self development Archives

In self development May 14, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NSE IKPE-ETIM SHARES EMOTIONAL STORY OF HOW SHE HAD TO HAVE HER UTERUS REMOVED TO SAVE HER LIFE

Nse Ikpe-Etim just revealed that she will not be able to have kids due to a condition she had in the past called Adenomyosis, a condition whereby the inner lining of the uterus breaks through the muscle of the uterus. This condition required uterus removal, so Nse Ikpe-Etim had her uterus removed.

“I was told I couldn’t have kids,” she said.

“And so, I had to have a hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) to make me have a life again and to stop going through what I was going through. And I’m literarily telling women and men, it really doesn’t matter if you can’t bear children. What really matters is what you would do for the world, for the universe.”

While talking about the time the doctor broke the news to them, she described how her husband had comforted her.

“Tears dropped and then my husband squeezed my hand. It was reassuring there was someone there and it was telling me that this is reality, my reality.”

Nse Ikpe-Etim, before getting married to her husband in 2013 had said that marriage wasn’t for her, but she still admits that she wasn’t born for marriage, but to make an impact in society. The actress says that she always wanted twins, but unfortunately, she had to remove her uterus, and that’s not possible.

“I didn’t think there was any point anymore because my society taught me that I have to be a mother to be appreciated and every time I went online, I would have one troll or two say ‘you never born?’

“But I’m thankful that that didn’t break me.”

Many years back, Nse Ikpe-Etim started a relationship in their teens and called it off. However, they still got back together and got married in 2013 on Valentine’s Day. She and her husband started dating as teenagers, and this is a relationship that they certainly can’t give up on.

Credit: Stargist

In self development May 14, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

SINEM BILEN ONABANJO- WHITE PRIVILEGE IS A DISEASE

This week was the week proud new parents, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have presented their new-born son Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor to the world. Also the week BBC Radio host Danny Baker was fired Thursday after tweeting out a cartoon the day before representing the new royal baby as a chimpanzee in a suit, with the caption: “Royal baby leaves the hospital.”

Baker, an award-winning host as well as a comedy writer and journalist, initially deleted the tweet and apologized for its contents.

“Sorry my gag pic of the little fella in the posh outfit has whipped some up,” he tweeted first. “Never occurred to me because, well, mind not diseased. Soon as those good enough to point out it’s possible connotations got in touch, down it came. And that’s it.”

As the backlash kicked off on social media, in a desperate attempt to make amends, Baker tweeted,

“Once again. Sincere apologies for the stupid unthinking gag pic earlier. Was supposed to be joke about Royals vs circus animals in posh clothes but interpreted as about monkeys & race, so rightly deleted. Royal watching not my forte. Also, guessing it was my turn in the barrel.”

Then he tried yet again, relaying an exchange at his door with a Daily Mail reporter. Baker’s irritation was showing as the reporter allegedly asked him, “Do you think black people look like monkeys?”

“This was a serious error of judgment and goes against the values we as a station aim to embody,” the BBC said in a statement Thursday, as the broadcaster decided to let the presenter go. “Danny’s a brilliant broadcaster but will no longer be presenting a weekly show with us.”

Shortly after he had been fired, Baker turned on his former employer for making the decision to let him go.

“The call to fire me from @bbc5live was a masterclass of pompous faux-gravity,” he tweeted Thursday. “Took a tone that said I actually meant that ridiculous tweet and the BBC must uphold blah blah blah. Literally threw me under the bus. Could hear the suits knees knocking.”

In an LBC interview after he was fired, Baker told James O’Brien: “It was put up there as a joke about class. It was supposed to be preposterous about toffs leaving. The idea that there was any racial basis for it … it came out of my own ignorance.

“I curdled that I thought anyone could have thought that was the intent behind that photo.”

A whole 24 hours after the radio host shared the offensive post the backlash continued with many criticising Baker, including ITV News anchor Charlene White who said, “To claim ‘ignorance’, and give a half-hearted apology – again full of jokey ‘banter’ – despite people highlighting just how clearly offensive it is, is also unacceptable. That’s not the world we live in now. Those who live in privilege must be held to account” and writer and broadcaster Afua Hirsch who tweeted: “Not only does Danny Baker post an image comparing a baby w African heritage to an ape, but he has the audacity to say problem is that those of us who point out how racist it is have ‘diseased minds’.”

Hirsch’s comment right here sums it all up For those still wondering what the brouhaha is all about – and there are indeed many of them still pondering all over Twitter and Facebook. One such today came across Mr O’s rant on Facebook and ventured to comment, “Pretty sure he meant it as ‘the kid is gonna become another royal monkey being controlled and pranced around by higher ups without proper freedom’ rather than anything racial. Completely unfair to fire him based on his post. From the statement also he didn’t mean it as some people understood it.”

What is perhaps equally as troubling as, if not more so than, Baker’s original tweet is the defence he offers for his actions, which is echoed by those who see no wrongdoing in Baker’s behaviour. And it can be summed up in two words: white privilege.

No need pointing out Baker’s race and privilege. Needless to add, the aforementioned clueless commentator is another member of the white privilege club where the colour of one’s skin and the privileges that naturally come with it make one blind to connotations and in fact blatant codes of racism, such as depicting the biracial offspring of the Duke and Duchess as a chimp.

White privilege is also the same disease that caused similar blindness in 2018 when H&M outraged its black audience with their ill-advised ‘coolest monkey in the jungle’ hoody, incidentally worn by a black kid.

Also the same disease which made Heineken and its supporters equally deaf to the racial undertones of the tagline ‘sometimes lighter is better’ the brand used to market its light beer.

There are countless examples from the world of modern media and advertising to show just how rampant white privilege still is and how so many are blind and deaf to the connotations of certain imagery and words which struck a chord with a racially diverse audience. But to suffer from the white privilege disease and then accuse those offended of having ‘diseased minds’? So glad karma served up real fast in the case of Danny Baker.

Source: Guardian

In self development May 13, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

TEMI OLAJIDE: HERE’S WHY YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO SLEEP EARLY

Sleep training is basically a process of helping a baby learn to sleep well, teaching your child how to sleep independently without help like rocking, backing, nursing, carrying, etc., which usually adds to your stress as a parent.

While we all understand the importance of food to the body, we fail to realise that sleep is more important, and is an essential part of human development. In fact, it is possible to go days without food, but just try going three or four nights in a row without sleep and you just might start hallucinating. Yes! That’s how dangerous lack of sleep is.

Now, as a parent, when you’ve not had enough consolidated sleep, consecutively for say three days, how do you feel? Tired, cranky, exhausted, unproductive—the list is exhaustive. The same can be said for kids. Imagine what your children go through each day when they are not having enough sleep, especially four-month-olds and above.

Benefits of good consolidated sleep

They are more alert at school, and easily grasp and comprehend things. Yes, children tend to be forgetful because, of course, they are kids. But their attention span and comprehension is better when they have slept properly.
Increase in concentration level is also noticeably better.
They are physically and emotionally healthy, as the brain repairs and recovery takes place during consolidated sleep period.
The growth hormone in children is developed adequately during sleep.
Mummy time becomes possible. I mean, imagine putting your feet up after a long day, with a glass of wine while reading a book, watching your favourite TV show or catching up on BellaNaija. Of course, your child must be fast asleep for you to truly enjoy it.
Extra bonding time with your partner. Now, for me this is just the icing on the cake! Who doesn’t love bonding time with zero interruption from your little one.

Some of the things holding us back include:

Co-sleeping with your child
While this may be seen as bonding in the beginning, it is a long term recipe for disaster, because you’ll never be able to get enough sleep.

Guilt as a working parent
You know those times you tell yourself you’re just going to bond with your child, but really you’re just bonding with your phone after a long day.

Impatience
Sometimes, we are just so impatient to put the child to sleep. You just don’t want to stop what you’re doing at the expense of your child’s health.

Easily give in to your child
Your child wants to continue watching cartoons till 11 PM, and you agree so he/she doesn’t cry or disturb your peace. This is wrong whichever way you look at it. Who is the parent, who is the child?

5 signs to know your child’s sleep pattern needs to be improved:

Your child throws too many unnecessary tantrums. We sometimes wrongfully assume that it is “normal” for kids to throw tantrums, but it really isn’t.
Your child cries too much, especially in the mornings.
If you have to wake the child up in the mornings, and the child is refusing to wake up or sleepy till he or she is ready for school.
You are in and out of hospital many days, except your child has a form of health challenge.
You aren’t as productive as you should be as a mum.

Creating a sleep pattern for your child needs consistency and a realistic sleep routine. When you are having a bit of challenge creating a consolidated sleep pattern for your child, as a child psychologist who is also a sleep consultant, I just advise parents to sleep train the child.

Children need, depending on their ages, an average of about ten to fourteen hours of consolidated (uninterrupted) sleep every day, while newborns need about fourteen to sixteen hours. I hear some mums say, I wasn’t sleep trained or taught to sleep and I grew up great, why should I teach my child to sleep? But what we forget as parents is that life sleep trained us.

Remember in those days there were no gadgets, DSTV, YouTube, unlimited access to internet. Children’s TV stations closed 7 PM. Your parents went to bed after the 10 PM news. There was no generator and when power went off, everyone retired to bed. So we were sleeping well and having uninterrupted sleep.

Fast forward to this digital age with everything 24 hours. 24 hours access to the internet, generator, TV, phones, etc. This lifestyle is greatly affecting our sleep pattern, thus affecting the quality of our sleep and health.

That is why it’s necessary to help your child develop a great sleep pattern now. Imagine their lives ten years down the line if nothing is done now in this digital age.

If your child isn’t having enough sleep, or you as a mum aren’t, you’re harming both of you. Is this what you really want? Or would you like to do something about it today? Think about it.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 11, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

EHI AGBASHI: THERE IS NO WOMAN WHO IS SAFE IN NIGERIA

A lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.

I am sure we all saw the disturbing videos, read the stories of the women who were arrested and assaulted for going to night clubs. These women were arrested, and then harassed both physically and sexually, and guess what? There were people who found a way to justify these hideous acts.

Some people said, “Well, thank God they were sex workers and not normal women.” Others said, “As a woman, why are you out of your house by this time?” I saw a comment that struck me, and it came from a fellow woman; she said, “I wish they had done this earlier, and I hope they continue.” To the people, especially women, who left these heartless comments, let me break it down for you. I hope, for all our sakes, you really learn something.

First of all, these women were not arrested for being sex workers; they were arrested for being women who were out at night, and God forbid this ever befalls you or any woman you know.

Another thing: they are not ‘just sex workers,’ they are human. They are women before any other thing, and I hope everyone remembers this.

Women were raped and abused, and the first thing that comes to your mind is “What was she wearing?” “Why was she out by that time of the night?” “As a woman she should not be in the club at night.” I hope you learn that no Nigerian woman is safe, and I hope one day you join to make a positive change.

There were protests on May 4, 2019, and to those who went out to voice their pains, anger and support for a better society, we say thank you. We will keep pushing in our own little ways to achieve positive change.

Now, some people might think the police raid wasn’t close to them, so they weren’t bothered. Well, let me bring it home. A few days ago, a friend asked our group chat if it was okay for a woman to downplay her success because of a man. This was apparently because successful women scare suitors away, and I was glad when everyone said it was not okay to lower your standards for anyone. Why should a woman’s success be downplayed to fuel a man’s ego? You are a woman, and you deserve the same level of success and the right to celebrate your success, just as much as any man.

I can’t speak for other societies, but I can definitely speak for the Nigerian society when I say a lot of people (both genders) see women as lesser humans to their male counterparts. When men voice their displeasure, we often tag them heartbroken and hurt, but when a woman does the same she is seen as bitter and ungrateful. Many people say things like “no man will marry her,” “she is disgracing her family/children,” “she is just bitter, she should move on.” When a man does the same exact thing guess what people say. “Wow, thank God he dodged a bullet,” “I hope time heals his heart,” “I hope he finds someone better.” We have taught females, consciously and unconsciously, that silence is the way for them to be accepted.

The last time, I spoke about speaking up and not suppressing your emotions, and I am here to echo it once again: if you are woman hurt and emotional, speak your truth. Do not let the society make you suppress your feelings. You deserve to express your hurt and heartbreak the way you wish. Sadly, a lot of girls are growing up accepting the fact that the society has placed them in second place, and they are settling for just that.

I hope the younger generation works hard toward ensuring that gender inequality becomes history, and females in the future don’t have to downplay their success and emotions in order to be accepted. From so called moral standards, to success and achievements, up to self-esteem, women are constantly given the shorter end of the stick, and I hope this changes during our time.

In self development May 9, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“THE ROYAL BABY ANNOUNCEMENT WAS DOWNRIGHT SEXIST” – BLOSSOM OZURUMBA

Blossom Ozurumba, an author, has criticized the way the birth of baby Sussex was announced.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry welcomed their royal baby early on Monday morning. Hours later, their official Instagram account made the announcement, writing: “It’s a boy!”

Blossom, who is an Igbo language Editor at Wikipedia, doesn’t approve of the emphasis on the baby being a boy.

She tweeted:

I am as overjoyed as their Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex but I must not fail to express my view that I have the exact distaste for this announcement as I had for the “Mama Na Boy” TV commercial produced by MTN Nigeria Limited in 2003 which was downright sexist.

Nigerian author Blossom Ozurumba says the royal baby announcement was "downright sexist"

Credit: LIB

In self development May 8, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET KAREN OBILOM, THE NIGERIAN-AMERICAN ACTRESS SET TO MAKE HER MARK IN HOLLYWOOD

Upcoming actress, Karen Obilom was born in Texas and raised by Nigerian parents.

(Photo: Karen Obilom)

Karen graduated from the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in Hollywood in 2014. She started off by taking jobs as an acting extra and doing background work. She eventually got an agent and gradually booked some commercials with major brands.

She made her credited debut on the third season of HBO’s Emmy-nominated comedy, Insecure, playing the role of Antoinette. She then went on to appear in an episode of NCIS: Los Angeles and the acclaimed web series, Mr. Student Body President.

(Photo: HBO/Insecure)

She eventually made her big splash with the premiere of BET’s newest series, Games People Play. She stars in the show, alongside Lauren London, Sarunas Jackson, Jackie Long and Parker McKenna Posey.

The show focuses on the sexy, mesmerizing high life of Los Angeles. At its center is Marques King, a newly traded L.A. baller and his wife Vanessa King, to whom Obilom’s Nia Bullock, an ambitious journalist hungry for exclusives, is a friend to.

Jackie Long, Lauren London, Sarunas Jackson, Karen Obilom and Parker McKenna Posey (Photo: BET)

Her goal is to make movies with people who look like her. Obilom and her boyfriend are working on a feature film, A Long Ways From Okay, which focuses on a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down. She plans to have it premiere at Sundance.

She’s also just shot a trailer pilot with Nigerian comedian, Chief Obi, for a movie called Rukky. It’s directed by Ebiye Ikuku and it’s about a girl from Nigeria who goes to Los Angeles for photography and learns to navigate life in the city.

Credit: konbini.com

In self development May 6, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

YEWANDE JINADU: HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION MAILS AFTER AN INTERVIEW

Here is a story of Tayo, a story lots of jobseekers will be able to relate with:

Tayo sees a wonderful job advert with an impressive job description. Immediately she sees it, she’s super excited, because it screams, This is my kind of job. Excited, she cleans up her CV and puts so much effort into a cover letter. She gets the interview invite she was expecting, jumps on her feet already thanking God for the employment letter. Tayo begins to imagine herself on the job, begins planning her route to work, etc.

Fast-forward to the interview and she answers all the questions to the best of her ability. She speaks confidently and the panel looks impressed with her experience, achievements, etc. It all looks positive. A few days later, she gets an email from the company. Excited, she opens it and sees the “regret” right in the first paragraph as usual. Wow!

Tayo is shattered. Various emotions run through her mind. She had believed it was a done deal, and her family members were excited on her behalf. Now they are asking for feedback. Tayo is left wondering for days: What could have gone wrong? Am I not good enough? What if no company wants to hire me? What if I remain jobless for years?

For a lot of people who have been in Tayo’s shoes, this article is for you. There is an ancient quote by Epictetus: “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

Here are some ways to handle a rejection email:

Do a honest self-appraisal

The reason I added honest is that since the excitement has dissipated, that should allow for some critical self-evaluation. The aim is for personal development and growth. Don’t be too harsh on yourself. If you don’t identify areas in need of improvement, you may never learn how to be better in the coming interviews.

Reach out to the interviewer for feedback (if possible)

This may be very difficult, because you may not have the recruiter’s contact, or they may not be willing to be honest with you. As a recruiter, I don’t blame them, because so many candidates don’t take feedback well, and it becomes a back and forth issue. However, few may be willing to be honest with you, depending on your approach.

Take your mind off it and move on to the next one

Whether you like it or not, better opportunities will come. So you have to be hopeful. Don’t let this one define you or your abilities. Just because you were not suitable for this company doesn’t mean you won’t be a perfect fit for another. People’s opinion of you should not determine your worth or value.

Personally, hope is what keeps me going after a rejection. I usually tell myself that if this one didn’t work out, then God obviously has something better, and what may have looked really big will be something I will look back on in the future and be grateful to God for the experience.

I sincerely wish you the best in your career. Join my monthly Twitter Mentoring Session for young professionals by following @careerlifeng on Twitter

About Yewande

Yewande Jinadu is the founder of CareerLife Nigeria, a certified HR Professional and an employability coach. She has a passion for helping Millennials grow their careers. Her vision for CareerLife Nigeria is to help reduce unemployment by providing people with the right career related information. She enjoys reading and speaking with young people.You can check out her blog: www.careerlife.com.ngShe facilitates a monthly career related Twitter discussion: @careerlifengSend her a feedback by sending a mail to: info@careerlife.com.ngJoin her network on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yewande-jinadu/

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 6, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

FOR 12 YEARS SHE SAT BY HER WINDOW WAVING AT SCHOOL KIDS, NOW SHE’S MOVING OUT & HERE’S WHAT THEY DID

Since 2007, Tinney Davidson has sat by her window, waving at kids as they walk to school.

Tinney and her husband moved into a house near a secondary school 12 years ago and she’s been waving at kids walking to school.

On how it started, she said: ‘We’ll if they’ll looking in, I’ll wave them” and she continued the tradition, even after her husband passed.

She’s 88 now and she’ll be moving to an old people’s home. The students gave her one last surprise before she leaves and it’s really sweet.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on May 4, 2019 at 7:52am PDT

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 6, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

“HER DAYS OF AN UNDESERVING AND UNDER PERFORMING PARTNER ARE OVER” – PATRICK DOYLE’S ODE TO IRETI DOYLE IS A MUST READ!

A couple of days ago, Nollywood actress Ireti Doyle celebrated her birthday.

Her husband and actor Patrick Doyle shared a long and important message for Ireti which he titled “An Ode to a Great Lady“.

In the message, he comes close to confirming rumors of a dispute between the two of them. He admits that he has been in the “dog house” and was recently released.

Patrick Doyle thanks Ireti for her compassion and he pledges that there shall never be another “cock up”.

Read the full message below.

AN ODE TO A GREAT LADY

This is my tribute to a great Lady, my life has almost always revolved around strong women. The first strong woman in my life was the enigmatic Angela Bassey Doyle, who while still grieving as a young widow gave birth to me and stayed unmarried to nurture me. She stayed around as a strong pillar in my life till I was well in my 40’s before she passed away. Next was my aristocratic sister Ayodeji Omobolanle Alakija, the 2nd of two daughters of my great mother. She unfortunately passed on in her 40’s but in her life time was the very epitome of grace, and courage. She was not ” lucky in the love department ” as she was the victim of a loveless and fraudulent marriage, yet she carried on with the panache that only an Alakija is able to. My life would me incomplete without mentioning the mother of 3 of my sons, the very forthright Rosamond Emechete.

Who in spite of her fragile health gave me 3 very handsome sons and sadly passed on 7 months after the birth of our last son, Eyitemi. Shortly after the passing of Rosamond, God sent me an angel. Not only did this angel dry my tears, comfort my soul and lift my spirit at the lowest point in my life, but she showered my boys with the highest quality of care that I have ever seen a mother give her children. I have been young and now I am older, and I have never seen a woman more loving , caring and devoted than this lady. She not only ignored the taunting of “true friends ” who queried what she was doing with a “broke ass” like me. Frankly, if she was my sister , I would have asked her the same question.

Have I always justified or honored her courageous decision to stick with me through thick and thin? The answer is a big resounding NO. If any thing I have been most undeserving of the affection of this most uncommon woman. Have I taken her Love for granted? You bet I have, why? because like most men , I am prone to being a jerk. I can not count how many times she has had to pick up the slack when I have failed in my duties as a husband and father. She has with the greatest sense of responsibility been the rock of our family. Without a doubt she is the most generous woman I know, a dependable friend, a loyal ally and the most loving and sensual woman ever.
Lately I had been less than worthy of her affection and was deservedly put in the proverbial “dog house”. As usual , she has with compassion taken me out of the “dog house” and reinstated all my rights and privileges as the Lord and Master of the home. I know that at the back of her mind , she’s mentally preparing for my next “cock up”.
I hereby pledge that there shall never be another “cock up”. Her days of an undeserving and under performing partner are over. Her love and devotion over the years will never go unrewarded . My Angel has proven that a good woman can by her conduct ” convert an unbelieving husband”, that is not to say I am an unbelieving husband, maybe recalcitrant would better describe what I was. I am now a truly ” born again” husband. I now publicly proclaim that I am married to The Best Woman Alive. Now, I know that God truly loves me for sending me the ” Angel Of My Life” (apologies to Paul Play).

Monday the 21st of December will make it 15 years since this most classy lady uttered the words ” I DO” to me in the presence of God and Man. The last 15 years have been any thing but smooth, true the ride has been bumpy with My Angel bearing the brunt of the rough times, but by the Grace of God those days are over In Jesus Name.
Isaiah 42 verse 9 says ” Behold the former things are come to pass, and new things do I declare: before they spring forth I tell you of them”. Heaven has spoken and so shall it be.

On behalf of my sons, my 2 beautiful daughters that My Angel gave me and indeed the entire Doyle, and Henshaw clan of County Wexford, Ireland and Liverpool, UK, as well as Warri and Calabar, Nigeria , we salute and honor this most illustrious daughter of Akure Land, this Moremi of our time, the one and only Anike Ade Oluwaninsola Iretiola Doyle on the occasion of her 15th wedding anniversary.
Your Divine Labour Of Love Will Be Rewarded, Good Measure, Pressed Down and Running Over, In Jesus Name.

In self development May 4, 2019 By Women of Rubies

KIM KARDASHIAN HELPS SECURE THE RELEASE OF ANOTHER CONVICT WHO SERVED 22 YEARS OVER A LOW LEVEL DRUG CASE

Kim Kardashian West has again helped secure the release of a black man who spent over 22-years in jail over a low level drug case.

Kardashian, who’s currently studying to become a criminal justice lawyer, became more involved with helping convicts after she was able to persuade US President Donald Trump to commute the sentence of Alice Marie Johnson, a first-time non-violent drug offender, months ago.

“We did it again! Had the best call w/this lovely family & my attorney @msbkb who just won release for their loved one Jeffrey in Miami – he served 22 years of life sentence for low level drug case. He served too much time but it gives me so much joy to fund this life saving work,” Kim wrote.

Credit: LIB

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