it. I just knew that I always wanted to be on TV and talk, I had no idea what I would be talking about. I was such such a happy and talkative child who wanted to explore so many things. I loved to read and talk.
Meet Lara
Lara Kudayisi, the first in a family of four. I had a child at 19, 14 heartbreaks and 15. Abortions before I got married. Another chapter of my life started when that marriage broke while I was busy helping people find love and live Happily Ever After. I am a Relationship Expert and a Therapist That specializes in Healing and Recovery from Emotional Dysfunctions and Trauma. I am also an author of 3 books; 21 QUESTIONS SINGLES ASK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY TASTE IN MEN and HOW THE MATCHMAKER’S MARRIAGE FAILED.
Inspiration behind “Matchmaking Mistress”
The Matchmaking Mistress was a name I adopted when I decided to go fully into Matchmaking about three years ago. I had been a Relationship Coach prior to that time and I had a club for singles titled THE COMPLETE SINGLES CLUB. It was a club where singles met, networked and had fun. The club members started talking to me about not being able to find love even when the objectives of the group was to bring people together.
I decided to Matchmake some people then and I saw that they were into it and that was what made me make it a niche then so nobody that I knew was providing that service then.
My new book “Matchmakers Marriage failed”
When I had my daughter at age 19, my dad was so furious with me understandably because I was the first child and he was disappointed in me.
My dad out of anger and pain told me back then that I would likely not get married since I was an After One. Those words were very painful especially since I heard them everyday. I decided to prove him wrong and show him that despite my mistakes, I would get married. I must tell you that that was my greatest mistake I made.
I say that because that was the root of my addiction to relationships and marriage. My goal was to get married and prove my Dad wrong (There is a chapter in my book titled; I MARRIED TO PROVE DADDY WRONG). This made me close my eye to every red flag or sign which was why I ended up having 14 heartbreaks and 15 Abortions.This addiction and Dysfunction was what I carried into my marriage and that contributed largely to why it crashed. This story is what I shared in this book.
A lot of women have been broken and damaged from their childhood or even from their past emotional experiences and they are busy carrying it around without knowing. This is why I need them to read this book and understand the implication of their unresolved hurt and pain.
Reception after my marriage broke
Well, the reception has been both good and bad. A lot of people were shocked that someone who helped other people to find love and live Happily Ever After could have a broken home. They are more shocked that I could even have the audacity to be the one to break the news by writing about it. Shock soon turned into anger because they expect me to be in mourning and hiding instead of coming out to talk about it. Some people are genuinely curious and they really want to know what went wrong while some wants to know for the purpose of gossip. Some other people really want to know what happened so that they can learn from it and avoid falling into such situation.
I love all the audience because it’s a win win for me in all cases. No matter your intention, talking about it in a good way or bad way has helped in promoting the book and making people who truly need it to get to know about it and buying it. Finally, I also have a lot of positive responses from people who are in pain and they can relate to what I went through. They are my actual target audience because they are the ones that need my help in helping them to heal and recover from emotional pain.
Other Projects
Ever since I wrote the book, I have launched THE HEALING BOOT CAMP which is the main reason for ever talking about my sordid past and broken marriage. Healing and Recovery is what people who are broken, damaged and dysfunctional need in order to get better. We are having the Boot Camp in Abuja on March 23rd&24th and in Lagos on April 6th&7th.
Reward
Fulfillment and Joy deep in my heart that no form of money can buy. I’ve seen people who were hopeless and helpless found their self confidence and are now full of life and a new will to do exploits in life. I could identify because I was once like them. I nearly committed suicide when my marriage crashed and I thought that my career and life had ended. I thought that was the end of me and nothing more is left but look at me today, totally living a brand new life with a new desire to do great things in this life all because I went through my healing process which gave me a new perspective to life. There can be no other joy than this that anyone can feel. It’s so so surreal.
Next five years and it’s impact on homes
By then, we would have built THE HEALING INSTITUTE where we would have helped hundreds of thousands of people to Heal and also certify Healing Coaches to spread the word all over the world. We would have toured at least 20 countries and plenty cities launching Conferences that would help lots of people Heal and Recover from Emotional Pain and Dysfunction. We would have had a TV and Radio Station where we would churn out programs that contributes to Mental, Emotional Wellness and Happily Ever After.
My work & marriage
My work had positive influences on my Marriage more than the negatives but the baggage that we brought in was what crashed the marriage.
One lesson I took out of my marriage
Always take your intuition or conviction seriously beyond what anyone else tells you no matter the pedigree of that person. God speaks to us all the time through different means that we don’t even recognize. We just need to be sensitive enough to pick the vibe when he’s speaking. It is now a lesson but it was a reality that could have been avoided.
Advice for women enduring unhappy & abusive marriages
If you are in an abusive relationship or marriage please get out of it before you die. Get Therapy even while you are still there because I know it’s going to be a very hard thing to do all by yourself. The decision to leave a marriage or a long time relationship is a VERY difficult one and you need all the help and support you can get to help get you in the right frame of mind to take that drastic action.
Dear Woman….
LIVE FULLY!!!
People would tell you how to live and not how to live. They would want you to be exactly like them. The world want you to fail in the areas they fail and excel only in the areas that they did. Find your own IDENTITY, it may take a while because there’s no manual for it in this life. However, when you find it, please LIVE it to the fullest. Don’t let anyone give you their own template. Your money is in your Identity. Your happiness is in your identity. Your purpose is in your identity, so also is your purpose.
That you are a woman doesn’t mean you are disadvantaged. You are who you say you are.
Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually
The world is turning digital and so has the dating game. A lot more people have explored the option of dating online because, to be honest, except you’re very active socially, the chances of meeting ‘the one’ on your daily grind are limiting.
There used to be a stigma surrounding online dating, and I think part of it was residual, as judgement was passed down from our parents. Our parents didn’t grow up with the internet, so they view it with a certain distance. But with the advent of the technology, the internet and social media, our world has been cracked wide open.
You get to watch people livestream everything about themselves, post pictures of their day-to-day activities, ups, downs and daily grind. Send a message to a stranger via their social network handle and if you’re lucky, you get a response. Technology has made it somewhat easier to date and connect with people all around the globe. Imagine If your soulmate lived in China and you live all the way in Bulgaria, at least with various apps you can watch and communicate with them in real time.
Almost every facet of our lives is online now: buying clothes, watching TV, ordering food, filing taxes, registering to vote, getting a job, streaming movies, and so on. Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually. And the people you find on these sites vary so much, you really can’t go wrong.
There was a dating show I used to watch called Millionaire Matchmaker, where millionaires paid premium to this lady called Patty to find them a match. During the opening montage she would say, “Everybody wants love, but not everyone finds it.” She has positioned herself as a connector and boasts of a very high success rate, but you would have to pay heavy for her service. For those of us who can’t afford an expensive matchmaker, the internet is free.
Love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods. A few celebrities couples we know have confessed to have connected this way, and are in loving meaningful relationships/marriages today.
Please, if you are going to date online, tread with caution, as there are a lot of weirdos prowling the cyberspace. A few years ago a story made the headlines about a girl called Cynthia Osokogu, daughter to a military officer, who was murdered by a man she met on Facebook. So it is absolutely important to be careful and observant when talking to anyone online. Put your FBI cap on, do some background checks if you must. Don’t give away to much information about yourself. For years there have been stories of internet love scams, and as popular as these stories are, more and more people keep falling prey.
Dating online also allows people exaggerate their profile by fabricating their lives to seem more attractive. So it’s important to be discerning. Take your time, ask questions – lots of questions. Ask for pictures, make video calls, and if they refuse to a video call – red flags should start to go up.
Not to discourage you, but if you are going to try dating online, research your options. Forbes reports that there are about 8,000 dating sites in the world, so ask for recommendations from friends, family, etc. Check out the popular ones, sites that have conducted interviews and have media coverage. In essence, open your mind to other forms of connecting with people and see searching online as a possibility.
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