motherhood - Women of Rubies

In Career Gems December 16, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Woman Announces Search For Surrogate, And N1.2 Million As Cash Reward

A woman took to Twitter to announce she’s in search of a surrogate mum and Nigerians have a lot to say about the requirements and the payment.

The Twitter user said the surrogate mum will be paid 1.2 million Naira for the embryo transfer, carrying the baby to term, and giving birth.

She specified that birth must be through CS.

To apply, the woman must be above 160cm in height, must have been pregnant before and must be “good looking”. Other requirements include genotype and blood group.

Twitter users reacted saying the amount the surrogate mum will be paid is too small for what is required of her.

Some pointed out that the embryo transfer process is painful, tasking, and sometimes lengthy as they may have to try multiple times before success is recorded. They also pointed out the changes to the woman’s body for 9 months and how she will be unable to live a normal life during that period.

To make matters worse, she has to suffer the pain of the incision scars and may take too long to heal from the CS surgery.

See some reactions below

In self development February 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

CHILDREN INHERIT THEIR INTELLIGENCE FROM THEIR MOTHER NOT THEIR FATHER- SCIENTIST

A mother’s genetics determines how clever her children are, according to researchers, and the father makes no difference.

Women are more likely to transmit intelligence genes to their children because they are carried on the X chromosome and women have two of these, while men only have one.

But in addition to this, scientists now believe genes for advanced cognitive functions which are inherited from the father may be automatically deactivated.

A category of genes known as “conditioned genes” are thought to work only if they come from the mother in some cases and the father in other cases. Intelligence is believed to be among the conditioned genes that have to come from the mother.

Laboratory studies using genetically modified mice found that those with an extra dose of maternal genes developed bigger heads and brains, but had little bodies. Those with an extra dose of paternal genes had small brains and larger bodies.

Researchers identified cells that contained only maternal or paternal genes in six different parts of the mouse brains which controlled different cognitive functions, from eating habits to memory.

Cells with paternal genes accumulated in parts of the limbic system, which is involved in functions such as sex, food and aggression. But researchers did not find any paternal cells in the cerebral cortex, which is where the most advanced cognitive functions take place, such as reasoning, thought, language and planning.

Concerned that people might not be like mice, researchers in Glasgow took a more human approach to exploring intelligence. They found the theories extrapolated from mice studies bear out in reality when they interviewed 12,686 young people between the ages of 14 and 22 every year from 1994. Despite taking into account several factors, from the participants education to their race and socio-economic status, the team still found the best predictor of intelligence was the IQ of the mother.

However, research also makes it clear that genetics are not the only determinant of intelligence – only 40 to 60 per cent of intelligence is estimated to be hereditary, leaving a similar chunk dependent on the environment.

But mothers have also been found to play an extremely significant role in this non-genetic part of intelligence, with some studies suggesting a secure bond between mother and child is intimately tied to intelligence.

Researchers at the University of Washington found that a secure emotional bond between a mother and child is crucial for the growth of some parts of the brain. After analysing the way a group of mothers related to their children for seven years, the researchers found children who were supported emotionally and had their intellectual needs fulfilled had a 10 per cent larger hippocampus at 13 on average than children whose mothers were emotionally distant. The hippocampus is an area of the brain associated with memory, learning and stress response.

A strong bond with the mother is thought to give a child a sense of security which allows them to explore the world, and the confidence to solve problems. In addition, devoted, attentive mothers tend to help children solve problems, further helping them to reach their potential.

Of course, there’s no reason why fathers can’t play as big a nurture role as mothers. And researchers point out that a whole array of other gene determined traits – like intuiton and emotions – which can be inherited from the father are also key to unlocking potential intelligence, so fathers – don’t despair.

Source: Independent UK

In self development January 28, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

98 YEAR OLD MOM MOVES TO NURSING HOME TO LOOK AFTER 80 YEAR OLD SON

A mother will do anything for her children, no matter how old they get. A 98-year-old mom went viral. But why? She decided to move into the same nursing home her son was in so she could look after him.

Ada Keating is the amazing woman who wanted nothing more than to be by her son’s side when she needed him the most. Even in her old age, this mom knows best, and it seems that both mom and son are thankful for the companionship in the picture below.

Tom Keating, Ada’s son, became a resident at Moss View care home in Huyton, Liverpool, back in 2016 since he needed more care than he could receive at home. The following year, his mother Ada decided she couldn’t bear being without him. Therefore, she moved into the same nursing home to be with him. Mom and son are so thankful they get to spend so much time together, and they enjoy watching TV and playing games to pass the time.

MEET THE KEATINGS

Ada and Tom were born in Wavertree, Liverpool, and have always been close. That’s because Tom has lived with his mother for all his adult life, never having been married. Ada said they have a routine in place so he knows what to expect. “I say goodnight to Tom in his room every night and I’ll go and say good morning to him,” she said. “I’ll tell him I’m coming down for breakfast.”

Ada says that they still have a deep bond even in their older age. “When I go out to the hairdressers he’ll look for me to see when I’m coming back,” she said. “When I get back he’ll come to me with his arms outstretched and give me a big hug. You never stop being a mum.” Tom added, “They’re very good here and I’m happy to see my mum more now she lives here. Sometimes she’ll say ‘behave yourself.’ She’s very good at looking after me.”

Tom is the oldest of four children; he had three sisters, Barbara, Margi, and Janet who passed away at 13. Tom worked as a painter and decorator before his retirement. Ada worked as a nurse at Mill Road Hospital before she retired. Their family members visit them often at home and are happy to see the two back together again. Some days, up to five generations of the Keating family come visiting!

Debi Higham, Ada’s granddaughter, comes to visit the two often. She said, “There’s no parting them. It’s reassuring for us that they’re both getting looked after 24/7.”

BELOVED BY THE NURSING HOME STAFF

The manager at the nursing home, Philip Daniels, said he’s happy the pair can be together at his facility.

“It’s very touching to see the close relationship both Tom and Ada share and we are so pleased we were able to accommodate both of their needs,” he revealed.

He added, “It’s very rare to see mothers and their children together in the same care home and we certainly want to make their time together as special as possible. They are inseparable.”

Isn’t this such a heartwarming story of a Mom and son’s unbreakable bond? If it touched your heart, please share with your friends and family!

In Interviews&profile January 24, 2020 By Editor

8 Mom’s Platform To Follow On Instagram

Instagram has become a great place to get current news, latest celebrity updates and lifestyle hacks almost about anything. More people are willing to share about their personal lives daily.

As a mom, here are 8 amazing platforms on Instagram in no particular order, to get information about parenting, and to help you navigate the task of motherhood while seeking work life balance:

1.LagosMums

This an online community of moms, sharing parenting tips on how to raise your child. Yetty Williams a parenting coach, is the founder. They hold events and also have a review section for parents. They have broad contents from parenting to capacity building, events and workshops and networking. You can follow them @lagosmums

2. AugustSecrets

This amazing platform shares colourful meal plans and nutrition for your kids. It is owned by Toyin Onigbanji an award winning entrepreneur. Foods high in nutrient density are displayed in ways to spark creativity in mothers. Nutrition tips are also shared. You can follow them @augustsecrets.ng

3. Mummyclinicc

This platform is managed by child psychologist and certified child sleep expert and potty trainer; Temi Olajide, who shares tips on how to effectively interact with your kids and teaching them proper ways to behave. It helps moms to understand how children behave while sharing parenting tips. You can follow them @mummyclinicc

3. Mamalette.

The reality of pregnancy, and everyday parenting is shared here, most times using quotes a mother can relate with. Little babies and toddlers are the focus in this platforms. It was created by Anike Lawal who has over 7 years experience in Business Development and Management. You can follow them @mamaletteng

5. Motherhood Nigeria

This community shares resources for getting pregnant, when pregnant and how to nurture your children. It was founded by Abiodun Alabi a HR Pro and entrepreneur. Myths and facts are shared here and they are quite versatile. You can follow them @motherhoodnigeria

6.Pregnancy and Beyond

This is a fun, fact and tips sharing platform. They share personal experiences of other moms for motivation. It is filled with interesting contents on the journey of pregnancy and the beauty of motherhood. You can follow them @pregnnancybeyond

7. Lagos Housewives

This platform shares meal recipes, for moms to try, owned by Rayo Abe, a writer and a cook. There are also engaging contents displaying current happenings and activities.You can follow them @lagoshousewives

8.Imumzone

Real mom stories and baby issues are shared here. It was founded by Modupe Enyinla, a beauty entrepreneur. Pregnancy tips and all a mom needs for her motherhood journey are talked about. Products are also reviewed creating brand awareness. You can follow them @imumzone

In self development December 5, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

RITA CHIDINMA: HEY NEW MOM, SO WHAT IF YOUR BODY HAS CHANGED?

It occurred to me that no one really prepared women for the changes in their bodies caused by pregnancy and childbearing. So we often struggled with it: from deflated breasts to big stomach club, to postpartum weight gain, to stretch marks, and so on. From the chat, I realized that it was such a serious issue that some women even stopped feeling attractive or desirable because of it and this affected the rhythm of things in their homes.

London Bridge has fallen? As in my no-bra days are over”?

Sonia’s question caused a ripple of laughter in the group.

“You haven’t even experienced it feeling like water sef” Ada opined. This caused further laughter, crying and lots of smileys on the group chat.

I was cradling my little one and couldn’t comment much at that particular time but I don’t think I had ever had that much fun reading the conversations in our young mom’s group. Apparently, Sonia, a first time mom who had just concluded her six months exclusive breastfeeding, was having a hard time processing and accepting the changes in the appearance of her boobs.

“But they used to be so perky” she insisted. Fellow young moms were laughing and typing all kinds of hilarious comments. The moms with older kids in the group were trying to convince her to take it in stride, move on, and buy “lovely bras”.

I realized that was exactly what I did with my own body changes. I “took it in stride”. It occurred to me that no one really prepared women for the changes in their bodies caused by pregnancy and childbearing. So we often struggled with it: from deflated breasts to big stomach club, to postpartum weight gain, to stretch marks, and so on. From the chat, I realized that it was such a serious issue that some women even stopped feeling attractive or desirable because of it and this affected the rhythm of things in their homes.

It then got me thinking, how best can we deal with the changes in our bodies as mothers?

Accept it for what it is

Living in denial about the bodily changes is always counterproductive. Not only that, it’ll affect your mood, attitude and inevitably, your happiness. To fix a problem, you have to first identify that it is there, then you make adequate plans to tackle it.

Deal with the things you can and forget about the rest

You could register at a local gym nearby and get to work; or if you’re pressed for time like me, you could start using a skipping rope in your spare time. No pressure. It took about 9 months for your stomach, for instance, to expand in order to accommodate your little one. So it’s only logical that it’ll take about that same time to return to normal. You could download apps for dieting and all that, but essentially, take things easy. Join some new moms group on social media just to keep you afloat when you feel low, or talk with an OG like me, haha.

So you can’t fit into your old clothes and it’s making you feel less confident? It’s okay. Just make the decision to start doing something about it. Even if you don’t return to your previous size, you’ll feel good knowing you did something about it.

You’re beautiful and your scars are even more beautiful.

Rita Chidinma

Rita Chidinma is a Post graduate researcher at Federal University of Technology, Owerri with a passion for creative writing and fiction. She is a highly intuitive and deep thinker who uses writing as a means of self expression. In her free time she loves reading, writing and writing some more. She is a wife and mother to three kids. She can be reached on Instagram and Twitter (@theritzz_) or through email, chdinmaasogwa@gmail.com

Source: Bellanaija

In self development October 30, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MOTHERS ARE SLEEP DEPRIVED FOR THE FIRST 6 YEARS OF PARENTHOOD

No one expects to get a ton of sleep when they have a newborn at home, but most of us believe that we’ll get more sleep when the kids are older.

New research suggests that’s a myth that sets parents up for frustration because parents (particularly mothers) are still sleep deprived four to six years after bringing a baby home.

The study examined the sleep patterns of 4,659 German parents who had a child between 2008 and 2015 and found that parents’ sleep duration and satisfaction don’t recover to pre-pregnancy levels until the first child is in first grade.

Parents of older children often feel like they shouldn’t be as tired as they are since they no longer have a baby at home, but this study proves that sleep deprivation doesn’t end when your child starts sleeping in a big kid bed. It continues, and we can’t address the problem if we don’t acknowledge it.

“While having children is a major source of joy for most parents it is possible that increased demands and responsibilities associated with the role as a parent lead to shorter sleep and decreased sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child,” says Dr. Sakari Lemola, of the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick.

And moms get less sleep than dads, a trend that starts right away and lasts until elementary school. Researchers found that in the first three months after a baby is born, mothers sleep on average one hour less than before pregnancy. In those first three months, dads lose out on about 15 minutes.

“Women tend to experience more sleep disruption than men after the birth of a child reflecting that mothers are still more often in the role of the primary caregiver than fathers,” says Dr. Lemola.

By the time the kids in the study were 4 to 6 years old the moms were still missing out on about 20 minutes of sleep, while dad’s sleep deficiency remained steady at 15 minutes below the pre-kids duration.

“We didn’t expect to find that, but we believe that there are certainly many changes in the responsibilities you have,” Dr. Lemola told The Guardian, explaining that kids may stop crying at night as they grow up, but they may wake up feeling sick or due to nightmares, and that stress related to parenting can also keep parents up at night.

First-time parents lose the most sleep compared to more experienced parents, the research notes, and in the first one and a half years of a child’s life, breastfeeding moms lost more sleep compared to bottle-feeding moms.

It may seem kind of bleak to think that you’ll still be losing sleep when your child is in kindergarten, but it’s important for parents to know this so we can set realistic expectations and give ourselves grace when we need it.

You can have a 4-year-old and be almost as tired as you were when they were 4 months old. It’s okay if you need to sneak in a nap today, or if you fall into bed tonight with your mascara on.

There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing wrong with your kiddo. It’s just a part of parenting.

The good news is, parents don’t get more sleep deprived the more kids they have. Whether you have one under six or three under six, you’re still only going to lose 20 minutes.

If you are feeling really sleep deprived, don’t be afraid to ask your village for help. If your partner, co-parent, a grandparent or trusted babysitter can stand in for you overnight, let them help you and get the sleep you need.

One day your kids will sleep through the night, but it’s okay to ask for help until that day comes.

Source: Motherly

In self development October 22, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

MY BIRTH STORY: I GAVE BIRTH IN A CAR – KATHERINE NEWMAN

I was as prepared as I could be for my body to run the marathon that is childbirth, yet it turned out to be more like a sprint.

You see, I gave birth in a car—and I felt invincible.

During pregnancy, I chose to create a positive experience. I sought all the research I could. I watched birth videos and documentaries, read birth stories, learned about the stages of labor, recorded coping techniques, drank red raspberry leaf tea, and ate all the dates. I sought care, prepared my cookies and teas, gathered breastfeeding cream, a pump, and belly bind. I folded baby’s diapers and clothes, praying for those important first weeks.

Perhaps the most important thing I did was to join a due date group with like-minded mamas to learn and grow with, and to share all the information, research and tips we could.

Much of my preparation was mental and spiritual prep-work. I read tons of books about birth, including faith-based books about labor, a practical guide to an “emergency” birth, and a natural pregnancy and childbirth guidebook. (And yes, I did end up using knowledge of each of these resources!)

Each of my two births were very different. With my first child’s birth, I did not know much about birth or my options. My water broke at the onset of labor and I labored grudgingly in the one hour car ride to the hospital. Once there, I begged for an epidural.

This time around, though, I approached labor differently.

I chose to experience unmedicated labor, even though it isn’t an easily understood decision. There were so many unsolicited opinions from people about what I should do with my body, and it was hard to not feel bombarded with all of the negative talk surrounding birth. But by having the support of the due date group and learning the wisdom that has been passed down in generations about childbirth, I wasn’t deterred in my decision.

I knew that I needed to focus on not being overtaken by the potential overwhelm of birth. I remembered that I had a right to informed consent and that I could find kind of positive help I needed to give birth the way I knew I needed to. I chose to memorize biblical and positive affirmations to recite during birth to help calm myself through the contractions, and focus on what’s at hand, rather than panic.

Labor began

The day my son came, I woke up before the sun at 4am and headed for the bathroom. I felt nauseous and achy like I was going to throw up and have diarrhea all at once. It was a very distinct, disgusting feeling throughout my body. Yet even with that feeling, I was in denial that labor was really starting.

My water was intact, and I was expecting my water to break at the onset of labor, as it did with my first. I was having some contractions, although extremely erratic. They were not consistent with clockwork, but they didn’t stop, either. I would have a contraction that lasted five seconds, then a break for 20 minutes. Another contraction, this time for 20 seconds, and a break for seven minutes. I tried using an app to track and time the contractions for a bit, but ultimately that proved to cause more anxiety than peace.

So I turned the app off, and focused on being present. I was so calm. I let the contractions come and go. My family didn’t even know I was in labor until they woke up with the sunrise! (I didn’t want to wake everyone up—silly me, being in active labor!)

I was grateful to labor on my own in a quiet house in the early pre-dawn hours before the house and outside world woke up. I kept my composure, breathed through contractions, read and prayed, and let the birth process happen on its own.

When the contractions did not stop, I realized this was the real thing.

Once everyone was awake, I realized that I should probably be doing more to prepare, like get to help! We haphazardly packed a bag and rushed out the door to drive an hour to the place chosen to have our baby. I was not excited for that long car ride. I remember laboring in the car before, and it was miserable for me. I also knew how quick my past labor had been, and had this deep feeling, perhaps a mother’s intuition, that we wouldn’t make it to our destination in time.

I knew that this labor was progressing very quickly, and the baby was going to be born soon. Yet we went.

Giving birth in the car

My family got into the car and we drove, planning to meet more family at the hospital to take over the care of our toddler for a few days.

I labored in the car for 40 minutes until the ring of fire came. I knew what this meant: He was crowning, and we had to park. I tried to get into the best squat position I could, facing the seat, relieved that the car had stopped at this point. I repeated my affirmations over and over, and tried to focus on staying as calm as possible.

And he was born in the car, in the back of a small town grocery parking lot.

My baby was 6 pounds and 6 ounces, born at 9:15 in the morning, as I was facing the seat backward and squatting in the passenger seat of the car.

I didn’t really push. A combination of by body’s contractions and gravity seemed to do all the work. I was squatting upright, and the baby to just sort of plopped out. Head first into the car seat, with my hand to guide his head down, and a bit of the cord and fluids followed.

I attempted to squat fairly awkwardly in the seat to hold my fresh son and rub the vernix into his sweet skin. We were in love, and I felt invincible. I immediately felt relief of all the pain and tension. The rush of oxytocin and hormones from birth made me feel on top of the world. (In that moment, I almost forgot that my toddler was in the backseat watching, eyes wide open—he was so quiet!)

The ambulance was called, we were checked out, and all was well. I waddled to the ambulance while the EMTs held towels around me and baby. They needed to take me to the hospital to make sure we were okay. I sat in the back of the ambulance stroking my baby, relieved to have more space to stretch out.

At the hospital, we sat in a room for a while until they figured out what to do with us, since the baby was already here. We stayed overnight and I reflected on the birth as I could.

Reflecting on my car birth

In some ways, I was sad. This is not what I wanted first moments with my son to be like. Although I was prepared for birth and felt incredible afterward, I felt sort of exposed to the world during the process. My body was depleted—and ultimately, my baby was born in the car (not exactly something that was on my bucket list).

I felt grief for the way (or rather, place) that my labor happened. But I was also thankful for a powerful, unmedicated birth. I grieved the loss of expectations, while being thankful for the reality. And that’s okay.

I did it. We did it. This birth was a sprint, not the marathon so many women talk about.

Nothing about my labor and contractions were predictable. I did not have much knowledge about birth before I was pregnant, but the preparation during my pregnancy helped me feel more at ease. Despite the situation, I didn’t feel that it was challenging. I felt able, or at least as able or prepared as any mother can be, for labor.

The feeling of being in labor is indescribable—the juxtaposition between pregnancy and postpartum, the time in labor where you are in the hyphen of here and there, a time that forever changes your life and family.

It was truly vulnerable and powerful—an unusual presence of two feelings that left me over-the-moon. As soon as my son was born, the feeling of pain was gone, just like that. And in its place was exhilaration; a rush of adrenaline and awe. I did it completely on my own, in the front passenger seat of the car!

Our bodies are absolute miracles. I grew into a mother of two that day, and with that, my new mission was born: to help other mothers learn and experience the feeling of being empowered by your birth and labor, not in fear of it. I decided to become a birth and postpartum doula, to empower, coach and be alongside other mothers in their own journey in birth and motherhood.

Source: Mother

In self development September 24, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

10 WAYS TO BE A HAPPIER MOM

When your baby is catapulted into the world, you can’t help but feel joy. You echo the words of Leah in Genesis 30:13, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” But those first moments of bliss are quickly tried by crying infants, sleep deprivation, and all sorts of challenges.

According to a Barna study, eight in ten moms feel overwhelmed by stress. Only nineteen percent of moms report being extremely satisfied as a mom. You know if you hang your happiness on your children’s behavior, you may have to wait a while before you can break into a wide grin.

But there is good news. If you can tap into the joy that comes from obeying Christ and being in his presence, you can be a happier mom no matter what is happening. Happiness (pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness) is actually something you can increase in your life by your thoughts and actions. Here are ten ways to help you be a happier mom:

1. Discipline With Action, Not Tone

You’ve probably yelled this before: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Most likely, you were the one at your wits end while your child was unmoved. Instead of using long explanations or threatening tones, use actions and consequences that will stop your child in his/her tracks. For instance, when my daughter dawdled at breakfast (again), we simply took the food away and served it for lunch. No fanfare or emotion necessary.

2. Drop the Guilt

Don’t fall prey to the victim mentality that makes you feel like a loser all the time. Notice your negative self-talk and seek to turn your bad guilt into good guilt. Bad guilt says “I’m no good” but good guilt says “I did something wrong and I need to fix it.” Focus on the things you can fix and stop expecting perfection from yourself. Failure is an event; not a person.

3. Do Less for Your Kids

Are you still packing lunches for your sixth grader? It’s time to stop. Don’t do for your children the things they can do for themselves. Whether it’s tying shoelaces, homework, or washing dishes, we need to give our kids increased responsibilities as they get older. It will not only make you saner as a mom, it will prepare your children well for independence and adulthood.

4. Pray with Other Moms

The Lord God Almighty stands ready to hear and answer your requests for your children. Make prayer a regular part of your mom life. To add accountability and power, invite another mom to pray with you weekly for your children. You can visit www.MomsinPrayer.org to see if there is a group of moms praying for your child’s school.

5. Focus on the Yes

Motherhood can feel like a big NO. “No, don’t touch that.” “No, I can’t go. I have to watch my kids.” Instead of putting the emphasis on no, find places to emphasize the yes in motherhood like, “Yes, let’s have some fun.” “Yes, let’s do that service project as a family.” “Yes, let’s save up for a family vacation.”

6. Listen to Your Body

Remember what you hear over and over on flights? In case of emergency, place your own oxygen mask on first, and then help your children. We often sacrifice our health because we’re busy with our mom duties. Make sure you listen and respond to your body. Get a good night’s sleep, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods that will act as fuel.

7. Streamline Your Family Activities

Is your schedule running you ragged? Do you regret saying yes to soccer, baseball, piano, and gymnastics? At your next opportunity, choose less. Perhaps have your children do the same activity to lessen your drive time.

8. Have a Game Plan for Screen Time

The average child age 8-18 spends more than seven hours per day looking at screens. If you don’t have a game plan, it’s just too easy for free time to get gobbled up by mindless screen time. Use technology to bring you together as a family with activities like Friday night movie night and Skyping family members.

9. Seek a Mentor

If you want to learn how to cook, you learn from a cook. In the same way, if you want to learn to be a happier mom, you find a happy mom. Take this mom out to coffee and ask her to share her secrets. It’s extremely helpful to have a trusted advisor who can pray with you and answer questions about what’s happening with your kids.

10. Remember Your Blessing

In the day to day race of motherhood, we can forget how fortunate we are to have kids in the first place. Psalm 113:9 says, “He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.” Imagine what your life would be like if your kids were taken away. Be grateful for your children each day.

Which of these ten ideas resonates with you the most?

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Family Life Today, The 700 Club and Turning Point with David Jeremiah. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.

In self development September 18, 2019 By Editor

RITA CHIDINMA: MY BABY WAS JUST 6 MONTHS OLD WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN!

I was sitting at the hospital, cradling my six-month-old son, trying to process the information I had just received. How could I be more than three months pregnant, and have a six-month-old baby? How? I mean, I was exclusively breastfeeding. We had just introduced my son to water and puree foods. How?

I couldn’t believe it. I don’t know for how long I sat on that hospital bench before I decided I was strong enough to leave. The tests had to be wrong. Surely. Nigerian hospitals, probably my blood sample had been mistaken for someone else’s. There had to be a mistake somewhere.

I was really pregnant.

So we had two boys, exactly eleven months and three weeks apart. Crazy, right? During those nine months I completely shut myself off from everything and everyone, ghosted, like the millennials call it. I couldn’t believe I was in such a situation. Needless to say that it was one of the most difficult periods of my life. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I believed things would get better once we had the baby. I was borderline depressed.

Labour eventually came, and I almost didn’t survive the day. I was in so much pain, probably because my body was tired and had very little or no time at all to recover from the first birth.

On that bed I kept wondering how I got into that situation, and if I could ever get out. But we survived. My second son came, finally, and I thought it was all over. I could move on with my life. I’d never have another child. All I had to do was return back to my normal self and raise them. Sigh. Little did I know.

We were completely unprepared for the reality of having two babies that were twins, yet not twins. We had to employ a series of helps and nannies that initially came to help, but took advantage of the situation and began to make all kinds of demands. We had to endure, because, I mean, we actually were helpless. The hubby worked full time, and so had to be away most of the time. But he helped as much as he could. I was a corp member then, and had been given maternity leave, so I was home full time. I can vaguely recall one of the nannies telling the hubby, “You know this your wife likes to keep her face somehow.”

At a point, we found ourselves completely alone with two babies, two of them so similar and yet so different. Most nights, with my sleep-clogged eyes, I couldn’t tell which particular baby was crying until I got to their cribs. Suffice it to say that it was a very trying time for me.

So I’m thinking that it’s either exclusive breastfeeding is not a reliable means of contraception, or I’m one of the very few it has failed for. Either way, it was a very difficult experience, one I never wish to relive again. Oh, and the boys are all grown up now, with the second one well over two years old, with a few weeks old baby sister.

I guess it all worked out in the end.

Credit: Rita Chidinma, Bella Naija

In self development July 28, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

YETTY WILLIAMS: HOW PARENTS KILL THEIR CHILDREN’S CONFIDENCE

As parents or caregivers, we want our children to grow strong and healthy. We also want them to have healthy confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we may do things that actually hurt our children’s confidence and self-esteem instead of helping it.
Here are five ways parents can kill children’s confidence:

. Comparing them to others:
Instead of motivating your child to improve, comparisons will most likely make your child have low self-esteem. It is never a good idea to draw comparisons between siblings or those within their peer group. Children need to know that they are accepted and loved for who they are, not because they are better or not as “good” as another. You do not want them to feel like they have to act like someone else to get your approval.

. Always solving their problems for them:
Constantly solving a child’s problems or correcting their mistakes deprives them of a chance to learn, mature and develop self-confidence. This will ruin their chances of developing the skills and confidence required to navigate through life. When children solve their problems, even if they do not get it right, it is a great way to learn problem-solving skills.
Also, are you in the habit of speaking up for your child even when they are old enough to speak for themselves? This can make your child become withdrawn and lose confidence in their ability to speak for themselves. Allow your child to express themselves both in private and in public.

. Always shouting and nagging about their mistakes
Shouting at your children when helping them out with homework, or teaching them a skill can kill their confidence. As a parent, you have to be patient with your child. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child’s learning and growth process. At some point when you ask a question, they will be too scared to answer because of your shouting habit. Always correct them with care and make them feel that they can do it. But don’t over-pamper them. Teaching your child to accept mistakes and failures positively is a good way to go about things. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it.

. Making fun of their physical differences:
Many parents want their kids to be physically and emotionally flawless. They often view their children’s physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Some young children have become anorexic just to escape being called “fat” while others become obese to avoid being called “skinny winky.” Most often than not, namecalling affects children’s self-esteem. These days, teenage girls cannot wait to turn 18, so that they can go in for surgery.

Focus on building your child up and preaching positivity. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes.

. Living your life through them and planning their careers:
There are parents who plan their children’s lives from birth to marriage to career and beyond based on what they want for themselves. They believe that they are making their kids’ lives easier and less stressful. However, they are doing irreparable damage and making their kids quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many people are living their parents’ lives, not their own authentic lives, much to their regret.

It is okay to set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you’d like to see them go in, but let them have some independence. Support the choices they make and the lifestyles they want to live.

. Denying them your attention:
Children need and crave love and affection that only their parents can give. Not being there for your children creates “emotional neediness” in them. Some of these children crave and look for a “mother” and “father” figure in other people which could sometimes lead to abuse. Be intentional about spending time with your children. This might be difficult since we all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents. However, give your children all your attention, some of the time! Whenever you have time to spend with your children, ensure that they have all your attention. The occasional hugs, kisses and “I love you” should also not be forgotten.