Friendship - Women of Rubies

In lifestyle January 5, 2023 By Women of Rubies

5 Reasons Why Female Friendships Are Important For Women’s Well-Being

A close-knit group of trusted friends is important for everyone’s well-being, but women in particular can benefit from their female friendships.

Here’s five benefits of female friendships, and why it’s so important to maintain and nurture them

Most of us have been dumped, experienced pain or loss, or faced conflict in our lives. As humans, we tend to go through highs and lows and these experiences can be a little easier when we have girlfriends to support us.

The truth is – having female friends is incredibly important for your mental health.

1. Female friends can understand you in ways that men may not

Although we are biologically alike, there are differences in the way different sexes can engage and react with situations. Without generalising too much, women tend to have nurturing, mothering qualities which can be empathetic and understanding when you need it the most.

So, when you vent about work or your in-laws, another woman can be more empathetic, validate your reasoning and draw on their own personal experiences to relate back to you.

A pattern I’ve seen in certain people who enter relationships is the isolation process that takes place after. They start spending all of their time with their significant other, coming to them for every type of support and slowly start fading away from their platonic relationships.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

Having an intimate connection with your significant other is great and expected in any healthy relationship. However, when it comes to vulnerability, it is never fair to confide in only one person.

When you are only confiding in one person for every single thing, you are inadvertently putting a heavy amount of pressure on that person. What you’re essentially doing is turning that person into an “emotional dumpster” so to speak.

And to put it simply, there are going to be times where your guy just can’t relate.

There are going to be times where your man is not going to be able to give you the comfort or support you need, and he really should not need to.

Your girlfriends understand you in a way that your man doesn’t.

The saying goes that “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” and there’s a lot of psychological truth to that. Even though men and women may complement each other, such friendships with our girlfriends are an outlet to “share problems, thoughts, feelings, and triumphs”.

By nature, women are more intuitive as well. Those things that come up that your guy thinks you are “overthinking” or being “crazy” about, your girls will be there to acknowledge your feelings and back with reasoning.

Confiding with your girlfriends gives you an entirely different level of emotional support.

2. Female friends can offer you a fresh perspective

Although women have the love and support of our partners, a female friend can offer you a different perspective in times of need.

For relationships, a female friend can act as an outsider looking in, giving honest advice that we may not always want to hear, but provides a different perspective that can positively influence our decisions.

Female friends can also be great for your self-esteem. A good female friend won’t fat-shame you or let you fat-shame yourself, they will tell you why you deserve that promotion or why your partner should treat you better.

After walking away from a conversation with a good female friend you should feel confident and supported.

3. Female friends can be a voice of honesty

Even if the honesty can come across as brutal, at least you know that you’re getting the absolute truth.

Female friends can be your sounding board, someone who will listen to your ideas, thoughts and opinions and then tell you what they honestly think. Recent research suggests that our female friends know us better than our partners. They therefore know when you need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a night out dancing and drinking cocktails!

4. Female friends get better with age

Good quality girlfriends are like fine red wines: they get better with age. Recent research actually tells us that the average female friendship lasts 16 years, which is 6 years longer than the average romantic relationship. Once we turn 55, our friendships on average last 23 years! Female friends can challenge us to try new things, act as mentors in our career and push us to excel in all areas of life.

5. Female friendships can help us deal with stress.

Women and men biologically have differing responses to stress. Women who are stressed respond with a reaction called ‘tend and befriend’, which means they tend to nurture those around them and reach out to others, often other women.

Research has even shown that women have higher survival rates from breast cancer when they have strong friendships than those in social isolation.

So…

Contrary to popular opinions on how women are their worst enemies, a lot of women have agreed and acknowledged the positive impact and pleasant vibes female friendships has offered to them. And from this article, it is clear how much benefits female friendships have to offer.

Get past the notion of women not being able to befriend each other, get past that idea of women being there wist enemies and open your eyes to a new horizon. See that women are not just capable of bonding and being friends, women are truly meant to be friends with each other.

In Uncategorized February 4, 2021 By Women of Rubies

5 Ways to Maintain Lifelong Friendships

When it comes to our physical and mental health, friendship may truly be the best medicine. strong social networks may lengthen survival in elderly men and women, with good friends being even more likely to increase longevity than close family members.

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”

A good friendship is indeed something to savor and protect. Yet, like any human relationship, even the closest of friendships can unravel in moments of weakness.

The closer we get to someone, the more invested we become in their emotions and behavior. We are far more likely to be reactive to our best friends. When they aren’t feeling or acting quite themselves, they can incite feelings of frustration, judgment, competitiveness, or hurt in us.

How can you avoid a falling out with someone you’ve long trusted and cared about? Start by accepting the fact that you can only change yourself. And, almost always, fixing a friendship is a matter of fixing yourself.

Think about what kind of friend you want to be as you consider these five tips for keeping your friendships strong throughout the years:

1. Be Honest

Relationships built on false build-ups or phony facades are only as good as their foundation. Superficial relationships often fizzle over time. To achieve a solid friendship, you have to be honest with each other. Being able to offer and receive feedback from someone you trust is a gift that can easily be overlooked.

Setting aside your ego and being willing to let someone know you and ask questions of you is invaluable. Friends are likely to ask the tough questions—“Why do you think you’re attracted to that person?” or, “Do you think you might be feeling jealous or hurt in this situation?” Having a friend who can tell it to you straight will help you know yourself better. Being able to reciprocate further challenges you to live with honesty, directness, and integrity.

There is no way to feel more connected to someone than to open yourself up to them. Plus, keeping an honest dialogue helps prevent you from building up cynicism and boiling over in a moment when you feel triggered.

2. Repair Misattunements

When you know someone well, you’re familiar with their strengths as well as with their weaknesses. And so, just as you know how to cheer them up, you know exactly how to tear them down. In moments of tension, we can let things slip out that are far more hurtful to our closest friends because they come from us.

No one is perfect. We are all sure to mess up at times, but when we do, we have to set pride aside and repair the situation. Being honest shouldn’t be about being cruel. Finding a balance where you can say what you think without being parental, defining, or judgmental is important for keeping a level of trust between you and a friend.

When you make a mistake, apologize for it. Make sure the friend understands that your intention is not to hurt or punish. Explain where you went wrong and what you mean by saying sorry. And don’t be afraid to be the one who reaches out; we all have either been part of, or known pairs of friends who’ve stopped speaking for months, because neither individual would come forward to admit fault. Time is precious and not worth wasting, especially when it comes to the people who make us happy.

3. Make Time and Show Appreciation

The familiarity and comfort we feel with another person can sometimes leave us crossing lines or forgetting to show gratitude. As with a spouse, partner, children, or family, we have to find time to make real contact with friends in order for the relationship to flourish. Slipping into a routine can leave us more likely to take friends for granted.

Make sure to express how you feel, and take actions that show how well you know and care for them. Generosity is the key to happiness. A good friend shows interest in who we are and what we struggle with, but it is important not to let the relationship become one-sided or to become self-centered in your focus.

Be sure to engage in acts of kindness and consideration that are focused on your friends. Do the things that they would perceive as caring. Consider their interests and passions when planning a way to say thank you.

4. Alter Your Expectations and Don’t Make Assumptions

In any relationship, we can start to impose certain expectations on others that set us up to feel hurt or disappointed. Don’t be quick to pick apart your friends. Accept that they are human and that they will make mistakes.

We may show our friendship in one way, whether through affection, favors, or gifts, but we shouldn’t necessarily expect the same from them. Don’t assume what your friends are thinking; Check it out instead. And accept that you could be wrong about their viewpoint—every individual possesses a sovereign mind and their own perceptions of the world. They may, in turn, have a very different way of expressing their feelings or showing that they care.

5. Choose Compassion Over Cynicism

A good rule of thumb when it comes to our relationships is to care more about doing what’s right than being right. When you get to know a person, you get to know their worst traits, and it’s easy to become cynical toward those negative aspects of their personality. It’s far more preferable to be compassionate. Compassion keeps us vulnerable instead of tough and guarded, or seeing the world through a negative lens.

Compassion, then, is its own reward, as it leaves us feeling good within ourselves regardless of how a friend may be behaving. Being honest and straightforward without being cynical is perhaps the most important quality of a good friend.

Why It Matters

Keeping close friends is an essential part of life that gives us meaning and fulfillment.

Holding yourself to these five standards will help you develop within yourself and expand your potential to grow meaningful friendships throughout your life. It’s no surprise that those people who are most giving of themselves are the most liked. Thus, keeping a realistic, yet compassionate outlook on the world will inherently expand your own world, attracting others along the way.

All of these characteristics are contagious: By being the kind of person you respect, you encourage others to do the same.

In Inspiration August 26, 2020 By Women of Rubies

5 Reasons Why You Should Not Give Up on Love

Looking for love is an exciting adventure. You get to meet new people, go out and have fun dates, and maybe, just maybe, meet the love of your life.

But dating can also be a huge bummer, and there are times when the journey is more frustrating than fun, especially as you get older. Instead of focusing on having an enjoyable night out, you’re wondering why you can’t seem to find Mr. or Ms. Right.

To get a great relationship, you have to be willing to put in the work. But what should you do when you feel yourself giving up on love?

Don’t let your desire for love burn out! Here are six reasons you shouldn’t give up on love.

1. Love Teaches Lessons

Going through another failed relationship can be a frustrating, heartbreaking, and depressing experience. But remember that timing is everything. Just because that love is over doesn’t mean love is over for you.

Instead of viewing your failed relationships as wastes of time, make a list of everything you learned from that relationship.

Perhaps you learned how to talk about your feelings and be vulnerable with someone else, and maybe you learned that looks aren’t everything.

If the relationship was a toxic one, maybe you learned that you’re stronger than you think.^[1] Maybe you learned what you don’t want and will not tolerate in your future relationships.

Whatever the case may be, take the lessons that love gives you and treasure them.

2. You Have the Time to Grow

Your single years are all about learning who you are and growing from each experience you go through.

If your ultimate goal is to get married, why not use this time to grow and develop skills and traits that would make you a great husband or wife?

For example:

Can you cook?
Do you have a job?
Can you handle your finances well?
Do you have your own house/apartment?
Are you patient?
Do you know how to express your feelings well?
Do you have selfish tendencies?

These are better than simply giving up on love. Now is the time to do some self-exploration and work out who you want to be for yourself, your friends, family, and your future partner.

3. Now Is the Time for You

There is no better time to be a little selfish with your pursuits, energy, and focus than while you are single. Now is the time for you to take strides toward your dream career, to travel, and to focus on your social life.

Of course, you can still do these things when you are in a relationship, but love has the potential to be limiting.

There’s no doubt that it’s worth it, but you can’t travel the world for months on end when you’re helping your partner pay a mortgage or raising a family. At least, you can’t do it as easily as you would when you are single.

Friendships are also important. These are the people who have supported you through every good and bad decision you’ve ever made. They were your shoulder to cry on when your relationships ended, and your dates ended up being duds.

Use this time as an excuse to focus on yourself and find out who you are when you aren’t part of a “We.”

Not only will this be good for your mental health and personal growth, but your confidence in yourself will also be incredibly appealing to your future partner.

4. You Deserve More Than Settling

If you want to find real love, you must be willing to stick it out for your perfect person instead of settling! When you wait to find that perfect person for you, you ensure that your personalities will gel.

Finding real love is about:

Spending quality time together
Learning the art of communication
Sharing similar goals and beliefs (though- they say opposites attract!)

Finding real love is also about finding someone you’re attracted to, who makes you laugh, and respects you.

If you haven’t found that yet, then why settle? You deserve the best relationship possible, so don’t give up on love yet. If it takes waiting a little while longer to find someone who hits all the checkmarks on your list, why not wait?

5. Things Worth Doing Are Rarely Easy

Think about it. The best things in life – the things that make you feel accomplished, proud of yourself, and inspired to do better are always difficult;

Getting a degree, running with endurance, getting fit/losing weight, breaking a bad habit, learning something new like scuba diving or how to speak another language…

These are all things that take time to accomplish, but you feel so satisfied when you’ve completed that challenge.

The same can be said for finding the right relationship. Deciding to wait for someone who fulfills you instead of dating the first person who asks all because you’re lonely takes strength.

It takes courage to break up with someone you love but who is ultimately bad for you. It takes effort to be patient. But you’ll be glad that you did.

Final Thoughts

Finding love isn’t always easy. It can be discouraging and may even feel like a full-time job sometimes – but don’t give up!

Resilience is the key to finding love. Enjoy the journey and focus on self-care and personal growth and absorb the lessons each relationship and each new date has to teach.

Source: Lifehack.org

In self development July 18, 2019 By Editor

7 TYPES OF FRIENDS EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO HAVE IN HER CIRCLE

Everyone likes to have that one person they can confide in and have the most fun with. It’s true that you can find this in a life partner but you also need a friend or two to be there for you.

It is very important to surround yourself with the right people because of the role they play in your happiness, success, and confidence, but who exactly is in that circle?

Research shows that having a strong friend group increases longevity and even reduces blood pressure and cholesterol levels. It is true that many women do not like to have a large number of friends yet is important that your close-knit friends have one or more of these qualities.

Here are 7 types of friends you need to surround yourself with especially when you are in your twenties and thirties.

1.The Confidant

Everyone needs a confidant. You need that one person that you know you can tell anything to and your secrets are safe with them. This friend understands how much you trust her, she knows all of your dirty little secrets and has kept every single one of them under lock and key.

2. The Fun One

When you’re having a bad day and in need of a good laugh this is the friend you turn to. All of your funniest stories probably include her some way or another.

She also the friend who asks you to go on a spontaneous road trip and is always down for an adventure. She gets you out of your comfort zone and puts you in a great mood.

3. The Listener

Sometimes you just need to vent — you don’t want advice, you don’t want to know if you’re right or wrong, you just want someone to listen. This is that friend. It’s important to let out your emotions and know that you don’t need to carry the burden alone.

4.The Motivator

This friend is always pushing you to be the best you can be and achieve your goals. There are always going to be times when you’re gonna be down on yourself when you need that extra push. They’re like your cheerleader, someone who is always pushing you and really believes in you,” she says.

5. The Counselor

This is the one that gives the best advice. She’s been there and done just about everything. For some reason, you are comfortable discussing your most private thoughts with her that you wouldn’t dare share with anyone else.

She’s the level-headed one who you can vent to about anything and she will not judge you. You feel so much better after your conversations with her.

6. The Older One

This is your older friend, the one you go to for all of your major life advice. She’s had a lot of experience and has been in your shoes before, so she has a lot of wisdom to offer. Whether you’re deciding to make a major career change or take your relationship to the next level, she’s got an answer.

7. The Blunt One

This is the one that will tell you like it is, even when you don’t want to hear the truth. But she’ll tell you in a loving, sisterly kind of way ( and sometimes, she’ll just give it to you with no filter because the situation calls for it).

This is the one that when everyone else is walking on eggshells around you (to avoid hurting your feelings), she’ll tell you exactly how she feels, take it or leave it.

Credit: fabwoman.ng

Photo credit: Essence

In self development February 4, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

JANE UDOKA: THE LITTLE THINGS OF LIFE THAT MATTERS

The world and life itself is a never ending maze filled with similar looking alleys called twists. Everyone constantly runs and walks through this maze searching for particular and specific life goals. For some, these goals maybe love, suitable life partners, stable income, friends or something as intricate as finding one’s true self. Truth is though, no one knows what she may find at the next corner and while life is generally that uncertain, and nothing can ever fully prepare us for it, there are certain things that can sure help along the way.

I’m and will always be a strong advocate for healthy friendships. Amazing friendships are almost a basic necessity of life. No man is an island they always say and if you want to go far in life, you have to learn to work alone some would also contradictorily say. Yes, I do believe them both, you know why? Because just as friends can be a strong help, they can also be your downfall if you happen to come across the wrong ones. Friends are family when you make the right ones, they’re the ones who’ll stretch out their hands and pull you up when it feels like you’re drowning. I’ll strongly say, in navigating this maze called life, get you, a great friend and be one too.

Your essence is something you have to find and stay true to. It’s amazing just how much people undermine this seemingly simple yet so important aspect of life. Your essence is your being, basically speaking it is who you are, what makes you who you are and anything that makes you tick. In the world of ever changing social trends and the glamour filled social media life, your essence is something that staying uncompromisingly true to, will help you navigate this maze. Understanding you are different from any other person, that you are unique and amazing and there’s no other person just like you will always help you find your path in this maze.

Self confidence and self preservation is yet another great help. Often times, along these alleys in this maze, you’ll find people that will seek to grow on you, or put you down just to help themselves in the process. That is when self confidence comes in, understanding that you’re worth so much more. Self preservation simply put means safeguarding your emotions and senses, sifting through yourself and gradually blocking that with disturbs your inner peace.

Inner drive is something that you definitely need in this journey, it’ll push you to always aim higher than the last achieved feat. It’ll be there, to push you and encourage you when you lose your way in the maze, it’ll be there to wake you up and seek ways to improve your life in the maze.

About Jane

21 year old Udoka Jane O is a trained Engineer, She is a professional freelance writer on Relationship and healthy lifestyles. Jane has written a number of mind engaging articles….

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In self development November 23, 2018 By Editor

MEET THE FIVE FRIENDS WHO WERE BRIDESMAIDS IN EACH OTHER’S WEDDING AND ARE NOW U.S STATE SENATORS

Kerry Donovan, Tammy Story, Faith Winter, Jessie Danielson and Brittany Pettersen, “The Fab Five,” are all longtime friends, serving as bridesmaids in each other’s weddings, and now they’ve all been elected as state senators in Colorado.

The women supported each other during their campaign, Winter shared while speaking to People. She said:

Through the campaign, the five of us were very supportive of each other. We had several text chains where we would check in with one another and see how we were doing.”

If a particularly bad ad or piece of mail came out. We would reassure each other on the text chain, “Have you seen the mail? It’s so awful, how are you doing?”

Danielson shared that the wins were “pretty amazing,” and her and her friends “were all in it together.”

Donovan discussed how it was important to have friends who were going through the same struggles, who could relate with the difficult parts of the journey.

Our families are incredibly supportive, but it’s not their name on the thousands of pieces of mail going out or on the TV. So being able to talk to them, and they are going through the exact same thing, it was so supportive.

Photo Credit: People

Credit: BN