self development Archives

In self development June 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Meet Neijae Graham-Henries, The “World’s Youngest Female Barber” (See Video)

At age seven, Neijae Graham-Henries also known as the world’s youngest barber, found her passion when her brother chose to discontinue the Junior Barber Academy in North Philadelphia.

Now, the 9-year-old spends her time going to school and giving free haircuts to those in need and at the same time mastering her skills from Philadelphia barbers. Young Graham-Henries is confident about her career in a male-dominated profession and her resolve to pursue her passion has won her the World Record Academy title of “World’s Youngest Barber’.

Neijae says she didn’t think much about giving haircuts before she heard of the academy. “I would braid my own hair and my doll’s hair, but I wasn’t really interested in barbering. I thought only boys could do it” she told TIME for Kids.

Graham-Henries received national attention from outlets like BuzzFeed and Inside Edition when a video of her working went viral on social media. She also got invited to speak at the Essence Beauty Carnival in New York City.

Watch the video below:

View this post on Instagram

Neijae Graham-Henries (@theworldsyoungestfemalebarber) was seven years old when she enrolled for, and completed, the six-week Junior Barber Academy course as the only girl in her class. Today, she’s regarded as the world’s youngest female barber. “When you don’t get the work done, that’s on you,” she says. . 🎥 @60secdocs #BellaNaija #Inspiration BellaNaija.com

A post shared by BellaNaija (@bellanaijaonline) on Jun 15, 2020 at 2:13am PDT

In self development June 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Woman Who Called Michelle Obama An Ape is Going To Prison For Fraud

Pamela Taylor, the 57-year old white woman who made a racist comment about former first lady Michelle Obama on Facebook two years ago, is now going to prison for embezzling more than $18,000 in FEMA disaster benefits.

Taylor, the former Clay County development director, has recently been sentenced to 10 months in federal prison and to pay $10,000 fine. After serving her sentence in jail, she also has to undergo home confinement for the first 2 months and supervised release for 3 years.

In 2016, Taylor also made national headlines after comparing then-first lady Michelle Obama to an ape. In a Facebook post after Trump’s election, she said, “It will be refreshing to have a classy, beautiful, dignified First Lady in the White House. I’m tired of seeing a Ape in heels.”

She was then suspended from her position as Clay County development director but returned to work about a month after.

In the FEMA embezzlement case, Taylor reportedly claimed her primary residence was damaged by the flooding in West Virginia that damaged other homes and buildings and killed at least 23 people in June 2016. She also said that she stayed in a rental unit after that.

However, it turned out that her home was not damaged and that she was still living there, not in any rental unit as she have initially claimed to receive more than $18,000 in FEMA disaster benefits.

“The flood was a natural disaster. Stealing from FEMA is a man-made disaster,” U.S. Attorney Mike Stuart said in a news release. “The floods of June 2016 were historic and devastating to thousands of West Virginians. Lives were lost. Too many of our brothers and sisters lost everything. FEMA dollars are critical but limited. Stealing critical FEMA dollars is a crime — literally and figuratively. Taylor’s fraud scheme diverted disaster benefits from our most desperate and vulnerable, those most in need of help.

Source: blacknews.com

In self development June 18, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Twin Sisters Graduate With Highest Honors, Pay Tribute To Their Mom Who Died Last Year

Khaliyah and Aaliyah White, twin sisters from Philadelphia, have graduated as the number 1 and 2 students of their class at GAMP High School.

Despite the hardships they faced, Khaliyah graduated valedictorian and Aaliyah graduated salutatorian with their drive and motivation.

The twins dedicate their success most especially to their mother who passed away last year. “She was proud of us for everything that we were doing,” the twins told NBC News about their mother.

Aside from their academics, the two sisters were also occupied with participating in track and field and theater plays.

Due to the pandemic, they will be having their graduation virtually wherein they are set to address their fellow graduates.

“We’re still doing everything even though it is not the same as before. We’re going through this and we will be stronger and more prepared for anything that comes in the future.”

Both of them are pursuing premed but Khaliyah is heading to Delaware State University, while Aaliyah is going to the University of Pennsylvania. It will be the first time they will be separated for long and they are excited about what is ahead of them.

In self development June 17, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

How Tinuola Okenimkpe Is Helping Women Find The Courage To Live Their Best Lives After Divorce Or Separation

Ending a marriage you have spent years nurturing can be very hard. On one hand, you are happy you have made a good decision for yourself, on the other hand, you feel an overwhelming feeling of loss.

It can be particularly hard for women who don’t have the right support or who live in a society where divorced women are stigmatized.

For these reasons and more, Tinuola Okenimkpe is sharing her personal experience to help divorced and separated women move on and live their best lives after divorce.

ABOUT TINUOLA OKENIMKPE

Tinuola Okenimkpe, popularly known as Tinu-Ola-Onipekun, was born in Kaduna, Nigeria. She studied Computer science at Yaba College of Technology, Lagos, Nigeria.

She started her journey as an entrepreneur at the age of 19 and currently owns and runs a cake store known as Dreamtreats Cakes.

A divorced mother of 2 children and an adopted cousin, Tinuola, who has a can-do attitude towards life, loves to inspire others to pick up their dead dreams once again, dust them and run with it. She derives fulfilment from helping women get back on their feet especially after experiencing a loss.

BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS

Beautiful Beginnings is an organization she founded to provide support for women who have experienced a loss. She has gone ahead to release her debut book also titled Beautiful Beginnings, focused on helping others find the courage to move on just like she did.

She has another soon to be released book titled Now That You Are Divorced, a step by step guide to finding your groove back.

WHY SHE STARTED BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS AND WROTE A BOOK

My marriage ended after 10 years. From my experience, I found out that society has defined the way a divorced woman should look and how she should carry herself. It was considered a thing of shame and you were literally labeled a failure.

After divorce, one was expected to be silent, and talking about it only made it worse. Due to lack of support both from the community, religious organizations and sometimes even family, most women considered divorce an end to their lives and their dreams.

And many others remained in marriages that should never have been because of the fear of stigmatization. I also found that many divorced people had a sense of overwhelming loneliness during this process and for many, it was literally impossible to pull through.

Over the last 9 years, I discovered a lot of things I wish I had known earlier on. While that knowledge may not have eased the pain, it would definitely have made a lot of things easier and helped me get my groove back earlier.

I am very passionate about helping other divorced women through that season and that is why I started a support system known as Beautiful Beginnings.

HER BOOK – BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS

Reading the book Beautiful Beginnings will give you a fresh perspective and help you find the courage to move on.

You can also sign up for Walk With Me, a 30 days session.

Benefits include:

– Discover the truth about who you really are
– Get tips for going through a divorce with less drama
– Pick up your dreams again…. they are valid and possible.
– Learn to raise outstanding kids despite and in spite of what you are going through
– Find the courage to move on with your career or start a business
– Build a support system
– Get your groove back

GET IN TOUCH WITH TINUOLA OKENIMKPE

Instagram: instagram.com/tinuolaonipekun

Facebook: Tinu Ola-Onipekun

Phone call: 09079006877

WhatsApp: 09079006877

Email: mybbeginnings@gmail.com

This article was culled from Woman.ng, In support of the Author’s work as it relates to marriage and separation. It is not our original content , neither did we conduct this interview.

In self development June 17, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Debbie Larry-Izamoje: How To Spot Emotionally Intelligent People In The Workplace

How a customer is treated when things go wrong has an impact on whether or not the person continues to be your customer; an emotionally intelligent leader understands this and makes adjustments for customers where possible

I was with my friends recently, and we reminisced over secondary school days. We considered the students who were rude to teachers, aggressive and communicated poorly and how they were deemed as brave; those who cried or worried about anything were most times seen as weak.

Subconsciously, what we saw as childhood jokes have become a lifestyle for many. People think emotional intelligence is showing no emotion at all or being overly transparent with your feelings. And who can blame them really? How many courses did they teach in school about emotional intelligence?

When I started doing my research, I found that a good number of young professionals rarely possess all three pillars of success, which are IQ, EQ, and AQ. Budding entrepreneurs are said to be fast learners and resilient, but they unfortunately often fail to understand and regulate their own emotions, especially in business environments. Business environments are usually unpredictable and fast-paced; you must be self-aware to succeed. Self-awareness leads to self-regulation, which is often shown in people with a high EQ.

Are you self-aware? Are you open about how you feel? Are you able to control your tone and pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses easily? Well, you can easily be described as an emotionally intelligent person. Here are a few more tips for spotting emotional intelligence.

No Tolerance for Negative Thinking
As humans, it is very normal to let our thoughts guide us. In short, internal monologues are very important. But a key thing done by emotionally intelligent people is halting negative thoughts. The minute that doubt, fear, or low self-esteem appears, they stop it in its tracks. They understand the power of thoughts and know that a thought is not necessarily a fact. These people are usually at peace with their past and forgive themselves for mistakes easily. Now, this is very important because in business, mistakes are bound to happen, and you must be your own cheerleader. You must ensure that you have a positive outlook at all times and that you believe in yourself.

Great Listeners & Great Social Skills
Have you ever noticed that you somehow make every conversation about you? That you listen to reply and not necessarily understand? This might mean that you’re not very emotionally intelligent. Emotionally intelligent people know that “hearing” and “listening” are two different things. They rephrase a person’s statements in the form of a question to make sure nothing got lost in translation. They understand the importance of communication, and allow room for the other person to speak before they reply. Have you heard people say they don’t talk much to strangers? Or people who say go overboard and become a totally different person in front of strangers? Well, that’s a sign of low emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent people are usually great at networking and people tend to be drawn to them.

Accepting & Tolerant of Diverse & Varied Opinions
They understand that there is power in diversity. You can never catch an emotionally intelligent person who is racist or tribalistic. They also tend to trust people, and this makes for great leadership. Business decisions are usually team decisions, not a one-man decision. How a customer is treated when things go wrong has an impact on whether or not the person continues to be your customer; an emotionally intelligent leader understands this and makes adjustments for customers where possible.

Perceptive & Aware
I smile every time I talk or write about this, because this is one of my gifts. It is so useful as a business person. People with high EQ sense body language and expressions more than words. This, however, does not mean that you try to please people based on body language. People with high EQ are willing to say no where they have to. They don’t have a problem setting boundaries and are very self-aware in tough or heated situations. They always evaluate their emotions and regulate how these emotions are being projected.

The way you are brought up can have an effect on the level of EQ you possess, but you have the power to improve your emotional intelligence and ensure that it does not affect the growth of your business.

In self development June 17, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Adanna Elechi: The Single Girl’s Guide To Dating A Single Dad

Single parents exist. Some people become single parents, not by choice, but as a result of their partners dying. There are also people who do not care about marriage or dating. They choose to be single parents. Some people are single parents because of failed contraceptives, or because things went awry. Things happen that we don’t usually plan for.

The long and short of this is that single parents, or in this case, single fathers are here to stay. Discriminating against them is not even an option, with the way some men are fighting over who will win the title of scum of the earth. It is best to hold the good man you have tight, whether he has a child or not.

As this is the situation some of us have found ourselves in, or will find ourselves in future, it is imperative that we learn how to make our relationships work. To be honest, it can’t be a walk in the park.

There are a few ground rules to know before you decide to go into a relationship with a single dad, feel free to add yours. Ladies, bring out your pen and paper or screenshot as we go.

1. You will never be number one. You heard that right. His child comes first; after God, if he is religious. So prepare your mind for cancelled dinner dates or any other events. If that child’s temperature goes one degree higher than normal, best believe plans will get cancelled. Unless of course, he has the same relationship 50 Cent has with his first son. You chose this life, so don’t fight it.

2. Don’t force the child or children to love and accept you. If you are genuinely nice, they will fall in love with you eventually. I am tempted to say ‘eventuarry’.

3. Not all baby mamas are crazy. Some are, but definitely not all, so don’t come in guns blazing. Buy a figurative gun but don’t load it till she starts messing with you. Don’t go and buy a real gun o, see you see kirikiri o! I pray you never experience it. Spirit of fighting die die die!!! We are children of peace.

4. Men with crazy baby mothers are already stressed, don’t add to the stress by nagging him every day. You are not too cool to be dumped, Sis. I didn’t say tolerate bad behaviour, but don’t go about nagging like it’s the oxygen you need to live.

5. Don’t look down on your boyfriend’s baby’s mother. Trust me, your man was once in love with her too. We are assuming it wasn’t a ‘one nightstand’ here. We are all virtuous men or women who only sleep with the ones for us, we don’t go about sowing our seeds everywhere.

6. If they were never married and they have two children with two-year age difference, run sister, run. That is some planned births going on over there and baby number three is on the way.

7. Trust your man, but bear in mind that Okafor’s law is as strong as the law of gravity. Once that ass has been tapped, there is a very high chance it will be tapped again. We come against every spirit of repeat tapping!

8. Till he has put a ring on it, don’t take up any stepmother role. Love the child but remember to keep your distance. The father should tell him or her about you, you have no business telling them you are now the mom around here. They have a mother.

9. Remember to give father and child(ren) some alone time. You don’t have to force yourself into every conversation or picture. It is one big happy family, but still, let them breathe and be. Get your own life, watch TV or knit a sweater sometimes.

10. If you know you can’t be a part of a blended family, end that relationship now. The world is already filled with wicked stepmothers, don’t add to their number. I am also pleased to inform you that the witchcraft coven isn’t taking any more candidates. If you like, pretend to be good till you go in then change to a monster, some of us will be happy to drag you from blog to blog on social media.

Dear single girl, when you are dating a single dad, or considering dating a single dad, just know it is a different level. You have more than one person to consider in your relationship and it is not a bed of roses. If you like being the centre of attention, this is not for you. If you are the very jealous type, it is also not for you. If you are an instigator, this is most definitely not for you. For the sake of the child(ren) involved, please strive for peace and unity. If the baby mama is crazy, just mind your business and remain sane. If you start showing signs of madness too, wetin you gain? I wish you luck as you make the right decision for your dating life.

Remember to order my book, The Cover, and also connect with me on all social media platforms. I have missed my BellaNaija family. Please, all of you should join hands and pray away the spirit of laziness and writer’s block from my life. Of what use is a writer who doesn’t write?

In self development June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Funkola Odeleye, Temie Giwa-Tubosun Shortlisted As Finalists In the 2020 Edition Of The Cartier Women’s Initiative

Funkola Odeleye and Temie Giwa-Tubosun have been shortlisted as two of three African entrepreneurs who could stand a chance to win the sum of US$ 100,000 in grant at the 2020 edition of Cartier Women’s Initiative.

The Cartier Women’s Initiative which was founded in 2006, has helped women over the years to reach their full potential by shining a light on their achievements, whilst providing them with the necessary financial, social and human capital support in growing their businesses and leadership skills. This initiative is open to women-run and women-owned businesses across the globe and sector with the aim of ensuring a strong and sustainable social and environmental impact as defined by the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals.

Owing to the social impact of their businesses within Nigeria, Funkola Odeleye and Temie Giwa-Tubosun were amongst the selected 21 finalists from a pull of 1200 applications from 162 countries across 7 regions. A winner will be selected from each region and take home the sum of US $100,000 in prize money, whereas the second and third runner-ups will receive the sum of US $30,000.

Funkola Odeleye who is the Co-founder and CEO at DIYlaw, a legal technology company committed to empowering Nigerian entrepreneurs through the provision of accessible and affordable legal services and free legal and business resources. She is also the Corporate-Commercial and Intellectual Property lead at The Longe Practice LP (TLP), an entrepreneur focused law practice.

Funkola has a Masters in Finance and Financial Law from the School of Oriental & African Studies, the University of London in addition to her LLB from the Lagos State University and BL from the Nigerian Law School. Her legal experience prior to founding TLP and DIYlaw cuts across capital markets, investment advisory, compliance, and securities.

She is an Obama Leader, having been chosen as a 2019 Obama Africa Leader and also an Innovating Justice Fellow of “The Hague Institute for the Innovation of Law” (HiiL).

“With our goals aimed at reducing unemployment in Nigeria by 50 percent by 2030, DIYLaw’s services and partnerships at the end of 2019 had created more than 120,000 jobs in Nigeria. Every job increases an individual’s financial independence, provides a chance for stability, and in some cases even offers the possibility of moving off the streets” she added.

Temie Giwa-Tubosun, also shortlisted as one of the finalists is the founder of LifeBank, a medical distribution company with the mission aimed at helping hospitals find critical supplies and deliver them in the right condition and on time within three cities in Nigeria.

Since it’s founding in 2016, LifeBank has consistently ensured the timely delivery of vital medical supplies and blood to hospitals in its service area within 55 minutes’ day or night, thereby relieving doctors of the logistical stress associated with locating blood and giving them ample time to focus on treating patients.

The company has transported more than 20,000 units of blood and other medical products, served 450 hospitals, engaged 5,823 donors, and saved over 6,757 lives.

LifeBank’s ambitious mission is to save a million lives across Africa in 10 years and to reach all of Africa, India, Southeast Asia, and South America to deliver critical supplies around the clock, eventually becoming a profitable public company.

Seven (7) laureates out of 14 finalists from the 2020 edition of the Cartier women’s initiative will be announced in early June 2020. The Seven (7) laureates and 14 finalists will all benefit from financial advisory services, strategy coaching, media visibility, and international networking opportunities, as well as a place on an INSEAD executive education programme.

In self development June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Wunmi Adelusi: How To Stay Visible While Working Remotely

Sometimes, you need to be confident and vulnerable to share opportunities with your colleagues. By so doing, you are helping them turn their candles on while building your social capital. Sometimes, offering value is how to stay visible.

With the recent global turn of events, has become pertinent to redefine workplace visibility beyond physical appearances. Most people have gone digital, so should you. Being available is not enough, you must be seen, and you would need to promote yourself to be seen. You, and the value you offer, must be visible to your target audience to get noticed. You know the saying, “out of mind is out of sight” – that is the rule now. However, the digital space has afforded us opportunities without borders to be visible while working remotely.

Why is visibility important?

The kind of opportunities that fit you only get to find you when you are visible. Being visible is like a magnet; opportunities around your area of competence locate you – the law of attraction.

To Build Your Network

Visibility is that tool that helps you build your network steadily. You don’t want to wait until you need help to start building a network. Now is an excellent time to start. Visibility brings you closer to people of like-minds. Because visibility reflects your values, it makes it easier for the right people to find you and vice-versa.

Reinforces Your Personal Brand

We all are a brand, and whether we are deliberate at working on it or not, it is being built. You know how you forget about someone simply because you haven’t seen their posts on social media for a while, that is precisely how visibility works. The more visible you are, the better your credibility. Ever wondered why big brands like Coca-Cola, MTN, and so on still advertise? They do so to reiterate their commitment to their consumers – staying credible. You are creating how you want to be perceived and rightfully so. You are a brand, and you are your first manager, do it well.

How can I be visible while working remotely?

Maximize LinkedIn

At the risk of sounding cliché, allow me to tell you again that LinkedIn is the ‘real-deal’ for any professional at this time. Have you been there lately? Things have changed! More people are joining every day to showcase their value.

I remember getting a job offer sometime two years ago on LinkedIn. That is still happening because head-hunters are there continually searching for potentials. But it’s only if you are there and adequately positioned that you can be seen.

Glory Edozien, the LinkedIn visibility queen, has been sharing a lot of relevant tips on getting visible on LinkedIn. LinkedIn seems subtle, but it works, particularly for career folks!

Reach out to your circle

Working from home can be lonely. Recently, I wanted further clarifications on a job and I had to send a mail to a colleague for that. It made me miss how I could walk to my colleague’s cubicle in time past. Because working remotely can get lonely, you need to reach out to your circle – it shows you want them to be better at what they do, particularly in this unprecedented time. And for your boss, it puts you in his/her mind. As you share these things with them, it makes it easier for them to remember you when opportunities they consider relevant to you pops up.

While I understand the importance of keeping things at work strictly professional, you can not run this race alone. You need career sponsors and mentors. At the same time, you should always help your team members grow and develop.

The other day, I reached out to a sponsor at work and asked if there was anything I could help him with. With the whole pandemic and his workload, I assumed he might be overwhelmed. He responded, telling me the areas he wants to read on. Swiftly, I swung to action and got him relevant and recently published articles by reputable institutes.

Share opportunities with your colleagues/superiors

Putting someone’s light on doesn’t make yours dim, it only makes it shine brighter. Sometimes, you need to be confident and vulnerable to share opportunities with your colleagues. By so doing, you are helping them turn their candles on while building your social capital. Sometimes, offering value is how to stay visible.

Keep abreast with industry news

In these unprecedented times, there are industry trends you must be aware of. Companies are pivoting; some job roles are going into extinction while new roles are emerging, you should know all these. This helps you stay alert, have reasonable conversations and give relevant comments at virtual meetings, emails, and webinars.

So, how have you been staying visible?

In self development June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Mirabel Centre: A Call To Men In The Justice And Law Enforcement Sectors To Fight To End Rape In Nigeria

We call on men in our law enforcement and justice systems to rise up to the demands of our times and put an end to the growing menace of rape and sexual assault. But most importantly, we urge all men – if you run a hospital, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a school, make it safe for women and girls. If you are a vice chancellor, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a business, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a hotel, make it safe for women and girls. If you run a church, mall, Chambers, airport, airline, petrol station, restaurant, radio and TV station, record label or a mall, please make them safe for women and girls. Every man has the capacity to create a rape free zone and ultimately end all forms of violence against women and girls.

The entire world has been dealing with a pandemic for a few months now – a pandemic that has since almost brought everything to a standstill. According to experts, it is a new virus, a new pandemic, and now we have to adjust our lives just so we can deal with it.

We have learnt to put on a mask, wash or sanitise our hands regularly, observe social distancing and even if necessary stay at home.

But we have been condoning and tolerating a more deadly pandemic for ages now. A pandemic that kills, maims, infects and destroys. It is a pandemic that takes the life of its victims – whether physically or psychologically. Unlike the new pandemic currently redefining our lives, this old pandemic does not spare its survivors – it kills their dreams, their aspirations, their essence and self worth.

The epidemic of rape and its murderous and monstrous inclinations is in our homes, on our streets, in our schools, in our offices, in our communities, in our society. But we have refused to declare it as an emergency of deadly albeit unimaginable proportion. Or how else do you describe a monster that preys on a woman every six minutes. One woman, our sister, our daughter, our mother, our Aunty is raped every six minutes in Nigeria every day. How else do you describe an epidemic?

As men, we are deeply troubled about the epidemic of rape. We are concerned about its unending spate. But we are even more disturbed about the silence of our communities and how this silence is empowering rapists in every nook and cranny of our society. The boldness and effrontery of these rapists have made them deadlier than ever, leaving in their trail deaths, anguish and painful indelible scars.

Every incident of rape casts aspersions on all men and challenges our claim to manhood. Every incident of rape questions our definition of masculinity and threatens the very essence of our humanity as men.

The rape of one woman should give every man something to worry about. It is a bereavement that we should all mourn collectively because of what truly dies in the woman.

When rape happens, nothing indicts good men more than silence. There can be no neutral ground when it comes to rape. You are either the rapist, for the rapist or against the rapist. Hence silence in time of rape is an eloquent position statement. The silence of good men may be a convenient stand but it goes a long way to empower the rapist, condemns and dehumanises the victims and further deepens a rape culture.

We call on every good man anywhere in this country to rise up and speak out against rape. We call on every man, anywhere in this country to take responsibility for creating a society that is safe for women and girls. We can no longer live in a society where women and girls cannot move freely not because there are dogs and lions but because there are men and boys.

Not on our watch!

Let’s do it!

As we take our stand against rape today, we commit to doing the following:

Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women.
Pledge to examine and challenge our individual sexism and the role that we play in supporting men who are abusive.
Promise to stop colluding with other men by getting out of our socially defined roles, and take a stance to end violence against women.
Recognize that our silence is affirming. When we choose not to speak out against men’s violence, we are supporting it.
Promise to educate and re-educate our sons and other young men about our responsibility in ending men’s violence against women.
Pledge to challenge traditional images of manhood that stop us from actively taking a stand to end violence against women.
Accept and own our responsibility that violence against women will not end until men become part of the solution to end it. We will take an active role in creating a cultural and social shift that no longer tolerates violence against women.
Recognize that violence against women is rooted in the historic oppression of women and the outgrowth of the socialization of men.
Take responsibility for creating appropriate and effective ways to develop systems to educate and hold men accountable.
Create systems of accountability to women in our community.

This is our stand as men against rape.

In self development June 15, 2020 By Esther Ijewere

Biodun Da Silva: If It Looks Toxic & Feels Toxic Then It Is Toxic… Get Out Of That Relationship NOW!

The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

“We teach people how to treat us” – Dr. Phill.

We are all created to live dependently; dependent on food for sustenance, clothing for coverings, housing for protection from harsh weather conditions. As much as we don’t like to hear this, humans depend on humans to survive. The success of our life endeavours is contingent upon developing positive relationships with people from all spheres of life.

Physical and emotional dependency is very vital to our overall well-being in life in more ways than one. Human relationship and co-existence is a highly complex and extremely volatile topic. We are cognitively wired differently. It is not a one-size-fits-all kind of conversation and one of the key elements to peaceful coexistence is to understand this.

The need for dependency is why we are in a relationship, be it a business, cordial, or marital relationship. The most vital component of any relationship is the aspect of give and take. For any relationship to function efficiently, there has to some kind of mutual exchange. The absence of this exchange breeds discord which eventually leads to toxicity and, in most cases, dissolution.

A symbiotic relationship exists in almost every aspect of life. Give the earth seed, it will give you fruit in return. When a spouse gives his partner love, care, and attention, he expects all those, and more, in return. When you are vulnerable and divulge your concerns to a friend, you expect that it will remain confidential. A fetus depends on its mother to be incubated and successfully carried until it is birthed. A symbiotic relationship is also a significant factor in business transactions and in civil society.

Understanding that we are wired differently and having respect for other people’s genetic composition, taking cognizant of whom you entrust your life to, and being aware of the courtesies you extend to others are the first steps towards avoiding toxic relationships.

Irrespective of how carefully we avoid toxic relationships, there will be situations where we will encounter people who love to take without giving. They abuse privileges, takes loyalty for granted, and develop a sense of entitlement. So at what point do we draw the line? How do we untangle our emotional and physical dependency from such situations, think rationally, and find a path out of a toxic relationship?

The first step towards finding a path that leads to freedom is to identify what a toxic relationship means to you and how that relationship has impacted your life. Then place value on and prioritize your self-worth. How much are you worth to yourself? People treat you based on how valuable they perceive you to be.

You can be cheap or expensive, there are no in-betweens and if you price yourself cheaply, then you will be susceptible to all kinds of devaluation which will gradually seep into and affect other areas of your life. You also have to recognize what you can and cannot stand for, and what you desire out of life. Trust me when I say human tolerance can only take you to an extent. But most importantly, you will be doing yourself a total disservice by wallowing in toxicity in the long run.

Our relationships with people have the tendency to define us but we have the capacity to change the narrative as to how we want to be treated. Anything below our expectations will breed contempt, which will then lead to self-doubt and may eventually impact our mental health negatively. It is vital to find ways to detach or reduce our emotional dependence on people we are in relationships with.

This can be done by being confident, knowing your self-worth, building your self-esteem, potentials, practicing self-love, and loving yourself enough to walk away when it gets toxic.

Never allow other people’s inability to own up to their inadequacies overwhelm your progress or your sense of accomplishment. People will never hesitate to bring you down if you give them permission to.

Remember, we are wired differently, as a woman, your partner may not see the toxicity he is dishing you. You may even tell him you are uncomfortable with his behavior and he’ll tell you the feeling is mutual and he wouldn’t be wrong. Know where you belong, search yourself, find your peace of mind, and run with it.

Source: Bellanaija

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