self development Archives

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

ELLEN DEGENERES REVEALS SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HER STEPFATHER WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER

Ellen DeGeneres has opened up about being sexually assaulted by her mum’s husband when she was a teenager.

In her upcoming interview on David Letterman‘s My Next Guest Needs No Introduction, the popular TV host reportedly spoke about her mother, Betty, marrying a “very bad man” when DeGeneres was a teenager.

According to Entertainment Tonight, DeGeneres explains that at the time, her mother had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and had one of her breasts removed. She said her stepfather used this information to sexually assault her.

“He told me when she was out of town that he’d felt a lump in her breast and needed to feel my breasts because he didn’t want to upset her, but he needed to feel mine,” she tells Letterman.
“I’m angry at myself because, you know, I didn’t — I was too weak to stand up to — I was 15 or 16,” she continues. “It’s a really horrible, horrible story and the only reason I’m actually going to go into detail about it is because I want other girls to not ever let someone do that.”

According to ET, DeGeneres says she hopes her story will inspire other victims of sexual assault to come forward.

“We [women] just don’t feel like we’re worthy, or we’re scared to have a voice, and we’re scared to say no,” she says. “That’s the only reason I think it’s important to talk about it because there’s so many young girls and it doesn’t matter how old you are. When I see people speaking out, especially now, it angers me when victims aren’t believed, because we just don’t make stuff up. And I like men, but there are so many men that get away with so much.”
“It is just time for us to have a voice,” she adds. “It’s time for us to have power.”

The 61-year-old first shared her story in an interview with Allure in 2005, revealing that after her mother’s mastectomy, her stepfather told her: “He thinks he feels a lump in (my mother’s) other breast, but he doesn’t want to alarm her so he needs to feel mine to make sure.”

DeGeneres, who did not name the man or specify how long the abuse lasted but told Allure he had since died, said he “made me lie down because he said he felt her breast while she was lying down.”

“I had to kick a window out and escape and sleep in a hospital all night long,” she recalled.

Credit: LIB

In self development May 29, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN PHOTOGRAPHER, RUTH OSSAI SHOOTS RIHANNA’S UPCOMING FENTY CAMPAIGN

On the 10th of May, singer-turned-entrepreneur, Rihanna made history, becoming the first woman to launch an original brand at the LVMH luxury goods collective, which is home to brands such as Givenchy, Dior, Louis Vuitton, and now Fenty Maison.

While the brand debuted in Paris on Friday, the online global launch is still to come. To prepare us for the latest episode of Rihanna’s world domination, Fenty has been releasing a steady flow of sartorial images, shot by the talented Nigerian photographer, Ruth Ossai.

Speaking with The New York Times, who first aired the news of Rihanna’s latest business exploit, the LVMH chairman, Bernard Arnault said “to support Rihanna to start up the Fenty Maison, we have built a talented and multicultural team…” of which Ruth Ossai seems to be a member.

Ruth Ossai has an incredibly unique photography style, comprising of animated backdrops and textured mats for her distinctive sets, which have now appeared on Fenty’s Instagram story, as they tease their upcoming campaign.

(Photo: Fenty/Instagram)

Last week, Fenty aired behind the scenes footage of another campaign. Using a variety of different scenes for the set design, some of the landscapes behind the Fenty-clad models looked surprisingly familiar, with Lagos and potentially other parts of Nigeria being used for the backdrops.

Watch the Fenty teaser video below:

Credit: konbini.com

In self development May 27, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHUKWUNETA OBY: THEY ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM….

The lady that reached out to me touched on an issue that I consider ‘crucial’ in the life of woman. A phenomenon that, if unchecked, has rendered countless women emotional wrecks and succeeded in making them a shadow of themselves.
Read our lady, first:

“When I came across a part of your article that says that most women are naturally prone to feeling insecure, especially in relationships, I said to myself, ‘I can relate to this.’

Please, this is me sharing my personal experience and what I consider my weakness with you.

I had a “live-in” child minder that’s almost at the tail end of her teenage years.

She has a habit of moisturising her body after her usual night bath. The funny thing is the fragrance of her body cream is easily perceived all over the house. One cheap cream that I bought for her o!

Do you know that ‘yours sincerely’ also began to use body spray –before going to bed? Something I never used to do…besides my regular perfume that I use, when going out.

My poor husband apparently didn’t care about what was going on. He felt that my latest effort was a signal for “romance mood.” Little did he know that a growing girl’s harmless beauty regimen has made me to start protecting my territory.

I laugh at myself now, but it wasn’t funny then. As the days went by, it would seem like my insecurity around the girl deepened. Especially, after a colleague said: “Is this beautiful girl your house girl?’’

I began to read meanings into every move she made. When she served my husband …I would begin to analyse the motive behind her gesture and scrutinise her body language or the tone of voice she used when interacting with my husband. Even her wears were a problem. Clothes sit well on her, thanks to her physique.

Then came the moment of realisation.

My aunt that brought her came to the house one day, asking if the girl has wronged me in any way. Apparently, the girl wanted my aunt to make me tell her what she has done wrong. So that she could apologise…since she couldn’t think of any.

That encounter opened my eyes to how far I drove a girl that was once like a daughter to me… no thanks to my insecurity. I remember the days I would not leave the house until my husband left first. And I would end up getting to work late.

Why? So they wouldn’t get an opportunity to interact. Is it the times I would deliberately close at a “non-closing hour” and then hang by the door…with my ears tightly pressed to it, in case ‘something’ was happening?

Yet, I should be the first to tell whoever cares to listen that my husband is one-of-a-kind…when it comes to such.

But when INSECURITY sets in…I tossed my convictions about the man that I have known since my teenage years into the garbage. I also remember the look of fright I saw on her face on the day that I raised my voice at her.

The issue at hand didn’t actually warrant that but only me knew that that aggression was brought on by how ‘unattractive’ her young, well-shaped body was making me feel.

I woke up one day and decided that, Blessing (that’s her name) wasn’t my problem. So, I sent her packing…with more than enough money to go enroll in a fashion design academy.

That has always been her passion.

I did apologise for the strange woman that I had become to her. She deserves better. I realised that any other woman out there would still pose a problem (threat) to me, if I didn’t work on myself. I am still a work in progress.

The important thing, however, is recognising that the problem is me, and not necessarily other women!”

FROM OBY…

Yeah, the times are DESPERATE! But sometimes, it’s not about the wiles of other women. Most of us are plagued with acute insecurity. And would still act up even in the most innocent of circumstances.

There are women to whom the only offence a fellow woman can ever commit is being younger, beautiful, famous (this one is a given!) or better dressed.

While to other women, the only thing that qualifies a fellow woman as a “husband snatcher” is her marital status…as a single lady, single mum, divorcee or a widow. Sisters, other women are not your problem!

I mean, with an insecure woman…ANYBODY is a threat! You see, the mind of an insecure person is a fertile ground for unwholesome thoughts. Even a harmless compliment can plant ideas in their head.

Yes, protect your territory but more importantly…attune your mindset.

It could all be in your mind…you know?

Credit: Guardian Woman, Chukwuneta Oby

Photo Credit: google.com

In self development May 24, 2019 By Women of Rubies

“I WAS TERRIFIED I WOULD LOSE THIS BABY”… AMERICAN TV HOST, TAMRON HALL ON HAVING A BABY AT AGE 48

American television host Tamron Hall is opening up about giving birth at 48 and some of the complications she face.

Tamron and her son Moses, whom she welcomed on April 24 with her husband Steven Greener, appears on the cover of this week’s PEOPLE magazine.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side,” Tamron Hall tells PEOPLE, saying Moses’ birth was worth every bit of time, effort and patience it took.

Before Moses’ birth, Tamron wasn’t so sure his arrival was even possible.

“I was high-risk, not just because of my age, but there were other medical factors too,” she said.

Tamron revealed she was pregnant in March when the pregnancy was 32 weeks.

“My doctor said, ‘This is your body, your health. You share of your journey what you want to share.’ I was terrified I would lose this baby and I would have to go back and tell everyone that now it was bad news, and after this pregnancy had gone so far,” she recalls

“I just wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with that,” she continues. “That’s why I waited. And trust me — if I could’ve gone the whole way to delivery, I would’ve.”

Tamron also opened up about trying fertility treatments in her 30s, which failed, and she tried again in her 40s.

“I knew that the clock was not on my side. When I tried in my 30s, I still felt like I had some time, and the fertility clinic felt like a bright room. In my 40s I saw all the gray: The faces looked gray, the walls were gray, nothing seemed shiny and optimistic.”

“Just like with my job search during that time, there were so many frustrations: I’m putting in the work, I’m taking care of my mind and my body and I’m being rejected,” she continues. “I’m thinking, ‘Wait a minute. What have I done wrong here?’ Somehow, like Rocky, I kept getting up.”

On the career front, Tamron is getting ready to host her own syndicated talk show, set to premiere on September 9. She had left her spot on NBC’s Todayshow in February 2017.

“When I left NBC, I said, ‘I look forward to the next chapter.’ People assumed that I meant work, and I did, but by the third month I knew that my life had to be about something bigger than work.

“My story is not one I could’ve ever expected. Two and a half years ago when I walked out of that NBC building, I was in a fog, not knowing that so many of us lose things we think are important, and we have no idea that something better is right there.

“I’m from the South, and there’s a saying: ‘It’s not a setback; it’s a setup for something else.’ That loss set me up for, yes, a dream job but also my baby, my husband, my family. I just couldn’t see it coming,” she says.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 22, 2019 By Women of Rubies

MEET THE 3 KENYAN WOMEN IN FASHION COLLABORATING FOR THE CULTURE

In 2009, Nelly Tuikong was a nurse in America but there was something tugging at her heart about makeup for the African woman.

Her entrepreneurial instincts kicked in after looking around stores for makeup that suited her African skin and didn’t find any.

With no prior knowledge in manufacturing makeup, but armed with a passion, Nelly started her journey that birthed Pauline Cosmetics (named after her mother) after three years of learning, research, and trials.

Pauline Cosmetics is a makeup brand that designs, develops and manufactures makeup products with the African woman in mind.

The brand has now grown to become an established makeup brand with a line of lipstick, lip-gloss, eye shadow, and mascara.

Enter Caroline Mutoko, a celebrated renowned media personality, a woman of her own caliber.

With more than 20 years of experience in the media, her name speaks for her in the Kenyan entertainment industry. Caroline Mutoko also has a YouTube channel where she takes the spotlight that is on her and shines it on you.

In 2017, she was featuring Kenyan women who were making strides and shattering glass ceilings on her YouTube channel. One of these women happened to be Nelly Tuikong of Pauline Cosmetics.

In November 2018, Caroline Mutoko challenged Nelly to work with her to come up with a lipstick line for all the women who are ‘becoming, women in different spaces and phases of their lives and for every woman in you. This brought about the I AM limited edition lipstick.

To add more synergy to this powerful collaboration, these two amazing women, Pauline, and Caroline Mutoko, didn’t just stop there.

They collaborated with Wandia Gichuru of Vivo Woman to distribute the limited edition lipstick in 8 of the Vivo Woman stores in Nairobi. Wandia Gichuru has rewritten the narrative of modern day fashion.

She founded Vivo active wear in 2011 to offer comfortable casual wear for the sporty woman and official clothing for the professional woman.

Here are the 5 things I have learned from the partnership of these three glamorous women.

1. Collaborate instead of compete

An African proverb says “If you want to go fast if you want to go far, go together”.

Nothing is better than working with other women who get your perspective and challenges you face as a woman in business.

2. Have a defined purpose and vision

When you have every partner pulling in different directions, there is bound to be no progress. To collaborate, you need to have a clear and shared vision and an agreed direction on how to achieve it.

3. Bring a unique value

Each partner should bring a differentiating factor into the equation. This helps to ensure that you do not view each other as competition.

4. Have mutual benefits

The partnership should be beneficial to all partners. This removes the perception that one person is bearing a bigger load than the other.

5. There is room for more than one queen

There is no winner takes all award in entrepreneurship. As women, we need to get over this attitude and view women as a community to help each other grow and not competition.

“My advice to girls is always this: Be supportive of each other. I can’t say this enough. We have to be our best friends, each other. That means we cannot be catty, we cannot compete and see one person’s failure as our success.
We can all rise together, we can all win!
We’re sometimes taught in our societies that we have to compete and we have to hold each other back in order for one of us to succeed.
That is not true. We need each other.
And all over the world, we have to be a team of women and girls who love each other and value each other and cherish one another.
Because if we don’t cherish each other, no one else will,” – Michelle Obama

Credit: sheleadsafrica.org

In self development May 21, 2019 By Women of Rubies

JADA PINKETT OPENS UP ON HER PAST ADDICTION TO PORN

In a new episode of Red Table Talk, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about her past addiction to porn, at a point in her life when she was trying to practice abstinence.

The 47-year-old actress explained:

I wasn’t in a relationship when I had a porn addiction, believe it or not, thank goodness…I actually feel like I was using ‘addiction’ a little lightly. And maybe I’ll say now that I had an unhealthy relationship to porn at one point in my life where I was trying to practice abstinence. It was actually like filling an emptiness, at least you think it is…It gives you false expectations as far as sexual interaction. I can definitely see with men: how a woman should always be willing and ready, he should be able to have sex however he wants anywhere and any position, anywhere, and you should enjoy it no matter what.

While talking to her daughter Willow and mother Adrienne, Jada also went on to discuss the detrimental effects of porn on a person’s career and personal relationships.

Watch below.

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

CHIMAMANDA ADICHIE HONORED WITH DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF HUMANE LETTERS AT GEORGETOWN COLLEGE

Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie served as a speaker and honorary degree recipient for the 2019 Georgetown College Commencement ceremonies this weekend, on May 18.

After speaking at the commencement ceremony, Chimamanda received the doctor of humane letters, honoris causa degree.

She also holds the same degree from Johns Hopkins, Haverford College, the University of Edinburgh, and Amherst College.

Georgetown College Dean, Chris Celenza, says:

“We are so proud to have Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie join us for the 2019 College Commencement. Her fiction and non-fiction works have spoken to countless people about the value, the power, and the meaningfulness of differences. In doing so, she has taught us all about the full dimensions of humanity.”

See more photos from the event below.

Photo Credit: @chimamanda_adichie

Credit: Bella Naija

In self development May 20, 2019 By Women of Rubies

NIGERIAN WOMAN, OLUWATOBI AL-BAKARE BECOMES 2ND LIEUTENANT OF THE US ARMY

Nigerian woman identified as Oluwatobi Al-Bakare has become a Second Lieutenant of the United States Army. The woman was commissioned on Thursday, May 16.

Her success story was shared on Twitter by her husband, Olatunde Bakare. Olatunde Bakare had taken to Twitter to celebrate his beautiful wife for her accomplishment at the United States Army.

The husband shared photos of his wife dressed in her official army uniform as she gets commissioned at the student center ballroom A in Bowie State University in George’s County, Maryland. The woman was celebrated by her husband who showed her off on social media.

The spring 2019 commissioning ceremony had taken place around 1:00pm. Bakare celebrated his wife and congratulated her in his tweet.

He said: “My amazing wife @TobyAlmaroof will be commissioning today as a Second Lieutenant of the United States Army. Couldn’t be prouder of her accomplishments. Congratulations baby girl.”

The woman is also a hijab wearing army officer.

Source: Oluwatobi Saudat Almaroof-Bakare

In self development May 20, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

YEWANDE JINADU: THESE 9 TIPS WILL HELP YOU GET YOUR WORK WEEK STARTED WITH A BANG!

The ability to work effectively with others on a task involves learning to listen well, respecting the opinions of others, communicating effectively and embracing each other’s strength to accomplish a goal.

So you just got a new job and you’re wondering what to do to be successful on the job? This article seeks to address necessary skills you would need to be successful on a job regardless of the level of your role.

Ability to handle pressure

If you work in a fast paced environment, you’re most likely to work under extreme pressure. This means having to deal with constraints out of your control. Unexpected events or problems are bound to come up in the workplace, you should learn how to work well in these circumstances, so you don’t panic or lose sight of the job.

Collaboration/Team work

Most workplace environment involves relating to different kinds of people. The ability to work effectively with others on a task involves learning to listen well, respecting the opinions of others, communicating effectively and embracing each other’s strength to accomplish a goal.

Self-Management/Motivation

The ability to manage yourself to accomplish the required task is important for success on the role. No manager would like to manage someone that would need frequent hand holding. You need to take the initiative and be accountable for every success or failure. In a workplace where most employees are dissatisfied for various reasons which tend to affect productivity, self-motivation is an important skill to develop which gives you the strength to perform exceptionally.

Flexibility

The workplace is constantly changing and only people who are flexible enough to the changes will thrive. You have to be willing and able to adapt in order to meet individual and business needs.

Ability to accept criticism

Nobody is totally perfect, so there would be instances were colleagues and bosses would be direct with you and tell you as it is. Some may be emotionally intelligent to make it constructive while some may not be. Learn to take corrections and avoid justifying or making excuses. Learn from the mistakes and move on. Don’t weep over spilled milk.

Emotional intelligence

Fundamental aspects of emotional intelligence include empathy, self-awareness, social skills, self-regulation and motivation. Being emotionally intelligent helps you to understand your emotions, manage your emotions as well as manage other emotions.

Time management

This is an important skill to have, especially when there are numerous tasks within a limited time frame. One thing that has helped me is having a To-Do list. This helps me ensure that I am deliberate in all my activities. Google Calendar is a lifesaver, but most people think it’s too much stress to use it.

Every morning, I write down my tasks, set a timeline for myself, fix some on my calendar, leave some allowance for distractions and stick with it.

Also, learn to say no to things. Learn to prioritize; and most importantly, avoid unnecessary distractions that eat into your time.

Problem solving

Problems will definitely arise in the workplace and you were employed to solve a problem if not, you won’t be hired. For me, a star employee is someone that sees a solution in every problem. Have the mindset that nothing is impossible and work towards it. If you’re the kind of person that always goes back to their boss for issues when they arise, you may have a problem. Go with possible solutions and steps you have taken to address an issue.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 19, 2019 By Esther Ijewere

“DON’T EVER THINK THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE MORE INTELLIGENT OR BETTER THAN YOU ”- MO ABUDU

On a recent Instagram post, Mo Abudu shared tips on how we can overcome our fears and start achieving successes. Above all, the need to believe we are as important like the important people we look up to.

Read her note here

….. I have said it time and time again, IF YOUR DREAMS DO NOT SCARE YOU, THEN THEY ARE SIMPLY NOT BIG ENOUGH!!! Please be rest assured that FEAR is part of the process.

Often times fear is caused by a lack of preparation. Overcoming fear is about being prepared and mapping out your plan. This leads me to the most popular reason you all gave for not achieving your dreams–PROCRASTINATION!!!

I strongly believe FEAR AND PROCRASTINATION work hand in hand. Once you map out your plan and start to work your plan – taking it in baby steps or big leaps and jumps depending on how you approach things, you will start to see progress. This is where PROCRASTINATION ends!!! As I always say, “IF YOU CAN THINK IT – YOU CAN DO IT”.

The challenge is how many of us are moving beyond “thinking” – we have to get up and “Do It”. Please do not be fooled by thinking the most successful people in this world are more intelligent than you or better than you – the secret is that they get up and “do” everyday! Never giving up! Never getting tired! Never taking no for an answer. This is the key to success. So please start drawing up those plans now and start doing!#MoAbudu

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