self development Archives

In self development June 11, 2020 By Women of Rubies

7 Signs That Makes Him Believe You Are The One

If you have been in a relationship with your partner for a while, it’s normal for you to start wondering if you are what he has been looking for. If you are wondering if you are the one to him, check out WomensHealthMag’s seven signs that you are the one for him.

1. He’s his best self with you

Sure, there’s conflict that you have to work through in every relationship, but when you’re with your person, you’ll feel more alive, joyful, and adventurous. If it’s not the right relationship there could be feelings of anger, helplessness, and you might not like yourself much when you’re together.

2. You don’t agree on everything

One of the important myths to dispel is the belief that you’ll feel completely compatible in every way. For example, you’ll have the same hobbies, the same likes and dislikes, and the same politics.

But our research suggests that compatibility of similar interests are mostly irrelevant. What’s more important is what it feels like when you’re together. You may both love to kayak, but if you’re arguing going down a river that common interest really doesn’t matter.

3. You make him feel wonderful

If he feels desired, attractive, funny, and all-around wonderful around you, then he’s probably considered that you could be the one. And the same goes for how he makes you feel about yourself. Remember this.

4. He feels safe

If he feels like he is home when he is with you then you could be the one for him. When you’re with the right person, you feel comfortable and relaxed. If every time you’re together things are negative, that’s not a good sign.

5. Your similarities are compatible

Chances are that you won’t be exactly alike, and this is a good thing. Men and women get to learn a lot from their differences. But there is one arena where compatibility is very important feelings.

How do you both relate to anger, sadness, fear, and joy? How do you express affection and love? If you have very different feelings about feelings, it can cause trouble.

6. He doesn’t mourn the single life

When he finds “the one,” he’s thankful for what she adds to his life. He shouldn’t compare his committed relationship with you to what he might be missing out on by being single.

7. You agree on children

The only other make-or-break issue in determining if you’re “the one” is the issue of children.

Whether you both want them or neither of you do, agreeing on this important fact is key to settling down with the person meant for you.

Source: womenshealthmag.com

In self development June 10, 2020 By Women of Rubies

4 Differences Between A Happy Marriage And A Miserable One

Whether you are happy or miserable, these tips can strengthen your relationship.

After the honeymoon ends and reality sets in, you begin to realize how much work goes into a healthy marriage. And yet, even decades after their wedding day, some couples claim their many years of marriage as the best of their life. Clearly, they’ve learned what it takes to maintain a happy marriage, so why can’t you?

Here are the top four things that will make all the difference in your marriage:

Apologize and let things go

There’s a misconception that apologizing is a sign of weakness. But in a relationship, doing so demonstrates strength. Happy couples will build their relationship by offering genuine apologies when they’ve done something wrong or hurtful to their sweetheart.

Being stubborn or holding grudges can tear you and your spouse apart. The longer you wait to apologize, the longer the problem will fester and infect your relationship.

Once you’ve cleared the air, learn to let the issue go, because leaving your problems in the past will allow you to grow closer together.

Honest communication

Communication takes work – a lot of work, but it’s the key to a strong and thriving relationship.

There’s a bit of a learning curve as you adapt to each other’s needs.

Start with, “This is how I’m feeling, and this is what I need from you right now.”

This statement will open an honest and judgement-free conversation that allows you to be transparent and straightforward with your feelings and with what you need from your spouse in return.

3. Never say anything bad about your spouse

You never know who is listening, and it might get back to them. People who don’t know your spouse could meet them and greet them with, “I’ve never met you but I’ve heard…” Don’t talk badly about them, even if they aren’t around.

Even if what you’re saying is true, speaking ill of them promotes your underlying negative feelings. Every time you vocalize those thoughts to yourself, in your journal, to your mother, to your friend or even to your spouse, negative thoughts and feelings become rooted deeply and cause you to resent them for no reason.

Avoiding negative thoughts and promoting each other’s positive attributes will immediately strengthen your relationship.

4. Learn each other’s love languages

There are a variety of love languages, so you and your spouse may differ in the ways you receive and show affection. Make it a goal to learn your spouse’s love language and vice versa. That way, you can always be certain you are meeting their needs.

For example, I have a friend whose love language is quality time. Her husband knows this, so he sits in the same room as her. But, he tends to fiddle with his computer, play a game or do homework when sitting with her. My friend explained to me that it took some time for her husband to understand that being in the same room was not the same thing as quality time.

The fastest way to find happiness in your marriage is to establish healthy habits from the beginning. Take time to discuss any changes you want to make in your relationship, and ask for your partner’s cooperation and help. Honest conversations are worth the time to infuse your relationship with more life, affection and happiness.

Source: Familyshare

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

If Your Husband Does These 14 Things, He’s The Best Husband Ever

Many marriages end because of ingratitude. As time goes by, couples forget to appreciate the little things in life. But being grateful every day helps sweethearts stay happily married.

Noticing and appreciating the things your husband does for you helps you see what really matters, rather than focusing on his flaws (which every man has). Your spouse is the most important person in your life, so do your marriage a favor and praise him for all these things he does for you:

He trusts you ,He doesn’t doubt your actions.

He is loyal to you ,He has nothing to hide. You have access to everything in his life and know what he does.

He knows your tastes , He knows your favorite chocolate, the kind of movies you like to watch and your hobbies.

He gives you some time to yourself , If you want to go out with your friends, get a haircut or watch a movie alone, he doesn’t care. He knows that sometimes you just need some alone time
He helps you be better,He does not accept any self-hate talk you throw at yourself. Instead, he helps you build confidence and encourages you to get up when you’re discouraged.
He laughs at your jokes … even when they are not funny.
He believes you, He knows you’ll be honest with him.
He laughs with you, He makes you laugh and you have fun together.
He values your feelings , He always takes into account how you feel.
You feel loved by him, You just know you are the love of his life.
He makes your complicated life easier, He gives solutions and seeks to avoid conflicts.
He helps you with house work, He washes the dishes and takes care of the kids without you even asking.
He consoles you when you’re sad , He doesn’t like to see you upset and does everything he can to make you feel better
He adores your smile , He tries to see your smile every day.

Yes, your husband will slip up and hurt your feelings. It’s usually the people closest to us that hurt us the most. The important thing to remember is that he tries to be better every day. And if he tries to do even a few of these 15 things, you can be sure that he loves you.

Source: Family Share

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

5 Things To Consider Before Jumping Into A Business Venture

Many entrepreneurs in Nigeria and around the globe entirely sometimes have fear or anxiety when they want to invest in any small business opportunity. Some people may be afraid, if they are risking their money in a business that wouldn’t be worthwhile, or unsuccessful .

If I am in their shoes I’d probably feel the same way. It is the hardest decision every aspiring entrepreneurs would want to take. However, if you want to invest in any business, think about the type of product you are selling, whom your potential customers are, evaluate the market and analyse the business structure.

Here are some few things you need to know or do before jumping into any new business of your choice:

Time management
The first decision when starting up a small business is to assess yourself and know how much time you need – at the beginning when you are setting up your business, or on a day to day basis… to make your business a successful one.
If you are the type that leads a busy life and you are not prepared to sacrifice your other commitments, then consider investing in any other existing small businesses, possibly owned by your family members and friends. Remember, you have to be careful with what you invest your money in. It doesn’t mean you are in charge of the business, but you can get your own small percentage from the business sales – based on the agreement you had with your new business partner.

Have a business plan
As an entrepreneur who is on the journey to start up a business, you need a perfect business plan. It allows you to think what you are doing and where you are going. Having a business plan also stands to provide clarity and purpose on how to run your business organization. No matter how large or small it is, you wouldn’t just want to build a house without a foundation.
Writing a business plan also gives you the blueprint for your business’ success. Here are some reasons why you need a business plan.

Evaluation of the intending market (who the customers are and what they want)
It keeps you focused
It enhances your business management and effectiveness
It creates new doors for unseen business opportunity
It helps you to monitor your business
Helps you to know how to fund on your small business
It helps to support business growth

Product or services must be high in demand
With every business idea that comes your way, there must be a need for the product/service among your potential customers. You don’t just jump into any business opportunity without evaluating the market. Know what the problem is, and the possible solution you can give, to meet you ideal customer’s need.

Let passion be your drive
Study the lives of well known and successful entrepreneurs; they all have one thing in common – passion. They love what they, do and this has made them become experts in their niche.

Let’s take an example of one of the popular fast food in the world KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) founded by Colonel Harland Sanders. This influential entrepreneur and innovator carved out a niche for himself in the fast food industry, because he knows what he loves to do best, and was very good at it. He went door to door selling his fried chicken to his neighbours and along his restaurant. The KFC that you know today has grown to be one of the successful fast food around the globe.

This is the first law of business success: Choose a specific business of your strength and stick to it. Cosmos Maduka and Ade Ojo focus on automobiles

Be patient
With any business venture, you must exercise enough patience, in order to see your start up capital. Some business experts say you have to wait for 3 to 5 years to regain your capital, but there is no guarantee. The first and foremost premise of success in business is patience.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Names Of Convicted Sex Offenders Now On NAPTIP’s Register (See Full List)

Remember how a petition was launched in March, urging the Nigerian government to implement a sex offenders registry (i.e rape, paedophilia, sexual harassment and assault)?

Well, the National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) has now published names and photographs of some convicted sex offenders on the Nigeria Sex Offender Register.

The DG of NAPTIP, Dame Julie Okah-Donli, shared a list over the weekend via Twitter. She said the agency is determined to start naming and shaming all sex offenders, and more names of sex offenders would be published once they are convicted.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

Stephanie Linus: 3 Reasons Why You Should Love Yourself Everyday

Star actress Stephanie Linus shares three reasons why everyone should love themselves every day on her website recently and we absolutely agree with her.

She says:

Whether or not you are capable of giving and receiving love starts with how much you have come to love yourself. Loving yourself should not be mistaken for narcissism or selfishness. It is about accepting and being comfortable with yourself, and above all embracing your uniqueness by not wishing you were someone else.

A popular old saying goes “You cannot love others if you do not love yourself.” This is a truth that should not be despised; you cannot give what you have not felt or experienced for yourself. Love starts with “Me”. It flows from within and only flourishes when is coming from a place of security and consistency.

Here are three reasons why you should be head over heels in love with “You”:

You deserve to be loved: If you do not love yourself for who you are, you would find it very easy to believe that you do not deserve to be loved. If you are in a relationship, you begin to think everything that goes wrong is your fault and then you justify your partner if he/she is abusing you emotionally or physically. Loving yourself means you realizing that you deserve everything good – including someone who would love and respect you for who you are.
When you love who you are, you accept who you are: Loving yourself is knowing yourself perfectly well. It is about being truthful about your positive and negative sides and choosing to focus on the positive side. This is not an excuse to stop improving yourself, but instead accepting your unique traits rather than comparing yourself to others.
You are Confident and Live a Happy Life: When you love yourself, you are more confident about your body, your choices, your job and everything you can think about. It also means you live a life free of worries and endless comparisons with other people because you do not feel like you are missing out on a particular quality of life.

SL Fabz, the best approach to life is loving and leading every step of the way, and it all starts from the inside.

xoxo SL

Credit: StephanieDaily.com

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Octavia Spencer Donates Breathing Monitors To Medical Facilities In Alabama And New York

Oscar winning actress Octavia Spencer recently announced a donation of breathing monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York fighting the coronavirus pandemic.

Spencer partnered with Mikucare, a company that specializes in baby monitors, to provide their state of the art monitors to medical facilities. The monitors track everything from breathing levels to sleep patterns, equipped with two-way talk and video capabilities that allow medical staff to communicate with patients without even being in the room.

“I, like many of you, have felt helpless in knowing how to help during this time. Seeing what is happening in the communities that I love, I have teamed up with @Mikucare to donate monitors to nursing and medical facilities in Alabama and New York to provide much needed relief to nurses as they navigate care for COVID-19 patients,” Spencer wrote on Instagram.

In self development June 9, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Emeka Nobis: Dear Men,Let’s Talk About Rape

Rape on my mind!

I slept with thoughts of the act of rape on my mind and woke this morning with the thoughts too.
I’ve had interactions with ladies who have been raped, but this week I’ve had to interact with three that are dear to my heart.

In dealing with them, because of my training now and my perceptible powers, I sensed clouds around them. You know how you sense something is amiss, but somehow you can’t place a finger on it.
How did I sense?

I have come to know when a hug is given halfheartedly, a hurried act to extend a warm hand, but just short enough to allow for that detachment within that creates a shell of retreat.

When I was able to ‘pierce’ through the wall to get them to a place of divulgence, my heart was torn.
I’ll spare you the details. Personally, I don’t understand (perhaps, never will) how a man finds pleasure in forceful, unconsenting sex. It’s because for me, I love to fuse with my woman during sex. It’s not just sex, it’s the motions, the art and science of the rhythms called lovemaking.

While I may not exhaustively list all the reasons men rape women – ego massage, peer pressure, rejection and many others – this is a call to my dear men (and sons in the making) concerning our women.
Beyond the physical, rape does a lot of damage to the emotional stability of a woman. It leaves a gulf too difficult to cover in many years. The spillover of some of these effects are seen in marriage.
A lady recovering from effects of rape may shrink back in embarrassment when you touch her hand. She may reject all your well-intentioned requests to take her to lunch. She may not consider leaders in whatever capacity as worthy of being listened to.

There are so many. The end result can be cracked marriages when the spouse can’t just understand the frigidity during sex or withdrawal from the public or inability to deeply communicate.
My dear men, we have work on our hands to do.

It scares me when I walk the streets and see young boys and men who are derelicts, desiring love and care, but left to fend for themselves though ferocious means at the car parks and dark street corners.
Such men may never consider the dignity of a woman worth preserving or elevating. It’s truly worrisome. I wish I can have all the money in the world to remove them from the streets, reform their minds and instil progressive codes into their subconscious.

My dear men, I say it again : We have work!
Yes, a lot has been said about protecting the women. If you truly dissect it, the women live all their lives with this fear of men and still end up marrying men. It’s a dangerous thing to merge untrained men with trained women within the walls of marriage.

When my friend, Queenette Itsemhe Enilama, who is working so hard to raise legendary men of honour, told me the depth of the depravity of this dimension, I shivered. She’s someone whose heart yearns for raising gallant men.

It’s a danger because the male species aren’t being looked at because all the tablets of precautions and advice are thrown at women to gobble up. We end up raising clueless men.
Dear men, we have work!

Let’s start from our families. It starts with me teaching my son Best not how to be a man in masculine terms, but about the dignity of humanity and the respect for all – male and female alike.

It starts with our dismantling the patriarchal system that tends to mash women underneath and quash their voices in the comity of local communities.

It starts with us expunging religious dogmas and teachings that alienate women from pulpits and keep them in perpetual servitude to the whims and caprices of “ordained men.”

It starts by destroying the clamour for silence when rape is reported. For it’s by maintaining silence that we give power to the offenders, quash the honour of the victims, and crown rape with adorable vestments.

Can we? Yes, we can.

You can start by doing so today after reading this post!

Start by knowing that humanity is in all of us and we are bound by one thing – the red blood that flows in our veins irrespective of colour, creed, religion and political affiliations.

Start by letting a friend read this and by tagging your friends so that together we can create a narrative that can help humanity.

I love you!
Curled from his Facebook page.

***Emeka is also an Ambassador of Walk Against Rape Nigeria***

In self development June 9, 2020 By Women of Rubies

SIJU YUSUF : NO TO RAPE

‘I like you’ He said as he pressed his lips against hers so swiftly as if to meet a timeline.

The slap that followed the unsolicited ‘lip pressing’ was even swifter.

‘How dare you?’ She asked in a tone so lethal, one would think the soft spoken naive girl had just been possessed by the forces of darkness.

Her eyes narrowed with disgust as she clenched her fist tightly in a bid to restrain herself from further physical expression.

She would never have thought she was capable of defending herself with an assault so publicly.

How could she have known he would harass her this way?

She’s just a fresher at the university and her friends brother was supposed to help her settle in while he concludes his extra year.

She has just been reduced to her body or was it her lips? She has been defiled. Violated. Molested.

Isn’t this rape? Only without penetration?

Oh God, why her?

Why anyone? What did she do wrong?

She has been scarred. That girl too. Oh the boy. And the other one. On and on.

Rape victims, they are scarred. Emotionally, physically.

**********************************

You do not pray to be violated. How can anyone make light of such an occurrence. An evil act that is forever etched in the memory of the victims.

Forever.

Silence doesn’t mean consent! What is happening to morals and values? We deliberately flushed them down the drain?

Heck!

Any non-consensual sexual acts or actions against a person either by physical force, coercion or abuse of authority is violation of rights and a clearly defined case of rape.

For the sake of emphasis, a person who is incapable of giving valid consent due to unconsciousness, age, intellectual disability and is engaged in the act, is being raped!

A person who therefore knowingly makes light of these actions is an enabler who aids and abets and whose punishment should be as severe as the perpetrators. Or what other intents does an enabler have?

Many organizations are working tirelessly to reduce the statistics on rape reporting which as at today is a grossly dark figure of 91.6%. Actions of enablers, such as; stigmatizing victims, making jokes out of the act, silencing or encouraging victims to remain silent are reasons why the efforts of these organizations are perceptibly futile.

Individuals are joining walks to stop rape yet some other persons are belittling their efforts, perhaps, more interested in making it a parody.

Rape is not a joke!

Victims should not be stigmatized!

Victims should not be mocked!

Enabling is as evil as perpetrating!

#saynotorape

In self development June 8, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Remi Kyne: 5 Lies You Should Stop Telling Today

Little lies like “I’m on my way” are pretty harmless. But there are other little lies that mean big business in your life. These lies can seem insignificant but are very powerful. They can say a lot about how you feel about yourself or someone else. They can also be used as a place holder or time saver. But in the end they can really cost you in life and love. So here are 5 lies you need to unlearn right now.

Little lies can actually bring big problems. Here are 5 ‘harmless’ lies that will really hurt your life.

“I’m fine”

No, you’re not. This is the go-to lie of anyone who doesn’t feel like explaining themselves. More often than not you are far from fine when you say, “I’m fine.” What you’re really saying is, “I’m trying to be fine. I want to be fine. I’m upset. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m scared. But I’m totally not fine.”

You really need to trust someone to spill your guts to. But that’s what friends, and family, is for. Follow-up to this salient admission with, “I could use some support. That will help me actually be fine.”

“I don’t care”

Yes, you do. It might be embarrassing to admit you still have an emotional investment in a situation that is dead, dying or toxic. But being honest with yourself will help you be honest with others. Your friends and family may not respond well to an honest statement like, “It really bothers me.” But if you back it up with “But I know things are the way they should be,” or “I know it’s for the best,” you can avoid some eye rolls and head shakes. You care right now but you will be okay, eventually.

“I’m over it”

Are you really? Or do you want to be? If you’re just angry, offended and defensive it will seep through a tough exterior. Holding grudges is unhealthy for your mind and body. But letting bad behavior go and moving forward without processing it can be harmful too. Being “over” something means you acknowledge what happened and understand your feelings about it. You can then accept your decision to move on with or without someone, or something. When you’re really over it it holds no weight over you.

“I don’t know”

Are you sure? Trust your gut. If you feel something is brewing, investigate. If your partner is being distant, find out why. If you’re not being kept in the loop, make some calls. Be proactive in your life and make things happen. Don’t let your life happen to you.

“I’m trying”

But what are you doing? Trying means you’re putting in work to get what and where you want. Thinking about things is only the first step. Planning is a good follow-up. But then you need follow-through. You need to do. Keep a checklist of whatever you’re working toward and make sure to mark it off regularly. If you are truly trying you should have a record of your steps for success.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide your feeling or your faults than admit something deeper is going on. You have to trust your own feelings to trust another person with them. You must be honest with yourself and be honest with others.

Looking to the future and coming from where you’d like to be is an encouraging mental exercise. But it can lead you to living a less than genuine life. Don’t get used to holding in or denying your true feelings. Be open and let your support system support you through hard times.