self development Archives

In self development June 11, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Erelu Bisi Fayemi Donates N1M Empowerment Fund To Women Of Rubies

In celebration of her 57th Birthday, The First lady of Ekiti State; Erelu Bisi-Adeleye Fayemi donates N1m to Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children, through her Above Whispers “A Wrapper for Women Initiative.

The aim of the donation is to support Women in dire need during this uncertain time in the World, and alleviate their pain.

The Wrapper Network which started In October 2019 was inspired by a question she asked during her speech at a Women’s conference.

According to Her Excellency;

“Those wrappers symbolize solidarity, unity, love, protection, care and so on. If we want to be blessed as women in any way, Where is your wrapper? Where is your wrapper for the poor widow who is struggling to pay the fees of her children? Where is your wrapper for your wealthy but very sad friend who is experiencing domestic violence? Where was your wrapper when a woman told you she had been raped but you asked her what she was wearing?

In addition, a lot of women need help with modest contributions that could make all the difference. That is why I decided to start The Wrapper Network, for women who need a wrapper and for women who are prepared to give wrappers to other sisters. I am flagging it off with an initiative for some women entrepreneurs to mark my birthday on June 11^th. The Wrapper Network will be able to support up to 40 women with between N50,000-N200,000 for various businesses. I hope that the sisters who will benefit can go on to bless other sisters with a wrapper when things are good for them”.

We will be disbursing the funds in the next couple of days among 100 women; from the most vulnerable to the downtrodden, we will make sure these Women get a “Wrapper” of hope from this donation,and the names of the beneficiaries will be published for accountability.

We appreciate Erelu Bisi Fayemi for her kind gesture and we will make sure the funds gets to those who truly need it.

Happy Birthday to a wonderful Mentor, Encourager, Women lifter, Wrapper Giver, A woman above Whispers, an enigma of hope and purpose. We celebrate you today and always.

Esther Ijewere

Founder, Rubies Ink Initiative for Women and Children & Editor-In-Chief; Women of Rubies

In self development June 11, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

7 Ways Employers Can Support Their Staff’s Mental Health Remotely

Many reports and predictions during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic show that there is a silent wave we must fight off–the mental health wave.

Because of the effects of the coronavirus, global-scale lockdowns, and quarantines, people have become prone to anxiety, depression, and even suicide, especially in the wake of a global recession and mass layoffs. And with 90% of minority businesses locked out of the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP), there can be added worries and concerns among employees.

For businesses that now work remotely, it can be even more challenging to become a champion for employees’ mental health. But it doesn’t take much effort to do so. All employers need to do is follow these 10 tips to support your remote employees’ mental health.

7 Tips to Support Mental Health of Remote Employees

1. Do regular face-to-face check-ins

In this 2020 State Remote Work report, loneliness is still ranked as one of the biggest challenges that a remote worker faces in their everyday life. In the United States, loneliness is considered an epidemic– and the risks are heightened when people are discouraged from going outside amidst a global pandemic.

So one way to show remote workers you’re there for them? Doing regular non-work-related check-ins.

Use your online collaboration tools to schedule a time to meet, either one-on-one or as a group. Strike a balance between checking in with employees individually and as a team.

If you’ve never done this regularly, it may be a little awkward at first. So, ease everyone in with some virtual icebreakers to lighten the mood and get everyone out of work mode.

2. Offer added benefits and perks

Can you perhaps offer additional benefits or perks for employees during these trying times? Some employers are now considering health plans that include mental health services for employees to enjoy– and it can be a good benefit to add if you can’t hand out raises as often as before.

If changing your company health plan isn’t an option, you can give smaller, one-time perks instead. For example, help your remote team build their dream productive workspace at home by subsidizing expenses for certain office supplies or equipment.

3. Send a mental health survey

Sometimes employees can’t open up about their mental health concerns in a virtual meeting. Some might find it easier to evaluate their wellbeing if they’re sent a guided survey or form to express where they’re struggling.

A mental health survey tells you as the employer where you can support your employees more in a very specific way. Encourage employees to be very honest when answering this survey, especially if it means it will help you support them emotionally and mentally in and out of work.

4. Encourage employees to take leaves from work

Sometimes remote employees may feel they aren’t entitled to take leaves because they already work from home and have greater flexibility. But everyone needs to take a break from work, even for a few days. Encourage employees to take their paid leaves or apply for unpaid leave whenever needed.

An effective way to encourage employees to do this? Model the behavior yourself: take leaves from work and show employees that rest is an essential part of their work lives.

5. Share mental health resources in a dedicated newsletter or channel

Sometimes sharing resources like articles or videos about mental health are enough to show employees you’re thinking about their wellbeing. Regularly send new resources to help them manage stress, reduce anxiety, or get over relatable work issues like being “always on” or being afraid of taking breaks from work.

Share these in a dedicated Slack channel for mental health, so everyone knows where to find them. Or send them in a company newsletter each week.

5. Create a company exercise calendar

There are strong links that support physical exercise being one of the most effective ways to alleviate stress and boost the spirit. As a business owner, try to find ways to get everyone to stay active, even if they’re stuck at home.

One fun way to do this is creating a company exercise calendar, or scheduling different physical activities anyone can do. For example, you can schedule a weekly dance party or invite instructors for a fun company yoga session online.

6. Express gratitude often

Gratitude is one of the only things you can give away without losing anything in return. And when it comes to your employees, expressing gratitude can help boost morale and make them feel appreciated.

Work gets stressful for everybody, but you should still reward good work and employee presence with praise. Thank everyone individually for their contributions and even praise teams for jobs well done in public Slack channels or company newsletters.

7. Put up extracurriculars and team-building activities

Give employees something to look forward to each week or month with extracurriculars they can join outside work. Encourage teams to start book or film clubs, get everyone together for a team talent show, or just have a good time playing virtual games with each other.

You can even encourage ownership of these tasks by getting volunteers to manage these activities. It can be a great way to empower employees to contribute in ways outside work and really highlight their personal strengths.

8. Host or sponsor mental health seminars

Try inviting mental health coaches to come aboard one day and give intimate seminars to the company. This can be a space for your remote employees to talk to real professionals in the mental health industry about actual issues and concerns that may be bothering them.

These seminars may also benefit you, since you can see areas to support employees in more intimate or much-needed ways. The mental health industry constantly sees changes and improvements in their research and studies, and it doesn’t hurt to stay informed.

Additions

9. Empower employees to help their communities

Sometimes we can uplift ourselves when we uplift others. Inspire a sense of community and contribution within your company by starting a volunteer program or fundraising campaign, especially in causes that matter most to your employees.

For example, Diishan Imira of Mayvenn, an online platform that helps hair stylists connect and gain new clients and customers, started a #SaveTheSalon fundraising campaign.

She and her company sought to help displaced hair stylists whose incomes were severely cut because of the recent COVID-19 measures that closed down several industries, including salons, out of safety risks.

10. Put employees’ well-being first

When you take care of employees, your employees take care of business. This maxim is especially true in a remote workforce that eliminates in-person interactions.

Follow these 10 tips to help you become champions of your remote employees’ mental health, and you’ll see a happier, healthier workforce who’ll stay with you for the long haul.

Source:Blackenterprise

In self development June 11, 2020 By Women of Rubies

7 Signs That Makes Him Believe You Are The One

If you have been in a relationship with your partner for a while, it’s normal for you to start wondering if you are what he has been looking for. If you are wondering if you are the one to him, check out WomensHealthMag’s seven signs that you are the one for him.

1. He’s his best self with you

Sure, there’s conflict that you have to work through in every relationship, but when you’re with your person, you’ll feel more alive, joyful, and adventurous. If it’s not the right relationship there could be feelings of anger, helplessness, and you might not like yourself much when you’re together.

2. You don’t agree on everything

One of the important myths to dispel is the belief that you’ll feel completely compatible in every way. For example, you’ll have the same hobbies, the same likes and dislikes, and the same politics.

But our research suggests that compatibility of similar interests are mostly irrelevant. What’s more important is what it feels like when you’re together. You may both love to kayak, but if you’re arguing going down a river that common interest really doesn’t matter.

3. You make him feel wonderful

If he feels desired, attractive, funny, and all-around wonderful around you, then he’s probably considered that you could be the one. And the same goes for how he makes you feel about yourself. Remember this.

4. He feels safe

If he feels like he is home when he is with you then you could be the one for him. When you’re with the right person, you feel comfortable and relaxed. If every time you’re together things are negative, that’s not a good sign.

5. Your similarities are compatible

Chances are that you won’t be exactly alike, and this is a good thing. Men and women get to learn a lot from their differences. But there is one arena where compatibility is very important feelings.

How do you both relate to anger, sadness, fear, and joy? How do you express affection and love? If you have very different feelings about feelings, it can cause trouble.

6. He doesn’t mourn the single life

When he finds “the one,” he’s thankful for what she adds to his life. He shouldn’t compare his committed relationship with you to what he might be missing out on by being single.

7. You agree on children

The only other make-or-break issue in determining if you’re “the one” is the issue of children.

Whether you both want them or neither of you do, agreeing on this important fact is key to settling down with the person meant for you.

Source: womenshealthmag.com

In self development June 10, 2020 By Women of Rubies

4 Differences Between A Happy Marriage And A Miserable One

Whether you are happy or miserable, these tips can strengthen your relationship.

After the honeymoon ends and reality sets in, you begin to realize how much work goes into a healthy marriage. And yet, even decades after their wedding day, some couples claim their many years of marriage as the best of their life. Clearly, they’ve learned what it takes to maintain a happy marriage, so why can’t you?

Here are the top four things that will make all the difference in your marriage:

Apologize and let things go

There’s a misconception that apologizing is a sign of weakness. But in a relationship, doing so demonstrates strength. Happy couples will build their relationship by offering genuine apologies when they’ve done something wrong or hurtful to their sweetheart.

Being stubborn or holding grudges can tear you and your spouse apart. The longer you wait to apologize, the longer the problem will fester and infect your relationship.

Once you’ve cleared the air, learn to let the issue go, because leaving your problems in the past will allow you to grow closer together.

Honest communication

Communication takes work – a lot of work, but it’s the key to a strong and thriving relationship.

There’s a bit of a learning curve as you adapt to each other’s needs.

Start with, “This is how I’m feeling, and this is what I need from you right now.”

This statement will open an honest and judgement-free conversation that allows you to be transparent and straightforward with your feelings and with what you need from your spouse in return.

3. Never say anything bad about your spouse

You never know who is listening, and it might get back to them. People who don’t know your spouse could meet them and greet them with, “I’ve never met you but I’ve heard…” Don’t talk badly about them, even if they aren’t around.

Even if what you’re saying is true, speaking ill of them promotes your underlying negative feelings. Every time you vocalize those thoughts to yourself, in your journal, to your mother, to your friend or even to your spouse, negative thoughts and feelings become rooted deeply and cause you to resent them for no reason.

Avoiding negative thoughts and promoting each other’s positive attributes will immediately strengthen your relationship.

4. Learn each other’s love languages

There are a variety of love languages, so you and your spouse may differ in the ways you receive and show affection. Make it a goal to learn your spouse’s love language and vice versa. That way, you can always be certain you are meeting their needs.

For example, I have a friend whose love language is quality time. Her husband knows this, so he sits in the same room as her. But, he tends to fiddle with his computer, play a game or do homework when sitting with her. My friend explained to me that it took some time for her husband to understand that being in the same room was not the same thing as quality time.

The fastest way to find happiness in your marriage is to establish healthy habits from the beginning. Take time to discuss any changes you want to make in your relationship, and ask for your partner’s cooperation and help. Honest conversations are worth the time to infuse your relationship with more life, affection and happiness.

Source: Familyshare

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

If Your Husband Does These 14 Things, He’s The Best Husband Ever

Many marriages end because of ingratitude. As time goes by, couples forget to appreciate the little things in life. But being grateful every day helps sweethearts stay happily married.

Noticing and appreciating the things your husband does for you helps you see what really matters, rather than focusing on his flaws (which every man has). Your spouse is the most important person in your life, so do your marriage a favor and praise him for all these things he does for you:

He trusts you ,He doesn’t doubt your actions.

He is loyal to you ,He has nothing to hide. You have access to everything in his life and know what he does.

He knows your tastes , He knows your favorite chocolate, the kind of movies you like to watch and your hobbies.

He gives you some time to yourself , If you want to go out with your friends, get a haircut or watch a movie alone, he doesn’t care. He knows that sometimes you just need some alone time
He helps you be better,He does not accept any self-hate talk you throw at yourself. Instead, he helps you build confidence and encourages you to get up when you’re discouraged.
He laughs at your jokes … even when they are not funny.
He believes you, He knows you’ll be honest with him.
He laughs with you, He makes you laugh and you have fun together.
He values your feelings , He always takes into account how you feel.
You feel loved by him, You just know you are the love of his life.
He makes your complicated life easier, He gives solutions and seeks to avoid conflicts.
He helps you with house work, He washes the dishes and takes care of the kids without you even asking.
He consoles you when you’re sad , He doesn’t like to see you upset and does everything he can to make you feel better
He adores your smile , He tries to see your smile every day.

Yes, your husband will slip up and hurt your feelings. It’s usually the people closest to us that hurt us the most. The important thing to remember is that he tries to be better every day. And if he tries to do even a few of these 15 things, you can be sure that he loves you.

Source: Family Share

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

5 Things To Consider Before Jumping Into A Business Venture

Many entrepreneurs in Nigeria and around the globe entirely sometimes have fear or anxiety when they want to invest in any small business opportunity. Some people may be afraid, if they are risking their money in a business that wouldn’t be worthwhile, or unsuccessful .

If I am in their shoes I’d probably feel the same way. It is the hardest decision every aspiring entrepreneurs would want to take. However, if you want to invest in any business, think about the type of product you are selling, whom your potential customers are, evaluate the market and analyse the business structure.

Here are some few things you need to know or do before jumping into any new business of your choice:

Time management
The first decision when starting up a small business is to assess yourself and know how much time you need – at the beginning when you are setting up your business, or on a day to day basis… to make your business a successful one.
If you are the type that leads a busy life and you are not prepared to sacrifice your other commitments, then consider investing in any other existing small businesses, possibly owned by your family members and friends. Remember, you have to be careful with what you invest your money in. It doesn’t mean you are in charge of the business, but you can get your own small percentage from the business sales – based on the agreement you had with your new business partner.

Have a business plan
As an entrepreneur who is on the journey to start up a business, you need a perfect business plan. It allows you to think what you are doing and where you are going. Having a business plan also stands to provide clarity and purpose on how to run your business organization. No matter how large or small it is, you wouldn’t just want to build a house without a foundation.
Writing a business plan also gives you the blueprint for your business’ success. Here are some reasons why you need a business plan.

Evaluation of the intending market (who the customers are and what they want)
It keeps you focused
It enhances your business management and effectiveness
It creates new doors for unseen business opportunity
It helps you to monitor your business
Helps you to know how to fund on your small business
It helps to support business growth

Product or services must be high in demand
With every business idea that comes your way, there must be a need for the product/service among your potential customers. You don’t just jump into any business opportunity without evaluating the market. Know what the problem is, and the possible solution you can give, to meet you ideal customer’s need.

Let passion be your drive
Study the lives of well known and successful entrepreneurs; they all have one thing in common – passion. They love what they, do and this has made them become experts in their niche.

Let’s take an example of one of the popular fast food in the world KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) founded by Colonel Harland Sanders. This influential entrepreneur and innovator carved out a niche for himself in the fast food industry, because he knows what he loves to do best, and was very good at it. He went door to door selling his fried chicken to his neighbours and along his restaurant. The KFC that you know today has grown to be one of the successful fast food around the globe.

This is the first law of business success: Choose a specific business of your strength and stick to it. Cosmos Maduka and Ade Ojo focus on automobiles

Be patient
With any business venture, you must exercise enough patience, in order to see your start up capital. Some business experts say you have to wait for 3 to 5 years to regain your capital, but there is no guarantee. The first and foremost premise of success in business is patience.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Names Of Convicted Sex Offenders Now On NAPTIP’s Register (See Full List)

Remember how a petition was launched in March, urging the Nigerian government to implement a sex offenders registry (i.e rape, paedophilia, sexual harassment and assault)?

Well, the National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) has now published names and photographs of some convicted sex offenders on the Nigeria Sex Offender Register.

The DG of NAPTIP, Dame Julie Okah-Donli, shared a list over the weekend via Twitter. She said the agency is determined to start naming and shaming all sex offenders, and more names of sex offenders would be published once they are convicted.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Stephanie Linus: 3 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself Everyday

Star actress Stephanie Linus shares three reasons why everyone should love themselves every day on her website recently and we absolutely agree with her.

She says:

Whether or not you are capable of giving and receiving love starts with how much you have come to love yourself. Loving yourself should not be mistaken for narcissism or selfishness. It is about accepting and being comfortable with yourself, and above all embracing your uniqueness by not wishing you were someone else.

A popular old saying goes “You cannot love others if you do not love yourself.” This is a truth that should not be despised; you cannot give what you have not felt or experienced for yourself. Love starts with “Me”. It flows from within and only flourishes when is coming from a place of security and consistency.

Here are three reasons why you should be head over heels in love with “You”:

You deserve to be loved: If you do not love yourself for who you are, you would find it very easy to believe that you do not deserve to be loved. If you are in a relationship, you begin to think everything that goes wrong is your fault and then you justify your partner if he/she is abusing you emotionally or physically. Loving yourself means you realizing that you deserve everything good – including someone who would love and respect you for who you are.
When you love who you are, you accept who you are: Loving yourself is knowing yourself perfectly well. It is about being truthful about your positive and negative sides and choosing to focus on the positive side. This is not an excuse to stop improving yourself, but instead accepting your unique traits rather than comparing yourself to others.
You are Confident and Live a Happy Life: When you love yourself, you are more confident about your body, your choices, your job and everything you can think about. It also means you live a life free of worries and endless comparisons with other people because you do not feel like you are missing out on a particular quality of life.

SL Fabz, the best approach to life is loving and leading every step of the way, and it all starts from the inside.

xoxo SL

Credit: StephanieDaily.com

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Octavia Spencer Donates Breathing Monitors To Medical Facilities In Alabama And New York

Oscar winning actress Octavia Spencer recently announced a donation of breathing monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York fighting the coronavirus pandemic.

Spencer partnered with Mikucare, a company that specializes in baby monitors, to provide their state of the art monitors to medical facilities. The monitors track everything from breathing levels to sleep patterns, equipped with two-way talk and video capabilities that allow medical staff to communicate with patients without even being in the room.

“I, like many of you, have felt helpless in knowing how to help during this time. Seeing what is happening in the communities that I love, I have teamed up with @Mikucare to donate monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York to provide much needed relief to nurses as they navigate care for COVID-19 patients,” Spencer wrote on Instagram.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Emeka Nobis: Dear Men,Let’s Talk About Rape

Rape on my mind!

I slept with thoughts of the act of rape on my mind and woke this morning with the thoughts too.
I’ve had interactions with ladies who have been raped, but this week I’ve had to interact with three that are dear to my heart.

In dealing with them, because of my training now and my perceptible powers, I sensed clouds around them. You know how you sense something is amiss, but somehow you can’t place a finger on it.
How did I sense?

I have come to know when a hug is given halfheartedly, a hurried act to extend a warm hand, but just short enough to allow for that detachment within that creates a shell of retreat.

When I was able to ‘pierce’ through the wall to get them to a place of divulgence, my heart was torn.
I’ll spare you the details. Personally, I don’t understand (perhaps, never will) how a man finds pleasure in forceful, unconsenting sex. It’s because for me, I love to fuse with my woman during sex. It’s not just sex, it’s the motions, the art and science of the rhythms called lovemaking.

While I may not exhaustively list all the reasons men rape women – ego massage, peer pressure, rejection and many others – this is a call to my dear men (and sons in the making) concerning our women.
Beyond the physical, rape does a lot of damage to the emotional stability of a woman. It leaves a gulf too difficult to cover in many years. The spillover of some of these effects are seen in marriage.
A lady recovering from effects of rape may shrink back in embarrassment when you touch her hand. She may reject all your well-intentioned requests to take her to lunch. She may not consider leaders in whatever capacity as worthy of being listened to.

There are so many. The end result can be cracked marriages when the spouse can’t just understand the frigidity during sex or withdrawal from the public or inability to deeply communicate.
My dear men, we have work on our hands to do.

It scares me when I walk the streets and see young boys and men who are derelicts, desiring love and care, but left to fend for themselves though ferocious means at the car parks and dark street corners.
Such men may never consider the dignity of a woman worth preserving or elevating. It’s truly worrisome. I wish I can have all the money in the world to remove them from the streets, reform their minds and instil progressive codes into their subconscious.

My dear men, I say it again : We have work!
Yes, a lot has been said about protecting the women. If you truly dissect it, the women live all their lives with this fear of men and still end up marrying men. It’s a dangerous thing to merge untrained men with trained women within the walls of marriage.

When my friend, Queenette Itsemhe Enilama, who is working so hard to raise legendary men of honour, told me the depth of the depravity of this dimension, I shivered. She’s someone whose heart yearns for raising gallant men.

It’s a danger because the male species aren’t being looked at because all the tablets of precautions and advice are thrown at women to gobble up. We end up raising clueless men.
Dear men, we have work!

Let’s start from our families. It starts with me teaching my son Best not how to be a man in masculine terms, but about the dignity of humanity and the respect for all – male and female alike.

It starts with our dismantling the patriarchal system that tends to mash women underneath and quash their voices in the comity of local communities.

It starts with us expunging religious dogmas and teachings that alienate women from pulpits and keep them in perpetual servitude to the whims and caprices of “ordained men.”

It starts by destroying the clamour for silence when rape is reported. For it’s by maintaining silence that we give power to the offenders, quash the honour of the victims, and crown rape with adorable vestments.

Can we? Yes, we can.

You can start by doing so today after reading this post!

Start by knowing that humanity is in all of us and we are bound by one thing – the red blood that flows in our veins irrespective of colour, creed, religion and political affiliations.

Start by letting a friend read this and by tagging your friends so that together we can create a narrative that can help humanity.

I love you!
Curled from his Facebook page.

***Emeka is also an Ambassador of Walk Against Rape Nigeria***

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