women of rubies Archives - Page 10 of 18

In Interviews&profile June 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

‘I’M A FIRM BELIEVER IN STARTING SMALL AND DREAMING VERY BIG’

Peju Ugboma is the Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and also runs a blog, The Service Critic where she reviews restaurants. A graduate of Microbiology from the University of Lagos, she was the Head of Business Strategy at First Independent Global before resigning and setting up her business. Certified from Gastronimicum, Agde and Le Notre in France and The Taste Lab in the United Kingdom, Peju wants to launch a training school for aspiring chefs, baking enthusiasts and home cooks. In this interview, this ardent Manchester United fan talks about dumping Microbiology for dessert making, turning a huge business mistake into a best seller and three things women-owned businesses must do and avoid to stay successful.

Making desserts is a pretty unique concept, what led you down this path?
I cannot honestly tell you why I chose desserts, but it possibly stemmed from watching chefs on TV do amazing stuff with butter, sugar and flour. I would watch on TV and wish there were places locally to buy them. I still remember the first time I went to a store on Awolowo Road in Ikoyi and saw a white forest gateau, I was in cloud nine.

When I started out, I knew only a handful of people who were doing desserts commercially for events back then. There were lots of cake makers but proper desserts connoisseurs weren’t available locally. I knew to be able to do it the way I saw it on TV, I would require at least basic knowledge in basic baking techniques, so I enrolled in a baking school locally for one month and the classes were very hands on. I also bought loads of books to help out. By the end of the first month, I knew I wanted more of the real stuff. I searched locally for a proper culinary school but nothing was available so I had to look outside Nigeria.

You switched from microbiology to dessert making, what informed this decision?
To be honest, Microbiology was never my first choice. I come from a home where daddy’s words were the law. My dad initially wanted me to study Medicine but I didn’t score high enough in JAMB to study it.

Secretly, I was quite pleased, but I dared not show it outwardly. I had just about enough points to study microbiology. If I could have chosen my own course, it most likely would have been the arts. I hated Chemistry and other science subjects.

Peju Ugboma, Founder/CEO of I Luv Desserts and blogger, The Service Critic
When I finished from university, I knew I was not going to do anything with the Microbiology, so I tried my hand at different things but I didn’t find any job exciting enough to keep me occupied till I went to work in a customer service training company.

I loved it enough to stay for a few years before I moved in a completely different direction into learning about business strategy. I learnt very quickly and was fully dedicated to it because I needed to grow up. I eventually got restless there after about two years. My husband (then boyfriend) knew how excited I was watching baking shows on TV, so he always encouraged me to try it out. Then I quit my job and went for my first baking course and 12 years later, I am still at it.

You were once a 9-5 employee for over five years, what would you say is the difference between entrepreneurship and full-time employment?
Entrepreneurship is a full time job, especially when you are a start-up. You eat, drink, sleep and dream your new business.

In my candid opinion, entrepreneurship is way harder because you are responsible for other people’s livelihood. People are dependent on you so you have to strive to make sure things are done properly. If you don’t have a dime for yourself, you must provide for others.

When I started out, I was the baker, cleaner, delivery personnel, phone operator, shopper, everything! When you are in paid employment, you have a job description but with entrepreneurship, you are a one-man army.

In your opinion, what are some of the key issues startups face, especially in Nigeria?
I know you have probably heard funding many times but I disagree. The main issue a lot of startups face is knowledge, the knowledge of how to run and manage a business properly.

You have a business idea, it looks good on paper and we run with it without adequate checks, research and even proper training on know-how. We start, then get stuck and eventually throw in the towel until the next best thing comes along. Access to funds is also another big problem.

I am very anti-get a loan from a bank to start a business, the interest rate will almost cripple whatever you have gathered. I am a firm believer in starting small and dreaming very big. Electricity is also a big problem. I know this is a third world problem but it’s a huge challenge in my line of work.

A large chunk of our generated income goes on power generation. I would also say human power because in my industry, retaining excellent staff who are dedicated to the job with great work ethics are very few and far between. Artisan turnover is quite high.

Your company pioneered frozen cookie dough in West Africa, tell us about that?
The cookie dough project came about when there was some kind of ban on importation of goods into Nigeria. Before then, when you go to the freezer aisle of most supermarkets, there weren’t any locally manufactured brands of cookie dough stocked there. It got me thinking and research started on producing cookie dough locally.

The idea behind the frozen cookie dough was to create convenience and save time for the average home baker whilst still enjoying freshly baked cookies in the convenience of your home. All you need to do is place dough balls on trays and bake for 15 minutes.

The whole process took about 24 months from inception to product testing, sourcing packaging and licensing from NAFDAC. We rolled out and gradually started retailing in stores. We were stocked in about 22 stores in Lagos and Abuja then we hit a brick wall. I think it was largely because we had lapses in our marketing strategy and supply change management.

I am no longer ashamed to say that it failed the first time it launched, it was quite humbling and I refused to talk about it for a while but I have learnt a whole lot from this experience, because this kind of experience, as humbling as it is, helps you build resilience. We are back to drawing board trying to retrace our steps to understand why it didn’t work in the first instance. Hopefully, it will work out better and stay in the market for as long as we have projected it to stay.

How important is mentoring for women especially those in business?
I have often heard women say it was a waste of their time, but in my own case, it was one of the wisest decisions I took. If you are in business, whether man or woman, you need mentoring. It is hard enough running your business solo, with you being the all in one CEO and ‘Jackie’ that does even the most menial of jobs.

Personally, I have benefitted from having a mentor who not only guides me as regards my business but spiritually and even issues regarding the home-front.

When I am asked how I chose a mentor, happenstance, I came across her by accident and I prayed that I was choosing the right person. The first question she asked was “what are you bringing to the table.” I was stunned. When I asked her why she said that, she wanted to know how serious I was about our relationship. I have since nicknamed her iya-aje because of how tough she gets when she needs me to do something.

Tell us something that has influenced your life and career positively today?
It took me a while to figure this out, but life became much easier when I got an understanding of Proverbs 3:5-6. It says trust God with your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will straighten all crooked path before you. As hard it may be, I have chosen to trust Him.

As a member of BTS Welfare Hub, what do you do specifically for women?
BTS Welfare Hub is a faith-based group, it doesn’t cater to just women, but to the needs of the downtrodden. The hub takes care of a range of things like visiting old people’s homes, orphanages, cerebral palsy centers, poor communities and visiting the streets to encourage someone. An average visit to a poor community will include sharing the word, praying with the people in these communities, encouraging and then giving out presents and food.

As a former business strategist, briefly tell us three basic things women must do/avoid when running a business?
First, separate purses; your business account is not your personal account; you should not draw funds from the business account just because you can. I believe you should pay yourself a realistic salary. If the business is unable to pay you a salary, create an IOU, which can possibly go towards your equity in the company, there must be some sort of reimbursement for the work you do.

Second, whilst I believe you shouldn’t hire too soon, I also believe that it is important to delegate so that you don’t burn yourself out. Micromanaging when you delegate is a killer of creativity. You need to prioritize what is important, what can be delegated and what you can afford to put on the back-burner.

Finally, don’t be afraid to make a mistake or be too cautious to take a risk. I know it is not always easy to accept when we assume we have failed at something but it shouldn’t define who we are.

One of my biggest sellers at the moment, the cheesecake popsicle came about as a mistake I made when mixing one of our products. Now I am grateful that it happened, I acknowledge that it’s not all mistakes that have a somewhat happy ending but use whatever mistake as a stepping- stone to better yourself.

If you could influence change, what would you want to do for Nigerian women?
If I could influence change, I would like to start with reorientation, reorientation of the mind, that being a woman is not a limiting factor. I can be anything I want to be if my mind is aligned to it and I am willing to put in the work.

A lot of our parents did some form of damage in us with a limiting mindset, that no matter what we do or achieve, the kitchen is where we will end up as women. I would also love for women to truly support one another, not just using it as a buzzword but also actually bearing one and other up. These are little things we can be deliberate about it.

What do you do to relax? What is your guilty pleasure?
Relaxing is relative nowadays, as an entrepreneur, shutting down, mind body and soul is hard. So the easiest thing for me nowadays is reading and eating out. I also love watching football but nowadays the team I support isn’t doing well so it is a bit of a drag. My absolute guilty pleasure is travelling to new places, learning new cultures and experiencing new culinary adventures.

What should we expect from you in the next five years?
Whenever I am asked this question, I get a bit overwhelmed. Whilst I understand the need to plan for the future, I have learnt to take it one day at a time, planning five years in advance in my books is a wrong pressure trigger.

So I will change from the next five years to tomorrow or in the near future; I want to co-own a properly run internationally certified culinary academy in Nigeria and an online culinary school because that’s where the business world is gearing up to. I pray for sustenance, God’s grace and grit to carry forth.

Source: Tobi Awodipe for Guardian

In Editor's Choice June 15, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

“PEOPLE WONDER HOW I WAS ABLE TO BREAK 100 YEARS RECORD IN INDIA” – EMELIFE STELLA CHINELO AMAGBOR

Emelife Stella Chinelo Amagbor 100 years record breaking educational feat went viral few weeks ago and alot of Nigerians wanted to know more about the woman who had made the motherland proud. The story was shared across social media and on some international platforms.

The Anambra State born academia got a scholarship from of the university of Mysore, India and graduated in March 2019 with a FGPA of 9.26, and was awarded 20 gold medals during her convocation, this feat made it the first time in over 100 years where any student will be honoured that way. Little did Stella know her story was going to make rounds in the media

The Intelligent young woman who also has a bachelor degree, (BSc Applied Chemistry) ,was also awarded the best graduating student of Usmanu Danfodiyo University Sokoto in 2013/2014 academic session, graduating with CGPA of 4.86.

Stella is inspired by her hunger for knowledge and a better life for herself, she shares her inspiring story in this interview.

In her words; “My parents were not the richest but they did all they could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education”.

Growing up

I grew up in Sokoto state though born in Zaria, Kaduna state. I am the first of the seven children of Sir and Lady Christoper Emelife. My parents were not the richest but they did all they could at all times to give me and my siblings the best quality education available. I attended Federal Government College Sokoto from primary level to secondary level and this was by no means the best school in Sokoto at the time. All through my studies, I was outstanding. I always made the best grades which earned me several awards and scholarship. I went on to do my bachelor’s degree in applied chemistry at Usmanu Dan fodiyo University Sokoto where I also graduated as the best graduating student in 2012/2013 academic session. It was never rosy. I had difficulties and challenges especially with gaining admisssion into university. I wanted to study medicine but did not get that course for reasons I am yet to lay my hands on but all I knew was that I had the results required. I spent three years battling with JAMB UTME and POSTUTME until I eventually changed to chemistry. So I would say, yes, my childhood or my background indeed prepared me for what I do now.

Why Chemistry?

For my bachelor degree in Applied chemistry, I will tell you that I only chose to apply for it at the time because, firstly chemistry was my favourite science subject apart from Mathematics in secondary school, I would say I had a good foundation in chemistry and then secondly, I needed to apply for a course that had less traffic. By less traffic I mean, a course that did not have too many applicants just like medicine which was what I wanted to study. However, in the course of my studies, I fell in love with chemistry and decided to proceed in this field for my postgraduate studies.

100 years record breaking viral story

Yes, my story went viral after the announcement of my awards in India. I got an Indian government scholarship in 2016 to go for a master degree course in chemistry. I accepted the offer and began my master’s degree programme at University of Mysore, the course went on till July/August 2018. I returned back to Nigeria and this year 2019, I was invited to attend my convocation ceremony where I will be officially awarded my MSc Chemistry degree and along with it, I was informed that I will be receiving numerous awards as a result of my outstanding performance in the university. The university is one of the oldest universities in India and highly reputable. I was informed that in the over 100 years history of the university, no one has ever made such grades and most of all a foreigner. I made a percentage of 92.6%. Hence, the best graduating student of the university of Mysore. I went down to India in March 2019, received these numerous awards (25 awards that included 20 gold medals and 5 cash prizes) and almost all media houses in India had the news in all languages including English and eventually, Nigerian bloggers got to know and then some Nigerian news houses.

Reception

Abroad which of course is India, every single person who has come across the news is totally amazed and wonder how I was able to break such record of such university as notable as University of Mysore. More so were those present at the convocation ceremony. Even the dignitaries could not help but express how amazed they are and how proud of me they are and have since been offering to assist me in any way they can through recommendations in case I decide to take up a PhD course in India. I granted countless number of interviews both offline and online. In fact, my name has been everywhere in India especially amongst the academicians and the foreign students association in all parts of India are so proud of me and my achievement. Now, at home, yes the reception has been good amongst people who got to know about it, especially on social media. My husband, my entire family and friends, my church, my alma mater have all been so amazed at such performance. The Chemical Society of Nigeria have been so excited about the news. I have also been granting a number of interviews here and there. I am praying that apart from everyone getting excited and sending in congratulatory messages, that I will attract the attention of the federal government to at least consider me for a well-paying job here in Nigeria.

My Inspiration

I am inspired by my hunger for knowledge and a better life for myself, my family and the society at large and I believe that getting to the peak of my career in life will bring me all the happiness I seek for since at that height, I can inspire others and be make all the impacts I yearn for in the society.

Who inspires me? Firstly my parents inspire me greatly. Their determination to give us the best they can pushes me to be more and also be a great parent like they are to me and then also, I am inspired by every woman that I come across who is doing all she can to break all the conventional laws or rules that hold women back and strife hard to achieve her goals irrespective of her gender or whatever. If you ask for who my role model is, then it is Late Prof. Dora Akunyili of blessed memory. I adore her and hope to do greater than she did by the help of God.

What next?

I need a good job in the academia as a lecturer in the university or as a quality control analyst or research and development personnel in any reputable chemical industry where I can put in all my knowledge to use, develop myself and also earn a good living to take care of myself, my family and those around me that need help. I am also looking forward to getting a very good PhD scholarship to start up my research career as soon as possible.

On the long run, I have plans to work with NGOs in the education sector to be able to make my own mark in education in Nigeria.

Challenges

The greatest challenge I faced while studying in India was the cultural shock I faced. It was my first time leaving Nigeria and for the fact that it was a totally different continent made it so difficult for me at the very beginning. The food, the way of life, the language, the accent and intonations, the religion.

No one understood me when I spoke because they say they do not understand my accent. However, time changed everything. I became very used to everything that I ate virtually every food, began to speak with the Indian accent and I could understand a few of the native language hence I was able to at least communicate with the bus drivers et al. Another challenge I faced was the overwhelming academic activities and being the only foreigner in my class. I stayed in school morning till evening from Monday to Saturday, stood for at least 4 hours in the laboratory and had loads of assignments to submit within short notice and practical records to submit also. It was so intense and scary but eventually, by the Grace of God, I got used to it and made use of all facilities at my disposal, used my time judiciously and became friends with virtually all my classmates.

Giving up

In my first year if I had the financial capacity, I would have ran back to Nigeria because I was getting too overwhelmed with the work load. It was so intense and I thought, I could not just do this. I was afraid I may not survive it. Many times I will cry while in the class receiving lectures, other times in the lab I will be so lost and confused. I could no longer concentrate. However, I cried to my family most especially my husband who is a huge support system, and they all encouraged me with their kind words and prayers and eventually, I got used to everything and even did not want to go back to Nigeria, when it was time to. Hahahaha!!!

My Support System

I am happily married to Mr. John Oshiobode Amagbor who has been of tremendous support to me. We live in Warri, Delta state. Also, I am looking forward to collaborations with NGOs or bodies that propagate education in public schools especially at the basic and secondary level. I will appreciate getting connections to such agencies and organizations, I can do a volunteer work with them even when I get a paying job.

Being a woman of rubies

I believe I am a Woman of Rubies because I am very focused and zealous. I do not let my gender come in my way of achieving the greatest heights. I do not think because I am a woman in the midst of men, so I am a second class ‘citizen’. I always believe I am even better and at advantage because I am a woman. I hold my head high and raise my shadows while defending myself or any right course because I am a human first then a woman. I am fearless when discussing what I know, yet very humble to learn anything new from anyone irrespective of gender or race. I am an inspiration to my own family, my own society and soon the world. I represent womanhood everywhere I go to. Yes, I am that Woman of Rubies.

To women who want to study Chemistry

Any woman can be anything right she wants to be. There is no gain going about wearing the cap “I am a woman’ about like Mo Abudu will say. You are a human first then woman. Therefore, there is no limit to what you can achieve just like everyother man.

Chemistry is not easy, however it is by no means the most interesting physical science course and is highly interdisciplinary. Go for it, as far as you are serious minded.

In self development May 30, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

QUEENETTE ENILAMA ADVOCATES FOR THE BOY CHILD IN NEW BOOK

‘

Stop Crying! You’re a boy.

Boys don’t cry!”

So, you think boys don’t need attention? Think again

The Affirmed Boy, is a book by Nigerian writer Queenette Enilama, that could change the way we raise our boys. At a time when the negative effects of social media and peer pressure, are wreaking havoc on the developmental process of the boy child, The Affirmed Boy is a book that gives boys an affirmation that they are enough and do not need to succumb to all the pressure to belong.

They can be positive influencers and immune to negative influence. Each page contains a unique lesson, in the form of an affirmation, that tackles a specific challenge in the life of a growing boy. Following the declaration of the affirmation, there is a supporting biblical scripture and a short but boy-tailored prayer, he would love to say. The affirmation page is followed by a Notes page where the reader can write thoughts and feelings about the lesson learned that day. Each page is colorful, with images to enhance its aesthetic value and make for a pleasurable read. At the end of the book, the affirmed boy would have begun to discover himself and develop self-awareness, self-worth and self-confidence, as well as, a well-rounded and emotionally sound.

The Affirmed Boy is a daily companion developmental book for boys between the ages of 6 and 14 years.

The Affirmed Boy is published by TAF PUBLISHING VENTURES Published: 18/05/2019 Available online at https://paystack.com/pay/affirmationforboys or you can pay into Zenith Bank account 2008632045, then send request, with proof of payment to WhatsApp at the number listed below. Queenette Enilama is a writer, certified Emotional Intelligence Coach and Co-Founder of the “NoBoyLeftBehind” Initiative, with a contagious passion for the boy child. She has written several stories, reviewed on a number of online platforms and is set to launch a series of E-books in the coming months. Her No Boys Left Behind initiative, trains, and grooms young boys and teenagers into excellent young men, with a different and responsible perspective on society. For more information about The Affirmed Boy, or to schedule an interview, with Queenette, please contact her on 09096780595 or email her at qenilama@gmail.com

In self development September 1, 2020 By Editor

ESTHER IJEWERE : DON’T BE ASHAMED TO SEEK HELP WHEN YOU ARE DEPRESSED

At exactly 10:42pm on 8th of March 2017, I wrote “Heaven I need a Hug” on my wall , perhaps I needed a hug considering the fact that I have several back logs and I was stressed at the time, but beyond that I wanted to see how people will respond , I wasn’t disappointed with the number of e-hugs I received within thirty minutes BUT two friends had to slide to my inbox and asked me to put down the post, one said it showed too much emotions and the other said “you are too strong to be perceived like a weak woman Esther , bring it down its not good for your brand”. Wetin concern personal brand with emotions ogini?

This is exactly the reason why people suffer and die in silence , imagine if all the people who committed suicide recently put up a post similar to mine just to let people know they need help and get such response from their friends?

Please let’s allow people express themselves on social media the way and manner they like, as a matter of fact I want to encourage anyone who is down, depressed or about to give it all up , put up a post and let’s know what you are going through , sometimes the closet people to us are our biggest problem and you cant tell your problem to a problem, it’s fine to seek help on Facebook or any other social media platform or other direct means.

Feel free to write messages such as :

“I am Depressed”
“I need help”
“I need to talk to someone ”
“Please help”
“I need a therapist”
“I need a counsellor ”
Etc etc etc

Just express yourself however you feel and I am sure someone out there will reach out to you. I am positive we have good people who truly care in Nigeria, all you need to reach them is to SPEAK UP!

I have been down that road before, and it’s not just being depressed because life happened or stress, I was in my world, the over analysing and over thinking stage where you feel living isn’t worth it anymore, and I don’t pray to ever go there again, I was in self denial of my state of mind till a true friend who didn’t judge me asked that I seek help from a therapist . I am a survivor, no shame at all, and a proud Mental health advocate for She Writes Woman

If you need to talk to someone about your problems please reach out to the following people: Hauwa Ojeifo, Oyinkansola Alabi, Praise Fowowe , Laila St. Matthew-Daniel, Pamela Udoka.

I have a listening ear , I will give you a hug, give you my time and attention, walk you through the process but sadly I can’t offer you the professional help you need like the above mentioned persons. Please don’t die in silence , reach out, SPEAK UP and don’t let depression and suicide win.

Kindly add names of other therapist in the comment section ???.

Please seek help….

You are not alone…..

In self development May 11, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

EHI AGBASHI: THERE IS NO WOMAN WHO IS SAFE IN NIGERIA

A lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.

I am sure we all saw the disturbing videos, read the stories of the women who were arrested and assaulted for going to night clubs. These women were arrested, and then harassed both physically and sexually, and guess what? There were people who found a way to justify these hideous acts.

Some people said, “Well, thank God they were sex workers and not normal women.” Others said, “As a woman, why are you out of your house by this time?” I saw a comment that struck me, and it came from a fellow woman; she said, “I wish they had done this earlier, and I hope they continue.” To the people, especially women, who left these heartless comments, let me break it down for you. I hope, for all our sakes, you really learn something.

First of all, these women were not arrested for being sex workers; they were arrested for being women who were out at night, and God forbid this ever befalls you or any woman you know.

Another thing: they are not ‘just sex workers,’ they are human. They are women before any other thing, and I hope everyone remembers this.

Women were raped and abused, and the first thing that comes to your mind is “What was she wearing?” “Why was she out by that time of the night?” “As a woman she should not be in the club at night.” I hope you learn that no Nigerian woman is safe, and I hope one day you join to make a positive change.

There were protests on May 4, 2019, and to those who went out to voice their pains, anger and support for a better society, we say thank you. We will keep pushing in our own little ways to achieve positive change.

Now, some people might think the police raid wasn’t close to them, so they weren’t bothered. Well, let me bring it home. A few days ago, a friend asked our group chat if it was okay for a woman to downplay her success because of a man. This was apparently because successful women scare suitors away, and I was glad when everyone said it was not okay to lower your standards for anyone. Why should a woman’s success be downplayed to fuel a man’s ego? You are a woman, and you deserve the same level of success and the right to celebrate your success, just as much as any man.

I can’t speak for other societies, but I can definitely speak for the Nigerian society when I say a lot of people (both genders) see women as lesser humans to their male counterparts. When men voice their displeasure, we often tag them heartbroken and hurt, but when a woman does the same she is seen as bitter and ungrateful. Many people say things like “no man will marry her,” “she is disgracing her family/children,” “she is just bitter, she should move on.” When a man does the same exact thing guess what people say. “Wow, thank God he dodged a bullet,” “I hope time heals his heart,” “I hope he finds someone better.” We have taught females, consciously and unconsciously, that silence is the way for them to be accepted.

The last time, I spoke about speaking up and not suppressing your emotions, and I am here to echo it once again: if you are woman hurt and emotional, speak your truth. Do not let the society make you suppress your feelings. You deserve to express your hurt and heartbreak the way you wish. Sadly, a lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.

I hope the younger generation works hard toward ensuring that gender inequality becomes history, and females in the future don’t have to downplay their success and emotions in order to be accepted. From so called moral standards, to success and achievements, up to self-esteem, women are constantly given the shorter end of the stick, and I hope this changes during our time.

In Editor's Choice May 11, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

DISCOVER YOURSELF BEFORE YOU SAY YES TO A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL – FAVOUR OSIRI WISDOM

Favour Osiri Wisdom is an encourager, a certified marriage and relationship mentor with The Institute of Marriage and Family Affairs USA. A certified negotiation and conflict analysis expert with (USIP). United States Institute for Peace. She is the coordinator of the foremost marriage academy in the south south region of Nigeria;The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy in the city of Port Harcourt which equips both married and intending marriage couples to acquire skills to build the marriage of their dreams.

Favour is passionate about women and girls. Having suffered so much under intense poverty growing up as the first child amongst seven children. She founded the Model Woman Foundation in 2016 where she mentors weekly organizing online seminars. She and her Pastor husband are presenters of a weekly relationship show called “For better for us” on Facebook . She recently authored two books tilted How Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T and Before You Marry.

Favour believes her background cannot keep her back on the ground and she is determined to help restore more homes. She shares her story in this inspiring and educative interview.

Childhood

My childhood is full of interesting events that have shaped me into the woman I am today. I didn’t have luxury growing up so being the first child amongst 7 children; my mind was constantly processing on what next to do to make money. I learnt how to braid hair at age 10 and every Christmas season I made money from braiding hair I wanted to go to school at all cost because at that time I was going to be the first graduate in my compound ( both in my maternal and paternal home) .The poverty around me was just too much, I sold oranges during its season, I was involved in the “bole” business (roasted fish and plantain) which I inherited from my mother. I ran a bukka joint in a mechanic garage at age 19. In 1998 I went to NYSC orientation camp in the city where I lived at that time to do food business. When I saw the corp members come to buy food from my stand, I remember weeping one day because I wanted to be like them. I thank God I later saved up money from my mechanic garage food business to buy forms into the Polytechnic and went on to become the first graduate in my family (maternal and paternal) with many other degrees. All of these experiences are instrumental to what I do now which is to encourage and stir women around me to rise up

Inspiration behind The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy and The Model woman foundation

We relocated to Portharcourt in 2013 to start a church ministry and much later started a weekly show on radio called “Family Matters” Nigeria Info PH 92.3 every Monday 2pm to 3pm

The vision for the radio show was to help marriages and those intending to marry with the wisdom that has helped us because at a point in our marriage, we went through turbulent times. We thought the devil had relocated to our home but as we researched more we found out it wasn’t the devil; it was deep ignorance of the skills to do marriage that we lacked. So as we shared these tips on radio, the counseling issues in our office weekly increased. We went into more research, got professional training then we decided to set up the marriage academy to proactively address marital issues. This is because there are issues that 30 mins counseling cannot handle, it will require an entire program to unlearn, learn, re-learn. The wisdom driven marriage academy kicked off in 2016 and has brought illumination to a lot of singles and married couples. The testimonies are amazing.

The Modelwoman foundation is my gift to womanhood. It was founded in 2016. I am an encourager so I never fail to shamelessly use myself as an example of a woman who dare to excel against all odds I could speak to someone for hours with the intent to make sure they move to another level. I was doing this with women around me and I saw them began to soar and felt I could reach more women globally using technology so in 2016, we started on whatsapp with few women and today we are grateful. We now hold an online conference tagged “The Complete woman Conference and a live conference tagged “Ignite”

My books; how Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T & Before You Marry

How not to marry an I.D.I.O.T came as a result of my personal experience of manifesting these traits in the past and my interaction with intending couples and married couples alike. I have seen people marry with all the red flags telling them not to and the marriage breaks after few months. Some people also think marriage does not require skills but it does seriously. In fact it is the most skilled intensive venture I know because you are dealing with the emotions and destiny of people. I.D.I.O.T is an acronym for traits which are red flags telling you not to continue with the relationship. People with Idiotic attitude are not ready to learn, they want to do marriage the way they like. A lot of marriages are going through pain because of these Idiotic attitudes. The beautiful thing about the book is that it proffers solution on how to overcome these traits as a single or married person and gives you a step by step approach to end a forever idiotic relationship.

Before You Marry is a compilation of 50 things (There might be more) to consider before you marry. The book is to help intending couples with some of the relevant questions and discussions they need to have before they walk the aisle we live in the age where people see marriage as the next thing to check on their list without asking relevant questions. Questions reveal a lot of things. An example is having a discussion on the possibility of adoption where there is delay in child bearing. These questions and discussions brings clarity in the marriage.

Impact of Model Woman

The modelwoman foundation has been a blessing to a lot of women. Most of these women I have never met because 90% of our engagement is online. The vision of the foundation is to build excellent legacies so we deployed the strategy of pray and learn. Weekly we pray and organize seminar sessions addressing different issues. We have testimonies of over 60 women who have started new businesses in the group, women who had no idea on what business to start when they joined us, we have marriages restored through the seminars in the group, we have women discovering their purpose and pursuing them. We have women who have been spiritually revived, the sessions on parenting was life transforming for the women. we have single mums, divorcees in our midst whose self esteem has been restored and are doing so well. We have ladies who were so deep into being side chic to married men end the relationships and turned a new leaf, we have married women involved in illicit relationships end the relationships and became purpose driven. We also have weekly diverse testimonies of changed lives in the the foundation. We have a project called ‘Value driven Life Project for secondary schools. The project is to impact the students with soft skills to make informed decisions about their lives and to make them aware they are valuable. Recently we had an amazing outing on Valentine’s Day titled SEX IS NOT LOVE. We had students who planned to break their virginity as a mark of love come to us willingly seeking for help which we have followed up..

The wsidom driven marriage has impacted a lot of singles and married couples. The “Save Your marriage program” which is an intensive 8weeks program for deeply troubled marriages have revived and saved marriages on the verge of divorce. We have seen singles quit relationships because they suddenlyfound out that even though the relationship looks good to them, it may not be good to them.

Challenges

I work with women mostly, the challenge has been the limiting mindset where some of them believe they cant get to certain heights because of their gender. Another challenge is some people think getting married is the next thing to be checked on their list without adequately preparing for marriage. They prepare for wedding and not marriage. Just like flying a plaane requires skills, marriage, even relationship in the work place requires skills else the marriaage will crash like a plane manned by an ignorant person. Some couples are excited and working hard ontheir marriage, it is not that they have not had issues, they were only equipped with tools to handle even challenging seasons in their marriage.

Other project and activities

Because I have a passion for women, I also want them to pass the same passion to their daughters so we have the Mum and Daughter Ball (MDB) which is aimed at creating that intentional bonding relationship. The maiden edition will hold this year. I also have a project for single mums and single dads which will come up before the end of this year. The big one is the Wisdom driven marriage retreat and resorts. A place for couples to unwind and bond.

Reward

The testimonies of changed lives. One incident is a single lady who has been in a relationship with a married man for many years and depended on him for financial assistance. She told me she had always wanted to end the relationship but couldn’t because of the financial assistance she was getting. Through the sessions on the modelwoman platform, she was able to break free and has an amazing life today working and making a living. So my greatest rewards are women who have found themselves and are unapologetically living their best lives.

On the cause of broken marriages lately

Ignorance is a big issue. I am a firm believer that whatever you are not skilled in, you will kill and if you keep doing it for a long time, it can kill you.. People go to different schools to acquire knowledge in different fields and that’s why they do well. Some even specialize. For example I cannot fly a plane no matter how passionate I am because I do not have the skills. Also marriage requires skills. Communication skills, negotiations skills, parenting skills, financial skills and many other skills to build a solid marriage.. These skills are supposed to be acquired pre and post wedding. Most pre-marital counseling curriculum are not updated to even handle today’s peculiar challenges. When these skills are lacking, marital frustrations begins to set it. Another reason for broken marriages is that the impatience level today is very short especially with technology where everything is fast. Many people want it fast and are not ready to be patient.. Another example is when you do not recognize that the spouse you married 20 years ago has changed and you also need to change.( change here means growth)

To women who are about to get married

Ans: Discover yourself before you say yes to a marriage proposal. Your purpose in life will guide your choice. Be economically empowered. Go into marriage as an asset not a liability. Be equipped with the skills and ensure your would be husband does same. Do not give in to pressure to marry anyone just because everyone around you is getting married. You will stand alone when the heat comes as those who pressured you will be no where to be found. Give the relationship time. Ask questions. Because I am a Christian and believe that God ordained marriage, I will encourage that women talk to God about their proposed spouse or marriage. Also don’t be carried away by emotions, ensure both of you are agreeable.

My Inspiration

My husband is my number one inspiration and cheer leader. The way he handles pressures and responds when there is a challenge is inspiring. My 3 wise children constantly push me to study because of the enormous potential they carry. Every day I want to become a better parent who will continually unleash their potential for them to impact their world.

Being a woman of Rubies

Wow! I decided long ago I was going to make a positive mark on every woman I meet. So intentionally mentoring them and ensuring they follow the process to make progress is what I think makes me a woman of rubies. When we as women collaborate and not compete we will achieve so much because value is in people not places. God has trapped what we need in relationships. Having the skills to find and nurture these relationships as women will make life so easy. So I must commend Women of Rubies for what they are doing by celebrating women. That’s the spirit!

Final words of advice for women all over the world

Lookout for other women in your community, office, neighborhood. Collaborate, don’t compete. Aspire to the highest level God has designed for you. Don’t think because you are a woman you are inferior; you are the express image of God. Learn from other women. Celebrate a sister whose time of shinning has come and you will attract same

In self development March 1, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

NASILELE MUYANDI: PEARLS AROUND MY NECK (VALUE OF A WOMAN)

I once went to cosmopolitan shopping mall in my home town, in Lusaka Zambia, and as I
was window shopping, I stopped to look at jewellery in the American Swiss store, and while
in the store, my attention was caught by a pair of beautiful pearls and a necklace, my eyes
wide open and face glowing, all I thought of was “I need to get these”. I turned to the store
attendant to confirm the price I was looking at, (seemed expensive to me) and with a smile
she looked at me and said,” yes it is K5, 000($ 500).I smiled and said thank you, as I was
about to walk out the store, she said the value of pearls is like that of a woman, rare but well
deserved.

I walked away with a smile, but her words made a statement to my spirit. It brought me to
the realization of a woman’s true worth ,How it is mostly, underestimated, over looked,
taken for granted ,(even by herself),just as I thought the price of those pearls would have
been. Today ,many of us do not only know, but don’t realize the value that comes with being
a woman, Many today don’t realize that the value they carry can change not only their lives,
but our world, and that with our diverse values, color, stature, zeal and caliber, the value of
the pearls around your neck remains the same, as a woman, accept who and what you are
,and work towards preserving and improving that, if we as women value our worth, we will
create a platform for the opposite sex, and the feminist fighting for our voice to be heard. A
platform where a woman will be accepted as strong, intelligent, a decision maker, a worthy
human being to be heard, to be taken seriously, and for all this to come to reality, we need
as women to realize the our worth, we need to realize that we are deserving of rare pearls,
and because we are rare, our uniqueness stretches beyond clothes, weaves and designer shoes.

Ladies the value of pearls will never vary depending on the environment, whether
you are the richest woman on earth or an average woman, the pearls around your neck
have the same value, we should not be defined by society, by the environment around us,
nor the voices that constantly speak less of who we are. Pearls are preserved, they are
guarded jealously, and as women, we need to preserve our character even at the point we
fight for our rights, we need to constantly improve our selves through knowledge, upgrading
our skills, research and making sure we are well acquainted with our environments and see
where a hand is needed, and see where a voice is to be heard. Lastly, the value we have
within is and can be the push needed by another woman, a hand and support given to a
fellow woman will not reduce your worth and value, but rather improve your character and
there will be an increase in the number of confident women.

We all are deserving women.

About Nasilele

Nasilele is a Zambian writer and account assistant with a reputable company in her home country.

In self development January 29, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

GRACE ORISAKIYA: TEAMING UP IN A RELATIONSHIP

No man is an island of his own, there will be times you will need people’s contributions, opinions and help. Working together with people has been useful in different circumstances and has contributed to productivity and time management. Team work is essential in the organization and management of tasks. Team work isn’t confined to the corporate world, you could have teams in schools, religious gatherings and some couples even consider their relationship or family a team. When managed properly, there will be a positive impact on the team goals and its members. Have you ever been friends with someone and one day you get to know people are being selected for different teams and you wish to be in the same team as your friend. After a while you hear you names announced under the same team, if this were you, how would you feel? Teamwork can contribute to having a higher sense of purpose with its members. This article will concentrate on how a relationship/marriage can be seen as a team. Some factors that shouldn’t be ignored when building a team includes;

A common goal-

Without a common goal and interest, it is considered a group. A team is usually formed with the desire to achieve a particular goal and all members of the team will be interested in accomplishing this goal. For instance if you consider your relationship a team and decide to achieve a common goal which is ultimately to build a future together, you both should make it your priority, talk about it and plan to make it achievable.

Compatibility –

Two or more people can’t work together if there is no compatibility. I don’t just mean in personalities, you might not have compatible interest or future plans. Although some won’t mind as long as they ‘love’ each other but how sustainable can love be when faced with issues that could have been avoided? Being realistic about your compatibility is huge step in becoming a team.

Team size

A team consists of people with a shared goal, since this article addresses relationships becoming a team, it should consist of TWO individuals who love each other, have the desire to build a future together not Two individuals and some people by the side. If you wish to include your children, that is totally fine as long as the size is restricted to your family. Being in a relationship and having others by the side destroys trust, respect and the overall purpose of the team. Being committed to your partner is of essence in becoming a team.

Shared task –

Like any other team, a relationship team should have shared task. This can be developed or identified by recognizing each other’s strengths. What are you good at? How will the bills be shared? Who will take the children to school in the morning? Who will pick them up? And so on. It is important to discuss tasks that should be performed, failure to do so might lead to expectations and disappointments.

Conflict management –

As long as two people are involved, there will be disagreements. How do you plan to manage conflict? What’s you apology strategy? What can you do to make things better. Don’t assume that there won’t be conflict as this is considered failing to prepare or assume that there should always be conflict as this is considered preparing to fail. Sometimes conflict can be avoided when there’s understanding in the relationship and when it occurs, the ability to resolve quickly depends on how you are willing to make it work.

A leader –

First of all, I believe everyone should do what they are comfortable with. Some believe men are the leaders or head of a relationship/ home while others believe both people in the relationship are leaders. In my opinion, my husband being the leader doesn’t make me a weaker member of the team. It has been that way right from our dating phase. Let’s face it, What are the qualities of a leader? They should be willing to communicate, guide, direct, listen, give constructive feedback and so on. A leader sometimes may need assistance in taking a decision and he will consult his team member. That goes to show how much he’s interested in your opinion.

In summary, making your relationship/ marriage a team requires commitment, understanding and a common goal.

About Grace

Grace Asemota is a Business Psychologist (M.Sc) and a Certified Life Coach. She has partnered with Organizations and solopreneurs to grow their personal and professional brands and has coached students and staff in different institutions and organisations.

She continuously coaches and trains on the importance of goal setting, happiness,personal development and self- confidence in a wide range of organisations and institutions by motivating staff to develop a collaborative culture and identify key factors that can enhance personal growth.

You can follow her on

LinkedIn @Grace Asemota-Orisakiya

In self development January 21, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

JANE UDOKA: THE IDEAL WOMAN: THE IDEAL SERIES

All over the world, there are diverse ways an ideal woman is looked upon. Some countries or tribes judge this based on the ethnicity, the looks, the moral disposition, social nature of a woman. Some however even judge this idealism based on trivial things such as her body size, her feminine curves, her sensuality, her height, accent or even the way she walks. It’s funny and inconsequential but the world has placed insanely high standards on women that some find it quite hard to come to terms and be happy with whom they are.

To us however, these are the standards by which an ideal woman should be measured :

An Ideal woman is an independent woman, she is a woman who is capable of taking care of her emotions, her duties, herself and people who depend on her. She is someone who does not manipulate people around her to do her wishes but instead takes the bull heads on and achieves the task needed. She is a goal getter, a trend setter and one who does not shy away from duties no matter the sexual barriers that are attached to it. She is one that’s able to put sentiments aside and forge ahead with the right things.

An Ideal woman is a purposeful and creative lady, she is a lady with a purpose. She is a career oriented woman with set goals. She is one who sleeps at night and wakes up with a refreshed and energized spirit to fight for her dreams. She is one who does not conform to the world’s standards for good, but seeks to become better with each passing day.

The Ideal woman is a motivator and helper to people around her. She is one who motivates and encourages people around her. If she is in a relationship, or married, she is one who’s not just there in favorable times but even in the gloomy days. She is one who understands and is ready to help whenever and however she can. She is a loyal woman.

Our ideal woman is one who understands that her worth isn’t just defined by her sex. If she is married she is one who knows that motherhood isn’t her totality but also an added role she plays. She is one who focuses on being the best mother and also the career woman she is. She is one who does not accept the people’s definition of a good woman but goes ahead to create her own version of it.

Our Ideal woman is the confident lady. She is one who is extremely comfortable in her own skin. She is one who is not intimidated by what the world throws at her but takes it and makes the best out of it. She is one who is not deterred by her failures but rather sees it as a chance to becoming better. She is one who revels in her capabilities and pulls up those all around her . She is the hard working woman.

Photocredit: Google

About Jane

21 year old Udoka Jane O is a trained Engineer, She is a professional freelance writer on Relationship and healthy lifestyles. Jane has written a number of mind engaging articles….

In self development January 18, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

OLUFUNKE ADEBAYO: FERMENTED FOODS

I actually did not know that foods that have gone through fermentation are powerhouses of nutrients until my father shared a research done on locust beans (Irú) with me. He said that locust beans was spread on some cancer tissues and the locust beans killed all the cancer cells! Apart from killing cancer cells, locust beans also promotes good eyesight, aids digestion, the water and alcoholic extracts of fermented locust beans are used to reduce blood sugar. Locust bean does more but it’s so unfortunate that most of us hate this wonder food.

Fermented foods are foods that have been through a process of lactofermentation in which natural bacteria feed on the sugar and starch in the food creating lactic acid. This process preserves the food and creates beneficial enzymes, b-vitamins, Omega-3 fatty acids, and various strains of probiotics.

Some foods are not safe for human consumption; it is only through fermentation that the plant toxins in them are removed and it is this process that brings out the best in such foods. A good example of this is soyabeans . It is less harmful when fermented. The Japanese eat Miso, Tempeh, Natto and Tofu which are all made by fermenting soyabeans. Now, guess what? When it comes to living healthy and long lives, the Japanese are good in that department! If you still take soya milk, I advise that you try to be fermenting it before drinking or, better still, use your soyabeans to make soya locust beans .

Fermentation has also been shown to preserve nutrients in foods and break the food down to a more digestible form. This, along with the bevy of probiotics created during the fermentation process, could explain the link between consumption of fermented foods and improved digestion.

Apple cider vinegar is also a good example. It is made from fermented apple. It is loaded with a lot of health benefits. Women who have met me for their menses to be induced naturally would testify to the fact that this wonder drink is part of the treatment.

Yogurt is another fermented food. It is made by adding bacterial cultures to milk, transforming the milk sugar, lactose, into lactic acid. Here is why yogurt is better than milk. As a matter of fact, it is healthier to take yogurt than milk because, like I have discussed before, the cows that produce the milk we drink are given hormonal injections so that they can produce more milk and also become fleshy on time. While we take milk, we ingest all those hormones too! Fermentation reduces all these. However, not all brands of yogurt are healthy; some have preservatives and that is why they have a long shelf life. This is why I advise people to make their yogurt at home. I know a particular brand that has a shelf life of three weeks because it doesn’t have any preservatives. It is made here in Nigeria. I can be consulted to give the name.

Besides the fact that they taste great , there are several great reasons to start making and eating fermented foods:

1. Eating fermented foods will introduce beneficial bacteria into your digestive system and help the balance of bacteria in the system. Probiotics have also been shown to help slow or reverse some diseases, improve bowel health, aid digestion, and improve immunity!

2. Having the proper balance of gut bacteria and enough digestive enzymes helps you absorb more of the nutrients in the foods you eat. Pair this with your healthy food diet, and you will absorb many more nutrients from the foods you eat. You won’t need as many supplements and vitamins, and you’ll be absorbing more of the live nutrients in your foods.

3. Incorporating healthy foods into your diet can get expensive, but not so with fermented foods. You can make them at home. Adding these things to your diet can also cut down on the number of supplements you need, helping the budget further.

4 Fermentation allows you to store these foods for longer periods of time without losing the nutrients like you would with traditional canning.

5. Fermentation brings out some amazing health benefits in foods.

6. Fermentation removes anti-nutrients from foods .

So, when next locust bean is added to your soup, I want you all to eat with so much relish. In fact, you can eat it raw without adding to soups!

women of rubies