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Let me start by saying that dating is defined by what you do in it.

Dating is an act of spending time with a person to get to know them well and consider if you want to get committed.

Dating is not necessarily about sleeping with different people to ascertain who you want.

There are 3 ways to date on purpose and following this method can save you from unnecessary heartache.

  1. DATE INWARDLY: This means spending time with yourself to know what you want, who you are, the kind of relationship you want to build, who you are becoming, your personality, values and emotional needs. Gaining clarity in these areas of life helps you understand who you are. Another way of knowing yourself is seeing yourself through the lens of God because your internal lens may be broken if you have not healed from past hurts and you can’t afford to allow your wrong perceptions of your identity keep you stuck. You’re more than you think you are.

 

  1. DATE OUTWARDLY: Definitely, it is necessary to spend time with other people so you can network and engage well with them. Dating is a social word for meeting people and it is what you do in it that matters. You can have friends and spend time knowing them well before thinking about a relationship. Don’t be too quick to get into an intimate relationship with a person, consider knowing them for a while, asking the right questions, meeting their friends, observing patterns, giving value, praying about it and listening to your intuition before getting serious about it.

 

  1. DATE UPWARDLY: This is definitely your relationship with God, unshaken. If you don’t get this part right, it can mess up with the WHY around your dating. You should not date someone to feel complete or valuable.

 

Seeking for approval or validation from a man or woman for that can lead to more identity crisis.

This is still a process because some people haven’t really spent time knowing themselves, hardly go out or have a sour relationship with God. Do you see why you should sit down to also create a plan that can make this strategy work?

 

Here are examples:

 

  1. Dating yourself: Read books around self-discovery, Identity and Purpose.

 

  1. Dating outwardly: Hang out with some friends monthly or weekly, depends on your time. Read about building healthy relationships and boundaries.

 

  1. Dating upwardly: Spend more time knowing God through fellowship. Journaling is good too.

 

Which of these do you need to get better at?

Mrs. Zouera Youssoufou is the Managing Director/CEO, Aliko Dangote Foundation (ADF). Fluent in English, French, Spanish and Hausa, She holds an MBA in Finance from New York University’s Stern School of Business and a BBA in Marketing from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst’s Isenberg School of Business.

At ADF, she leads the Foundation’s efforts to improve the health, nutrition, education and economic empowerment outcomes for the needy, primarily in Nigeria and in Africa. She’s responsible for the Foundation’s short, medium and long-term strategies, provides overall management oversight for the Foundation, and provides support on Social Investments to the Corporate Dangote Group. She also sits on several Boards, including SE4All, Private Sector Health Alliance of Nigeria, ONE Global Leadership Circle, Center for the Strategic Studies on Africa, and ABC Health. As of March 2020, Zouera coordinates the Secretariat of CACOVID, the Nigerian Private sector coalition against Covid-19.

Prior to joining ADF, Zouera was the World Bank Country Manager for Gabon, Equatorial Guinea and Sao Tomé and Principe. As such, she was the front-line person in the relationship with all three governments and conducted day-to-day dialogue with all levels of government, donors and civil society. Zouera spent six years at the International Finance Corporation, IFC (private sector arm of the World Bank Group), where she led the Global Women in Business Program (WIN). In that role, she was responsible for creating opportunities for women entrepreneurs in the developing world, specifically in access to finance. She joined the World Bank Group in 2005 from Citigroup’s Smith Barney unit in New York and Atlanta where she covered emerging markets and 13 industry sectors as an Equity Research Analyst. Her previous experiences include working with the European Union on private sector development issues, and management consulting with Deloitte in Ghana.

In this interview with KEHINDE OLATUNJI, she shares her career experiences, highlighting the need for women to prepare themselves for top positions and responsibilities.

Looking at your background and places you’ve worked so far, what really influenced your choice of career?
The biggest influence in my life, obviously, is my parents who always said things like, ‘you have to do your best at school, and there is nothing you cannot achieve.’ I grew up in Niger and that is a country where we are still struggling with female education. My dad was very clear that he wanted us to go to school and was very supportive and today, we are all doing well in our careers. The success of any girl in life isn’t to be a housewife; we all went to school, and grew up in an environment where this was not normal to do. Also, my dad had opportunities to travel to different places, and he took us along so that we could see different models of how people could learn; that has been the biggest influence.

There are lots of women who have influenced my life and career. Women like Okonjo-Iweala; I met her when I was working on my first project with Access Bank in Nigeria. She was Minister of Finance at that time, and I was working at International Finance Corporation (IFC). I had a conference in London and we were both on the panel; I was shocked when I saw her on the same platform with me. After the event, we got talking and she asked me to give her a call whenever I’m in Nigeria; I never thought she was serious.

I came to Nigeria and told my friends that I was going to Abuja to see her, everyone was like, ‘how do you think you’re going to meet her?’ When I eventually met her, she was the nicest, most supportive person I ever met; I didn’t even think she was going to end up being a mentor to me. Since then, we have had an amazing relationship.

Also, I’ve had mentors that are men. My first boss who taught me about asset management was an African-American man who was pro-African kind of a person. Even now, somebody who I realised has influence in my life is my boss, Alhaji Dangote. What I get from him is just humility; I have never met anybody as humble as Dangote. I have met other rich people, but nobody was as simple and humble; he doesn’t take people for granted. He reminds me of how we all need to behave. Working in his foundation help us to live with these values and show people you don’t have to be nasty and look down on others because you are better than them. On the contrary, we need to lend helping hands to people, and think of how the world can be a better place for all.

Considering the effect of COVID-19 pandemic on the masses, what have you done so far as Chief Executive Officer of CACOVID? 
CACOVID is a coalition of private sector people led by Alhaji Aliko Dangote and the Managing Director of the Access Bank Group, Herbert Wigwe. They came together mid-March, when they saw how the pandemic was shaping the world. They decided that the private sectors in Nigeria needed to do something instead of everybody doing their own thing; that efforts should be put together and have one big private sector coalition. So, that was how CACOVID was birth.

Before then, Aliko Dangote Foundation (ADF) had been working with the Nigeria Centre for Disease Control (NCDC) in responding to the crisis. The first person that was diagnosed with Coronavirus came into the country in February 27, 2020. So, the very next day, the NCDC put out an incident action plan and said N16 billion was needed right away to address the issues. Different donors came in and everybody committed money; ADF gave N200 million; we bought ambulances and other things relating to surveillance system to gather information on people diagnosed with COVID-19. We bought four ambulances, which we donated to the Lagos State Government. So, we fulfilled the N200 million pledges, and while we were in the middle of doing this, Alhaji Dangote said we needed to step it up a notch and CACOVID came to being.

We know that money is needed; we also put our technical committee in place because none of us are doctors or laboratory scientists. It’s very important to have a technical committee that would drive CACOVID in making the right investments that makes sense for Nigeria. In the technical committee, we have people like Dr. Sani Aliyu, who’s the coordinator of Presidential Tax Force, Dr. Chikwe Ihekweazu, who’s the head of the NCDC, Prof. Christian Happi, who’s the scientist that decoded the COVID-19 genome in Nigeria. We also have World Health Organisation, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the United Nations. We have people like these to help drive the thinking about what it is that CACOVID should do.

The two things that came up was the need to increase testing and our isolation center capacity. So, the first two things we did was to ensure that Nigeria got enough testing supplies and also set up isolation centers in every single state and the Federal Capital Territory; that effort cost billions of naira. For instance, we wanted a hundred bed isolation centre capacities in every state, so we did that. We bought over 4,000 beds, the monitors, the thermometers, basically everything that you need to set up an isolation centre. We delivered them to the 36 states and the FCT. So, that was the first expense, and testing was the second.

As time goes on, lockdown happened, and the idea of palliatives came up. If you tell people to stay at home, it means no traffic and the people who sell by the roadside wouldn’t have a means of livelihood anymore. People who have to get up and go to work are not doing that anymore, so what happens to them? The drivers and people who have to go out everyday to make a living? So, that was when the idea of the palliatives came up.

We made sure the 36 states and FCT received their allocations according to the proportional number of families. That is about 1.7 million families, and a total of 10 million people. These 1.7 million families each received 10kg of rice, 2 cartons of noodles, a carton of Spaghetti, 5 kilos of sugar, 1 kilo of salt, and either 5 kg bag of Maize, Semo or Garri, depending on where they live in the country.

As a career woman, do you think enough is being done to promote women representation in work places?
I think there is still a glass ceiling, although we have made a lot of progress, but there is still a lot that needs to be done. How many women do we have on the board of companies in Nigeria? How many do we have as CEOs of organistions? How many women do we have as head of states? The reality is that we don’t have a proportional number of women in charge in the society.

For instance, in the medical profession, both genders can be doctors, but how many ends up being Chief Medical Director (CMD)? How many women are in charge of the health sector? These are examples of glass ceiling. There are some things that are perceived hampering women in the course of doing their job. For instance, when a woman is married and begins to have children, it does something to her career. The two times I had my children, my colleagues who were performing less than me at my work place, got promoted over me because I took four months of maternity leave. It proves that there is a glass ceiling. If everybody just goes to work, without raising a family, how do we sustain humanity? Women need support. Ngozi Okonjo Iweala is the first Minister of Finance that is a woman, and that was in the year 2000; other women were minister of women affairs, or social issues. If you look at the Stock Exchange, how many women are running the companies there and how many women are Chair of the Board of Companies? But I think the attitude is changing; when I look at my daughter, I wonder at her expectations because they are totally different from mine. She completely believes that nothing is going to stand on her way to do whatever she decides.

Some companies are trying, but I think it has to be discussed and promoted; women should not be seen as a threat because they are not. It shouldn’t be such a big deal that we are still talking about how we don’t have enough women on our corporate board. Surprisingly, it is the same everywhere, however, Nigeria is not really doing badly. In Africa, the only example we can point to where they have half male and female parliament is Rwanda, and that’s because of the genocide experience. Sometimes, we don’t need such a horrible history to get there, but nowhere so far in the world do we have disparities the way we have it in some countries. So, we still have a long way to go and I do think that a lot of conversations are happening around this. I think efforts are going on in different parts of the world, but we are definitely not where we need to be yet.

How can organisations, professional bodies and government help to improve the situation?
We have never had a female governor in Nigeria yet; we’ve had deputy governors who are female. I really think corporate organisations are trying; the Nigeria Bar Association last year did a lot of discussion on gender issues, women lawyers, women judges and how to get more women into the profession. I spoke at the event and it was really good, because it was like a realisation for everybody. Men are used to working with women, not that they are shock that there is a woman in the office, but a situation where we don’t make it to the peak, is a challenge. I believe this is because of the networks we don’t have.

For instance, if you were not in the conversations when the bosses are discussing something, how would they be thinking of bringing you in? The stereotypical example in developed countries is the weekend golf games.

Few women play golf, so, when the boys are out there playing golf, hanging out at the weekend, if you’re a mother, that is the time you have to take care of the children. So, how do you get into the conversation of promotion? A lot of people support, encourage, nurture, and promote the people that they see in their comfort zone everyday, and so, if you’re not in that comfort level path, then organisation has to make an extra effort to think of you for promotion as a woman.

What should be done is to actively and deliberately promote women. If the government decides that in Civil Service, we need to have some level of clarity and everybody who is a permanent secretary cannot be a man, then, we are actively looking to promote women. Things like this have to be done deliberately, otherwise, everybody just stays in their comfort zones and women are not necessarily part of it.

What role do you think women can play in bridging the gap?
I actually don’t agree with the idea that women don’t like to work with themselves. I think it is true that some women are like ‘I have to fight my way to the top, I have to struggle to do it, and now that I have made it, this other little girls who just want to quickly climb the ladder, have to struggle too just like I did.’ Some women really feel that way. But what I find out is that, we also are part of the stereotype thing. If you give me two CVs of a boy and a girl and they have the same qualification, it is most likely that I will pick the girl; that is because I am a woman. So, I don’t think it is true that women don’t want their counterpart to succeed; that is a narrative that men promote.

Women are way supportive of each other; we discuss things that pertain to us. You can’t discuss breast-feeding with a man in the office; different women and different ways though. Some are supportive and some are not; some wants to work with women, and others would rather not.

So, what is your advise to women?
Women need to be ready for these top positions and responsibilities. Women need confidence and self-development to get to top positions. They should not expect that because they are women, and it is their turn, they should get it.

They should be prepared. Just like everybody is getting to do extra courses and certification, they should be doing that too. There is no excuse for you not to get things done like the male gender. We should never have a sense of entitlement; we are not entitled, nobody owes us. We have to work just as hard as men to get to where we need to be.

We also need to self-assurance. What I found out as one of the biggest obstacles for women in the workplace is, lets say there is a job that is advertised and 10 criteria are listed to get the job, a woman will have eight of the criteria, but will be discouraged because of the remaining two that she doesn’t have. Meanwhile, a man with just three will apply, and get the job. So, the woman will be wondering how did he have it? So, women need to put themselves forward; get all the knowledge, training, and the most education that we can, get the assignment that nobody wants to do. Then, when it is time for promotion, you will be recommended.

Although certain social and economic situations for women have improved, but when it comes to personal finances, a lot of women still have hurdles.

Given your experience, how do you think women can overcome these challenges?
When I was working in City bank, the company had something called Women and co; it’s like an investment for women. I was wondering that why do we have separate investment for women? But it was clear that women were not making the most of their financial capacity and investment; they wouldn’t take the same risk as men. A very clear thing is that women and men have a very different perception of risk. It is not that women are risk averse, is just that we don’t assess risk the same way men do. My husband will be ready to mortgage our house for a business venture, and

I’ll be like what if something goes wrong with the business?
So, women don’t look at their finances the same way men do. We have a lot of social issues; there are lots of things that hinder women from being all that they want to be. Financial services for women are a huge opportunity to get women to invest their money in the best possible way. I believe in being independent; I think women needs to be independent. Where they can take care of themselves, they should. When women are overly dependent on men for their livelihood, they give their power away. There is a part of you that has to be responsible for you. You cannot give your entire life to a man; you can be married and respect your husband as an independent woman. I have been married for 25 years, so its not like I don’t know what I am talking about. Being in a relationship comes with some level of submission, compromise and trying to make things work, but I think it is important to remember that we are individuals and God made us two. It is important for women to understand finance and make decisions. You cannot be 100 per cent dependent on somebody else once you are an adult.

Are you in support of a joint account for married couple?
My husband and I have three accounts; we have a joint account and separate accounts. The reason I have my own account is that we don’t want to have conversation about how I need to buy a pair of shoe. There is a part of our money that is jointly owed because we have a joint life, and joint responsibilities. He has his money and he can do what he wants and I have my own money, and I can do what I want with it; we decided this when we were getting married.

Our church has a mandatory counseling session for intending couples and so we had to discuss with our pastor how we wanted our lives to be. They ask very difficult questions, like ‘what happens if you don’t have children? What happens if you have a disable kid? How do you see your financial life and how are you going to manage it?’ So, these three things works for me, but some people don’t know how much their spouse earns. Everybody should do whatever works for them.

Picking a mate is the most important decision a woman ever makes; men too, but I think for a woman, picking a mate who supports you, who will be there for you, who will be a good father for your kids, who will let you be all that you can be, that is really important.

When it comes to choosing career path for children, what is your advice for parents?
My advice as a parent is to look at what your children are good at and encourages them to do it. Too often, we have a specific career we want our children to do, because we think that is what they should do. But, I think it’s important to let children do what they actually are interested in.

What do you do at your leisure time?
My favorite thing to do is read; read and write.

Source: Guardian

Parenting can be very challenging, even when both parents are available, let alone having to do it all by yourself. It is hard and draining!

5 dating tips for single mums
5 dating tips for single mums

So it is understandable if dating is not your priority at the moment as a single mum. Take all the time you need.

This article is for single mums who are willing and ready to give love/relationship a shot again. Here, I’ve shared strategies and tips Single mums who are currently dating swear by —hopefully, they’ll help you, too!

1. Ditch the Guilt

Guilt may creep in. Especially on occasions where you have to leave your kid(s) in the care of someone else to go out on a date. Release the feelings of guilt. As much as you want the best for your kids, you also deserve to be happy and have fun. Take time away when you need to

2. Prioritize Dating

I know it sounds weird. How can dating be important when you have 1 million pending items to check off your todo list? A happy mum makes a happy child(ren). It’s easy to sit home and be tired and follow the same routine every day and totally forget yourself. Don’t!

3. Know your Deal Breakers

A misfit between your kids and the person you are dating is definitely a deal breaker as you don’t want any friction or pressure added to the one you already have.

4. Be Blunt

Be straightforward with your expectations. Dating as a single mum is a lot different from dating as a spinster. You need to be able to state clearly what your expectations are. Are you looking for a buddy to hang out with and just have fun? Or are you looking for a life partner? It’s best to find out if your relationship goals align as early as possible to avoid drama and time wasting.

5. Don’t be desperate

People automatically assume being a single mum makes you desperate for companionship. You need to empower yourself financially, emotionally and mentally. That distinction is important because it changes the power dynamic.

 The easiest way to get healthy skin is by incorporating certain nutritious foods into your diet. Save money on cosmetics and skip filter if you try these natural and inexpensive foods.

Carrots

This vegetable has high levels of beta-carotene which is turned into Vitamin A in the body.

This vitamin has been found to decrease the skin’s oil production, and there’s also some evidence that it can improve psoriasis.

One cup of carrot juice straight or in your smoothie will give you about 22 mg of beta-carotene, as well as a good dose of vitamin C, which also could help the skin appear more firm and plump.

READ ALSO: 3 easy homemade treatment for your hands

Avocados

Avocado is a superfood used in many face mask. They are a rich source of Vitamin C and E. Avocados are rich in antioxidants, vitamins and fatty acids that can really improve your skin from the inside. You can directly apply the pulp on your face for deep moisturization and regeneration.

Oranges

Citrus fruit, orange is a loaded with Vitamin C which helps reduces wrinkles, dark spots, and blemishes. Oranges peels also do wonders for your skin with its anti-aging properties.

Eggs

An egg is a popular ingredient in the most face mask. The amino acids found in protein-rich foods like meat or eggs are the building blocks of collagen production.

Dark chocolates

Aside from the numerous health benefits, dark chocolate is great for skin firming. It also has flavonols, which is a very potent antioxidant.

In this article, you will discover some of the natural ways to make your teeth white and shiny.

5 natural ways to make your teeth white and shiny  [thehealthy]
5 natural ways to make your teeth white and shiny [thehealthy]

Although everyone desires white and shiny teeth, there are some who have resigned themselves to the belief that nothing can be done to bring their wish to reality.

After all, they’ve tried every possible means to make it work without achieving a positive result.

Well, you might as well change your belief if you’re one of them; because, in this article, you will discover some of the natural ways to make your teeth white and shiny.

Here are five natural ways to make your teeth white and shiny

1. Banana peel

Surprising but efficient, the banana the peel has been proven to contain lots of magnesium, potassium and other teeth whitening minerals that can make the colour of your teeth look better.

However, it is very easy to use the banana peel method. Rub it on your teeth for some minutes after brushing and rinse out of your mouth with warm water.

2. A mixture of baking soda and hydrogen peroxide

Both the hydrogen peroxide and the baking soda have been known to give results when used singly and have been used as home remedies for whitening the teeth for quite some time now,

As a matter of fact, a mixture of the two is bound to give better results.

This remedy is used by mixing the hydrogen peroxide with baking soda and forming a sort of paste, which is then used as a toothpaste.

However, it is not advisable to make use of this remedy regularly because of the abrasive nature of its components.

3. Baking soda and lemon combo

The paste is formed by using half a lemon and a teaspoon of baking soda.

Apply it in your teeth using a cotton bud and let it stay for a few minutes (not less than one minute and not more than two minutes).

Use your regular toothpaste to wash off afterward.

4. Baking soda and coconut oil

When it comes to either home remedies of DIYs, coconut oil is king. And this is because it contains a lot of nutrients and minerals.

However, when combined with baking soda, they form a teeth whitening paste that can be applied to the teeth for a few minutes before washing off.

Apply baking soda and coconut oil paste to teeth for few mins and rinse with warm water.

5. Use of foil and toothpaste

Cut out two rectangles of aluminum foil and rub your toothpaste or any of the above homemade remedies. Use the foil to cover the teeth on your upper jaw and lower jaw and leave it for a few minutes before removing it.

In conclusion, when making use of the homemade remedies, remember to apply them consistently, because that is the only way you can get your desired result.

Tsitsi Dangarembga and Maaza Mengiste have been shortlisted for the Booker Prize for fiction this year.

Zimbabwean novelist Tsitsi Dangarembga and Ethiopian-American author Maaza Mengiste’s two novels “This Mournable Body” and “The Shadow King” respectively, made it to the longlist among 13 contenders, which were selected from 162 novels by a panel of five judges. Now, they have also been shortlisted for the prize.

“The Shadow King is on #TheBookerPrize Shortlist!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know what to say. OH MY GOD! Elelelelelelelelelele” Mengiste shared on Twitter after finding out the news. 

 

The Booker Prize for fiction is a literary prize awarded each year for the best original novel written in English and published in the United Kingdom.

The Booker prize, has been won by three Africans, Nadine Gordimer, Ben Okri, and J. M. Coetzee. Africans who have been shortlisted are Marie NDiaye, Noviolet Bulawayo, Chigozie Obioma and Oyinkan Braithwaite. 

The winner of the 2020 Booker Prize receives £50,000 and can expect international recognition. The shortlisted authors each receive £2,500 and a specially bound edition of their book.

Dangarembga and Mengiste are the only two writers from Africa on the list of 6 authors. Other shortlisted authors include:

  • The New Wilderness” by Diane Cook
  • Burnt Sugar” by Avni Doshi 
  • Shuggie Bain” by Douglas Stuart
  • Real Life” by Brandon Taylor

Watch the shortlist announcement:

I was in my room one night, basking in the darkness and silence of it, when my sister put on her radio.

I hate noise. I hate it more when the moon is out, when the curtains are drawn to kill the little rays of light straying in from outside, when everywhere is still, the room is the colour of black and all I want to do is to live in my head and fall in love again with my imaginations.

But the OAP’s voice was sad and she sounded like she was sniffing. There were a lot of awws and I’m sorrys and my ears were suddenly stretched forward – like that of Bebeto, our silly, troublesome rabbit. That night, she asked callers to share any experience they had of when they found it difficult to forgive themselves.

One caller’s – let’s call him Aremu – story is one I’ll never forget.

Aremu had been dating this lady – let’s call her Kauna – since they were both undergraduates. Like many youngies, they were broke, madly in love, and had lots of sex. Now, having lots of sex means that one day, the tip of the condom might tear, there may be no condom available and you will use the withdrawal method – and, of course, small semen might have found its way into the vagina, or you may use pills, or just have the sex and rely on Insha Allah and vibes not to get pregnant. Being madly in love also means that when you make a mistake – like getting pregnant when you don’t want to, you erase this mistake, shake body like say nothing shele, and still set your bodies on fire at night.

But when these mistakes become very frequent, the person whose vagina is constantly prodded with metals, who had to watch blood flow down her thighs or the dismantled foetus drawn out of her will complain. There will be apologies. Begging and cajoling will swiftly follow, too, accompanied by “just one more time.”

This was the case of Aremu and Kauna.

Even after they graduated from school, Aremu was still not ready to become a father, although Kauna frantically begged him to let her keep the pregnancy. “I was waiting to become financially stable. I didn’t want to bring children into this world to suffer,” he said.

But years after they got married, and were both financially stable, they had no child. Every attempt to get pregnant failed. Fear became desperation, desperation gave way to despair, and Kauna slipped into depression. When you want something so badly and you cannot get it, the desire grips you in ways you cannot explain. It grabs your jugular and sucks air off your lungs, it pummels your heart and chews your intestines slowly and steadily until you shrivel from within. It was this desire that ate up Kauna until she became bones. Aremu was weighed down by guilt, “I kept wondering if it was my fault. I was the one who asked her to abort our babies. I didn’t know what to do.”

Kauna eventually died without a child.

“I have not been able to forgive myself. Every day, I regret asking her to abort our babies. Every day I feel I killed her. I cannot sleep, I keep seeing her face. She really wanted to have a baby and it is my fault she didn’t have any until she died.”

It is over a decade ago but I can still hear his voice clearly. His voice is still shaky, thick with emotions, crackly with tears. It dripped guilt. When he said “I really loved her and I cannot forgive myself,” he was undone, gasping, choking on his own tears.

“Forgive and forget” is probably one of the most abused phrases in the world. No one, nothing, tells you how hard it is to forgive. The burden it places on you. The tightening of your chest or the way big balls of sweat escape your pores.  How do you forgive yourself if you are Aremu? Do you say “but I loved her”? Do you say “but she also agreed to it”? What do you say to console yourself? How do you forgive yourself when you are the cause of the accident that killed tens of people, yet you’re alive and well?

How do you forgive that man who calls himself your father? Who dumped you at the orphanage when your mother died, told you that you were his worst mistake, but suddenly came back, after you were successful, to seek forgiveness? How do you forgive your rapist? How do you forgive your mother whose toxic words still haunt you?

Forgiveness can be a burden sometimes, like something you have no choice but to do. The world expects it of you and you expect it of yourself too. The world makes you feel like you’re the devil if you refuse to forgive those who have wronged you. There’s the “for how long do you want to keep this in mind?” There’s also the “they are your family, your blood, you have to let it go. “Then there’s the “what is past is past, move on” (I really hate this one, but isn’t it true? Can you take back the hands of time?) They say forgiveness brings peace, but what if you don’t want peace?

The world tells you to forgive and move on, but they do not teach you how. They do not tell you that forgiving yourself is the hardest part of it all. They do not tell you that to forgive yourself is to break a part of you and bury it deep into the earth. It is to sprinkle tears on your past and try to make it look misty. They do not tell you that your past can sometimes be a ghost, appearing to you in the oddest of place and relieving the oddest of tales. They do not tell you that sometimes forgiving yourself feels like a betrayal to your loved ones, like Aremu moving on, living life, marrying another wife, and having many kids. Sometimes, forgiving other people feels like a betrayal to one’s self, like letting go of that person when you have made up your mind to deal with him/her. The world does not talk of this hollow you feel inside of you. This emptiness that is so filling it consumes you.

Forgiveness is hard. Still, it is not impossible to achieve. I don’t know where Aremu is. I still think about him all the time. Is he married now? Did he find love? Does he have kids? Or is he dea… never mind. But if I ever meet him, I’ll tell him that the dead is dead. The world never stops because someone dies. As long as we are alive, we must do everything we can to keep sane. And perhaps forgiving ourselves and others is one way to keep sane.

 

About the Author

Oluwadunsin is a Writer and Editor from Lagos, Nigeria. Her works have been featured on BellaNaija, The Kalahari Review, Barren Magazine, and others. Want to get in contact with her? Easy!! Send a mail to dd4damidunsin@yahoo.com. You can follow her on Instagram @oluwadunsin___ and on Twitter @duunsin.

Have you ever wondered what your college career would have looked like if you’d been more prepared for it? Or, do you hope that today’s youth would know more of what they’re walking into, to determine if college is or is not for them? Nitiya Walker is making sure that those hopes, dreams, and questions you whisper to yourself are answered and made into a reality.  

Nitiya, an entrepreneur and trailblazer, has created hope under the chaos of COVID-19, with the first college preparation program geared toward young women of color. Seeds of Fortune is a New York City-based scholarship program with a national reach that aims to financially empower young women of color by helping them apply for college scholarships. With the threat of the recent strain of coronavirus creating havoc throughout the nation’s education system, Seeds of Fortune is a constant that young women can count on to advance in their chosen career paths.  

Even within the constraints of social-distancing, this organization is making sure to provide the resources needed by high-school girls everywhere. Recently, Seeds of Fortune launched its online training portal, the Online College Prep Network, for high school seniors of color. The Online College Prep Network, which includes development scholarship/college packages, career skills, and financial literacy through an intensive online prep process, provides young women with an exclusive network to explore colleges whose admissions offices are currently closed.

Nitiya, who is the founder and current executive director of Seeds of Fortune, holds experience in the field of economic empowerment for women and minorities. Through Seeds of Fortune, she has already helped minority young women earn $6 million (and counting!) in college scholarships and grants. 

In this interview with BAUCE, Nitiya chats with BAUCE about the importance of teaching college and career readiness to high-school students around the nation. 

Looking back to your senior year in high school, what experiences are you providing for young girls that you wish you would’ve had yourself? How do you think having access to these experiences would have changed your college experience?  

Nitiya: As a high school senior, I was provided the opportunity to work with a Girl Scout Troop leader who understood the art of getting college scholarships, this allowed me to have the opportunity to be able to apply for college scholarships. I wish I had understood the different colleges’ rankings that there were colleges that provided more money than others, as well as the options available to me as a minority applicant. It would have opened up my college and financial options.  

seeds of fortune
Photo Credit: Seeds of Fortune

Usually, a life-defining moment births some of our biggest and best ideas in life. What kickstarted the need for Seeds of Fortune? 

Nitiya: It was the moment one of my friends from high school was unable to finish at her university and transferred to college closer to home due to affordability. If I did not have someone that took the time to teach me how to obtain scholarships for college, I would not have been able to obtain the Full Tuition Posse Leadership to Babson College.  

When do you think that it is important to teach young black girls about practicing financial freedom in their lives and why?  

Nitiya: Young women should be taught about finances once they are entering middle school, it is important to start to develop good money habits, by the time they start high school and are legally able to work they would have started to understand money. This includes saving for birthdays and understanding a checking as well as a savings account.  

I think it’s symbolic that the word “seeds” is emphasized in the name of your scholarship program, as it paints a picture of planting something early to reap the harvest later in life. Do you think that patience plays a big part in college readiness while training one’s career and financial management skills?  

Nitiya: We emphasized that there are a process and community to life and the more you invest and perfect your process the more prepared you will be. A seed is planted, however, in order for it to successfully transform into a flower, it must be watered, given sunlight, nutrients to grow into its full potential. We value and provide the ingredients for their success, but they are the ones that must own it and use it to their advantage.  

seeds of fortune program
Photo Credit: Seeds of Fortune

Speaking of patience in the journey of success, I know COVID-19 has had a part in creating a shift within your organization. What’s the silver lining in all of this for Seeds? 

Nitiya: Although Covid-19 has been a stressful time for students at the moment it has provided the opportunity for them to form a community online. Our Seed online college prep platform allows them to have a safe space where they can connect on their concerns for the future, push one another to fulfill their greatest potential, and obtain information to make them more savvy consumers in the college process.  

Many middle-class students of color find it hard to find scholarships that fit them into their category. Their households may make too much to qualify for scholarships that amount to big totals, but do not have a way to fully fund their tuition. What are some tips on how to look for more inclusive scholarships with flexible requirements? 

Nitiya: Students in middle-class families should focus on scholarships that are focused on leadership, community service, status as (women, minority, or career major) and merit-based scholarships. These scholarships are based on their academic achievement, commitment to their community, as well as their ability to enter spaces that are historically lacking diversity. 

They should also localize their scholarship search applying to scholarships offered by the church, mosque, unions, community banks, sororities, and social clubs. Seeds has an online training portal for current high-school seniors to prepare them for what they may be facing in the fall. What is the most effective thing that a high-school senior can do now to prepare them for their collegiate journey?  

Treat the college process as a financial investment, begin researching which schools have high employment rates, understand the  colleges that offer 100% aid to cover college costs, find online programs to become involved with that are connected to their intended major,  request information sessions with admission officers to allow you to stand out in the applicant pool.   

seeds of fortune
Photo Credit: Seeds of Fortune

Being away from family, certain routines, and regulations can lead to over or under doing things that you’re used to having guidance with. In most cases, this can be overspending or purchasing things you don’t need. How can a college student live on an efficient budget, while still enjoying some of the things they love? 

Nitiya: Technology has leveled the playing field when it comes to managing finances in college and keeping track of expenses. I  recommend the Clarity app. It allows you to track your spending on your credit and debit cards, apply for the Goldman Sachs Marcus High Yield Savings Account with a 1.3% interest rate, and eliminate subscription services that might be draining your finances. They also tell you what categories you have been spending heavily on. The more you can watch your money, the more responsible you are able to be with it.  

It is also important that they begin to start emergency savings accounts, keeping at least $500 in their savings account at all times. It is important to open up both a checking and savings account because money tends to disappear easily between food, online shopping, and activities with friends.  

As students enter college, some are applying for internships and jobs for the very first time. With little to no experience, this can seem intimidating. What are some ways that students can practice their career skills while making the application process seem frightening?  

Nitiya: I recommend students create career support networks both virtually and in person. Some of the resources we currently suggest to students are connecting with their career center on campus, the career center has a job portal and staff to review a resume and navigate applications. Additionally entering their resume into minority career pipeline funnels like  MLT, Inroads, SEO, and Jopwell that are able to help screen their applications and sharpen them to become top applicants. Last but certainly not least create a LinkedIn profile. When a student sets up a LinkedIn account – LinkedIn is able to access the strength of your profile, similar to an online job application, who can typically apply directly to jobs through your LinkedIn profile.  

If you could encourage young girls to attend college with one of the most valuable benefit from the experience, what would you tell them? 

Nitiya: College is an accreditation to enter into the white collar workforce, however the brand you build behind that accreditation is the reason why you should go to college. You create networks of like-minded individuals, it transforms the way you view and see the world, and provides you the opportunity to mold yourself with structure into the person you want to become. Life is not what you want to do but who you want to be.  

 

Ogundowole Moyinoluwa popularly known as Moyinoluwa Gold is a graduate of Geography and Environmental Management from Tai Solarin University of Education.

Her passion for the growth and development of teenagers, orphans and vulnerable children birthed her NGO, Gold Heart Foundation.

She is a social development practitioner, a certified passionate teacher and digital skills trainer.

She shares her “Ruby Girl” story with the team.

1. Let’s meet you. Who is Moyinoluwa Gold?

My name is Ogundowole Moyinoluwa. I’m a graduate of Geography and Environmental Management from the premier university of education, Tai Solarin University of Education, Ijebu-Ode, Ogun State. I’m an indigene of Owo in Ondo State. I am a social development practitioner, a certified passionate teacher, digital skills trainer. I’m passionate about the growth and development of teenagers, orphans and vulnerable children.

2. What birthed Gold heart foundation and what is it about?

I discovered in the course of studying the Bible that God is compassionate about the poor and the orphan. Jesus also demonstrated how much He loves children by always reaching out to them. Following in His footsteps brings me untold joy. I believe I was destined to do what I’m doing now. As I use my gifts properly, I’m lighting my world. By reaching out now to younger people, I’m doing my part to ensure that the future for our nation is better than what it is today.

3. In a society where most people shy away from taking up teaching as a profession. What prompted you to settle for it? And also major challenges encountered so far?

Talking is one of my strengths. I love passing down knowledge and school is an avenue to pass down knowledge I have received. I love children, school is also where I can easily get more children to relate with. So, my passion made me settle for teaching as a profession.

One of the major challenge is the school environment; I don’t find it so well to teach students theoretically without the practical aspect, this always made me unhappy though I still try my best to improvise by teaching beyond classroom using my phone, laptop and other instructional materials for effective teaching.

4. To what extent did your job as a teacher contribute to the startup of Gold Heart foundation?

I started Gold Heart Foundation before being certified as a teacher. But, when I began working in the school system, I was able to use teaching methodology in the running of the organization especially during our outreach to schools; which made it easier to connect to young people.

 

5. What are the challenges you faced when you started the foundation? Do you still experience them? And also how were you able to overcome them?

(Smiles) The naysayers jeer at me: ‘You’re just wasting your time and resources on these ones [the children &youth], they will never change. Enjoy life with your resources.’ I was never discouraged because my native aphorism clears it all up, “Emi lo ni pasan mi,” meaning, I own my passion. I believe and will continue to believe that every teenager has been specifically prepared to do something positive in this world. This is the reason I’m committed to helping them find that good thing and do it. I don’t experience it any longer because the vision is now tangible and many that didn’t buy into it then now support.

6. What has the Covid-19 pandemic opened your eyes to?

This pandemic is a blessing in disguise for me; instead of seeing the negative impact, all I see are opportunities, energy to diversify. It has opened my insight and foresight in all areas.

7. What are some challenges NGOs owned by young Nigerians face and how can it be mitigated?

Proper structuralization of vision; when the organization vision is not well structured, well planned and lay out, one can be frustrated. It can be mitigated by learning from social development practitioners experts, those that have experiences in that field and one should be open to learn with a shift mindset.

Another challenge is funding; people tend to speak well of what you’re doing but are not readily inclined to commit themselves financially. Due to this challenge, there is limit to the air of humanity we can spread abroad but through coined out strategies, creativity and networking, generating and accessing fund is possible.

 

8. What was growing up in a Nigerian home like for you? Did it in anyway contribute to everything you do now?

Growing up in typical Nigerian home (laughs) has a lot of influence on what I do today. My childhood was a lonely and bookish one. All that my parents were interested in was education—from school to lesson (even during holidays) and back to the home for personal coaching with my parents who were educationalist. I didn’t play much like other children did. So, it made me realize how important and valuable education is. More so. I can remember fighting for my friends, siblings and parents because I hated injustice and still do. The advocacy spirit has been in me from inception.

 

9. How do you cope with dealing and managing adolescents?

There is something I’d train myself on; is to love unconditionally. When one shows genuine love to the adolescents, they embrace it and submit to you. So, I love and appreciate them. Also, I gave my time and resources in studying and researching on child’s psychology, so, I can and relate with them better, since they’re the target population I have decided to settle with.

10. If you were to be the President of Nigeria for a day, what would you change?

Uhmm… I will invest in the education sector by providing a conducive environment for learners and teachers and recommend that the school curriculum be reviewed to include innovative and entrepreneurial courses alongside leadership development. There is so much we can learn from using the internet to our benefit. With these, our students will be equipped with skills needed to navigate the wider world.

11. How do you juggle running an NGO, teaching and other engagements?

Time management is key. It is not easy but over time I have learnt how to prioritize. Everything, I am doing and involved in are all interwoven, that’s makes it so easier for me to cope with because I enjoy every bit of my engagements. But, currently NGO work is demanding I need to stop teaching in school environment to focus more on the NGO so I will not loose focus and be more productive. Moreover, in the NGO I still teach.

12. Mention 3 women who inspire you and why?

Mother Mary Teresa of her blessed memory; because, she devoted herself working among the poorest of the poor in the slums, taking care of for those persons nobody was prepared to look after even when funds not forthcoming.

Folorunso Alakija (Rose of Sharon Foundation); because of her philanthropic interest in helping the widows and orphans through scholarships and business grants.

Kehinde Okoroafor (Makeme Elegant Foundation); because of her passion and love for the less priviledged and the way she went out of her way to seek for support for upcoming young people in the society in order for them to be visible and relevant.

13. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

In the next five years if God tarries, I will in Gold Heart Foundation International headquarter as a Social development practitioner consultant; consulting for individuals and organization locally, National and international.

14. If you were given the opportunity to address a group of young females ten years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

My dear energetic young female, you can be more. You’ve everything to be more inside of you which God has deposited in you in form of gift, skills, talent; unleash it and make sure you walk with the right set of people to be more. You’re unique and always celebrate your uniqueness, serve your God accordingly.

For many entrepreneurs, it is important to teach their children important lessons that they will be able to use one day in creating businesses to secure financial independence. For one Black woman entrepreneur, creating a new business was one way to create new opportunities for her daughter through their shared love of cosmetics.

Danielle and Samiah Pasha are the founders of The Beat House Cosmetics company that opened on Juneteenth earlier this year. The beauty brand offers an assorted collection of color eye shadow palettes, lipsticks, false eyelashes, and more. While Danielle serves as the brainchild and founder of the company, she enlisted the help of her 14-year-old daughter, Samiah, to work as the interim CEO while she was deployed in Afghanistan for three years.

“I am so blown away by all of the positive feedback I have received from everyone, it’s so surreal,” says Danielle in an interview with Black News. “I remember Facetiming my daughter, giving her instructions and tasks to help me out with the business in my absence and now we are partners!”

Samiah says while the job was hard, she was happy to have a chance to work with her mother, who also has a love for makeup, on her brand. “Most teenagers are irritated by their parents and wouldn’t dare want to work with them—I’m still irritated at times,” says Samiah in an interview with Black News. “But I remember missing my mom and not knowing when I would see her again, so I enjoy every second we get to spend together. Besides, I absolutely love makeup.”

Source: Blackenterprise