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Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned

“If you continue curving every guy you will end up in Shiloh praying for a husband at 30.”

“Your mates are already university graduates, but here you are.”

“Who told him to run for that office? Look at him now he couldn’t even win after all the noise.”

These are a few of the criticisms I have heard people hurl around. They have been used to remind people that they failed to achieve certain goals at the age the society set for them.

In the Nigerian society, people believe that at a certain age, some things have to have been accomplished. One should be done with school by 22, married with a career at 25, and at 30 an individual is expected to have at least a solid home and children. What no one talks about is what happens when your life doesn’t go as planned?

What happens when you fail at achieving a major goal, and what happens when you never had a backup plan?

A lot of us graduate from secondary school with the expectation of getting into the university immediately, even if we are not sure this will be the case. No one prepares the Nigerian child for failure, even if we all know they will occur.

Parents tell their kids to work harder, pastors tell their congregation to pray more, and teachers tell their students to read more, but no one ever tells us what to do if we fail. No one ever tells us about the emotional and even physical effects of disappointment. We are pushed so hard, but no one holds our hands when things don’t go as planned.

You are expected to succeed and failure is never an option. If a child fails a class, parents believe he/she has been influenced negatively. If a woman isn’t married by 25 people throw snide comments her way. If a young man doesn’t have a job and a house at 30 he is viewed as a lesser man. I have seen people who would rather put themselves through hell than fail. They would rather study courses they have no passion for than appear as a failure to their loved ones.

I think that we fail more when we try to avoid failure, and I don’t blame anyone who is going through this because our Nigerian society at large has attached shame with failure. I really don’t mean to encourage failure, all I am saying is that we need to do more to help ourselves and others around us know that failure is a necessary part of life, and there are ways to make a more positive comeback after it happens.

We need to be able to hug our friends and let them know that they are not a failure just because they couldn’t pass one class. We need to let our children know that it is okay to try again;  if possible, try something new, if their plans don’t go as expected. Religious leaders need to remind their congregation that failure and setbacks aren’t spiritual attacks, and teachers need to encourage students, let them know that setbacks are to be expected in life.

About Eyi Agbashi

Ehi Agbashi is a quiet and upbeat young lady who graduated with a double major in psychology and biology. She’s passionate about social justice issues, mental health (going to graduate school for clinical counselling) and ethnocultural empathy. She loves sci-fi movies, reading African fiction and exploring new cities. IG:@kyautaa Twitter: @kyaauta.

Source: Bellanaija

For Variety’s 2019 #PowerOfWomen: New York issue, Variety profiled Taraji P. Henson who shared how she’s working to eradicate mental health stigmas in black communities.

She says, “We’re walking around broken, wounded and hurt, and we don’t think it’s OK to talk about it. We don’t talk about it at home. It’s shunned. It’s something that makes you look weak. We’re told to pray it away. We’re told to pray it away. Everyone was always asking me, ‘Do you have a charity?’ Well, dammit, this is going to be my calling, because I’m sick of this. People are killing themselves. People are numbing out on drugs. Not everything is fixed with a pill.”

Taraji opened up about her own depression and anxiety, and how she handles it.

In order to get a grip on her depression, Taraji P. Henson stepped back from social media and started regularly seeing a therapist: “I suffer from depression. My anxiety is kicking up, even more, every day, and I’ve never really dealt with anxiety like that. It’s something new.”

Doctors stole her cells. Henrietta Lacks was an accidental pioneer of modern-day medicine; her cells are saving lives today even though she died in 1951.

Lacks was a 31-year-old mother of five when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Just months before her death, doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore sliced pieces of tissue from her cancerous tumor without her consent — in effect, stealing them. It was another instance of decades of medical apartheid and clinical practices that discriminated against blacks. Lacks was not a slave, but parts of her cancerous tumor represent the first human cells ever bought and sold.

Her cells, known among scientists as HeLa, were unusual in that they could rapidly reproduce and stay alive long enough to undergo multiple tests. Lacks’ cells — now worth billions of dollars — live in laboratories across the world. They played an important part in developing the polio vaccine, cloning, gene mapping and in vitro fertilization. The HeLa cell line has been used to develop drugs for treating herpes, leukemia, influenza and Parkinson’s disease. They’ve been influential in the study of cancer, lactose digestion, sexually transmitted diseases and appendicitis.

Lacks’ story is an example of the often-problematic intersection of ethics, race, and medicine, a link to the dark history of exploitation of, and experimentation on, African-Americans that ranges from the Tuskegee syphilis study to a 19th-century doctor experimenting with gynecological treatments on slave women without anesthetics.

Part 1 of 3

If there’s any area that receives more unsolicited advice than dating, its parenting.

Everyone seems to have an idea how you can do it better – Don’t pick him up, don’t cuddle them too much, you don’t cuddle them enough, hug them every day, don’t hug them every day, spank them, don’t spank them — which is it?

At some point, you have probably also dealt with the seeming hap-hazard behavior of children themselves; all of a sudden, they decide its either they get this toy, or they die – *cue tantrum*. Not to mention all the people around you giving you the eye, silently judging you (huh, story of my life).

Add all of this to the fact that you are busy!

You work, you run businesses, you volunteer, and you speak at your kids’ school. You have a lot going on and life is crazy enough already but everyone seems to always have ideas and opinions about how you should be doing it, how you should be parenting.

The problem here is that a lot of this ‘advice’ is mostly methods and very little principles. Methods don’t work on each kid in the same way or even at all – so how does all of this leave you?

F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D, Tired and confused.

Here, here now, the first thing I’d say in response to this is “Hold your center”. Hold your what?

Well, your center, your middle, your core.

Here’s how to hold it

You can’t control every move of your child and to attempt to do this will be suicide. So why do you keep trying? What can you do instead? Focus on the center.

A friend of mine told me of the only day he his Father hit him – he had lied about something silly – stealing a fork or something like that. His Father found out and gave him the beating of his life. Now, if you are where I’m from, you know exactly what this means.

That was the only time in his 40 years on earth that he recalls his father had EVER hit him. It’s clear that the center for his dad was NOT raising a liar.

He would let many things go but lying was NOT acceptable and he made it clear.

P.S: I’m not advocating that you hit your child, this was just this fathers’ approach to holding the center. Use yours.

You can’t shout every time they do something wrong, you can’t make an issue EVERYTIME they lose a toy, refuse to tidy their room or shove their sibling. You will exhaust both yourself and your child and eventually, they will tune you out.

Here’s what you can do – Decide what is really really important to you as a parent – what kind of child you want to raise, what values you want at their core, and focus here.

This is your center.

You want your kid to be able to come to you when they need to; and this will be unlikely if you keep yelling at them at every slip-up. Focusing on the center will make it abundantly clear to your kids what is acceptable and what is not, it gives them a few big things to focus on instead of trying to be perfect at all the other little things like sharing their toys or cleaning their rooms.  I’m not saying these things aren’t important, but will it really really matter in 5 years that your child isn’t potty trained now?

I mean, really! Think about it.

Look out for #part2 in this 3-part series. Big brother is always watching but he’s not who you think he is…

About Olachi

Hey, my name is Olachi and I like to refer to myself as a ‘thinking enthusiast.’

I love a few things, number one of them being learning and number two would be spreading.

I believe in the power of right thinking to transform lives and as a result; I enjoy spreading knowledge, inspiring thinking and encouraging movement.

I however am not a very serious person so please don’t expect to find me in a suit… In a crowd with beating music though, find me somewhere in the middle – moving to the beat and filling my soul with joy.

Olachi Olatunji

Chief Curator,

THEKNOWLEDGEOFHOW Blog.

#TKOH

 

 

A 77-year-old female retiree was among the 1,008 students of the Faculty of Education, University of Lagos, that bagged a degree at the institution’s 2017/2018 Convocation Ceremonies which held today April 2nd.

The retiree, who refused to mention her name to journalists, said that the achievement was her dream come true. According to her, she did not want to sit at home after her retirement, hence her choice to pursue a first degree.

“I studied guidance and counselling and I am most grateful to God Almighty who made me to see this day. I will not like my name to be mentioned because I know where I am coming from and what I am protecting. I am a retired officer. I have worked in a lot of countries around the world and also in Nigeria, where I finally retired,’’ she told journalists.

The retiree who was visibly elated, said

“You know when you retire like that, you will not want to stay at home and be dying slowly. Education has no limit. It is from cradle to death in order for one to add value to the society”.

 

Credit: LIB

Here’s the plot for the book titled “Sulwe”.

Sulwe has skin the color of midnight. She is darker than everyone in her family. She is darker than anyone in her school. Sulwe just wants to be beautiful and bright, like her mother and sister. Then a magical journey in the night sky opens her eyes and changes everything.

In this book, actress Lupita Nyong’o creates a whimsical and heartwarming story to inspire children to see their own unique beauty.

She shared a post about the book on Twitter:

Look around you and you’ll see three kinds of people – those who hate their work, and complain bitterly, those who just tolerate their work and see it as a paycheck and aren’t looking for more (or feel they can’t have more), and finally, those who love their work, and relish it.  The third category is a small subset of all professionals globally, but this group stands out because these are, most often, the people who change the world for the better.

It’s critical to note that people who’ve made a real difference aren’t all privileged, advantaged or “special” by any stretch.  Many come from disadvantaged families, crushing circumstances and initially limited capabilities, but have found ways to pick themselves up and rise above their circumstances (and their genes) to transform their own lives and those around them.

The 9 core behaviors of people who positively impact the world are:

  1. They dedicate themselves to what gives their life meaning and purpose.

Thousands of people today don’t believe in meaning and purpose as something to discover or pursue in life.  And others believe in a life purpose but won’t take the risk to identify or honor it.  Those with positive influence feel otherwise.  They have found that there is a purpose to their life, and that purpose usually involves some aspect of turning their “mess into a message,” or using what they’ve learned (often the hard way) as a means of being of service to others.  People with a sense of purpose are driven, focused, committed, and lit up from the inside – unable to be deterred or distracted from what they believe is the reason they’re on this planet at this time. This sense of meaning and purpose gives them inexhaustible drive and offers guideposts to follow along the path.  It informs them of what they wish to attend to in life, and what they need to walk away from because it doesn’t support their higher purpose.

2. They invest time and energy not in what is, but what can be.

The people I’ve interacted with and interviewed who’ve made a positive impact in the world don’t settle for conformity.  When they see something that agitates and disturbs them, they strive to know more, get to the root of the issue, research and understand the contributing factors, and arrive at new solutions.  They observe gaps and mistakes in common thinking and behavior, and trust themselves in their belief that it’s time to push the boundaries of what’s accepted.   They want to affect change because they believe change will bring a better way to live.

3. They embrace critique.

The most powerful positive influencers don’t need or want to be “right” – they want to grow and be more effective.  For that to occur, they walk right into critique, and they embrace challenge.  They’re not afraid to put their work out there for others to poke holes in.   They are strong and confident in the face of opposition, yet know how to integrate constructive feedback to strengthen their work and ideas. They engage in open dialogue and welcome scrutiny.

4. They spread what they know.

We’ve all met authors or “experts” who keep their knowledge secret, close to the vest. They’re afraid to let it out for fear someone will steal it or make money on their ideas.  This is the opposite of the positive influencer’s mindset.  Those who make a true positive difference can’t help but share and teach what they’ve learned. They don’t see their knowledge as just some commodity to sell, as a meal ticket or a money maker – they see it as information that has to be shared with the world for its betterment. They believe their ideas and innovations are of use and value to others, and can’t help but share those openly, and teach others what they’ve learned.  They live the universal principle  – “the more you give, the more you get.”

5. They uplift others as they ascend.

You’ve experienced, as I have, scores of “leaders” and high-achievers who’ve gotten where they are by stepping on the heads and backs of those in the way.  These are not true leaders or influencers because their power is a sham – it was obtained unethically and is shallow and weak, and can’t be sustained over the long haul.   I have encountered power-mongers who were crushing and cruel to their subordinates and I wondered when they would finally reap what they’ve sown.  Over the long term, this day always comes.

On the other hand, people who positively impact the world not only obtain amazing results in their work, but their process of obtaining these results – how they operate in life — is also inspiring and uplifting.  They are happy to help and support others, and have an overflow of positive energy that enriches the lives of everyone they work with and connect with.  These positive influencers want others to grow.  They walk away from “success-building” opportunities that will be hurtful and damaging to others. They know that those unethical, demeaning or destructive approaches go against the very meaning and purpose they’re committed to.

6. They view the journey as the goal.

Positive influencers don’t take short cuts or go for the quick buck or easy answer. They don’t view some arbitrary goal or outcome as a destination, because they believe there is no end – it’s all in the journey.  It’s about what they’re learning, experiencing, and building that helps others, and for that, there is no defined end point.  They embrace failure more readily than others as “information” that guides them.  They are more fluid and flexible, and more open to the “how’s” because their ultimate goal is not about upholding their title, income, reputation, stature or power, but about new ways to help and share what they know.

7.They use their power and influence well.

Sadly, it’s a common occurrence in business today to witness power and influence being wielded as a weapon. It hurts and destroys. Positive influencers use their power well and wisely. They understand the widespread influence they have, the power they have to build up and elevate, or tear down.  Those who impact the world for the better are careful and judicious with their words, actions and behaviors. They operate with heart, and care deeply about their leadership and communication process and style, and the influence they have.  They take it seriously, as a special honor and responsibility not to be flaunted or misused.  They understand their special role, and accept it with grace, compassion, and care.

Are you longing to make a positive impact in the world?  If so, do these behaviors match your own? How are they different?

By: Kathy Caprino for Forbes

Since the Nigeria Rowing, Canoe and Sailing Federation (NRCSF) was formed, the country has never finished tops in an international outdoor water sports competition.

That was until Sunday when Ayomide Bello won a gold medal at the Open International Canoe Sprint Competition. Making her the first Nigerian to win the top prize at an international water sports competition. The athlete took home gold at the Open International Canoe Sprint Competition in India, coming in first place in the final of the 200 meters event.

According to Nigerian Sports publication Brila, The athlete also won bronze in the “individual event (C1 500m), and two more in the C2 500m and C2 200m team events, with her partner Blessing Amusar.” Their success means that Team Nigeria left the competition with a total of four medals.

Both athletes competed in the 2018 Youth Olympics in Argentina, as highlighted in this BBC Pidgin report.

“The federation is proud of the achievement of the athletes in India and we hope they will do more in other international engagement,” Secretary of the NRCSF, Bunmi Oluode told the News Agency of Nigeria according to The Sun.

Next, the athlete will head to the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, where we hope to see her shine once again

Credit : fabwoman.ng

Etiquette expert and coach, Myka Meier has praised Chika Ike, calling her Angela Jolie of Africa.

Chika has been in New York taking classes on etiquette and her coach who chose to praise her on social media says she will miss her and she’s our very own Angelina Jolie.

Here’s what Myka wrote on her page;

”The greatest treat to have @chikaike today for tea! She is the Angelina Jolie of Africa in the way that she is an amazing actress, producer, and philanthropist 🙌 w her own foundation for children in need. Always about empowering others, her book Boss Up is what inspiration is made of👊 Will miss this Nollywood Sweetheart but Chika I promise I’m coming to Nigeria to visit you soon 😘❤️ ”

 

 

 

Credit: stargist.com

A Nigerian woman in Houston, Texas, has given birth to sextuplets in under 10 minutes.

Thelma Chiaka welcomed four boys and two girls on Friday morning at The Woman’s Hospital of Texas.

Having sextuplets is so rare that Chiaka beat the odds to become one in 4.7 billion in the world.

All six babies were born between 4.50am and 4.59am with weights ranging from one pound, 12 ounces to two pounds, 14 ounces.

According to the hospital, each of the babies are in a stable condition and will continue to be supervised in the advanced neonatal intensive care unit. The mother is also doing well.

While Chiaka has yet to name all of her children, the hospital revealed that she has named her two daughters Zina and Zuriel.

 

 

Nigerian woman gives birth to sextuplets in under 10 minutes in Texas

Credit: LIB