Women of Rubies, Author at Women of Rubies

In self development February 20, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Meet Onyi Moss-The Chartered Accountant Turned Creative And Independent Artist

It’s not everyday you come across a qualified accountant who’s now a creative and independent artist – this is the story of Onyi Moss. Born and raised in Nigeria, Onyi grew up surrounded by inspiration from the likes of Onyeka Onwenu and Tracy Chapman whom her parents would have playing on the radio and television over and over again.

Speaking to Onyi it would appear she always had a passion for the arts as she reminisced about her mum’s rose gardens and tie and dye projects which she got to experience as a kid. But the practicality of succeeding socially and financially back then in the creative industry seemed quite farfetched to her hence her decision to pursue a career in accounting.

Having gained a BSc in the subject matter, she successfully took on a role in one of Nigeria’s top leading banks after completing her NYSC. Two years in her banking career, she chose to seek out more for herself unbeknownst to her what the future had in store.

At the age of twenty-two Onyi caught a flight from Abuja International airport to the UK to begin her studies to qualify as an ACCA chartered accountant. Something she was able to achieve within a couple of years. However, things didn’t go as smoothly as she anticipated as she struggled to get a job in finance which saw her unemployed for over a year. It was in that time that she decided to expand her horizon and reconsider her love for the arts.

Stuck at home with very little to do, Onyi began drawing inspiration from other women on her television screen just as she did as a kid. Only this time, these women were self taught photographers who told beautiful visual stories. Rather than pay her rent that month, she took what I can only describe as a bold step to purchase a camera to begin teaching herself photography. She had seen her dad document their family life as a kid using his film camera. Something he was eventually forced to give up when it got stolen.

That was the extent of her experience with photography. But as I got to know Onyi while chatting to her, I realised she’s not one to shy away from what one might class as a scary decision. She took on the role quite literally and began taking self portraits. She learnt about photography and editing by watching YouTube tutorials and made sure to put her new skills to practice. And even when she eventually got a job in finance in a bank, she still carried on with her photography. Sometimes staying up until the early hours of the morning, editing images she had captured after a long day at the office.

Her hard work and dedication didn’t go unnoticed as big name brands began discovering her work on social media and offered to pay her to shoot editorial campaigns for them. Eventually she left her role at the bank even after doing very well there. She managed to gain three promotions in her first eighteen months. But she knew if she didn’t take a chance on herself to see where her new creative passion led, it wouldn’t sit well with her, especially giving the opportunities that had come her way. It turned out it was another great resolve as she puts it.

Onyi went on to win multiple awards for her work and even became a brand ambassador for a top leading UK jewellery brand. She felt the need to not just focus on still images but also delve into film by telling visually pleasing stories. You can truly see the passion in her work. Some of her short films have gathered hundreds of thousands of views on social media. In creating film, she rediscovered her love for writing music as she knows that music plays a key role in storytelling. This is what led her to begin working on her EP.

Her debut single ‘In Your Eyes’ was released a few weeks ago and is currently being played in radio stations across the UK including the BBC. When I asked her what the song was about she described it as “the glimmer of hope that can sometimes be found in loss”. Onyi is very much a dreamer and a romantic at heart. Something that is visible through her work. The meaning of the song does hold true to her. Her music has been very much inspired by the likes of Tracy Chapman and Asa. ‘In Your Eyes’ has an acoustic introspective foundation with elements of folk blues.

Onyi is unsigned and intends to remain that way. She’s the sort of creative who wants to stay true to her soul in her own words. She doesn’t want to get wrapped up in other people’s dreams but instead share hers with the world. She believes not many women have been able to succeed independently in this industry on their own terms and if she can be one of the few examples of women who manage to do so, then hopefully it paves the way for others to take charge of their creative career how they deem fit.

When asked if she had any final words for our readers, she said and I quote “it is important to tell your story because if you don’t, others might do it for you and you might not like the character they make you out to be.”

Source: Guardian

In Editor's Choice February 20, 2021 By Women of Rubies

“I Always Look For The Gaps In The Food Industry And Try To Bridge It”- Orighoye Dore

Someone once said food is our common ground, and a universal experience. The fuel that helps us drive through life with ease. Healthy eating is one of the biggest food advocacy in the world, the food we eat has an immense effect on her physical and emotional wellbeing.

Orighoye Dore “Chef Nylah” is a proud food manufacturer, and an advocate of healthy living. She is the CEO of Nylah’s food and manufacturing company, a business venture that focuses on sustainable foods, and helps to reduce post-harvest loss. Nylah’s products incorporate fruits and vegetables in their production process. Some of which are artisanal breads, granolas, and lemonades.

The lemonades are made from fresh juices and infused with lemongrass. Which are fantastic immune boosters. The granolas are nut allergy friendly and rich in fiber, low cholesterol and minerals and nutrients. Chef Nylah believes that food is not just about eating but an experience that should be savored passionately. Nylah’s products can be found in all ShopRite stores nationwide and other retail stores in Lagos and Abuja.

Chef Nylah is a trained chef from the International Culinary School at The Art Institute of Washington in Rosslyn, Virginia. With a degree in Culinary Arts and Hospitality Management. She is a retired United States Air force veteran where she served as a Nuclear weapon security specialist and an EDC Alumni.

She shares her inspiring journey with Esther Ijewere in this interview.

Childhood Influence

I was one of those kids that played with cooking growing up. I would make little fires and cook junk growing up. In an interesting way, my childhood did prepare me for what I do now.

Inspiration behind Nylah’s Food and Beverage

I was tired of seeing the number of foods that we lose in the Nigerian market. We lose about $750 billion dollars yearly to post harvest loss. I started asking myself how I could help. What unique products could we at Nylah’s create to do our bit in helping to reduce that number, and how can we help reduce the unemployment rate most especially as it affects women. That was how Nylah’s Lemonades were born. We use fresh juices and infuse them with lemon grass.

The Journey so far

It has been an interesting and bumpy ride to say the least. I have chosen to take every experience good or bad as a lesson in what to continue to do or not to do.

Having my product sold at Shoprite

I would honestly say persistence. I chased it for almost a year as I tried to grow my reach with other companies. Consistency also contributed to it.

Why I ventured into Granola production

I always look for the gaps in our industry and try to bridge it. Using natural flavorings in some of our variants as well as focusing on a less served market in the granola industry, we positioned ourselves to serve that market.

Challenges of my work

Access to funds to allow us to scale, Proper staffing sometimes is also a major problem, not to mention the economy and its impact on businesses.

3 women who inspire me to be better and why

Jola Ladipo – Never met anyone as selfless as she is. She forces me to reflect and ask myself daily what I can do better as a person and for others.

J.K Rowling – We share similar stories and I know that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a myth.

My last is to every woman out there who when she gets up, the devil shivers.

Key nuggets on how to become a successful food manufacturer

Keep practicing your craft.

Learn the numbers as they govern your business. This cannot be stressed enough.

Expand your network.

Never stop learning and evolving.

Being a Woman of Rubies

I inspire and lift other women up. I have created a channel of employment for other women and set them up on the right path.

In lifestyle February 19, 2021 By Women of Rubies

5 Things You Can Do In 5 Spare Minutes During Your Day.

Unarguably, people waste too many seemingly inconsequential time slots several times a day.

For example, while you are waiting your turn at the ATM, while you are waiting your turn at the mall. While you are waiting for your food to be heated, while you are waiting for your browser to load,thanks to poor internet connection, etc. All of these little time slots may seem little but can be put to some great use.

Here are 5 things you can do in 5 spare minutes during your day.

1. Call a friend or a relative

You promised to call your friend back last week but somehow, you forgot. Now is the time to do that. Return calls you missed, check up on that friend or relative, while you wait for the internet to come back on on your computer.

2. Snap some photos

Take a photo of yourself. It must not be something exquisite but you can take a selfie. Snap some photos of something fascinating around you. There’s something that must have caught your attention. Maybe it is the way your mouse pad blends perfectly with your water bottle. Take a shot.

3. Do some exercise for your eyes

Digital screens tire our eyes out very quickly. Try a simple set of exercise for your eyes to ease the fatigue: look up and down, left to right, ‘draw’ diagonals and circles with your eyes, and then look far away. Repeat as often as needed.
Look outside your windows. Stare into space for a while. Close your eyes and allow them breathe for sometime.
Take your eyes off the screen for five minutes and return back to it. Your eyes will thank you.

4. Exercise!

Tabata intervals work great for that. Tabata training is a four-minute mini-workout that consists of 20-second intervals of exercising and 10-second rests. Here’s my favorite combo: Jumping jacks, push-ups, high knees, squats! Listen to your favorite song while doing that to make things more fun… or, you know, you can always just dance intensively to that song.

You can also take a break and walk around, especially if your work involves you sitting still at a table. Stretch your legs and let them catch a break from being at a spot.

5. Have a silent conversation with yourself

We talk to others, we ask for people’s opinions, we make meaningless small talks every day. It is easy to forget to pay attention to your own feelings and ideas. Next time you have 5 minutes, ask yourself what mood you are in, is anything bothering you, or just ‘discuss’ a creative idea!
Have occasional ‘board meetings’ with yourself as many times as you can in a day. It not only keeps you in tune with yourself and your emotions but it also helps you reach forth and draw inspirations from within.

Which of these are you going to try out today?

In lifestyle February 18, 2021 By Women of Rubies

6 Ways You Can Overcome Feeling Anxious

Have you ever heard the saying, ‘the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself’? Simply put, it essentially suggests that if you spend all of your time worrying about how bad things are going to be in the future, you could easily end up stuck in the past. Not to mention the fact that you won’t be able to enjoy the present if you’re living your life consumed by fear and feeling anxious for no reason.

Anxiety itself can come from a variety of stressors, such as medical conditions, relationship issues, and money matters. By definition, anxiety generally refers to ‘an intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear that is out of proportion to normally occurring situations that we experience. Some of the most common symptoms of anxiety include insomnia, racing thoughts, poor concentration, irritability, restlessness, palpitations, trembling, nausea, and sweating.’

Similar to your favourite video game, obstacles in life tend to get a lot more challenging the further along you go, increasing your level of stress as you reach each milestone or complete each mission. No one is immune to experiencing stress.

If you’re alive, you’re going to feel some form of stress at one point or another in your life, it’s inevitable. And as most of us already know by now, having too much stress in our lives can lead directly to severe anxiety.

So now, let’s take a look at some anxiety-busting strategies to help you cope more effectively with the severe and debilitating experience of feeling anxious for no reason.

1. Set Realistic Goals

Although you may be able to accomplish anything that you put your mind to—such as losing weight, improving your relationships, or making more money—carefully consider the level of stress involved in whatever it is that you intend to do.

Become a student of your surroundings. Learn as much about the people, places, and things in your life as possible. Whether your dream is to bring the world closer together by creating a brand new social media platform or to open up a cool corner cafe in your own hometown, you’re going to have to be able to cope with some form of stress to make whatever you decide to do in your life a success.

With that said, set goals that are challenging but attainable with hard work and determination.

2. Set Firm Boundaries

Map out your emotional territory. From the very beginning of history, conflict has been an inherent part of the human experience. The more conflict, the more stress, and the more stress, the more anxiety, and so on.

Besides learning how to strengthen your body and soul, you can significantly reduce symptoms of anxiety by taking better care of your mind. When you set firm boundaries with others, you give yourself the emotional space to process the value of relationships on your terms.

Let the people that surround you know exactly what you are willing to do and how far you are willing to go. Ultimately, this will help you avoid feeling overwhelmed by setting realistic and manageable expectations with others.

3. Set Priorities

Choose your emotional battles wisely. Not every stressful situation necessarily leads to debilitating symptoms of anxiety. Rather than trying to tackle the most profound obstacles in your way all at once, reverse triage the situation by chipping away at smaller issues first.

Consider taking on challenges that you feel you can manage effectively with the least amount of effort. Get the momentum going as you lead with your strengths. And then, as you begin to break through each obstacle in your way, take a personal inventory of your accomplishments. Take note of all the progress that you were able to make along the way, as well as how you were able to muster up the courage and internal fortitude to keep moving forward even in your most difficult and precarious moments.

4. Pace Yourself

When you’re feeling anxious for no reason, one of the best things to do is to pace yourself. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. The key to longevity in whatever you do is setting a manageable pace to avoid burning out before you make it to the finish line.

So, try not to get ahead of yourself as you work your way up and through the gauntlet of impending issues that we will all ultimately face along the way in life. Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will your own personal empire, no matter how entrepreneurial or emotionally fuel-efficient you may be.

Rather than trying to accomplish all of your goals as fast as possible, you may be better off striving to reach attainable milestones on your journey. Whether you’re dealing with problems at work or home, do as much as you can to address and resolve your issues without getting yourself stressed out and overwhelmed.

And if you just can’t get a handle on the situation, know when to say when. You just may need to step away from the battle for a moment or two, so that you can ultimately return to the front and fight the good fight another day emotionally re-energized.

5. Talk to Someone

You can’t see the forest from the road. That is unless you’re able to somehow see above the treeline. Many of us experience tunnel vision when we’re dealing with something that we perceive to be a major problem in our lives. We find ourselves consumed with the circumstances that surround whatever it is that’s bothering us while losing sight of many of the other important things in our lives.

Taking the time to talk through your greatest fears with the right person can help you break through even some of the most seemingly impenetrable walls of anxiety that you have ever experienced. Talk therapy works if you work it.

In other words, if you want to change the fruit, you have to start at the root. The more you open up to another person about the things that make you feel anxious, the less likely those things will negatively impact your life moving forward.

6. Breathe

Have you ever worried about something so much that you actually ended up feeling physically sick, emotionally drained, even gasping for air? I know that I have. Sometimes, we may feel anxious for no reason.

If you haven’t realized it by now, life is like a perpetual obstacle course. It’s full of ups and downs, plenty of unexpected twists and turns, a bunch of hurdles, and even a few trap doors along the way. However, rather than being the first to arrive at an actual finish line, you may want to focus your attention on simply being able to make it through to the other side successfully, accomplishing as much as you can in your life-time with as much peace of mind as possible.

Holding your breath until you get what you want might work a few times when you’re a child but not at all when you’re an adult with responsibilities like paying your bills and maintaining healthy relationships with others. With that said, at one point or another, you are going to have to come up for air to help clear your mind and replenish the oxygen in your lungs. Similar to pre-flight instructions, if there’s a problem in the air, you have to put your oxygen mask on first.

Conclusion

In conclusion, no matter how cool, calm, and collected you may appear to be at one point or another in your life, you are going to experience stress in one form or another. Too much stress can ultimately lead to a variety of debilitating symptoms of anxiety, which in turn, negatively impacts your quality of life.

Now, more than ever, as we all learn how to adapt to our post-pandemic new-normal world, many of us are experiencing symptoms of anxiety no matter how hard we try to manage the level of stress in our lives. By learning how to effectively cope with anxiety, we can ultimately break right on through it so that we can live an even more productive and fulfilling life.

Nevertheless, perhaps the most common-sense strategy to reduce experiencing symptoms of anxiety is to avoid putting yourself in highly stressful situations in the first place if possible.

In lifestyle February 16, 2021 By Women of Rubies

9 Reasons Why You Feel Tired All the Time

Why am I so tired all the time and have no energy?

I’ve noticed lately that when I ask friends how they’re doing, half the time their response is either “tired,” “exhausted,” or “beat”—it’s almost as though being worn out is just another part of our busy, modern-day lives that we’re somehow supposed to get used to.

But I believe that when our bodies and minds are in sync and healthy, we should feel amazing and energized even when our schedules are full. If we’re getting enough rest, exercising, and eating foods that fuel us, we should feel strong, satisfied, and alert. But as most of us know, that’s easier said than done, and there are several reasons why you may be feeling mysteriously tired.

Read on to find out some of the most common causes—then make some lifestyle changes or see your doctor so you can rediscover the energy you need to feel your very best!

Dehydration

Even slight dehydration has been shown to cause moodiness and fatigue in women; other signs can include headaches and inability to concentrate. It’s an easy fix: just drink more fluid throughout the day! Women should consume, on average, 2.7 liters of fluids (or about 11.5 cups) a day, more if it’s hot outside or you’ve been exercising. Try to keep a big bottle of water on your desk while working or in the car when when driving, so you can continuously sip throughout the day.

Not getting adequate sleep

Before you roll your eyes at how obvious this one is, think about it: are you really getting seven to eight hours every night? Because that’s the amount the National Sleep Foundation recommends most people need. Well actually, that’s the suggestion for people over age 64—they advise seven to nine hours for people between the ages 18 to 64. And if you’re not getting that much, then it’s probably the main cause of your fatigue. Make an effort to get to bed earlier, and stick to a regular nighttime routine that encourages a restful nights’ sleep.

Sleep apnea

Sometimes people think they’re getting a good night’s sleep, but if you suffer from sleep apnea, you experience short bursts of wakefulness through the night caused by brief interruptions in your breathing. It’s also not a condition that should be taken lightly. If you snore loudly and feel tired even after a full night’s sleep, you might have sleep apnea. Since people often aren’t even aware that they have it, a doctor may order a sleep test to diagnose.

Not fueling your body with the right kind of food

Eating too little is an obvious issue, but eating the wrong foods can also be a major drain on your energy level. Eating less fiber, more saturated fat, and more sugar throughout the day is linked with lighter, less restorative sleep. In one study, researchers tracked diet, and sleep for a group of healthy adults over the course of five nights and found that indeed, food choices during the day did affect sleep. So, including protein (eggs, fish, meat, lentils), healthy fats (avocado, nuts), and good-for-you-carbs (fruit, slower processed grains like quinoa and oats) will give you long-burning energy. Simple carbs and sugar will make you crash and burn.

Anemia

In particular, iron deficiency, anemia is one of the common reasons for fatigue in women and is more common during pregnancy. While initially, it can be so mild it often goes unnoticed, once the body becomes more deficient in iron and anemia worsens, the signs and symptoms intensify. Some of these symptoms include extreme fatigue, weakness, headaches/dizziness, cold hands and feet, and more. See your doctor for some blood tests on your iron levels then take a high-quality supplement, and incorporate iron-rich foods into your diet.

Not getting enough exercise

It may seem counterintuitive, but anyone who regularly works out will tell you that breaking a sweat actually gives you more energy throughout the day. Exercise delivers oxygen and nutrients to your tissues and helps your cardiovascular system work more efficiently.. It just makes sense—when your heart and lung health improve, you have more energy to tackle daily chores.

Hypothyroidism

Your thyroid controls how fast or slow your body converts fuel into energy, and hypothyroidism (a condition in which your thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough of certain crucial hormones) means that it’s under-active which can lead to obesity, joint pain, infertility, and heart disease. Fatigue is also a side effect of this condition. Head to the doctor for a blood test if you think you may need to get your thyroid checked.

Food allergies or sensitivities

If you have an undiagnosed food allergy or sensitivity or suffer from environmental allergies, you could be in a cycle of inflammation and fatigue also known as brain fog. Try eliminating certain foods to test your intolerance levels (a simple elimination diet is a good start), and see if your fatigue improves.

Depression

Many people don’t realize that depression has physical symptoms as well as emotional ones. If you’ve been feeling down and tired for a few weeks, especially combined with a loss of appetite or headaches, consider seeing a doctor or speak with someone that can help.

In self development February 15, 2021 By Women of Rubies

8 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeal to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic.

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

2. Listen.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

3. Become an Expert.

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

4. Lead with stories.

If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail.

5. Be Effusive with Praise

Celebrate the unique abilities and skills of people. Be quick to celebrate people’s accomplishments, no matter how little.
Lavish praise on people when they do something right. Don’t always be that person who points out the faults in people.

6. Be Kind Rather Than Right

For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

Prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position.

7. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced.

8. Understand Your Work.

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

In lifestyle February 14, 2021 By Women of Rubies

3 Simple Ways to Get Along Better With Your Loved Ones

Why don’t we get along with our spouse, parents, kids or other important people in our lives as much as we’d like?

The reality in the lives of far too many people is that their relationships with those closest to them are too strained, difficult, and disconnected to think they’ll ever get along.

Maybe you have heard these statements…

“He just doesn’t get me,” from a son who had tried several times to explain why he chose a particular career path to his father.

“All my husband cares about is himself” from a wife whose husband doesn’t commit himself to following through plans with her.

Or maybe you have heard somebody swear not to visit their family anytime soon because they are ‘difficult’.

It’s pretty obvious that it’s beyond the belief of these people and so many others that they can heal the past and rebuild their relationship once again.

But why?

Why do all the things that have happened in the past scar the present moment and make it difficult (or in some cases feel impossible) to have a good relationship with another person?

The answer is that we tend to live in the past and carry it with us, even though it’s really our version of the past and may not be anyone else’s version.

Why don’t we all just forget the past and get along?

The simple version is that you have your way of looking at life and the other person has his or her way. The upshot is that your “rules” for living clash and both people want to be right.

The two people live in separate realities.

We try to get the other person to see the world the way we see it and are pissed off when they don’t.

But it can be different.

How?

Here are 3 ways to get along better with those you love even if you don’t see eye to eye…

1. Come to a neutral place inside you concerning this person or situation.

In order to get to a neutral place, you’ll want to stop spinning stories about what’s gone wrong.

That’s not to say you put a happy face on what happened in the past but it is to stop repeatedly reliving it.

2. Be willing to open the door to connection and understanding.

Notice if there’s even the slightest desire inside you to connect more deeply with this person.

It is a possibility that you don’t have all the information about a particular situation.

When you approach this situation or person with curiosity, you’ll be more open to a new understanding.

While opening your heart to understanding doesn’t mean you have to agree with what happened in the past, it does mean that you both may see something new that will create a healing.

3. Set boundaries from a loving place of knowing inside you.

It may be that you need to set some boundaries with this person but you can do this from love and not tightness or anger.

You can listen to what’s deep inside you and speak that from your heart without apology while still staying open to loving this person.

You can heal a relationship divide while still staying true to who you are.

When you do, you’ll have less stress and more ease and love in your life.

I hope this helps.

In lifestyle February 13, 2021 By Women of Rubies

Tips on Picking the Perfect Valentine Gift

It is that season where everyone and everywhere seems mushy mushy about love and while some people have gotten comfortable basking in the euphoria that comes with the season, others are overwhelmed with a rave of confusion and one of them is ‘how to find the perfect valentine gift for the one I love’

Now, while valentine’s day is a day of love, it isn’t specifically said it must be a day of only romantic love. What this means is that you can gift anyone -ranging from your romantic partner, siblings, colleague at work, down to your religious leaders and parents.

No doubt, there’s a little anxiety about how to get the perfect Valentine gift for your loved one. Read on, this article presents you with tips on how to go about it seamlessly.

Linger in your loved one’s closet.

I mean that both figuratively and literally. Give yourself a day where you think about their day. What’s in it, what its stresses are, what its delights are. The best response you can get is, “How did you ever think of this?” The answer: you thought of them.

Ask an expert.

Nahhhh. I do not mean you talking to some expert you find online. I’m thinking of that expert who is a best friend, who loves the same thing your loved one does, who shops in exactly the same places. Simply ask them, “What would you get X or Y for Valentine?” Seek and ye shall find.

Give where they give.

I’m always touched when someone gives a gift to a worthy cause in my name. It’s even more touching if it’s a worthy cause that they know I give to regularly. They’ve read my heart.

Listen.

She will tell you what she wants/likes even if she doesn’t realise.

This may seem like an obvious tip but most people tend to drop hints about what they like and want, even if they don’t realise they are doing it.

They may have said that after their next pay-day, they might spoil themselves with those new earrings, gadgets, make-up brushes, trainers, speakers, etc. which is an obvious indication of the things they want. Another huge one to listen out for is, “I want a few new cushions for the sofa but I can’t justify getting them right now.”

However, some women may be a little more subtle or not be trying to drop hints at all. Some more phrases worth listening out for are:
– I’m nearly out of perfume
– My boots are starting to look really worn
– I could do with a jewellery box

The key to surprising people with gifts they wants is to listen for indicators in normal conversation, especially if she is complaining (as everyone does) about something she currently has! Also, make a note of it straight away so you don’t forget.

Think about them as a person.

We don’t just mean think about ‘what will they like’ as you desperately rush around a store. We mean think about what they already have and what they already like. Do they have a lot of jewellery or home knick-knacks, are they a fan of wine, tea or soft drinks, what do they enjoy doing?

Write down what you already know about them in a list and you’ll be surprised how much difference this makes when you shop for a gift.

For instance, if you know they have a lot of jewellery, you might realise that you don’t really want to buy them more, but it shows they might need something to keep it all together, something like a jewellery box.

By following this thought pattern you can explain why you bought her/him that gift and, trust us, if you show her/him it’s because you pay attention to her/him, you will get some major brownie points.

Buy a simple gift but make it unique.

You know they like a drink of wine in the evening . Yet what can you do with that information to give them something they’ll love – getting them some new wine glasses and a bottle of rosé might sound a bit simple.

But, it’s important to remember that when you are buying gifts for them, you want to get them something that they’ll love and use. So take those wine glasses and that bottle of wine and have them personalised with a special message or date that will be meaningful.

The same idea can work with so many other types of gifts too like jewellery, cushions and even candles.

This will show that not only have you thought about what they like but taken that information to a whole new level to make sure you put a real smile on their face.

Don’t buy her/him something mundane – spoil her/him!

However, the key to getting her a gift she will love is buying something that spoils her. You may argue that she is not the type of woman that likes being spoiled, however, we are here to tell you that any woman likes knowing someone loves her enough to really put effort into her gift and buy her something special.

Don’t fall into the trap of getting her something she needs that isn’t special, for instance:
– I’m nearly out of shampoo
– My break pads are starting to look really worn
– I really like my mum’s fabric softener
– I could do with some new socks

You see what we mean.

A gift doesn’t have to be a thing.

Bear with us for this one. If you think of buying a gift, you think of a (hopefully) beautifully wrapped item that she can open and hold – This doesn’t have to be the case.

If there is something you think she may enjoy doing it’s possible that an experience day or weekend away may be a better gift for her than a new jumper.

There are so many experience days out there, from spa days, vineyard tours and cupcake decorating classes to super car driving blasts and bungee jumping experiences, so it’s definitely another thing to put into the equation when buying gifts for her.

The perfect gift could be an experience, a dinner out, tickets to a concert or a play or better yet a gift that can be given all year: “I’m bringing you breakfast in bed the first Saturday of the month for the rest of the year” or “I’m going to help you clean up your closet by the end of February.” The gift is in the doing.

In lifestyle February 12, 2021 By Women of Rubies

4 Relationship Rules Every Couple Should Break

Whether you consider yourself to be a “rule breaker” or not, sometimes you’ve just got to break relationship rules.

The fact is that we all live by a set of rules. We may not call them that or even be aware of what these rules are most of the time. In fact, we live by most of our rules completely unconscious of them.

So what rules are we talking about and why “Should” we break them?

We’re talking about the “rules” that you, us and everyone else lives make up in every moment of our lives.

These rules that we’re talking about could include ideas and beliefs that your parents either preached about or showed you by example and you adopted even though you may not have realized it.

Also, these rules are the beliefs that society subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) says you should or shouldn’t do.

These rules that you live by (often unconsciously) act as the rudder or guide for what you will or won’t do in your life.

In fact, most of the rules we live by in our relationships and marriages actually keep us from having all the love and passion that is possible for us instead of giving us more.

You know the ones we’re talking about…

You have them in your own life if you think about them.

Ideas like…

“Marriage is hard so just make the best of it”

“It’s your duty as a woman so lie down and get through it the best way you can”

Or “Passion dies after a few years of being together so don’t expect it to last very long.”

Wow–even though you may not have those specific beliefs, we’re guessing that you have some beliefs and rules that hold you back from experiencing your best life and relationships possible.

Here are 4 relationship rules we love to break so we can keep passion alive in our relationship (and we urge you to break them often too!)….

# 1 Rule to Break: Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable and totally honest about who you are

This is one of the biggest unspoken relationship rules we’ve seen demonstrated and passed down generation to generation.

It’s the one that says, “If you’ve been hurt before, don’t open yourself to anyone else. Keep a part of yourself private and don’t allow yourself to ever be vulnerable like that again.”

While we know that it’s not easy to open to another after you’ve been in pain, if you’re holding back a part of yourself, you’re also holding back love.

And that withholding of love can only increase the feeling of distance and separation between the two of you.

This withholding shows up in our communication with one another.

#2 Rule to Break: Romance, passion and intimacy should happen spontaneously.

The fear behind this rule is that planning for passion leads to boredom in a relationship.

There’s the belief that for passion to be exciting, you have to always be spontaneous–that if you take out the mystery and surprise, you’ll both get bored.

While this may be true for some people, we’ve found that the opposite is true for most of us.

The truth is that when you make passion a regular part of your life, the juice between the two of you just increases.

The author Malcolm Gladwell said that you can become an expert on anything by doing it for 10,000 hours.

Now we’re not saying that you have to spend 10,000 hours in the throes of passion to get good at it but we are saying that it can increase instead of decrease if you make passion more a part of your life.

And you do that by planning it–because if you don’t, you know as well as we do that life will get in the way and it won’t happen.

And you do it by having a passion mindset and looking for it in the most unlikely ways.

So break this rule and deepen your connection and passion with each other.

#3 Rule to Break: No touching or shows of intimacy in public

How many couples do you see holding hands when they walk or sitting in a restaurant?

Not many, right?

For some reason, it seems to go against the grain to show even innocent signs of affection in public–even though it’s one of the things that can help keep your passion and connection going.

Even though relationship advice articles encourage what we’ll call light-weight public displays of affection–(holding hands, sitting close, putting your arm around your partner)–for people in relationships of many years…

They just don’t do it.

Whether they don’t think they have to “try” that hard, they think “we’re not teenagers anymore” or there are too many old grievances between the two of them to allow themselves to show this kind of love and affection…

They don’t do it.

We suggest you take the plunge and go out on a limb. Break this rule and reach for your partner’s hand the next time you’re out. See what happens.

#4 Rule to Break: You don’t have to treat your partner with respect after being together for a few years

If there’s one thing we see as we observe other couples, it’s that as time goes on, there’s a tendency to forget about respecting each other and they take each other for granted.

This lack of respect can come in the form of not acknowledging one another when one person returns home after being away.

It can come in the form of allowing the interruption of a telephone call, email or Facebook to take precedence over listening to your partner when he or she talks to you.

Or it can come in the form of using unkind words to your partner when kind words would work just as well.

If you want passion to grow, you have to start respecting each other.

Take a moment now and look at your interactions with your partner to see where you might be more loving and respectful of him or her.

In lifestyle February 11, 2021 By Women of Rubies

5 Real Relationship Goals You Should Yearn to Achieve

We have undoubtedly seen a lot of #RelationshipGoals hashtags and memes on social media ranging from pictures of cute couples with matching outfits to poorly exaggerated and overly unrealistic images.

Relationship goals are very important because growth is always needed when building a relationship.

However, the relationship goals portrayed in this trend are beginning to lose their true meaning and become over-the-top, nothing more than a cute picture to be seen on social media.

Making real relationship goals does not just mean taking walks in the park and cuddling on the sofa. It involves making plans and goals for yourselves as a couple so that you can reach for real happiness and longevity in the relationship.

You should know that everyone is different, and while a couple might love each other very much, their goals and plans might differ. This difference and lack of common goals can cause conflict in relationship and possibly break it if you do not understand each other well enough.

Therefore, it is important to discuss your proposed goals together and make sure that you are on the same page either as a player or as a supporter.

On this note, here are 5 important long-term relationship goals you should actually strive toward.

1. Communicating and Listening to Each Other.

No matter how much a couple loves each other, lack of communication could ruin the relationship. Communication is one of the most important ingredients of successful relationships and marriage.

It is important for couples to be able to communicate and understand each other whenever the need arises without hindrance or fear of misunderstanding.

Couples need to learn to speak about their feelings, listen to each other and resolve issues properly without having to hurt each other.

A lot of couples are stuck in unhappy marriages due to lack of communication and inability to listen to each other. As much as listening is overlooked, it is also very important for couples to listen to their partners so they can understand and help each other. This is one of the reasons better communication and listening is one of the goals that couples should develop.

2. Being on the Same Page About your Future.

Of course, it’s cute that you are both happy with each other, but it might be a good idea to discuss, evaluate and understand where you are both headed so you can move in that direction happily.

Aligning your goals is a relationship goal you should both have. This will dispel misunderstanding and leave no doubt in your minds about what your future targets are, including enhancing each other’s career and investing for a better future.

3. Talking About Money.

Whether it’s friendship, family, work, marriage; money is always a major cause of conflict in all types of relationships.

So, one of your relationship goals should be to set up a proper financial management system which is transparent and fair so that you can build your finances as a couple. This involves analyzing your income and your needs, making plans together and avoiding frivolous spending.

4. Becoming Best of Friends and Having Fun Together.

In addition to being romantic, you should become best friends, joke and have fun with each other. Having fun with each other should involve participation and suggestions from both of you about activities and fun stuff to do together.

Your relationship goals should include doing what your partner loves doing, just like your partner participates in what you love.

From simple activities like going to the movies or visiting a museum, to bigger events like going on a cruise, you can make your partner happy by showing interest in what they love. The friendship process entails participation from both parties.

5. Keeping the Spark Alive.

One important relationship goal is to always keep the fire of passion burning in your relationship. In addition to sex, there are several ways you can do this that will please your partner. Most people think that marriage and long-term relationships usually lead to a decline in passion and sexual relations, but this is not true and should not be so. Lovers should always strive to spice things up and please each other in bed as much as possible.

Women of Rubies