Love - Women of Rubies

In self development April 21, 2020 By Editor

Halimah Tauheed: LOVE

Dear Alexandria,
I know that you are full of questions.
Would you ever get that full-funded scholarship to Canada?
Would you ever get a job that paid enough to let you stop stretching funds as far as they can go?
Would you eventually meet Mr. Tall, fair, rich, handsome and kind who wants you to make you his Mrs.?
Would you ever have kids?
Would you ever be slim and beautiful?
Would you ever have a house of your own and finally a bedroom with floor-to-ceiling curtains?
Would you ever write a fantastic piece?
Would you ever find solutions to your problems?
Would you ever find your way?
Would you ever get a break?
First of all, I want you to know that you questions are valid and getting answers to them would make life just fantastic. But have you ever considered that the “problem” might stem from your outlook on like generally. From the way these questions are structured, it is proof that you tend to see the dark side of things first or most of the time. Have you ever considered looking for the silver lining i.e see things from a more positive angle?
Worst case scenario, you are not destined to get a scholarship, would it be so bad if you had to continue your education in Nigeria?
If you want to be slim, then work towards it. Eat healthier and exercise. Staring at the mirror daily won’t help you. And who says you are not beautiful? You? Society? Never hold yourself to the standards of what society accepts as “beautiful”.
You don’t have a fantastic piece yet but with practice, who is to say you won’t?
You don’t get a break when you have not worked your shift. Are you putting in the work?
I think it is time that you accepted that the answers you seek would never be handed to you that easily. There is no fairy godmother for that. The answers would reveal themselves as you make your journey through life, sometimes after a detour or two along the way.
Maybe you need to be asking yourself some other questions.
Why you are afraid to take the next step in the dark?
Why are you hesitant to stumble along the way?
Is it so important to know the answers you seek before you embark on the journey?
Would it be so bad if you didn’t receive the answers you sought but were still gifted with equally good answers?
Why do you continue to live in fear?

We know that COVID-19 has brought on the end of the world as we know it, but were you assured that you are going to see the new world from the get go?
We all know that the world would end someday, that we would die someday yet we are enjoined to live till the very end.
What are you waiting for?
I know it is very hard to watch people around you have all these things on a platter but know that everyone struggles. Every single person, some more than others.
I know it is difficult to look at yourself and see who you really are but I want to assure you that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.
You are a smart, strong, wonderful and beautiful person.
You do so much for everyone else. It is time to expend the same energy on you. You are so much stronger than you know. You just need to push a little bit harder and keep pushing.
Don’t give up and don’t give in.
You need to work on not getting angry so much.
Forgive everyone who has hurt you and release the pain you have carried for so long.
They say you are patient, a little more won’t harm anyone.
Don’t try so hard to be heard. Those who matter do.
Smile a little bit more.
I know life has not made it easy to trust anyone, but try.
Don’t worry about the ones you expect help from. Know that help will always come.
Your sister really admires how much you used to pray. Don’t lose that.
Don’t stop looking after your hair. And maybe you could start washing it every week.
And never stop being kind. It is the most important trait you can ever have.
I am so sorry that it took this long to say this but better late than never.
Remember that it is okay to stop along the way but never abandon the journey that is life.
And happiness is not a destination.
It is the entire journey.
With all my love,
You

About the Author

Halimah currently works as a lecturer at the Department of Library and Information
Technology,Federal University of Technology, Minna. She relaxes by reading and watching movies.
She is in love with cake and chocolate.

Halimah believes that a woman can achieve all that she aspires to be.

In self development March 10, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

10 Signs a Relationship isn’t going to last

It’s easy to get swept off your feet in a new relationship. But when the excitement fizzles out and the honeymoon phase is over, you can actually see signs that a relationship will work out for the long term. You can also grow aware of some red flags that a relationship won’t last. The signposts of a future breakup are many, but most people don’t realize what those look like. So, I want to provide you with some things to look out for that signify a broken or ill-fated relationship.

HERE ARE 10 SIGNS A RELATIONSHIP ISN’T GOING TO LAST

1. YOU DON’T TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE TOGETHER.

One of the signs of relationship not working anymore is if you’ve been dating for a while but haven’t talked about your future. For instance, if you’ve been living together for 18 months but your partner refuses to discuss marriage, it could be a big red flag. Does he find it difficult to communicate properly, or does he actually not see any future with you?

2. YOU’VE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP JUST FOR THE PASSION.

Passion has brought you together as a couple but what happens when that mellows down? If you haven’t experienced a strong connection in other areas, then it’s not going to become long-term. For a new relationship to flourish, it needs to go beyond the physical connection. You should be emotionally and mentally connected as well. So, if you feel that you’re in this together for the passion only, it’s probably best to end the relationship because that kind of connection won’t last long.

3. THERE’S NO HONESTY AND OPENNESS.

Mature relationships allow partners to be forthcoming and open with each other because of their level of intimacy. It becomes a big problem, therefore, when you hide stuff from their partner or when you feel you cannot be fully yourself with him. Psychologist Antonio Borrello told Huffington Post that hiding feelings can happen because there is no trust. It’s also possible someone is doing things that are not compatible with their ideas as a couple, so they bury the details. If this is the case, then the relationship doesn’t have a solid, strong foundation.

4. THERE ARE NO FIGHTS, BUT NO COMMUNICATION EITHER.

You believe you’re in a blissful, stress-free relationship because you don’t fight. But what you might not realize is that fighting is a form of communication. It happens when couples are trying to reach a compromise together. Couples who don’t fight aren’t communicating their feelings. It’s a sign that they don’t want to work their conflicts out, which could signal the end of a relationship.

5. YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR PARTNER’S FRIENDS.

The company you keep defines who you are. People are usually drawn to make friends with folks who like the same things they like or have the same qualities they have. So, if you don’t like his friends, this can be one of the signs of breakup because that relationship won’t last. Why? You’re likely going to discover more things about him that you might not like as well. Remember, friends reflect who you are.

6. YOU’VE DEVELOPED SIMILAR INTERESTS BUT HAVE NOT PURSUED OTHERS.

Partners who love to do similar things ideally live happy together, right? When two people like the same stuff, it’s supposed to be positive, or at least that’s what everyone thinks. But relationship expert Erika Boissiere told Bustle that this isn’t always a good thing. If you’ve been doing the same things together and have stopped pursuing your separate and unique interests, then you could end up with a broken relationship. This implies too much dependency on your partner, which won’t allow you to grow and evolve into your own person.

7. THERE’S NO EMPATHY.

She had a huge fight with her best friend, but you can’t understand why she’s so depressed about it. So, you become dismissive of her feelings. But the lack of empathy for what your partner is going through is another sign that the relationship won’t last. If you’re attuned to each other, you must be able to understand and imagine each other’s struggles since empathy is also a form of connectedness. If this feeling doesn’t exist, you’re in a broken relationship.

8. YOU DON’T HAVE DECISIONS IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Who always chooses where you eat or what movies you watch? In the beginning, always letting him pick the places might seem fine because it does feel good that he has taken care of these simple choices. But small choices do matter to your relationship if you’re trying to make it last for a long time. If your partner constantly dismisses your choices, that’s a sign that your opinion isn’t valued. This can hurt your connection with each other.

9. THERE’S NO GIVE AND TAKE.

In the same way as giving value to your choices, how often do you compromise? Who is always the first to make up and apologize when you have a misunderstanding? The romance can quickly burn out if there’s no give and take. If you’ve been sacrificing your needs just to “compromise,” then you will be drained and exhausted soon enough. The relationship will quickly meet an end because it is already a broken relationship.

10. YOUR PARTNER TREATS OTHER PEOPLE POORLY.

People always put their best foot forward at the beginning of relationships, but you should always pay attention to your partner’s behavior towards other people. For example, how does he treat waiters? How does he act toward his parents or co-workers? If you’re going to be in a long-term relationship with this person, you will have ups and downs. And when the love and affection aren’t there, how will he treat you? Your relationship might not have much of a shot if he’s this way.

Esther Ijewere™©

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In Uncategorized February 14, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

11 WAYS TO BE A MORE LOVING PARTNER

“Are you in a relationship presently and you are trying to figure out how to love your partner more?”

“Are you about to go into one and need to know how to love your partner right ?”

This article is for you!

Read on and learn some of the doable ways in which you can learn how to love — become more loving, win your partner back, and enjoy a satisfying relationship. Once you know what genuine love looks like, it will be easy to implement.

Most people mistakenly think that love is a feeling. Here’s the thing, they have it all wrong.

In order to be more loving, you have to understand what love truly is. It’s not just a feeling. It’s a Commitment. It’s an Action. It’s a Decision..

It’s understandable why we’re confused about love. The movie industry has put a spell on us. They have us believe that two people can fall in love.

True, genuine love begins after the spell wears out, after the honeymoon ends and real life begins.

Are you ready to become a more loving partner? You look ready to me. Let’s go!

1. Commit to Your Relationship

Decide that you are going to be in the relationship; that you are going to work toward its growth; that you will nourish it to the best of your ability. Without that commitment, you don’t have the necessary foundation to build a loving relationship. That is why this first step is crucial.

If you have that commitment, read on.

2. Invest Time

The workaholic who works 60 hours a week might say, “I love my family so much. I’m working hard to provide for them.” That’s not love. Remember, love is not a feeling; it’s not words. It’s an action that you decide to take. One of the most important ways to demonstrate love is to spend time with the person you love. After all, time is our most prized possession. You show someone you love them by spending quality time with them.

If you want to become more loving, find time every day to connect with your loved one. You can do this with a text, a phone call, or a lunch date. Be creative.

3. Communicate Your Love

There are countless and effective ways to do this. Find ways to communicate your love through action. Bring home a treat, do the dishes, make dinner, leave a note in his favorite coffee mug, etc. Before he leaves for the gym, my husband takes off his chain and sets it on his nightstand.

As a writer, one of my favorite guidelines is, show, don’t just tell. By doing this, the writer provokes a reaction from their readers, helps them feel the emotion the character is feeling. This works in real life as well.

Take an action, however small, that SHOWS your partner you love them.

4. Acknowledge the Thoughtful Things Your Partner Does

One of the ways to be a more loving partner is to acknowledge all your partner does for you. You might be taking your partner for granted and not even realizing it.

Do you thank them for doing the laundry, walking the dog, making dinner, doing the dishes, working out, replacing the soap and shampoo before it runs out, etc? There are a million little things that keep a home going, and it’s easy to forget that someone is doing it. Acknowledge it.

5. Be Supportive

In what ways can you be supportive to your partner? Maybe it’s supporting a hobby they have, or wishing them a fun girl’s day out, or being there for every music recital, etc. When you’re supportive, your partner will feel like they can’t fail. It will provide the encouragement they need to keep going and have fun at the same time.

6. Provide Space

Clinginess can ruin a relationship. Too much of anything can be deleterious to its survival. Yes, it’s good to spend time together. In fact, I recommend it, but it’s also good to find a healthy balance.

Providing space means you allow your partner to express himself/herself in the way they enjoy. Allowing your partner time with friends and family is important. You don’t have to be by their side 24/7.

“We all need time to explore, reflect, and express ourselves individually.”

Create a space for your partner so that they can express their creativity. Let them be them without you. Remember, they were someone long before you came along.

7. Avoid Put Downs

Here’s the thing, when you’re in a relationship, you pretty much know everything about your partner–the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s easy to resort to put downs when you’re angry and upset about something they’ve done.

For example, let’s suppose they’re late for a movie. It happens. Don’t start in with, “Late again?! Jeez, you’re never on time, you moron!” Or, “No wonder your parents are disappointed by you!”

What are you trying to accomplish? It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re having a constructive discussion. It actually sounds like a war in progress.

We have enough strife in the world. Don’t allow it to infiltrate your home. Speak with respect. Let love be the motivator, not pettiness.

8. Be Willing to Compromise

Relationships are partnerships. Often, one or both of the people involved forget that; they’re a little too self-absorbed, always wanting what they want when they want it regardless of how their partner feels.

Since all relationships require some form of compromise to be successful, the couple has to work as a team. It’s always a give and take. Willingness to compromise can go a long way in creating happiness and feelings of well-being in the relationship.

9. Listen

You might think you’re listening, but next time your partner is talking, pay attention to your thoughts. What are you thinking? Are you really listening? Are you formulating your answer? Have you tuned out? True listening requires a great deal of effort, but it is a gift to the person who is feeling heard.

When you truly listen, the other person feels valued, important, like they matter. And isn’t that a gift you want to give your partner? It doesn’t cost a thing, but the dividends are priceless. True listening is the encapsulation of love.

Try this exercise, ask your partner a question, then really listen. Don’t get discouraged if your mind wanders for a spell, bring it back and re-focus. Your partner will sense your attentiveness and be ever so grateful.

10. Drop Old Issues

It might sound crazy to bring up past issues and hurts while in an argument, but couples do it all the time. There is no reason to bring up the past. Ask yourself: “What’s the point? What am I trying to accomplish? Am I trying to fix the problem or make it worse?” Old issues have no place in the present. Let them go. Concentrate on the here and now.

The bottom line is: make your relationship stronger, not weaken it.

11. Learn to say “Sorry” and mean it

People make mistakes. It’s good to apologize. Not just a fake apology, but a true, heart-felt apology. Apologies go a long way to repair a broken relationship. If you are in the wrong, say it. Mean it. Make sure the person understands that you are making amends.

You are not going to come off as weak if you say you’re sorry. Not only will you validate your partner’s feelings, you’ll gain respect. More than likely, your partner will say something like, “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that.” Make amends when you need to. Your partner will look at you with the loving eyes you crave.

Final Thoughts

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Being loving is the most amazing gift you can give. All the heart flutters, the butterflies in the belly, and the buckling knees, can’t replace genuine loving acts.

Don’t allow your relationship to be fed by simply stringing a set of words together. It takes a great deal more than that. It takes a Commitment, an Action, and a Decision. Done over and over again.

You have everything you need right here. It’s the start you need to make it to the finish line of your relationship. If your relationship has suffered an injury, implement the above tips for a week, a month. See what happens.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development February 13, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

7 SIGNS YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

An ideal relationship is one of equity, where both partners give and take happily in a positive, healthy dynamic. But maybe you’re having some doubts about your own relationship. Is it really one of reciprocity? Does your partner care for you as much as you care for them?

Unfortunately, differences in commitment levels are far from unusual in relationships. But you and your partner both deserve to be with someone who they share a balanced dynamic with, so you need to make sure you’re not being taken for granted or led on.

Here are 7 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Care About Your Relationship

1.You hardly interact

How often do you and your partner interact? If they are interested in you beyond a superficial level, they would want to spend as much time as they can with you. This doesn’t mean they won’t be busy or have their own hobbies and commitments. But it does mean that they’d make an effort to see you or at least talk to you very regularly.

Consider;

How often do you go on dates? Is it often many weeks before you see each other in person?

Do you text each other regularly? Or are there long gaps between messages, and many days that you go without speaking?

Do you call each other, especially when you can’t see each other for a while?

How quickly do they respond to your messages or attempts at interaction?

Do they often make last-minute plans, or cancel long-made ones?

If your partner doesn’t seem to want to spend that much time interacting with you, they probably only think of you as a side-fling.

2 – They Avoid Presenting You As a Partner

When you’re with someone you care for, it’s hard not to want to show them off. You proudly announce that this is your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. You tag them in cute pictures on social media. You tell others stories about them.

But what if your partner just thinks of you as a fling? They likely won’t want to make others think you’re their partner because they don’t see this as a long-term thing.

A partner who is in it for the long run will:

Be very excited about showing you off to others

Proudly bring you around with them

Introduce you as their partner in a positive way

Tell others about you, even just in passing

Have no problems posting social media photos or statuses that involve you

On the other hand, a partner who doesn’t care about sticking with you will:

Introduce you as a friend or refuse to use committed terms for you

Seem embarrassed by you, as though they don’t want to be seen with you

Never talk about you, ever

Refuse to be open about your relationship on social media

3 – You’ve Never Met Their Friends Or Family

Someone’s friends and family are the people they spend time with. These are the lovely people your partner cares most about. If you were an important part of your partner’s life, they would have decided to introduce you to the other people they love so that their worlds can collide in harmony.

But if your partner doesn’t want you to meet anyone he knows, there’s a good chance that’s because they don’t think it’s necessary. You won’t be around for long enough for the stress and anxiety of these meetings to be worth it, and maybe your partner doesn’t see there being much of a point, to begin with.

4 – You Initiate Everything

No matter what, it seems like you’re always initiating every interaction you have with your partner. They never take the first step, and it’s enough to make anyone wonder if the relationship is a real, committed one. Sadly, the answer is probably “no”. This goes for:

Texts

Calls

Dates

Intimacy

Gestures of affection

Gifts

Your positive thinking may spur you to continue this pattern of repeated and unreciprocated initiation, but be careful. There’s a good chance that they just don’t consider you worth that effort.

5 – Your Interactions Revolve around Physical Intimacy

Does your partner only seem to ring you up for intimate activities, as though you’re a number to casually dial for booty call services? Perhaps you’ve noticed that, no matter what you’re doing, things always slowly devolve into private, steamy exchanges.

This is even more of a red flag if you try to get your partner to do other activities with you outside of the bedroom, but they repeatedly turn you down. It definitely sounds like they’re only interested in intimate activities, and not in being with you in the long run. Sure, intimacy is important in all sexual relationships, but it shouldn’t be all that you do.

6 – They Don’t do Anything for you

Relationships are about give and take, and a healthy one involves plenty of that. More importantly, a positive and committed relationship has both partners making “sacrificial” types of gestures for the betterment of their significant other’s life or happiness.

They don’t have to be big gestures, and you certainly shouldn’t expect a partner to give up everything in their life for you. But there are some common signs of commitment through small sacrifices, including:

Doing things for you that they don’t necessarily enjoy

Changing up their schedule every now and then to be with you

Helping you whittle down small things on your to-do list

Being there for you when you’re feeling down

Offering to help you out with small tasks

Buying you simple but meaningful gifts

Actively trying to make you happy

If your partner refuses to do absolutely anything at all for you, there’s a good chance that they don’t care about you or your relationship.

7 – You Only Seem To Meet at The same Place and time

Couples typically like the process of switching things up every once in a while, and doing the exact same thing can get fairly monotonous and boring. But for some reason, everything about your relationship is monotonous. You meet at the same places every time you do meet, or at the exact same time, or only at night, or even all three.

Why is this a bad sign? Well, it could indicate that your partner doesn’t want to bring you into their life – they just want you to be a regular stop in their daily routine. It sounds nice until you realize that this means you’re not a partner in this situation: you’re a convenient number on a list.

This can also indicate that:

Your partner is hiding something

Your partner doesn’t want to alter their schedule to see you

Or, your partner is meeting with you out of convenience

Of course, jumping to these conclusions quickly is a bad idea, but you should be ready for the unexpected when you bring this up to your partner.

8 – They Don’t Know Much About You (And They Don’t Ask)

Does your partner sometimes feel like a stranger? Do they buy your least favorite chocolate to give you as a gift, even after you’ve told them you dislike it countless times? Do they have no idea what you do for a living? Have they mixed up your hobbies multiple times?

A partner who doesn’t know much about you is probably not interested in finding out more about you and committing it to memory. It’s even worse if they never ask – it truly shows that they have little to no actual interest in you.

This also goes the other way around. A partner who is committed often shares more about themselves with their significant other, according to studies that examine the positive and negative links between self-disclosure and commitment readiness.

9 – They Don’t Talk About The Future

Someone who cares about your relationship and is committed to you will happily discuss the future with you. This doesn’t have to be about marriage or having kids, either (and in most newer relationships, it won’t be!). Instead, you may notice things like:

Your partner talks about his future while including you in it

Your partner seems to naturally include you in all their future plans

Or, your partner expresses a desire to be with you for a long time

Your partner makes plans months in advance with you for vacations, dates, or other events

Your partner is happy to have an open, honest conversation about the direction of your relationship

On the flip side, a partner who completely refuses to talk about the future at all, they probably are not committed to you and don’t care about the relationship nearly as much as you do.

– Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development February 6, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

9 SIGNS A MAN LIKES YOU (BUT IS AFRAID TO SAY IT)

“Do you feel a guy likes you but he is afraid to say it”? This article is just for you!

Some men are shy like that, they will do everything and anything to please you, while acting like you are just a friend. Lol.

The dating scene is tough to navigate. It’s especially difficult when you have to try to read someone and figure out whether they actually like you or not. The fact that lots of people can be cripplingly shy about their attraction definitely doesn’t help matters!

Luckily, no matter how cautious someone is, they’re sure to let slip a few tell-tale signs that indicate their interest. Though they can differ from person to person, for the most part, they’re pretty reliable!

1. He Jokes about liking you!

It’s not unusual for someone to fear rejection. In fact, it’s very natural. As such, a man who is afraid you aren’t interested and will turn him down may try to test the waters and gauge your reaction to a suggestion that he might like you. He may do this by making jokes about:

Having a crush on you

Going out on a date with you

Calling you his girlfriend or boyfriend

Doing something romantic together

The reason he may tell these jokes is so that if your reaction to them is not positive, he can just laugh it off and play it like a harmless, innocent joke, avoiding awkwardness and saving face.

Depending on whether you want this guy to like you or not, tailor your reactions to be clear and concise so he understands them. React negatively if you’re not interested, and positively if you are. Usually, all you have to do in this scenario if you want him to ask you out is to just react well, and after a few of these jokes, he’ll make the leap and say them for real.

2. His body language

Body language speaks much louder than verbal language in many cases. That’s why communication, on the whole, is just as much about nonverbal language as it is about the words you say.

There are a number of ways that body language can be one of the biggest signs a man likes you. To begin with, pupil dilation is a very quick and easy way to see if someone likes you, or at least likes your appearance. Pupils dilate when they see something pleasing, after all.

Here are a bunch of other body language signs that you can take note of, such as:

An open facial expression (parted lips, slightly flared nostrils, slightly raised eyebrows)

Touching his face while looking at you

Open arms, not crossed

Facing you with his whole body

Leaning in towards you

Fidgeting with hair

A quick eyebrow raise and lower

Smoothing clothing

Playing with buttons

Fiddling or pulling socks

Spread legs when seated and facing you

Standing with legs at hip-width apart, hands on hips

Sitting on the edge of a seat

Standing straight, chest puffed, shoulders back

“Accidental” light touching

Doing big or loud motions to attract your attention

3. He appears Jealous, even though he hides it

When you like someone and they don’t know about it, it’s easy to get jealous when other people interact with them. The same is true for most men. As such, if you speak to other people who suit your sexual orientation, flirt with them, or spend time with them, you might notice that the man you’re wondering about gets agitated or angry.

Of course, if this man is a good person, they’ll likely not admit their jealousy and won’t let it get out of hand. Jealousy, after all, is not a very positive emotion and can be toxic. But you might still be able to notice his gritted teeth and demeanor changes when he sees you with someone else.

4. His Friends know who you are

If you hang out with this guy and his friends and they all seem to know about you, then it’s pretty easy to figure out that the man in question has been talking about you to his buddies. This means he’s likely talked about you, his interest in you, or shared some of his thoughts or feelings about you with them.

Think about it – when you’ve got a crush, don’t you tell your close friends, too? Men do the same, and even shy guys are likely to share their attraction to you with those they trust.

5. You catch him staring

A man infatuated can’t help looking at the person he’s into. He wants to watch everything they do and admires their subtle actions and movements easily. So if you continually catch a man staring, even just quick, subtle glances, there’s a good chance that he’s into you.

Usually, when you meet the eyes of a man staring at you, he’ll quickly avert his gaze and pretend he wasn’t even looking. This is because he’s frightened of being caught, and isn’t ready to reveal his feelings for you yet. He’ll pretend to be busy, quickly glance at his phone or out the window, and basically look like someone putting on a very unconvincing act!

But, if a man lets you see that he’s staring at you, he’s already flirting with you! At that point, it’s on you to either encourage or discourage the interactions to achieve the end-goal you desire.

It’s difficult not to notice when someone’s eyes are tracking you. The human brain is actually capable of feeling an odd sensation when someone’s gaze won’t leave us, alerting us of what’s going on. Use this positive sixth-sense of sorts to determine whether that guy is watching you!

6. He acts anxious or nervous

If someone is usually confident and smooth but acts nervously around you, then it’s a sign that they feel something special for you. If he’s usually relaxed and laid-back but becomes high-strung and fidgety whenever you’re around, that’s a pretty good indicator that he likes you!

How can you tell if someone is nervous? Here are some common nervous behaviors that he may exhibit:

A cracking, dry voice

Lots of throat-clearing

Fidgeting with any nearby object

Forgetting information

Blushing

Pacing around or swaying from side to side

Shrinking away or “escaping” the situation

Freezing up

7. He gives you mild compliments

When someone gives you big compliments, they are being open and honest, and likely aren’t trying to hide anything. They aren’t worried about coming on too strong because they might not be coming onto you at all.

But when a man gives you very small, subtle compliments, it’s often because they’re being extra careful. They’re afraid to tell you that they like you and therefore are giving you “safe” compliments that won’t result in awkwardness or embarrassment if you turn them down. Examples include:

You look nice.

You’re a really good listener.

That’s a nice shirt/skirt/dress.

You did well on that project.

It’s fun hanging out with you!

You’re pretty cool.

You’re really good at (insert hobby or talent).

I like what you’ve done with your hair.

8. He smiles alot around you

When a man feels good around you, he’s more likely to fall for you. Of course, feeling good also means you’re more likely to be in a good mood. So, if a man is feeling warm and fuzzy inside, they’re sure to let it show on their face through generous smiles. It’s a totally natural and positive reaction!

Of course, do note that smiling doesn’t always refer to happiness – but you can’t deny that someone ecstatic to see you will be grinning from ear to ear! A lot of times, a man who likes you but is afraid to say it will try to dampen his smile or make it less obvious so his feelings aren’t found out.

As such, it’s important that you pay attention to how the smiling occurs. Does this guy smile all the time? Is he usually serious, but now has a bit of a grin? Does he look like he’s trying not to smile too much? Take note!

9. He Somehow Always Manages To Spend Some Time With You

Someone who likes you is going to want to spend time with you. That’s just how it works. After all, being with that person makes you feel good, so it’s only natural to want to increase those feelings.

Of course, we’re not talking about stalking or predatory behavior. We’re referring to the ways that someone will try to see you as often as he can!

If a man likes you but is afraid of showing it, he will find any and every excuse possible to hang out with you. He just happens to be around you a lot, or chooses or be in close quarters with you. He might:

Decide to attend an event because he knows you’re going

Join your table during meals

Seem to have something to say to you often

Stop by your table/desk/place of work often, even if it’s just for a few minutes

Give you his full attention whenever he is around you

“Bump into you” fairly often

There is more…

When someone is trying to hide their feelings, it can be tough to decipher them and figure out whether or not they’re into you. One or two of these 9 signs a man likes you on very rare occasions may not indicate a serious crush, but several of them exhibited often certainly point to that!

What is there to do next? Well, if you aren’t interested, make it clear. But if you are, then why not make the first move? Waiting it out is a fine option, but it’s definitely a slow one, and sometimes you have to learn to take a leap of faith. So get your positive thinking going and just go for it!

Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development February 5, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

10 SIGNS OF A JEALOUS MAN

It’s hard to make a relationship stronger when your man is often negative. You must recognize the signs that he’s jealous and controlling early on. Don’t invest too much time in a non-productive partnership. If you find that he exhibits behaviors like these ten, you might need to find a new one before valentine :

1. He doesn’t call you, text you, or respond when you’re out with girlfriends.

It’s his way of showing you that he resents the time you spend with others because you’re not with him. If he isn’t happy, then he doesn’t want you to be happy. Like anything else in life that feels overwhelming, the feeling of being ignored when you’re doing something that makes you happy is not acceptable.

2. He won’t admit when he feels jealous, but he will withhold affection.

Sometimes he’ll refuse to be intimate, especially after he started a fight. It feels like he’s making you pay twice for his poor choice of behavior instead of accepting responsibility for his actions. You can tell if he really loves you by the way he looks at you.

3. He often makes excuses for not taking you out.

He doesn’t want you where you’ll attract attention from single men. If there is something he doesn’t want to do with you, then do it alone. Don’t let him hold you back or make you regret not doing things that make you happy. You are the one who decides how to live your best life!

4. He wants to decide the mood for both of you.

He will work hard to adjust any plans to be in control, and he will sabotage things he doesn’t want to do. When he’s feeling up, he expects you to feel the same. When he’s feeling down, he expects you to be miserable. You don’t get to have a say in what you do with your time together because he’s in control.

5. He will take steps to avoid being alone with you.

It’s hard for him to overcome jealousy. The underlying problem could be that you have both gotten into a boring intimacy pattern and he doesn’t want to admit it. You could spice things up and increase both of your libidos by trying something new, like taking tango lessons.

6. If you are in a really good mood, he cuts you down.

Or, he brings up something negative to change your mood. You know that positive thinking, especially daily meditation, will lower your stress levels. Even when you haven’t done anything wrong, he feels better about himself by bringing you down. This is because he suffers from low self-esteem or another personal problem that has nothing to do with your relationship. He is the jealous type, and his insecurities affect many of the days you spend together.

7. He resists your positive influences.

You can pray for him and wish him positive thoughts, but he should fix himself. You want him to overcome jealousy, but he enjoys being miserable. When you suggest taking a walk on the beach together, he says, “No, I’ll just stay home in my boxers and watch UFC. No fun today.”

8. To make you feel jealous, he pays attention to other women.

He often looks at them, flirts with them, and adds them to his Facebook or Snapchat. However, whenever this happens, you aren’t “allowed” to feel jealous. If you try it, he gets livid.

9. He leaves the restaurant if you talk to another guy.

He doesn’t give you a chance to explain that you are reconnecting with a long-lost friend or a college study partner.

10. He makes up details about past boyfriends.

You hate this because he does it in front of friends, colleagues, or members of the family. If he wasn’t insecure, he wouldn’t judge you for the past. A boyfriend who loves you will not use anything you might have shared to embarrass you.

Esther Ijewere™©

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In self development January 25, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, REPEAT THESE 12 PHRASES

Before depression medications like Xanax and Prozac were introduced and became the norm for depression treatment, people relied on phrases or mantras to help calm their system and relieve anxiety. The practice of repeating phrases until you feel better has been done for centuries among those who believe in various faith traditions. These phrases are like hymns and chants that implore spiritual and psychological healing, but you can still use these phrases to repeat under your breath as a remedy for when you’re feeling depressed.

HERE ARE 12 PHRASES TO REPEAT TO YOURSELF IF YOU’RE FEELING DEPRESSED

1. I AM STRONG.

It’s a misconception that only the weak and the needy suffer from depression. It’s also a myth that those who ask for help are actually the weakest because they depend on someone else. On the contrary, many depressed people who ask for help show self-awareness, and that’s a sign of strength. It shows that they want to change their situation.

2. I WILL GET BETTER.

Depression triggers hopelessness. Saying these words over and over promotes positive thoughts despite your emotionally stormy state. The reality is, eventually you will get better because the dark clouds hanging over you won’t be there forever.

3. I AM STILL BREATHING.

Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh believes in mindful breathing and shared a similar phrase in his book “You Are Here.” The practice of concentrating on the breaths you take, while chanting this phrase, helps the mind to unite with the body, thus bringing a sense of calmness.

4. LET IT GO.

There is a lot of wisdom in the famous words from Elsa, the animated Disney character from “Frozen.” If you find yourself in an obsessive state of anxiety, where you worry about things that haven’t happen or won’t likely happen or conflicts that might arise, then simply say these three words over and over.

5. BE NOT AFRAID.

This phrase, and its variation, “Fear not,” is repeated over a hundred times in the Scriptures. Many people, including the non-religious, find comfort in it. There seems to be a healing power in meditating on the words of a Higher Being and repeating the phrase could pacify anxieties. While the fear is still there, uttering the phrase gives you control over it.

6. THERE’S NO DANGER.

Depression can trigger thoughts and feelings that might make you feel your life is under a threat. Saying these words repeatedly should appease your thoughts and open your eyes to the reality that the danger is all in your mind. This phrase goes hand in hand with, “Be not afraid. “

7. I HAVE INNER PEACE.

“Om Shanti Om” means inner peace and it is the simplest mantra that Tibetan monks often chant. Invite inner peace into your mind and body to relieve depression and its physical symptoms. You will start feeling your tensed chest loosening up by repeating to yourself that you have inner peace.

8. MY THOUGHTS, WORDS, AND ACTIONS CONTRIBUTE TO MY HAPPINESS AND FREEDOM.

This phrase encourages a life of positivity, compassion, and empathy. It implores a person to live as a servant of life who is in harmony with other beings, including nature and the environment. It has its roots in the tenets of Jivamukti Yoga, which shows the path to enlightenment.

9. SOMEDAY THIS PAIN WILL MAKE SENSE.

People who haven’t experienced sadness or pain aren’t interesting because there’s no depth and growth in them. While it seems like life is full of misfortunes now and it’s causing a wave of depression in you, be assured that one day you’ll see the purpose in your pain. By repeating the phrase over and over, you will find your strength, resilience, and maturity.

10. I NEED TO BE KIND TO MYSELF IN MY SUFFERING.

Kristin Neff in her book “Self-Compassion” had a similar mantra for handling negative emotions. She said that it’s important to acknowledge your pain and suffering, so you can treat yourself with compassion in moments of difficulty. It follows the same advice as famed teacher Pema Chödrön in the book “When Things Fall Apart,” where she instructs followers to face their problems, not run away from them. Feeling depressed should help you see what’s vital to your life and it should trigger your drive to overcome it. After all, life is about surviving.

11. ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Depression may spike because you feel a loss of control over a situation that’s causing stress. This phrase helps to remind yourself to beat that depressed feeling slowly but surely. When life drags you down, your best choice is to take a moment to help lessen the weight of your burden. One day, nothing will hold you back.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Depression can be crippling but it’s an emotion you can help control with positive thinking. The choice is yours – you can either let either let this pain hold you back or let this feeling enlighten you. Hopefully, one of these suggested phrases will help you find peace.

12. TRUST IN THE PROCESS.

Obstacles are part of life, but depression sometimes leads you to ask questions like, “Why me?” or, “Why does this keep happening to me?” or, “Why is my life so challenging?” It’s hard to see the right path clearly during your most troubled times, but with this phrase, you can condition your mind to see obstacles as part of a learning opportunity. They’re not there to make a victim out of you. You have to trust in the process.

Source: Power of positivity

In self development January 5, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

6 SIMPLE WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE ATTRACTED TO YOU

If you are looking for a long-term partner, job, or more friends, you will have to make them attracted to you. Here are the 7 simple ways to make people attracted to you without turning them off.

1. BE CONFIDENT, BUT NOT ARROGANT

First, it is important that you are confident about yourself. Being proud of who you are and liking your characteristics is one of the keys to make people like you. This also includes being sociable, being able to go along with the conversation and being smart when talking. Confidence is attractive, but you have to remember not to be conceited or arrogant as you might only push people away from you.

2.SENSE OF HUMOR

People who are funny are known to be intelligent and sociable. Most people are looking for this characteristic when searching for romance or friends. Even if someone is not interested in you, you can grab their attention by making them laugh.

3.ASK DEEP QUESTIONS

Cut the unnecessary conversations and start asking them deeper questions. This can make them personally connected to you and you can tell them something deep as well.

4. DON’T FORGET TO SMILE

You can easily make someone comfortable talking or having long conversations with you when you smile often. Of course, smiling is the easiest way to tell other people, “hey, don’t hesitate to talk to me, I’m friendly.”

5. EYE CONTACT

Making eye contact to a person makes you appear to be dominant and confident. This also makes you appear clever. You can also pair it with a strong handshake and you would totally nail it!

6.DRESS PROPERLY

When trying to make people attracted to you, it is important that you give attention to how you dress. Most people give definition to the clothes a person wears. It can be a definition associated to success or personality so if you want to make people notice you or attracted to you, make sure that you dress well.

Let me also add HAVE MANY PEOPLE AROUND YOU

People who are in groups tend to be more attractive. This is because it shows you that you are sociable and you can easily connect to other people. Having many people around you makes you look more attractive.

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Esther Ijewere

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In self development January 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS WITH HIM

Sometimes the line between like and love can be hard to distinguish. We’ve all been in that one relationship with a guy where all the pieces fit together perfectly.

He was charming and smart and funny and sweet and you get along like gangbusters. But in spite of all of this, there was a little voice in your head wondering…

“Would we be better off just as friends?”

Let’s get one thing straight right now: There is nothing WRONG with friendship.

Friendship is dope as hell and really rewarding for the people in it. How can you tell if he’s a perfect boyfriend or better off as your bud? There are lots of different signs, but we’ve pulled together the big ones to help you out.

Here are 4 signs you and your boyfriend are better of just as best friends

1.You can’t imagine a future together

You’ve been dating exclusively for a little while now. So it’s natural you stop to think about the future.

Not so natural?

Maybe you just can’t picture it. Or you don’t like what you see. You like him a lot, maybe you even love him, but when you think about making a life with him in it you draw a blank.

2. You love him but not that way.

When your friends talk about how much they love their boyfriends you get worried. Sure, you LOVE your boyfriend, but you aren’t on cloud nine or anything.

He’s a great guy, you take care of each other, you’ve got a lot of common interests. But it doesn’t seem like the storybook love affair true love is supposed to be. That’s because it isn’t … it’s true friendship.

3. You hate living with him.

You guys have been living together for a while and… You can’t stand it. It’s not that you each have quirks and need to get used to each other. It’s that you aren’t compatible as living partners romantically. You’d be better off as buddies, hell, even as roommates.

4. You want to open the relationship up.

Your relationship is going just okay. You have sex, and it’s also just okay. You don’t want to break up because it feels like there’s no real reason to. But you want to open up the relationship so that you can meet new people. Boredom and dissatisfaction in your relationship is not a sign you should open things up.

It’s a sign you’re dating a friend and not a lover.

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In self development January 2, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

4 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE A PEOPLE PLEASER

Do you find it hard to say No?

Do you obsess about what others think of you?

Do you seek validation for everything and from everyone?

Do you feel sad when you disappoint others even at the detriment of your mental health?

If you say yes to all of these, you are likely a chronic people pleaser and this article is just for you.

Incase you ask how I know these things, It’s because I was a people pleaser (Still recovery though lol) for the longest time till I worked on myself and focused on the rule of “Self before others”.

Here are 3 common signs of chronic people-pleasing and some ways to overcome it:

1. You’re Incapable of Saying No

Do you find it painfully hard to turn down the requests of family, friends, and even acquaintances or strangers? You really want to say no, but instead, you say yes to their various demands.

Before you know it, you’ve become the go-to person when something needs to get done. From the small to the large, you take on every task. You may even be considered a hero to some.

On the inside, you’re suffering. You genuinely want to help others, but you also know that you are depleting your own resources with every “yes.” You may fear that you’ll lose your friendships and good reputation by saying no. After all, last thing you want to be called is selfish.

Solution

First, realize that your capacity to care for others and your capacity to care for yourself are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the two are intimately related.

Second, understand that you are not responsible for the happiness of those around you. They are. Let these two realities give you permission to say no. Start practicing with small requests. Refuse kindly, and without apology.

2. You feel sad When You Discover Someone Doesn’t like You

This is a hard one. It seems reasonable to assume that if you go out of your way to please everyone, then everyone will like you. But it’s not true. Some people will dislike you simply because of who you are or for reasons outside of your control. You understand this intellectually, but you cannot stop trying to win the few holdouts.

Solution

Closely examine your desire to be liked by everyone. Did this originate in your childhood, as you tried to win the affections of family members or friends at school? Use tools such as reflection, meditation, and counseling to help you let go of past negative experiences.

As social beings, we need to be loved and accepted – but not by everyone. Decide whose love and affection is worth the effort and whose is not.

3. You’re Unaware of How Far You’re Willing to Go – Until You’re in over Your Head

This is a sure sign that you lack proper boundaries like my old self . You avoid setting limits because you believe this runs counter to having a generous spirit. But this simply allows people greater latitude to intrude into your life. The requests may become more and more unreasonable and you may not realize it until someone has crossed the line.

If you’ve taken on too much, you may experience passive aggressive behavior, crying for no apparent reason, anxiety, or depression.

Solution

Be willing to admit that your time and energy are limited, not because you’re selfish, but because it’s the truth. Boundaries are simply a recognition of that truth. Do not be afraid to set your boundaries and enforce them. It will take a while for you and others to get used to it, but you’ll experience an increased sense of well-being, and people will learn to accept your limits.

4. You Avoid Making Decisions or Sharing Your Opinions

Do you have a hard time voicing your opinions and feelings in a group setting or with close friends? Do you constantly allow others to make decisions for you? Oh dear, this was me for many years, oops!

Over time, this behavior is deadly, because as you defer to the opinions and decisions of others, you are silencing your own voice. This will rob the world of your unique perspectives and gifts.

Solution

Remember that you can disagree without being disagreeable. People can have diverse opinions and still treat each other with respect and kindness. So give voice to your thoughts, concerns, and needs.

Also, If you sometimes feel resentful towards others and you don’t know why….

This often happens when we suppress our feelings and needs over the long term.

Do you feel unexplained anger toward your close friends, spouse, or boss? The anger is your subconscious telling you that you have been neglecting yourself while helping others advance their goals. Think of this resentment as the “check engine” light turning on in your car. Don’t ignore it.

Solution

Face the truth of what is going on in your life. If you’re feeling overextended or taken advantage of, acknowledge these feelings. Avoid second-guessing yourself. Find time for self care, and make this a priority.

By Esther Ijewere

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