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13 Situations You Should Never Say Yes To If You Want to Be Happy

Do you want to be happy? Like really happy, I mean innate happiness that gives you inner peace?

Most people do! But what do you do when that happiness eludes you? If that’s the case, it’s time to take a close look at your life and how you conduct it.

How to stay happy

Often, we put ourselves in damaging situations without realizing the harm that they cause. Being aware of these patterns can stop them in their tracks. I can share this conveniently because for some funny reason I always find myself in some of these situations, but I am aware the lot of it could apply to others as well

Here are 13 situations you should never say yes to if you want to be happy.

1. Feel Lonely When You are Alone

While there are things best done by your lonesome, it’s hard to get some positive thinking going when you allow yourself to actually feel lonely while you’re alone. Here are some things that bring happiness if you may be alone or away from friends

-Playing online multiplayer games, solitaire, etc.

-Reflect on your place in life, where you want to be and what it takes to get there.

-Watching movies where booing the characters is encouraged.

How to stay happy

2.  Comparisons

The human want and need to compare ourselves with others is something as old as time itself, although there is nothing positive to be gained from it. There is no point in chasing after a life we don’t have, all the while ignoring what we do have. Consider instead doing the following things when you feel jealousy:

-Turn off social media for the day.

-Control your content feed. Don’t fill it with things that will cause you jealousy.

-Indulge in the things that make you happy, with no regard for how “good” or “productive” it is.

-quotes to be happy

How to stay happy

3. Exes Calling you back cannot make you happy

The relationship had ended for a good reason. Leave it there for the sake of your mental health, and move on towards more positive things instead:

-Do some self-introspection. What lessons about yourself did that relationship teach you? What else can you do better next time?

-Hang out with your friends. Have them support you in this emotionally distressing time, and let them distract you.

-Acknowledge the bad, but also celebrate the good that came from it. Positive thinking doesn’t have to be one done through rose-tinted glasses – it’s essential to recognize and appreciate both the good and the bad in any relationship.

4. Working for jobs you hate

The term ‘burnout’ exists for a reason – if we don’t get that much-needed rest, it starts having dire consequences on our emotional, mental, and physical health.

Medically, this should come as no surprise – just the single, independent factor of working overtime increases the risk of coronary heart disease. So – just what should you do for the sake of your health?

-Consider leaving your job, or switching to a different position within the company if that isn’t possible.

-Take a look at The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor – the principles in it are an excellent place to start.

-Identify what the individual elements about your job that is contributing to your stress are. Perhaps you can deal with them on a case-by-case basis to make it manageable.

How to stay happy

5. Sitting for Too Long

Since physical health is related to mental and emotional health, this might be something you’d want to look into. Studies have shown that sitting down for too long can negatively affect your cardiovascular health – no matter how much exercise you do. Sadly, with the whole #Covid19 situation, It is possible to find yourself siting at a spot for a longtime, since there is an enforced stay at home to contain the virus.

So instead of lounging on a sofa or hunching over your keyboard, why not consider the following?

-Invest in a standing desk. A motor-controlled one can raise and lower the height, depending on whether you need to stand or sit for something.

-Watch your favorite shows while walking on a treadmill, If you don’t have one , just walk around while watching the movie, Better health and good entertainment equal a positive net bonus!

6. Drama and Gossip Inhibit Happy Feelings

There’s no point in being nosy about someone else’s circumstances and behavior – especially if it has nothing to do with you. Instead, it’s best to just focus on your own lives, and what is immediately relevant to you. Here are some reasons why:

-Improving your personal experience is something that should take up all of your focus.

-Engaging in drama and gossip about someone else’s lives only serves to add more stress and distraction.

-Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you. If you would hate to be on the receiving end of that kind of unwanted attention, then why would you inflict it on others?

7.  Worrying too much

Just what has worry ever brought us aside from fear and anxiety? While some may argue positive thinking in these times is naïve and simple-minded, the fact is that nothing good can be gained from worrying. So – what can you do instead?

-Enjoy every moment as it comes into your life.

-Be productive, make something tangible with your hands as some kind of progress.

-Narrow your focus towards things you can directly handle and have control over.

8.  Idleness

It’s so easy to try squeezing in one more episode of your favorite Netflix show before getting started on work or hitting that snooze alarm for another five more minutes. This all inevitably ends up in stress and frustration when we realize too late that we’re now out of time.

-Chip away at it. If you can’t get started properly, just pen down some notes first.

-Happy people do not procrastinate. Start when you should.

-Talk to someone about it. Sometimes you just need someone to organize it for you.

9.  Settling

At some point, it can be incredibly easy to just settle for “good enough.” This can apply to just about anything – career, friendships, and relationships. It’s one thing to be comfortable, but it’s another to settle for complacency and bare minimum. If you find yourself getting bored, consider the following points:

-Sign the both of you up for some sort of adventurous trip, or a simple pottery class.

-Talk to your friend. Maybe there’s something between you both that’s been making it hard for you both to bond closer.

-Aim for a better job or career – there’s no point in staying in a poor job.

10. Hurrying

It’s tempting to rush forward and to prove to yourself that you’re capable of keeping up with the pack. This, however, is detrimental to your happiness. Here are a few ways to steal back a few more precious minutes:

-Prioritize things that are important first.

-Manage your time efficiently.

-Don’t pressure yourself – you don’t need to rush.

-Understand that you can’t do everything you want in one go, and that’s okay.

11. Spending Time with Toxic People

It only makes sense that surrounding ourselves with toxic, negative people will only serve to worsen our moods and mental states. Just how can you improve yourself and find a better life’s purpose if you’re continually being sabotaged at every corner?

The best way to be happy is to avoid such a scenario. Here are some tips:

-Avoid people who belittle you. It’s hard to keep a positive outlook when they’re always talking down your goals and dreams.

-Look out for people who bring joy and happiness into your life and drop anyone who doesn’t.

-Cut out people who don’t know the difference between crushing you and giving you constructive criticism.

12. Blame

Nobody likes to be in the wrong. It’s a horrible feeling and one that we naturally try to avoid. This often means that our first reaction to trouble is to blame someone else, so we don’t have to deal with the consequences.

In reality, this actually can make things worse. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but there are benefits to be gained from taking responsibility for your actions:

-Taking responsibility also means taking control of the situation and yourself.

-You create an opportunity for you to learn from the problem.

-You forge your sense of self and your capabilities through the process of resolving the issue.

-You’ll learn to develop a sense of courage, and as you overcome the problem.

13. Learning to say NO

Many of us have been raised with this mindset that unless there is something that makes fulfilling the request impossible, we should always say ‘yes’ to it. In our minds, to refuse would be to hurt somehow or disappoint them.

In reality, learning how to say no is an important skill. Here are some reasons why:

-You establish healthy emotional boundaries. This isn’t just good for you – it’s also great for others, as they know where your clear boundaries lie.

-You give yourself time to do things you want to do. You don’t need an excuse to reserve your limited time and energy for things and people that are important to you.

-You’ll learn how to stand up for yourself.

My final thoughts

Being happy can be difficult. The journey to happiness is often fraught with other more negative emotions. But by choosing the situations you allow yourself to be a part of, you can move more quickly along the rocky road that leads to that happiness.

Remember it is okay to take this one step at a time, if perhaps you are guilty of all.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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Feeling worthless
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Esther Ijewere: 5 Reasons Why You Feel Worthless And What You Can Do About It

Feeling worthless , down or unmotivated? This article is for you.

It hit hard by a message Inbox yesterday when a sister told me she feels useless because nothing is working for her, and she needed words of encouragement. Encouragement is one of the easiest things you could give anyone, If you yourself have enjoyed being encouraged several times.

Feelings of worthlessness can come at any time in your life, but if you are suddenly feeling like you can’t do anything right or that you aren’t worthy of the things you have in your life, you might be wondering what has happened to your self-confidence.

You are not alone. Feelings of unworthiness can be triggered at any time, especially during your development years.

What’s even more possible is that if you are struggling with your self-confidence as an adult, it’s likely that you have had some experience with others telling you that you aren’t worthy and you might have been harboring those old feelings in some way now.

If you can’t shake that feeling that your self-confidence is waning, it might be time to start exploring why that is. Here’s how.

  1. Someone else has been telling you that you are not good enough

    It’s hard to understand why anyone would say mean things to another person, especially unprovoked, but many people grow up in households where they have been told repeatedly that they are worthless.The more you dig into your thoughts about what others have said about you or to you, the less power they have over you and the more likely you are to be able to create new thoughts about yourself.

  2. You are comparing yourself to others 

    You probably spend a lot of time looking at other people, reading about other people, wishing you had another life, made more money, had a different job or house.If you find yourself doing this, you need to stop and start practicing gratitude for what you have in your life.

  3. You’ve experienced great change in your life

    Sometimes a change in our identity can alter our sense of self. If you have been separated or divorced (Like me)  or lost a job, you might not know how to quantify your value.Many people look to their careers as a way to validate their success in the world and if you have recently lost yours, you might find it difficult to relate to others and the life you once had.When you’re dealing with trauma or heartbreaking change, it can become easy to blame yourself.

  4. You feel like everyone is against you

     

    You might find that you feel bad about yourself, not because of the thoughts you are having about yourself, but because of the thoughts you are having about other people!Sometimes we put words in other people’s mouths and we think they are thinking things about us even when they are not.

    If you feel like the whole world is against you, it’s not because they are out to get you, it’s because you think they are. When you create these situations in your mind, you find that they often come true.You’ll start to see evidence of how people are working against you, even when they are not.In order to deal with this, you need to turn your attention inward and ask yourself why you think people are out to get you.

  5. You are Negative:

    I was this person for a longtime , till I found my own light.Do you find yourself dwelling on criticisms or mistakes you’ve made? That negative events tend to draw your attention more than positive events? It is called “Negative Bias”. They keep you in a negative box.

What to do when you feel worthless?

  1. Get up and Keep it moving, Be your own motivation
  2. Ask Questions: Ask questions about how you do things, why you do them, and what you get out of them. Use the information you discover to help you move forward. For me, I find that writing in a journal every day allows me to get to know what I’m really thinking and feeling.
  3. Be Present , Be in the now: Lack of self-confidence often comes from living in the future. Being in the now allows you to accept where you are and where you’ve come from instead of putting pressure on yourself to get where you are trying to go later. It is called “Mindfulness” , It is  a tool I use to draw myself back to the present and focus on what is most important; Now.

Watch: 3 Psalms for Mercy and Protection 

In Conclusion

Feeling worthless is a common human experience for many people. Whether it’s from growing up in a non-supportive environment, a trauma-based event or the tendency to compare ourselves to others, feelings of worthlessness are difficult to deal with no matter who you are.

But learning to practice mindfulness to allow us to question our own thoughts and emotions allows us to take a step back from the mind and understand that we don’t need to think negatively about ourselves.

Taking an objective look at reality will allow you to see that you have a lot of potential and skills, a lot to be grateful for, and you don’t need to believe your own negative thoughts.

Selah!

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We Worked Together For 3 Months and I never Noticed Him, Read Yaw and Esi Beautiful Love Story

The adorable couple won our hearts with the beautiful love story. They have lived in the same company for 3 months without noticing each other.

The bride-to-be, Esi never thought her work colleague will turn out to be the man she would spend forever with.

After Yaw walking to her office one day, they kept in touch and now they sweethearts ready to walk down the aisle.

Esi shares her love story:

My soon to be husband had been in the company I work with for over 3 months without me noticing him, not even once.

On this faithful Wednesday evening after work, our eyes locked as he drove pass by me with another colleague while I was waiting for my Uber. There was a mutual attraction there and then.

Yaw walked to my office the following day and offered to drop me home after work which I refused and as relentless as he can be, he kept insisting. I was left with no choice than to join him and this evening droppings became our daily routine. That’s where our little gossips and inquisitiveness started from, we would chat and still have something to talk about when we met.

Somewhere late 2019, he asked me out and I turned him down but he kept pursuing me. I later told him to give me some time to pray about it, yep. And this was exactly his words “You can have all the time you need to pray; I’ll be here waiting”. After about a month, I agreed to get to know him better.

Fast forward in 2020, we started dating with the intentions of getting married soon, little did I know that my son was just around the corner. My husband to be asked me to marry him a day just after my birthday at my surprise birthday party. I had a double portion of surprises, and I couldn’t have said no to this big YES!

Check photos below:

EsiEsi

Yaw proposes to EsiYaw proposes to Esi

Yaw proposes to Esi Yaw proposes to Esi

Esi and YawEsi and Yaw

Esi and YawEsi and Yaw
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How to fix a broken marriage
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5 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

Looking for love is an exciting adventure. You get to meet new people, go out and have fun dates, and maybe, just maybe, meet the love of your life.

But dating can also be a huge bummer, and there are times when the journey is more frustrating than fun, especially as you get older. Instead of focusing on having an enjoyable night out, you’re wondering why you can’t seem to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

To get a great relationship, you have to be willing to put in the work. But what should you do when you feel yourself giving up on love?

Don’t let your desire for love burn out! Here are six reasons you shouldn’t give up on love.

1. Love Teaches Lessons

Going through another failed relationship can be a frustrating, heartbreaking, and depressing experience. But remember that timing is everything. Just because that love is over doesn’t mean love is over for you.

Instead of viewing your failed relationships as wastes of time, make a list of everything you learned from that relationship.

Perhaps you learned how to talk about your feelings and be vulnerable with someone else, and maybe you learned that looks aren’t everything.

If the relationship was a toxic one, maybe you learned that you’re stronger than you think.[1] Maybe you learned what you don’t want and will not tolerate in your future relationships.

Whatever the case may be, take the lessons that love gives you and treasure them.

2. You Have the Time to Grow

Your single years are all about learning who you are and growing from each experience you go through.

If your ultimate goal is to get married, why not use this time to grow and develop skills and traits that would make you a great husband or wife?

For example:

  • Can you cook?
  • Do you have a job?
  • Can you handle your finances well?
  • Do you have your own house/apartment?
  • Are you patient?
  • Do you know how to express your feelings well?
  • Do you have selfish tendencies?

These are better than simply giving up on love. Now is the time to do some self-exploration and work out who you want to be for yourself, your friends, family, and your future partner.

3. Now Is the Time for You

There is no better time to be a little selfish with your pursuits, energy, and focus than while you are single. Now is the time for you to take strides toward your dream career, to travel, and to focus on your social life.

Of course, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship, but love has the potential to be limiting.

There’s no doubt that it’s worth it, but you can’t travel the world for months on end when you’re helping your partner pay a mortgage or raising a family. At least, you can’t do it as easily as you would when you are single.

Friendships are also important. These are the people who have supported you through every good and bad decision you’ve ever made. They were your shoulder to cry on when your relationships ended, and your dates ended up being duds.

Use this time as an excuse to focus on yourself and find out who you are when you aren’t part of a “We.”

Not only will this be good for your mental health and personal growth, but your confidence in yourself will also be incredibly appealing to your future partner.

4. You Deserve More Than Settling

If you want to find real love, you must be willing to stick it out for your perfect person instead of settling! When you wait to find that perfect person for you, you ensure that your personalities will gel.

Finding real love is about:

  • Spending quality time together
  • Learning the art of communication
  • Sharing similar goals and beliefs (though- they say opposites attract!)

Finding real love is also about finding someone you’re attracted to, who makes you laugh, and respects you.

If you haven’t found that yet, then why settle? You deserve the best relationship possible, so don’t give up on love yet. If it takes waiting a little while longer to find someone who hits all the checkmarks on your list, why not wait?

5. Things Worth Doing Are Rarely Easy

Think about it. The best things in life – the things that make you feel accomplished, proud of yourself, and inspired to do better are always difficult;

Getting a degree, running with endurance, getting fit/losing weight, breaking a bad habit, learning something new like scuba diving or how to speak another language…

These are all things that take time to accomplish, but you feel so satisfied when you’ve completed that challenge.

The same can be said for finding the right relationship. Deciding to wait for someone who fulfills you instead of dating the first person who asks all because you’re lonely takes strength.

It takes courage to break up with someone you love but who is ultimately bad for you. It takes effort to be patient. But you’ll be glad that you did.

Final Thoughts

Finding love isn’t always easy. It can be discouraging and may even feel like a full-time job sometimes – but don’t give up!

Resilience is the key to finding love. Enjoy the journey and focus on self-care and personal growth and absorb the lessons each relationship and each new date has to teach.

Source: Lifehack.org

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8 Ways To Develop Self-Belief

Many people believe that a strong belief in one’s self is something we are born with. This suggests that people without self-belief can never develop one and are stuck living with having low self-esteem.

This, however, is wrong. self-belief is something that can be developed and rebuilt if lost.

So, if you do not believe in yourself or have lost your self-belief, remember that you can regain it with the right steps and actions.

For the importance of self-belief, circumstances that can make a person lose her self-belief, and how belief in one’s self can be redeveloped, keep reading below.

Why is Self-Belief Important?

As the name suggests, self-belief has to do with how much a person believes in herself. It encompasses the belief in your values, skills, knowledge, and abilities. Self-believe is very important because it affects a person’s lifestyle and choices.

A person without self-belief will constantly downplay their abilities while settling for less than what they deserve. Most times, the individual takes whatever blow life deals because they do not believe that they deserve better.

On the other hand, a person with self-belief knows their worth and value.

For instance, when people with no self-belief see a job vacancy with the skills they possess, they may pass up on it or apply half-heartedly because they believe that they are not good enough for the job.

People with self-belief, on the other hand, will pursue the job wholeheartedly because they believe that they are well-qualified for the job.

In the end, people without self-belief may end up working a low paying job and living at the mercy of others for the rest of their lives. Meanwhile, people with self-belief will move from that job to a better one and might eventually get to the peak of their careers.

This example shows that while self-belief might seem small or inconsequential, it can affect our entire lives both directly and indirectly.

Self-belief motivates people to explore their potentials and this motivation may lead to the achievement of goals and aspirations.

Why Do Some People Lack Self-Belief?

No one is born without self-belief. Most times, we find ourselves in certain situations and circumstances that can negatively affect our self-esteem – either temporarily or in the long run.

To rebuild your self-belief, understanding the circumstance that made you lose it can help you learn how to proceed.

Here’re some common causes of lack of self-belief:

1. Unhappy Homes

Growing up in an unhappy home can reduce a person’s belief in herself. This is because as kids, the way you are treated by others, especially by your family, majorly influences the way you view yourself.

Kids who grow up with parents who never commend or congratulate them (but complain and tear them down) grow up lacking confidence in themselves.

2. Negative Peers

Being surrounded by people who constantly discourage you and make you feel like you are not good enough can make you lose confidence in yourself.

Sometimes, your peers may even convince you to do things you are not comfortable with and when you refuse, they may say and do things to make you feel odd. In order to fit in, you may find yourself abandoning your morals and values to please them. This can damage a person’s self-belief in the long run.

If you have a hard time distancing yourself from negative peers, reading this article about avoiding negative people may be helpful: 10 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Negative People

3. Traumatic Experiences

Physical and emotional abuse can tear down a person’s self-belief. If you have a partner who makes you feel like you are not good enough to attract and keep their attention, it may extend to you feeling like you are not good enough for anyone or anything.

Also, people who experience physical abuse may suffer from depression and anxiety, which will gradually eat away their self-esteem. Eventually, such an experience will make them feel unworthy of their goals.

4. Bad Decisions

Some bad decisions made in the past can affect a person’s belief in herself and cause them to doubt their ability to make decisions in the future. This mostly happens when the decision made turns out to have consequences that affect not just the person but also their loved ones.

For instance, a mother decides to move abroad with her children in hopes of finding greener pastures for them, but the father disagrees. After arguing for a while, the father gives in and loans some money to sponsor the trip. When they travel, the mother is unable to find a good job so her plan fails.

The failure of this plan, the disappointment, and the losses incurred might make her doubt her ability to make the right decisions in the future.

5. Negative Thought Patterns

If you always think of the worst-case scenarios, especially when it comes to yourself, chances are that you will lose confidence in yourself.

If before a job interview, the only thing you can think of is all the mistakes you might make or how you might not be as good as other candidates, you will most likely take in that energy and discourage your interviewers.

Over time, such negative thought patterns might lead you to feel unworthy and inferior to everyone else. That is why you need to think positively and eliminate negative thoughts.

How To Develop Self-Belief

Once you understand the reason behind your lack of self-belief, you can proceed to work on how to build it.

Here are 8 ways to help you develop self-belief.

1. Know Who You Want to Be

When self-doubt or self-pity is not eating at you, who would you like to be? If you were not afraid, what would you do?

Boldly answering these questions is the first step to rebuilding your self-belief. This is because the doubts and negative thought patterns, over time, bury the real you along with your goals and dreams.

To gain self-belief, you need to work towards these goals while pushing away low self-esteem. So, give yourself the space to dream a little, and make a list of all the things you would like to achieve and believe. In the process of doing this, whenever self-doubts spring up, push them away until you create a comprehensive list.

2. Affirm Yourself

Self-affirmations are strong tools that reinforce your belief in yourself. This is because as humans, our self-image influences our behavior. If you see yourself as one of the most good looking people in the world, you will definitely behave like one.

And if you see yourself as the future CEO of a company, you will also act like one. So, what you need to do is see yourself as someone worthy and amazing.

Affirmations can help you create that image. They are positive statements that knock out doubts, especially when recited aloud and with belief.

For example:

“I am worthy of everything I desire.” “I am smart enough to achieve my goals.” “I deserve all the best things life has to offer.” “And I will put forth effort daily to meet one specific desire and one specific goal to experience the best things.”

So make a list of affirmations, stand in front of your mirror and say these words to yourself. It does not have to be lengthy. Just four uplifting sentences can help you feel prepared to conquer the world each day.

3. Face Your Fears

One effective way to develop self-belief is by facing your fears.

You do not have to face them all at once or go for the scariest first. You can choose to start little by little.

Start by figuring out the source of your self-doubt and tackling that problem. If your parent’s treatment of you as a kid is the reason you lost confidence in yourself, approach them and speak to them about it. Do not be afraid of being censored. Expressing yourself might help you get the weight off your chest.

Next, face the fear of failing to achieve your goals. Go for that interview and give it your best. Address that board of directors with your ideas and innovations. Walk out of that relationship that constantly beats on your self-esteem.

Once you face and conquer your fears, self-doubt will flee.

4. Address Your Inner Critic

If society is the reason behind your loss of self-belief, it can easily be addressed and rebuilt. If you are your own critic, however, your confidence cannot be regained if you do not shut off the criticizing voice in your head.

Most times, the lack of belief in oneself is a result of an overactive inner critic. You might have this amazing idea but while creating the proposal, you may start wondering if the idea is good enough. You then start to convince yourself that the proposal is not good enough, discarding the sheet of paper, and keeping the idea under lock and key.

Addressing your inner critic is crucial because until you do, you may keep undermining your abilities and settling for less than you deserve.

So when your inner critic asks you “why would they pick me for the job?”, ask yourself, “why shouldn’t they pick me for the job?”

And then go on to count out all the reasons why you are qualified for the position. Doing this repeatedly will shut your inner critic up and build your self-belief tremendously.

5. Be Prepared to Win

Before you take a step towards your goals and aspirations, make sure you are all set up to win.

Do not take things on a whim or have a ‘winging it’ mindset because these often result in failure. Instead, study hard for that exam, prepare to provide all the best answers at that interview, make an impressive presentation for that meeting, and cut off acquaintances who fill your mind with negative thoughts.

Preparing to win also fills you with confidence that will encourage you to put in the extra effort to achieve your goals.

6. Encourage Others

Do you know that encouraging others can change your mindset about success? Most times, loss of self-belief can also lead to losing faith in other people’s abilities.

You might find yourself constantly discouraging people against going after their dreams because you doubt that they can achieve them. So make an effort to see success as something anyone can achieve.

Encourage your friends and family, and your mindset about success will also change over time. Soon your encouragements will turn inwards, and you will start feeling motivated to achieve your own goals.

7. Take Care of Yourself

To develop your self-belief, you need to take care of yourself and not just mentally and emotionally. Physical care can go a long way toward influencing your mental and emotional health.

So, go to a spa and get a massage. Go shopping for outfits that make you feel good and do your hair. Register at the gym, eat healthily and make sure you get enough rest. Also, talk to a therapist or join a support group.

Looking good and feeling good will surely help boost your self-confidence.

8. Cut Off Negative Acquaintances

So-called friends who make you feel unworthy or not good enough through their words or actions should be cut off. This is because keeping such people around you will destroy every effort you make to rebuild your self-esteem.

It should not matter who they are to you because if they cared about you in the same way, they would treat you better. So, make a decision to avoid them.

If your family are the ones treating you poorly, speak to them about it, and make it clear that you will not tolerate negativity in your life. If your partner is physically or emotionally abusive, cut the person off too because until you do, your self-belief may never grow.

While distancing yourself from negative acquaintances, draw your loving friends and family closer and cultivate healthy relationships.

Final Thoughts

Marilyn Monroe once said

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

So, if the reason you lost your self-belief is that you believe others are better than you, you need to make a conscious effort into changing that mindset.

Think of all the amazing things you can do that other people cannot. And remind yourself that you are just as deserving as the next person.

Source: Lifehack.org

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6 Relationship Questions You Should Ask Before Commitment

Many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before commitment and marriage, so they end up becoming strangers to each other and later find themselves at the centre of a hot-headed dispute with regrets and consequences. However, this can be avoided, if the following questions are asked:

What do we truly want in a relationship?

Not what someone else (family, friends or society) thinks it should be but what you both want in a relationship. You will be living together 24-hours per day and 7 days per week for the rest of your lives and blending your life with another is very crucial.  Is it only love, fun, affection, sexual satisfaction, shared responsibilities, open mindedness, support for each other’s goals?

What are you unwilling to accept and tolerate?

This is an important question with an endless list that includes: abuse, addiction, control, emotional manipulation, co-dependent tendencies, financial irresponsibility, self-centeredness, lying, infidelity, laziness, etc. The erroneous belief that love is enough to sustain and tolerate these isn’t always the case afterwards. Talking about this before commitment will help to prevent conflict eventually.

How will we handle money?

This is a major cause of conflict among couples. Will you both operate joint accounts? Attitudes on spending and saving? This is an issue that often leads to divorce if couples don’t handle their views on spending and savings in a collaborative way. Discuss many specifics about money before commitment in order to avoid a potential split and daily arguments.

How many children do we prefer to have?

It is unsafe to assume that your partner feels the same way as you do regarding having children without both of you discussing it. Questions regarding sex of the children, number of children, addressing fertility issues in case it arises, adoption, infertility treatments are important. Ensure you both have similar perspective on this crucial topic before commitment in order to prevent separation later in life.

How involved can our in-laws and extended family be in our lives?

It is crucial to draw clear boundaries of your parents’ or extended family’s interference into your lives. Ensure there is clarity on what you will both accept and what you will not accept. However, consider that here in Nigeria, when you marry someone, you also enter into a relationship with their family and loved ones too.

Would we share domestic duties?

Although, women still bear more domestic responsibility than men, but many women prefer house chores are to be shared between a couple.  Endeavour to ask this important question, if you are to have a fifty-fifty split when it comes to cleaning, cooking, washing the dirty clothes, bathing the children, etc. These lifestyle factors can determine how frequently you will argue. Sort these issues out before commitment!

Do you feel comfortable discussing sex, passion and our intimate life?

Are you both completely satisfied with your sex drive?  Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting? Your sex life won’t always be easy and intensely passionate eventually. Often times, several couples do have a relationship or sexual issue at some point.  However, proper communication will help to prevent this problem from escalating and adequately help a couple to resolve it. Sexual in-satisfaction usually leads to masturbation, infidelity, and eventually divorce if not managed properly.

So, before commitment, you should ask each other these salient questions above and endeavour to have clear answers, convictions in order to have a happy and long lasting marriage.

 

Source: Guardian.ng

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Enitan Facos: 3 Huge Mistakes Women Make That Push Men Away

So you met a man and everything was going great between the two of you. Or so you thought.

Then, quick as lightning, he was out the door.

When it comes to relationships, women and men have unique perspectives. From first date etiquette to when to sleep with their partner, the outlooks are diverse.

However, when a man pulls away from the woman he’s seeing it’s usually for a specific reason.

Here are three HUGE mistakes you may be making that push men away.

You’re clingy

If there’s one thing that’ll send any man running it’s a clingy woman. Sure, it’s nice to be affectionate and show him that he’s on your mind, but when you make him your be and end all, he’ll start to feel smothered.

When this happens he’ll try to regain his independence by pulling away.

What’s worse is when you make it known that you’re falling for him, too quickly. Since men are looking for fun in the beginning of a relationship, letting him know that you’re already planning your future together will scare him away.

Instead of showing your emotions too soon, it’s crucial that you remain calm, cool and collected.

Remember, if a man senses that a woman wants more from him and the relationship than he’s prepared to give, he will pull away.

You’re insecure

Studies have shown that 97% of women are unhappy with their bodies at least once a day.

However, when it comes to relationships showing your insecurities is never a good idea.

Sure, it’s nice to be comfortable enough to talk about your gym routine or the healthy eating kick you’re on with your man, but if you’re asking him “Do these jeans make me look fat” or nagging anytime an attractive woman talks to him, then you’re digging your own relationship grave.

The problem is that once your insecurities start to show there’s no going back. Instead of pushing him away with your self-doubts show him your happy-go-lucky side and he’ll be hooked.

A good tip to follow is to pretend that every date with your man is a first because there’s no way you’d let him see this side of you then.

You’re unhappy without him

Just because you’re happy when you’re with him it doesn’t mean that he isn’t catching on to your negativity when he’s not in the room. In fact, if he knows that he’s your sole source of happiness then it’s likely to push him away.

The problem here is this type of situation makes him feel pressured to keep you content, and that’s a huge responsibility for anyone!

Instead of relying on him to keep you smiling, make the most of your life. Do the things that you love. When you do, you’ll not only be making yourself happier, but it’ll improve the overall quality of your relationship too.

For a deeper insight on what pushes men away take a moment and watch this free video presentation by relationship expert, Amy North.

 

Source: https://hackspirit.com/3-huge-mistakes-women-make-that-push-men-away/

 

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Toddy Rosiji: 10 Signs He Loves You But Scared To Fall For You

Is your man giving you mixed signals? You think he might love you, but for some reason, he appears hesitant about it? When it comes to dealing with men and their complicated behavior, it can be tough to understand what they’re truly thinking.

After all, sometimes a man is cold BECAUSE they love you, and other times they’re cold BECAUSE they just don’t like you.

However, when you research and understand male psychology, it’s not as complicated as you might think.

So in this article, I thought we’d go over tried and true ways to figure out exactly how he is truly feeling.

We’ll also go over the reasons why he might be scared about falling in love with you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

  1. He can’t help but stare at you

This is an obvious sign that he loves you. Guys will generally do it naturally.

Whether you’re doing something boring like working on your laptop, or you’re taking out the washing to dry, he can’t help but look at you doing it.All you have to do is glance over his way every now and then and see if you catch him looking.If he is looking, you can bet your bottom dollar that he loves you.

Also, focus on how he looks at you when you’re having a conversation with him. You’ll see the kind of puppy love eyes with a cute smile that naturally occurs when you start talking.

Once you see your man doing this, it’s a clear sign he is genuinely in love.

Now if he is scared about his feelings, he might quickly look away when he catches you looking. He doesn’t want you to know that he can’t help but look at you.

But if he maintains eye contact with you, then he definitely isn’t scared about his feelings and he is letting you know directly he likes you.

 

  1. He’s ignoring you

Surely if he is ignoring you he doesn’t love you, right?Wrong!

Sometimes a guy ignores you because he loves you, particularly if he is scared about it.

Sound confusing?

Well, some guys will go out of their way to do anything but appear desperate.They don’t want to show that they love you because then that will give everything away.

It’s also a way to protect their ego.If they think that you might not be interested in them, then they’ll pull back on expressing their emotions.And the best way to do this is to ignore you.

But don’t worry, once you start showing that you’re interested, too, then he’ll come around and start expressing himself better. He won’t be scared that he is falling in love with you because he knows that you’re falling for him.

3.He remembers every little detail of what you say

We’ve all heard before men aren’t the best listeners. And to be honest, for the most part, that is probably true.But if your man loves you, he’ll listen to everything you say. He hangs on it! If you mention that you’re attending your sister’s friend’s birthday party, he’ll be the first to ask how it was the next day.

If he mentions that your allergic to peanuts, then any restaurant that he chooses for you to go to, he’ll make sure peanuts aren’t on the menu. When he’s listening unconditionally to what you’re saying, you know it’s true love.

He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.

4.He struggles to express his feelings with you

This is a clear sign that he’s scared of falling in love with you, but might be scared about those feelings. He knows he cares for you deeply, and it’s starting to worry him.

Why would it worry him? A common reason for a man is that the strong emotions he is feeling are something he can’t control.

Men like to be in control, and his feelings for you are becoming so strong that he doesn’t know how to handle it.

He won’t be able to talk about his emotions because he fears he’ll lose control.

The best he can do is avoid talking about it.

Also, it’s important to realize that men, in general, are scared of talking about their feelings.

Many men have grown up believing that they need to not let emotions affect them, so they do their best to ignore them.

So, how can you get him to open up?

The most important quality you need to show is that you’re trustworthy. Tell him you’re there for him. Open up to him so he feels comfortable opening up to you.

Sometimes, you can’t force him to talk about his emotions. You need to let him know that you’re there for him and then be patient.

5. His friends know how much he cares about you

This is a clear sign that he loves you if his friends know a huge deal about you. Perhaps they know what your job is, how you two met, and what sport you love to play. How could this be the case when he is scared to admit that he loves you?

Simple.

Guys find it much easier to communicate with their guy friends, and they’ll naturally share the details of someone they’re keen on.

It shows that he can’t get you off his mind.

What’s more, he’ll also invite you out with his friends so he can show you off.

When a guy falls in love, he becomes naturally protective of his love interest. This is basic male psychology.

When you’ve had an argument with a friend, he’ll naturally take your side.

When you cross the road, he’ll put his body on the side of the traffic.

He can’t help it.

Even if he is afraid to admit that he loves for various reasons, he won’t be able to control his actions of wanting to protect you and be your hero.

He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.

7.He is acting nervous around you

This goes back to the point before about ignoring you. The reason he is feeling nervous has to do with his emotions. He is feeling something strongly and is starting to realize that he loves you.

But because of this, he’ll want to impress you at all costs.

What does this do?

It puts pressure on him to perform! He wants to make you interested in him, which will make him nervous.He doesn’t want to lose you, and he doesn’t want you to not like him.

So how can you tell if he is nervous?

Nervous people tend to be more fidgety. He also might have trouble speaking clearly around you, which will cause him to speak less.Another sign that someone is nervous is if their acting hyper or weird.

So if your man is acting a little hyper and telling weird jokes, keep in mind that he is just nervous because he likes you.

Once he starts feeling more comfortable, he’ll come around and start acting normal again.

Remember that if he loves you but is scared to admit that he loves you, this will only add to his nerves when he’s around you.

He’ll realize that he hasn’t exactly got total control over his emotions and that will make him scared, anxious, and fearful.

This will lead to even more nervous behavior that we spoke about above.

8.He constantly seeks out your advice

If he is asking for your opinion on important decisions that he needs to make, it’s obvious that he trusts your guidance and might be already in love with you.

It shows that he truly cares what you think. He thinks you’re intelligent and that you actually care about giving him good advice.

This is especially the case if he is revealing details about his life when he seeks your guidance. This is a great clue that he trusts you and desperately wants to bare his soul to you.

And if he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.

9.He wants to be around you all the time

When a guy loves you, they can’t help but try to get as close as they can to their love interest. If you’re out to dinner with a group of people, he’ll somehow find a way to sit next to you. If you’re at a party, then he manages to position himself near you for the majority of the time. The funny thing is, he doesn’t really mean to. It just happens subconsciously because he loves being around you.

10.He can’t stop complimenting you

He looks at you and says you’re beautiful. He comments on how kind and caring you are. He tells you how much he appreciates the meals you cook or the job you’ve committed yourself to.

He goes out of his way to let you know that you’re awesome. And it’s obvious you’re having a bad day, he’ll do his best to lift you up by complimenting you.

It’s not because he is trying to suck up to you, it’s just that he finds it hard to say that he loves you, and instead says it in other ways.

11.He displays little signs of affection.

Don’t get twisted. The little things DO count.

Little gestures of love show that he is in love with you. He cares for you and he is thinking of you.

Those little things can be as simple as holding hands or buying you a small gift to lift your spirit ups.

It’s also a key sign if he is doing it not to impress you, but just to make you feel better.

It shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling. After all, it’s difficult to constantly pre-meditate little signs of affection.

And we all can say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count

12.He keeps supporting you

No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re cooking dinner for the two of you, or you’re pursuing your dreams in your career, he is always supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.

He wants the best for you. He wants you to realize your potential and he wants you to be fulfilled.He can’t help but encourage you to follow your dreams because your happiness is paramount to his happiness.

And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. That’s just how it is.

Reasons why he might be scared to fall for you

It’s all well and good to work out that he loves you and is scared about it, but the deeper issue is why the hell is he scared about it?

There could be several reasons he is scared about falling for you, some of which are more innocent than others.

So if the signs are pointing that he is scared to be falling for you, here are the most common reasons why:

1.He has just got out of a long-term relationship

He’s had a long-term relationship, and he’s been going through a tough break-up. This is extremely common.

He’s told himself he doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a while, and then you come along which starts giving him the feels.Love physically hurts because our bodies release hormones and endorphins to protect us and ready us to move as quickly as possible away from the perceived threat.But that threat lingers in our mind for days, weeks, months and even years in some cases after a bad break up. That’s why he is scared about falling for you. He doesn’t want to get hurt again.

2.He’s been hurt in the past

When you’ve been hurt in the past because a previous partner has cheated on you, or abused you, it can make you very skeptical of getting in a relationship with someone else.This is why his guard might be up, and he is naturally afraid of getting close to anyone again. But don’t worry. All this means is that you have to build trust with him. The more he trusts you, the more he’ll open up and eventually let his guard down. Remember that dating a person that’s been hurt in the past is all about making them feel safe and secure in the relationship.

When he understands that he can trust you, it will alleviate his worries about falling for someone that could potentially hurt him.

3.He doesn’t think you like him back

Can you come across as a bit of an ice queen? You know the old resting bitch face even when you don’t intend to? When it appears like you’re not interested, then you can bet your bottom dollar that he’s going to be scared about falling for you. This is can even happen in relationships, where a partner fears that they are falling much harder for their lover than their partner.

Nobody wants to be the one with stronger feelings. It can lead to neediness, desperation, and getting hurt. The good news is that there is an easy way to overcome this. All you have to do is show him that you are interested, and he’ll realize that the feelings are reciprocated. There are different ways to show him that you like him, whether it’s buying him gifts or showing him affectiob when he least expects it.

Once he knows that you like or love him, he’ll be more willing to show his feelings, too.

Source:https://hackspirit.com/signs-he-loves-you-but-is-scared/

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5 Ways To Practice Self-Love And Believe In Yourself Again

Self-love requires understanding and engaging with yourself at the most intimate level, and opening up to yourself in a way that might be uncomfortable and unfamiliar for most of us.

Here are our 5 tips to help you live with self-love:

1) Live with Intent:

Live mindfully, truthfully, and intentionally. Do not lose yourself in your moments, and if you do, find out why you lost yourself and what you can do to stay present.

Your life is limited – time is your most important currency – and the more you show yourself that you value your time, the more you prove to yourself that you love your life.

2) Live with Care:

Treat yourself well; physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Listen to your body and your mind at the most basic level – if something doesn’t make you feel good, then it is probably bad for you. Protect yourself, from the dangers of both greasy food and toxic friends.

Your mind is your window into the world; keep it clean, keep it strong, and your world will stay equally positive.

Practice a proper diet, exercise regularly, sleep enough hours, and engage in healthy social behavior that secures your personal growth.

And make sure to live with boundaries. Don’t limit yourself, but don’t confuse self-love with hedonism. Moderation is good for the soul.

3) Live with Forgiveness:

You will make mistakes. You’ve most certainly already made a ton, filling you with various bouts of guilt and regret trapped in the back of your head.

You are human, after all, and that’s what makes life worth living: the unexpectedness of your own humanity

But learn to forgive, yourself and those around you. Every day you wake up is an opportunity to grow away from the person you were the day before.

If that person made a mistake, then try to understand and forgive, as you can work towards being a different person tomorrow.

4) Live with Need:

Your mind is your greatest asset, so trust it. When presented with a situation to overindulge, ask yourself: do I need this or do I want it? In most cases, what you think you need is simply a case of you wanting it.

And while it is more than fine to pleasure yourself with your own desires every now and then, it is important to remember not to fall into self-made destructive habits based on desire and want.

Live according to what your mind, body, and soul need.

Turn away from the pleasures of laziness, of automatic happiness, of destructive behavior, because these are short-term, and they care nothing for the person you could be.

You are the only person who must live with yourself for your entire life, so make your happiness last longer than a day.

5) Live with Yourself:

And finally, it is crucial to learn to live with yourself as if you were someone else.

When faced with the task of self-loving, we think too much in the abstract; we think of it as a mental challenge, a psychological question rather than a task we can actively work towards achieving.

But loving yourself is as simple as loving anyone else, so ask yourself: how would you love yourself, if you were someone else?

Treat yourself with the same respect, kindness, and mindfulness that you would offer the people who matter most to you in your life.

Love yourself with the same patience and tenderness you would give your own child, partner, sibling, or parent.

Be kind but be stern; learn to discipline, but learn to forgive. You are your own greatest fan, your own greatest rival, and your own greatest love.

Learn to see yourself in ways you have never considered.

Self-love seems so easy in movies and shows. Just let go of the thoughts, problems, and people causing stress in your life, exchange them with sources of joy and happiness, and voila: you are a self-loving king or queen.

But true, transformative, authentic self-love isn’t so easy. While you might feel great for some time, there will be many moments when you want to give up, where you might convince yourself that your attempts at self-love are meaningless and childish and stupid, that the world is hard and cruel and you should just learn to live with it.

But don’t stop. Keep going. Self-love isn’t about happiness. It’s about improving your life as much as you currently can, and accepting it.

 

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Enitan Facos : Is He In Love With You? Here Are 6 Ways You Can Tell

One of the greatest feelings a woman can ever have is a man’s true love. Though your boyfriend may take time telling you he is in love with you, chances are he already has through his actions. That’s what happened to me. I knew my husband was in love with me by the way he paid close attention to all my needs. He genuinely cared to hear about my good days and my bad days. Moreover, I didn’t have to ask him to do something for me. He just knew. He loved spending time with my family and me. And he said “I love you” first.

For the most part, women are quicker at expressing their emotions to their partners; meanwhile, men take a longer time. You may assume that your boyfriend is not in love with you because he has not verbally expressed his feelings or revealed the three words all women love to hear. But take a close look at his gestures, his mannerisms and how he looks at you. The love he has for you is in the tiniest details.

Here are six ways you can tell the man you love is in love with you, too.

  • Shows interest

When your boyfriend starts to ask you in-depth questions about your likes, dislikes and future goals, he is in to you. He wants to learn everything about you. He sincerely cares.

  • Delicate touches

He grabs your hand gently during a walk in the park or at a family gathering. He caresses your hair softly. He hugs you for no reason at all. He affectionately touches your face as he stares at you. Sometimes just sitting at home watching a movie and cuddling on the couch speaks volumes.

  • Spending time together

When you find your boyfriend spending less time with his friends and more time with you, he is in love. He is not giving up on his friends; he simply chooses to spend as much time with you as possible. His priorities begin to shift.

  • Does anything for you

He doesn’t care what it takes, but he will make anything possible for you. He may not necessarily be interested in the things you are interested in, but he makes the effort to take part. He doesn’t mock what brings you joy. Perhaps you love a particular musician, and he doesn’t. But he surprises you with two concert tickets – one for you and one for him.

  • Meeting his family and friends

As old-fashioned as this may sound, when a boyfriend introduces the woman in his life to his family and friends, he is serious. He has hopes to take the relationship to another level. His feelings are deeper than you know.

  • Talks about marriage and children

If your boyfriend inquires about your feelings on marriage and children and expresses his thoughts on the matter, chances are he’s been thinking about a future with you. And if you both share the same feelings about marriage and creating a beautiful family together, love exists.

  • Says those three special words first

He tells you “I love you” before you do. It doesn’t matter when or where he says it. All that matters is that he wants to say it first.

Again, it’s easier for a woman to share her innermost thoughts compare to most men. Many men have a hard time verbalizing their feelings even though they do love you. However, through their positive actions and attentive ways, you will know he is in love. Give him time and you’ll hear “I love you.”

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