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Women of Rubies

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Esther Ijewere

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“Do you know saying the right things to your man could make him love you more”

“Do you know a man respects you more when you say the things he loves to hear”

A Selfless partner should know how to comfort their men with subtle, kind, positive and inspiring words.

If you want to learn how to speak to your partners, then this piece is for you.

Here are 9 things every man loves to hear;

1. “I LOVE YOU!”

Even the toughest man will melt a bit when his partner professes their love for him. They love hearing we love them. Also, they like hugs, kisses and cuddling too. Even a nicely-worded email or text message will work.

2. “YOU’RE THE BEST (DAD/HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/ETC.)!”

It’s less of an ego-boost as it is a verbalization of respect. It’s a testament to both our efforts and our priorities – which are the woman and her well-being.

3. “I APPRECIATE YOU AS A MAN!”

As stated, men need to feel like men.. It has everything to do with knowing that their partner appreciates something about their character (honesty, integrity, selflessness, etc.) or something else.

4. “I RESPECT YOU!”

As men age, They have less of a need to be recognized for selfish reasons . This feeling is replaced by the need to feel respected out of love. They love feeling admired and respected from the people who love and care about them!

5. “I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO.”

Men need to feel like they are good providers for the people they love. If they believe anything less, they don’t perceive themselves as the man they should be. As such, when they are told that you’re thankful for their hard work, effort, and for providing, it means a tremendous deal to them.

6. “YOU LOOK GREAT!”

This one’s a no-brainer, right? After spending a significant amount in a relationship, they still love hearing that our partner finds them attractive. This is particularly the case if they’ve been putting in some time at the gym. Your compliments serve as a reward for their hard work and as motivation to keep them going.

7. “I TRUST YOU.”

There are fewer things more sacred than trusting someone with your life. When you’re in a relationship, this is an essential truth. Here’s a bit of advice from Georgianna Donadio, Ph.D., “The best time to share your feelings (is) just before or during close intimacy. At that time, levels of oxytocin, a hormone that enhances feelings of trust, love and intimacy, are elevated, making it the best moment to love talk with your partner.”

 8. “I’M LISTENING.”

Men and women communicate very differently. For example, in an argument, a woman is usually more willing to sit down and have a dialogue. The man often feels an inclination to seek solitude to think things over or distract himself. They do love hearing “I’m listening” or “I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to talk” in any case.

9. “THANK YOU.”

Similar to women, men appreciate recognition for efforts small and little. “Thank you” is a straightforward yet powerful phrase that shows them your appreciation for what they do. (Here’s a tip, ladies: if you say “Thank you” on a regular basis for something they do, they are much more likely to do it again.) …Take this from a “Lovina” *winks*

– Esther Ijewere™

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At age 18 Oluwakemi Oguntimehin was depressed and got tired of the stigma she faced due to her sickle cell disorder.

She thought she wouldn’t’ live   more than 20 years and saw no reason to wait till then, Kemi attempted suicide twice, got saved and realized she was Indeed  created for a purpose. In her pursuit of purpose and passion to help other  sickle cell warriors she founded Ignite Sickle Cell Initiative.

Oluwakemi Oguntimehin is a sickle cell warrior, a sickle cell advocate, an entrepreneur and change agent. She is giving hope in a not so hopeful society and lending her voice to the voiceless. Kemi shares her very touching and inspiring story with me in this interview.

In her words “Never allow the stigma and discrimination you face to affect your mental health. Accept yourself for who you are, focus on yourself, invest in your personal development ,self care, health , dream and vision”.

Childhood

Growing with sickle cell is not fun,  I was always restricted for fear of being sick, despite that I was mostly sick.  Not knowing what is wrong with me, with hospital turning to my second home, having to take blood transfusion every now and then. While thinking about all these , trying to know what is wrong with my body, since I don’t know about sickle  cell, nobody told me anything not even the Doctor, until I heard my teachers and classmates called me sicklier and treated me differently. On the other side are Pastors who will always come to pray for me in the hospital with revelations that I was a witch, some of this pastor said , I belong to a strong marine spirit group ,other labeled me as Agbana(money sucker) basically saying that I was sent to waste my fathers money on purpose and would only die after I have succeeded in turning him to a poor man.

The stigma and discrimination were every where from  teachers to classmates, to nurses, to  doctors who told my parent to forget me and focus on the other children because I might not live past 18 or 20 years at maximum.

As a young child who just  want to be normal, not restricted, not always using drugs, yet constantly  tongue lash by people to others  calling me witch, who see me as the cause of my problem is something that was beyond me.  Thinking about it now, if only the right information was out there, I think my growing up would have be more easier. To help children living with sickle cell have an easier childhood is the reason I decided to break the silence on sickle cell through the right information. I believe without a rough childhood I might not be passionate about sickle cell awareness. So my growing prepares me for what I do now.

Inspiration behind Ignite Sickle Cell Initiative

The ignorance surrounding sickle cell disorder even among some medical personnel is heart breaking.

Not to talk about the stigma and discrimination people living with sickle cell faced in the society. I see it as  people living with sickle cell are the one who received the blame , the torture of our parents mistake.  Despite the pain and what we passed through, the society still blamed us , some children has been abandoned, some parents refuse to send their children to school because of false beliefs.

I believe people love to learn from other people experience. Using my life and experience to teach people belief on sickle cell will go a long way . No child deserve to be treated badly just because she/he has a genetic disorder. All these inspire me to start Ignite Sickle cell Initiative.

Overcoming Depression

I have been showing symptoms of depression but people don’t care about mental health here. But at age 18, I was greatly depressed.

I was exposed to bullying, stigmatization  and discrimination from child hood friends through my adolescent age. At a point in time, I don’t bother about it again, but getting to university, the bully and discrimination got worse. People were mean to me on purpose, I was treated like I was not human. Imagine you are feeling alone even in the midst of thousand students. From class to hostel. Everyday, I heard people saying it to my face that they pity my parents  who  just wanted to waste their money according to their belief, I would be dead before graduation. Hearing that every day from different  people  add salt to the injury . People seeing me like I was not human, not talking to me, believing I’m less than someone they can talk to or some said my appearance disgust them. I lost all hope and was determined to end my life.  I had two failed suicide attempt and thinking about it now. I’m grateful it failed then. There is more to life beyond the stigma.

Reception since I started my Organization

The reception has been great now, it has improved greatly. Though there is still so much to do but people are learning everyday and the more aware they are, the more the reception they give. We still have a long way to go but It can only get better.

Challenges people living with sickle cell face

The challenges people living with sickle includes, frequent painful crisis that can happen anytime,

Complications from anaemia, to Avascular necrosis that can make some people to be on wheel chair or bedridden, stroke, organs damage and so many more. Apart from the health challenges, there is also stigma and discrimination, where many are denied job opportunity just because they live with sickle cell.  Some are even fired because they are often sick.

Also due to the nature of the disorder, a lot of money are require for sickle cell management  with a lot of people not working and even those who work has to spend majority of their money on drugs and hospital bill. With the current situation of our economy and health, where we have to pay for everything and every services, a lot of parents can’t afford the management,  some are in debt, while some parents neglected some children believing it is better they die.

Other Projects

Other projects includes organizing rural community outreach to educate the communities dwellers and also conduct free genotype test for children ( 0 to 10 years ). One thing is early intervention in sickle cell is needed to reduce high mortality in children living with sickle cell through our Be-Aware campaign.

We also have project X- Campaign where we create awareness in school  both secondary schools and higher institution.

We also give out free routine drugs to people living with sickle cell in monthly basis which we call our “Wellness Clinic”

Apart from Ignite Sickle cell ,  other project is to help people to be confidence in who they are, using their story to change  narrative.  When we are constantly bullied, it affects our self esteem As someone who has  battled low self esteem.  I know the importance of having  a great self esteem. Though a lot of people living with sickle cell battles with low self- esteem though this problem is not peculiar to only  people living with sickle cell. It affect majority of woman and  men too.  To help others who has low self esteem, I have written a book  ,  is will be  available in eBook  as from next month which means distant is never a barrier to get as long as you are on the internet. The book is to help a lot of  people build their self esteem and Become Unstoppable in achieving their goals and vision.

The role the society Play

The reception towards people living with sickle cell in the society is low, unacceptance in terms of marriage, some parents will never allow their son to marry  someone living with sickle cell. Some men think they are doing you a favor by dating you and use that as means to abuse.

People still believe women living with sickle cell can’t give birth and some believe living with sickle cell makes you a lesser woman thus making some women living with sickle cell to hide their truth. They will rather do what they can’t do just to hide the fact that they live with sickle cell.

I think things are getting better though and will always get better.

Challenges of being a Social Entrepreneur

The major challenge is funding. Getting funding from individual and corporate sponsors is not very easy.

In Nigeria , so many people believe you must be rich to be a social entrepreneur and with this mentality, people want you to pay high prices for some things, some even believe the government or some big politicians are the one funding you.  Volunteering is just becoming a thing now and many people want to be paid for volunteering their time because to them you are rich and wealthy.

As a social entrepreneur, I often encounter people who belief sickle cell is not an issue and advise me to change my course to HIV or something else. Some people also think I’m too small to start a social enterprise.

Impact of my work

Average of 100 children has being receiving free routine drugs every month, Our community medical outreaches has reach 6 rural communities  which has impacted over 6,000 individuals directly, Awareness in secondary and higher institutions reaching over 2000 people, 20 people hospital bills has been paid  and Online awareness reaching thousands of people

Being a Woman of Rubies

My impact to change the norms around sickle cell also helping people to be confident in who they are using their story to impact lives makes me a woman of rubies.

To my Parents and those who stood by me through thick and thin

I want to use this medium to appreciate my parents, who never abandon me and believe in me despite everything people said to them. I remembered people told my dad that he shouldn’t bother sending me to University, but they believe I’m a gift to them.

Also I will like to appreciate Chief  Bisi Ogunjobi for his unending support. I remember when we needed a place for our monthly clinic, not only did he give us a building but also furnished it. Thank you for supporting all our outreaches and our monthly clinic every time.

To women living with sickle cell

To women living with sickle cell, Never allow the stigma and discrimination you face to affect your mental health. Accept yourself for who you are, focus on yourself, invest in your personal development ,self care, health , dream and vision. Enjoy life.  Your pain and scars are the evidence that you are a survivor and a warrior.  Believe in yourself that you can achieve anything despite the pain because I believe in you. If I can do it, then you can do it.

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you feel a guy likes you but he is afraid to say it”? This article is just for you!

Some men are shy like that, they will do everything and anything to please you, while acting like you are just a friend. Lol.

The dating scene is tough to navigate. It’s especially difficult when you have to try to read someone and figure out whether they actually like you or not. The fact that lots of people can be cripplingly shy about their attraction definitely doesn’t help matters!

Luckily, no matter how cautious someone is, they’re sure to let slip a few tell-tale signs that indicate their interest. Though they can differ from person to person, for the most part, they’re pretty reliable!

1.   He Jokes about liking you!

It’s not unusual for someone to fear rejection. In fact, it’s very natural. As such, a man who is afraid you aren’t interested and will turn him down may try to test the waters and gauge your reaction to a suggestion that he might like you. He may do this by making jokes about:

Having a crush on you

Going out on a date with you

Calling you his girlfriend or boyfriend

Doing something romantic together

The reason he may tell these jokes is so that if your reaction to them is not positive, he can just laugh it off and play it like a harmless, innocent joke, avoiding awkwardness and saving face.

Depending on whether you want this guy to like you or not, tailor your reactions to be clear and concise so he understands them. React negatively if you’re not interested, and positively if you are. Usually, all you have to do in this scenario if you want him to ask you out is to just react well, and after a few of these jokes, he’ll make the leap and say them for real.

2.   His body language

Body language speaks much louder than verbal language in many cases. That’s why communication, on the whole, is just as much about nonverbal language as it is about the words you say.

There are a number of ways that body language can be one of the biggest signs a man likes you. To begin with, pupil dilation is a very quick and easy way to see if someone likes you, or at least likes your appearance. Pupils dilate when they see something pleasing, after all.

Here are a bunch of other body language signs that you can take note of, such as:

An open facial expression (parted lips, slightly flared nostrils, slightly raised eyebrows)

Touching his face while looking at you

Open arms, not crossed

Facing you with his whole body

Leaning in towards you

Fidgeting with hair

A quick eyebrow raise and lower

Smoothing clothing

Playing with buttons

Fiddling or pulling socks

Spread legs when seated and facing you

Standing with legs at hip-width apart, hands on hips

Sitting on the edge of a seat

Standing straight, chest puffed, shoulders back

“Accidental” light touching

Doing big or loud motions to attract your attention

3.   He appears Jealous, even though he hides it

When you like someone and they don’t know about it, it’s easy to get jealous when other people interact with them. The same is true for most men. As such, if you speak to other people who suit your sexual orientation, flirt with them, or spend time with them, you might notice that the man you’re wondering about gets agitated or angry.

Of course, if this man is a good person, they’ll likely not admit their jealousy and won’t let it get out of hand. Jealousy, after all, is not a very positive emotion and can be toxic. But you might still be able to notice his gritted teeth and demeanor changes when he sees you with someone else.

4.   His Friends know who you are

If you hang out with this guy and his friends and they all seem to know about you, then it’s pretty easy to figure out that the man in question has been talking about you to his buddies. This means he’s likely talked about you, his interest in you, or shared some of his thoughts or feelings about you with them.

Think about it – when you’ve got a crush, don’t you tell your close friends, too? Men do the same, and even shy guys are likely to share their attraction to you with those they trust.

5.   You catch him staring

A man infatuated can’t help looking at the person he’s into. He wants to watch everything they do and admires their subtle actions and movements easily. So if you continually catch a man staring, even just quick, subtle glances, there’s a good chance that he’s into you.

Usually, when you meet the eyes of a man staring at you, he’ll quickly avert his gaze and pretend he wasn’t even looking. This is because he’s frightened of being caught, and isn’t ready to reveal his feelings for you yet. He’ll pretend to be busy, quickly glance at his phone or out the window, and basically look like someone putting on a very unconvincing act!

But, if a man lets you see that he’s staring at you, he’s already flirting with you! At that point, it’s on you to either encourage or discourage the interactions to achieve the end-goal you desire.

It’s difficult not to notice when someone’s eyes are tracking you. The human brain is actually capable of feeling an odd sensation when someone’s gaze won’t leave us, alerting us of what’s going on. Use this positive sixth-sense of sorts to determine whether that guy is watching you!

6.   He acts anxious or nervous

If someone is usually confident and smooth but acts nervously around you, then it’s a sign that they feel something special for you. If he’s usually relaxed and laid-back but becomes high-strung and fidgety whenever you’re around, that’s a pretty good indicator that he likes you!

How can you tell if someone is nervous? Here are some common nervous behaviors that he may exhibit:

A cracking, dry voice

Lots of throat-clearing

Fidgeting with any nearby object

Forgetting information

Blushing

Pacing around or swaying from side to side

Shrinking away or “escaping” the situation

Freezing up

7.   He gives you mild compliments

When someone gives you big compliments, they are being open and honest, and likely aren’t trying to hide anything. They aren’t worried about coming on too strong because they might not be coming onto you at all.

But when a man gives you very small, subtle compliments, it’s often because they’re being extra careful. They’re afraid to tell you that they like you and therefore are giving you “safe” compliments that won’t result in awkwardness or embarrassment if you turn them down. Examples include:

You look nice.

You’re a really good listener.

That’s a nice shirt/skirt/dress.

You did well on that project.

It’s fun hanging out with you!

You’re pretty cool.

You’re really good at (insert hobby or talent).

I like what you’ve done with your hair.

8.   He smiles alot around you

When a man feels good around you, he’s more likely to fall for you. Of course, feeling good also means you’re more likely to be in a good mood. So, if a man is feeling warm and fuzzy inside, they’re sure to let it show on their face through generous smiles. It’s a totally natural and positive reaction!

Of course, do note that smiling doesn’t always refer to happiness – but you can’t deny that someone ecstatic to see you will be grinning from ear to ear! A lot of times, a man who likes you but is afraid to say it will try to dampen his smile or make it less obvious so his feelings aren’t found out.

As such, it’s important that you pay attention to how the smiling occurs. Does this guy smile all the time? Is he usually serious, but now has a bit of a grin? Does he look like he’s trying not to smile too much? Take note!

9.   He Somehow Always Manages To Spend Some Time With You

Someone who likes you is going to want to spend time with you. That’s just how it works. After all, being with that person makes you feel good, so it’s only natural to want to increase those feelings.

Of course, we’re not talking about stalking or predatory behavior. We’re referring to the ways that someone will try to see you as often as he can!

If a man likes you but is afraid of showing it, he will find any and every excuse possible to hang out with you. He just happens to be around you a lot, or chooses or be in close quarters with you. He might:

Decide to attend an event because he knows you’re going

Join your table during meals

Seem to have something to say to you often

Stop by your table/desk/place of work often, even if it’s just for a few minutes

Give you his full attention whenever he is around you

“Bump into you” fairly often

There is more…

When someone is trying to hide their feelings, it can be tough to decipher them and figure out whether or not they’re into you. One or two of these 9 signs a man likes you on very rare occasions may not indicate a serious crush, but several of them exhibited often certainly point to that!

What is there to do next? Well, if you aren’t interested, make it clear. But if you are, then why not make the first move? Waiting it out is a fine option, but it’s definitely a slow one, and sometimes you have to learn to take a leap of faith. So get your positive thinking going and just go for it!

Esther Ijewere™©

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It’s hard to make a relationship stronger when your man is often negative. You must recognize the signs that he’s jealous and controlling early on. Don’t invest too much time in a non-productive partnership. If you find that he exhibits behaviors like these ten, you might need to find a new one before valentine :

1. He doesn’t call you, text you, or respond when you’re out with girlfriends.

It’s his way of showing you that he resents the time you spend with others because you’re not with him. If he isn’t happy, then he doesn’t want you to be happy. Like anything else in life that feels overwhelming, the feeling of being ignored when you’re doing something that makes you happy is not acceptable.

2. He won’t admit when he feels jealous, but he will withhold affection.

Sometimes he’ll refuse to be intimate, especially after he started a fight. It feels like he’s making you pay twice for his poor choice of behavior instead of accepting responsibility for his actions. You can tell if he really loves you by the way he looks at you.

3. He often makes excuses for not taking you out.

He doesn’t want you where you’ll attract attention from single men. If there is something he doesn’t want to do with you, then do it alone. Don’t let him hold you back or make you regret not doing things that make you happy. You are the one who decides how to live your best life!

4. He wants to decide the mood for both of you.

He will work hard to adjust any plans to be in control, and he will sabotage things he doesn’t want to do. When he’s feeling up, he expects you to feel the same. When he’s feeling down, he expects you to be miserable. You don’t get to have a say in what you do with your time together because he’s in control.

5. He will take steps to avoid being alone with you.

It’s hard for him to overcome jealousy. The underlying problem could be that you have both gotten into a boring intimacy pattern and he doesn’t want to admit it. You could spice things up and increase both of your libidos by trying something new, like taking tango lessons.

6. If you are in a really good mood, he cuts you down.

Or, he brings up something negative to change your mood. You know that positive thinking, especially daily meditation, will lower your stress levels. Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, he feels better about himself by bringing you down. This is because he suffers from low self-esteem or another personal problem that has nothing to do with your relationship. He is the jealous type, and his insecurities affect many of the days you spend together.

7. He resists your positive influences.

You can pray for him and wish him positive thoughts, but he should fix himself. You want him to overcome jealousy, but he enjoys being miserable. When you suggest taking a walk on the beach together, he says, “No, I’ll just stay home in my boxers and watch UFC. No fun today.”

8. To make you feel jealous, he pays attention to other women.

He often looks at them, flirts with them, and adds them to his Facebook or Snapchat. However, whenever this happens, you aren’t “allowed” to feel jealous. If you try it, he gets livid.

9. He leaves the restaurant if you talk to another guy.

He doesn’t give you a chance to explain that you are reconnecting with a long-lost friend or a college study partner.

10. He makes up details about past boyfriends.

You hate this because he does it in front of friends, colleagues, or members of the family. If he wasn’t insecure, he wouldn’t judge you for the past. A boyfriend who loves you will not use anything you might have shared to embarrass you.

Esther Ijewere™©

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Tacha has definitely been up to a lot since she left the Big Brother Naija house. She has snagged various endorsement deals, established her own clothing line and now she is raising the bar by setting up her own reality show.

It’s a known fact that Tacha managed to captivate our attention during and after BBN and now she has given us the opportunity to get up close and personal with her daily life, by launching her own spinoff reality show which she has called, “Keeping up with Tacha (KUWT).”

According to her, the reality show will feature entertaining mini series and lots more. So our fingers are crossed.

Watch the teaser below:

A mother’s genetics determines how clever her children are, according to researchers, and the father makes no difference.

Women are more likely to transmit intelligence genes to their children because they are carried on the X chromosome and women have two of these, while men only have one.

But in addition to this, scientists now believe genes for advanced cognitive functions which are inherited from the father may be automatically deactivated.

A category of genes known as “conditioned genes” are thought to work only if they come from the mother in some cases and the father in other cases. Intelligence is believed to be among the conditioned genes that have to come from the mother.

Laboratory studies using genetically modified mice found that those with an extra dose of maternal genes developed bigger heads and brains, but had little bodies. Those with an extra dose of paternal genes had small brains and larger bodies.

Researchers identified cells that contained only maternal or paternal genes in six different parts of the mouse brains which controlled different cognitive functions, from eating habits to memory.

Cells with paternal genes accumulated in parts of the limbic system, which is involved in functions such as sex, food and aggression. But researchers did not find any paternal cells in the cerebral cortex, which is where the most advanced cognitive functions take place, such as reasoning, thought, language and planning.

Concerned that people might not be like mice, researchers in Glasgow took a more human approach to exploring intelligence. They found the theories extrapolated from mice studies bear out in reality when they interviewed 12,686 young people between the ages of 14 and 22 every year from 1994. Despite taking into account several factors, from the participants education to their race and socio-economic status, the team still found the best predictor of intelligence was the IQ of the mother.

However, research also makes it clear that genetics are not the only determinant of intelligence – only 40 to 60 per cent of intelligence is estimated to be hereditary, leaving a similar chunk dependent on the environment.

But mothers have also been found to play an extremely significant role in this non-genetic part of intelligence, with some studies suggesting a secure bond between mother and child is intimately tied to intelligence.

Researchers at the University of Washington found that a secure emotional bond between a mother and child is crucial for the growth of some parts of the brain. After analysing the way a group of mothers related to their children for seven years, the researchers found children who were supported emotionally and had their intellectual needs fulfilled had a 10 per cent larger hippocampus at 13 on average than children whose mothers were emotionally distant. The hippocampus is an area of the brain associated with memory, learning and stress response.

A strong bond with the mother is thought to give a child a sense of security which allows them to explore the world, and the confidence to solve problems. In addition, devoted, attentive mothers tend to help children solve problems, further helping them to reach their potential.

Of course, there’s no reason why fathers can’t play as big a nurture role as mothers. And researchers point out that a whole array of other gene determined traits – like intuiton and emotions – which can be inherited from the father are also key to unlocking potential intelligence, so fathers – don’t despair.

Source: Independent UK

One of the biggest challenges of the Girl child in Northern Nigeria, is the way they are mostly objectified or given away in marriage at an early age , thereby making it difficult for most of them to get basic education or even have access to infrastructure that prepares them for the Future.

Jennifer Agunloye is giving these girls hope through her G.I.S.T foundation ( Girls should Thrive), a  Kano based registered NGO focused on raising female leaders from disadvantaged communities through entrepreneurship, education and technology. The  award winning writer and internationally trained civic leader certified by the university of Nebraska, Lincoln is passionate about community development through women empowerment.

She is a Certified leadership coach, who is inspiring youths and raising female leaders from disadvantaged communities across Africa through the Tagit academy.

She’s also the founder of Herfreekan Ventures, a social enterprise set up to empower women financially and Co-founder of Agric-farms enterprise focused on reducing hunger and poverty through agriculture.

She is impacting the lives of the girl child and women through her other initiatives like “March against hunger project”, “Safe Space Program” and Support Her Effort (SHE) , which focuses on supporting women with small businesses hawking in the street in different slums. So far Jennifer has  empowered over 50 girls and reached over 3000 families in Kano state.

She shares her inspiring story with Esther Ijewere in this motivating and eye opening interview, highlighting some of the major problems of the girl child in Northern Nigeria and how she’s amplifying their voice to give them hope.

Childhood Influence

My childhood did Infact prepare me for this even though I didn’t realize it then. I was overweight as a child and that made me grow up with a lot of self esteem issues. Though I was lucky to have encountered the right set of people who saw my potential and nurtured it, I noticed that a lot of girls were growing up with terrible self images for different reasons are were settling for less in life and this was putting them at a disadvantage. This was one of inspiration for going all out with our organization. I also went to school with a lot of girls with amazing potentials but have just refused to dream because of the environment they were growing up. There, women were just considered just good enough to be wives and mothers so any woman with a dream was considered abnormal.

Inspiration behind GIST

I started GiST as an online blog focused on inspiring girls to dream and believe in themselves. But after my university education I returned to the community where I had my secondary school education and I realized that most of the girls were now young mothers of 2 – 3 children with no source of lively hood. The level of poverty and abuse in that community was increasingly in an alarming way and worse the younger girls were headed in the same direction. I knew that if something was not done, the numbers would just continue to sky rocket. So it dawned on me that the people who needed what I was sharing on my online platform were not on the internet. They were on the street and in those villages and undeserved communities. This was what inspired the Girls Should Thrive Initiative to become what it is today.

Combating the demoralization of the Girl child in Kano

Our work is focused on getting the girl child to see herself for who she really is – A beautiful brilliant human that can achieve anything she sets her heart to. We focus on challenging her mindset. Getting her to see herself differently, to believe in herself and make an effort to change her life and not give up no matter what life throws. Simply put, we believe that when these girls allow their potentials to gain expression everyone will have no choice but to reckon with them. This is how we confront the demoralization; getting the girls to see that they deserve better and are capable of more.

Impact of our activities in Northern Nigeria

Through our March against hunger project we’ve been able to enlighten over 3000 families on the importance of Educating their female children.

One of our major success stories is Maman Amira, the mother of a crippled girl who we met living in the street during our March against hunger project. We fixed the roof of her house and empowered her to start up a business. Now Maman Amira has a poultry business which is empowering 6 women through a community-based cooperative and Amira is now in school preparing to sit for her final exams.

Also, through our safe space program we’ve provided in depth leadership and entrepreneurship training to over 1000 girls have so far empowered over 50 girls like Kudirat who has now registered her business and reached over 3000 families.

Challenges of being an Advocate

One of the major challenges I’ve faced is the challenge of keeping the girls coming for our trainings. The girls usually have to be provided with incentives to keep them coming for a while before they realize the value of what they are being given. Since Our organization has operated largely based on donors for individuals and private organizations it has been very difficult to provide those incentives and hence we loose some of our participants along the way and usually have to go back and start afresh with them when next we come for the next batch of training, hoping earnestly that they would follow through till the end.

Our Empowerment programmes

The Support Her Effort (SHE) project was inspired by one of our March against hunger beneficiaries who had given up on her business after facing some challenges but decided to pick it back up after we spoke to them about the importance of entrepreneurship. An elderly woman with the responsibility of training her grand children because their father (her oldest son) is epileptic. She collected some goods on credit and started all over. After I spoke to her I just realized there are many like this woman who are making intense efforts to keep there businesses alive so they can make ends meet. We decided to start supporting such women to encourage them and boost their businesses. The project selects one woman a month and at the end of the year we select the most outstanding one among who has done amazingly well with the investment and give her an even bigger investment. Our goal is to increase the frequency to one woman weekly and take the project to the next level of training this women on how to grow their businesses and select at least 10 women annually to qualify for more funding.

The plight of the Girl Child in Northern Nigeria

Well we’re not where we want to be but we’re definitely not where we used to be. Things have improved significantly to a large extent. I don’t believe girls are being treated as they deserve. A great number of people still see girls as nothing but sex object. They measure her worth by how “sexy” she is or how well she can cook. That’s a huge disrespect to a person created by God Himself with amazing potentials. So honestly we do have a long way to go but like I always say, while we are demanding that society stops obejectifying the female specie, we should all empower these girls to be confident enough to demand for their respect which is what we do at Gist.

If I had the opportunity to share my thoughts about the Girl child with the Kano State Governmen

I’d say you are missing a lot when you don’t empower your girls. There is so much potential buried in those girls that can solve most of the challenges facing the society today but if their potential is not developed, they cannot even try. I must commend the government though. They are beginning to make efforts in that regard and its encouraging but they can do much much more because there isn’t much time. We have to save the next generation from being partakers of the effect of marginalization of girls.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I think what makes me a woman of rubies is my passion. My deep seated passion to see women rise. To see women break barriers, over come limitations and be all they can be. I see it as an honor to be gifted with such drive to contribute to women’s development in my own way and it’s such a blessing to be able to do it in Northern Nigeria. Reading about the qualities that women of rubies should have, I felt so honored to see that I have come to embody some of these qualities over the years through my experiences and God’s grace. It’s such a privilege thinking about it. I don’t take it lightly in any way.

Dear Marginalized Woman

My final word of Marginalized women is this: it won’t always be like this. A time is coming when you will be everything you dream you’d be. A time is coming when you will get an education with ease, you will have a voice in things that concern you and your children. You will give expression to all the gifts that God has blessed you with without being afraid or ashamed. The time is coming when you won’t be careful to raise your head high and be confident in yourself and in your dreams. That time is close. So, don’t give up yet.

 

A few weeks ago, Selena Gomez dropped her highly anticipated album “Rare,” and in between the space of her new project and her 2015 project “Revival,” Selena has gone through a lot, from skin inflammation, depression and anxiety, to two high profile breakups (Justin Bieber and The Weeknd).

Selena Gomez, in a new interview, spoke with NPR’s Lulu Garcia-Navarro about suffering emotional abuse during the period of time when she was dating Justin Bieber.

Read excerpts from the interview below.

“Lose You To Love Me” is your first No. 1 song off this album — tell me about this song.

I’m very proud of it. It has a different meaning to me now from when I wrote it. I felt I didn’t get a respectful closure, and I had accepted that, but I know I needed some way to just say a few things that I wish I had said. It’s not a hateful song; it’s a song that is saying — I had something beautiful and I would never deny that it wasn’t that. It was very difficult and I’m happy it’s over. And I felt like this was a great way to just say, you know, it’s done, and I understand that and I respect that, and now here I am stepping into a whole other chapter.

Saying goodbye to Justin Bieber, who I’m assuming you’re speaking about.

You had to get the name in, I get it.

Do you look back on that time, and when you think about the parts of your life that were painful, that you’ve kind of moved on from, is that one of the harder parts?

No, because I’ve found the strength in it. It’s dangerous to stay in a victim mentality. And I’m not being disrespectful, I do feel I was a victim to certain abuse —

You mean emotional abuse?

Yes, and I think that it’s something that — I had to find a way to understand it as an adult. And I had to understand the choices I was making. As much as I definitely don’t want to spend the rest of my life talking about this, I am really proud that I can say I feel the strongest I’ve ever felt and I’ve found a way to just walk through it with as much grace as possible.

Source: Bellanaija

News that NBA superstar Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash in California on Sunday was made more tragic by what came next — confirmation that his 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, also was on board.

The father-daughter duo were expected at the Mamba Sports Academy in Thousand Oaks for a basketball game. Gianna was going to play, the team director told CNN. And Bryant was going to coach.
That wasn’t out of the norm. Gianna — the second of Bryant’s four daughters with his wife, Vanessa Laine Bryant — was a passionate basketball player. And Bryant made sure he was involved in her development by coaching her team. He sometimes shared photos of her at games on Instagram, or videos of the two of them playing together.
Kobe Bryant holds his daughter, Gianna, after the Lakers defeated the Orlando Magic in Game 5 of the 2009 NBA Finals on June 14, 2009, at Amway Arena in Orlando.

In fact, Bryant saw Gianna, who wanted to play in the WNBA, as the heir to his legacy — something he confirmed in an appearance on ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” in 2018.
“The best thing that happens is when we go out and fans would come up to me and she’ll be standing next to me,” Bryant said, “and they’ll be like, ‘You’ve gotta have a boy, you and V gotta have a boy. You gotta have somebody to carry on your tradition, the legacy.”
 
“She’s like, ‘Oy, I got this,” Bryant said. “I’m like that’s right,” Bryant said. “Yes, you do, you got this.”
Gianna, who was often called Gigi, had a competitive streak, just like her father, he told The New Yorker in a 2014 profile, recalling a game of Candyland they played together when she was 3.
“You know, it’s my move,” he said. “She obviously can see that I can win, so she’ll know that I’m not winning on purpose. Then what’s that teaching?”
Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna watch during Day 2 of the Phillips 66 National Swimming Championships at the Woollett Aquatics Center on July 26, 2018 in Irvine, California.
Bryant made his move, winning the game. Gianna didn’t take it so well and knocked over the game board.
“I was, like, ‘S**t, the kid’s like me,'” Bryant told the magazine.

A mother will do anything for her children, no matter how old they get. A 98-year-old mom went viral. But why? She decided to move into the same nursing home her son was in so she could look after him.

 Ada Keating is the amazing woman who wanted nothing more than to be by her son’s side when she needed him the most. Even in her old age, this mom knows best, and it seems that both mom and son are thankful for the companionship in the picture below.

Tom Keating, Ada’s son, became a resident at Moss View care home in Huyton, Liverpool, back in 2016 since he needed more care than he could receive at home. The following year, his mother Ada decided she couldn’t bear being without him. Therefore, she moved into the same nursing home to be with him. Mom and son are so thankful they get to spend so much time together, and they enjoy watching TV and playing games to pass the time.

MEET THE KEATINGS

Ada and Tom were born in Wavertree, Liverpool, and have always been close. That’s because Tom has lived with his mother for all his adult life, never having been married. Ada said they have a routine in place so he knows what to expect. “I say goodnight to Tom in his room every night and I’ll go and say good morning to him,” she said. “I’ll tell him I’m coming down for breakfast.”

Ada says that they still have a deep bond even in their older age. “When I go out to the hairdressers he’ll look for me to see when I’m coming back,” she said. “When I get back he’ll come to me with his arms outstretched and give me a big hug. You never stop being a mum.” Tom added, “They’re very good here and I’m happy to see my mum more now she lives here. Sometimes she’ll say ‘behave yourself.’ She’s very good at looking after me.”

Tom is the oldest of four children; he had three sisters, Barbara, Margi, and Janet who passed away at 13. Tom worked as a painter and decorator before his retirement. Ada worked as a nurse at Mill Road Hospital before she retired. Their family members visit them often at home and are happy to see the two back together again. Some days, up to five generations of the Keating family come visiting!

Debi Higham, Ada’s granddaughter, comes to visit the two often. She said, “There’s no parting them. It’s reassuring for us that they’re both getting looked after 24/7.”

BELOVED BY THE NURSING HOME STAFF

The manager at the nursing home, Philip Daniels, said he’s happy the pair can be together at his facility.

“It’s very touching to see the close relationship both Tom and Ada share and we are so pleased we were able to accommodate both of their needs,” he revealed.

He added, “It’s very rare to see mothers and their children together in the same care home and we certainly want to make their time together as special as possible. They are inseparable.”

Isn’t this such a heartwarming story of a Mom and son’s unbreakable bond? If it touched your heart, please share with your friends and family!