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Esther Ijewere

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In Editor's Choice By

“MY GOAL IS TO PROMOTE LOCAL INDUSTRIES AND OUR CULTURE” – JADESOLA RAWA

A popular poet once said: “Fashion is like eating, you shouldn’t stick to the same menu.” The beauty of Fashion is to be unconventional and sometimes break from the norm. That is what Jadesola Rawa is doing with her Melia by Jade clothing line, making evergreen clothings that stand the test of time, using Batik (Adire).In a short period of time, she has been able to not only carve a niche for herself but become a household name. Jade has successfully made fashion that cut across all social status and also give a percentage of her sales to organisations that look after women with breast cancer, and that’s what makes her stand out. She shares her inspiring story with  Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood Influence
I grew up in the Northern part of the country. Not with a lot, so I had to be resourceful to get what I need. I was that child that knew that getting extra uniforms was not going to happen. So if I wanted my uniform or hand-me down clothes to look a certain way, I had to patiently sit with the tailors to alter. I remember spending hours with local tailors in Barnawa, Kaduna where I grew up. I guess looking back at it, that’s where this whole business started from indirectly. I pored over Ovation and City People magazines for years. I loved looking at clothes and people looking glamorous.

Inspiration behind Melia by Jade
Melia By Jade started out of necessity and also love. Necessity because I was in-between jobs and I really felt like I had to do something for some sort of income. I have always loved fashion and clothes. I knew I didn’t want to just sell clothes. So it seemed natural to create the pieces I would wear but using local fabrics to do it. The Melia part of the name came from a hotel I was staying in at the time; the thought came to me to do something about this. Some research into the name and it turns out to mean feminine beauty in German. Flatterer. Industrious. So there you have it…Feminine Beauty by Jade which is the short form of my name…Jadesola.

Why I chose Batik
I have always loved Adire and fabrics that are indigenous to us. Adire is art. I love art. I love beautiful things that are unique and can’t be found on every and anybody. Remember watching all those old Yoruba movies? The ones in the village setting? They wore adire. The royalty wore adire. There is just something special about it. And also because a part of me wants to give back to Nigeria, Promote local industries and our culture; from the tailors we use, the printers, the suppliers. A huge part of what we do is to also give back. Every year, a percentage of sales goes to organisations that look after women with breast cancer; CancerAware. This year, I am looking to do something with kids. On a bigger scale. So, yes we are huge on giving back and making a difference in our own little way.

My brand in five years
To be honest, I want my brand in stores across the world. I already do a tiny amount of export to the UK and US and Canada. But the plan is to stock in some of the stores abroad where anyone from any part of the world could walk into and pick up a Melia By Jade piece. I want to be a household name in Nigeria and beyond, for a brand that makes unique, affordable and contemporary pieces using locally sourced fabrics.

Moments that make me reflect on why I started
The joy I get when I run into people wearing my brand. Or people send me pictures of themselves wearing it, or when my daughter sees any random person on the street wearing adire and she goes “are you wearing Melia?” To her, any adire piece is a Melia piece. All these things give me joy. Makes me remember why I started and gives me the push to continue during the difficult times.

Nigerian designers that inspire me
I admire a lot of Nigerian designers. I love Moofa…like I can see myself wearing like 80 per cent of what she makes, just can’t afford her yet). I look up to Xclamations by Tomi Rotimi. Lanre Da Silva Ajayi also does great work.

Other Projects and Activities
I work a full-time job in renewable energy. I love what I do in my 9 to 5 because it’s social impact work. I love the fact that while I am earning salary, I can still make a difference in lighting up communities that would otherwise maybe not see power if they wait on the national grid. I love TV. That’s where I started my career from. I have all these ideas about stuff I would like to do in content creation. One day soon. These are my passions. One day soon…

Challenges of being an Entrepreneur
I was talking to someone who mentors me recently in this fashion space, and he mentioned the fact that he imports EVERYTHING for his business. That made me so sad. But I can legit understand why he would do that. From tailors, to suppliers, to printer to pretty much everything, it’s almost crazy to even want to run a business in Nigeria. It seems like EVERYTHING is configured to frustrate you.

Designing Nuggets for Beginners
Lol. Shouldn’t I be taking lessons? I am a learner too. But I would say this…no matter how tempted you get, make sure you stay true to yourself. Your stamp should always be on your designs. Everyone has done everything that everyone is trying to do…what makes you different? That’s what everyone should ask themselves when designing.

Being a Woman of Rubies
I think a lot of things. The fact that every single day I wake up, I want to be a better person. The fact that I have faced adversities so many times and I refused to give up. The fact that even though it’s hard, I still try to make sure that integrity is my watchword for the things I do. The fact that for me, helping the next person anyway I can will still put a smile on my face over profit. The fact that I tell my child every single day I can…be a decent human being. That’s more important that being “first in class” or being the prettiest girl out there. Don’t get me wrong…this woman of rubies has feet of clay…but we keep pushing.

Dear aspiring Fashion Designer…
What are you bringing to the table that’s different? That’s the only question. If you can answer that, then you are good to go.

My experience in the Industry
I would say that I am a child of grace. I believe I have been given opportunities others might not have been lucky to access. It is a grace thing. Don’t forget, this isn’t a full-time gig for me yet. If and when it becomes a full time gig, I would then be able to say whether or not the industry has been fair. But on second thoughts, me…I am not waiting for anything to be fair o. We take it!!! When we are ready.

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In self development By

OGECHI OFURUM-OMEIKE SET TO HOLD 2ND FUTURE BUSINESS LEADERS CONFERENCE

The Future Business Leaders Conference is an initiative of Techie and Savvy.

It is a platform where they expose primary and secondary school pupils to industry experts with the aim of spurring them to become value driven, take decisive actions towards greatness, create an entrepreneurial mindset in pupils and provoke similar conversation between participants.

Last year, Techie and Savvy organized the first Future Business Leaders Conference and it was a huge success. We had pupils from over 20 schools in attendance.

According to Ogechi; “This year, our aim is to make it bigger, better and open to as many schools and pupils that are willing to participate. As such, seats shall be allocated on a first come, first serve basis. At Techie and Savvy Entrepreneurship Club, we are particular about enabling our pupils become creators of value. We believe that every child is born with inherent talents and potentials which when properly nurtured and developed will function to position them for success and greatness. Hence, the theme for this year’s conference is: My Talent and I”.

The speakers shall be looking at subject matter areas such as:

How to discover and harness your talent, the importance of learning a skill, how to create value with your talent and potentials and how to position yourself for greatness.

Objective: At the end of the conference, participants shall be able to:

•Identify their God given talents and inherent potentials
•Learn how to harness their talents and potentials
•Understand how to create value using their talents and potentials
•Develop strategies on how to monetize their talents and potentials.

Program Details:

Theme: My Talent and I
Date: 5th March, 2020
Venue: Pelican Hotel, Chevron
Time: 8:30 am

To have your school pupils attend this event, kindly send us a direct message or send a Whatsapp message to 08091747563.

Registration Closes on the 21st of February, 2020.

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In self development By

6 SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO YOU

If you are looking for a long-term partner, job, or more friends, you will have to make them attracted to you. Here are the 7 simple ways to make people attracted to you without turning them off.

1. BE CONFIDENT, BUT NOT ARROGANT

First, it is important that you are confident about yourself. Being proud of who you are and liking your characteristics is one of the keys to make people like you. This also includes being sociable, being able to go along with the conversation and being smart when talking. Confidence is attractive, but you have to remember not to be conceited or arrogant as you might only push people away from you.

2.SENSE OF HUMOR

People who are funny are known to be intelligent and sociable. Most people are looking for this characteristic when searching for romance or friends. Even if someone is not interested in you, you can grab their attention by making them laugh.

3.ASK DEEP QUESTIONS

Cut the unnecessary conversations and start asking them deeper questions. This can make them personally connected to you and you can tell them something deep as well.

4. DON’T FORGET TO SMILE

You can easily make someone comfortable talking or having long conversations with you when you smile often. Of course, smiling is the easiest way to tell other people, “hey, don’t hesitate to talk to me, I’m friendly.”

5. EYE CONTACT

Making eye contact to a person makes you appear to be dominant and confident. This also makes you appear clever. You can also pair it with a strong handshake and you would totally nail it!

6.DRESS PROPERLY

When trying to make people attracted to you, it is important that you give attention to how you dress. Most people give definition to the clothes a person wears. It can be a definition associated to success or personality so if you want to make people notice you or attracted to you, make sure that you dress well.

Let me also add HAVE MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU

People who are in groups tend to be more attractive. This is because it shows you that you are sociable and you can easily connect to other people. Having many people around you makes you look more attractive.

Kindly like, follow and drop your comments… *winks* . I will be glad to hear from you.

Esther Ijewere

Follow me on my social media accounts for more Inspiring contents

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

 

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Temi Olajide
In Editor's Choice By

Temi Olajide: I Want To Help Working Mums Enjoy Motherhood While Achieving Their Goals

Temi Olajide is a Certified Child Sleep / Potty Training Consultant and Child Psychologist. She is Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant, Founder and Lead Strategist at Mummyclinic Global Services, founded in December 2017. Her organization hosts an online platform that provides strategies and result-driven solutions to the challenges of child-rearing. The organization which is also a sleep training platform for children in West Africa helps mothers to successfully combine the requirements of life and motherhood while responding correctly to the peculiarities of the digital age. She successfully worked with over 1500 mothers within the first year of establishment.

Beyond her certification in Child Psychology, Potty Training and Child Sleep Behaviour, she holds a B.Sc. in Chemistry, a certification in Introductory Journalism from the London College of Media and Journalism and  Makeup Artistry and Aesthetic Spa certification.

Temi is also the author of the fast-selling Amazon book;  Wi-Fi Kids and Analog Parents, a comprehensive book that equips parents on how to raise well-rounded kids in the digital age.

She shares her story in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I will say yes, my parents did their best to live intentionally and their lives were transparent to us and were both great role models. I wanted to be a modified version of them though not with as many kids, by the way, I’m the first and only girl with three brothers.

I would also my parents lives parented me, I would have loved for them to have been more approachable early on in my life because there are some experiences you would have loved to share as a young girl growing up, but typical Nigerian parents then weren’t that approachable, the fear of some many other things wouldn’t allow that, lol. But they never lived a lie, so I grew up using their lives as a guide, which I usually encourage parents to do. If you cannot do so much, just be a good example because your kids can see through you and learn just to be like you as many parents don’t practice what they preach and that’s where you start to lose your kids.

Inspiration behind Mummyclinicc

Mummyclinicc was founded to empower mums on how to overcome day-to-day mummy challenges by providing them with quick hacks and solutions, achieve work and life success, and improve their well-being and state of mental health while they raise well-rounded children in this digital age.

Let me share a background story of what prepared me for mummyclinicc.

After marriage, I sat down one day and analyzed what kind of mum I wanted to be. I wanted to be that mum that enjoyed her life and work while raising my kids. But the narrative around me didn’t reflect what I desired. The narrative I saw was that as a mum you will experience sleepless nights, it’s overwhelming, tiring, and exhausting,  it’s either you choose your career or your children, and it’s not fun and fulfilling asides having these babies. I didn’t want my life to be all these. I  know being a mum is very challenging but I said to myself since I  can’t avoid it so why not look for easier ways to overcome these challenges and enjoy the journey, I started to seek knowledge and read books to find solutions. I wanted to change this narrative so that I can enjoy this journey despite the challenges. So I became deliberate from day one when I got pregnant with my first. And that was the beginning of being an intentional mum, I didn’t leave things to chance except pray for God’s guidance and blessings on my effort as I knew God wouldn’t come down to do my job. Then the digital age came, joined Instagram in 2016 and I saw many mums struggling and unhappy with the journey of motherhood, I remember always seeing posts of mums struggling with getting their kids  to go to bed early, sleeping through the night and potty training and I always told myself, this shouldn’t be a problem any mum should be facing, I can help  but didn’t know how

I will have sleepless nights many times thinking why will these mums be going through all this when solutions exist but I am a very private person and thinking of how I will cope with social media which can still be a struggle times though.

Then my late dad’s funeral will play again in my head, Temitope, if you die today, what value will you have added to mankind? So I decided to finally take a plunge and live my dreams because I knew I was called to help working mothers. I knew it was time to overcome my fears and start to fulfil my dreams of helping more mums than those around me and adding more value to humanity.

I knew 80% of our problems are solved as mums if raising our kids gives us some form of peace and joy.

I’m always unhappy and troubled when I see or hear other mums unhappy and overwhelmed because this was what I wanted to avoid as a mum and I know they can also achieve it if they allow me to help them. This was how Mummyclinicc was birth. Taking mums from exhausted/overwhelmed to enjoyment despite our challenges.

Being  Nigeria’s first certified child sleep consultant

We have been able to sleep train over 700 children in our sleep school and it’s amazing how you see the lifestyle of mums transform and become productive when their child’s sleep habits and sleep is improved. We’ve witnessed improved bonding between husbands and wives as they get more time to spend with each other as soon as the kids are in bed and not witnessing any interruption in their beds through the night too. We have had testimonies of children feeding better, behaving calmer, becoming healthier and doing better at school due to improved sleep lifestyle and so many more.

I’ve heard some mums say why to hire a sleep consultant, our parents didn’t sleep-train us until I explain to them that life sleep-trained us. Imagine our lives without the internet, youtube, 24-7 Tv programs, phones, tabs, and generators. Everyone including our parents went to bed early by 10 pm after the news and we kids after dinner, so we were able to enjoy the benefits of sleep. But imagine our lives now and the benefits of sleep and our physiological body system are still required, our bodies are still the same and don’t understand the Internet age but we are depriving it of the benefits. Even as adults, inadequate sleep is leading to many illnesses now and it’s during consolidated adequate sleep that our brain cells are repaired and our children’s growth hormones are developed.

Leaving the banking industry to pitch my tent as a Child sleep and potty training advocate

I left the banking industry after having my first child to give me more time to be hands-on with him and I didn’t have a lot of support around me at that time as my mum wasn’t in the country. I also wanted a career as a business consultant because that was my desire after graduating from school which I am today which I combine with Mummyclinicc. I became a Child sleep and potty training consultant solely out of a passion to help other mums. I just want every other working mum out there to enjoy motherhood while achieving their dreams and raising well-rounded children. That this is doable.

Work-life balance of being a certified Potty Training Consultant, Child Psychologist, Wife  and Mom

I have immense support from my husband, my children and my mum, they’ve been a great help. And there is something I never fail to do, asking for help, even if it will cost me.

Being Intentional with my life has also helped, me plan my day. I guard the use of my time jealousy as I know time is life. I also started to involve and integrate my kids at a very young age with house chores and my work, so that helped as well. I refuel regularly by taking care of myself and doing what I enjoy doing I ditched perfectionism. Nothing like a perfect mum or wife, I just work at being the best for my family.

Finally, I prioritize. I focus on what’s important each time, so I’m able to give my best to whatever I choose to focus on.

Other projects and activities

Asides from our sleep and potty training services, as a child psychologist I also help mums through our classes and mummy coaching programs on building trust with their children, getting kids to listen and cooperate with them, sex education for kids, confidence and positive personality building for lifelong success and other challenges mum face.

Challenges of Being a Social Entrepreneur

Poor Internet  Services in our country are a major for me because we work with mums across the world, and poor internet connection makes it more frustrating in helping as many mums as we will love to help as our platform is majorly using the online space to reach out.

Collaborating with people and organizations can be a herculean task also in our Country especially pitching our services to organizations to help women employees become more productive.

Lack of funds to expand is also a major challenge. We don’t want to only help mums that can afford our services or be able to access the free resources we give daily on our platform only

Potty Training Nuggets

The first thing about potty training is education. We advise mums to educate themselves before getting started. Many times we just want to jump into potty training, get potty and tell the child to sit on it. That is why many children wouldn’t cooperate so easily with us on the first try.

Secondly, the type of potty matters, imagine sitting on a toilet that is too low, high or the toilet bowl is too wide for your bum, you wouldn’t be comfortable and enjoy the process of using it, likewise with children, comfort matters especially something you’re weaning them into, if not it becomes a stressful process for you and your child.

My fast-selling book Wi-Fi Kids and why it’s a must-have for every parent

It’s a must-have because it addresses the changes in the dynamics of parenting in this age compared to ours and how to handle those changes, it provides a much-needed guide for raising children in the digital age. It is so all-encompassing and it highlights the pros and cons of the digital age, sex education for kids, understanding and communicating with children in the digital age, and constructing boundaries, among other salient issues bordering on parenting in the digital age. We need to understand what our digital children require from us to allow them to thrive and navigate successfully at this age.

I use this analogy, our parents were trained with walls, and our walls were our churches, schools, mosques and family. We believed everything we were told because there was no other source of information. Imagine our mothers telling us then that if a man touches us, we will get pregnant and we believed, even a 2year old in this digital age will say, Mum, why are you lying, it’s impossible. We should understand that we are raising our children now with no walls, if you lie to them, google is now everyone’s new friend. Learning and information are not limited to what we were limited with, so you will agree with me that the tactics that are used to find battles in a place with walls/restriction are different from a place with no walls, no walls means more danger, confusing to navigate and porous to attack. Parenting Strategy has to be different, which is why my book is a must-have for every parent at this age, nothing to do with you being techy, it’s a mindset shift!

To Moms who are finding it hard to get the necessary support and resources, they need to train their children.

Honestly, not every mum will get desired support from families and friends, but thank God for the online space, support and resources that now exist compared to when I was having kids.

If you can’t get free help, if you can afford to pay for help and support, please do. I did and I’m still doing so I’m not a fan of giving excuses, whining and blaming my circumstance for not having the support I desire.

Trying to figure things out in this digital age is becoming more costly than the cost of seeking help from people. I remembered when we were growing up, it took a village to raise us, our parents will go to their friends, neighbours, pastors and school for help and support, but at this age, everyone is keeping their problems to themselves, you don’t want people to know your challenges before they spread it around (which can be understandable because there is a trust issue in this age) but it still doesn’t take away the fact that you need to seek help when needed because we can’t do this alone, and that is why if you can’t get it free please seek professional help on time before its too late, everything happens so fast in this age.

Government  and  the child health sector

I believe they should have improved medical child-friendly facilities for children as parents will be more comfortable in taking their children to the hospitals without self-medicating which usually leads to more complications. Then if they can make access to medical facilities free for children, it will reduce child mortality rates as parents will take their kids quicker for treatments rather than self-medicating or figuring it out instead of waiting till the last minute and health deteriorated.

Challenges Mum faces

 I would say one of the major challenges is having to get their children to listen and cooperate with them without having to shout, spank or nag them and knowing appropriate ways to discipline and set boundaries with the peculiarities of the digital age.

Dear Mums….

Dear mum, There is nothing like this how things are when you become a mum, you must have sleepless nights,  shout, nag, be overwhelmed, and give up something for something. Times have changed and help is here, Solutions exist. Please reach out for help, no mum deserve to suffer in silence.

You deserve to live the best version of yourself while raising the best version of your children. Remember you can’t give what you don’t have and your kids will most likely be like you or a  better version of you. The question is what version of you are your kids seeing and learning from?

At mummyclinicc, we provide quick proven solutions to all your worrisome mummy headaches,  while you achieve work & life success to live a healthier life and improve your well-being and state of mental health while you raise the best version of your child in this age and enjoy your mummy life.

We can be reached through our website www.mummyclinicc.com and our Instagram page @mummyclinicc.

 

 

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Things That Make A Woman Threatening To Other Women
In self development By

7 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T GIVE UP

I just can’t do it anymore!” ,

“I am tired of life”

We have all said it at least once in our life, at least I have, but before you throw in the towel and give up totally why don’t I encourage you huh? You need to tell yourself these 8 things to give yourself the last ounce of motivation you need to accomplish the impossible:

1.     Take a break

Oh dear Lord, I do this all the time, I did last week as a matter of fact. I was overwhelmed with everyhting around me, so I deleted my Facebook and removed my account from my multi-Instagram account for my sanity. Here is what you can also try; Get up, stretch and take a brief walk. Even taking a few minutes away from a stressful situation can help you come back with a fresh mind and determination to tackle your difficult task.

2.     I’m doing this for a reason

Remember why you started. Maybe you picked up a second job to provide for your family. No matter the task, remind yourself why you need to follow through. Remembering the purpose behind your daunting load can give you the motivation to carry on. Keep a “Grateful Journal” too, it helps you appreciate your journey.

3. Ask for help

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of humility. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed, especially from your friends or Inner circe. The people who love you want to help you any way they can.

4. Gratitude

List at least five things you’re grateful for, starting with life itself. It can be tough to come up with things you’re thankful for when you feel like the world is crumbling, but take a moment to focus on the good in your life.

5. Let go of Negativity!

Give up things that are holding you back – negative thoughts about yourself, frustration, worry or whatever else. You will find it’s easier to focus when worrisome thoughts are pushed out of your mind.

6. Yes I can !

Whatever your challenge may be, you’ve got this. You’ve done hard things before and you can do it again. Assume your Wonder Woman pose and conquer your responsibilities like the super hero you are.

7. Focus on one thing at a Time

Break your large project into smaller tasks to make it easier to accomplish. For example, if your goal is to have a clean home, focus on one room at a time. Looking at the project as a whole can be overwhelming and leave you stressed and unmotivated to continue. Tackle one thing at a time, and you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish.

Kindly like, follow and drop your comments, or perhaps add your recommendations too.

Esther Ijewere

Follow me on my social media accounts for more Inspiring contents

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

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Afraid of commitment
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4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS WITH HIM

Sometimes the line between like and love can be hard to distinguish. We’ve all been in that one relationship with a guy where all the pieces fit together perfectly.

He was charming and smart and funny and sweet and you get along like gangbusters. But in spite of all of this, there was a little voice in your head wondering…

“Would we be better off just as friends?”

Let’s get one thing straight right now: There is nothing WRONG with friendship.

Friendship is dope as hell and really rewarding for the people in it. How can you tell if he’s a perfect boyfriend or better off as your bud? There are lots of different signs, but we’ve pulled together the big ones to help you out.

Here are 4 signs you and your boyfriend are better of just as best friends

1.You can’t imagine a future together

You’ve been dating exclusively for a little while now. So it’s natural you stop to think about the future.

Not so natural?

Maybe you just can’t picture it. Or you don’t like what you see. You like him a lot, maybe you even love him, but when you think about making a life with him in it you draw a blank.

2. You love him but not that way.

When your friends talk about how much they love their boyfriends you get worried. Sure, you LOVE your boyfriend, but you aren’t on cloud nine or anything.

He’s a great guy, you take care of each other, you’ve got a lot of common interests. But it doesn’t seem like the storybook love affair true love is supposed to be. That’s because it isn’t … it’s true friendship.

3. You hate living with him.

You guys have been living together for a while and… You can’t stand it. It’s not that you each have quirks and need to get used to each other. It’s that you aren’t compatible as living partners romantically. You’d be better off as buddies, hell, even as roommates.

4. You want to open the relationship up.

Your relationship is going just okay. You have sex, and it’s also just okay. You don’t want to break up because it feels like there’s no real reason to. But you want to open up the relationship so that you can meet new people. Boredom and dissatisfaction in your relationship is not a sign you should open things up.

It’s a sign you’re dating a friend and not a lover.

Kindly like, follow and drop your comments, I will love to hear from you *winks*

Follow me on my social media accounts for more Inspiring contents

Instagram: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/estherijewere/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/esther.ijewere

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4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A PEOPLE PLEASER

Do you find it hard to say No?

Do you obsess about what others think of you?

Do you seek validation for everything and from everyone?

Do you feel sad when you disappoint others even at the detriment of your mental health?

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser and this article is just for you.

Incase you ask how I know these things, It’s because I was a people pleaser (Still recovery though lol) for the longest time till I worked on myself and focused on the rule of “Self before others”.

Here are 3 common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You feel sad When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true. Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

3. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries like my old self . You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth. Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

4. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you? Oh dear, this was me for many years, oops!

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have diverse opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

Also, If you sometimes feel resentful towards others and you don’t know why….

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

By Esther Ijewere

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Fake love
In self development By

11 WAYS TO BE A MORE LOVING PARTNER

“Are you in a relationship presently and you are trying to figure out how to love your partner more?”

“Are you about to go into one and need to know how to love your partner right ?”

This article is for you!

Read on and learn some of the doable ways in which you can learn how to love — become more loving, win your partner back, and enjoy a satisfying relationship. Once you know what genuine love looks like, it will be easy to implement.

Most people mistakenly think that love is a feeling. Here’s the thing, they have it all wrong.

In order to be more loving, you have to understand what love truly is. It’s not just a feeling. It’s a Commitment. It’s an Action. It’s a Decision..

It’s understandable why we’re confused about love. The movie industry has put a spell on us. They have us believe that two people can fall in love.

True, genuine love begins after the spell wears out, after the honeymoon ends and real life begins.

Are you ready to become a more loving partner? You look ready to me. Let’s go!

1. Commit to Your Relationship

Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability. Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.

If you have that commitment, read on.

 

2. Invest Time

The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take. One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.

If you want to become more loving, find time every day to connect with your loved one. You can do this with a text, a phone call, or a lunch date. Be creative.

 

3. Communicate Your Love

There are countless and effective ways to do this. Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand.

As a writer, one of my favorite guidelines is, show, don’t just tell. By doing this, the writer provokes a reaction from their readers, helps them feel the emotion the character is feeling. This works in real life as well.

Take an action, however small, that SHOWS your partner you love them.

4. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does

One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it.

Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million little things that keep a home going, and it’s easy to forget that someone is doing it. Acknowledge it.

 

5. Be Supportive

In what ways can you be supportive to your partner? Maybe it’s supporting a hobby they have, or wishing them a fun girl’s day out, or being there for every music recital, etc. When you’re supportive, your partner will feel like they can’t fail. It will provide the encouragement they need to keep going and have fun at the same time.

6. Provide Space

Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.

Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family is important. You don’t have to be by their side 24/7.

“We all need time to explore, reflect, and express ourselves individually.”

Create a space for your partner so that they can express their creativity. Let them be them without you. Remember, they were someone long before you came along.

7. Avoid Put Downs

Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.

For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!”

What are you trying to accomplish? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having a constructive discussion. It actually sounds like a war in progress.

We have enough strife in the world. Don’t allow it to infiltrate your home. Speak with respect. Let love be the motivator, not pettiness.

8. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.

Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take. Willingness to compromise can go a long way in creating happiness and feelings of well-being in the relationship.

9. Listen

You might think you’re listening, but next time your partner is talking, pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are you really listening? Are you formulating your answer? Have you tuned out? True listening requires a great deal of effort, but it is a gift to the person who is feeling heard.

When you truly listen, the other person feels valued, important, like they matter. And isn’t that a gift you want to give your partner? It doesn’t cost a thing, but the dividends are priceless. True listening is the encapsulation of love.

Try this exercise, ask your partner a question, then really listen. Don’t get discouraged if your mind wanders for a spell, bring it back and re-focus. Your partner will sense your attentiveness and be ever so grateful.

10. Drop Old Issues

It might sound crazy to bring up past issues and hurts while in an argument, but couples do it all the time. There is no reason to bring up the past. Ask yourself: “What’s the point? What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to fix the problem or make it worse?” Old issues have no place in the present. Let them go. Concentrate on the here and now.

The bottom line is: make your relationship stronger, not weaken it.

11. Learn to say “Sorry” and mean it

People make mistakes. It’s good to apologize. Not just a fake apology, but a true, heart-felt apology. Apologies go a long way to repair a broken relationship. If you are in the wrong, say it. Mean it. Make sure the person understands that you are making amends.

You are not going to come off as weak if you say you’re sorry. Not only will you validate your partner’s feelings, you’ll gain respect. More than likely, your partner will say something like, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that.” Make amends when you need to. Your partner will look at you with the loving eyes you crave.

Final Thoughts

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Being loving is the most amazing gift you can give. All the heart flutters, the butterflies in the belly, and the buckling knees, can’t replace genuine loving acts.

Don’t allow your relationship to be fed by simply stringing a set of words together. It takes a great deal more than that. It takes a Commitment, an Action, and a Decision. Done over and over again.

You have everything you need right here. It’s the start you need to make it to the finish line of your relationship. If your relationship has suffered an injury, implement the above tips for a week, a month. See what happens.

  • Esther Ijewere
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YEWANDE JINADU: 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW WHEN NEGOTIATING A NEW SALARY

Salary is very important in the life of an employee. In fact, that is the reason why people leave their houses every day to go to work. A lot of people have made mistakes in the area of negotiation, and I can totally relate with it. This is for those thinking of making the next move in their career, but don’t want to later regret their salary due to lack of information.

Know the difference between Net Pay and Gross Pay and ensure you negotiate based on Net pay
Gross pay is the total amount an employer pays to an employee. Gross pay includes the breakdown of what an employee is entitled to, and it is from the gross pay that deductions are made, while net pay, which is also known as take-home pay, is the amount you receive after all the deductions, like tax, pension, etc., have been made. It is preferable to state your salary expectation in terms of net pay because you may not know the basis for which deductions are made in the new company. When you negotiate on net, it ensures that you’re not on the losing end, and the HR will do some calculations before making you an offer, which will be more than what you negotiated. This is to leave room for deductions. E.g., your letter may carry ₦150,000 as pay, but by the time you receive your first alert, you will be getting ₦120,000.

Ask about other benefits that the company offers during negotiation
Some companies have variable pay, based on certain conditions like the performance of the individual or the company. Some benefits may be in kind and not be cash; this should be noted when you want to mentally calculate your pay. What I’m trying to say is that do not reject an offer because it doesn’t really meet your expectation; find out if they have other perks, which can be considered. Also, if you’re coming from a place that has a lot of office perks, don’t take an offer just because it pays higher. E.g. if you’re coming from a place that pays for membership of professional bodies as well as subscriptions, car, performance bonus, higher HMO package, etc.

It’s best you put a cost to the benefits you were enjoying before, and ask if it exists or it would be more, then weigh your options.

Do your own research
You may think you have gotten a good offer, but when you get in, you may eventually get disgruntled when you realise that your colleagues who have the same job description with you earn far above what you accepted. Jobberman, Payscale and Glassdoor will help give you insights on relevant data. If you can make calls to people in the industry who will have an idea of the range, it would be helpful (not necessarily the exact figure, though). Some people on Nairaland sometimes disclose pay for some role, so please dig well.

Be open to negotiation
I always advice to mention something higher than what you expect, then tell them you are open to negotiation. E.g., you earn ₦150,000 and the minimum you can take before considering an offer is ₦220,00. It’s best you say ₦280,000 then tell the recruiter it’s negotiable. This way, they don’t start negotiating from ₦220,000.

Negotiate based on what works best for you
I’ve realized that different things matter to different people at various points in their lives. This guides their decision to take an offer or reject it. E.g., I have a friend that a premium HMO is what mattered most to him (at that point in his life) because his wife needed it. To someone else, he was stupid for taking that pay, but he negotiated an HMO package that saved him millions for the birth of his child. For some people, proximity is more important, for some it’s staff bus and canteen. Whatever your own case may be, identify it and negotiate with that.

Don’t be pressured unnecessarily. Negotiate with confidence, because you know the value you will be contributing to the organisation. Don’t be scared to have that conversation when it’s time.

I sincerely wish you the best in your career. Don’t forget to join our next Twitter Mentoring Session on the 22nd of June by 2pm by following @careerlifeng on Twitter.

About Yewande

Yewande Jinadu is the Founder of CareerLife Nigeria(www.careerlife.com.ng), a Certified HR Professional and an Employability coach. CareerLife Nigeria is a social initiative aimed at reducing unemployment by providing people with the right career related information and Coaching.Yewande is passionate about People Development, Employability and Career Coaching. Through personal coaching, published articles and speaking engagements, she has helped hundreds of young professionals become more employable and gain employment.You can reach out to her by sending a mail to: info@careerlife.com.ng and follow her on Twitter and Instagram: @careerlifeng

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MEET THE REAL ESTATE INVESTOR WHO OWNS 18 PROPERTIES AT 26-YEARS-OLD

Homeownership is a secure way to build wealth. For many Americans, homeownership is an instrumental way of creating generational wealth for their families. For Jamisa McIvor-Bennett, founder and CEO of Rosebud’s Investments, her introduction to ownership began with a conversation with her grandmother, which ultimately led her to become a real estate investor at the age of 19.

After a conversation with her guardian about being next in kin to own and manage the family home, Mclvor-Bennett was added to the deed. Months later, her grandmother passed away unexpectedly.

“I took what she said to heart…to be responsible and to help my family because this [family home] is all we had. That kept replaying in my mind over and over again,” says Mclvor-Bennett.

At that time, she worked as a cashier and could not afford home renovations on her own, so she had to make an executive decision.

“In the back of my mind, I kept hearing my grandmother say, ‘this is all we have’, and one day I asked my myself, ‘why is this all we have?’” and that question led to her selling the house for $152,000. After doing research of her own and speaking with financial advisers, Mclvor-Bennett decided that investing her earnings into real estate would be the best way to never have to work for someone else again.

BUILDING WEALTH REQUIRES A MILLIONAIRE MINDSET 

Mclvor-Bennett’s humble beginnings taught her how to be conservative with money and wise in her dealings.

“During that journey, I ran into a guy who was a real estate investor. That was my first time making the differentiation between an investor and a little estate agent,” says Mclvor-Bennett.

Under the tutelage of her mentor’s guidance, she went on to purchase her first home for $6,500 in cash. And she didn’t stop there.

Now 26, McIvor-Bennett is the owner of 18 properties throughout Pennsylvania—and she only has one mortgage. In addition to owning and investing in properties, she also teaches others looking to generate more income and learn the ins and outs about real estate and real estate investing.

Her company, Rosebud’s Investments, caters to people interested in real estate investment but unsure of where and how to get started. The company offers individualized services in investor processes, for both new and seasoned investors who are looking to enhance their knowledge and expertise. Beginning with their individualized investment call, new clients work with a member of the Rosebud’s Investments team to create a blueprint for purchasing property without using credit.

KNOWLEDGE AND MENTORSHIP ARE KEY

Like many business owners and investors, Mclvor-Bennett has been met with challenges. After purchasing nine properties, she began to hit a wall.

“I was down to $15,000 and some of my properties needed to be rehabbed. I wasn’t educated on the loan process. And keep in mind, I didn’t even have credit cards. These are all things that I had to pretty much learn as I went along. But I do remember playing monopoly as a child—so, I decided I was going to sell a house.”

After selling a few of her properties, she learned more about the business through that process. As a first-generation real estate investor and entrepreneur, Mclvor-Bennett knew that she had to seek the formal training to educate herself so that she could grow her business after buying her properties in cash.

“It was helpful to me to learn the terminology and more about contracts.”

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