self development Archives

In self development April 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“ENTREPRENEURSHIP IS HARD. I CRY A LOT” -MOCHEDDAH

Fashion entrepreneur, Mocheddah, has taken to her IG page to recount how being an adult and entrepreneur in Nigeria makes her cry a lot. She posted the photo above on her IG page and wrote

This is me —

After a goooood cry ?, I had to wipe my tears , drink tea , get on the phone and get work done .

40% of my time is spent on the phone talking , I do not wish it so but it is , I’m either talking to staff , a supplier or trying to get logistic companies to “do their job “on time because customers need their orders .. .

Another 40% is spent on the field , in the sun buying materials I would need or on an okada trying to meet up with a delivery, ( I’ll post the picture soon )
The last 20% is what I have left for myself , family and other businesses I run … .

.It is HARD , I cry , I cry a lot ???.. .

that’s the only way you can survive as a Nigerian business owner … .

Do not let my Instagram slay pictures deceive you , being an ADULT is HARD work, being an entrepreneur is even HARDER .. .

If you must chop you must work
On the brighter side God rewards hard work … so you will always reap what you have sewn .. I’m writing this to let someone out there know it’s hard for me too … but we will survive .. PS- try drinking green tea – it makes it easier ??

Credit: LIB

In self development April 17, 2019 By Women of Rubies

SIJU YUSUF: COERCIVE CONTROL

Things are looking up, thankfully so.

Attention is being drawn to cliche… attitudes we erstwhile thought patriarchal though we know they are downright unacceptable.

I wish though that focal lenses would beam on coercive control, not only that, recognize it as a criminal offense and treat it as such.

We grew up in the same neighborhood oh, how sweet she was. She was that person that knew and called everyone by their middle names, generously dishing out mouthfuls of smiles as her eyes thinned from a kindness that wells from within.

”I think Lois has her number, I will check. But you will be in luck if she picks. She’s only allowed her phone at certain times during the day”

This was the response I got when I allowed my mind travel down memory lane and I felt that longing, the one that suggests I have missed her and I made attempts to reach out.

A frown burrowed. What does he mean by ‘allow’. That choice of word could have been considered more carefully I thought… too delicate to use that loosely.

Then I dug further, she’s also not ‘allowed’ to work. She’s mothering her kids (and her partner) round the clock.

Not too many people have her number, not when she’s constantly changing it. Oh! Stressful!

This, my friend is happening in 2019 and I ask myself, are we still so gullible to interpret deliberate isolation, deprivation of independence as love… at the worst, we have termed it obsession.

Brrrh! We surely should start calling a spade exactly what it is, A SPADE!

It is no longer news that domestic abuse is not always physical. When a persons independence is being sabotaged and threatened by their partners (as a result of previously deprived rights) that, is coercive control.

Such a relationship is hard to exit!

The call is to urgently appraise your situation to identify any trends as those (there are a lot more) above.

And, to raise awareness on the pressing need to not only treat coercive control as a criminal offense but to encourage survivors speak up for victims.

Credit: Siju Yusuf

In self development April 15, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I HAVE TRAINED MYSELF TO FEEL THE FEAR, AND DO IT ANYWAY” -TEMI MARCELLA AWOGBORO

It’s easy to be impressed with accomplishments of Temi Marcella Awogboro and you ought to be: 1st class degree from University of Cambridge, MBA from Stanford Graduate School of Business, Future Awards Africa Prize for Professional Service, the Goldman Sachs Global Leader’s Award, African Leadership Initiative Tutu Fellow and World Economic Forum Global Shaper.

Now as director of Arbraaj Group, she has committed nearly US$500 million in private partnership capital across strategic sectors in Africa in a bid to tackle some of the most pressing global challenges.But underneath it all is someone who is driven, focused, wise and self-aware. She is a living example that you can generate wealth and give back as she has done through many initiatives including co-founding Kairos Angels, an early stage investment syndicate aiming to transform Africa by partnering with visionary entrepreneurs to build scalable and sustainable businesses.

Through her integrity and generosity of time and energy, Awogboro proves herself to be a good example not just for women but for men too. Perhaps it is these inner qualities we should be impressed with.

You have lived and worked across four continents and travelled much of the globe. What impression or impact has this made on you as a person?
It has been a thoroughly enriching and rewarding journey having had the opportunity to live and work in Europe, The Middle East, The US and Africa and the opportunity to travel much of the globe. In my view leadership skills are becoming one of the most valuable assets in an ever-increasingly fast paced global world. I am always seeking to evolve into a greater version of myself and I find travel gives me opportunities for growth, be it in risk-taking, learning to adapt, building resilience and honing my problem-solving skills.

Historically, encounters between differing tribes, nations, and cultures have driven innovation and fuelled the imagination. The internet and worldwide travel options have taken us to new global heights more rapidly than in generations past.I believe entrepreneurs ready for this future of increased connection will no doubt become leaders of the movement, especially if they prepare their teams now to embrace the change.

What is your advice for the upcoming generation in their pursuit for excellence considering the rut in Nigeria youth circle?
This historical moment calls for the African youth to step up and take leadership to create the future they so deeply desire. Africa’s youth leaders must harness the power of technology, information and networks to build the institutions and infrastructure that speaks to their ideals and vision for the future. Failing to do so will result in the continent being left behind by the technological revolution, further increasing the gap with the rest of the world.

In turn current African leaders must harness and unleash the potential of its burgeoning youth by addressing the barriers which inhibit the emergence of young leaders and their ability to influence the transformation of the continent. As such, there is a need to democratize the leadership development process in Africa. Formal and informal leaderships across all levels in society cannot be a luxury afforded only to the elite, it needs to be an inclusive process through the propagation of inclusive political and economic structures.

Are there any initiatives for young people to improve their skills?
I sit on the board of generation Enterprise (GEN), our mission is to tackle the skills gap that traps young people in poverty. With its portfolio of “Social Mobility Enterprises,” GEN builds businesses that take youth from apprentice to manager to equity owner. An example is Zest Concierge Services, a premium office and home cleaning and repair company with major Nigerian technology clients, run entirely by youth from communities like Makoko.

What are your plans for the girl child in Nigeria?
I am a firm believer in the centrality of education for girls, as a critical tool for economic progress. Rapid socio-economic development of a nation has been observed to depend on the calibre of women and their education in that country. Educating girls is known to be the basis for sound economic and social development, bestowing upon them a disposition for a lifelong acquisition of knowledge, values, attitudes, competence and skills.

In order for Nigerian women to perform to their full potential, imperialist male-gender privilege, biased traditional and religious beliefs impeding women’s education must be de-emphasised in Nigerian society. I am an active advocate for women in education in Nigeria and I leverage my access to leading global institutions to encourage and agitate in favour of women seeking more ways to educate themselves. As Africa Advisory Board of Save the Children, I hope to support the initiatives that touch the lives of the girl child. In addition, I continue to mentor and engage through school visits.

You are in your thirties and have already achieved so much but do you sometimes feel under pressure as a woman to do more?
I do feel under this pressure, born of outsized expectations at work and at home and go through days where you feel you are not able to give the best of you to any one dimension – after all energy too has its limits. Nobody has it all in the way we currently define it.

For all of us, life requires trade-offs and choices. I think it is important we redefine success in more human terms rather than the fantasy of women — or men — that have it all. In my view, real success — the true definition of having it all — is getting clarity on what success means for you individually and putting your energies there.

Do you think Nigerian women are ready to take up more roles in the political space?
Women are ready and have been ready. Religious and cultural norms are applied to constrain women and these are entrenched further through policies and laws that institutionalise discrimination against women. Until we address these ‘intangible’ issues head on women will continue to be under-represented in society.

How do you think investments in the female gender should be approached?
It is important in my view that capital allocators are more intentional about overcoming inherent biases towards those who are under-represented and under-served by existing entrepreneurial structures and systems. Kairos Angels does not approach its investments with a gender lens per se but is doing its part in addressing some of these issues. Today, 50% of the Kairos portfolio is invested in businesses with female sole founders at the helm.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I don’t have a single greatest achievement. Every milestone of success has been part of the journey. Perhaps if you ask me today, my greatest source of pride is the blessing of raising a daughter and channeling my love and positivity into her. Becoming a mother has sharpened my focus, renewed my hunger to be more, and do more because I have someone who I come home to everyday that looks up to me as her hero and role model.

Credit: Guardian Woman

In self development April 15, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET HOME-SCHOOLED 15-YEAR-OLD TYLA WHO MAKES $8K A MONTH, SELLING HER SECRET HOT SAUCE

Tyla-Simone Crayton, a 15-year old home-schooled teen entrepreneur from Houston, Texas, is the CEO of Sienna Sauce. Known as the Sauce Boss, she created the recipe for the uniquely-flavored sauce when she was just 8-years old. Now, she is selling the award-winning sauce online and through multiple distributors and she earns $8,000 a month!

Tyla-Simone, who grew up in New York, has always loved the hot sauce at her favorite chicken wings spot in the city. Since the restaurant closed, she tried to replicate the taste of the sauce. She was just 8 years old then and her mother, Monique Crayton, was initially hesitant about the idea. But when she tried to serve the sauce to their friends and neighbors, it became an instant hit!

Since then, Tyla-Simone and her mom have decided to sell the sauce in bottles. Her mother also quit her job earlier this year to be more dedicated to helping her daughter, who is home-schooled, to run and manage the company.

“My sauce has the potential to be even greater than ketchup,” Tyla-Simone told SWNS. “Not only does it taste great, but it’s healthy because it is gluten-free and high-fructose corn syrup free.”

Now based in Texas, Sienna Sauce comes in three flavors: lemon pepper, spicy, and tangy. They have 22 distributors and is set to hit the supermarkets. They have now been reportedly raking in up to $8,000 a month. Tyla-Simone also hopes someday her sauce will be sold in packets at fast-food chains.

“It’s exciting and scary at times and it is stressful to balance my business and going to school,” Tyla-Simone said. “I love doing it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. People should know that it is never too early to start.”

For more information about Sienna Sauce and/or to order online, visit www.siennasauce.com or follow her on Instagram @CEOsauceboss

Credit: blackbusiness.org

In self development April 15, 2019 By Women of Rubies

OLAWUNMI ADEGOKE: HOW TO DEAL WITH FEAR

F

Whenever you find yourself in a fearful situation, do not fret, do not be quiet, have an answer for it by taking the right actions

Fear is the deadliest emotion anyone can experience. This negative emotion does not only cripple people from taking meaningful steps to better their lives, but it also hinders them from enjoying the best things in life. Fear is clearly a distraction from living your purpose on earth. It is a great killer, by this I mean killer of dreams.

But how does fear come?
Fear comes in different ways. This can be either through an external source or from internal sources. Below is a list of how fear comes:

People
Have you ever noticed that it is so easy for people to not believe in you, your dreams and your goals? Simply put, it is easier for them to discourage than to encourage one. Many times, what people communicate to us is what actually puts fear in us, and interestingly, they seldom know when they are doing this. It might just be out of sheer concern. And if we continue paying attention to what these people say and do to us, we might never have the courage to achieve our goals.

Fear comes also from the kind of people we surround ourselves with. Some people only know how to communicate impossibility. They will find every means to discourage you, instill fear in you, because what you are attempting to do is something they have never done before. They believe: Why attempt to fly like an eagle when you can join them to walk on feet?

Your Inner Self
Another way fear can come is from us ourselves. This is how it happens:

When you have an idea on how to better humanity, fear comes in subtle ways and tells you why you should never take a step on that idea. And the more you gave in to this emotion, the more you get demoralized achieving it.

Past Experiences
Fear can also be an offshoot from past experience. Many times, people do not set all out to be afraid of things, but tracing back to past disappointments and failures, this terrible emotion can come into play.

Having highlighted some ways through which fear can come, the list below provides simple ways through which you can deal with fear:

Dissociate from Pessimistic People
One very useful thing to regularly do is to evaluate the people in your life and identify the roles they play. Some people are cheerleaders, others are energy drainers. The honest truth is that you don’t need everybody on your team, neither do you need everybody to believe in you. Some people don’t just see things the way you do. Stop dragging along people who drain your energy with doubts and fear. Some people just won’t get it.

Surround Yourself with Go-getters
You know the saying: Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are. Well, here is an addition to it: Show me your friend and I will tell you the direction at which your life is headed.

If you want to practically deal with fear all day, you need to surround yourself with “ready to do” changemakers. This issue of surrounding yourself with positive people is non-negotiable. You need people around you who are not afraid to dare the status quo to do the impossible.

Believe in Yourself
You know why most people never get ahead in life? They do not have that self-belief in themselves or their vision. Having self-belief is the fundamental trust you need to achieve anything in life. The next time you want to achieve a goal:

You need to believe it can be done.
Afterwards, believe it will be done.
And then, believe it will be done by you.

Let go of the Past
The past will forever remain the past, and you should never allow it deter you from reaching into the future. There is always so much more you can achieve, so much that you can do with your life, skills and energy. The fact that you made a mistake in the past should not stop you from reaching out for more things. Simply look away from the past and look forward.

Take Actions
There is no better way of dealing with fear than taking action. Get past the ideation phase, where it feels like that which you want to achieve may not possible. Start by taking a step on that idea, even if it’s just baby steps. Continue taking action even when you feel like giving up, and in no time, you would have moved past all the negative fearful emotions.

In conclusion, always remember that fear comes to everyone at some point or the other in life. But the way we respond to this emotion is what will count in the long run. Whenever you find yourself in a fearful situation, do not fret, do not be quiet, have an answer for it by taking the right actions.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development April 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS NEVER CALLED ‘PRETTY’.. I GREW UP KNOWING I WASN’T THE PRETTIEST” -LAMI PHILIPS

Singer, Lami Philips shared a photo from her childhood days with an emotional background story of how she grew up and the battles she fought.

Read below…

Yeah.. that’s me.. the darkest person in the picture. I grew up “knowing” that I wasn’t the prettiest. My parents friends would joke “blacky”.. or ask me in Yoruba “ki lo de to se jo okunrin bayi “ ( why do you look so much like a boy). I was told I was short and thick ( it sounds worse in Yoruba).
I was also asked why i looked like my dad. Why wasn’t I light skinned like my mother? So many questions… all somehow directed at making me subconsciously question the way I looked. Over time.. I decided to ignore or compartmentalize those insecurities. I ignored the fact that I was somewhat unrecognizable in photographs or less favored for certain opportunities.
I was never called pretty as much as I can remember. I convinced myself that I was ordinary. Thank God for my sense of humour because I allowed it all dust off my shoulders by joking about it. So as a teenager when a boy said he liked me .. I wouldn’t believe it. Why would he like me when there are others prettier than me? Little did I know that I was far from ordinary. Little did they know.. that I was beautiful… TO UNDERSTAND THE FRUIT WE MUST EXAMINE THE ROOT. Excuse me as I pursue PURPOSE. (Most people won’t understand the “purpose” or meaning of this post/caption.. and that’s ok too)
Credit: LIB

In self development April 12, 2019 By Women of Rubies

KATE HENSHAW BELIEVES ‘4TH REPUBLIC’ DEPICTS HOPE FOR A FIRST FEMALE GOVERNOR IN NIGERIA

Kate Henshaw believes Ishaya Bako’s ‘4th Republic’ shows hope for a first female governor

In an exclusive interview with Pulse, the lead character in ‘4th Republic’ said the movie speaks to a hope in the future that hopefully, a woman one day will become a governor in Nigeria.

“It was really, really good working with the Ishaya Bako, and Ben Peever, Linda, Eyinna and Uncle bimbo. It was quite an experience because it portrays our political terrain the way we do politics here in Nigeria. And it also speaks to a hope in the future that hopefully, a woman one day will become a governor, not just a deputy as is the norm,” Henshaw told Pulse.

Speaking on her role in the movie, she said her involvement in active politics five years ago really helped her get into character. She further expressed how the emotions she had to portray playing the role came from a real place.

“Another thing is, I believe why they chose me for that role is because I’d run for office in 2014. So the emotions that I had to portray playing that role were coming from a real place. It really helped me. And it was hard which was for, I think almost a month in Abuja and then I had to leave to do the world’s best because, I couldn’t complete some scenes but they had some pickup shots without me, which was okay,” she opened up.

The ‘When the sun sets’ actress was quick to note that she’s ready to go back into politics but lack the funds required to back her willingness.

Kate Henshaw said her involvement in active politics five years ago really helped her get into character in ‘4th Republic’. [Pulse]

“Willingness to serve is not going to be a problem for me but is to have the do I the war chest which is money plenty of money Nigeria’s politics is money, money very, very much capital oriented.

“I don’t have that kind of money to throw away I’m saying through a way because sometimes if you spend that money you’re not guaranteed of a win because it’s a vicious cycle the people keep expecting money you give them money they vote for you when you vote with people they go the reps or whoever the senators are they go away for four years they come back and throw money at you, you receive it even though in this last political dispensation there are a few surprises which is very good and I think that people are their eyes are getting you know open and they’re getting wise to the political antics,” she expressed.

Henshaw contested for the ticket of the Peoples Democratic Party to represent Calabar Municipal/Odukpani Federal Constituency vie for a seat at the Federal House of Representatives.

Credit: Pulse

In self development April 11, 2019 By Women of Rubies

WOMAN BECOMES SURROGATE MOTHER FOR HER TWIN SISTER WHO COULDN’T GET PREGNANT BECAUSE OF RARE HEREDITARY DISEASE

After watching her twin sister 34-year-old Whitney Bliesner battle a rare hereditary disease called Neurofibromatosis type 2 (NF2) her entire life, Jill Noe couldn’t stand to see her experience another ounce of pain.

Whitney wanted a family more than anything, but her disease, which causes benign tumours to grow throughout the nervous system, prevented her from having a natural pregnancy. That’s when Jill stepped in to be her twin sister’s surrogate.

Whitney Bliesner has Neurofibromatosis type 2 (NF2), which Mayo Clinic defines as “a genetic disorder that causes tumours to form on nerve tissue anywhere in your nervous system, including your brain, spinal cord and nerves.”

“She’s always wanted to be a mom and her disease has already taken so much from her,” Roe told Today of her inspiration behind the generous gesture. “I wasn’t going to allow (NF2) to take this opportunity from her, too. She’s my best friend and I know she would have done the same for me.”

“I really didn’t put much thought into becoming a surrogate at all,” she added. “It just felt like the right thing to do. Our family is so strong and so supportive of one another, especially since Whit’s diagnosis in 8th grade.”

Despite her initial willingness to help, the road to getting pregnant was a long one for Jill. After her first round of IVF failed, Jill was left feeling like she had failed her sister.

It was such a tough and sombre day for all of us. Whit — true to form — was positive and sweet. She encouraged me and lifted me right back up and said, ‘It’s OK. If and when you are ready, let’s try again.’”Noe is now 30 weeks along in her pregnancy with a healthy set of twins, a boy and a girl, due June 6. The soon-to-be parents have already picked out the names, Rhett for the boy and Rhenley for the girl.Noe and Bliesner have been supported by their family, especially their mother, whom Noe described as “the catalyst” for them to be such a strong family.“It’s just instilled in me and Whitney, and obviously my other siblings, that no matter what adversities we faced, we’re always there together and we’ll go through it as one big strong unit,” Noe said.

Credit: Fab Woman

In self development April 11, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

URU EKE: OPEN YOUR MIND TO ONLINE DATING

Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually

The world is turning digital and so has the dating game. A lot more people have explored the option of dating online because, to be honest, except you’re very active socially, the chances of meeting ‘the one’ on your daily grind are limiting.

There used to be a stigma surrounding online dating, and I think part of it was residual, as judgement was passed down from our parents. Our parents didn’t grow up with the internet, so they view it with a certain distance. But with the advent of the technology, the internet and social media, our world has been cracked wide open.

You get to watch people livestream everything about themselves, post pictures of their day-to-day activities, ups, downs and daily grind. Send a message to a stranger via their social network handle and if you’re lucky, you get a response. Technology has made it somewhat easier to date and connect with people all around the globe. Imagine If your soulmate lived in China and you live all the way in Bulgaria, at least with various apps you can watch and communicate with them in real time.

Almost every facet of our lives is online now: buying clothes, watching TV, ordering food, filing taxes, registering to vote, getting a job, streaming movies, and so on. Online dating isn’t supposed to replace face-to-face human interaction. It’s more of a means of connecting you to other compatible singles that you might want to meet in person. I think dating online should be called online meeting, because the dating is supposed to happen in real life, not virtually. And the people you find on these sites vary so much, you really can’t go wrong.

There was a dating show I used to watch called Millionaire Matchmaker, where millionaires paid premium to this lady called Patty to find them a match. During the opening montage she would say, “Everybody wants love, but not everyone finds it.” She has positioned herself as a connector and boasts of a very high success rate, but you would have to pay heavy for her service. For those of us who can’t afford an expensive matchmaker, the internet is free.

Love is a fundamental human need. Most people meet their significant others through their social circles or work/school functions. However, these pools can be relatively shallow. In the search for a potential date, more and more people are switching to less traditional methods. A few celebrities couples we know have confessed to have connected this way, and are in loving meaningful relationships/marriages today.

Please, if you are going to date online, tread with caution, as there are a lot of weirdos prowling the cyberspace. A few years ago a story made the headlines about a girl called Cynthia Osokogu, daughter to a military officer, who was murdered by a man she met on Facebook. So it is absolutely important to be careful and observant when talking to anyone online. Put your FBI cap on, do some background checks if you must. Don’t give away to much information about yourself. For years there have been stories of internet love scams, and as popular as these stories are, more and more people keep falling prey.

Dating online also allows people exaggerate their profile by fabricating their lives to seem more attractive. So it’s important to be discerning. Take your time, ask questions – lots of questions. Ask for pictures, make video calls, and if they refuse to a video call – red flags should start to go up.

Not to discourage you, but if you are going to try dating online, research your options. Forbes reports that there are about 8,000 dating sites in the world, so ask for recommendations from friends, family, etc. Check out the popular ones, sites that have conducted interviews and have media coverage. In essence, open your mind to other forms of connecting with people and see searching online as a possibility.

In self development April 10, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEDIA PERSONALITY, BOLANLE OLUKANNI OPENS UP ON HOW SHE BATTLED WITH SELF-CONFIDENCE AS A TEENAGER BECAUSE OF HER STRETCH MARKS

Media personality, Bolanle Olukanni has revealed that she had to struggle with self-confidence as a teenager because she battled with stretch marks. On Tuesday, April 9, 2019, she took to her Instagram page where she wrote on her battles and finally getting over it after a while.

“I first got stretch marks on my shoulders when I had my first Growth spurt. I was probably 12. All my friends would wear tank tops and spaghetti tops and I felt like I had to cover my shoulders. It affected my confidence during my teenage years and I spent my early adulthood hiding my shoulders. Well, I finally got over it and I realized it’s not a big deal. So to women and men who have stretch marks and feel self-conscious about it …please don’t – you are beautiful no matter what ! ❤️❤️❤️ #beautylook #growingpains #stretchmarks #flawsandall,” she wrote.

Credit: Pulse

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