self development Archives

In self development June 2, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

ASK SHADE ABOUT TRUSTS: MY HUSBAND HIDES HIS ASSETS FROM ME

Hello Shade,
I am a full-time housewife married to an international businessman. It is his choice that I stay home to tend to the home front, which I’ve come to embrace as my role. The problem is that as an educated wife, I think I’m supposed to know all my husband’s assets and properties, but he doesn’t tell me anything about them. I often feel he thinks I’m useless because I don’t work. Am I being unnecessarily paranoid?
– Bisi, Ogun State

***

Dear Bisi,

Thank you for reaching out to me.

I understand that you feel under-appreciated by your husband, despite the fact that at your husband’s request, you have assumed the role of a full-time housewife.

In my opinion, your concerns are justifiable, because as a full-time homemaker who is completely financially dependent on your husband, such thoughts would pervade your mind. Perhaps this mental nudge is what you require to confirm if your husband has an estate plan in place. However, you must tread with caution to avoid being misunderstood.

Apart from finding a way to be financially productive yourself, even if it is through opening an investment portfolio that your husband can give you initial money for, start by letting your husband know that you are concerned about what could happen to you and his dependents if anything happens to him, particularly as you are not gainfully employed and are totally dependent on him financially. I believe this will set the tone for your husband to re-evaluate your current position as a full-time housewife. It would also prompt him to consider the options open to him toward planning his estate, including putting his will in place to determine how his assets will be distributed at the end of his life, and/or setting up a trust to cater for your welfare and that of other dependents.

I hope I have been able to help you out in some way.

Cheers,
Shade

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 30, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

QUEENETTE ENILAMA ADVOCATES FOR THE BOY CHILD IN NEW BOOK

‘

Stop Crying! You’re a boy.

Boys don’t cry!”

So, you think boys don’t need attention? Think again

The Affirmed Boy, is a book by Nigerian writer Queenette Enilama, that could change the way we raise our boys. At a time when the negative effects of social media and peer pressure, are wreaking havoc on the developmental process of the boy child, The Affirmed Boy is a book that gives boys an affirmation that they are enough and do not need to succumb to all the pressure to belong.

They can be positive influencers and immune to negative influence. Each page contains a unique lesson, in the form of an affirmation, that tackles a specific challenge in the life of a growing boy. Following the declaration of the affirmation, there is a supporting biblical scripture and a short but boy-tailored prayer, he would love to say. The affirmation page is followed by a Notes page where the reader can write thoughts and feelings about the lesson learned that day. Each page is colorful, with images to enhance its aesthetic value and make for a pleasurable read. At the end of the book, the affirmed boy would have begun to discover himself and develop self-awareness, self-worth and self-confidence, as well as, a well-rounded and emotionally sound.

The Affirmed Boy is a daily companion developmental book for boys between the ages of 6 and 14 years.

The Affirmed Boy is published by TAF PUBLISHING VENTURES Published: 18/05/2019 Available online at https://paystack.com/pay/affirmationforboys or you can pay into Zenith Bank account 2008632045, then send request, with proof of payment to WhatsApp at the number listed below. Queenette Enilama is a writer, certified Emotional Intelligence Coach and Co-Founder of the “NoBoyLeftBehind” Initiative, with a contagious passion for the boy child. She has written several stories, reviewed on a number of online platforms and is set to launch a series of E-books in the coming months. Her No Boys Left Behind initiative, trains, and grooms young boys and teenagers into excellent young men, with a different and responsible perspective on society. For more information about The Affirmed Boy, or to schedule an interview, with Queenette, please contact her on 09096780595 or email her at qenilama@gmail.com

In self development May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

RIHANNA’S DEBUT FENTY COLLECTION WAS INSPIRED BY THE ‘BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL’ MOVEMENT

Rihanna’s luxury clothing line Fenty is the first luxury line helmed by a woman of color at fashion conglomerate Louis Vuitton Moet Hennessy (LVMH). Accordingly, Rihanna took that groundbreaking spirit and infused it into every detail of Fenty’s first collection.

In conversation with Vogue UK, Rihanna spoke about the campaign’s imagery,which draws inspiration from the 1960s Black Is Beautiful movement. In the images, Rihanna takes us to history class, as she juxtaposed her models directly against vintage photographs by Kwame Brathwaite. In the 1950s and 60s, Kwame was a photographer who documented the cultural richness of Harlem’s African-American community. He also organized pageants to celebrate Black beauty; the pageants were so successful that they ran for five years and inspired the term Black is Beautiful.

“When I was coming up with the concept for this release, we were just digging and digging and we came up with these images,” Rihanna told Vogue UK. “They made me feel they were relevant to what we are doing right now,” adding that she received permission for Kwame (who is now 81) to use the images. “It was a really strange and powerful parallel.”

That parallel plays out in the stark campaign images. Using Kwame’s photos of the Grandassa models — a group of pageant models and activists who promoted the Black is Beautiful idea — Rihanna tied together historical depictions of Black women and the Fenty aesthetic. In one image, Nomsa Brathwaite (Kwame’s sister-in-law) wears a headwrap and a long chandelier earring; next to her, Rihanna’s models play together in white power suits, wearing rhyming earrings.

Ultimately, the campaign serves as a necessary reminder that, at one time, Black beauty was not widely promoted or accepted as activists had to fight for visibility and acceptance of African-American features and styling. Even today, beauty diversity is still nowhere close to where it needs to be — though Rihanna, through her makeup and clothing, has been instrumental in encouraging accessibility in the fashion industry.

Still, Rihanna is careful to explain that while her clothes embrace the legacy of black creatives, they aren’t necessarily meant to be political themselves. “Well, I don’t know if it’s political so much as embracing the fact that people should be more aware,” she said. “But definitely, we want people to see the parallels between what was then and what this is now, in a modern way.” And Fenty’s clothes are definitely modern, with their sharp tailoring and monochromatic colors.

Credit: Teen Vogue

In self development May 30, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET BABY SAYBIE, WORLD’S TINIEST SURVIVING BABY

A California hospital on Wednesday disclosed the birth of the world’s smallest baby ever to survive, weighing a mere 245 grams (8.6 ounces) — the same as a large apple — when she was born.

In this picture received by AFP from Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women & Newborns on May 29, 2019, shows a nurse holding baby Saybie, the world’s smallest surviving newborn, on the day she was released from the NICU in San Diego, California – /AFP

The girl, nicknamed Saybie by hospital staff, was born 23 weeks and three days into her mother’s pregnancy at Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women and Newborns in San Diego.

The father was told by doctors that he would have about an hour with his daughter before she passed away.

“But that hour turned into two hours which turned into a day, which turned into a week,” the mother said in a video released by the hospital.

Doctors said Saybie was delivered via emergency cesarean section in December after severe pregnancy complications that put her mother’s life at risk.

After nearly five months at the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, she was discharged home earlier this month weighing a healthy five pounds and sporting a graduation cap.

“She is a miracle, that’s for sure,” said Kim Norby, one of the nurses who cared for Saybie as she fought to survive with a sign that read “tiny but mighty” posted by her crib.

Emma Wiest, another nurse, said Saybie was so tiny at birth that “you could barely see her on the bed.”

At birth, she weighed as much as a child’s juice box and could fit in the palm of the hands of her caretakers.

“I’d heard that we had such a tiny baby and it sounded unbelievable because I mean she’s about half of the weight as a normal 23-weaker,” Wiest said.

Saybie’s ranking as the world’s tiniest baby ever to survive is according to the Tiniest Babies Registry, maintained by the University of Iowa.

The previous record was held by a baby born in Germany in 2015 who weighed seven grams more than Saybie.

“Every life is a miracle — those that defy the odds even more so,” Edward Bell, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Iowa who oversees the Registry, told AFP.

Credit: pulse.ng

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

ELLEN DEGENERES REVEALS SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HER STEPFATHER WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER

Ellen DeGeneres has opened up about being sexually assaulted by her mum’s husband when she was a teenager.

In her upcoming interview on David Letterman‘s My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, the popular TV host reportedly spoke about her mother, Betty, marrying a “very bad man” when DeGeneres was a teenager.

According to Entertainment Tonight, DeGeneres explains that at the time, her mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and had one of her breasts removed. She said her stepfather used this information to sexually assault her.

“He told me when she was out of town that he’d felt a lump in her breast and needed to feel my breasts because he didn’t want to upset her, but he needed to feel mine,” she tells Letterman.
“I’m angry at myself because, you know, I didn’t — I was too weak to stand up to — I was 15 or 16,” she continues. “It’s a really horrible, horrible story and the only reason I’m actually going to go into detail about it is because I want other girls to not ever let someone do that.”

According to ET, DeGeneres says she hopes her story will inspire other victims of sexual assault to come forward.

“We [women] just don’t feel like we’re worthy, or we’re scared to have a voice, and we’re scared to say no,” she says. “That’s the only reason I think it’s important to talk about it because there’s so many young girls and it doesn’t matter how old you are. When I see people speaking out, especially now, it angers me when victims aren’t believed, because we just don’t make stuff up. And I like men, but there are so many men that get away with so much.”
“It is just time for us to have a voice,” she adds. “It’s time for us to have power.”

The 61-year-old first shared her story in an interview with Allure in 2005, revealing that after her mother’s mastectomy, her stepfather told her: “He thinks he feels a lump in (my mother’s) other breast, but he doesn’t want to alarm her so he needs to feel mine to make sure.”

DeGeneres, who did not name the man or specify how long the abuse lasted but told Allure he had since died, said he “made me lie down because he said he felt her breast while she was lying down.”

“I had to kick a window out and escape and sleep in a hospital all night long,” she recalled.

Credit: LIB

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN PHOTOGRAPHER, RUTH OSSAI SHOOTS RIHANNA’S UPCOMING FENTY CAMPAIGN

On the 10th of May, singer-turned-entrepreneur, Rihanna made history, becoming the first woman to launch an original brand at the LVMH luxury goods collective, which is home to brands such as Givenchy, Dior, Louis Vuitton, and now Fenty Maison.

While the brand debuted in Paris on Friday, the online global launch is still to come. To prepare us for the latest episode of Rihanna’s world domination, Fenty has been releasing a steady flow of sartorial images, shot by the talented Nigerian photographer, Ruth Ossai.

Speaking with The New York Times, who first aired the news of Rihanna’s latest business exploit, the LVMH chairman, Bernard Arnault said “to support Rihanna to start up the Fenty Maison, we have built a talented and multicultural team…” of which Ruth Ossai seems to be a member.

Ruth Ossai has an incredibly unique photography style, comprising of animated backdrops and textured mats for her distinctive sets, which have now appeared on Fenty’s Instagram story, as they tease their upcoming campaign.

(Photo: Fenty/Instagram)

Last week, Fenty aired behind the scenes footage of another campaign. Using a variety of different scenes for the set design, some of the landscapes behind the Fenty-clad models looked surprisingly familiar, with Lagos and potentially other parts of Nigeria being used for the backdrops.

Watch the Fenty teaser video below:

Credit: konbini.com

In self development May 27, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHUKWUNETA OBY: THEY ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM….

The lady that reached out to me touched on an issue that I consider ‘crucial’ in the life of woman. A phenomenon that, if unchecked, has rendered countless women emotional wrecks and succeeded in making them a shadow of themselves.
Read our lady, first:

“When I came across a part of your article that says that most women are naturally prone to feeling insecure, especially in relationships, I said to myself, ‘I can relate to this.’

Please, this is me sharing my personal experience and what I consider my weakness with you.

I had a “live-in” child minder that’s almost at the tail end of her teenage years.

She has a habit of moisturising her body after her usual night bath. The funny thing is the fragrance of her body cream is easily perceived all over the house. One cheap cream that I bought for her o!

Do you know that ‘yours sincerely’ also began to use body spray –before going to bed? Something I never used to do…besides my regular perfume that I use, when going out.

My poor husband apparently didn’t care about what was going on. He felt that my latest effort was a signal for “romance mood.” Little did he know that a growing girl’s harmless beauty regimen has made me to start protecting my territory.

I laugh at myself now, but it wasn’t funny then. As the days went by, it would seem like my insecurity around the girl deepened. Especially, after a colleague said: “Is this beautiful girl your house girl?’’

I began to read meanings into every move she made. When she served my husband …I would begin to analyse the motive behind her gesture and scrutinise her body language or the tone of voice she used when interacting with my husband. Even her wears were a problem. Clothes sit well on her, thanks to her physique.

Then came the moment of realisation.

My aunt that brought her came to the house one day, asking if the girl has wronged me in any way. Apparently, the girl wanted my aunt to make me tell her what she has done wrong. So that she could apologise…since she couldn’t think of any.

That encounter opened my eyes to how far I drove a girl that was once like a daughter to me… no thanks to my insecurity. I remember the days I would not leave the house until my husband left first. And I would end up getting to work late.

Why? So they wouldn’t get an opportunity to interact. Is it the times I would deliberately close at a “non-closing hour” and then hang by the door…with my ears tightly pressed to it, in case ‘something’ was happening?

Yet, I should be the first to tell whoever cares to listen that my husband is one-of-a-kind…when it comes to such.

But when INSECURITY sets in…I tossed my convictions about the man that I have known since my teenage years into the garbage. I also remember the look of fright I saw on her face on the day that I raised my voice at her.

The issue at hand didn’t actually warrant that but only me knew that that aggression was brought on by how ‘unattractive’ her young, well-shaped body was making me feel.

I woke up one day and decided that, Blessing (that’s her name) wasn’t my problem. So, I sent her packing…with more than enough money to go enroll in a fashion design academy.

That has always been her passion.

I did apologise for the strange woman that I had become to her. She deserves better. I realised that any other woman out there would still pose a problem (threat) to me, if I didn’t work on myself. I am still a work in progress.

The important thing, however, is recognising that the problem is me, and not necessarily other women!”

FROM OBY…

Yeah, the times are DESPERATE! But sometimes, it’s not about the wiles of other women. Most of us are plagued with acute insecurity. And would still act up even in the most innocent of circumstances.

There are women to whom the only offence a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful, famous (this one is a given!) or better dressed.

While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a “husband snatcher” is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or a widow. Sisters, other women are not your problem!

I mean, with an insecure woman…ANYBODY is a threat! You see, the mind of an insecure person is a fertile ground for unwholesome thoughts. Even a harmless compliment can plant ideas in their head.

Yes, protect your territory but more importantly…attune your mindset.

It could all be in your mind…you know?

Credit: Guardian Woman, Chukwuneta Oby

Photo Credit: google.com

In self development May 24, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS TERRIFIED I WOULD LOSE THIS BABY”… AMERICAN TV HOST, TAMRON HALL ON HAVING A BABY AT AGE 48

American television host Tamron Hall is opening up about giving birth at 48 and some of the complications she face.

Tamron and her son Moses, whom she welcomed on April 24 with her husband Steven Greener, appears on the cover of this week’s PEOPLE magazine.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side,” Tamron Hall tells PEOPLE, saying Moses’ birth was worth every bit of time, effort and patience it took.

Before Moses’ birth, Tamron wasn’t so sure his arrival was even possible.

“I was high-risk, not just because of my age, but there were other medical factors too,” she said.

Tamron revealed she was pregnant in March when the pregnancy was 32 weeks.

“My doctor said, ‘This is your body, your health. You share of your journey what you want to share.’ I was terrified I would lose this baby and I would have to go back and tell everyone that now it was bad news, and after this pregnancy had gone so far,” she recalls

“I just wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with that,” she continues. “That’s why I waited. And trust me — if I could’ve gone the whole way to delivery, I would’ve.”

Tamron also opened up about trying fertility treatments in her 30s, which failed, and she tried again in her 40s.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side. When I tried in my 30s, I still felt like I had some time, and the fertility clinic felt like a bright room. In my 40s I saw all the gray: The faces looked gray, the walls were gray, nothing seemed shiny and optimistic.”

“Just like with my job search during that time, there were so many frustrations: I’m putting in the work, I’m taking care of my mind and my body and I’m being rejected,” she continues. “I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute. What have I done wrong here?’ Somehow, like Rocky, I kept getting up.”

On the career front, Tamron is getting ready to host her own syndicated talk show, set to premiere on September 9. She had left her spot on NBC’s Todayshow in February 2017.

“When I left NBC, I said, ‘I look forward to the next chapter.’ People assumed that I meant work, and I did, but by the third month I knew that my life had to be about something bigger than work.

“My story is not one I could’ve ever expected. Two and a half years ago when I walked out of that NBC building, I was in a fog, not knowing that so many of us lose things we think are important, and we have no idea that something better is right there.

“I’m from the South, and there’s a saying: ‘It’s not a setback; it’s a setup for something else.’ That loss set me up for, yes, a dream job but also my baby, my husband, my family. I just couldn’t see it coming,” she says.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 22, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET THE 3 KENYAN WOMEN IN FASHION COLLABORATING FOR THE CULTURE

In 2009, Nelly Tuikong was a nurse in America but there was something tugging at her heart about makeup for the African woman.

Her entrepreneurial instincts kicked in after looking around stores for makeup that suited her African skin and didn’t find any.

With no prior knowledge in manufacturing makeup, but armed with a passion, Nelly started her journey that birthed Pauline Cosmetics (named after her mother) after three years of learning, research, and trials.

Pauline Cosmetics is a makeup brand that designs, develops and manufactures makeup products with the African woman in mind.

The brand has now grown to become an established makeup brand with a line of lipstick, lip-gloss, eye shadow, and mascara.

Enter Caroline Mutoko, a celebrated renowned media personality, a woman of her own caliber.

With more than 20 years of experience in the media, her name speaks for her in the Kenyan entertainment industry. Caroline Mutoko also has a YouTube channel where she takes the spotlight that is on her and shines it on you.

In 2017, she was featuring Kenyan women who were making strides and shattering glass ceilings on her YouTube channel. One of these women happened to be Nelly Tuikong of Pauline Cosmetics.

In November 2018, Caroline Mutoko challenged Nelly to work with her to come up with a lipstick line for all the women who are ‘becoming, women in different spaces and phases of their lives and for every woman in you. This brought about the I AM limited edition lipstick.

To add more synergy to this powerful collaboration, these two amazing women, Pauline, and Caroline Mutoko, didn’t just stop there.

They collaborated with Wandia Gichuru of Vivo Woman to distribute the limited edition lipstick in 8 of the Vivo Woman stores in Nairobi. Wandia Gichuru has rewritten the narrative of modern day fashion.

She founded Vivo active wear in 2011 to offer comfortable casual wear for the sporty woman and official clothing for the professional woman.

Here are the 5 things I have learned from the partnership of these three glamorous women.

1. Collaborate instead of compete

An African proverb says “If you want to go fast if you want to go far, go together”.

Nothing is better than working with other women who get your perspective and challenges you face as a woman in business.

2. Have a defined purpose and vision

When you have every partner pulling in different directions, there is bound to be no progress. To collaborate, you need to have a clear and shared vision and an agreed direction on how to achieve it.

3. Bring a unique value

Each partner should bring a differentiating factor into the equation. This helps to ensure that you do not view each other as competition.

4. Have mutual benefits

The partnership should be beneficial to all partners. This removes the perception that one person is bearing a bigger load than the other.

5. There is room for more than one queen

There is no winner takes all award in entrepreneurship. As women, we need to get over this attitude and view women as a community to help each other grow and not competition.

“My advice to girls is always this: Be supportive of each other. I can’t say this enough. We have to be our best friends, each other. That means we cannot be catty, we cannot compete and see one person’s failure as our success.
We can all rise together, we can all win!
We’re sometimes taught in our societies that we have to compete and we have to hold each other back in order for one of us to succeed.
That is not true. We need each other.
And all over the world, we have to be a team of women and girls who love each other and value each other and cherish one another.
Because if we don’t cherish each other, no one else will,” – Michelle Obama

Credit: sheleadsafrica.org

In self development May 21, 2019 By Women of Rubies

JADA PINKETT OPENS UP ON HER PAST ADDICTION TO PORN

In a new episode of Red Table Talk, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about her past addiction to porn, at a point in her life when she was trying to practice abstinence.

The 47-year-old actress explained:

I wasn’t in a relationship when I had a porn addiction, believe it or not, thank goodness…I actually feel like I was using ‘addiction’ a little lightly. And maybe I’ll say now that I had an unhealthy relationship to porn at one point in my life where I was trying to practice abstinence. It was actually like filling an emptiness, at least you think it is…It gives you false expectations as far as sexual interaction. I can definitely see with men: how a woman should always be willing and ready, he should be able to have sex however he wants anywhere and any position, anywhere, and you should enjoy it no matter what.

While talking to her daughter Willow and mother Adrienne, Jada also went on to discuss the detrimental effects of porn on a person’s career and personal relationships.

Watch below.

Credit: Bella Naija

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