self development Archives

In self development May 17, 2017 By Women of Rubies

COMMUNICATIONS SUMMIT SET TO TRAIN YOUNG CREATIVE PROFESSIONALS

The Communicator organizes first Elevate Your Communications Summit for creative people.

The inaugural event is scheduled for May 25th 2017, online via a webinar-styled conference with seasoned industry experts as facilitators. It is specifically designed for Content Writers, Engagement Mangers, Graphic Artists and other team members who form a Communications team either internally in an organization or externally in an agency.

Packed with a line up of speakers to dissect several topics are Nkiru Olumide-Ojo, Executive Head, Corporate Communications Stanbic IBTC; Aligning with a Business’ Critical Need, Oluwaseun Shobo, The Brand Master on Personal branding for Creatives, Nelly Abgogu, Nellies healthy foods; Community Building for brands, Mitchelle Defounga, Creative Director, Noah’s Ark, Design; Aesthetics versus Functionality and George Omoraro, Ragemedia Global on Growing in a Digital team.

This hands-on workshop will discuss the importance of communications in a Business and how their roles make them gatekeepers of several brands.

According to the lead consultant, Tracy Oyekanmi, also known as The Communicator, “Businesses need competent staff to be relevant online and we can also leverage the online space to organize trainings that would benefit people in such roles nationwide. Twenty years ago, some of these roles didn’t exist and the need for capacity development is necessary especially for entry-level staff in these roles.”

Attendees will receive a certificate of participation, discounts on further training from Simon College of Marketing- Nigerian learning partner to undertake Digital Marketing Institute certification as well as gym membership for work life balance with B Natural SPA Group. There will also be access to further mentorship in an exclusive online group after the event.

The submit is free to attend but registration is compulsory here http://elevateyourcommunicationssummit.gr8.com/

In self development May 16, 2017 By Women of Rubies

EDEN ONWUKA: WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP A BATTERED WOMAN

My Heart is heavy, no one deserves abuse. I’m inspired to respond to ignorant comments made to an abused victim’s brave story. In this month of Domestic Violence (DV) awareness, here’s some ways we can make a difference: Asking a DV victim ‘what did you do? is not a good way to give advice. Asking her to adjust ‘herself’ or do some behavior modifications does not address the root cause and places responsibility solely on the victim. Advocating ‘run’ sounds good on paper, but doesn’t offer her the practicality needed immediately. It doesn’t tell her HOW to go about it if she’s unemployed, in a situation where there are no helpers or family etc.

Any statement that doesn’t deflect the pain or impact of the abuse on its victim is unfair and unkind. It promotes a false assumption that the victim somehow contributed to his anger. The issue here is not to blame her, blast her or tell her to divorce, BUT to focus on the abuse. When a bloodied battered helpless woman is crying out for help and all we offer in her pain is distant unsympathetic lectures on her ‘adjusting’ her behavior and ‘taking it’, that’s not love. Whatever religion we practice, if we aren’t showing compassion then it is cold religion and biased judgment and is not the Heart of God.

The reason some people die in pain rather than ask for help is because of unsympathetic vibes from people around them. Why not offer support even if we don’t have all the facts? Offer kindness, and ASK the victim what help she actually needs? Dear Abused Woman, You are beautiful and worthy and you are a Queen.

You do not deserve abuse, irrespective of the facts leading to it. You are not alone and you will yet overcome. You will still experience beautiful dreams beyond this drama. Yes, you can go against popular grains to save your life. You deserve to Live. There are a variety of unbiased professional agencies that can help address this. You alone cannot change him, intentional intervention is mostly necessary. You already won because you cried out for help, it isn’t shameful, it is Courage. Dear Friend, Family, Onlookers of DV, Affirm the victim without endorsing the abuse. Offer support or be a listener without asking dumb questions. Be the shelter and safety net for them in their chaos. Ask how they would love to be helped, without bruising their boundaries.

Empower them towards financial independence until they can find their feet (some DV victims have no means to start a new life and are heavily dependent on their abusers for subsistence). Don’t enable the abuser or disable the abused by your action or words.

Take a stand against violence even if the perpetrator is your brother, father etc Protect the battered woman’s honour. Gossip a No-No. Pray for, and love them back into wholeness and confidence. Signed, One who believes in you. Eden A.Onwuk (C)dreden 10.8.16 #Enlightenmentoverarguments #Educationoverignorance

In self development May 16, 2017 By Esther Ijewere

KEESHA, THE CHICAGO WOMAN WHO IS USING HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCE TO HELP MOTHERS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS

Keesha Hall, a 42-year old Chicago-based mother is on a quest to assist mothers in learning how to help their kids with developmental problems.

Keesha, who herself lived in denial for about 7 years after her fourth child was born, later became determined to learn how to become a champion for her son.

In an interview with Essence, Keesha who is an Entrepreneur and Chair of the Educare Alumni Network, shares how she went from being unemployed, broke and on the brink of poverty to helping mothers with children who have special needs.

What she does

I work privately with clients and go to their houses and help them with their children with special needs. Not all of my clients have children with special needs but the majority of them do.

How to Care for a Child with Special Needs

You have to be understanding and have the patience to be able to live in a household with a child who screams all the time or have difficultly going through life himself. With my son, I’m always grateful for progression rather than perfection because he’s perfect in my eyes and in his own way.

The Challenges of raising a child with Special needs

I’m a mother of four, but I didn’t have this experience living with a child with special needs. I was in denial for a while. He’s 10 now and I was probably in denial for about 7 years. I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that he would struggle or that he would be behind academically. It took years of therapy and years of educating myself, learning more about him and developing patience.

Why she does what she does

If I can help the next person, then they can pay it forward and maybe they can help someone else. So it’s always important for me to give when I have and help the next person.

Advice For Young Mother’s With Special Needs Children

You’ve got to dig deep and you can’t give up. You have to be patient and try to see the world through your child’s eyes.

Source: Bellanaija

In self development May 15, 2017 By Women of Rubies

“GETTING MARRIED IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT NOR A PROOF OF A WOMAN’S WORTH” – SONIA OGBONNA

In our society today, when a man is cheating on his wife with another woman, the other woman is called out and labeled a whore. But the man?

Sonia Ogbonna,who is also a life coach on her Instagram page complained about the double standard regarding this issue.

According to her, women should tackle the problem which is the man and stop shaming the other woman who may or not know whether the man is married.

In her words:

I’M SO SICK OF DOUBLE STANDARDS. Help me understand this please: so when a woman cheats on her man, y’all don’t call a side dude “home breaker” and “wife snatcher”. Instead, wife is labeled as an irresponsible whore.

When a man cheats on his woman, it’s not a man that you will blame. You justify his actions just because,(even though in most cases his married self is the one throwing bread at them babes) and it’s all “side chick’s” fault.

She is the one you will abuse, insult and call names, “husband snatcher aka home breaker”..etc… I don’t get.. The most painful thing is, it’s WOMEN who support, accept and teach their daughters to live according such double standards, not even men sef.

It’s your fellow lady that will call you names and point fingers at you. Stop shaming one another all in the name of idiotic competition based on jealousy and personal insecurities among women. YOUR MAN DOES NOT TREAT YOU RIGHT BECAUSE YOU SETTLED FOR IT AND ALLOWED IT , NOT BECAUSE OF ANOTHER WOMAN.

The reason why women are so bitter, angry, unhappy, lonely and ready to tolerate and settle for nonsense is because they seek the approval of their own worth from men since they are not familiar with it themselves. Purpose of your existence is not all about getting yourself a man.

Getting married is NOT an achievement nor a proof of a woman’s worth. There is so much more to that. Get your life right before becoming someone’s wife. Seek your worth within yourself before you expect it from HIM to acknowledge it.

In self development May 15, 2017 By Women of Rubies

SIJU YUSUF: OBSESSIVE PARTNERS

These ones are another kind of mischance.

Don’t get me wrong, nothing beats a partner who is really into you. A partner interested in every detail of your welfare is fantastic but borderline is when he is becoming too interested in your every detail.

I get, your partner wants to spend every waking moment with you but if this is infringing your productivity or happiness, it sure is a sign you don’t want to ignore.

It is not bad to want to want to be in control of happenings/situations in your life and as a matter of fact, knowing you have or are in control of your relationship can be a morale booster, a push on self-esteem but when your partner becomes dominantly manipulative and controlling, it is only a matter of time before you lose yourself in that relationship.

Obsessive partners are controlling and very manipulative. They want to be the final say, scratch that, they want to be the only say in the relationship. They don’t take no for an answer. It’s either their way or their way. They pressure you till you cave in.

You know what happens with controlling behavior, it fasts degenerates into emotional abuse.

Let’s be real, most violent partners/ relationships don’t start out being outrightly violent. There are usually the tell tale signs.

These are the signs that you need to look out for.

It is okay to get jealous. I mean, who doesn’t get sweaty palms with threats? However, extreme and excessive jealousy is very dangerous.

Excessive jealousy is when your partner has a constant conversation in their head that you are cheating or will cheat and so puts extreme and dehumanizing measures in place to curb this.

Wait, isn’t love supposed to be accompanied with trust?

Trust is fundamental in a relationship. Excessively jealous partners don’t have this. They think their spouses are so vulnerable, they can cheat with anybody. They suffer so much insecurity, it is limiting their reasoning.

Another thing an obsessive partner does is help or mandates you to cut ties with your loved one. This is very dangerous. They try to pull off all plugs that may be your succor should their be a fall out. They are sometimes harsh and brash in their approach of severing ties or they may subtly orchestrate ways to let these loved ones go. They are skilled in manipulation so this is no feat at all.

How do they achieve this? They make you feel guilty. You eat and drink guilt. You never give them enough attention they say. They make it seem like the love they have for you is so overwhelming, they can’t live without you.

Messed up reasoning? Yup! Their reasoning is not only messed up, they mess with yours too.

Your self esteem begins to dwindle till you lose touch with reality.

Experts manipulators they are!

If your relationship is not in its early stages where infatuation is allowed to some extent, you may want to check out what those extreme traits you noticed in your partner is about.

In self development May 14, 2017 By Women of Rubies

5 CHRISTIANS YOU DON’T WANT TO SIT BESIDE ON SUNDAY MORNING

After many years, I’ve finally uncovered the key to a healthy church-going experience: avoiding people. Not all people of course, but there are certain types of people you won’t see me hanging around on Sunday morning.

I know it may seem mean, un-Christian even! But trust me, it’s a necessity. A survival skill, of sorts. Avoiding awkward conversations, peer pressure, and distractions before, during, and after services has revitalized my whole church life.

This secret is something I’ve held very close to my heart, but now out of sheer kindness, I’m going to share with you my no-fail strategy on finding the safe zones at church.

Without further ado, here are the nine Christians you don’t want to sit beside on Sunday morning.

The Unrequited Crush

Whether he won’t stop texting you or keeps asking you out on dates despite your polite declinations, it’s always a good idea to avoid The Unrequited Crush.

The Safe Zone: This safe zone is a lot less about where you are and more about who you’re with. Keep a safety zone of friends around and it’s much harder to get cornered. Bonus: by making sure you two are never alone, you don’t have to hear comments like, “You sure would make sure a cute couple!” Talk about an awkward moment.

The Opera Singer

The Opera Singer has so much vibrato that there’s a rumor she’s the real reason the walls of Jericho came tumbling down. The great news is that God thinks this worship is beautiful. The bad news is you don’t. It can be quite the distraction during your time of worship.

The Safe Zone: You can sit as close as you’d like to the person, as long as it’s not directly in front of them. So you’re in the clear if you’re anywhere behind them, but I recommend a safe zone of three seats to their left or right.

The Loud Whisperers

Loud Whisperers have this burning desire to comment on everything. Sadly, they were never probably taught to whisper. Unfortunately, Loud Whisperers tend to travel in packs so the occasional comment turns into a family discussion that’s almost as loud as the preacher himself.

The Safe Zone: Safe Zones may varies depending on a person’s volume but the only way to stay focused on the sermon is to stay out of earshot.

4. The Walking Bottle of Body Spray

Too much scented body spray. Maybe these people don’t have sensitive noses, or they don’t believe that there can be too much of a good thing. While it’s okay to approach these people for a quick hug, sitting near these toxic fumes can lead to a headache lasting all the way to Monday.

The Safe Zone: Your buffer radius should be one chair for every spritz of body spray. Five spritz? Sit five chairs away. Taking a step outside to breathe fresh air will help too.

5. The Volun-teller

Has someone ever volunteered you to do something without you actually volunteering? That’s what we in the church biz like to call being “volun-told”. Most churches have at least one person who’s always recruiting you to join their ministry without considering your schedule, gifts, or ability to serve.

The Safe Zone: No one is safe. I repeat: no one is safe! Volun-tellers can find you anywhere you are. They’re in the bathroom, the family room, even waiting next to your car. Always know where the nearest exit is and be prepared to duck into the supply closet.

By: Lindsey VanSparrentak

For: http://www.crosswalk.com/slideshows/9-christians-you-don-t-want-to-sit-beside-on-sunday-morning.html

In self development May 14, 2017 By Women of Rubies

6 REASONS TO TRUST GOD IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR MESS

When life gets messy, it’s natural for us to get stressed. Or angry. Or bitter. Especially when life takes a turn we didn’t expect – a broken engagement, the loss of a spouse, the diagnosis of cancer, the death of a dream.

Here are seven reasons to trust God with your tears and not stress when you’re in the middle of the mess:

God is more compassionate than you realize.

Psalm 56:8 tells us that God not only sees our tears, he collects them. That means my hurt and yours is more precious to him than we can imagine. That kind of response from him means he’s trustworthy to work our situation out for our best.

Your situation didn’t take God by surprise.

Just because it caught you off guard, doesn’t mean that God was clueless, too. Psalm 139 tells us that God is familiar with all our ways – where we’ve been, what we’re doing now, and where we’re going. Before there is a word on our tongues, he knows it completely. So, trust what he already knows. True faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 12:1). So exercise true faith by being assured and convinced that God is in absolute control.

God is much more capable of managing your life than you are.

We often believe we have the best solutions to our problems. In fact, there are times I’ve found myself suggesting to God what he ought to do in my particular situation. But Isaiah 55:8-9 assures us that his ways are higher than our ways, meaning his method and his timing in how he chooses to do things are so much better than ours. He is God and I am not. And that just might be what he’s trying to show you and me in the struggle we’re struggling to fix. So, plain and simple, give it to him. He can handle it.

God can, at any time, clear up the mess. So wait for his timing and learn all he wants you to learn in the moment.

Romans 8:28 assures us that “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.” But the next verse tells us how God works things for good in our lives: “For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to become conformed to the image of his Son….” There it is. God wants us to become more like his Son through our struggles. So be teachable. Be open to what he wants you to learn. And be moldable. You – and your heart – might be the one reason God has not yet fixed the situation.

5. God already has the problem solved.

Often we are looking for a certain resolution, before we will consider our problem fixed. But God looks to the details of our intentions and our very hearts. It’s possible the problem still exists because he’s working on something inside you right now, and then he’ll take care of the exterior situation.

6. A messy situation is one of the primary ways God awakens our need for him, grows our dependence on him, shapes our character, and draws us closer to himself.

Life consists of messes. They are not always because you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes they just happen. And often he allows it because he wants to draw us into a deeper dependence on him and show us a new side of himself. Those are the things that make our messes meaningful – they draw us closer to our Savior. I love how James 1:2-3 tells us to “consider it all joy” when we encounter various trials, knowing the testing of our faith produces endurance. “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (verse 4).

God can be trusted. And he wants you to know that. Lean into him during this time and you will know what it means to “find meaning in the mess.”

By : Cindi McMenamin

In Interviews&profile May 12, 2017 By Women of Rubies

GBEMISOLA BOYEDE IS IMPROVING CHILD CARE IN NIGERIA THROUGH HER FACEBOOK GROUP ‘ASK THE PEDIATRICIANS’

Gbemisola Boyede, a consultant neurodevelopmental paediatrician at Lagos University Teaching Hospital, sees children with a variety of medical conditions. And every day, the child development specialist sees mothers making health decisions that they think best for their children, only for those decisions to become the beginning of nightmares.

In Nigeria, according to the World Bank, there are 69 infant deaths per 1,000 births; Boyede believes one of the reasons for this high number is late presentation to hospitals. Mothers will ask advice from other mothers, grandmothers or even the often times contradicting Dr. Google before heading to a hospital. Recently, this trend moved to social media, and Boyede was shocked by the wildly incorrect responses many women got to their questions.

Boyede, who is a fellow of the West African College of Physicians in paediatrics, responded by creating the Facebook group AskthePaediatricians (ATP). When the group started in 2015, ATP’s only member was Boyede; today, it has over 95,000 members and 10 active paediatricians.

“Ask the Paediatricians was born out of the passion to provide accurate information on childcare to mums, dads and caregivers,” says Boyede.

“Doctors in the house, pls how many months can a baby boy sit down?” asks one member of the group. In less than 30 minutes, a paediatrician responded with a link to a thread with information on child development.

ATP has hundreds of photos and posts, as well as a website with educational articles on child health care and responses to health questions specific to its Nigerian audience. The articles reveal an important phenomenon: broad local terms are often used to refer to a variety of different health conditions. “Jedi-jedi,” for example, could refer to diarrhea, dysentery or hemorrhoids, depending on the child’s individual case. ATP stresses the vital importance of visiting a qualified practitioner rather than self-medicating.

On October 1, 2016, ATP organized its first medical outreach to Makoko, a Lagos slum community with limited access to quality health care. Over 1,000 children were attended to by 155 volunteers, both medical and non-medical. The outreach featured health talks, health and nutritional assessments, deworming and a good meal for all of the children. Funding for the event was raised through a GoFundMe account and individual donations from friends.

Boyede is the recipient of multiple merit scholarship awards, including the Provost Prize and College Prize for the Best Overall Student of the College of Medicine at the University of Lagos in 1997-98. She was also named the best senior registrar of the Department of Pediatrics LUTH in 2010. These days, the busy mother of two is even busier with her ATP schedule, but she is excited about its impact.

“We are improving child survival in Nigeria, one mother at a time, through access to the paediatricians on social media who are providing evidence-based information at no cost,” she says.

Boyede has big dreams for ATP, which will soon be registered as a foundation in order to be financially sustainable. She also sees it as an avenue for the dissemination of information about children’s health care.

“I see us running child health education programs on radio, television, internet, TV. We are also planning to have the ATP app for people on smartphones,” Boyede adds.

You can join the Facebook page here : https://www.facebook.com/groups/askthepaed/

Source: http://www.radianthealthmag.com/health-wellness/gbemisola-boyede-providing-access-to-child-healthcare-information/

In Career Gems May 11, 2017 By Women of Rubies

DAKORE AKANDE COVERS GENEVIEVE MAGAZINE’S MAY 2017 ISSUE

Nollywood actress and producer Dakore Egbuson Akande covers Genevieve Magazine‘s May 2017 issue in a plunging neckline fringe dress by Nigerian designer Fruché

Her chat with the magazine covers her life but centres on where she is right now. The actress talked feminism, and her role in the romantic comedy, “Isoken”; a movie on the “Before 30” conversation.

She told the magazine, “Marriage has made me more patient and accepting of mine and others flaws for sure.” And, “…becoming a wife and Mum, and having my own personal experiences deepened my appreciation for women’s rights and stories.”

Credits
Photography: Tope Adenola of Horpload Works| @Topehorpload
Make-up: Remi of Book Of Glam Stories| @bookofglamstories
Hair: Tonye of Vavavoom
Stylist: Tokyo James| @tokyojames
Venue: Renaissance Hotel GRA

In self development May 10, 2017 By Women of Rubies

ESTHER IJEWERE: PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

Few years ago I worked with a “Popular” female celebrity (name withheld) as a Personal Assistant, she worked from home and my work was to resume everyday by 8am, either we have something to do or not I “Go to work”, it was at a point when she wasn’t much of a celeb again and her name was fading away, From PA I turned to a semi “help” with style, she would ask me to pick her kids from school, wash their uniforms, do their assignments, cook for her and sometimes I do nothing at all but we would gist all day , but I learnt alot from her.

I rolled on the template of some of the materials she gave me when I started out , my patience earned me knowledge and every time I remember her I say a word of prayer. Too bad she is totally off the scene now. Nothing last forever!!!!

I am sharing this because I meet alot of young girls lately and when we get talking it appears to me that the only thing they want to get from you is either “Your contacts” or just money, Most are not patient to learn and think outside the box, you test them with little information and they think they hit jackpot when they haven’t even seen the main “pot” at all.

Patience is a virtue, You keep saying you want a mentor but you are not ready to be a mentee with an open heart, Of course I can’t ask anyone to do any of the things i had to do for my “Oga” back then but people test us in different ways.

I am still learning from those in front of me but the ones we want to “Pay it forward” to are not ready to learn , they just want to blow like music stars, Rome was not built in a day, those who are flying now, crawled at some point. They are some steps you can’t skip on the road to success. It’s either you are ready to follow through or you just keep chasing different buses.

We can do better Ladies!!!

Facebook: Esther Ijewere

Twitter & Intagram: @estherijewere

Email: Esther@womenofrubies.com