Personal power plays a big part in our ability to be successful and happy. It also helps us get what we want, feel safe, and remain confident that we are playing a part in this world and not that the world is playing us.
People with personal power don’t need to shout about what they want, and they rarely make people feel inadequate or unappreciated. They have a way of being comfortable in their own skin, believing what they believe, and confidently saying their own opinions while being able to respect and honour others without feeling threatened.
This makes them best placed to serve their goals. It also makes them great leaders, great colleagues, and stable friends and loved ones.
There are several things you can do to begin the process of developing your personal power. Try these to get you started.
1.Stop Stressing
Stressing that something is not working the way it has for others just further reduces your power, making you feel more powerless, worthless and not in control. Learn to accept that not everything is in your power. People that get stressed by bad weather, for example, are often good at reducing their own power – they’re so busy concentrating on the grey day that they forget all the things they actually do have control over.
2.Learn to Listen
In a world filled with thoughts and opinions and ideas, it can be hard to distinguish between our own thoughts and someone else’s. Learn to notice where thoughts come from.
3.Practice Confidence
When you learn to listen to yourself and what you feel, you can easily be rocked into dropping your new ideas if you lack confidence. Confidence may very well be the underlying power to all of our happiness and success in life.
When it comes to personal power, when your confidence drops, your power can, too.
Failure, unkind comments, passive aggressive work colleagues, bad days, and lost opportunities should not permanently affect your confidence.
4.Have Fun
If you love dancing, paintball, surfing, or yoga, don’t let it disappear out of your life. Many clients have found positive changes in their professional lives just by reintroducing the things they love. We are quick to drop these things when we are mega busy, but don’t. It can have long term repercussions.
5.Accept Failure
Personal power can be hard to hold onto when you face failure. However, if you ever need a boost, look up all of the amazing inventions, companies, discoveries and opportunities that have come out of failure.Don’t fear failure, embrace it. It is only truly failure if you learn nothing from it.
Personal power is more than being an influencer. It’s about accepting that you have a positive influence on people and accepting your power to do so without abusing that power.
Personal power can be seen in confidence and a level of self acceptance that others are quick to recognize.
When you embrace your personal power, it will likely have an impact on:
Your work
Your personal life
Your goals.
Your friends
Your business colleagues
Your happiness
Your health
When you find your personal power, own it. It helps us all experience a real world.
Favour Osiri Wisdom is an encourager, a certified marriage and relationship mentor with The Institute of Marriage and Family Affairs USA. A certified negotiation and conflict analysis expert with (USIP). United States Institute for Peace. She is the coordinator of the foremost marriage academy in the south south region of Nigeria; The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy in the city of Port Harcourt which equips both married and intending marriage couples to acquire skills to build the marriage of their dreams.
Favour is passionate about women and girls. Having suffered so much under intense poverty growing up as the first child amongst seven children. She founded the Model Woman Foundation in 2016 where she mentors weekly organizing online seminars. She and her Pastor husband are presenters of a weekly relationship show called “For better for us” on Facebook . She recently authored two books tilted How Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T and Before You Marry.
Favour believes her background cannot keep her back on the ground and she is determined to help restore more homes. She shares her story in this inspiring and educative interview.
Childhood My childhood is full of interesting events that have shaped me into the woman I am today. I didn’t have luxury growing up so being the first child amongst 7 children; my mind was constantly processing on what next to do to make money.
I learnt how to braid hair at age 10 and every Christmas season I made money from braiding hair I wanted to go to school at all cost because at that time I was going to be the first graduate in my compound ( both in my maternal and paternal home) .The poverty around me was just too much, I sold oranges during its season, I was involved in the “bole” business (roasted fish and plantain) which I inherited from my mother.
I ran a bukka joint in a mechanic garage at age 19. In 1998 I went to NYSC orientation camp in the city where I lived at that time to do food business.
When I saw the corp members come to buy food from my stand, I remember weeping one day because I wanted to be like them. I thank God I later saved up money from my mechanic garage food business to buy forms into the Polytechnic and went on to become the first graduate in my family (maternal and paternal) with many other degrees. All of these experiences are instrumental to what I do now which is to encourage and stir women around me to rise up
Inspiration behind The Wisdom Driven Marriage Academy and The Model woman foundation The wisdom driven marriage academy kicked off in 2016 and has brought illumination to a lot of singles and married couples. The testimonies are amazing.
The Modelwoman foundation is my gift to womanhood. It was founded in 2016. I am an encourager so I never fail to shamelessly use myself as an example of a woman who dare to excel against all odds I could speak to someone for hours with the intent to make sure they move to another level.
I was doing this with women around me and I saw them began to soar and felt I could reach more women globally using technology so in 2016, we started on whatsapp with few women and today we are grateful. We now hold an online conference tagged “The Complete woman Conference and a live conference tagged “Ignite”
My books; how Not to Marry an I.D.I.O.T & Before You Marry
How not to marry an I.D.I.O.T came as a result of my personal experience of manifesting these traits in the past and my interaction with intending couples and married couples alike. I have seen people marry with all the red flags telling them not to and the marriage breaks after few months. Some people also think marriage does not require skills but it does seriously.
Infact it is the most skilled intensive venture I know because you are dealing with the emotions and destiny of people. I.D.I.O.T is an acronym for traits which are red flags telling you not to continue with the relationship. People with Idiotic attitude are not ready to learn, they want to do marriage the way they like.
A lot of marriages are going through pain because of these Idiotic attitudes. The beautiful thing about the book is that it proffers solution on how to overcome these traits as a single or married person and gives you a step by step approach to end a forever idiotic relationship.
Before You Marry is a compilation of 50 things (There might be more) to consider before you marry. The book is to help intending couples with some of the relevant questions and discussions they need to have before they walk the aisle we live in the age where people see marriage as the next thing to check on their list without asking relevant questions. Questions reveal a lot of things.
Impact of Model Woman The modelwoman foundation has been a blessing to a lot of women. Most of these women I have never met because 90% of our engagement is online.
The vision of the foundation is to build excellent legacies so we deployed the strategy of pray and learn. Weekly we pray and organize seminar sessions addressing different issues. We have testimonies of over 60 women who have started new businesses in the group, women who had no idea on what business to start when they joined us, we have marriages restored through the seminars in the group, we have women discovering their purpose and pursuing them.
We have women who have been spiritually revived, the sessions on parenting was life transforming for the women. we have single mums, divorcees in our midst whose self esteem has been restored and are doing so well. We have ladies who were so deep into being side chic to married men end the relationships and turned a new leaf, we have married women involved in illicit relationships end the relationships and became purpose driven.
Challenges I work with women mostly, the challenge has been the limiting mindset where some of them believe they can’t get to certain heights because of their gender.
Another challenge is some people think getting married is the next thing to be checked on their list without adequately preparing for marriage. They prepare for wedding and not marriage. Just like flying a plane requires skills, marriage, even relationship in the work place requires skills else the marriaage will crash like a plane manned by an ignorant person.
Some couples are excited and working hard ontheir marriage, it is not that they have not had issues, they were only equipped with tools to handle even challenging seasons in their marriage.
Other Projects I have a passion for women, I also want them to pass the same passion to their daughters so we have the Mum and Daughter Ball (MDB) which is aimed at creating that intentional bonding relationship.
The maiden edition will hold this year. I also have a project for single mums and single dads which will come up before the end of this year. The big one is the Wisdom driven marriage retreat and resorts. A place for couples to unwind and bond.
Reward The testimonies of changed lives. One incident is a single lady who has been in a relationship with a married man for many years and depended on him for financial assistance. She told me she had always wanted to end the relationship but couldn’t because of the financial assistance she was getting.
Through the sessions on the modelwoman platform, she was able to break free and has an amazing life today working and making a living. So my greatest rewards are women who have found themselves and are unapologetically living their best lives.
On the cause of broken marriages lately Ignorance is a big issue. I am a firm believer that whatever you are not skilled in, you will kill and if you keep doing it for a long time, it can kill you.. People go to different schools to acquire knowledge in different fields and that’s why they do well. Communication skills, negotiations skills, parenting skills, financial skills and many other skills to build a solid marriage.. These skills are supposed to be acquired pre and post wedding.
Most pre-marital counseling curriculum are not updated to even handle today’s peculiar challenges. When these skills are lacking, marital frustrations begins to set it.. Many people want it fast and are not ready to be patient. Another example is when you do not recognize that the spouse you married 20 years ago has changed and you also need to change.( change here means growth)
To women who are about to get married
Discover yourself before you say yes to a marriage proposal. Your purpose in life will guide your choice. Be economically empowered.
Go into marriage as an asset not a liability. Be equipped with the skills and ensure your would be husband does same. Do not give in to pressure to marry anyone just because everyone around you is getting married. You will stand alone when the heat comes as those who pressured you will be no where to be found.
Give the relationship time. Ask questions. Because I am a Christian and believe that God ordained marriage, I will encourage that women talk to God about their proposed spouse or marriage. Also don’t be carried away by emotions, ensure both of you are agreeable.
My Inspiration My husband is my number one inspiration and cheer leader. The way he handles pressures and responds when there is a challenge is inspiring.
My 3 wise children constantly push me to study because of the enormous potential they carry. Every day I want to become a better parent who will continually unleash their potential for them to impact their world.
Being a woman of Rubies Wow! I decided long ago I was going to make a positive mark on every woman I meet. So intentionally mentoring them and ensuring they follow the process to make progress is what I think makes me a woman of rubies.
When we as women collaborate and not compete we will achieve so much because value is in people not places.
God has trapped what we need in relationships. Having the skills to find and nurture these relationships as women will make life so easy. So I must commend Women of Rubies for what they are doing by celebrating women. That’s the spirit!
Final words of advice for women all over the world Lookout for other women in your community, office, neighborhood. Collaborate, don’t compete. Aspire to the highest level God has designed for you. Don’t think because you are a woman you are inferior; you are the express image of God. Learn from other women. Celebrate a sister whose time of shinning has come and you will attract same.
4:35 AM- Almost time for Lolo’s 5 am run. She is awake but still laying in bed; her body aches from the workout of last night but she knows she has to run to also release her muscles.
4:45 AM- Sports gear is worn; she’s trying to fit her foot into her sneakers when she hears something.
Lolo 1 – Why are you jogging today? Your body is so sore, rest a bit.
Lolo 2 – Rest? Put on your sneakers and let’s go!
Oh! Oh! They are here again- battle of the inner voices- Who’s going to win this morning, Lolo thinks to herself. She puts on her sneakers, ready to stretch at home before walking to the road to start her run.
Lolo 1 – Babe o! Oya after this stretch why don’t you just do abs at home or something- shea its workout na.
Lolo 2 – Don’t stretch at home; walk to the junction and stretch – It’s a trap! And also, play your favorite motivational audio as you walk to the junction.
I will not stop by Ben Lionel Scott is playing in her earpiece as she walks to the junction- she decides not to do her normal routine stretch but instead substitute it for a light jog as the warm-up.
She begins to jog.
Lolo 1 – This pace no bad o! Why don’t you maintain this pace until the end?
Lolo2 – She’s barely breaking a sweat- what exactly is your mission here? Lolo! Warm up is over – Let’s Run!
She is tired, she wants to run but her body is giving up on her. She begins to step – Left foot! Right foot until she was fully immersed in the euphoria from the jog.
Throughout the run, she continues to listen to Lolo2 because she knows that the more she listens and obeys, the weaker Lolo1 gets; but she’s also aware that Lolo1 is relentless- she doesn’t quit even when one is almost at the finish line.
Two minutes away from her final destination- it’s time for the sprint, she begins to hype herself for it
Lolo1 – No go wound yourself o! See those guys over there will just laugh at you
Lolo2 – Why do you care if they laugh?
I don’t!
Lolo2 – Good! So sprint and oh! Hope you didn’t forget the 100 squats and wall push-ups waiting at home.
Lolo is done with her run, squats, and wall-push up. Another day of defeating Lolo1 – wow! Almost unbelievable considering how close they used to be! God pass Devil last last! Tomorrow we fight again!
Mental Toughness
There is a tale that goes something like this:
An old Cherokee told his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.”
The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”
Every one of us have many voices within us but the one we feed and nurture becomes the default voice we hear!
How can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation?
So many of us have set goals for ourselves but we feel that we need the motivation to start or continue. We like the voice that makes it easier for us.
We want to drop 10kg but that puff puff woman is right at our doorstep- and even when we know that it’s not on our meal plan, the voice convinces us that just 3 small puff puff won’t do any harm.
We want to write more or shoot that video but my goodness! We don’t have the zeal yet. We post one week and the next week – radio silence. We are unable to follow our schedules because we need the motivation to work.
But how can we be productive and achieve our goals relying on something as fickle as motivation? We fail to realize that we need to train our minds to follow what we want.
Have you not seen some people who are not as talented or intelligent as you are but they keep soaring? You don’t understand it because you know you have the right recipe for success but it’s not forthcoming. The truth is that our talent doesn’t count here, that intellect we take pride in can’t always be there to help us!
Researches have shown that intelligence only accounts for 30% of our achievements and that’s the extreme upper hand – What makes a bigger impact is our MENTAL TOUGHNESS.
The ability to do what we need to do, when no one is watching and willing to reward us for your decision – even when we are frustrated, our ability to look past it and train that voice of faith to be so powerful that it drowns the other voices.
Developing mental strength requires that we make conscious decisions to do what needs to be done on a DAILY BASIS and not only when we feel good or motivated. We need to continue to work the muscle of the mind because many times, we are not weak, just our minds.
And just like James Clear says- Mental toughness is an abstract quality, but in the real world it’s tied to concrete actions. You can’t magically think your way to becoming mentally tough, you prove it to yourself by doing something in real life.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Do Have a great week and I hope you continue to prove it to yourself that you can achieve anything you want, once you set your mind to it.
Lolo Cynthia Is a public health specialist, sexuality educator and founder of the social enterprise LoloTalks, that employs all forms of media (online and offline) to create awareness and sustainable solutions to our contemporary social and health issues in Africa. She also doubles as a documentary and talk show producer andlends her voice on issues regarding interpersonal relationships, sexuality, gender, and social issues through her YouTube channel LoloTalks and her blog.
The Arise Arise Initiative (@Ariyikeariseinitiative) held their end of the year Declutter for Charity outreach at Olodi Twin Treasure Academy, Ajegunle, Lagos where they donated School bags, Shoes, Clothes, food items and toiletries to Children in Ajegunle.
The team was led by the founder of Ariyike Arise Initiative), Nigerian Humanitarian/ Media Personality, Ariyike Akinbobola and the founder of Dreams of Brighter Days Initiative, Eric Obuh aka Vocal Slender. The slogan for their end of year outreach “Your junk is someone else’s treasure” was a reminder that if you give out those things you don’t need anymore, they will be treasured by those who do not have.
The Children jubilated as they were given the opportunity to choose what they wanted from the donated items of both new and fairly used items. Some of the Children took off their old, worn out shoes and wore the Shoes they just got from the Ariyike Arise team. The kids enjoyed themselves and went home motivated as they listened to the guest speakers talk to them about the topic of discussion: Impossible is just a word, I’m Possible.
Some of the Children under the Ariyike Arise scholarship were delighted when they met the founder and members of the Ariyike arise team. The Children also displayed their talent with a Musical Performance for the guest speakers.
The event was supported by Bellanaija, Elanred Store, Equipped to Excel, Pavian Cakes, Crystal Lenox, Plural Inc Entertainment and Mademoiselle Foundation.
Lola Okoye has come out to explain how she handles all the negativity around her.
The beautiful mother of two and wife to singer, Peter Okoye (Mr P) made this known via her Instagram page on Tuesday, November 27, 2018.
In a long post, Lola said
“what people think about you is none of your business. This constant need for validation from random people is so unhealthy”, she said
“People send me DM’s asking me how I remain sane and composed when so much negativity is thrown my way and my answer to you is simple: Anger only hurts you! What people think of you is none of your business, you just need to live your truth! When your sense of satisfaction and self-worth is derived from the opinions of strangers then truly you are not in control of your happiness. This constant need of validation from randoms is so unhealthy. We are always told to stay away from negative vibes or negative people but then how will you grow your Love and Compassion if there is no one to upset you, hate you, hurt you or rub you the wrong way?
“Only YOU are responsible for your pyschic hygiene, only you can clear and fill your energy with love and goodness every day, no one can do it for you and you can only do so through life experiences good and bad. Aim to be kind to your enemies and haters. Your acts of kindness are never wasted because ultimately, God sees your heart and that is really what matters at the end of the day. Wishing you a blessed week my Insta-fam! ❤❤❤ #lollipop #truth #love,” she wrote.
Sometimes the hardest thing about saving money is just getting started. This step-by-step guide on how to save money can help you develop a simple and realistic plan to save for goals, big or small.
Record your expenses
The first step to saving money is to figure out how much you spend. Keep track of all your expenses—that means every coffee, household item and cash tip. Once you have your data, organize the numbers by categories, such as gas, groceries and mortgage, and total each amount. Consider using your credit card or bank statements to help you with this.
Make a budget
Once you have an idea of what you spend in a month, you can begin to organize your recorded expenses into a workable budget. Your budget should outline how your expenses measure up to your income—so you can plan your spending and limit overspending. In addition to your monthly expenses, be sure to factor in expenses that occur regularly but not every month, such as car maintenance.
Plan on saving money
Now that you’ve made a budget, create a savings category within it. Try to save 10 to 15 percent of your income. If your expenses are so high that you can’t save that much, it might be time to cut back. To do so, identify nonessentials that you can spend less on, such as entertainment and dining out, and find ways to save on your fixed monthly expenses.
Tip: Consider the money you put into savings a regular expense, similar to groceries, to reinforce good savings habits.
Choose something to save for
One of the best ways to save money is to set a goal. Start by thinking of what you might want to save for—perhaps you’re getting married, planning a vacation or saving for retirement. Then figure out how much money you’ll need and how long it might take you to save it.
Here are some examples of short- and long-term goals:
Short-term (1–3 years)
– Emergency fund (3–9 months
of living expenses, just in case)
– Vacation
– Down payment for a car
Long-term (4+ years)
– Down payment on a home or a
remodeling project
– Your child’s education
– Retirement
If you’re saving for retirement or your child’s education, consider putting that money into an investment account such as an IRA or 529 plan. While investments come with risks and can lose money, they also create the opportunity for compounded returns if you plan for an event far in advance.
Decide on your priorities
After your expenses and income, your goals are likely to have the biggest impact on how you allocate your savings. Be sure to remember long-term goals—it’s important that planning for retirement doesn’t take a back seat to shorter-term needs. Learn how to prioritize your savings goals so you have a clear idea of where to start saving. For example, if you know you’re going to need to replace your car in the near future, you could start putting money away for one now.
Make saving automatic
Almost all banks offer automated transfers between your checking and savings accounts. You can choose when, how much and where to transfer money or even split your direct deposit so a portion of every paycheck goes directly into your savings account. Splitting your direct deposit and setting up automated transfers are simple ways to save money since you don’t have to think about it, and it generally reduces the temptation to spend the money instead.
Watch your savings grow
Review your budget and check your progress every month. Not only will this help you stick to your personal savings plan, but it also helps you identify and fix problems quickly. These simple ways to save may even inspire you to save more money every day and hit your goals faster.
