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“I Was Suicidal After My Marriage Broke Up”- Kemi Oyesola

Kemi Oyesola is the  Founder/CEO of How2Think Global Consulting Empire , a platform she founded in 2006 in sad circumstances after she separated from her husband of sixteen and half years. A situation that made her depressed and suicidal, but the mother to 2 adult children and  grandmother found hope in her hopeless situation and she uses her story to teach people how to think outside the box and control  their thoughts when faced with life threatening situation such as hers.  Coach Kemi  as she is fondly called is a certified Gold coach and also an NLP Practitioner. In her words: “I had to think my way into the  kind of life I desired. I had to accept first that I was responsible for where I found myself. Kemi shares her story exclusively with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

 Childhood

I think every one’s childhood prepares them for what they do later in life even if at that time they do not know it. We all at one time or another look back at our childhood and realise that we were like that so that we can do what we do now. My childhood was very happy. What I remember very clearly is that I was a talkative and got reported to my parents by my teachers throughout my primary school years. I also remember that I always wanted to take care of people, whether it was in my home or outside my home. I did not really understand why but I enjoyed caring for people. I was always helping or serving. I did wonder why I loved doing so much work – because, yes it was work. With hindsight which is 20/20, I realise now that I was born to take care of others which is what I am doing now. I talk for a living, whether as a speaker or when I coach or consult.

 

Inspiration behind How2Think

The inspiration was the breakup of my marriage. I wondered, especially as I worked at it how come my marriage broke up. I knew that I have only this time to live on earth as is; there is no Part B of this life lived just this way. I had to do the best of it as I have it now. I had to be separated from my now ex-husband to live the life I felt I was called to; to do the things that kept burning in my heart to do. I could not run away from it and although it hurt to break up my marriage, I am glad I did. I would not change it for anything. And so, it was at the point of break up I asked God why when the answer I heard was, “It’s because of the way you think. ’And that was how I started the search for what exactly it is to ‘THINK.’ I realised with my findings that I would have to teach others the ‘how’ of thinking because it was this that determined how we live and the results that we get. It is a deep thing, thinking and so many of us do not pay it attention. We need to think about what we think about. And that is how I was inspired to start How2Think Global Consulting Empire.

 Being Suicidal

I was suicidal after my marriage broke up and almost lost it… It was unexpected. It was unwanted. There was much pain and there was a long journey to the demise of my marriage and the consequences of such. I realised after the break up that it was my thinking that had got me where I was. Being a Christian and married to my Pastor, I knew that we had been serving faithfully and so asked God why my marriage broke. He answered, “Because of the way you think.” So, I picked up the Bible to find the word, ‘think.’ After all, I had never heard that word in church. But you know, that isn’t true. What I had not done was notice the word. After studying the Bible for a couple of days, I found the sentence, ‘… for as he thinks in his heart, so is he’ – and have been studying this ever since; and teaching it too. Many are not aware of how they think. It is the crux of everything, absolutely everything in life. Before you do anything, you think. The resultant effect of your thoughts is your character. Like any seed, thought is a seed and will grow. Therefore, you determine the harvest. But the learning was not in the study as it was in the living. After my ex-husband left, I went into depression and was exceedingly stressed but what was different was that I didn’t know.

I lost my hair and for over 10 years it did not grow until my son was almost 20 years old. I became exceedingly poor, so poor there were times I did not have heating in my house; I could not give my children pocket money to go to school; I was so poor I had to be evicted from my house. I was suicidal and wanted to jump from a very high place in order to kill myself. I brandished a knife on my ex husband – I wanted to kill him. I knew then that I was going kuku in the head and it wasn’t good. There are other things that happened to me that brought me to a low place.. That is another story. The highlight of this is that I had to come out of the depression and quit being stressed but I didn’t know how. I sought help from others, but they only told me what I already knew. I was sinking and sought to stay my head above water but I couldn’t find where or how.

A few times, I thought I needed medical help but I knew they would only tell me what everyone else had been telling me. I needed something to help me get out of the morass I was in. It wasn’t until after I knew I was the only one who could help me that it began to sink. I had the problem I was on a mission to teach. I had to overcome this problem otherwise I would be a hypocrite. I had to think my way into the kind of life I desired. I had to accept first that I was responsible for where I found myself. I had to accept that God had done all He was going to do and the buck rested with me. Nothing has been harder than that acceptance. And nothing has been freer than that acceptance. It took me a few years but I did it – and continue to do it. It is a life’s work. I know that I am on a mission, it is not just a vision – to help individuals learn how to think. I believe that your mind is set with your thoughts thus, I focus on Thought Set and not mind set. In fact, I do not teach mindset. I had no choice but to bounce back. At the age these things happened to me, I was in my early 40’s, I had read about so many tragic situations where the individuals ended up dead or their lives meant nothing because they had lost their mind. I just could not end up like that. It was tempting but it was also scary. It also felt like I would be a total failure if I did not overcome the heartache and the sense of failure that my marriage didn’t work. I knew there was a better way and it lay in how I was THINKING. I knew that no one person and no divine entity could make this happen for me. I did call on God for help, but the buck stopped with me. I remember at the point that I wanted to jump, hearing the voice of God telling me how strong the person was – who was the reason I wanted to jump to kill myself. That annoyed me. And it was enough for me to hear it, think about it and change my mind. But after that moment, I knew it had to be a daily decision to live and not give up. You see, giving up is the first step to becoming suicidal. Once one gives up, there is no reason to carry on in life; for what do you want to carry on doing? I decided to win in life; I could not be among those who lost. What reason would I give? It just didn’t make sense.

Instilling Values in my Kids

One value I have instilled in my kids and how I balance work and home life That one value I have instilled in my children is that they must win; they can do anything and they are not allowed to be stupid or poor. Winning is non-negotiable.

Balancing Home and Work

I balance home and work life by working from home and working for myself thus I have better control. Also, my children are adults now so it makes things so much easier although when they were younger, I was a housewife and worked from home when I started my business. If I had to go out as part of my business, I took my children with me. Even now, if my grandchildren must be with me and I need to speak at an event, I take them with me. It is important to me that they see what I do and learn too.

 

What and who inspires me

What inspires me is the work ahead that I still need to do. The fact that I can, except I decide not to. The fact that the work ahead is given to me because I can do it not because I cannot do it and so must work hard at it. Who inspires me are many – individuals who have faced hardship and overcome. Individuals like Les Brown, Nick Vujicic, Eric Thomas and others like them. They have made it through tough times and did not give up. They could give reasons today for their failures or inadequacies but they forged ahead. Now, for me, that is inspiring.

 

Greatest reward

The greatest reward is when I see the change in those I have helped. That change, the transformation is what I aim for. I must see it otherwise I have not done my job and there is no reward.

 

 

Challenges

Not being able to reach those I would like to work with because they do not see the necessity for knowing how to think. But more than that, when I can speak to clients, I have the awesome job of helping them understand the priority of knowing how to think. This is a huge challenge, but we get there in the end.

 

My perception of women in my industry

Women are amazing within the coaching industry and need to know this. The ability of a woman to want to help others and to start a business despite all the moving parts, is simply wonderful.

 

On giving up

Oh yes, of course I have had times when I want to give up. And I did give up on my business a few times but would come back. I have stopped that now because I find that success does not come to those who give up. Success comes to those who persevere and keep doing what they must do.

 

I am a Woman of Rubies

First, I love the ruby. I love red, it suits me and makes me glow. Red is a personification of who I am and what I stand for and one of my brand colours. A Woman of Rubies is a strong woman, I am strong; an able woman, I am able; a woman who believes she is unstoppable, am unstoppable; an indomitable woman, I am indomitable and a Woman of Rubies is a winner, I am a winner, period.

 

Final word for women who are thinking of going into the coaching and motivational speaking industry

Yes, one word of caution. Mind your own business with all you have got. No comparisons. Your business is yours and it is your responsibility to make it the very best that you can make it. Excellence is a non-negotiable. But before you get into business, be it coaching or any other kind of business, count the cost and hire yourself a mentor or coach. You will need their guidance on your journey. Do not go the journey on your own. It is harder and longer that way.

 

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JENNY DURKAN IS OFFICIALLY SEATTLE’S 56TH MAYOR AND THE FIRST WOMAN TO HOLD THE OFFICE IN ALMOST HUNDRED YEARS

On Tuesday, October 28 2017, Jenny Durkan officially became Seattle’s 56th mayor and the first woman to hold the office in almost a hundred years.

The Emerald City welcomed Durkan, who is also its first openly lesbian mayor, with inauguration ceremonies held in five locations spread across Seattle. Durkan made her first stop at Seattle’s Ethiopian Community Center where she was officially sworn in to office by Judge Richard Jones.

Bertha Knight Landes, the last female to hold the mayoral seat in Seattle more than 90 years ago, served on Seattle’s City Council and was then elected as mayor in 1926.

 

Source: LIB

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THE FIRST WOMEN-ONLY COWORKING SPACE IN NIGERIA HAS BEEN LAUNCHED!

In recent years, many people have shifted from traditional careers to remote work and coworking spaces began springing up in cities around the world. However, many of these spaces have predominantly catered to men, home to ping pong tables and a bro culture, where women have felt socially isolated, been subjected to sexual harassment or otherwise experienced the impact of workplace sexism.

In response to this, Girly.ng, a female, millennial lifestyle brand, has launched a women-only coworking space with a mission to enable women of different backgrounds and professions to come together for mutual support, relationship-building, and wellness.

(Photo: Girly.ng)

Girly.ng comprises of an e-commerce marketplace for social media thrift sellers, an online community connecting women and now the first all-girl co-working space in Nigeria.

Girly.ng is trying to position itself as the affordable coworking space where entrepreneurial women can create and collaborate in a professional environment suited to meeting the unique needs of female entrepreneurs – by connecting them to other business experts, access to educational workshops, mentorship and visibility within the business community.

The space, located in Yaba, Lagos, is yet to go live with their rates, but signing up early with the community will get entrepreneurs on the waiting list to enjoy a 20% discount on offered services. The workspace will be fully open to the general (female) public in January.

When women create and design spaces for themselves, they are able to address the barriers and challenges that have hindered their progress in traditional office environments.

 

 

Culled from konbini.com

Featured image credit: shutterstock

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RWANDA OFFERS REFUGE TO ENSLAVED AFRICAN MIGRANTS IN LIBYA

With the way everything in the world has been going – especially politics and race relations, we may as well be back 1917, or 1817. To validate that point, a recent CNN report aired footage that showed African migrants being sold off as farmworkers at auctions in Libya, in 2017. Humans are actually being traded for as little as $400 (N144,000).

(Photo: CNN)

Libya is the last stopping point in Africa before migrants begin the dangerous journey through the Mediterranean to Europe, and hundreds of thousands of Africans have attempted to travel to Europe in recent years, resulting in thousands of drowning deaths and a countless number of them being sold into slavery. The International Organization for Migration estimates there are currently between 700,000 and a million migrants stuck in Libya.

Incredibly, Rwanda has offered refuge to around 30,000 of the migrants who are being exploited and living in slavelike conditions in Libya. The Rwandan foreign ministry released a statement last week:

“Rwanda, like the rest of the world, was horrified by the images of the tragedy currently unfolding in Libya, where African men, women and children who were on the road to exile, have been held and turned into slaves. Given Rwanda’s political philosophy and our own history, we cannot remain silent when human beings are being mistreated and auctioned off like cattle.

The Government and people of Rwanda stand in solidarity with our African brothers and sisters still held in captivity. Rwanda may not be able to welcome everyone but our door is wide open. We are ready to work closely with the African Union, the private sector, as well as other friends and partners to ensure that we can provide minimum comfort to those in need.”

(Photo: NYTimes)

In 1994, Rwanda went through a civil war that left 800,000 Rwandans dead and many more maimed, putting Rwanda at the center of one of the largest refugee crises of the 20th century, and 2 million Rwandans fled the nation to neighbouring countries during that time. So it is incredible that a more stable Rwanda is now standing up for these migrants.

Libyan officials have condemned the practice of slave trading but said that they required more support from the international community. Libya has opened an investigation into the slave markets, and the probe is being overseen by the government’s Anti-Illegal Immigration Agency.
The United Nations held an emergency session Wednesday, calling the practice a “crime against humanity,” and last week hundreds of protesters demonstrated near the Libyan Embassy in Paris.

(Photo: France24)

 

 

Culled from konbini.com

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ELSIE GODWIN : LET’S TALK ABOUT “RAPE”

Rape is very sensitive. I have had my almost rape experience by someone who I considered family.  A story I have on my blog. So this is not about not understanding what it feels like. Don’t try to be unfortunate while dropping your opinion in the comment section (or just sub me on your timeline, I promise I won’t see it)

We cannot keep talking about rape without talking about “False accusations” and “boundaries” 

A false accusation of rape is the intentional reporting of a rape where no rape has occurred. Sometimes when we start this conversations, we are termed insensitive and victim shaming. 

However, if we must talk rape then these other parts cannot be ignored. The idea of falsely accusing a man of rape is not something unheard of. 

Most of us saw the story of a man who spent the better part of his life in jail for a crime he didn’t commit – rape. 

Over the weekend, I read stories from different guys on Twitter. Stories that will leave you wondering if some ladies are mentally ill.

I am also glad that men are learning to speak up, sharing their stories instead of always waiting for the woman’s version then playing the victim. If you don’t share your stories, we cannot help you or understand you. 

Insulting or cursing girls out will not help anybody understand. Narrate and share. 

Dear Men, please Note that, at any point during intercourse or foreplay, once she says “NO”…”STOP”… whether she has received head, kissed you, held your penis, ate pizza, used free wifi, etc. If you continue, it is rape. 

Dear ladies, it is highly important for us to note that regret is not rape. We had sex but he didn’t date me, is not rape. He gave me ordinary 2000 for tfare’ is not rape.

“The cheque he gave me bounced when I got to the bank” is not rape. “He left me to date a girl lesser than I am” is not rape. “He stoped calling me after we had sex” is not rape

And this brings me to rape by deception. Sorry fam, the term exists, however, when reporting such case, please let us know it is rape by deception so we can learn from the deceit too 🤦🏼‍♀️👀

Like you thought he was a man but she is a woman. 😂 the English tire me sha. He told you he is the governor’s son but he is a carpenter… Gists like that 

Accusing a man of rape can ruin his life, destroy his career, drive him to depression and then suicide. It’s a horrible stigma we shouldn’t put on someone who isn’t a rapist. 

Please be sure it actually is rape before you pick your phone to type shit or report the case. And oh, btw, please let your NO be NO. 

The world is troubled enough and we don’t need mixed signals when it comes to sex. If you don’t want sex, please say it and mean it. Don’t say you don’t want sex but go looking for cuddle and spooning. 

“I have a boyfriend but I just want us to make out” what the hell is that? Is your boyfriend suffering from stroke? 

Guys should be able to have the maximum level of self control but please respect yourselves. Stay in your houses! Don’t make things complicated for people. 

Now we are at a point where the man has to keep asking at intervals, “should I stop? Does it feel like rape?” Common fam! 

Dear Men, please stay away from tipsy/drunk ladies. Stay away from children too (no be by age o). I don’t think it’s too difficult to know a lady is vibing with you sexually. Or do you guys need sex consent form now? 6

All I’m trying to say is, we are adults, humans and not animals. Let’s learn to take care of ourselves from beasts in human form. Take necessary precaution and respect your home training.

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CHIDINMA CHUKWUMA: DEPRESSION

Depression

 

Depression is that persistent annoying voice in your head that tells you all that you are not 

It fills up all your thoughts and consumes you

It is the lies of the enemy 

Blinding you to all that you are and your potential 

It is the half truths that voice whispers to you 

Pointing towards all your failures

Distorting and concealing the true picture  

It is suffering in silence 

Your world surrounded in darkness 

 

Depression is sleeping in all day and staying awake all night 

With the demons in your head fighting for your attention 

It is alienating all your fiends sometimes 

And believing that no one cares about you 

It is holding on to resentment and heartbreak like a shield 

This supposedly protects you from further hurt 

But also stops you from healing and experiencing true love 

 

Depression takes different shapes and forms 

It could be laughing, dancing and having the best time with your friends but dying inside 

It could be achieving success and by society’s standard you should be happy 

But the emptiness inside is unexplainable 

Depression is a world filled with empty people barely making it through the day 

It is thinking there isn’t any point to life 

And failing to see the beauty in it 

 

But depression is not a weakness 

It is not something to be ashamed of 

Rather it is a disease of the mind 

A symptom of a much deeper rooted void in your life 

Depression is something only the one who created you can completely heal 

 

Author: Chidinma Chukwuma

Chidinma is a final year law student at the University of Sheffield. Check out more of her work at chidinmachukwuma.wordpress.com

 

Photo credit: Gettyimages

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INDIA TIGHTENS UP SECURITY AS US PRESIDENT’S DAUGHTER, IVANKA TRUMP, ARRIVES HYDERABAD FOR GLOBAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP SUMMIT

Indian authorities have cleared beggars off the streets and brought in 10,000 extra security forces for Ivanka Trump’s biggest foreign mission since her father became president.

President Donald Trump’s eldest daughter is to be the key speaker Tuesday at the opening of a three-day Global Entrepreneurship Summit in Hyderabad alongside India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

President Donald Trump’s eldest daughter is to be the key speaker Tuesday at the opening of a three-day Global Entrepreneurship Summit in Hyderabad alongside India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

The southern city is home to the India operations of Google, Facebook and Amazon.

The 36-year-old, who is an official White House advisor, will seek to press women’s empowerment in business.

She will also underline the growing friendship between the United States and India — so the host country is taking no chances.

Trump will be greeted in Hyderabad by Modi who will host a gala dinner at the Falaknuma Palace, a luxury hotel once owned by one of the nizams who ruled the city before India’s independence.

Authorities have spruced up an open-air market around Charminar, a 16th century mosque that is one of the city’s icons. Media reports have suggested that Trump could visit the market.

Police have cleared hundreds of beggars off the streets, saying they cause nuisance and obstruct traffic.

More than 10,000 security personnel including anti-terrorist forces and dog squads will be deployed, and Trump will travel around Hyderabad in her own special bullet proof vehicle with US Secret Service taking care of close security.

The visit has been clouded by US media reports questioning Trump’s clothing line and its supply chain as well as a snub by Rex Tillerson, the US secretary of state, who has reportedly refused to send senior staff with Trump to India.

“They won’t send someone senior because they don’t want to bolster Ivanka,” CNN quoted a senior State Department official as saying.

But US business leaders will be in the Trump delegation joining more than 1,200 entrepreneurs from 150 countries at the meeting.

“Entrepreneurship… is a key priority for this administration. The US recognises innovation and entrepreneurship as essential tools for job creation, economic growth, and stability…” Trump said ahead of the visit.

“Globally, between 2014 and 2016, entrepreneurship activity among women increased by 10 percent. One study estimates that closing the gender entrepreneurship gap worldwide could grow our global GDP by as much as two percent.”

Trump’s Women Entrepreneurs Finance Initiative, or We-Fi, aims to boost access to business capital for women in the developing world.

According to Trump, women-owned businesses in the developing world suffer an annual credit deficit of $300 billion, either by being unable to borrow or receiving only high-cost, short-term credit.

The We-Fi was first proposed at the G20 summit in Hamburg this year and is supported by Germany, Russia, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates and other countries.

source: pulse.ng

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STEPHANIE LINUS TO SPEAK ALONGSIDE IVANKA TRUMP AT THE 8TH GLOBAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP SUMMIT

Star actress and filmmaker Stephanie Linus will be attending the 8th Global Entrepreneurship Summit (GES) in India where she is expected to speak alongside Ms Ivanka Trump, Advisor to the US President; Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi and other prominent dignitaries.

The Summit which will take place from November 28 to 30 in the city of Hyderabad is jointly organized by the United States and the Republic of India.This year’s Summit will highlight the theme Women First, Prosperity for All and will focus on supporting women entrepreneurs, solving 21st century challenges, and fostering economic growth globally.

Mrs Linus was selected as a #GES Speaker for her globally recognized works as an actress and filmmaker, and also for her humanitarian work.

 

credit: stargist.com

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IG USER CELEBRATES ANOTHER BIRTHDAY AFTER DOCTOR TOLD HER SHE HAS JUST TWO MONTHS MORE TO LIVE

Yvonne Ebadan Ogbefua, a Nigerian woman  Instagram user has shared how she was amazingly healed by God, of Sacorma, an aggressive form of cancer which attacks the soft tissue.

According to the beautiful mother of two, who also celebrated her another year yesterday, the doctor had given her just two months to live, but after the words of  Bishop David Oyedepo came to her heart; ‘WHAT EVER MY GOD CANNOT DO,LET IT BE UNDONE’, she got her healing after she tripled her faith.

She wrote on Instagram:

“Happy birthday to me. Its my testimony. Roughly four years ago, I was diagnosed with a form of cancer that attacks the soft tissue. Its called sacorma. It started as a very small lump just by my right side in my stomach region.2

“Then the bomb came.YVONNE YOU ONLY HAVE TWO MONTHS TO LIVE. I rejected it instantly! That was not what my father said to me in Isaiah 65:20.I didn’t have to tell nobody the news.The only people who heard,were the ones in the room with me.i didn’t have to cry over it, cause it wasn’t even my portion.”

See full post below

 

culled from fabwoman.ng

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