Women of Rubies

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Esther Ijewere

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Sadness is a base line feeling that feeds into all of our other feelings such as anger, frustration and fear. The deeper we bury the feeling of sadness the harder it is to feel happy.

Sadly, We live in a society where it is important to fit in . Leading a positive and happy life is highly valued and feeling sad or “blue” about life is not so valued. As a result, we are constantly trying to always be positive and happy. In our minds there is no room for sadness.

This is not a realistic way to live life, forcing happiness just to fit in is as good as eating a food that taste bad just to make the cook feel good.

Keeping up an impression of positivity and happiness when you are feeling sad is draining and hard work. If anything this charade will intensify your feelings of sadness, and you will struggle to find the pathway that will lead you to living a happy, resilient life.

The 5 key strategies below have helped me and they are practical ways for you to successfully manage sadness in your life so you that can have a life that flows with happiness.

1. Recognize Your Type of Sadness

There are 3 types of sadness that most of us fall into:

Short-Term Sadness

This is a passing mood that may last anything from a day to a week. Sometimes there is a reason for this feeling but sometimes there is not.

Generally lack of sleep, no physical activity and excess stress are associated with this sadness.

The best approach to dealing with this sadness is to lower your stress level by having a few nights of great sleep, getting active by doing some exercise and looking at ways to break up your routine.

Pampering your self, going for a massage, reducing alcohol intake and eating healthy food are effective ways to manage short-term sadness.

Trigger Sadness

This feeling of sadness has been activated as a result of a traumatic event that has happened to you, such as the death of someone close to you, losing your job, divorce or financial challenges. I can relate to this one totally because I experienced it for a longtime after my marriage broke.

This feeling of sadness can make you feel helpless and vulnerable and it does not go away overnight. The key to managing trigger sadness is looking for ways to support you to process these feelings and not bury them.

One way for you to manage these deep feelings of sadness is to talk about and share your feelings with someone who can console you, support you and counsel you. Having a supportive network of family and friends is key to you managing your feelings of sadness.

It is also wise to get professional support such as therapist to guide you through practical steps to processing your feelings of sadness.

Depression

If you feel sad, hopeless, helpless, unable to eat or sleep and have no energy for a period of time of more than one month or two, then you are likely to feeling depressed.

Depression is usually set off as a result of event that usually you would cope with. However, for some reason, your coping mechanism has broken down.

Depression is complicated and it can vary from person to person. If you have these feelings, then it is wise that you seek the advice of a doctor.

The strategies presented in the rest of this article can along with specialist support enable you to live a happy fulfilled life.

2. Identify What Happiness Means To You

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” — Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey

Happiness is the only cure for sadness. There is no other cure that works better. It sounds so easy to say however it is not so easy to achieve.

At its most basic level, happiness is a feeling that comes about as a result of us doing things in our lives that we love to do.

So if we are feeling sad, then we should take action and activities that brings a joy such as catching up with a friend, going for a walk, getting a massage, going out to dinner, going to the movies, or hiding away to read a good book. The list of activities that we can do that make us feel happy is extensive.

When we feel sad, we are more likely to want to withdraw and not do anything. We tend to disengage from everything that is going on around us.

The only way we can start to feel happy is to take action and start doing things.

We can never avoid the feelings of sadness, hurt or disappointment. However, we can deal with them in constructive ways that will help avoid excessive suffering.

It is so important to know what happiness means to you because when you know this, you will have meaning and purpose in your life. This is what brings to your life the feeling of happiness and the experiences of joy.

3. Commit To Practising These 3 Actions of Happiness Daily

When you are feeling sad, you are more likely to want to avoid people.

These 3 actions of happiness are very practical ways in which you take action to move away from feeling sad to feeling more joyous. All it takes is for you make a choice, take action and commit to consistently doing these actions of happiness.

 

Gratitude

Expressing gratitude on a daily basis and actively appreciating those people in your life who are important to you are very simple yet, powerful actions that will take you from a place of sadness to a more joyful place.

Acceptance

Accepting the things that you cannot change and acting on the things that you can change are key to you finding joy and peace in your life. Once you acknowledge the reality of your situation, you can then plan to take effective action that will enable you to move forward to a better place in your life.

Acts of Kindness

When you are feeling sad, your focus is very inward at self. Helping others is a great way to feel better about you. It is often the spontaneous acts of kindness that give us the most joy. Trust me this is a tested and trusted approach for me.

The more we help others and the more we interact and engage with people the less we tend to withdraw and focus inwardly on our feelings of sadness.

Happiness and joy are external feelings that need to be shared with others and an act of kindness is an effective way for us to share and feel joy with others.

 

4. Eliminate destination Happinness

Sudden happiness does not exist and the phrase “I will be happy when…” indicates that happiness comes when you get what it is you believe will make you happy.

Many people think that if they win the Lottery, then they will be happy – this is not true.

Be careful that you don’t equate happiness with momentary pleasure because if you do, you will eventually feel conflicted and discontent. It is these feelings will take you to a place of sadness.

Final Thoughts

Focus on looking for ways where you create a life where happiness is a feeling that you have total responsibility for – no one else, just you.

When you have created a life where you have attained this, then the phrase “I will be happy when…” is eliminated from your vocabulary.

How sad we feel and the reasons why we feel sad is different for everyone. The one thing we all have in common however, is that it is impossible for us to go from feeling sad to feeling happy instantly.

The above four strategies are practical ways that support you to manage your feelings of sadness where you are in control and empowered to choose to how you want to feel and how you want to live your life. Let’s hope you choose – happiness.

“If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.” — Lao Tzu

– Esther Ijewere™©

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“Have you ever been exploited or used by someone close to you”?

“Has someone ever exploited you with the guise of love”?

“Do you feel a person is trying to take advantage of you but still act nice “?

“Has someone ever gone into an agreement with you, then become very sneaky and try to cheat you”?

If your answer is yes, then this article is for you trust me.

Read on…

Exploitation doesn’t just happen in professional sectors. Exploiting behaviors can happen in your own platonic, romantic, and familial relationships, too. Anyone can try to take advantage of or manipulate you, and that can make building relationships scary.

Exploitation can be very sneaky and covert. But if you’re able to recognize the signs, you’ll be able to nip it in the bud before it grows out of control and takes over your life.

Here are 8 signs someone is exploiting you;

1.   THEY SEEM ONLY TO BE INTERESTED IN SPECIFIC THINGS

The easiest way to determine that someone is exploiting you is what they seem to be most interested in from you. Yes, some relationships are mutually beneficial due to certain aspects, but your entire bond shouldn’t hinge on something you can give them.

Someone who is taking advantage of you will likely be spending time with you for selfish reasons, to get something out of you. These things may include:

Intimacy

Money

Food

Status

Transportation

A membership to a franchise, store, gym, or another similar establishment

Assistance

Emotional labor

If someone is only showing interest in being around you when one of these things is involved, they may be exploiting you. Sit them down and talk about your concerns, or establish a clear boundary on what you suspect they may be using you for, or stop offering that object at all. Their true colors will reveal themselves in time.

2.   YOU FEEL GUILTY ALL THE TIME

An exploiter often uses feelings like guilt and shame against you to coax you into giving them what they want. If you find yourself constantly feeling guilty to the point that it is affecting the decisions you make involving this person, they may have manipulated you to take advantage of you. It may feel like:

You are never giving or doing enough for them

They have been doing too much for you, and now you owe them

You are always making mistakes that you need to atone for

They are always suffering in some way or other, making you a bad person for saying “no” to them

Your actions, needs, or requests inconvenience them

It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t feel guilty for something forever. If you’ve atoned for a mistake, you needn’t make up for it for the rest of your life. One single action does not lead to a permanent need to atone. If a mistake you’ve made has ruined your entire relationship with someone to the point where it needs to be continuously made up for, it’s best to part ways.

3.   THEY ARE CONTROLLING

Someone who is exploiting you will also often try to control you. They need you in their grasp to keep you compliant, after all, and it’s challenging to take advantage of someone who you can’t control to some degree. Someone who is controlling you may attempt to:

Prevent you from doing certain things

Push you to participate in specific actions

Stop you from spending time with other people

Influence your decisions

The tricky part about this is that an exploiter may not be transparent about their control. They may use reverse psychology, mind games, and emotional manipulation to convince you to do what they want you to do, so you have to be extra cautious to detect this behavior.

If someone is actively controlling you in a clear and direct manner by blackmailing you, using fear, or threatening violence, seek help immediately from the relevant authorities.

4.   THEY PUNISH YOU INDIRECTLY

Indirect punishment is often not easily picked up on, as it doesn’t involve any obvious actions like hitting, shouting, or the declaration of a punishment. Instead, it involves a lot of passive aggression.

But even when passive punishment is not immediately apparent, you will likely notice it somehow. The negativity will cut through your positive thinking. It is through this method that an exploiter can punish you while maintaining an innocent and understanding facade.

Examples of indirect punishments are:

The silent treatment

Making things more difficult for you

Withdrawing already-promised assistance

Backhanded compliments

Saying things that can hurt you

5.   THEY ARE DISHONEST

There is no reason for an exploiter to be honest. If they were honest, they would tell you what their intentions are right off the bat, but that’s not what these manipulators do. They intentionally deceive you into achieving the results that they want. There’s no limit to what an exploiter may lie about. Some examples include:

Their life

Past or background

Personal values or opinions

Motivations

Emotions or feelings

If you have reason to believe someone is exploiting you, you should take everything they say with a pinch of salt. Don’t expect them to be honest with you. However, you can call them out on their behavior and specifically request honesty from them and see if they change their tune. Still, someone so deceptive will need to regain your trust through positive actions, and you do not have to give it to them freely.

6.   THEY PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR WEAKNESSES

An exploiter can’t exploit you if they can’t find anything to use. As such, they may pay extra attention to your weaknesses. They may try to learn how to push your buttons to manipulate you. These weaknesses could be anything, from topics that tend to set you off, to your loved ones, to causes you’re especially sympathetic towards.

Though these weaknesses make you more susceptible to manipulation, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them. These so-called weaknesses aren’t necessarily negative – they’re part of what makes you human. Of course, you care for your loved ones and hate when they are poorly spoken about. Of course, you believe in some causes and are passionate about them. That’s normal and healthy!

But it’s essential for you to keep in mind that these things that you feel strongly about can and will be used against you by an exploiter. By knowing this in advance, you can keep this in mind and be prepared.

7.   YOUR CONFIDENCE IS DROPPING

A change in your self-esteem with no discernable trigger could be due to an unknown exploiter. Toxic and abusive behavior is a widespread cause of a decline in confidence, self-esteem, and positive thinking, and it can stay with you for years and years

Manipulators and exploiters can often undermine you and ruin your self-esteem because they continually make you feel reduced to one specific use. You may wonder if they even like you at all or if you’re worth spending time. You may wonder if you can ever do anything right, or if everything you do is destined for failure.

It’s crucial to keep in mind that your self-worth is not defined by anyone else. Only you can set it. If someone is exploitative of you, it doesn’t detract from your value or worth in any way.

8.   THEY MAKE YOU QUESTION YOUR REALITY

Gaslighting is a very commonly performed behavior that typically involves making the victim feel like they’re going crazy or losing their grip on reality. They twist events and situations in their favor, implying that you’re misremembering those events. They may use phrases like:

“Maybe you just weren’t paying attention.”

“You’re too emotional.”

“Woah, is your memory getting worse?”

“That’s obviously not what happened.”

“You’re taking this too seriously.”

But a lot of gaslighting is more complicated than one or two simple sentences. It involves slowly and deliberately making you question past events. If you aren’t aware of the manipulation, you may slowly begin to believe it, slowly losing confidence and positive thinking as you go. This is classified as abusive behavior.

If someone gaslights you, you can respond with the following statements:

“That isn’t my reality.”

“I understand your perspective, but that’s not how I see it.”

“We experienced that differently.”

“You cannot change what I experienced.”

someone exploiting you

9.   THEY SEEM TO HAVE DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES

It feels like you meet a different person every day with an exploiter. In various scenarios, they put on different masks, sometimes becoming unrecognizable.

As an example, they may be extremely polite and friendly in public but then morph into insulting and dismissive people behind closed doors. Why is this done? Well, someone who is taking advantage of you may need to make themselves look more positive or like the “good guy.” As such, they may do what they can to make sure that everyone around them has no reason to suspect their motives, making it difficult for you to seek help.

Another example is that they may seem kind and sweet to you one day, then cruel and biting the next. This is a form of indirect punishment and typically done to inform you that you’ve done something they don’t approve of.

FINAL THOUGHTS: TAKE SWIFT ACTION IF SOMEONE IS EXPLOITING YOU

So, should you immediately cut off anyone who does any of these signs someone is exploiting you? Not necessarily. Exploitative behavior can sometimes be unconscious, and while that doesn’t make it right, it does mean the actions are changeable. Sit down and talk to the person who is doing this to you with honest and direct communication and see if any changes come of it.

But if someone exploits you again and again, even after you speak to them and ask them to stop, it’s time to cut them off. Don’t feel ashamed of saying “Enough is enough” and showing an exploiter the door.

Esther Ijewere™©

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The beginning of a relationship can be a whirlwind of excitement. Flirtatious chats, all that intimate tension. Unfortunately, many of us have had these honeymoon stage feelings and only found out later that our partner wasn’t anywhere near ready to handle a relationship.

While the relationship can be fun and casual, you’ll also want to make sure that you know the signs of when your partner is really ready to take the next step into a mature and adult relationship. Some people just don’t have the experience, while others just aren’t ready to mature yet.

But how can you identify a mature partner?

“Many women talk about dating a “mature man”. What they’re really referring to is “emotional maturity.” An emotionally mature man is a man who won’t shut you out the minute things get stressful in his life,” says author Christian Carter.

Make sure you know the signs of when your partner is ready to take that next step with you.

Here are 8 Signs Your Partner Is Ready To Handle a Relationship

1. THEY’RE WILLING TO SHOW VULNERABILITY

If your significant other is flighty, cagey and doesn’t seem to want to open up, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready for a real relationship. After all, a key component of being in a relationship is the ability and the willingness to be vulnerable with your partner. Your partner should be willing to share their feelings with you, even when those feelings are upsetting or uncomfortable.

2. THEY’RE AUTHENTIC

Your partner should act and feel like a real person. You shouldn’t have to watch them put on a show for the people around you. If your partner is authentic, it means that they’re willing to stick to their core beliefs, and don’t feel a need to fake it around other people. Your partner should be entirely comfortable with who they are. If they aren’t, how are they going to be comfortable in a relationship?

If something comes up or things don’t go their way, they’re able to handle it with grace rather than throwing a fit. You want to be sure that your partner is able to go with the flow, because life and relationships are always going to be changing when we least expect it.

You don’t want a partner who is using you for financial gain.

“It is important that someone be able to take care of themselves emotionally and physically. If they can’t, they will never be able to provide the support they need to provide when that is called for,” says clinical psychologist and author Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.

Having a partner who is flexible and easily able to handle change means that they’re definitely ready and mature enough to be in a relationship.

4. THEY’RE INTIMATE

Having a good sex life is a pretty important part of having a mature relationship. If your partner has troubles with intimacy, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready to take that step with you. And that’s okay! People move at their own pace. Your partner should always be intimate in ways that aren’t just limited to sex. They should be able to share their feelings with you, and share parts of themselves that they don’t with other people. That is an important part of intimacy.

5. THEY HAVE GOALS AND STICK WITH THEM

Having goals is good, but sometimes people just put them on a shelf and forget to actually try and achieve them. You want to make sure your partner has the ability to make goals and also follow through with them. If they want to lose a few pounds, your partner should have the control to change their diet or exercise in order to do so – instead of just saying they want to without doing anything.

5. THEY HAVE GOOD FINANCIAL HABITS

The hallmark of someone who isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship is their inability to handle their finances. They should be able to pay their bills on time without accidentally overspending on things that they shouldn’t. If your partner has good financial habits and isn’t constantly running out of money on things they don’t need, it’s safe to say they’re mature enough to handle a relationship.

7. THEY’RE A GOOD PERSON

Being a good person is a culmination of many things. How do they treat strangers, service workers, their friends and their parents? What are their values? How do they feel about helping others? A lot of being a good person is knowing when to be selfless. If your partner has a hard time thinking about anyone other than themselves, then they might not be ready to think about you.

A good person is one who has “respect and kindness in his words and actions. You don’t feel belittled or less than even if he isn’t happy with you. He stands with you and has your back when you are struggling. Your priorities become important to him,” says marriage counselor and author Lesli Doares.

8. THEY’RE SELF-AWARE

Your partner should be able to notice both their strengths and their weaknesses. You want a partner who has a balanced view of themselves. If they think too highly of themselves, they may not be able to recognize when they’re in the wrong. If they think too lowly of themselves, they may not have the self-esteem it takes to maintain a relationship. Keep an eye out for your partner’s self-awareness; it’ll be a huge indicator of when they’re ready for a relationship.

Lets me also add that a mature partner should respect your differences

Not only do they respect them, but they also appreciate them. Your partner should appreciate your differences, and respect you as a person enough to not try and change them. If you find that your partner can’t seem to see past your differences, it may be a sign they’re not ready to handle a relationship

Final thoughts

Making sure your partner hits these checkpoints of maturity is important to knowing whether or not they’re really ready for a relationship. But at the same time, it’s important that you can say the same thing about yourself, as well! Relationships take two people to work, and you want to make sure you’re not holding your partner to a higher standard than yourself.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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“Do you want to attract people to you effortlessly”?

“Do people warm up to you easily”?

If you have confidence in yourself and your abilities or you want to boost your confidence level, then this article is for you.

Read on….

With Confidence, you’re more likely to try different things and take risks—ask your boss for a raise or promotion, approach an attractive guy or girl in public, or start working out.

Confidence is something that is often easy to notice in people, but is difficult to figure out what exactly it is they’re doing that is making them so visibly confident.

Here are 8 things that confident people do regularly and that you can implement immediately to start building your confidence.

1. Listen

Confident people listen and hear what others have to say. This is a way to remain open-minded and understand others’ perspectives. One of the best tips I was ever told was to listen to someone’s viewpoint and wait at least three seconds to reply. If you reply too soon, you’re defending your response or replying with your own thoughts and it’s likely that you didn’t actually listen—you were concentrated on your perspective. As you wait to reply, the other person is also more likely to reveal more about themselves. Next time you feel the urge to reply immediately in a conversation, stop, wait for three seconds, and really let that other person’s words sink in.

2. Smile

Something as simple as smiling more can do wonders to improve your mood and stress levels. Smiling makes your brain feel like you are happy, which in turn projects positivity to the rest of your body. Next time you are walking down the street or around the halls at school or work, smile at the first person you see and notice the change in your mood.

3. Encourage others

Confident people are aware of their abilities and don’t feel threatened by others. Instead, confident people encourage others to be successful and inspire others to seek out beneficial opportunities. Next time someone approaches you—a coworker, friend, colleague—about an opportunity they have or are interested in, encourage and inspire them to go through with it.

4. Ask about others

Confident people don’t feel the need to talk about themselves every chance they get. Yes, they want to be heard, but they don’t feel a need to prove themselves. This confidence allows them to get to know another person quicker, as they are making that person feel like the most important person in the room. Next time you’re talking to someone you don’t know (or barely know), try to keep the conversation about them while being genuine. To do this, use a mental framework called FORGE: family, occupation, relationships, goals, environment. Once you find something that they seem passionate about or that you have in common, go further on that topic. Once a person realizes you’re genuinely interested in them, they are more likely to open up.

5. Think confidently

Thinking confidently may seem obvious or easy, but it’s important (and sometimes harder than you’d think). To think confidently, try remembering a time when you felt confident in a situation. Maybe after you received a compliment from someone after your last presentation, you felt great about yourself and confident in your skills. Before you give your next presentation or speech, remember how this felt, and remember that other people saw how well you performed previously—this lets your brain know you are more than capable of succeeding because you’ve done it before.

6. Dress for success

This may seem vain, but the way you dress impacts how you feel. Think about it— you don’t put on dress clothes to lounge around all day, watching Netflix. So, the same holds true if you want to feel confident. Next time you go into a situation where you need to feel confident (a presentation, negotiation, crucial conversation, etc.) wear clean, well-kept clothes that fit properly and notice how more confident you feel.

8. Meditate

Meditation is one of the best ways to improve your presence, and presence is one of the key contributors of charisma. Confident people have great awareness of the situation around them and they focus all their energy and attention on those they are talking with. Meditating opens your mind to feeling in the moment, and when you’re in the moment it’s easier to see your abilities and skills in action, which can help you to feel more confident in yourself. Meditating can improve your mindfulness and make you more aware of your own thoughts. If you can recognize your thoughts, you’re able to catch the negative ones before they manifest in your body and turn them into positive thoughts, which will help you to feel more confident.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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“Have you ever told someone more they need to know “?

“Have you had a phone conversation and right after you regret saying more than you should”?

Well, you are not alone….. This article is just for you,

Continue reading….

Truth is Lots of us have a bad habit of wearing our hearts on our sleeves. This can make us an open book even to strangers. We definitely don’t want that – mystery is the spice of life, after all. Keeping a clear distinction between your personal life and your professional life is a difficult (but very important) skill to master. You have to be very picky who you share your secrets with, because, unfortunately, not everyone has good intentions.

Importantly, you need to be careful to make sure that the details of your personal life can’t be used to hurt you. It’s useful to have a basic list of certain personal information you should never share with others. If you don’t know how to make your own list, we’re here to help. In fact, we’ve combined some secrets you should always try to keep to yourself, no matter how strong the urge to share them with everyone.

According to Joan Collins; “The secret of having a personal life is not answering too many questions about it.”

HERE ARE 6 SECRETS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE

1. Past Resentments

We all have negative stories about our personal life to tell about people we don’t like. (Remember those schoolmates or former colleagues that you held a grudge against years ago – and maybe still do? Yeah, same here.) It’s always best to let go of these feelings and discuss them as little as you can in public. This is for you as much as for others, because negativity is exhausting. Not just to feel but also to listen to. People prefer communicating with positive conversation partners, those who have interesting insights to provide – not ones who gripe about some other people they don’t even know. Let go of whatever’s weighing you down. Try to focus on the present and you’ll find that more and more people will be keen to talk to you.

2. Material Belongings

As we all know, certain things in life are far more important than their cost. But sometimes, we can’t help but brag about the new car we have, or the new phone we just bought at an exclusive price. As much as Parks and Recreation might tell you otherwise, your colleagues don’t want to know about how you’ve been treating yourself. It can make you come off as arrogant and overly obsessed with the monetary value of things rather than their unique significance. Modesty is a wonderful accessory. You should try and spread it throughout your conversations.

3. Goals for the Future

You might find this unlikely, but there is actually science behind the fact that you’re much more likely to achieve your long-term goals if you don’t share them with others. When you tell others about your future aspirations, you almost feel as if the enjoyment of achieving the goal has been taken from you. As a result, you don’t work as hard towards it. If you keep your goals to yourself, however, you have a much higher chance of achieving them. And once you have done that, feel free to tell the whole world about it.

4. Your Income

Only one group of people should be allowed to know the details of your income: the people who work in your bank. Money is never a nice subject to talk about in public because you never know what anyone’s financial situation looks like. It may seem like you’re bragging without meaning to. Money – and knowledge about finances – can shift relationships irreparably. Once your financial situation becomes public knowledge, people just start looking at you differently without being able to help it. To save yourself from that kind of awkward situation, keep the details of your income to your bank statements.

5. Good Deeds

You may have heard that good deeds always attract good karma. That’s true, and you should never be discouraged from doing good – however, if you start bragging about it, it takes on a whole different perspective. Once you brag about something good that you’ve done, you’re making it all about yourself, thus invalidating the good that you’ve already created. Many of the greatest philanthropists in the world remain anonymous for a very good reason. When you do a charitable deed, you want the attention to be on the people or the cause that you’re helping and not on yourself.

6. Family Problems

Whether it’s your extended family or your blood relatives, keep the problems in the family. Don’t abuse people’s trust. You’ve been told those secrets because you are close to these people, but they haven’t allowed you to spread them around to everyone in your social circle. They confided in you, and breaking that confidence is the worst thing you could possibly do. Be respectful of other people’s secrets. In return, you can expect for them to treat you the same

– Esther Ijewere™©

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“Have you ever felt like a friend or family is jealous of you”?

“Do you have friends who love to compete with you”?

Nothing feels worse than achieving a goal or becoming successful in an endeavor and discovering that the people around you don’t feel proud or positive about it – but rather, they feel jealous. A person’s jealous feelings can cause them to act unkindly towards us, especially in the face of our own achievements or success.

Everyone has felt this unpleasant emotion at least once in their lives, and most likely much more than that. It seems much harder to deal with when other people feel jealous towards us, though. After all, we can control how we feel, but we can’t control other people’s emotions. Recognizing the signs that someone is jealous of you can be the first step to fixing it.

Here are 7 signs if someone’s jealous of you ;

1. Downplay your Success

No matter what you achieve or how hard you worked to do so, jealous people will always try to make it seem like it was a fluke, or that you didn’t work as hard as you did to achieve your success. The reasons that they come up with may be rude or condescending. Rising to their bait will only make them more likely to talk poorly. Stay humble but firm in your achievements. If you brag, they may be more likely to stay jealous of you.

People who will envy you the most are the ones who are in need the most of what you possess, says M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.

2. False Praise

When someone is jealous of you, they’re often the first to give you a compliment that sounds sincere, or seems to be dripping with passive aggression. However, you’ll find that these people will be rolling their eyes the minute you leave the room.

They would rather pretend they’re not jealous than address the issue. One way to turn it back around is to give them sincere compliments when something good happens to them. It may help them see that you’re a genuine person, and help curb their jealousy.

3. Flaunting their Success

Someone who is jealous of you may be more inclined to flaunt their success more than it’s really worth flaunting. They may be more inclined to flaunt their own achievements while you’re celebrating your own. These are the type of people to get engaged at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because chances are, they’re not as successful as you are. Author Bob Bly states, “There are always people who are filled with negative thoughts — not only about others whom they envy (you) but also about themselves and their perceived failure to having achieved their goals (which are often to own their own business or be richer than they are).

While it may be frustrating, getting upset is only going to make them feel more justified in their behavior. Instead, offer them sincere praise in their achievements. Leading by example is a good way to alter someone’s behavior.

4. They’re are Imitating You

Someone who is jealous of you alternatively wants to be better than you, and also be just like you. They may imitate the way you talk or the way you dress in order to feel better about themselves. Instead of allowing this to upset you, try to encourage them to go their own way. When they’re doing their own thing, give them positive reinforcement. Show them that they don’t have to be you to be great, and that they can be their own person.

5. They’re are competitive

Jealous people tend to be highly competitive, because they always want to be the one reaping the success or as clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says, they are “either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority.

While it can be tempting to take them down a peg, refuse to make the competition unhealthy, or even refuse to participate. If they try to argue with you about a job promotion, just simply tell them: “It isn’t a competition.” Refusing to play into their game will make them less likely to try and continue to one up you.

jealousy

6. Celebrating your failures

Someone who is jealous is going to privately feel very good about when you make mistakes, or get reprimanded or corrected at work or school. While they may never show it, they’re often secretly enjoying your failures. Handle your mistakes with grace! You can always remind them that making mistakes are part of life and learning. If you’re not upset, they’re not getting the enjoyment out of it that they thought they would.

7. They gossip behind your back

Jealous people will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. It’s not fun, and the things they say can be malicious and hurtful. The best way to deal with someone who does this may be just to confront them directly.

Since jealous people don’t tend to be outwardly confrontational, talking to them seriously about what they’re doing may be enough to get them to rethink their behavior, or to get it to stop entirely.

My final thoughts

Dealing with someone else’s jealousy can be a tricky situation. You may feel the desire to just tell them off. But, dealing with a jealous person in a non-confrontational and positive manner is ultimately better for both you and the other person. They may feel a lot of self-esteem issues that they need to work through, and getting upset with them won’t fix or deal with their jealous tendencies. Knowing the signs of a jealous person will make it easier to fix and handle in a positive and productive manner.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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A popular poet once said: “Fashion is like eating, you shouldn’t stick to the same menu.” The beauty of Fashion is to be unconventional and sometimes break from the norm. That is what Jadesola Rawa is doing with her Melia by Jade clothing line, making evergreen clothings that stand the test of time, using Batik (Adire).In a short period of time, she has been able to not only carve a niche for herself but become a household name. Jade has successfully made fashion that cut across all social status and also give a percentage of her sales to organisations that look after women with breast cancer, and that’s what makes her stand out. She shares her inspiring story with  Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood Influence
I grew up in the Northern part of the country. Not with a lot, so I had to be resourceful to get what I need. I was that child that knew that getting extra uniforms was not going to happen. So if I wanted my uniform or hand-me down clothes to look a certain way, I had to patiently sit with the tailors to alter. I remember spending hours with local tailors in Barnawa, Kaduna where I grew up. I guess looking back at it, that’s where this whole business started from indirectly. I pored over Ovation and City People magazines for years. I loved looking at clothes and people looking glamorous.

Inspiration behind Melia by Jade
Melia By Jade started out of necessity and also love. Necessity because I was in-between jobs and I really felt like I had to do something for some sort of income. I have always loved fashion and clothes. I knew I didn’t want to just sell clothes. So it seemed natural to create the pieces I would wear but using local fabrics to do it. The Melia part of the name came from a hotel I was staying in at the time; the thought came to me to do something about this. Some research into the name and it turns out to mean feminine beauty in German. Flatterer. Industrious. So there you have it…Feminine Beauty by Jade which is the short form of my name…Jadesola.

Why I chose Batik
I have always loved Adire and fabrics that are indigenous to us. Adire is art. I love art. I love beautiful things that are unique and can’t be found on every and anybody. Remember watching all those old Yoruba movies? The ones in the village setting? They wore adire. The royalty wore adire. There is just something special about it. And also because a part of me wants to give back to Nigeria, Promote local industries and our culture; from the tailors we use, the printers, the suppliers. A huge part of what we do is to also give back. Every year, a percentage of sales goes to organisations that look after women with breast cancer; CancerAware. This year, I am looking to do something with kids. On a bigger scale. So, yes we are huge on giving back and making a difference in our own little way.

My brand in five years
To be honest, I want my brand in stores across the world. I already do a tiny amount of export to the UK and US and Canada. But the plan is to stock in some of the stores abroad where anyone from any part of the world could walk into and pick up a Melia By Jade piece. I want to be a household name in Nigeria and beyond, for a brand that makes unique, affordable and contemporary pieces using locally sourced fabrics.

Moments that make me reflect on why I started
The joy I get when I run into people wearing my brand. Or people send me pictures of themselves wearing it, or when my daughter sees any random person on the street wearing adire and she goes “are you wearing Melia?” To her, any adire piece is a Melia piece. All these things give me joy. Makes me remember why I started and gives me the push to continue during the difficult times.

Nigerian designers that inspire me
I admire a lot of Nigerian designers. I love Moofa…like I can see myself wearing like 80 per cent of what she makes, just can’t afford her yet). I look up to Xclamations by Tomi Rotimi. Lanre Da Silva Ajayi also does great work.

Other Projects and Activities
I work a full-time job in renewable energy. I love what I do in my 9 to 5 because it’s social impact work. I love the fact that while I am earning salary, I can still make a difference in lighting up communities that would otherwise maybe not see power if they wait on the national grid. I love TV. That’s where I started my career from. I have all these ideas about stuff I would like to do in content creation. One day soon. These are my passions. One day soon…

Challenges of being an Entrepreneur
I was talking to someone who mentors me recently in this fashion space, and he mentioned the fact that he imports EVERYTHING for his business. That made me so sad. But I can legit understand why he would do that. From tailors, to suppliers, to printer to pretty much everything, it’s almost crazy to even want to run a business in Nigeria. It seems like EVERYTHING is configured to frustrate you.

Designing Nuggets for Beginners
Lol. Shouldn’t I be taking lessons? I am a learner too. But I would say this…no matter how tempted you get, make sure you stay true to yourself. Your stamp should always be on your designs. Everyone has done everything that everyone is trying to do…what makes you different? That’s what everyone should ask themselves when designing.

Being a Woman of Rubies
I think a lot of things. The fact that every single day I wake up, I want to be a better person. The fact that I have faced adversities so many times and I refused to give up. The fact that even though it’s hard, I still try to make sure that integrity is my watchword for the things I do. The fact that for me, helping the next person anyway I can will still put a smile on my face over profit. The fact that I tell my child every single day I can…be a decent human being. That’s more important that being “first in class” or being the prettiest girl out there. Don’t get me wrong…this woman of rubies has feet of clay…but we keep pushing.

Dear aspiring Fashion Designer…
What are you bringing to the table that’s different? That’s the only question. If you can answer that, then you are good to go.

My experience in the Industry
I would say that I am a child of grace. I believe I have been given opportunities others might not have been lucky to access. It is a grace thing. Don’t forget, this isn’t a full-time gig for me yet. If and when it becomes a full time gig, I would then be able to say whether or not the industry has been fair. But on second thoughts, me…I am not waiting for anything to be fair o. We take it!!! When we are ready.

The Future Business Leaders Conference is an initiative of Techie and Savvy.

It is a platform where they expose primary and secondary school pupils to industry experts with the aim of spurring them to become value driven, take decisive actions towards greatness, create an entrepreneurial mindset in pupils and provoke similar conversation between participants.

Last year, Techie and Savvy organized the first Future Business Leaders Conference and it was a huge success. We had pupils from over 20 schools in attendance.

According to Ogechi; “This year, our aim is to make it bigger, better and open to as many schools and pupils that are willing to participate. As such, seats shall be allocated on a first come, first serve basis. At Techie and Savvy Entrepreneurship Club, we are particular about enabling our pupils become creators of value. We believe that every child is born with inherent talents and potentials which when properly nurtured and developed will function to position them for success and greatness. Hence, the theme for this year’s conference is: My Talent and I”.

The speakers shall be looking at subject matter areas such as:

How to discover and harness your talent, the importance of learning a skill, how to create value with your talent and potentials and how to position yourself for greatness.

Objective: At the end of the conference, participants shall be able to:

•Identify their God given talents and inherent potentials
•Learn how to harness their talents and potentials
•Understand how to create value using their talents and potentials
•Develop strategies on how to monetize their talents and potentials.

Program Details:

Theme: My Talent and I
Date: 5th March, 2020
Venue: Pelican Hotel, Chevron
Time: 8:30 am

To have your school pupils attend this event, kindly send us a direct message or send a Whatsapp message to 08091747563.

Registration Closes on the 21st of February, 2020.

If you are looking for a long-term partner, job, or more friends, you will have to make them attracted to you. Here are the 7 simple ways to make people attracted to you without turning them off.

1. BE CONFIDENT, BUT NOT ARROGANT

First, it is important that you are confident about yourself. Being proud of who you are and liking your characteristics is one of the keys to make people like you. This also includes being sociable, being able to go along with the conversation and being smart when talking. Confidence is attractive, but you have to remember not to be conceited or arrogant as you might only push people away from you.

2.SENSE OF HUMOR

People who are funny are known to be intelligent and sociable. Most people are looking for this characteristic when searching for romance or friends. Even if someone is not interested in you, you can grab their attention by making them laugh.

3.ASK DEEP QUESTIONS

Cut the unnecessary conversations and start asking them deeper questions. This can make them personally connected to you and you can tell them something deep as well.

4. DON’T FORGET TO SMILE

You can easily make someone comfortable talking or having long conversations with you when you smile often. Of course, smiling is the easiest way to tell other people, “hey, don’t hesitate to talk to me, I’m friendly.”

5. EYE CONTACT

Making eye contact to a person makes you appear to be dominant and confident. This also makes you appear clever. You can also pair it with a strong handshake and you would totally nail it!

6.DRESS PROPERLY

When trying to make people attracted to you, it is important that you give attention to how you dress. Most people give definition to the clothes a person wears. It can be a definition associated to success or personality so if you want to make people notice you or attracted to you, make sure that you dress well.

Let me also add HAVE MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU

People who are in groups tend to be more attractive. This is because it shows you that you are sociable and you can easily connect to other people. Having many people around you makes you look more attractive.

Kindly like, follow and drop your comments… *winks* . I will be glad to hear from you.

Esther Ijewere

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Temi Olajide is a Certified Child Sleep / Potty Training Consultant and Child Psychologist. She is Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant, Founder and Lead Strategist at Mummyclinic Global Services, founded in December 2017. Her organization hosts an online platform that provides strategies and result-driven solutions to the challenges of child-rearing. The organization which is also a sleep training platform for children in West Africa helps mothers to successfully combine the requirements of life and motherhood while responding correctly to the peculiarities of the digital age. She successfully worked with over 1500 mothers within the first year of establishment.

Beyond her certification in Child Psychology, Potty Training and Child Sleep Behaviour, she holds a B.Sc. in Chemistry, a certification in Introductory Journalism from the London College of Media and Journalism and  Makeup Artistry and Aesthetic Spa certification.

Temi is also the author of the fast-selling Amazon book;  Wi-Fi Kids and Analog Parents, a comprehensive book that equips parents on how to raise well-rounded kids in the digital age.

She shares her story in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I will say yes, my parents did their best to live intentionally and their lives were transparent to us and were both great role models. I wanted to be a modified version of them though not with as many kids, by the way, I’m the first and only girl with three brothers.

I would also my parents lives parented me, I would have loved for them to have been more approachable early on in my life because there are some experiences you would have loved to share as a young girl growing up, but typical Nigerian parents then weren’t that approachable, the fear of some many other things wouldn’t allow that, lol. But they never lived a lie, so I grew up using their lives as a guide, which I usually encourage parents to do. If you cannot do so much, just be a good example because your kids can see through you and learn just to be like you as many parents don’t practice what they preach and that’s where you start to lose your kids.

Inspiration behind Mummyclinicc

Mummyclinicc was founded to empower mums on how to overcome day-to-day mummy challenges by providing them with quick hacks and solutions, achieve work and life success, and improve their well-being and state of mental health while they raise well-rounded children in this digital age.

Let me share a background story of what prepared me for mummyclinicc.

After marriage, I sat down one day and analyzed what kind of mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be that mum that enjoyed her life and work while raising my kids. But the narrative around me didn’t reflect what I desired. The narrative I saw was that as a mum you will experience sleepless nights, it’s overwhelming, tiring, and exhausting,  it’s either you choose your career or your children, and it’s not fun and fulfilling asides having these babies. I didn’t want my life to be all these. I  know being a mum is very challenging but I said to myself since I  can’t avoid it so why not look for easier ways to overcome these challenges and enjoy the journey, I started to seek knowledge and read books to find solutions. I wanted to change this narrative so that I can enjoy this journey despite the challenges. So I became deliberate from day one when I got pregnant with my first. And that was the beginning of being an intentional mum, I didn’t leave things to chance except pray for God’s guidance and blessings on my effort as I knew God wouldn’t come down to do my job. Then the digital age came, joined Instagram in 2016 and I saw many mums struggling and unhappy with the journey of motherhood, I remember always seeing posts of mums struggling with getting their kids  to go to bed early, sleeping through the night and potty training and I always told myself, this shouldn’t be a problem any mum should be facing, I can help  but didn’t know how

I will have sleepless nights many times thinking why will these mums be going through all this when solutions exist but I am a very private person and thinking of how I will cope with social media which can still be a struggle times though.

Then my late dad’s funeral will play again in my head, Temitope, if you die today, what value will you have added to mankind? So I decided to finally take a plunge and live my dreams because I knew I was called to help working mothers. I knew it was time to overcome my fears and start to fulfil my dreams of helping more mums than those around me and adding more value to humanity.

I knew 80% of our problems are solved as mums if raising our kids gives us some form of peace and joy.

I’m always unhappy and troubled when I see or hear other mums unhappy and overwhelmed because this was what I wanted to avoid as a mum and I know they can also achieve it if they allow me to help them. This was how Mummyclinicc was birth. Taking mums from exhausted/overwhelmed to enjoyment despite our challenges.

Being  Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant

We have been able to sleep train over 700 children in our sleep school and it’s amazing how you see the lifestyle of mums transform and become productive when their child’s sleep habits and sleep is improved. We’ve witnessed improved bonding between husbands and wives as they get more time to spend with each other as soon as the kids are in bed and not witnessing any interruption in their beds through the night too. We have had testimonies of children feeding better, behaving calmer, becoming healthier and doing better at school due to improved sleep lifestyle and so many more.

I’ve heard some mums say why to hire a sleep consultant, our parents didn’t sleep-train us until I explain to them that life sleep-trained us. Imagine our lives without the internet, youtube, 24-7 Tv programs, phones, tabs, and generators. Everyone including our parents went to bed early by 10 pm after the news and we kids after dinner, so we were able to enjoy the benefits of sleep. But imagine our lives now and the benefits of sleep and our physiological body system are still required, our bodies are still the same and don’t understand the Internet age but we are depriving it of the benefits. Even as adults, inadequate sleep is leading to many illnesses now and it’s during consolidated adequate sleep that our brain cells are repaired and our children’s growth hormones are developed.

Leaving the banking industry to pitch my tent as a Child sleep and potty training advocate

I left the banking industry after having my first child to give me more time to be hands-on with him and I didn’t have a lot of support around me at that time as my mum wasn’t in the country. I also wanted a career as a business consultant because that was my desire after graduating from school which I am today which I combine with Mummyclinicc. I became a Child sleep and potty training consultant solely out of a passion to help other mums. I just want every other working mum out there to enjoy motherhood while achieving their dreams and raising well-rounded children. That this is doable.

Work-life balance of being a certified Potty Training Consultant, Child Psychologist, Wife  and Mom

I have immense support from my husband, my children and my mum, they’ve been a great help. And there is something I never fail to do, asking for help, even if it will cost me.

Being Intentional with my life has also helped, me plan my day. I guard the use of my time jealousy as I know time is life. I also started to involve and integrate my kids at a very young age with house chores and my work, so that helped as well. I refuel regularly by taking care of myself and doing what I enjoy doing I ditched perfectionism. Nothing like a perfect mum or wife, I just work at being the best for my family.

Finally, I prioritize. I focus on what’s important each time, so I’m able to give my best to whatever I choose to focus on.

Other projects and activities

Asides from our sleep and potty training services, as a child psychologist I also help mums through our classes and mummy coaching programs on building trust with their children, getting kids to listen and cooperate with them, sex education for kids, confidence and positive personality building for lifelong success and other challenges mum face.

Challenges of Being a Social Entrepreneur

Poor Internet  Services in our country are a major for me because we work with mums across the world, and poor internet connection makes it more frustrating in helping as many mums as we will love to help as our platform is majorly using the online space to reach out.

Collaborating with people and organizations can be a herculean task also in our Country especially pitching our services to organizations to help women employees become more productive.

Lack of funds to expand is also a major challenge. We don’t want to only help mums that can afford our services or be able to access the free resources we give daily on our platform only

Potty Training Nuggets

The first thing about potty training is education. We advise mums to educate themselves before getting started. Many times we just want to jump into potty training, get potty and tell the child to sit on it. That is why many children wouldn’t cooperate so easily with us on the first try.

Secondly, the type of potty matters, imagine sitting on a toilet that is too low, high or the toilet bowl is too wide for your bum, you wouldn’t be comfortable and enjoy the process of using it, likewise with children, comfort matters especially something you’re weaning them into, if not it becomes a stressful process for you and your child.

My fast-selling book Wi-Fi Kids and why it’s a must-have for every parent

It’s a must-have because it addresses the changes in the dynamics of parenting in this age compared to ours and how to handle those changes, it provides a much-needed guide for raising children in the digital age. It is so all-encompassing and it highlights the pros and cons of the digital age, sex education for kids, understanding and communicating with children in the digital age, and constructing boundaries, among other salient issues bordering on parenting in the digital age. We need to understand what our digital children require from us to allow them to thrive and navigate successfully at this age.

I use this analogy, our parents were trained with walls, and our walls were our churches, schools, mosques and family. We believed everything we were told because there was no other source of information. Imagine our mothers telling us then that if a man touches us, we will get pregnant and we believed, even a 2year old in this digital age will say, Mum, why are you lying, it’s impossible. We should understand that we are raising our children now with no walls, if you lie to them, google is now everyone’s new friend. Learning and information are not limited to what we were limited with, so you will agree with me that the tactics that are used to find battles in a place with walls/restriction are different from a place with no walls, no walls means more danger, confusing to navigate and porous to attack. Parenting Strategy has to be different, which is why my book is a must-have for every parent at this age, nothing to do with you being techy, it’s a mindset shift!

To Moms who are finding it hard to get the necessary support and resources, they need to train their children.

Honestly, not every mum will get desired support from families and friends, but thank God for the online space, support and resources that now exist compared to when I was having kids.

If you can’t get free help, if you can afford to pay for help and support, please do. I did and I’m still doing so I’m not a fan of giving excuses, whining and blaming my circumstance for not having the support I desire.

Trying to figure things out in this digital age is becoming more costly than the cost of seeking help from people. I remembered when we were growing up, it took a village to raise us, our parents will go to their friends, neighbours, pastors and school for help and support, but at this age, everyone is keeping their problems to themselves, you don’t want people to know your challenges before they spread it around (which can be understandable because there is a trust issue in this age) but it still doesn’t take away the fact that you need to seek help when needed because we can’t do this alone, and that is why if you can’t get it free please seek professional help on time before its too late, everything happens so fast in this age.

Government  and  the child health sector

I believe they should have improved medical child-friendly facilities for children as parents will be more comfortable in taking their children to the hospitals without self-medicating which usually leads to more complications. Then if they can make access to medical facilities free for children, it will reduce child mortality rates as parents will take their kids quicker for treatments rather than self-medicating or figuring it out instead of waiting till the last minute and health deteriorated.

Challenges Mum faces

 I would say one of the major challenges is having to get their children to listen and cooperate with them without having to shout, spank or nag them and knowing appropriate ways to discipline and set boundaries with the peculiarities of the digital age.

Dear Mums….

Dear mum, There is nothing like this how things are when you become a mum, you must have sleepless nights,  shout, nag, be overwhelmed, and give up something for something. Times have changed and help is here, Solutions exist. Please reach out for help, no mum deserve to suffer in silence.

You deserve to live the best version of yourself while raising the best version of your children. Remember you can’t give what you don’t have and your kids will most likely be like you or a  better version of you. The question is what version of you are your kids seeing and learning from?

At mummyclinicc, we provide quick proven solutions to all your worrisome mummy headaches,  while you achieve work & life success to live a healthier life and improve your well-being and state of mental health while you raise the best version of your child in this age and enjoy your mummy life.

We can be reached through our website www.mummyclinicc.com and our Instagram page @mummyclinicc.