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Esther Ijewere

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EHI AGBASHI: WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT FAILURE IS A PART OF LIFE

Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned

“If you continue curving every guy you will end up in Shiloh praying for a husband at 30.”

“Your mates are already university graduates, but here you are.”

“Who told him to run for that office? Look at him now he couldn’t even win after all the noise.”

These are a few of the criticisms I have heard people hurl around. They have been used to remind people that they failed to achieve certain goals at the age the society set for them.

In the Nigerian society, people believe that at a certain age, some things have to have been accomplished. One should be done with school by 22, married with a career at 25, and at 30 an individual is expected to have at least a solid home and children. What no one talks about is what happens when your life doesn’t go as planned?

What happens when you fail at achieving a major goal, and what happens when you never had a backup plan?

A lot of us graduate from secondary school with the expectation of getting into the university immediately, even if we are not sure this will be the case. No one prepares the Nigerian child for failure, even if we all know they will occur.

Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned.

You are expected to succeed and failure is never an option. If a child fails a class, parents believe he/she has been influenced negatively. If a woman isn’t married by 25 people throw snide comments her way. If a young man doesn’t have a job and a house at 30 he is viewed as a lesser man. I have seen people who would rather put themselves through hell than fail. They would rather study courses they have no passion for than appear as a failure to their loved ones.

I think that we fail more when we try to avoid failure, and I don’t blame anyone who is going through this because our Nigerian society at large has attached shame with failure. I really don’t mean to encourage failure, all I am saying is that we need to do more to help ourselves and others around us know that failure is a necessary part of life, and there are ways to make a more positive comeback after it happens.

We need to be able to hug our friends and let them know that they are not a failure just because they couldn’t pass one class. We need to let our children know that it is okay to try again;  if possible, try something new, if their plans don’t go as expected. Religious leaders need to remind their congregation that failure and setbacks aren’t spiritual attacks, and teachers need to encourage students, let them know that setbacks are to be expected in life.

About Eyi Agbashi

Ehi Agbashi is a quiet and upbeat young lady who graduated with a double major in psychology and biology. She’s passionate about social justice issues, mental health (going to graduate school for clinical counselling) and ethnocultural empathy. She loves sci-fi movies, reading African fiction and exploring new cities. IG:@kyautaa Twitter: @kyaauta.

Source: Bellanaija
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TARAJI P.HENSON TALKS ABOUT HER STRUGGLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH IN VARIETY MAGAZINE’S NEW ISSUE

For Variety’s 2019 #PowerOfWomen: New York issue, Variety profiled Taraji P. Henson who shared how she’s working to eradicate mental health stigmas in black communities.

She says, “We’re walking around broken, wounded and hurt, and we don’t think it’s OK to talk about it. We don’t talk about it at home. It’s shunned. It’s something that makes you look weak. We’re told to pray it away. We’re told to pray it away. Everyone was always asking me, ‘Do you have a charity?’ Well, dammit, this is going to be my calling, because I’m sick of this. People are killing themselves. People are numbing out on drugs. Not everything is fixed with a pill.”

Taraji opened up about her own depression and anxiety, and how she handles it.

In order to get a grip on her depression, Taraji P. Henson stepped back from social media and started regularly seeing a therapist: “I suffer from depression. My anxiety is kicking up, even more, every day, and I’ve never really dealt with anxiety like that. It’s something new.”

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#PROFILE| MEET HENRIETTA LACKS, THE SUBJECT OF A MEDICAL EXPERIMENT STILL SAVING LIVES TODAY

Doctors stole her cells. Henrietta Lacks was an accidental pioneer of modern-day medicine; her cells are saving lives today even though she died in 1951.

Lacks was a 31-year-old mother of five when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Just months before her death, doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore sliced pieces of tissue from her cancerous tumor without her consent — in effect, stealing them. It was another instance of decades of medical apartheid and clinical practices that discriminated against blacks. Lacks was not a slave, but parts of her cancerous tumor represent the first human cells ever bought and sold.

Her cells, known among scientists as HeLa, were unusual in that they could rapidly reproduce and stay alive long enough to undergo multiple tests. Lacks’ cells — now worth billions of dollars — live in laboratories across the world. They played an important part in developing the polio vaccine, cloning, gene mapping and in vitro fertilization. The HeLa cell line has been used to develop drugs for treating herpes, leukemia, influenza and Parkinson’s disease. They’ve been influential in the study of cancer, lactose digestion, sexually transmitted diseases and appendicitis.

Lacks’ story is an example of the often-problematic intersection of ethics, race, and medicine, a link to the dark history of exploitation of, and experimentation on, African-Americans that ranges from the Tuskegee syphilis study to a 19th-century doctor experimenting with gynecological treatments on slave women without anesthetics.

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OLACHI OLATUNJI: ONE GIRLS’ GUIDE TO STRESS-FREE PARENTING

Part 1 of 3

If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.

Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?

At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).

Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!

You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.

Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?

Well, your center, your middle, your core.

Here’s how to hold it

You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.

A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.

That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.

He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.

P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.

You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.

Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.

This is your center.

You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms.  I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?

I mean, really! Think about it.

Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

About Olachi

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

 

 

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7  CORE BEHAVIORS OF PEOPLE WHO POSITIVELY IMPACT THE WORLD

Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people – those who hate their work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their work and see it as a paycheck and aren’t looking for more (or feel they can’t have more), and finally, those who love their work, and relish it.  The third category is a small subset of all professionals globally, but this group stands out because these are, most often, the people who change the world for the better.

It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch.  Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.

The 9 core behaviors of people who positively impact the world are:

  1. They dedicate themselves to what gives their life meaning and purpose.

Thousands of people today don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to discover or pursue in life.  And others believe in a life purpose but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it.  Those with positive influence feel otherwise.  They have found that there is a purpose to their life, and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “mess into a message,” or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.  People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and lit up from the inside – unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path.  It informs them of what they wish to attend to in life, and what they need to walk away from because it doesn’t support their higher purpose.

2. They invest time and energy not in what is, but what can be.

The people I’ve interacted with and interviewed who’ve made a positive impact in the world don’t settle for conformity.  When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions.  They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior, and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted.   They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.

3. They embrace critique.

The most powerful positive influencers don’t need or want to be “right” – they want to grow and be more effective.  For that to occur, they walk right into critique, and they embrace challenge.  They’re not afraid to put their work out there for others to poke holes in.   They are strong and confident in the face of opposition, yet know how to integrate constructive feedback to strengthen their work and ideas. They engage in open dialogue and welcome scrutiny.

4. They spread what they know.

We’ve all met authors or “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas.  This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset.  Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell, as a meal ticket or a money maker – they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They believe their ideas and innovations are of use and value to others, and can’t help but share those openly, and teach others what they’ve learned.  They live the universal principle  – “the more you give, the more you get.”

5. They uplift others as they ascend.

You’ve experienced, as I have, scores of “leaders” and high-achievers who’ve gotten where they are by stepping on the heads and backs of those in the way.  These are not true leaders or influencers because their power is a sham – it was obtained unethically and is shallow and weak, and can’t be sustained over the long haul.   I have encountered power-mongers who were crushing and cruel to their subordinates and I wondered when they would finally reap what they’ve sown.  Over the long term, this day always comes.

On the other hand, people who positively impact the world not only obtain amazing results in their work, but their process of obtaining these results – how they operate in life — is also inspiring and uplifting.  They are happy to help and support others, and have an overflow of positive energy that enriches the lives of everyone they work with and connect with.  These positive influencers want others to grow.  They walk away from “success-building” opportunities that will be hurtful and damaging to others. They know that those unethical, demeaning or destructive approaches go against the very meaning and purpose they’re committed to.

6. They view the journey as the goal.

Positive influencers don’t take short cuts or go for the quick buck or easy answer. They don’t view some arbitrary goal or outcome as a destination, because they believe there is no end – it’s all in the journey.  It’s about what they’re learning, experiencing, and building that helps others, and for that, there is no defined end point.  They embrace failure more readily than others as “information” that guides them.  They are more fluid and flexible, and more open to the “how’s” because their ultimate goal is not about upholding their title, income, reputation, stature or power, but about new ways to help and share what they know.

7.They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in business today to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. They understand the widespread influence they have, the power they have to build up and elevate, or tear down.  Those who impact the world for the better are careful and judicious with their words, actions and behaviors. They operate with heart, and care deeply about their leadership and communication process and style, and the influence they have.  They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused.  They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Are you longing to make a positive impact in the world?  If so, do these behaviors match your own? How are they different?

By: Kathy Caprino for Forbes

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CHUKWUNETA OBY: VICTIMS OF OUR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE…

Sometimes, all a lady seems to just want is a husband material, the type of man that comes with the right values, etc.

Then, when such a man seems to come her way, she realizes that he is a husband material quite alright, just that he lacks that “swag”, that sexiness, that “fine boy” edge…that excites. And he ends up being roundly abused!

Therefore, a man who has only treated a woman well ends up being paid back with ingratitude. All these and more have simply taught me that some of us are simply victims of our emotional damage. When a man is not mean to them and has not treated them badly… they don’t feel complete. Playboys seem to hold a permanent magnet of sorts on them. A decent guy is not easily appreciated by them.

Even after going through a harrowing experience in the hands of a man that has been mean to her, as soon as she catches her breath…she finds her way back to him-for more experiences.

The proclivity towards bad boys has a strong hold on most women. Yet we all know that it takes stability of (attitude) for a relationship to succeed…anything contrary leaves a trail of heartbreak and tears behind.

There are men that deafen one’s hearing with “wife material requests” but the moment a decent lady comes their way-they get bored faster than fast and begin to yearn for the wild ones. People, to whom “goodness” is lost on, get their kicks from being saddled with unpleasant characters.

One of my friends had been on my neck to help find him a wife.

When it seemed to me he was serious enough, I decided to show him some pictures of a few friends that are still in the singles market.

I didn’t bother asking him too many questions about the qualities he wants in a lady because experience has taught me that some of them can tell you all you want to hear-just to impress and make you conclude they’ve got their heads properly screwed on their shoulders-even when their body language is pointing to the things (freaky in nature) that are left unsaid.

So, I decided to come to my own conclusion by watching him. I observed that CHARACTER was not in the picture (yet) for him and he bluntly confirmed my worst fears by telling me that once he is OKAY with a lady’s looks-he can easily tolerate her character…

Interestingly, his past failed relationships have a similar trend (IN YOUR FACE looks –amongst the ladies), judging from the pictures of his EX (es) that he showed me. My only worry is that he continued to let LOOKS be the sole determinant of his choice of a marriage partner.

I expected him to veer from this norm for once and see if he can get a different outcome. That is my opinion, though!

He has made his choice and I have never stopped praying for the success of that “setting” because my humble neck is seriously at stake here-should anything go awry. I am the one that’s going to receive “you are siding with him/her’’ bullets from both sides, when things get out of hand and one has to intervene.

However, if you find yourself frustrated that all your niceness has not yielded results in your love life, please don’t fall prey to the mentality that you have to give up “being good” to attract someone.

Being less than yourself won’t fulfill you. Also, perish the thought that whom you love should love you back. Actually, no one owes you their affections because you feel you are good. Everyone’s heart is theirs to give at their own discretion and it cannot be demanded.

A friend once said: “Most Nigerian ladies don’t appreciate a good or gentle man because most times 99 per cent of men and women carry the baggage of the last bad relationships to the new one. They already expect the worse even before it happens. Yes, experience is a good teacher, but we stick more to the past and destroy the present and future in our relationships. Another thing is the attitude of “I will get and take what I can immediately first and forget about tomorrow’’. A wise man once told me and I quote “life and happiness is a journey and not a destination.”

But, this concludes it for me: ‘’Nigerians take everything as a destination, our life, our job, our family and love life, all as a destination. The situation in Nigeria has also changed the dynamics of relationships, most guys see women as commodities and women see men as opportunity to get and better their lot. We should look at relationships as a selfless venture for the one we love.’’

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YETTY WILLIAMS: HOW WOMEN BALANCE FOR BETTER AND DEAL WITH THE MATERNAL WALL

The International Women’s Day which is celebrated on the 8th of March every year is set aside to recognize women, how far we have come and to highlight how much work there is yet to go when it comes to gender equality. The theme this year is Balance for Better. I do not like to jump on trends without understanding what we are really highlighting. So I have been asking how women can balance for better and deal with the maternal wall.

Are you a woman married with children who suddenly got a superwoman cape? The average woman is expected to just carry on the way she was before children. Her job expects the same deliverables from her. In reality though, if she is a first time mum the increased demands on her time and emotions cannot be quantified. She might have a boss and team members who welcome her back after her maternity leave and see her as the same person who can deliver the same things. The other option is that she eventually experiences the maternal wall; the stereotypes, biases, and discrimination, both overt and silent that face a working mother.

What does Balance for Better really mean then?
For me, it really means that we must balance all our demands better. A working woman still carries the majority of the demands when it comes to caring for the home and the family. She is meant to give her all at work and give her all at home. The guilt is massive and constant. She feels guilty as a working mother who will miss some of her child’s activities or the first step. Movies really need to stop portraying this scene by the way; guess what your child will take a million steps. She feels guilty as a stay-at-home mum because she wishes she was more financially “balanced.”

The first thing to balance better is to accept that life is about sacrifices. We need to stop this narrative about having it all, at the same time, all the time. You see the argument about whether work-life balance is a myth or achievable will probably always be a topic. Depending on who you ask, it is either yes or no. I believe work-life balance is possible, you just need to know what balance looks like for you.

When you ask the average working mother what work-life balance looks like for her, she is probably comparing herself to some unattainable ideal, or cannot tell why she feels that she is not finding her balance. You cannot achieve what you cannot visualise.

More Balance All Around
We need more balance in the homes, on the job, in our finances and in the opportunities that we take.

Mothers need to be comfortable asking for help and be okay with not being able to say Yes to everything. It is okay to say No without apologizing or feeling bad! I read a life-changing book, called Essentialism, by Greg McKeown. My biggest take away from the book was that every time you say Yes you say No to something else.

This has been my life goals since then and helps me to strive for balance in all areas. If I say yes to something, I accept that there is something else I am saying no to in that moment or season.

Life is truly in seasons, the children need you when they are babies, they need you when they start school, they need you when they are choosing secondary school or jobs and need you when they start dating. The point is that your children will always need you in some shape or form, but will not always need you the same way or with the same intensity. How do you balance all the demands in your life? Be comfortable making sacrifices, saying no sometimes, so you can say yes to the things that matter to you.

Focus on what is important for you. Do not put your ladder against someone else’s wall! Is picking your child from school everyday more important to you than a demanding job that won’t give you flexi time? You have a choice to make. Are you in a job that is not paying you as much as your male colleagues? Make a case for an increase in salary without fear or guilt of seeming greedy.

Flexibility
When a woman becomes a wife and has children, she needs flexibility. I really believe working mothers need flexibility and yes, longer maternity leave.

The flexibility is, however, needed both at home and in the workplace. On my weekly radio parenting talk show today, a husband called and said he chose to sacrifice his job so that he can be more flexible and be a more hands-on parent; while his wife who is an engineer continues to rise in her career and go back to school for a higher degree. He said he takes care of most of the needs at home so she can focus on her job.

In the evening when she is too tired, he even pops out to buy her food from the local restaurant. This is what you call couple goals!

The real balance we seek as working women and wives starts with our spouses and the home first before we even talk about the workplace.

Balance The Stress and Demands
A working mother gets more added to her plate without adequately offloading her other activities to make up for the increased demands. She seems to be in a constant juggling act, with the demands on her time, work and demands of home and family. If not managed, this leads to a lot of stress.

Many women start home businesses to have more flexibility and to tend to the needs of their families. However, if you are not managed carefully the mumpreneur, carries the same stereotypes to her own business as well. She feels the need to prove that she can do it all and this just adds to the stress and demands without the benefits of the flexibility she was seeking. The difference now is that she is working even harder, and not earning enough, so money becomes a new stress point!

Work-Life Balance for Better
Work-life balance and the search for it will always be a thing. As a child, I remember my mum telling me that her dad always advised her to either be a teacher or work in the Government so that she will have adequate time for her family. I was a 9 to 5-er turned entrepreneur. In my quest to get more done, I announced to my daughter that I could no longer pick her and her brother from school everyday, to which she said “sorry I thought you were your own boss and so your time is flexible?” Said with such clarity at 11 years old! What difference a generation can make.

To all the women out there who want to balance for better, remember that balance starts with you. It starts with being honest with yourself, knowing what you want, what you can truly achieve and accepting that life comes with sacrifices. While we are at it we need to raise boys and girls who understand the need for balance and equality.

Source: Guardian

 

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“I AM PROUD TO BE AN ADVOCATE AGAINST BODY-SHAMING – UCHENNA MOFUNANYA

A graduate of Chemistry Education from the University of Lagos, Uchenna Mofunanya is the founder and CEO of the internationally acclaimed ShapeUp with Mrs. Murphy, a Weight Management, Fitness and Lifestyle Consult. She is a UK certified Nutrition coach , Fitness, Diet planning  , and Weight Management coach. Uchenna also holds a diploma in Pharmacy from the University of Lagos.

A woman of diverse interests, Uchenna Mofunanya has also functioned as a model for various local and international brands. She was one of the finalists at the Silverbird organized Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria (MBGN) pageant, 2006.  The winner of multiple awards, her work as a lifestyle consultant is trailed with amazing body transformation testimonials that has helped restore confidence to a lot of women across the world

Born and raised in the Northern part of Nigeria, Uchenna Mofunanya has always been a sports and fitness enthusiast and has maintained a healthy outdoors life. She was the captain of both the female Basket Ball and Volley Ball teams of FGGC, Jos during her time. She has continued to excel in different leisure and competitive sporting and fitness engagements. She is the winner of the Maiden edition of Three Crowns Fitness Challenge, 2016. The mother of three continues to serve as a role model for women across the globe, and works as an advocate for body-shaming awareness, education, nutrition, physical activity and healthy eating. She shares her story in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I grew up as the last child of a family of four in a middle-class home. This position automatically made you everybody’s errand girl. I was always busy on my feet. Besides this, I was your “go-to” girl, the person everyone always brought their problems to, the one who always had a solution. I’d say that in a way these circumstances helped horn my knack for problem solving and helping people. On the fitness and nutrition aspect, my mum is a nurse and her love for healthy eating definitely rubbed off on us positively (even if we didn’t appreciate it then),  so I grew up knowing the basics of nutrition.

Growing up, I was one of the tallest girls in school and therefore could not really hide from participation in sports. I never really liked track events so I was pushed into basket ball, volley and football.  I performed brilliantly in these sports was made captain in each of them. And when you start winning laurels, it becomes more like an addiction for you. The need to maintain the winning streak made fitness a habit.  My childhood had its challenges, but I guess everything worked together for good.  Looking back now, I can say my childhood played a major role in my career today, I didn’t stumble on it,  I believe God prepared me from the start.

Inspiration behind Shapeup

Shapeup with Mrsmurphy was born out of a passion to help families become healthier and the need to raise a healthy and happier generation.   I feel the need to help women regain their body confidence especially after having babies. I have seen families break up and a lot of women lose their self esteem due to poor lifestyle choices. It all started as a hobby (passion) and then grew into a business. Over the years, I had helped a lot of friends, neighbors , strangers and colleagues achieve their body goals by eating healthy, drinking healthy and teaching them easy ways to stay fit. The results and testimonies from these encounters encouraged the international business consult that is Shape up with Mrs Murphy today. Entreprenural spirit, passion and the need to stand out has driven me to get further learning, courses and certifications on family health nutrition, weight- loss and fitness from local and international schools. The growth of Shape Up with Mrs Murphy is hinged on the bedrock of continuous learning. I invest a lot in the acquisition of new material and information to help my clients.

In a way,  the results I get from what I do has encouraged the need to do more and the growth of the company. I’m able to create  awareness for good nutrition as an important part of leading a healthy lifestyle, combined with physical activity to help people reach and maintain a healthy weight, reduce the risk of chronic diseases (like heart disease and cancer), and promote overall total health one individual at a time .

Being a coach, nutritionist, Mom, wife and managing it all

This hasn’t been easy but with some effort I’ve been able to find a near perfect balance between my family and my job. Being an online business, I must say it wasn’t easy at first because enquiries come from different people in different places with different time zones. But I had to set working hours for myself, even though it’s a bit of a struggle to adhere strictly to this,  it helps me to regulate. That way, when I have to work,  I work and when I shut down,  I spend time with the family. My husband’s job keeps him away for the greater part of the day,  so I work around the timelines.  I also took up the responsibility of driving my kids to and from school, that way I get to spend a lot of time with them.

Challenges

Some of my biggest challenges stems from the dept of mediocrity in the industry. When people try to compare me to this or that coach whose procedure did not work.  When I am put in this position where I have to validate myself or my work.  It’s more like paying for other people’s crimes.  But I’ve been able to deal with this, one client at a time. From one happy client to another, gradually the wheat is being separated from the chaff.

Other Projects & Activities

I’m actually working on a lot of projects at the moment.  I’m excited about them and still trying to find my feet. I’m still trying to keep it under wraps, but rest assured it’s going to involve a lot of outdoors and collaborations with a lot of local and international brands. But once I’m done, you’d be one of the first people I’d mention it to.

Reward

I could mention this award or that recognition but really my greatest reward professionally actually happens every day.  When I see the smile on my clients face and whenever they achieve their health and body goals, it’s a success for me.  This feeling for me is very fulfilling

Women and weightloss

I’d like them to become more health conscious, the moment they do,  they’d understand and appreciate the beauty of fitness and weight loss. So many people are overweight and very fit, some are underweight and not fit, many are also overweight or underweight and not healthy.  We have several body types, the ectomorphs, endomorphs and mesomorphs, so not everyone can be skinny, not everyone will be skinny,  but everyone no matter their size can decide to be healthy by making daily conscious efforts to stay fit,  eat and drink healthy. Obesity and lack of exercise are silent  killers. Take care of yourselves, the world still needs you because you’re here for a reason

Appreciation of women in the fitness sector

I believe we are in some ways, but maybe not as much as we should. Ours is a young and thriving industry. In the past decade a lot of achievements and milestones have been recorded. So slowly but surely the works of the genuine practitioners are being recognized. I emphasize the word ‘real’ because in our business just as in any other potential laden business, there are a lot of charlatans and imposters. And in some cases, this category are in the majority and have the potential of clouding the real successes of the real practitioners. You’d be amazed how many times I’ve had to battle fake practitioners stealing transformation pictures from my page. We do get accolades but it can only get better.

My Inspiration

When it comes to being fit and healthy, I am mostly inspired by the vision of who know I can become. The realization that I’m still work in progress. And of course the tiny everyday changes and improvements that go unnoticed by the average eye. I love competing with the woman I was yesterday.  My aim is to evolve into a better version of myself daily.

Being a Woman of Rubies

As a UK Certified life style consultant, i specialize in helping women achieve their body goals. I have helped restore many marriages, relationships and helped a lot of women restore or gain self worth, esteem and confidence. Based in Lagos Nigeria but with clients all over the world, I take it as my calling to help women be their best possible self. I support women empowerment programs all over the world especially in Nigeria and l have been recognized by diverse female groups for my service in the elevation of women

Advice to Women

I’d love  women to know they are beautiful irrespective of their height, weight, race, IQ and religion.  We all need to love ourselves more and not always seek validation from anyone,  we need to become more Health focused,  we need to become more prudent and wise,  we need to think of our daughters and sons before we act today, we need to start asking ourselves questions in the mirror “will my kids be proud of my behaviour”? We need to start genuinely supporting one another.

We need to love and respect each other, knowing that the beauty of a Garden is in the flowers blooming together.

Shapeup with Mrsmurphy is an online weight management consult.  

We help people lose weight and achieve their flat tummy goals in record time without drinking “slimming” teas, pills,  supplements, starvation or sleeping in the gym.

We offer various packages for weight-loss and the best part is you can be anywhere in the world .

We also help nursing moms get back their body in record time.

Our approach to weight-loss and flat tummy is using all classes of food or achieve our body goals.

We teach healthy eating, and healthy drinking as well as the need to be physically active.

We give healthy focused talks and create sensitization on the healthy lifestyle to platforms like schools,  offices and other events.

To contact us,  please Call or Whatsapp +2348022288925 , 08064601880 , +2348064601880 ,

Instagram ; @shapeupwith_mrsmurphy

Facebook : Shapeup with Mrsmurphy

Website: www.shapeupwithmrsmurphy.com

Twitter : @magic_mrsmurphy

 

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CHUKWUNETA OBY: TO THE MATURE SINGLE WOMAN…

I know it’s a natural tendency for the mature single woman to cling to any semblance of love that comes her way-once loneliness sets in.“No relationship” remains better than “anyhow relationship” in my books. I am compelled to discuss this issue due to the alarming rate at which a lot of “mature single ladies” leave their emotional wellbeing/destiny in the hands of men-that do not deserve them.

There are so many reasons why the “mature single woman” should be careful about where and from whom she seeks love. At certain age, it becomes safer to date someone you are introduced to (by loved ones) or someone you operate in the same social circle with and have mutual friends with also.

Young men of this age can smell “loneliness” from afar and are usually quick to move in for the kill. There is nothing wrong with meeting a man elsewhere (the social media, etc.) but I take such relationships serious only when it is taken beyond such platforms and until you get to know more (via carrying out your own findings) about a man, please still consider yourself super single and searching…and you will find. Just don’t be desperate -lest you fall into the hands of “anybody” with a third leg.

One thing you must understand about life is that love does not elude anybody. There is always a lover for somebody. It’s just that most of us look in the wrong places and desperately so. Another thing is the tendency to give in to despair-too fast. How much can anybody truly achieve in life with a mentality of ‘my own is finished’?

At certain age, I encourage every single lady to “play big”…join elite recreational outfits (learn golf, tennis etc.) or certain humanitarian societies, where you meet and make friends with people: of substance/with reputation to protect (you should know what I mean).Stop giving every man that flashes the ‘L’ word at you powers over your emotional wellbeing. Any worthwhile relationship should be aimed at mutual fondness and respect, not one in which one party feels he is doing the other a favour by being in the relationship.

The best way to beat loneliness is to keep busy, go back to school if you have to, continually seek to improve yourself intellectually. If you don’t travel –please start doing so. Don’t limit your chances…love can be found anywhere. And what better way to find your love, than in the course of bettering your lot? If you are busy “getting better” with yourself, you will not be keen to entertain desperate measures towards love.

Cultivate good exercise regimen to take better care of yourself. Overhaul lots of things in your life-including unhealthy diet and social circle. A woman that takes good care of herself does not lack admirers-at any age…quote me.

Finally, keep a positive mind-set…it is everything!Marriage doesn’t really solve anyone’s problems because it comes with its own challenges, like every other phase of life. If you don’t lead a fulfilled life as a single, you are not likely to do so as a married person. While single, spend a lot of your time improving yourself and having fun while at it.

I don’t encourage anybody to get saddled with someone they are not down with because of societal pressure. It takes very little for such unions to pack up and when it does, you will be back to square one…being single is much more tolerable than being in a bad marriage. Marriage does not define anybody, “who” you are defines you!

Source: Guardian

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AFRICAN WOMEN IN TECHNOLOGY CONFERENCE COMES TO LAGOS

The African Women in Technology (AWIT) Conference is making its debut in Nigeria this month.

The African Women in Technology (AWIT) is a network of African women who are creatively redefining the technology space in Africa and becoming key players and trendsetters in the World’s creative and innovative industries.

Founded by Anie Akpe, it has become a platform for technological advancement in Africa and beyond. The AWIT conference is scheduled to hold at Zone Tech Park in Lagos on March 29 and 30, 2019.

It is a yearly conference that brings together stakeholders and trendsetters in technological advancement around the world, with the spotlight on African women in technology both at home and in Diaspora.

The platform serves as a vehicle to push forward innovative ideas and encourage African women to step forward and get involved in the technological development of the continent, while providing support to propel their careers. It is a space to learn, unlearn and relearn relevant practices and acceptable business tools that will ensure success in their chosen professions.

Serving as a platform of inclusivity for all women in the African Technology Space, this two-day conference will provide an opportunity for extensive networking among women at diverse stages of their careers. Participants will learn, exchange ideas, interact with industry experts, and have the opportunity to speak with representatives of various tech companies, synergize, get insight on problems in African technology, and propose applicable solutions to these problems.

Heralding the launch of the third industrial revolution and the evolution of technology, digitisation has become a prominent part of our daily lives, thereby making technology indispensible. This conference will serve as a landmark event for recognising the available opportunities and mapping out strategies on how to grow as African women in technology.

Aptly themed: The Techazon Within You, the conference conveyers have expressed excitement about how much the AWIT network has positively impacted the lives of African women who are getting involved in the advancement of their technology sector and promoting growth in their communities, while advancing their career growth in the process.

This is why to further aid this developmental process, the conference boasts of insightful sessions like Tech Trends, Upgrade Your Skills, Cyber Security, Internet of Things, and other creative sessions that will serve to awaken the techazon within the participants and spur them unto greater professional breakthroughs.

As part of the networking session at the conference, participants will stand the chance to get group mentoring that will be sustained even after the conference, find internships and employment opportunities, meet people in their local communities who share the same interests and take advantage of the fast, affordable and reliable financing available at the conference.

Application to attend the conference is totally free of charge as all intending participants can now apply and reserve their seats by registering on the AWIT website.

Zone Tech Park is a Technology Park located in Gbagada Industrial Scheme, Lagos, which serves as a free co-working space for start-ups with an in-house engineering team of over 20 software developers and designers, legal, finance, marketing and fundraising teams. It was established by The Workforce Group, which is rated as Nigeria’s leading Human Resource Company, according to Business Insider Sub-Saharan Africa.

Since 2016, the African Women in Technology conference has held in Ghana, Kenya, Morocco, Mozambique and the United States, and has impacted the lives of over 1000 participating women. Since its inception, the conference has also received notable partnerships and sponsorship from Google, Flutterwave, Renmoney, Ibom LLC, Innov8tiv, ABAN Angels and other private bodies.

Source: Guardian

 

 

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