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Esther Ijewere

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CHISOM WINIFRED: BEING A BROKE CEO

Slow and steady still wins the race. If you’re a broke CEO and your parents are giving you hell, ask yourself: do I need to make money now or do I keep at this for as long as it takes?

We’re gradually moving away from the norm and edging toward change. We question a lot of things, feel powerful because we’re armed. We’re armed with the power of social media. One tweet can change your entire life and this is interesting because exploiting the full potential of this power guarantees us a future our parents never had.

We’re also overly inquisitive and more receptive to new ideologies. We’re embracing newer forms of fashion designing, interior designing, cartoonists, animators, and we’ve even redefined comedy. It is also very intriguing that success can just happen in a minute. You can create something right now that a lot of people will love and before you can say jack the whole world is vibing to your tune (mans nuh hot).

But the universe has an interesting management technique in which everything must balance out. Anything with an advantage must have a disadvantage. Because we’re overly creative, someone is always faster and doing better somewhere. When you think you have this fabulous idea, with adequate research, you find that someone is already doing it. But then, the major disadvantage here is that because we’ve seen that success (which we’ve equated to money and fame) can happen in an instant, it has made us impatient and blind to the process and journey to success. No one wants a business idea that will take a while to flourish. We want the money and we want it now.

However, leaving all these aside for a moment, what I’ve found to be common among millennials is the friction being a broke startup CEO introduces to our relationship with our parents. If you’re someone like Maraji who is at the top of her industry, I don’t think your parents would mind much that all you do is sit at home and make funny videos for Instagram. But if you’re still unpopular and no one pays you six figure amounts to make a video, and you somehow still lean on your parents for financial support, and then refuse to pursue a nine to five, I think we can all agree that the relationship with your parents won’t be so smooth. Arguably, this is the case for nine out of every ten millennial. Having an idea or passion that you believe in, but money is scared of your account.

It probably isn’t helping that we now toss around big titles like CEO, executive director and the likes. “Start-up” sounds so posh and befitting, but half of us don’t even know that we need to be small businesses and not start-ups. Let’s digress and study a bit.

According to Silicon Valley entrepreneur Steve Blank, the biggest difference between the two company types is in their top objectives. Small businesses are driven by profitability and stable long-term value, while start-ups are focused on top-end revenue and growth potential. In simpler terms, starting a small business means you’re in for making money ASAP, but a start-up is an innovation, a distinct idea that has the potentiality to grow big enough to change the market over time (Apple inc).

Here’s how to know: what do you want out of your life in five years? Financial freedom or a really great idea with the potential to blow up? This helps you choose between the two business types according to your goal in life.

We all want to make money now and live that easy life of being financially free and providing for the parents. But here’s a fun fact: Financial experts say that about eighty percent of small and medium enterprises (SMEs) in Nigeria fail within the first five years of their existence, due to lack of experience and other wrong business practices. Let’s face it, Nigeria isn’t exactly an easy place to do business.

We often learn this too late, the effort required to turn an idea, product or service into a groundbreaking and lasting success is nothing short of herculean. There is a huge difference between the idea and the business of the idea. The steps involved are, of course, numerous and complex: refining the concept, defining the market, creating the business plan, conducting the market research, selling the plan to investors, lining up vendors, partners, and suppliers. We get really pumped reading and listening to motivational speeches and tapes but this in no way eliminates the work that needs to be done. Excitement does not sustain a business.

What then is the cure for a broke CEO?

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with starting your entrepreneurial or start-up career with a small business. Building a solid financial base will help create a longer personal financial runway for future start-up ventures, while also eliminating being a broke CEO in your father’s house. Also, establishing a successful small business can build credibility and networks through the business community, which will be hugely valuable when launching a startup that requires outside and huge investments.

Our youthfulness and creativity has cut us open to a lot of pressure. Pressure to make money as soon as possible, pressure from parents, pressure from social media, seeing this one and that one celebrating yet another milestone with a photoshoot and long caption. Pressure gradually builds up to anxiety, self doubt, inferiority complex and even depression.

We all just need to be patient. We need to exit this self imposed pressure and anxiety of trying to be a multi-millionaires in three years. This happens for some people, but not everyone, and the one person we’re truly in competition with is ourselves. Slow and steady still wins the race. If you’re a broke CEO and your parents are giving you hell, ask yourself: do I need to make money now or do I keep at this for as long as it takes?

About Chisom Winifred

Chisom Winifred is a creative/freelance writer, content creator and a self published Author. She’s also the co-founder of C&C Digital a social media management firm, dedicated helping small businesses monetize social media using smart online marketing strategies. Find her on Instagram @chisomwinifred or visit her blog www.chisomwinifred.com

Source: Bellanaija

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TAMMY KYNE: THE BEAUTY OF BEING YOURSELF

It is a terrible feeling to be expected to do or complete something that you are not sure you can do. This can cause undue and unnecessary stress. When you are yourself, you are honest about your limitations, and this gives you the margin you need to maneuver and if necessary outsource jobs or tasks that you can’t do by yourself. I do that alot myself, first for my sanity and secondly to avoid burning out.

One of the biggest lessons I have learnt in the last three years on being yourself is that ; No matter how much you plan, how many team members you have, how great your ideas are, or how much capital you have, you could face disappointment and failure if you are not authentic. We have all had experiences where we felt like we were swimming against the current. Things were just not going well (or as well as we would like) and we had to stop, reevaluate, and regroup.

Everyone knows what you can and can’t do. Your employees very quickly learn your strengths and weaknesses. They get to know what makes you happy and what drives you crazy.

There are a number of benefits to being authentic. Here is just a short list to help motivate you

You are not expected to be perfect

Humility in business is not the same as self-degradation. An element of respect exists when you are sure about your capabilities.  After all, we only have 100 percent. If you are giving that 100 percent in an authentic way, that gives you a better chance at success.

You will learn more.

By knowing and being yourself, you are better able to acknowledge things that you do not know well enough. You won’t be too proud to ask questions because you – and, hopefully, everyone you work with – know how genuine you are. People will respect your ability and even eagerness to pick their brains.

Your goals are clear.

People who are themselves and live happy, fulfilling, authentic lives, have clear goals and ambitions. They are very clear on their motivations and do not overextend themselves to achieve needless results. In other words, they have a laser focus on the important things.

While sharing intimate insights into your life would not be an appropriate means to build fruitful business relationships, it has become quite a trend for colleagues, employees, and employers to share their more human sides.

By using your authenticity and being who you are at your core, you can build trust in your relationships and create a business climate in your life, and work that allows for real fulfillment and joy.

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“WE NEED TO CORRECT THE FALSE NOTION THAT WOMEN ARE BAD DRIVERS”- ENO MARTINS BAKARE

Eno Martins Bakare is the CEO of Girls-on-Wheels Nigeria, a Female Drivers Service and Female Mobile Autowash. A graduate of International relations from the university of Uyo , Eno believes that the modern Nigerian woman is a soul-lifter, a burden-bearer, loving, strong, indefatigable, courageous, always ready to go the extra mile even when the odds are stacked against her. This belief system is what birthed Girls-on-Wheels coupled with the fact that she, being a survivor of child sexual abuse at age 6 and keeping same a secret for 30 years, believes that by introducing professional female drivers to homes with working parents, it will go a long way to provide the support and peace of mind parents need and protection children deserve. To her, Girls-on-Wheels’ offering empowers women and supports families.

She has always been driven by the need to empower women and protect children, hence her founding Schoolbags for Smiles Foundation, her movement for alleviating the distress of the less privileged by connecting privileged children to donate school supplies to underprivileged students.

Eno has a sharp eye for detail as well as a strong knack for results. This she brings to bear in the added benefits she has packed into her social enterprise by working with the largest Background checks company in Africa to provide background checks for her drivers. As well as First aid/CPR trainings for her drivers so they are well equipped in the instance of a medical emergency.

She remains spurred up, balancing being a Mum of 4 with building an unconventional brand. Eno shares her story with me in this interview.

Childhood Influence

My childhood was full of life situations that brought me to this place of assignment. My earliest memories were of being molested at age 6 by someone trusted by my neighbour. The heartbreaking part was it took 30years for me to reveal the traumatic experience to my Mum who broke down because she was pained to think about the 6year old me dealing with a paedophile all alone and not being able to talk because he promised to kill my parents if I did.

I also grew up seeing my Mum work ever so hard to support her family through different stages of life when my soldier father was home or away. She sold Hides and Skin, Soup condiments, Bean balls (Akara), Buns and Puff-Puffs, Gin, Dry Rice, Hollandaise Wrappers, Run a canteen etc

Inspiration behind Girls-on-Wheels Nigeria

Girls-On-Wheels functions as an All-female Mobile Carwash and a Female Private Driver service targeted at Women, children and the elderly. So the story of my surviving child sexual abuse got me to connect the dots that there were children like 6 year old me, now more than ever before, whose parents have to work and leave them with sometimes wolves in sheep’s clothing as caregivers and support system. Also I’ve always been a tomboy and love driving so the conventional businesses that should appeal to women never appealed to me. And i know and have met many women who have a passion for driving. Married, single, separated, name it. What connects these women is their love for driving and not wanting to ne confined by culture and traditions about what they can do and not do. So combining my love for driving and taking on challenges and my belief that women can do whatever we set our minds to achieve, fanned my convictions that bringing this solution to city parents was what I was born to do.

Leaving over 20 years of experience in the advertising sector to start my own business

It simple. I finally found my purpose. My life’s experiences finally made sense to me. I started by pulling my pressure washer to go wash people’s cars and not ashamed to post it on social media. I know my former subordinates and other colleagues were uncomfortable seeing me do something a lot of people see as “menial”. But I was on a journey to Purpose. I eventually understood that a mother knew no shame when it came to doing her bit to take care of her children or showing them an example of dignity in labour. I always had this genderless disposition to whatever I set my mind to do, but it got to a point things were clashing with balancing being a Mum of 4 plus a nephew.  The downturn in the economy also didn’t help, especially when clients were looking for ways to cut costs. It was time to do some serious soul searching and ask for answers. And with God, when you seek, you find.

Impact Schoolbags-for-Smiles foundation  since inception.

The Schoolbags for Smiles Project is one that gives me joy because the idea is to connect privileged children with underprivileged children by the former donating semi-used or new educational items e.g. Schoolbags, shoes, water bottles, story books, exercise books, lunch bags, food bowls, writing materials etc to these needy children.

We have given items to public nursery through primary to junior secondary schools in excess of over 2,150 students in 8 schools. Through what we do, we even got recognition from a Lagos state parastatal by way of donation of books, math sets, bags, calculators etc. But the reality is that we can always do more. Because the need around us is truly amazing. Children walk to school bare feet and carry polythene bags when there are children who don’t use same bag after a term. What this exchange does is give privileged children perspective and underprivileged children a sense of love that privileged children do care.

Work challenges

They are mostly centred on perceptions. First major one is correcting the false notion that women are bad drivers when in reality, backed up by research, women are more safety conscious drivers due to them being born natural nurturers.

Also, people think What we do is for uneducated women who don’t have a choice when the fact is that 90% of our drivers are graduates in very diverse files, i.e. Law, Quantity Survey, Computer and Information Technology etc. They are unstoppable, driven women who are simply looking for an opportunity to excel.

We are also on a consistent quest to increase awareness about the opportunities we are creating for women in the Autocare and Management space. Both prospective Drivers and patrons must be aware.

Reward

Just seeing my female drivers being employed by other females is my greatest reward! We have taken an impossibility and made it possible. Being able to tell myself “Eno you conquered your fears and made something beautiful out of your ugly experiences” is really soul lifting. Knowing I can encourage another woman to SOAR!!!!

Next five years

Oh my!  We would be pan Nigeria and ventured outside Nigeria on our quest to becoming a proudly African Women Empowerment and Gender-Equality brand, celebrated on the global stage because of the problems we are solving and encouragement we are offering women and the society at large.

Advice for women who want to go into driving business

Find your truth, go for it. Don’t let anything stop you once you are convinced it’s for you!

Appreciation of female drivers

Not as much as our Western counterparts BUT we are definitely working on it and together, we’ll make great things happen.

Who and what inspire me to be better

I have 3 daughters and I want them to see me chase my dreams unapologetically so when they become women, wives, mothers they can and will still dare to dream.

And my Mum. She calls me AMBITIOUS. She has always believed in me. She’s my Number one Praise Singer.

Thirdly, I have an intentional Sisterhood. We support each other and that’s very important. If you have a sisterhood, embrace it. If not, it’s still okay.

Being a woman of Rubies

I am a woman of Rubies because I refuse to be defined by my past. I’m constantly pressing towards a higher calling that solves societal problems. I am also doing it against all odds, balancing being Wife, Mum, Child, Aunt, Boss and Servant Leader.

To women….

My dear Women, We have what it takes!  Nothing can stop us when we believe in ourselves. When we hold each other up, we become unstoppable. We can do whatever we believe we can. Because it’s the truth. As we celebrate this year, let’s know and believe we can, and that we are never too late or old to realise our Purpose and Chase it! Let’s go conquer Amazons!

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EZIAHA BOLAJI-OLOJO: DEAR STAY-AT-HOME MUM, THIS MONEY MATTER IS NOT EASY

I picked fault with everything my husband did that pertained to money. If he dropped money on the table for me when going out because I was asleep, I would attribute it to the fact that it was because I wasn’t making money. If I asked for money for XYZ and he didn’t have (genuinely), I would find a way and reason to vex, and even phone a friend to discuss the matter, trade stories and vex even more.

I was out with my husband at our weekend date night, and because I am blessed with the spiritual gift of talking, I didn’t stop catching him up on my whole life. I also wanted to know if, were it an option, he would choose to be at home, get paid for it, and then spend all that time with his family. He said, No. He would rather have shorter work hours, instead of staying home full time.

Spoken like most men, I would say.

Flip it to a recent meeting I had with domestic queens. The speaker mentioned that the reason a lot of us were sad about being stay-at-home moms was money. If someone decided to pay us to stay home and care for the kids, most of us would jump at that offer.

I know I would, but I’m also aware that some women wouldn’t. This is not for those women, and, in fact, I am not oblivious to the fact that, beyond money, you also want to make a difference in the world, which would most likely require you leave your home.

Permit me to filter my audience today to that stay-at-home mom who may have sacrificed a career, or didn’t even get an opportunity to have one, as a result of marriage and pregnancy. The stay-at-home mum who is not making any money due to reasons beyond her control.

A mum like my friend O, who left her job to be with her husband and three kids in a foreign land where any kind of help costs an arm, a leg, and a uterus.

A domestic queen like my neighbor L, whose husband works in a different town. With twins to care for and limited cash, there is barely time for anything else.

Oh, or that stay-at-home mom I met recently, with her four kids and inability to keep any domestic help longer than two months, making it virtually impossible to even process the thought of engaging in any conventional money-making venture.

Yes, you want to make your own money and possibly make an impact, too, no matter how small, but the odds are heavily stacked against you.

How do you navigate this season, where you are absolutely dependent on your husband for everything, right down to your sanitary towel?

If only you had your own money, this staying at home gig would be easier and happier.

I hear you, mum. I really do.

However, here are two things that helped me. Yes, I run a couple of thriving businesses from home, but there was a season – and I can never forget that season – when all I needed had to come directly from Bolaji Olojo.

Oh, at first, I hated that season. I picked fault with everything my husband did that pertained to money. If he dropped money on the table for me when going out because I was asleep, I would attribute it to the fact that it was because I wasn’t making money. If I asked for money for XYZ and he didn’t have (genuinely), I would find a way and reason to vex, and even phone a friend to discuss the matter, trade stories and vex even more.

And that is the first thing I would ask that you don’t do: Stop discussing your offenses with people who would only make you feel worse, who don’t help the situation. It is useless. I had to completely stop it.

I also had to sit down and have a conversation with myself. I wanted to go back to work and make my own money, but the way my life and home was set up, I couldn’t afford it. This was my whole life and reality in this season, so instead of wishing it away and wasting precious time, how about I found ways to maximize the season and keep my joy?

Let me tell you, sis, the state of your mind is so powerful. If your mind is unsettled and constantly coveting the next season, you will see no good at all in what you have now. But when you put your eyes down, like my mother would say, you will find fruit in what you hitherto thought was a dry place

I don’t know what ‘fruit’ looks like to you and your season, but one of mine was my writing gift. I was faithful to my blog eziaha.com and shared what I knew with the world from my home. I still cannot forget the day one of my readers who constantly was inspired by my writing sent me ₦30,000. I was blown away. This from someone I had never met. Then another friend sent me money for my data for five months, as she said she wanted to make sure nothing hindered me from blogging on a regular basis.

Today, I am still writing on my blog and on several platforms, and am now making regular income—gifts aside—from my writing gigs.

Oh, but I didn’t just sell you a formula. No, ma, there are really no formulas or rules. However, one thing I know for sure is this: Dear Domestic Queen, there is fruit everywhere around us, but first, embrace your season and portion.

 

About Eziaha

Eziaha Bolaji-Olojo (CoachE’) is a Food and Fitness Coach and CEO at CoachE’Squad Ltd, a thriving home-based business where she serves Jesus and Fitness to the world. Asides helping women live optimized lives through a healthy food and fitness routine, she runs a personal Faith-based blog www.eziaha.com where she chronicles her Christian walk, and holds regular meetings called POWWOW with E’ for Stay at home moms.She is a First-Class Graduate of Sociology, holds a UK degree in Personal Nutrition and a Pre-natal and Postnatal Fitness Specialist Certification endorsed by the American Fitness Professionals Association (AFPA). She is also an Alumnus of Daystar Leadership Academy (DLA). Above all these, she is a proud wife and mom to two boys and takes that assignment very seriously. She is a product of many teachers and mentors, constantly going for knowledge, regularly pours into mentoring younger folks, loves stir-fry eggs and home-made zobo, and is a proud member of Daystar Christian Centre.Eziaha can be found on Instagram @stayhomemoms.ng and on Twitter as @eziahaa, and you can email her on eziaha@eziaha.com

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EHI AGBASHI: WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT FAILURE IS A PART OF LIFE

Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned

“If you continue curving every guy you will end up in Shiloh praying for a husband at 30.”

“Your mates are already university graduates, but here you are.”

“Who told him to run for that office? Look at him now he couldn’t even win after all the noise.”

These are a few of the criticisms I have heard people hurl around. They have been used to remind people that they failed to achieve certain goals at the age the society set for them.

In the Nigerian society, people believe that at a certain age, some things have to have been accomplished. One should be done with school by 22, married with a career at 25, and at 30 an individual is expected to have at least a solid home and children. What no one talks about is what happens when your life doesn’t go as planned?

What happens when you fail at achieving a major goal, and what happens when you never had a backup plan?

A lot of us graduate from secondary school with the expectation of getting into the university immediately, even if we are not sure this will be the case. No one prepares the Nigerian child for failure, even if we all know they will occur.

Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned.

You are expected to succeed and failure is never an option. If a child fails a class, parents believe he/she has been influenced negatively. If a woman isn’t married by 25 people throw snide comments her way. If a young man doesn’t have a job and a house at 30 he is viewed as a lesser man. I have seen people who would rather put themselves through hell than fail. They would rather study courses they have no passion for than appear as a failure to their loved ones.

I think that we fail more when we try to avoid failure, and I don’t blame anyone who is going through this because our Nigerian society at large has attached shame with failure. I really don’t mean to encourage failure, all I am saying is that we need to do more to help ourselves and others around us know that failure is a necessary part of life, and there are ways to make a more positive comeback after it happens.

We need to be able to hug our friends and let them know that they are not a failure just because they couldn’t pass one class. We need to let our children know that it is okay to try again;  if possible, try something new, if their plans don’t go as expected. Religious leaders need to remind their congregation that failure and setbacks aren’t spiritual attacks, and teachers need to encourage students, let them know that setbacks are to be expected in life.

About Eyi Agbashi

Ehi Agbashi is a quiet and upbeat young lady who graduated with a double major in psychology and biology. She’s passionate about social justice issues, mental health (going to graduate school for clinical counselling) and ethnocultural empathy. She loves sci-fi movies, reading African fiction and exploring new cities. IG:@kyautaa Twitter: @kyaauta.

Source: Bellanaija
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TARAJI P.HENSON TALKS ABOUT HER STRUGGLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH IN VARIETY MAGAZINE’S NEW ISSUE

For Variety’s 2019 #PowerOfWomen: New York issue, Variety profiled Taraji P. Henson who shared how she’s working to eradicate mental health stigmas in black communities.

She says, “We’re walking around broken, wounded and hurt, and we don’t think it’s OK to talk about it. We don’t talk about it at home. It’s shunned. It’s something that makes you look weak. We’re told to pray it away. We’re told to pray it away. Everyone was always asking me, ‘Do you have a charity?’ Well, dammit, this is going to be my calling, because I’m sick of this. People are killing themselves. People are numbing out on drugs. Not everything is fixed with a pill.”

Taraji opened up about her own depression and anxiety, and how she handles it.

In order to get a grip on her depression, Taraji P. Henson stepped back from social media and started regularly seeing a therapist: “I suffer from depression. My anxiety is kicking up, even more, every day, and I’ve never really dealt with anxiety like that. It’s something new.”

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#PROFILE| MEET HENRIETTA LACKS, THE SUBJECT OF A MEDICAL EXPERIMENT STILL SAVING LIVES TODAY

Doctors stole her cells. Henrietta Lacks was an accidental pioneer of modern-day medicine; her cells are saving lives today even though she died in 1951.

Lacks was a 31-year-old mother of five when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Just months before her death, doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore sliced pieces of tissue from her cancerous tumor without her consent — in effect, stealing them. It was another instance of decades of medical apartheid and clinical practices that discriminated against blacks. Lacks was not a slave, but parts of her cancerous tumor represent the first human cells ever bought and sold.

Her cells, known among scientists as HeLa, were unusual in that they could rapidly reproduce and stay alive long enough to undergo multiple tests. Lacks’ cells — now worth billions of dollars — live in laboratories across the world. They played an important part in developing the polio vaccine, cloning, gene mapping and in vitro fertilization. The HeLa cell line has been used to develop drugs for treating herpes, leukemia, influenza and Parkinson’s disease. They’ve been influential in the study of cancer, lactose digestion, sexually transmitted diseases and appendicitis.

Lacks’ story is an example of the often-problematic intersection of ethics, race, and medicine, a link to the dark history of exploitation of, and experimentation on, African-Americans that ranges from the Tuskegee syphilis study to a 19th-century doctor experimenting with gynecological treatments on slave women without anesthetics.

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OLACHI OLATUNJI: ONE GIRLS’ GUIDE TO STRESS-FREE PARENTING

Part 1 of 3

If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.

Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?

At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).

Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!

You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.

Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?

Well, your center, your middle, your core.

Here’s how to hold it

You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.

A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.

That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.

He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.

P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.

You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.

Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.

This is your center.

You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms.  I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?

I mean, really! Think about it.

Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

About Olachi

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

 

 

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7  CORE BEHAVIORS OF PEOPLE WHO POSITIVELY IMPACT THE WORLD

Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people – those who hate their work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their work and see it as a paycheck and aren’t looking for more (or feel they can’t have more), and finally, those who love their work, and relish it.  The third category is a small subset of all professionals globally, but this group stands out because these are, most often, the people who change the world for the better.

It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch.  Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.

The 9 core behaviors of people who positively impact the world are:

  1. They dedicate themselves to what gives their life meaning and purpose.

Thousands of people today don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to discover or pursue in life.  And others believe in a life purpose but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it.  Those with positive influence feel otherwise.  They have found that there is a purpose to their life, and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “mess into a message,” or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.  People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and lit up from the inside – unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path.  It informs them of what they wish to attend to in life, and what they need to walk away from because it doesn’t support their higher purpose.

2. They invest time and energy not in what is, but what can be.

The people I’ve interacted with and interviewed who’ve made a positive impact in the world don’t settle for conformity.  When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions.  They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior, and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted.   They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.

3. They embrace critique.

The most powerful positive influencers don’t need or want to be “right” – they want to grow and be more effective.  For that to occur, they walk right into critique, and they embrace challenge.  They’re not afraid to put their work out there for others to poke holes in.   They are strong and confident in the face of opposition, yet know how to integrate constructive feedback to strengthen their work and ideas. They engage in open dialogue and welcome scrutiny.

4. They spread what they know.

We’ve all met authors or “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas.  This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset.  Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell, as a meal ticket or a money maker – they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They believe their ideas and innovations are of use and value to others, and can’t help but share those openly, and teach others what they’ve learned.  They live the universal principle  – “the more you give, the more you get.”

5. They uplift others as they ascend.

You’ve experienced, as I have, scores of “leaders” and high-achievers who’ve gotten where they are by stepping on the heads and backs of those in the way.  These are not true leaders or influencers because their power is a sham – it was obtained unethically and is shallow and weak, and can’t be sustained over the long haul.   I have encountered power-mongers who were crushing and cruel to their subordinates and I wondered when they would finally reap what they’ve sown.  Over the long term, this day always comes.

On the other hand, people who positively impact the world not only obtain amazing results in their work, but their process of obtaining these results – how they operate in life — is also inspiring and uplifting.  They are happy to help and support others, and have an overflow of positive energy that enriches the lives of everyone they work with and connect with.  These positive influencers want others to grow.  They walk away from “success-building” opportunities that will be hurtful and damaging to others. They know that those unethical, demeaning or destructive approaches go against the very meaning and purpose they’re committed to.

6. They view the journey as the goal.

Positive influencers don’t take short cuts or go for the quick buck or easy answer. They don’t view some arbitrary goal or outcome as a destination, because they believe there is no end – it’s all in the journey.  It’s about what they’re learning, experiencing, and building that helps others, and for that, there is no defined end point.  They embrace failure more readily than others as “information” that guides them.  They are more fluid and flexible, and more open to the “how’s” because their ultimate goal is not about upholding their title, income, reputation, stature or power, but about new ways to help and share what they know.

7.They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in business today to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. They understand the widespread influence they have, the power they have to build up and elevate, or tear down.  Those who impact the world for the better are careful and judicious with their words, actions and behaviors. They operate with heart, and care deeply about their leadership and communication process and style, and the influence they have.  They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused.  They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Are you longing to make a positive impact in the world?  If so, do these behaviors match your own? How are they different?

By: Kathy Caprino for Forbes

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CHUKWUNETA OBY: VICTIMS OF OUR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE…

Sometimes, all a lady seems to just want is a husband material, the type of man that comes with the right values, etc.

Then, when such a man seems to come her way, she realizes that he is a husband material quite alright, just that he lacks that “swag”, that sexiness, that “fine boy” edge…that excites. And he ends up being roundly abused!

Therefore, a man who has only treated a woman well ends up being paid back with ingratitude. All these and more have simply taught me that some of us are simply victims of our emotional damage. When a man is not mean to them and has not treated them badly… they don’t feel complete. Playboys seem to hold a permanent magnet of sorts on them. A decent guy is not easily appreciated by them.

Even after going through a harrowing experience in the hands of a man that has been mean to her, as soon as she catches her breath…she finds her way back to him-for more experiences.

The proclivity towards bad boys has a strong hold on most women. Yet we all know that it takes stability of (attitude) for a relationship to succeed…anything contrary leaves a trail of heartbreak and tears behind.

There are men that deafen one’s hearing with “wife material requests” but the moment a decent lady comes their way-they get bored faster than fast and begin to yearn for the wild ones. People, to whom “goodness” is lost on, get their kicks from being saddled with unpleasant characters.

One of my friends had been on my neck to help find him a wife.

When it seemed to me he was serious enough, I decided to show him some pictures of a few friends that are still in the singles market.

I didn’t bother asking him too many questions about the qualities he wants in a lady because experience has taught me that some of them can tell you all you want to hear-just to impress and make you conclude they’ve got their heads properly screwed on their shoulders-even when their body language is pointing to the things (freaky in nature) that are left unsaid.

So, I decided to come to my own conclusion by watching him. I observed that CHARACTER was not in the picture (yet) for him and he bluntly confirmed my worst fears by telling me that once he is OKAY with a lady’s looks-he can easily tolerate her character…

Interestingly, his past failed relationships have a similar trend (IN YOUR FACE looks –amongst the ladies), judging from the pictures of his EX (es) that he showed me. My only worry is that he continued to let LOOKS be the sole determinant of his choice of a marriage partner.

I expected him to veer from this norm for once and see if he can get a different outcome. That is my opinion, though!

He has made his choice and I have never stopped praying for the success of that “setting” because my humble neck is seriously at stake here-should anything go awry. I am the one that’s going to receive “you are siding with him/her’’ bullets from both sides, when things get out of hand and one has to intervene.

However, if you find yourself frustrated that all your niceness has not yielded results in your love life, please don’t fall prey to the mentality that you have to give up “being good” to attract someone.

Being less than yourself won’t fulfill you. Also, perish the thought that whom you love should love you back. Actually, no one owes you their affections because you feel you are good. Everyone’s heart is theirs to give at their own discretion and it cannot be demanded.

A friend once said: “Most Nigerian ladies don’t appreciate a good or gentle man because most times 99 per cent of men and women carry the baggage of the last bad relationships to the new one. They already expect the worse even before it happens. Yes, experience is a good teacher, but we stick more to the past and destroy the present and future in our relationships. Another thing is the attitude of “I will get and take what I can immediately first and forget about tomorrow’’. A wise man once told me and I quote “life and happiness is a journey and not a destination.”

But, this concludes it for me: ‘’Nigerians take everything as a destination, our life, our job, our family and love life, all as a destination. The situation in Nigeria has also changed the dynamics of relationships, most guys see women as commodities and women see men as opportunity to get and better their lot. We should look at relationships as a selfless venture for the one we love.’’

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