Rape is very sensitive. I have had my almost rape experience by someone who I considered family.  A story I have on my blog. So this is not about not understanding what it feels like. Don’t try to be unfortunate while dropping your opinion in the comment section (or just sub me on your timeline, I promise I won’t see it)

We cannot keep talking about rape without talking about “False accusations” and “boundaries” 

A false accusation of rape is the intentional reporting of a rape where no rape has occurred. Sometimes when we start this conversations, we are termed insensitive and victim shaming. 

However, if we must talk rape then these other parts cannot be ignored. The idea of falsely accusing a man of rape is not something unheard of. 

Most of us saw the story of a man who spent the better part of his life in jail for a crime he didn’t commit – rape. 

Over the weekend, I read stories from different guys on Twitter. Stories that will leave you wondering if some ladies are mentally ill.

I am also glad that men are learning to speak up, sharing their stories instead of always waiting for the woman’s version then playing the victim. If you don’t share your stories, we cannot help you or understand you. 

Insulting or cursing girls out will not help anybody understand. Narrate and share. 

Dear Men, please Note that, at any point during intercourse or foreplay, once she says “NO”…”STOP”… whether she has received head, kissed you, held your penis, ate pizza, used free wifi, etc. If you continue, it is rape. 

Dear ladies, it is highly important for us to note that regret is not rape. We had sex but he didn’t date me, is not rape. He gave me ordinary 2000 for tfare’ is not rape.

“The cheque he gave me bounced when I got to the bank” is not rape. “He left me to date a girl lesser than I am” is not rape. “He stoped calling me after we had sex” is not rape

And this brings me to rape by deception. Sorry fam, the term exists, however, when reporting such case, please let us know it is rape by deception so we can learn from the deceit too 🤦🏼‍♀️👀

Like you thought he was a man but she is a woman. 😂 the English tire me sha. He told you he is the governor’s son but he is a carpenter… Gists like that 

Accusing a man of rape can ruin his life, destroy his career, drive him to depression and then suicide. It’s a horrible stigma we shouldn’t put on someone who isn’t a rapist. 

Please be sure it actually is rape before you pick your phone to type shit or report the case. And oh, btw, please let your NO be NO. 

The world is troubled enough and we don’t need mixed signals when it comes to sex. If you don’t want sex, please say it and mean it. Don’t say you don’t want sex but go looking for cuddle and spooning. 

“I have a boyfriend but I just want us to make out” what the hell is that? Is your boyfriend suffering from stroke? 

Guys should be able to have the maximum level of self control but please respect yourselves. Stay in your houses! Don’t make things complicated for people. 

Now we are at a point where the man has to keep asking at intervals, “should I stop? Does it feel like rape?” Common fam! 

Dear Men, please stay away from tipsy/drunk ladies. Stay away from children too (no be by age o). I don’t think it’s too difficult to know a lady is vibing with you sexually. Or do you guys need sex consent form now? 6

All I’m trying to say is, we are adults, humans and not animals. Let’s learn to take care of ourselves from beasts in human form. Take necessary precaution and respect your home training.

This seem to be the ready question asked a sexual harassment or rape victim by his/her audience, regardless of whether they are of the same or opposite sex. As awkward as it may sound, this question is often from people of the same sex as the victim. Aren’t they supposed to demonstrate more empathy?

Is this in the bid to confirm known statistics (which have undeniable high tones of ‘agenda setting’)of harassment as a result of indecent dressing or in a callous/insensitive bid to justify the acts of the abuser?

Whatever the case, this question shouldn’t be our default when we encounter victims. The experiences are too horrible to then, again, be asked, if they asked for it. Will it make any difference on your sense of judgement or your humanity/morality should the victim have dressed indecently? *Indecent dressing being subjective. Our definitions of this varies vastly and are often influenced by levels of exposure*. 

I digress.

What a victim, who has damned all consequences to share his/her story begs of us is empathy, love, acceptance, reassurance and support through the dark and lonely paths of healing. 

Avoid asking questions that suggest you question the genuineness of her story and screams ‘you got what you deserved’. If you can’t be supportive, don’t bother. Maybe, ‘choke’ on your questions? (Figuratively). 

For a very long time, there has been confusion about what bleaching and toning are all about. Many people have been wondering if bleaching is the same thing as toning or if both terms means the same thing.

According to Evolve Makeup Nigeria,

Bleaching is an art whereby you take away the first epidermis of the outer layer of the skin and second and third epidermis of the skin which is the finest skin, then one looks entirely white just like an European because you have bleached to the finest layer of the skin which is very risky.

Toning in beauty, means different things. It could either mean to make the body firmer with exercise or it could be means of tightening the pores to minimize acne breakout, reduce oil and balance the skin or it is way of repairing damaged skin caused by the sun or discoloration of the skin due to carelessness. It does not have any side effects it rather restore the dullness of the skin and makes it look attractive.

The issue of bleaching in African continent is a big one. Using harmful chemicals like: Hydroquinone, Mercury and Steroids is terrible for the skin. Always check through your creams and make sure these dangerous chemicals are not included in the ingredients. And those who do cream mixing be sure you are not using harmful ingredients. Research shows that chemicals like Hydroquinone, Mercury and Steroids causes cancer, so by applying these products to your skin, you are exposing yourselves to cancer.

I think by now you should be able to draw the line between Bleaching and Toning. I know most will still want to argue that toning is still bleaching but i wonder what they do when they have sunburn, no matter what you used to clear that burn it’s still toning because it’s simply an act of correcting  or removing unwanted discoloration from the skin.