This week was the week proud new parents, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have presented their new-born son Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor to the world. Also the week BBC Radio host Danny Baker was fired Thursday after tweeting out a cartoon the day before representing the new royal baby as a chimpanzee in a suit, with the caption: “Royal baby leaves the hospital.”
Baker, an award-winning host as well as a comedy writer and journalist, initially deleted the tweet and apologized for its contents.
“Sorry my gag pic of the little fella in the posh outfit has whipped some up,” he tweeted first. “Never occurred to me because, well, mind not diseased. Soon as those good enough to point out it’s possible connotations got in touch, down it came. And that’s it.”
As the backlash kicked off on social media, in a desperate attempt to make amends, Baker tweeted,
“Once again. Sincere apologies for the stupid unthinking gag pic earlier. Was supposed to be joke about Royals vs circus animals in posh clothes but interpreted as about monkeys & race, so rightly deleted. Royal watching not my forte. Also, guessing it was my turn in the barrel.”
Then he tried yet again, relaying an exchange at his door with a Daily Mail reporter. Baker’s irritation was showing as the reporter allegedly asked him, “Do you think black people look like monkeys?”
“This was a serious error of judgment and goes against the values we as a station aim to embody,” the BBC said in a statement Thursday, as the broadcaster decided to let the presenter go. “Danny’s a brilliant broadcaster but will no longer be presenting a weekly show with us.”
Shortly after he had been fired, Baker turned on his former employer for making the decision to let him go.
“The call to fire me from @bbc5live was a masterclass of pompous faux-gravity,” he tweeted Thursday. “Took a tone that said I actually meant that ridiculous tweet and the BBC must uphold blah blah blah. Literally threw me under the bus. Could hear the suits knees knocking.”
In an LBC interview after he was fired, Baker told James O’Brien: “It was put up there as a joke about class. It was supposed to be preposterous about toffs leaving. The idea that there was any racial basis for it … it came out of my own ignorance.
“I curdled that I thought anyone could have thought that was the intent behind that photo.”
A whole 24 hours after the radio host shared the offensive post the backlash continued with many criticising Baker, including ITV News anchor Charlene White who said, “To claim ‘ignorance’, and give a half-hearted apology – again full of jokey ‘banter’ – despite people highlighting just how clearly offensive it is, is also unacceptable. That’s not the world we live in now. Those who live in privilege must be held to account” and writer and broadcaster Afua Hirsch who tweeted: “Not only does Danny Baker post an image comparing a baby w African heritage to an ape, but he has the audacity to say problem is that those of us who point out how racist it is have ‘diseased minds’.”
Hirsch’s comment right here sums it all up For those still wondering what the brouhaha is all about – and there are indeed many of them still pondering all over Twitter and Facebook. One such today came across Mr O’s rant on Facebook and ventured to comment, “Pretty sure he meant it as ‘the kid is gonna become another royal monkey being controlled and pranced around by higher ups without proper freedom’ rather than anything racial. Completely unfair to fire him based on his post. From the statement also he didn’t mean it as some people understood it.”
What is perhaps equally as troubling as, if not more so than, Baker’s original tweet is the defence he offers for his actions, which is echoed by those who see no wrongdoing in Baker’s behaviour. And it can be summed up in two words: white privilege.
No need pointing out Baker’s race and privilege. Needless to add, the aforementioned clueless commentator is another member of the white privilege club where the colour of one’s skin and the privileges that naturally come with it make one blind to connotations and in fact blatant codes of racism, such as depicting the biracial offspring of the Duke and Duchess as a chimp.
White privilege is also the same disease that caused similar blindness in 2018 when H&M outraged its black audience with their ill-advised ‘coolest monkey in the jungle’ hoody, incidentally worn by a black kid.
Also the same disease which made Heineken and its supporters equally deaf to the racial undertones of the tagline ‘sometimes lighter is better’ the brand used to market its light beer.
There are countless examples from the world of modern media and advertising to show just how rampant white privilege still is and how so many are blind and deaf to the connotations of certain imagery and words which struck a chord with a racially diverse audience. But to suffer from the white privilege disease and then accuse those offended of having ‘diseased minds’? So glad karma served up real fast in the case of Danny Baker.
Nkechi Idinmachi is the Creator and Marketing Communications Manager at Pages&Ink Limited, an organisation focused on working with SMEs to enable them leverage digital tools to grow their businesses online, attract their target customers while also delighting them into becoming happy promoters of their organisations’ products and services. Having overcome the obstacle of feeding her preemie baby with multiple food allergies, she’s showing other mums the way on her Instagram page @babychefng and through her upcoming Cookout, helping them take charge of their children’s nutrition with her numerous baby friendly, allergen free recipes made with Nigerian food ingredients. She is also the founder of Herlibrary for Learning and Empowerment Foundation, an NGO that builds libraries, provides books and learning resources for public schools in eastern Nigeria. They recently completed their pioneer Library project at Udo Primary School, Ogbunike, Anambra State. Idinmachi is a graduate of Obafemi Awolowo University with a degree in German Language, a certificate in Integrated Marketing Communications from IE Business School, Spain and a certificate in Child Nutrition and Cooking from Stanford School of Medicine. In this interview with IJEOMA THOMAS-ODIA she shares her passion for being an entrepreneur while combining with her duties as a mum.
How important is leveraging on digital tools to growing a business? The importance of digital tools in growing a business cannot be over-emphasised. It is the most affordable, convenient and effective way for any business to boost its visibility. I have seen first- hand how a business can go from local to international in a few short months by strategically leveraging digital tools. When I resumed at my previous place of employment, their only digital footprint was a redundant website. I created and infused fresh content, redesigned the website and began optimising it for search engines. Shortly afterwards, we began to receive calls from huge facilities management companies in the USA, South Africa and from other companies abroad who were bidding for FM contracts with multinationals and were in search of a partnership with a Nigerian FM company. This demonstrated to me the efficiency of digital tools in providing business owners the best chances for competition, survival and opportunities beyond their reach.
What led you to setting up Pages and Ink Limited? Shortly after getting married in 2016, it became clear that my husband and I both had crazy schedules which saw us leaving the house as early as 5:00am and not getting home till about 8:00p.m. I was frightened by the thought of bringing a child into that chaotic routine and so I decided that I would resign just before we were ready to start a family. My husband was reluctant initially, knowing how driven and ambitious I am. He didn’t want me feeling frustrated and unfulfilled as a stay-at-home mum, but I began planning an exit strategy, anyway.
At the time, my job role as a Marketing Communications executive for one of Lagos’ top facilities management companies gave me a lot of fulfillment, so I decided to develop my skill sets further in the field and took an online course in Integrated Marketing Communications, from IE Business School. After registering the business, Pages and Ink Limited, I spread word about it and landed my first clients. I would get home at 8:00pm and work till 2:00 am on my “side hustle” and then leave the house a few hours later to my full-time job. By September of 2016, I realised I had made over twice my salary from my “side hustle!” I think it was then that my husband believed that I was determined to make “working from home” work. Then the miracle happened. I informed my boss of my decision to resign and he asked me what my reasons were and I told him about my new company. He was happy and requested I consult for the company. I am very grateful to Mr. Wole Aderogba for the opportunity, which marked the official beginning of the journey.
Do you think businesses need online presence to thrive? According to a recent research, 45 per cent of global consumers say they shop for goods and services online. The trend has grown exponentially in Nigeria as more people now increasingly shop from their homes and offices. With the current trend, if you are a “brick and mortar” business without an online presence, it won’t be long before your competition that has gone “click to brick” takes over the market. Creating a comprehensive online presence is the key to building a thriving, sustainable business. However, it isn’t enough to just be present online, you must be active and leverage on digital tools – optimise your website for search engines, get social, create relevant and appealing content, engage your online community. Put out valuable information to establish your brand as an expert in your industry. You have to invest the necessary time if you want to be successful in building a formidable online presence.
As a ‘Mumpreneur’, how would you describe this concept? This means that I am a full-time entrepreneur and a full-time mum. It is my way of promoting self-employment and showing other qualified women who have left their professions to become full-time mothers that they don’t have to feel stuck. There is a way to juggle home and a professional career if one chooses to.
What was your drive as the founder of Herlibrary? I grew up in the village in Anambra State, South-Eastern Nigeria. Like most places in that region, there’s sadly not much going on in terms of development and empowerment of the girl child. The ultimate achievement expected by your parents and peers is (thankfully) a university education and a husband; better still, one from “the abroad”. Books saved me; they opened my eyes to opportunities beyond my background and enabled me to dream big.
With a decline in reading culture, what is the impact of your project with the NGO? I don’t quite agree that the reading culture in Nigeria is declining. With the growth of mobile users, I think it is growing instead as people are constantly on their phones reading. We read blogs, Instagram captions, twitter posts, e-books and other digital content because they are available. I strongly believe that if books are made available to young Nigerians, books that pique their interest, they will read. This is why my NGO, HerLibrary, is doing our best to provide books from a varied genre in the rural communities in eastern Nigeria, to expose them to a world beyond their background. We also run book clubs where they read mostly fictional books that teach kids about entrepreneurship.
As a marketing communications expert, what is your advice to business owners with dwindling sales and at the verge of packing up? Get digital, define your niche and target market, create terrific content that would be appealing to them, get social and engage. Learn the best practices and use them. Be consistent, it’s hard but totally worth it.
What is your advice to women on pursuing their dreams and managing the home-front? My advice is to just try; it is not enough to dream or wish. You have to do the work and put in the effort. Getting organised and scheduling activities and tasks in your home will give you the sanity and peace of mind to pursue your dreams. Stop undermining yourself. You can do it. Start small if you do not have the means to go all out. Do what you can, where you are, with what you have, without excuses. The best time to do it is NOW and yes under your present circumstances. If it gets overwhelming, step back a little bit and attack it again.
How do you unwind? NETFLIX. I enjoy watching reality shows, cooking shows. I love to read, too. I am currently reading Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it to every woman who wants to make an impact.
What is your philosophy of life? Everything I am, everything I have is from God and for him. It’s in him that I live and move and have my being. Without him, I am nothing.
Sleep training is basically a process of helping a baby learn to sleep well, teaching your child how to sleep independently without help like rocking, backing, nursing, carrying, etc., which usually adds to your stress as a parent.
While we all understand the importance of food to the body, we fail to realise that sleep is more important, and is an essential part of human development. In fact, it is possible to go days without food, but just try going three or four nights in a row without sleep and you just might start hallucinating. Yes! That’s how dangerous lack of sleep is.
Now, as a parent, when you’ve not had enough consolidated sleep, consecutively for say three days, how do you feel? Tired, cranky, exhausted, unproductive—the list is exhaustive. The same can be said for kids. Imagine what your children go through each day when they are not having enough sleep, especially four-month-olds and above.
Benefits of good consolidated sleep
They are more alert at school, and easily grasp and comprehend things. Yes, children tend to be forgetful because, of course, they are kids. But their attention span and comprehension is better when they have slept properly.
Increase in concentration level is also noticeably better.
They are physically and emotionally healthy, as the brain repairs and recovery takes place during consolidated sleep period.
The growth hormone in children is developed adequately during sleep.
Mummy time becomes possible. I mean, imagine putting your feet up after a long day, with a glass of wine while reading a book, watching your favourite TV show or catching up on BellaNaija. Of course, your child must be fast asleep for you to truly enjoy it.
Extra bonding time with your partner. Now, for me this is just the icing on the cake! Who doesn’t love bonding time with zero interruption from your little one.
Some of the things holding us back include:
Co-sleeping with your child While this may be seen as bonding in the beginning, it is a long term recipe for disaster, because you’ll never be able to get enough sleep.
Guilt as a working parent You know those times you tell yourself you’re just going to bond with your child, but really you’re just bonding with your phone after a long day.
Impatience Sometimes, we are just so impatient to put the child to sleep. You just don’t want to stop what you’re doing at the expense of your child’s health.
Easily give in to your child Your child wants to continue watching cartoons till 11 PM, and you agree so he/she doesn’t cry or disturb your peace. This is wrong whichever way you look at it. Who is the parent, who is the child?
5 signs to know your child’s sleep pattern needs to be improved:
Your child throws too many unnecessary tantrums. We sometimes wrongfully assume that it is “normal” for kids to throw tantrums, but it really isn’t.
Your child cries too much, especially in the mornings.
If you have to wake the child up in the mornings, and the child is refusing to wake up or sleepy till he or she is ready for school.
You are in and out of hospital many days, except your child has a form of health challenge.
You aren’t as productive as you should be as a mum.
Creating a sleep pattern for your child needs consistency and a realistic sleep routine. When you are having a bit of challenge creating a consolidated sleep pattern for your child, as a child psychologist who is also a sleep consultant, I just advise parents to sleep train the child.
Sleep training is basically a process of helping a baby learn to sleep well, teaching your child how to sleep independently without help like rocking, backing, nursing, carrying, etc., which usually adds to your stress as a parent.
Children need, depending on their ages, an average of about ten to fourteen hours of consolidated (uninterrupted) sleep every day, while newborns need about fourteen to sixteen hours. I hear some mums say, I wasn’t sleep trained or taught to sleep and I grew up great, why should I teach my child to sleep? But what we forget as parents is that life sleep trained us.
Remember in those days there were no gadgets, DSTV, YouTube, unlimited access to internet. Children’s TV stations closed 7 PM. Your parents went to bed after the 10 PM news. There was no generator and when power went off, everyone retired to bed. So we were sleeping well and having uninterrupted sleep.
Fast forward to this digital age with everything 24 hours. 24 hours access to the internet, generator, TV, phones, etc. This lifestyle is greatly affecting our sleep pattern, thus affecting the quality of our sleep and health.
That is why it’s necessary to help your child develop a great sleep pattern now. Imagine their lives ten years down the line if nothing is done now in this digital age.
If your child isn’t having enough sleep, or you as a mum aren’t, you’re harming both of you. Is this what you really want? Or would you like to do something about it today? Think about it.
Amazon announced on Monday, its plan to deliver packages faster for its customers.
The company made an offer to its employees, telling them to quit their jobs and it’ll help them start a business delivering Amazon packages.
Amazon says it’ll cover up to $10,000 in startup costs for interested employees, adding that it will also pay them three months’ worth of their salary.
TIME reports that the program started last year and it’s part of the company’s plan to launch an independent Amazon delivery business.
More than 200 Amazon delivery businesses have been created since the program was launched, according to Amazon’s vice president of global delivery services, John Felton.
Photo Credit: Ali Balikci/Anadolu Agency/Getty Images
A lot of girls are growing up accepting the
fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling
for just that.
I am sure we all saw the disturbing videos, read the stories of the women who were arrested and assaulted for going to night clubs. These women were arrested, and then harassed both physically and sexually, and guess what? There were people who found a way to justify these hideous acts.
Some people said, “Well, thank God they were sex workers and not normal women.” Others said, “As a woman, why are you out of your house by this time?” I saw a comment that struck me, and it came from a fellow woman; she said, “I wish they had done this earlier, and I hope they continue.” To the people, especially women, who left these heartless comments, let me break it down for you. I hope, for all our sakes, you really learn something.
First of all, these women were not arrested for being sex workers; they were arrested for being women who were out at night, and God forbid this ever befalls you or any woman you know.
Another thing: they are not ‘just sex workers,’ they are human. They are women before any other thing, and I hope everyone remembers this.
Women were raped and abused, and the first thing that comes to your mind is “What was she wearing?” “Why was she out by that time of the night?” “As a woman she should not be in the club at night.” I hope you learn that no Nigerian woman is safe, and I hope one day you join to make a positive change.
There were protests on May 4, 2019, and to those who went out to voice their pains, anger and support for a better society, we say thank you. We will keep pushing in our own little ways to achieve positive change.
Now, some people might think the police raid wasn’t close to them, so they weren’t bothered. Well, let me bring it home. A few days ago, a friend asked our group chat if it was okay for a woman to downplay her success because of a man. This was apparently because successful women scare suitors away, and I was glad when everyone said it was not okay to lower your standards for anyone. Why should a woman’s success be downplayed to fuel a man’s ego? You are a woman, and you deserve the same level of success and the right to celebrate your success, just as much as any man.
I can’t speak for other societies, but I can definitely speak for the Nigerian society when I say a lot of people (both genders) see women as lesser humans to their male counterparts. When men voice their displeasure, we often tag them heartbroken and hurt, but when a woman does the same she is seen as bitter and ungrateful. Many people say things like “no man will marry her,” “she is disgracing her family/children,” “she is just bitter, she should move on.” When a man does the same exact thing guess what people say. “Wow, thank God he dodged a bullet,” “I hope time heals his heart,” “I hope he finds someone better.” We have taught females, consciously and unconsciously, that silence is the way for them to be accepted.
The last time, I spoke about speaking up and not suppressing your emotions, and I am here to echo it once again: if you are woman hurt and emotional, speak your truth. Do not let the society make you suppress your feelings. You deserve to express your hurt and heartbreak the way you wish. Sadly, a lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.
I hope the younger generation works hard toward ensuring that gender inequality becomes history, and females in the future don’t have to downplay their success and emotions in order to be accepted. From so called moral standards, to success and achievements, up to self-esteem, women are constantly given the shorter end of the stick, and I hope this changes during our time.
Sometimes in life, you don’t see anything
good about yourself until someone calls your attention to it. And even when
they do, you tend not to believe it because of the deep negative thought you
have of you.
Sola Allyson has once felt this way and she
has a story to tell about it. However, she wants you to know that you are all
things beautiful.
Read her note here
You are beautiful!
Yes. You. As in iwo gangan! Ha, you
donbilivit??? I am serious o, I mean it, you are beautiful! You don’t realise
it because of those words you heard while growing up, because you heard more
negative things said about you. You were not validated. Instead you heard words
that made you feel ugly and “just there”.
I remember sometime in 1997/98, I was
working as a Secretary at Electrowave Limited, Berkley street, off Moloney,
Obalende Lagos. My good and fatherly Boss then, Mr. Eka told me to smile more
because the few times I did, my smile “could light up the whole world.” That
was the first time someone would compliment anything about how I looked!
I was wondering, “me? Which smile? So it
means I’m fine? Hen en? My smile? Light up anywhere?” It took me some time to
sink it in that something was beautiful about me. Then there was Mr. Okey Uba’s
relative that was always calling from “the abroad” to leave a message for his
brother, who told me I sounded so nice on phone…
Then I met Baba Dr. Wole Adetiran who, on
hearing me sing for the first time, said “striker l’omo yen!”, likening my
voice to the position of a Ronaldo in football… I was in my 20s before I
believed I was anything good and beautiful.
It had always been there. But being on
life’s bad side was presenting me a lie that nothing good or nothing much could
come out of me… It still took a while, years after then for me to completely
and irrevocably believe that I am beautiful, full of substance, in all. Oh,
now, I KNOW! I am beautiful, not just outside but my inside is filled with
treasures inestimable!
You are beautiful. Guy, Girl, you are! It
is only what you see now that’s making you not see it well. You are! These happenings now are only sharply cutting
you into shape. It’s painful, I know. I identify. I have my own scars too. It’s
like you’re being chiseled into the proper image for fulfilling your purpose.
When the shaping is done, the beauty would be clear for you and all to see! The
substance! Keep working. Keep walking. Pay attention to The Spirit’s guiding…
#Yóòdáa!
Favour Osiri Wisdom is an encourager,
a certified marriage and relationship mentor with The Institute of Marriage and
Family Affairs USA. A certified negotiation and conflict analysis expert with
(USIP). United States Institute for Peace. She is the coordinator of the
foremost marriage academy in the south south region of Nigeria;The Wisdom
Driven Marriage Academy in the city of Port Harcourt which equips both married
and intending marriage couples to acquire skills to build the marriage of their
dreams.
Favour is passionate about women
and girls. Having suffered so much under intense poverty growing up as the
first child amongst seven children. She founded the Model Woman Foundation in
2016 where she mentors weekly organizing online seminars. She and her Pastor husband
are presenters of a weekly relationship show called “For better for
us” on Facebook . She recently authored two books tilted How Not to Marry
an I.D.I.O.T and Before You Marry.
Favour believes her background cannot keep her back on the ground and she is determined to help restore more homes. She shares her story in this inspiring and educative interview.
Childhood
My childhood is full of
interesting events that have shaped me into the woman I am today. I didn’t have
luxury growing up so being the first child amongst 7 children; my mind was
constantly processing on what next to do to make money. I learnt how to braid hair at age 10 and
every Christmas season I made money from braiding hair I wanted to go to school at all cost because
at that time I was going to be the first graduate in my compound ( both in my
maternal and paternal home) .The poverty around me was just too much, I sold
oranges during its season, I was involved in the “bole” business (roasted fish
and plantain) which I inherited from my mother. I ran a bukka joint in a
mechanic garage at age 19. In 1998 I went to NYSC orientation camp in the city
where I lived at that time to do food business. When I saw the corp members
come to buy food from my stand, I remember weeping one day because I wanted to
be like them. I thank God I later saved up money from my mechanic garage food
business to buy forms into the Polytechnic and went on to become the first
graduate in my family (maternal and paternal) with many other degrees. All of these experiences are instrumental to
what I do now which is to encourage and stir women around me to rise up
Inspiration behind The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy and The Model woman foundation
We relocated to Portharcourt in
2013 to start a church ministry and much later started a weekly show on radio
called “Family Matters” Nigeria Info PH 92.3 every Monday 2pm to 3pm
The vision for the radio show was
to help marriages and those intending to marry with the wisdom that has helped
us because at a point in our marriage, we went through turbulent times. We
thought the devil had relocated to our home but as we researched more we found
out it wasn’t the devil; it was deep ignorance of the skills to do marriage
that we lacked. So as we shared these tips on radio, the counseling issues in
our office weekly increased. We went into more research, got professional
training then we decided to set up the marriage academy to proactively address
marital issues. This is because there are issues that 30 mins counseling cannot
handle, it will require an entire program to unlearn, learn, re-learn. The
wisdom driven marriage academy kicked off in 2016 and has brought illumination
to a lot of singles and married couples. The testimonies are amazing.
The Modelwoman foundation is my
gift to womanhood. It was founded in 2016. I am an encourager so I never fail
to shamelessly use myself as an example of a woman who dare to excel against
all odds I could speak to someone for hours with the intent to make sure they
move to another level. I was doing this with women around me and I saw them
began to soar and felt I could reach more women globally using technology so in
2016, we started on whatsapp with few women and today we are grateful. We now
hold an online conference tagged “The Complete woman Conference and a live
conference tagged “Ignite”
My
books;how
Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T & Before You Marry
How not to marry an I.D.I.O.T
came as a result of my personal experience of manifesting these traits in the
past and my interaction with intending couples and married couples alike. I
have seen people marry with all the red flags telling them not to and the
marriage breaks after few months. Some people also think marriage does not
require skills but it does seriously. In fact it is the most skilled intensive
venture I know because you are dealing with the emotions and destiny of people.
I.D.I.O.T is an acronym for traits which are red flags telling you not to
continue with the relationship. People with Idiotic attitude are not ready to
learn, they want to do marriage the way they like. A lot of marriages are going
through pain because of these Idiotic attitudes. The beautiful thing about the
book is that it proffers solution on how to overcome these traits as a single
or married person and gives you a step by step approach to end a forever
idiotic relationship.
Before You Marry is a compilation
of 50 things (There might be more) to consider before you marry. The book is to
help intending couples with some of the relevant questions and discussions they
need to have before they walk the aisle we live in the age where people see
marriage as the next thing to check on their list without asking relevant
questions. Questions reveal a lot of things. An example is having a discussion
on the possibility of adoption where there is delay in child bearing. These
questions and discussions brings clarity in the marriage.
Impact
of Model Woman
The modelwoman foundation has been a blessing
to a lot of women. Most of these women I have never met because 90% of our
engagement is online. The vision of the foundation is to build excellent legacies
so we deployed the strategy of pray and learn. Weekly we pray and organize
seminar sessions addressing different issues. We have testimonies of over 60
women who have started new businesses in the group, women who had no idea on
what business to start when they joined us, we have marriages restored through
the seminars in the group, we have women discovering their purpose and pursuing
them. We have women who have been spiritually revived, the sessions on
parenting was life transforming for the women. we have single mums, divorcees
in our midst whose self esteem has been restored and are doing so well. We have
ladies who were so deep into being side chic to married men end the
relationships and turned a new leaf, we have married women involved in illicit
relationships end the relationships and became purpose driven. We also have
weekly diverse testimonies of changed lives in the the foundation. We have a
project called ‘Value driven Life Project for secondary schools. The project is
to impact the students with soft skills to make informed decisions about their
lives and to make them aware they are valuable.
Recently we had an amazing outing on Valentine’s Day titled SEX IS NOT
LOVE. We had students who planned to break their virginity as a mark of love come
to us willingly seeking for help which we have followed up..
The wsidom driven marriage has
impacted a lot of singles and married couples. The “Save Your marriage program”
which is an intensive 8weeks program for deeply troubled marriages have revived
and saved marriages on the verge of divorce.
We have seen singles quit relationships because they suddenlyfound out
that even though the relationship looks good to them, it may not be good to
them.
Challenges
I work with women mostly, the challenge has been the limiting mindset where some of them believe they cant get to certain heights because of their gender. Another challenge is some people think getting married is the next thing to be checked on their list without adequately preparing for marriage. They prepare for wedding and not marriage. Just like flying a plaane requires skills, marriage, even relationship in the work place requires skills else the marriaage will crash like a plane manned by an ignorant person. Some couples are excited and working hard ontheir marriage, it is not that they have not had issues, they were only equipped with tools to handle even challenging seasons in their marriage.
Other project and activities
Because I have a passion for women, I also want them to pass the same passion to their daughters so we have the Mum and Daughter Ball (MDB) which is aimed at creating that intentional bonding relationship. The maiden edition will hold this year. I also have a project for single mums and single dads which will come up before the end of this year. The big one is the Wisdom driven marriage retreat and resorts. A place for couples to unwind and bond.
Reward
The testimonies of changed lives. One incident is a single lady who has been in a relationship with a married man for many years and depended on him for financial assistance. She told me she had always wanted to end the relationship but couldn’t because of the financial assistance she was getting. Through the sessions on the modelwoman platform, she was able to break free and has an amazing life today working and making a living. So my greatest rewards are women who have found themselves and are unapologetically living their best lives.
On
the cause of broken marriages lately
Ignorance is a big issue. I am a firm believer that whatever you are not skilled in, you will kill and if you keep doing it for a long time, it can kill you.. People go to different schools to acquire knowledge in different fields and that’s why they do well. Some even specialize. For example I cannot fly a plane no matter how passionate I am because I do not have the skills. Also marriage requires skills. Communication skills, negotiations skills, parenting skills, financial skills and many other skills to build a solid marriage.. These skills are supposed to be acquired pre and post wedding. Most pre-marital counseling curriculum are not updated to even handle today’s peculiar challenges. When these skills are lacking, marital frustrations begins to set it. Another reason for broken marriages is that the impatience level today is very short especially with technology where everything is fast. Many people want it fast and are not ready to be patient.. Another example is when you do not recognize that the spouse you married 20 years ago has changed and you also need to change.( change here means growth)
To
women who are about to get married
Ans: Discover yourself before you
say yes to a marriage proposal. Your purpose in life will guide your choice. Be
economically empowered. Go into marriage
as an asset not a liability. Be equipped with the skills and ensure your would
be husband does same. Do not give in to pressure to marry anyone just because
everyone around you is getting married. You will stand alone when the heat
comes as those who pressured you will be no where to be found. Give the relationship time. Ask questions.
Because I am a Christian and believe that God ordained marriage, I will
encourage that women talk to God about their proposed spouse or marriage. Also
don’t be carried away by emotions, ensure both of you are agreeable.
My Inspiration
My husband is my number one inspiration and cheer leader. The way he handles pressures and responds when there is a challenge is inspiring. My 3 wise children constantly push me to study because of the enormous potential they carry. Every day I want to become a better parent who will continually unleash their potential for them to impact their world.
Being a woman of Rubies
Wow! I decided long ago I was going to make a positive mark on every woman I meet. So intentionally mentoring them and ensuring they follow the process to make progress is what I think makes me a woman of rubies. When we as women collaborate and not compete we will achieve so much because value is in people not places. God has trapped what we need in relationships. Having the skills to find and nurture these relationships as women will make life so easy. So I must commend Women of Rubies for what they are doing by celebrating women. That’s the spirit!
Final
words of advice for women all over the world
Lookout for other women in your community, office, neighborhood. Collaborate, don’t compete. Aspire to the highest level God has designed for you. Don’t think because you are a woman you are inferior; you are the express image of God. Learn from other women. Celebrate a sister whose time of shinning has come and you will attract same
Here is a story of Tayo, a story lots of jobseekers will be
able to relate with:
Tayo sees a wonderful job advert with an impressive job
description. Immediately she sees it, she’s super excited, because it screams,
This is my kind of job. Excited, she cleans up her CV and puts so much effort
into a cover letter. She gets the interview invite she was expecting, jumps on
her feet already thanking God for the employment letter. Tayo begins to imagine
herself on the job, begins planning her route to work, etc.
Fast-forward to the interview and she answers all the
questions to the best of her ability. She speaks confidently and the panel
looks impressed with her experience, achievements, etc. It all looks positive.
A few days later, she gets an email from the company. Excited, she opens it and
sees the “regret” right in the first paragraph as usual. Wow!
Tayo is shattered. Various emotions run through her mind.
She had believed it was a done deal, and her family members were excited on her
behalf. Now they are asking for feedback. Tayo is left wondering for days: What
could have gone wrong? Am I not good enough? What if no company wants to hire
me? What if I remain jobless for years?
For a lot of people who have been in Tayo’s shoes, this
article is for you. There is an ancient quote by Epictetus: “It’s not what
happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Here are some ways to handle a rejection email:
Do a honest self-appraisal
The reason I added honest is that since the excitement has
dissipated, that should allow for some critical self-evaluation. The aim is for
personal development and growth. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. If you don’t
identify areas in need of improvement, you may never learn how to be better in
the coming interviews.
Reach out to the interviewer for feedback (if possible)
This may be very difficult, because you may not have the
recruiter’s contact, or they may not be willing to be honest with you. As a
recruiter, I don’t blame them, because so many candidates don’t take feedback
well, and it becomes a back and forth issue. However, few may be willing to be
honest with you, depending on your approach.
Take your mind off it and move on to the next one
Whether you like it or not, better opportunities will come.
So you have to be hopeful. Don’t let this one define you or your abilities.
Just because you were not suitable for this company doesn’t mean you won’t be a
perfect fit for another. People’s opinion of you should not determine your
worth or value.
Personally, hope is what keeps me going after a rejection. I
usually tell myself that if this one didn’t work out, then God obviously has
something better, and what may have looked really big will be something I will
look back on in the future and be grateful to God for the experience.
I sincerely wish you the best in your career. Join my
monthly Twitter Mentoring Session for young professionals by following
@careerlifeng on Twitter
About Yewande
Yewande Jinadu is the founder of CareerLife Nigeria, a certified HR Professional and an employability coach. She has a passion for helping Millennials grow their careers. Her vision for CareerLife Nigeria is to help reduce unemployment by providing people with the right career related information. She enjoys reading and speaking with young people.You can check out her blog: www.careerlife.com.ngShe facilitates a monthly career related Twitter discussion: @careerlifengSend her a feedback by sending a mail to: info@careerlife.com.ngJoin her network on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yewande-jinadu/
A couple of days ago, Nollywood actress Ireti Doyle
celebrated her birthday.
Her husband and actor Patrick Doyle shared a long and important message for Ireti which he titled “An Ode to a Great Lady“.
In the message, he comes close to confirming rumors of a
dispute between the two of them. He admits that he has been in the “dog house”
and was recently released.
Patrick Doyle thanks Ireti for her compassion and he pledges
that there shall never be another “cock up”.
Read the full message below.
AN ODE TO A GREAT LADY
This is my tribute to a great Lady, my life has almost always revolved around strong women. The first strong woman in my life was the enigmatic Angela Bassey Doyle, who while still grieving as a young widow gave birth to me and stayed unmarried to nurture me. She stayed around as a strong pillar in my life till I was well in my 40’s before she passed away. Next was my aristocratic sister Ayodeji Omobolanle Alakija, the 2nd of two daughters of my great mother. She unfortunately passed on in her 40’s but in her life time was the very epitome of grace, and courage. She was not ” lucky in the love department ” as she was the victim of a loveless and fraudulent marriage, yet she carried on with the panache that only an Alakija is able to. My life would me incomplete without mentioning the mother of 3 of my sons, the very forthright Rosamond Emechete.
Who in spite of her fragile health gave me 3 very handsome sons and sadly passed on 7 months after the birth of our last son, Eyitemi. Shortly after the passing of Rosamond, God sent me an angel. Not only did this angel dry my tears, comfort my soul and lift my spirit at the lowest point in my life, but she showered my boys with the highest quality of care that I have ever seen a mother give her children. I have been young and now I am older, and I have never seen a woman more loving , caring and devoted than this lady. She not only ignored the taunting of “true friends ” who queried what she was doing with a “broke ass” like me. Frankly, if she was my sister , I would have asked her the same question.
Have I always justified or honored her courageous decision to stick with me through thick and thin? The answer is a big resounding NO. If any thing I have been most undeserving of the affection of this most uncommon woman. Have I taken her Love for granted? You bet I have, why? because like most men , I am prone to being a jerk. I can not count how many times she has had to pick up the slack when I have failed in my duties as a husband and father. She has with the greatest sense of responsibility been the rock of our family. Without a doubt she is the most generous woman I know, a dependable friend, a loyal ally and the most loving and sensual woman ever. Lately I had been less than worthy of her affection and was deservedly put in the proverbial “dog house”. As usual , she has with compassion taken me out of the “dog house” and reinstated all my rights and privileges as the Lord and Master of the home. I know that at the back of her mind , she’s mentally preparing for my next “cock up”. I hereby pledge that there shall never be another “cock up”. Her days of an undeserving and under performing partner are over. Her love and devotion over the years will never go unrewarded . My Angel has proven that a good woman can by her conduct ” convert an unbelieving husband”, that is not to say I am an unbelieving husband, maybe recalcitrant would better describe what I was. I am now a truly ” born again” husband. I now publicly proclaim that I am married to The Best Woman Alive. Now, I know that God truly loves me for sending me the ” Angel Of My Life” (apologies to Paul Play).
Monday the 21st of December will make it 15 years since this most classy lady uttered the words ” I DO” to me in the presence of God and Man. The last 15 years have been any thing but smooth, true the ride has been bumpy with My Angel bearing the brunt of the rough times, but by the Grace of God those days are over In Jesus Name. Isaiah 42 verse 9 says ” Behold the former things are come to pass, and new things do I declare: before they spring forth I tell you of them”. Heaven has spoken and so shall it be.
On behalf of my sons, my 2 beautiful daughters that My Angel gave me and indeed the entire Doyle, and Henshaw clan of County Wexford, Ireland and Liverpool, UK, as well as Warri and Calabar, Nigeria , we salute and honor this most illustrious daughter of Akure Land, this Moremi of our time, the one and only Anike Ade Oluwaninsola Iretiola Doyle on the occasion of her 15th wedding anniversary. Your Divine Labour Of Love Will Be Rewarded, Good Measure, Pressed Down and Running Over, In Jesus Name.
