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Asmau Benzies Leo is an Ambassador of Peace and Humanity, a Gender Advocate, Women’s Right Activist and a Vital Voices Fellow (a Global network of established women leaders from across the world which was founded by the former US Secretary of State, Senator Hillary Clinton). She is the founder and former Executive Director of the Centre for Nonviolence and Gender Advocacy in Nigeria (CENGAIN). Presently, she heads the Gender and Vulnerable Group Care Unit of the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) Abuja, In this interview with TOBI AWODIPE, she reveals how her background propelled her into the life of service, caring for the most vulnerable people in society including the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) and victims of Sexual and Gender-based Violence and why rapists deserve life imprisonment.

Tell us about yourself, educational achievements, growing up etc.?
I was born in an average home into the family of Mr Benzies Gangsomense and Mrs Mary Benzies, middle class civil servants in the mid 70s in Ganye local government of Adamawa state. I am Chamba by tribe. Growing up as a child was so interesting. I was so adventurous, I could do many things boys do, I could climb mango trees; make my own toys from the scraps around the house and stand up to any bully that wants to intimidate me. These traits in me from early childhood have helped me build a strong character as an adult and have made me always speak up and defend people that have no voice.

My father had 12 children and I happen to be the fourth child. He treated each of us equally; he never discriminated against us being girls but invested a lot in our education, in order that we might become useful to the society and ourselves. This was his cliché till death took him two years ago. I grew up as an independent minded child because we had a lot of other people staying with us in the house. My mother was taking care of us her own children and still catering for many others but you can hardly differentiate between her own biological children and the other children under her care, because she treated us all the same. I grew up seeing my mother take care of the sick and needy because my father was working as a Chief Nursing Officer in the hospital and when sick people come and they couldn’t afford to pay their hospital bills, they usually went to my mother for assistance and she went out of her way to help. Seeing my mother’s compassion for humanity made me develop the passion to become a humanitarian myself. My family was not rich but we gave out of the little we had.

For my education, I started my early childhood education at Capital Primary School, Birnin Kudu now in Jigawa State, and then when my parent left for Kano state, I continued there but finally concluded my primary education in former Gongola state (now Adamawa State). On finishing primary school I got a scholarship as the pioneer set of the Exchange Program (Unity Schools) in Government Girl’s College in Maiduguri, Borno State and from there, proceeded to the University of Maiduguri where I obtained a degree in Sociology and Anthropology. During my one-year compulsory youth service (NYSC), I was posted to Dutse, Jigawa State where I served. During the service year, as part of my community development project, I carried out a sensitization campaign on the ‘Importance of Girl-Child Education, Prevention of Early Marriage and HIV/AIDS’, which earned me an award. This was what spurred me to establish an NGO that would address the needs of women and girls, advocate for gender parity and the protection of the rights of women and girls especially in disaster situations, hence the starting of Centre for Nonviolence and Gender Advocacy in Nigeria (CENGAIN).

Again, because of my passion for female involvement in peace and security I went further to pursue a master in Conflict Management and Peace Studies from the University of Jos. I’m still hoping to get a Ph.D. soonest in gender, conflict and peace development very soon.

I have also worked with the United Nations as well as several local and international bodies and agencies as a consultant.

As the head of the gender and vulnerable group care unit of NEMA, tell us briefly what your job entails?
The unit I head is situated under the relief and rehabilitation department of the agency. Speaking personally and not officially, I facilitate the process of mainstreaming gender and inclusion of women and other vulnerable groups into disaster management programs and activities in the country. We work with several partners in the discharge of these duties.

What would be the role of women in the prevention and response to gender based violence that you are promoting?
Disaster affects both men and women disproportionately. There is no doubting the fact that cultural barriers, patriarchal norms and impediments have increased the risk and vulnerabilities of women to disasters more than their male counterpart.

Of course, not all women are equally vulnerable or exposed to the effects of hazards and disasters in identical ways. Women’s lives, like men’s, are shaped both by gender relations in a particular culture, or by everything else about them; their age, their physical capacities, their ethnic or racial status and economic conditions, to name a few.

Research conducted around the world from a gender perspective does suggest that women are likely to be especially vulnerable to disasters, simply because gender inequality is so widespread. The daily lives of girls and women may increase their exposure to all kinds of unsafe conditions and hazardous events. Women also tend to have less power in household decisions, just as they are under-represented in political decision making. When their voices aren’t heard, their immediate needs or long-term interests may not be taken into account.

This is why we need more women and girls to be involved in disaster management activities and humanitarian response in the country especially at the highest levels of decision-making.

Would you say your background in NGO and similar roles are helping out today?
I belong to a lot of professional bodies both locally and internationally such as Professionals in Humanitarian Assistance and Protection (PHAP), International Association of Emergency Managers, Global Network of Women Peace builders, Chartered Institute of Human Capital Development of Nigeria and Nigerian Institute of Training and Development, amongst others. I have also obtained a certificate in Executive Leadership from Howard University and attended the commission on the status of women at the United Nations among others.

So, looking at all these and considering how far I’ve gone in the NGO field, I can boldly say that it has set me on a good pedestal and guiding me to where I am today. It has been quite rewarding because through that, I’ve been opportune to work with a lot of people in government, private sectors, development partners, local NGOs, media and the academia. In fact it was because of my achievement in the NGO field that I got my present job.

How does your present position help in supporting victims of gender-based violence?
I work with women and girls and other vulnerable groups and I discover women suffer a lot in silence when they face violence, either domestically or in the public sphere. For instance, rape has become a major concern in our society today and many of us are keeping quiet about it, pretending it doesn’t exist.
Even the persons directly affected usually keep mute instead of seeking justice. The victims rationally fear the potential negative short- and long-term consequences for themselves and their families if people know their identities. Rape is a violation related more to power and violence than to sex, and yet cultural practices often unfairly place shame on the rape victim rather than the perpetrator, or consider rape victims as tainted or unmarriageable, creating significant consequences for victims’ psychological, physical and emotional well-being. Again, cultural and familial after-effects of stigmatization due to rape provide a significant disincentive to women and girls to publicly reveal their identities when discussing their rape before the law enforcement agent.

Women and girls who suffer from any act of violence need to be supported through trauma counselling, psychosocial support services, economic empowerment and encouraging them to speak out.

Rape in conflict situation is a crime against humanity just like genocide and the international community is taking it very seriously unlike here in Nigeria, we cannot continue to ignore the issue. I strongly believe and advocate that rape should carry a life sentence.

Who are your role models/who do you look up to?
I have great respect and admiration for a lot of Nigerian women and women who have dared to venture into fields that are usually perceived as male-dominated. I celebrate the courage and determination of most Nigerian and African women because it is not easy to be a female achiever in Africa because of the environment we find ourselves.

I look up to a lot of women locally and internationally and they include Hillary Clinton, she is a woman that stands out for me any day. I happen to be a Vital Voices Fellow and she is the Founder of Vital Voices Global Partnership and I happen to be a beneficiary of her mentorship. Another woman is Amina Mohammed, the current deputy Secretary General of the United Nations, she is a woman that has stood the test of time, Senator Binta Garba-Marsi and several other Nigerian women, both in the political sphere, in government, in all spheres of life in general. In short, any Nigerian woman doing great exploits. I consider her a role model, because it is not easy.

Your advice for women looking up to you and anyone that wants to do what you do?
I would simply tell them to have faith in God, for with God all things are possible and also very important, believe in your dreams and work hard to achieve them.

Source: Guardian

 In our society today, when a man is cheating on his wife with another woman, the other woman is called out and labeled a whore. But the man?

Sonia Ogbonna,who is also a life coach on her Instagram page complained about the double standard regarding this issue.

According to her, women should tackle the problem which is the man and stop shaming the other woman who may or not know whether the man is married.

In her words: 

I’M SO SICK OF DOUBLE STANDARDS. Help me understand this please: so when a woman cheats on her man, y’all don’t call a side dude “home breaker” and “wife snatcher”. Instead, wife is labeled as an irresponsible whore.

When a man cheats on his woman, it’s not a man that you will blame. You justify his actions just because,(even though in most cases his married self is the one throwing bread at them babes) and it’s all “side chick’s” fault.

She is the one you will abuse, insult and call names, “husband snatcher aka home breaker”..etc… I don’t get.. The most painful thing is, it’s WOMEN who support, accept and teach their daughters to live according such double standards, not even men sef.

It’s your fellow lady that will call you names and point fingers at you. Stop shaming one another all in the name of idiotic competition based on jealousy and personal insecurities among women. YOUR MAN DOES NOT TREAT YOU RIGHT BECAUSE YOU SETTLED FOR IT AND ALLOWED IT , NOT BECAUSE OF ANOTHER WOMAN.

The reason why women are so bitter, angry, unhappy, lonely and ready to tolerate and settle for nonsense is because they seek the approval of their own worth from men since they are not familiar with it themselves. Purpose of your existence is not all about getting yourself a man.

Getting married is NOT an achievement nor a proof of a woman’s worth. There is so much more to that. Get your life right before becoming someone’s wife. Seek your worth within yourself before you expect it from HIM to acknowledge it.

These ones are another kind of mischance.
Don’t get me wrong, nothing beats a partner who is really into you. A partner interested in every detail of your welfare is fantastic but borderline is when he is becoming too interested in your every detail.
I get, your partner wants to spend every waking moment with you but if this is infringing your productivity or happiness, it sure is a sign you don’t want to ignore.
It is not bad to want to want to be in control of happenings/situations in your life and as a matter of fact, knowing you have or are in control of your relationship can be a morale booster, a push on self-esteem but when your partner becomes dominantly manipulative and controlling, it is only a matter of time before you lose yourself in that relationship.
Obsessive partners are controlling and very manipulative. They want to be the final say, scratch that, they want to be the only say in the relationship. They don’t take no for an answer. It’s either their way or their way. They pressure you till you cave in.
You know what happens with controlling behavior, it fasts degenerates into emotional abuse.
Let’s be real, most violent partners/ relationships don’t start out being outrightly violent. There are usually the tell tale signs.
These are the signs that you need to look out for.
It is okay to get jealous. I mean, who doesn’t get sweaty palms with threats? However, extreme and excessive jealousy is very dangerous.
Excessive jealousy is when your partner has a constant conversation in their head that you are cheating or will cheat and so puts extreme and dehumanizing measures in place to curb this.
Wait, isn’t love supposed to be accompanied with trust?
Trust is fundamental in a relationship. Excessively jealous partners don’t have this. They think their spouses are so vulnerable, they can cheat with anybody. They suffer so much insecurity, it is limiting their reasoning.
Another thing an obsessive partner does is help or mandates you to cut ties with your loved one. This is very dangerous. They try to pull off all plugs that may be your succor should their be a fall out. They are sometimes harsh and brash in their approach of severing ties or they may subtly orchestrate ways to let these loved ones go. They are skilled in manipulation so this is no feat at all.
How do they achieve this? They make you feel guilty. You eat and drink guilt. You never give them enough attention they say. They make it seem like the love they have for you is so overwhelming, they can’t live without you.
Messed up reasoning? Yup! Their reasoning is not only messed up, they mess with yours too.
Your self esteem begins to dwindle till you lose touch with reality.
Experts manipulators they are!
If your relationship is not in its early stages where infatuation is allowed to some extent, you may want to check out what those extreme traits you noticed in your partner is about.

As Comedian/Motivational speaker, Alibaba, shared via Instagram this morning.

“People who have only sex to offer are the ones who get jealous, suspicious and quarrelsome. You know why? Because they know that you might go out one day and find someone who has more than sex to offer. So what does that leave them? So they start to put their spouse in the defensive.

Go take a critical look at most of those relationships where the guy or babe has only one thing to offer, they will keep talking of security. They want reassurances always. Tell me you love. Promise you will not leave me. Are you sure you are not playing with me? Am I the only one in your life? Do you really love me? Are you tired of this relationship? Do you still love me? …. blah blah blah! When all you have is a hammer everything is a nail. That is what sums up these kind of people. That explains why they get so angry when you are away from them for so long. Their only stake in the relationships needs to be activated regularly to remain relevant in the scheme of things and in their spouses thoughts.

“That also explains why many who marry because the sex is good, find out later that good sex doesn’t pay bills. Neither does it cook, run the home, guarantee respect, make your spouse a person you can rub minds with and not skin. You see you may not know it, but I will tell you, you may be extremely beautiful. That is good. But like sex, if that beauty is all there is to you, in the relationship, the day that beauty is discounted by someone else who has brain and beauty body and cooking skills, with a good dose of home management, last last na modeling agency go need you. So you are a guy, and all you have in your value proposition brief case is muscles. Hiaaaaam. No common sense. Nothing else. So Iet’s look at the sex sef… after a while, its bargaining value in the relationships could diminish. When that happens what will be your new bargaining chip? Same goes for cash. I know a top society lady who married a big time Lagos big boy, when she knew he was in bad times, she vamoosed! And went to kids for another man. How could she? She could, and she did. Some people too, if the marry you because of your Dad’s political office, when the term of office is running out, they run out too.”

Actress Regina Chukwu who lost her husband to the cold hands of death in June 2003, says she doesn’t like being referred to as a single mother. Speaking in an interview with The Nation, Regina said

“I don’t like being referred to as a single parent. The fact that I lost my husband does not make me a single parent. I just want to take God, for the way they have turned out to be. I am my daughter’s best friend”.

On why she hasn’t remarried, Regina says it is because of her kids.

“Actually, it is because of them that I decided not to remarry then. Like I said earlier, I won’t call myself a single parent, because I am Igbo. The fact that you have lost your husband does not mean that you are still not married to that family. So as it is traditionally I am still married to my husband family. I am still their wife and if they want to do any family function, I am considered and called upon. I still belong to the community wives meeting. When my husband passed away, I was called and asked if I wanted to remarry. The condition was for me to leave their children and go ahead. But I looked at my kids and they were still very young and I decided to stay. My children have been asking if I won’t remarry; they want a baby sister or brother. But I don’t know what God has in plan for me. I am open to whatever God is says will happen to me. If I decide to remarry now, it means whoever I want to get married to will pay my bride price and my parents will then go back to my late husband’s family to return the bride price they paid on me. It is tradition telling them this lady is no longer your wife. But when it is not done, I still remain their wife. I still paid my mother-in-law a visit last year”she said Regina says it hasn’t being easy being a widow “It hasn’t been easy. I started my career about 13 years ago and my kids were still very young at that time. But today, my daughter is 16 and my son is 14, I am grateful to God. But not that they are grown up, it gives me more time to be able to pursue my dream to the level I want to take it to. Not that I have attained that dream, because I am yet to receive some awards that I want my name on, but so far, it has been great. It is not that I don’t worry about their welfare, but I have my mom and my siblings to fall back on their wellbeing, wherever I am not around”.

The Ghana Women of the Year Honours by Glitz Africa Magazine happened last night, celebrating some of the most outstanding Ghanaian women in various industries.

Women like popular actress Joselyn Dumas, fashion stylist Karen Kane and others were in attendance. Some Honourees recognised for their talent and contribution to their industries were Film Producer and Director, Shirley Frimpong-Manso (Honouree: Excellence in Arts), Designer and Fashion School owner, Joyce Ababio (Honouree: Fashion) and other amazing women.

See photos from the 2016 edition of the event, here and first photos from last night below.

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Actress Joselyn Dumas in She by Bena

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

OAP Berla Mundi

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Fashion Stylist Karen Kane

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Adina

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Victoria Michaels

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Honouree Fashion Force, Designer Joyce Ababio

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Host, Doreen Andoh

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Film Producer/Director Shirley Frimpong-Manso, Honouree Excellence in Arts

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honours

Film Producer/Director, Shirley Frimpong-Manso

First Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year HonoursFirst Photos from the Ghana Women of the Year Honourssource Bellanaija

After many years, I’ve finally uncovered the key to a healthy church-going experience: avoiding people. Not all people of course, but there are certain types of people you won’t see me hanging around on Sunday morning.

I know it may seem mean, un-Christian even! But trust me, it’s a necessity. A survival skill, of sorts. Avoiding awkward conversations, peer pressure, and distractions before, during, and after services has revitalized my whole church life.

This secret is something I’ve held very close to my heart, but now out of sheer kindness, I’m going to share with you my no-fail strategy on finding the safe zones at church.

Without further ado, here are the nine Christians you don’t want to sit beside on Sunday morning.

  1. The Unrequited Crush

Whether he won’t stop texting you or keeps asking you out on dates despite your polite declinations, it’s always a good idea to avoid The Unrequited Crush.

The Safe Zone: This safe zone is a lot less about where you are and more about who you’re with. Keep a safety zone of friends around and it’s much harder to get cornered. Bonus: by making sure you two are never alone, you don’t have to hear comments like, “You sure would make sure a cute couple!” Talk about an awkward moment.

  1. The Opera Singer

The Opera Singer has so much vibrato that there’s a rumor she’s the real reason the walls of Jericho came tumbling down. The great news is that God thinks this worship is beautiful. The bad news is you don’t. It can be quite the distraction during your time of worship.

The Safe Zone: You can sit as close as you’d like to the person, as long as it’s not directly in front of them. So you’re in the clear if you’re anywhere behind them, but I recommend a safe zone of three seats to their left or right.

  1. The Loud Whisperers

Loud Whisperers have this burning desire to comment on everything. Sadly, they were never probably taught to whisper. Unfortunately, Loud Whisperers tend to travel in packs so the occasional comment turns into a family discussion that’s almost as loud as the preacher himself.

The Safe Zone: Safe Zones may varies depending on a person’s volume but the only way to stay focused on the sermon is to stay out of earshot.

4. The Walking Bottle of Body Spray

Too much scented body spray. Maybe these people don’t have sensitive noses, or they don’t believe that there can be too much of a good thing. While it’s okay to approach these people for a quick hug, sitting near these toxic fumes can lead to a headache lasting all the way to Monday.

The Safe Zone: Your buffer radius should be one chair for every spritz of body spray. Five spritz? Sit five chairs away. Taking a step outside to breathe fresh air will help too.

5. The Volun-teller

Has someone ever volunteered you to do something without you actually volunteering? That’s what we in the church biz like to call being “volun-told”. Most churches have at least one person who’s always recruiting you to join their ministry without considering your schedule, gifts, or ability to serve.

The Safe Zone: No one is safe. I repeat: no one is safe! Volun-tellers can find you anywhere you are. They’re in the bathroom, the family room, even waiting next to your car. Always know where the nearest exit is and be prepared to duck into the supply closet.

By: Lindsey VanSparrentak

For: http://www.crosswalk.com/slideshows/9-christians-you-don-t-want-to-sit-beside-on-sunday-morning.html

 

 

 

 

When life gets messy, it’s natural for us to get stressed. Or angry. Or bitter. Especially when life takes a turn we didn’t expect – a broken engagement, the loss of a spouse, the diagnosis of cancer, the death of a dream.

Here are seven reasons to trust God with your tears and not stress when you’re in the middle of the mess:

  1. God is more compassionate than you realize.

Psalm 56:8 tells us that God not only sees our tears, he collects them. That means my hurt and yours is more precious to him than we can imagine. That kind of response from him means he’s trustworthy to work our situation out for our best.

  1. Your situation didn’t take God by surprise.

Just because it caught you off guard, doesn’t mean that God was clueless, too. Psalm 139 tells us that God is familiar with all our ways – where we’ve been, what we’re doing now, and where we’re going. Before there is a word on our tongues, he knows it completely. So, trust what he already knows. True faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 12:1). So exercise true faith by being assured and convinced that God is in absolute control.

  1. God is much more capable of managing your life than you are.

We often believe we have the best solutions to our problems. In fact, there are times I’ve found myself suggesting to God what he ought to do in my particular situation. But Isaiah 55:8-9 assures us that his ways are higher than our ways, meaning his method and his timing in how he chooses to do things are so much better than ours. He is God and I am not. And that just might be what he’s trying to show you and me in the struggle we’re struggling to fix. So, plain and simple, give it to him. He can handle it.

  1. God can, at any time, clear up the mess. So wait for his timing and learn all he wants you to learn in the moment.

Romans 8:28 assures us that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.” But the next verse tells us how God works things for good in our lives: “For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to become conformed to the image of his Son….” There it is. God wants us to become more like his Son through our struggles. So be teachable. Be open to what he wants you to learn. And be moldable. You – and your heart – might be the one reason God has not yet fixed the situation.

5. God already has the problem solved.

Often we are looking for a certain resolution, before we will consider our problem fixed. But God looks to the details of our intentions and our very hearts. It’s possible the problem still exists because he’s working on something inside you right now, and then he’ll take care of the exterior situation.

6. A messy situation is one of the primary ways God awakens our need for him, grows our dependence on him, shapes our character, and draws us closer to himself.

Life consists of messes. They are not always because you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes they just happen. And often he allows it because he wants to draw us into a deeper dependence on him and show us a new side of himself. Those are the things that make our messes meaningful – they draw us closer to our Savior. I love how James 1:2-3 tells us to “consider it all joy” when we encounter various trials, knowing the testing of our faith produces endurance. “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (verse 4).

God can be trusted. And he wants you to know that. Lean into him during this time and you will know what it means to “find meaning in the mess.”

 

By : Cindi McMenamin

Nollywood actress , Omoni Oboli finally  opened up on how her father’s death affected her.

The renowned scriptwriter who lost her father last week in a car crash revealed that that she has tried in vain to make sense of the incident and has decided to leave it all in God’s hands insisting she will come back from it all stronger. She wrote:

It’s been a week since my dad’s very tragic and untimely passing. I have tried to make sense of it but I can’t so I have left everything in God’s hands. Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning! Hallelujah ???????????????????????? His strength is made perfect in my weakness! I’m coming out stronger! I’m victorious! Nothing can bring me down! The king’s kid! CHILD OF GRACE! ???????????? #StrongWoman #ChildOfGrace#JesusLastBorn #RIPMyBiggestFan

 

She definitely has been around for a long time and has no plans of leaving anytime soon!

Veteran actress and talk show host Monalisa Chinda Coker talks candidly about her life, marriage and talk show on the cover of this week’s Vanguard Allure.

She sits down with Vanguard Allure’s Pamela Echemunor to a no holds barred conversation about how she has been able to remain on the top of her game.

The Magazine drops tomorrow, be sure to grab a copy!

Credit:
Creative Director: Nelly Mesik
Photography: Emmanuel Oyeleke
Styling: Moses Ebite for Moashy Styling
Hair: Zubby Definition
Makeup: Debrene Beauty
Location: House of Splendor Boutique hotel, Ikeja