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Esther Ijewere

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In self development By

THE PROBLEM WITH FAKE IT TIKE IT

“Fake it ‘til you make it’ is a common phrase in today’s culture, which implies you should just do it—whatever it is—whether you feel like it or not, and let your feelings jump on board later. While this might be a decent work ethic in theory, the question remains—is it ethical? And more importantly, is it Biblical?

The definition of the word “fake” literally means “counterfeit.” Inauthentic. When you invest time into pretending to be someone you’re not, or feeling something you don’t feel, you’re using up any available mental and emotional space that could be used for authentic, genuine connections instead. It doesn’t seem like a smart trade. So, when you “fake it ‘til you make it,” you’re essentially relying on your own confidence and self-esteem to sustain you, rather than your identity in Christ

Called to Be Real, Yet Conforming to His Image

On the other hand, there’s certainly some truth to the concept of acting now, and letting your feelings catch up later. This is an impasse I’ve been praying through for a while and is a topic a friend and I have been discussing at length lately. We both feel the same way—convicted about the whole concept of “fake it ’til you make it.” We’re both genuine people, and the dynamic of faking it—for however good a cause—feels wrong to us, even bordering on lying. Yet, we know there’s a certain tension between doing the right thing, regardless of our feelings, when it comes to obeying the Lord.

We have to be careful, because the other end of this spectrum thinks “Well, I don’t genuinely feel this way about X, so I won’t even try to feel otherwise.” Maybe you don’t “feel like” forgiving someone that hurt you, or “feel like” loving that difficult-to-love person, so you attempt to justify disobedience. That’s edging dangerously close toward the concept of obtaining a license to sin, which Paul specifically forbids in “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (Romans 6:1-2 ESV) You’re never excused from obeying the commands of the Bible because you don’t feel like it.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

True Strength Comes from God, Not an Illusion

True Strength Comes from God, Not an Illusion

But the real meaning of the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” isn’t usually in regard to lying, or even directly going against the Word of God—rather, it’s founded in the attempt to force something by our own means and effort. Whether that “something” is fame, status, respect, love, forgiveness, or confidence, it’s steeped in striving in our own power—and that effort will fail us every time. We’re not perfect, and we never will be this side of heaven.

Yet, it goes against our flesh to admit weakness. Our society thrives on the illusion of having it all together, but that’s not reality. It’s a distorted mirror, one that reflects the inner brokenness of our spirit in need of Christ. True strength is found in recognizing the Strong One, and giving Him glory.

“Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:30-11 ESV)

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Uncover Your True Motivations

Uncover Your True Motivations

When you’re tempted to “fake it ‘til you make it,” what is your heart’s motivation? Are you trying to become more successful? Boost your own confidence? Climb the corporate ladder? Impress a man? If you’re feeling pressure or the urge to fake it, then odds are, you aren’t motivated to grow closer to the Lord and be further sanctified in Him at the same time.

Odds are, instead, you’re acting out of fear, insecurity, or doubt—which is acting out of the flesh. Resist the temptation to do so and walk in the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is authentic, and according to His word, He won’t lead us astray. “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25 ESV).

Stay close to Him and His Word, and you will put to death the desire to make much of yourself. “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30 ESV).This command isn’t just to exalt God—it’s also for our good.

As sinful humans, we’re not meant to bear the weight of glory. When we strive to further ourselves, be it at work, in relationships, or even in ministry, we typically end up only hurting ourselves. We get stuck in the same exhausting pattern of effort, failure, defeat, shame… effort, failure, defeat, shame…We fall for the lie that we can “fake it” and eventually “make it” or “mean it” or “feel it.” When that feeling never comes, we blame ourselves, and maybe try a littler harder. But it still won’t work. Why? It’s not supposed to. We’re not meant to be self-reliant.

Photo Credit: Pexels/Daria Shevtsova

Lean into the Blessing of Weakness

Lean into the Blessing of Weakness

We do, however, live in a world that applauds self-sufficiency. I can’t help but think that perhaps some of our struggles—some of the areas in which we feel less than and incapable—are actually gifts from the Lord. “Thorns,” as they were, to remind us of our need for Christ. If we were Super Mom or Wife of the Year or Employee Extraordinaire all the time, we wouldn’t cry out for the Lord to change us. To fix us. To mold us and conform us to His image.

No, instead, we would be relying on ourselves and bragging on our own ability, rather than clinging to and boasting in the Lord alone. Maybe “that Thing” you keep wishing your feelings would change about is a blessing in disguise—a blessing to guide you into deeper communion with the Lord and dependence on the Gospel to overcome what you can’t change.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV)

Photo Credit: Pexels/Simon Robben

Truth Shines in a World of Fake

Truth Shines in a World of Fake

Not only do we live in a world that applauds self-sufficiency, we live in a world that celebrates fake—fake images on Instagram, fake body enhancements, fake smiles and fake laughs and fake self-image. Why would we, as believers in Christ, continue the charade? Why not instead shine the true, authentic, genuine love of Christ on those around us, and onto our problems?

Maybe our feelings toward That Thing won’t change overnight, but if they do, we know it’ll be the grace of God conforming us further to His image. We’ll give Him glory for the work He’s done, rather than pat ourselves on the backs for “grinning and bearing it” one more day. We’ll praise Him for His provision and mercy rather than stress-drink or stress-soak in a bubble bath. We’ll give Him the honor where honor is due, with all humility.

So don’t worry about “faking it ‘til you make it,” sweet sister. Being fake isn’t your goal. Making it isn’t your end game. Living freely and authentically in Christ as He finishes what He started in you, is. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6 ESV).

Betsy_headshotBetsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of fourteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her newlywed hubby, two story-telling young daughters, a collection of Austen novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle Pringles. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she’s not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with HarperCollins, LOVE ARRIVES IN PIECES, and POCKET PRAYERS FOR FRIENDS with Max Lucado. Visit her at http://www.betsystamant.com./

Source: I believe

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#RUBYGIRLS| “MY GREATEST INSPIRATION IS MY ENVIROMENT”- ARINOLA LAWAL

Arinola Halimat Lawal popularly known as Lymar is a fresh graduate of Political Science from Olabisi Onabanjo University. She served as Student Union Government, Vice-President in 2016/2017 academic session and ran for Presidency in 2017/2018 academic session making her the second female to run for SUG presidency since the inception of OOU. She owns “Lymar’s Beauty Touch (Lbt Makeover).” Her favourite game is Politics.

She shares her “Ruby Girl” story in this interview.

Meet Me

I’m Miss Lawal Halimat Arinola , popularly known as Lymar. Lymar is an easy going person. Studied political science, in her early twenties. I love video games and I write stories. Lymar loves to look good and Lymar is a very ambitious lady. Lymar loves Islam. My favorite game is POLITICS!

 

My Inspiration

My greatest inspiration is my environment, why? I was born in Mushin, Lagos and I noticed that the lifestyle of most of its inhabitants is nothing to write home about. And there is a tag on everyone from Mushin as being a bad or low class person . So, this inspired and borne in me the desire to make a difference and let people know that intelligent, smart, and ambitious people can come from the ghetto.

Biggest fear

My biggest fear is losing my mom or dad. I don’t ever want to lose them. I love them so much.

Fashion item or accessory I can’t leave home without.

Earrings and necklace.

Go back in time to correct a mistake or time travel two years into the future?

I’ll choose to travel two years to the future.

 Best Quote
“He who fears to fall can never rise.”

Ambition to serve as  OOU SUG  VICE PRESIDENT  and it’s impact

It was quite challenging, but like my favorite quote says, “he who fears to fall can never rise.” My political inspiration came from Abike Dabiri and Ngozi Okonjie. They are both women who have made changes in the society. I also want to make a change and impact people’s life positively, and it was said by Thomas Hobbes that, “service to humanity is the best work of life.” Contesting as the SUG president was borne out of the fact that since the inception of Olabisi Onabanjo University, a female has emerged as President of its Student Union Government. I felt the need to break this jinx and make history. Although it wasn’t successful but an attempt was made which is the most important. Being the second female to contest for the SUG presidency is also an honour for me.

Why did you step down in your bid for presidency?
I stepped down because there was a mix up along the line.

What do you do in your darkest moment?

I pray.

Being a fresh  graduate, expectations and career path

I see myself working towards my dreams and becoming great in life. My own philosophy of life is taking risk to become great, and am ready to take risks anytime it comes my way. So, I have no fear and of course, yes I intend taking my political ambitions more serious outside school. Watch out.l

If given the chance to be the President of Nigeria for a day, what will you change?

This is a somewhat complicated question. There are so many important things that needs to be changed about Nigeria. Precisely, I would strengthen our level of security.

In the next five years

In the next five years, I should be living a well deserved life with my beloved future husband, making people happy. And my brand would have expand beyond expectation in a positive way in-Sha Allah.

If you were given the opportunity to address a group of girls five years younger than you, what will be your advice to them?

My advice for them would be not to join the calibre of ladies who “slay with empty brains,” that is in as much as they want to look classy and really good, they should ensure they have what to offer to issues and are goal driven. They should focus more on their dreams and avoid being infamous.

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#7QUESTIONS| “I FIND SOLACE IN MY WRITINGS” – SALOME AUGUSTINE

Taraba State born Salome Augustine is  a teacher, a global citizen, and a volunteer. She answers our famous #7questions
1. What is your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is the fear of not being able to face my fears. (Feeling too inadequate)
2.  In your darkest moments, what do you do?
In my darkest moments: I cry sometimes. I find solace in my writings and I listen to lots of music. I talk to friends who I know understand me better but above all, I project myself in the future because I know after the tears, the eyes see more clearer.
3.  What is that one thing you would like to change about yourself?
The only thing I would love to change about myself is not letting anyone bully me into accepting what I don’t like/want.
4.  Where do you see yourself five years from now?
 Five years from now I see myself in a UN or AU office as of an African youth envoy making positive change, especially concerning the global goals.
5.  What keeps you going?
The things that keeps me going are the facts that I know personally  that one man can be the change the world needs. And also seeing that my generation are doing much to make the world a better place to live.
6.   What is your stand on feminism? Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Even though some people have given feminism another definition entirely, for me I believed feminism is a great movement. Going by the historical events that dated back from 19th century till date. I’m glad that feminism promote the equality of women and of girl child.
Yes I considered myself a feminist.
7.  What keeps you up at night?
What keeps me up at night most times are my thoughts. Sometimes mood swings.
***Want to be featured on our #7questions? Send a mail to info@womenofrubies.com
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10 THINGS EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD BE DOING FOR HIS WIFE

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV).

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard work. It takes deliberate effort to follow through on the vows we make on our wedding day. No matter how well prepared we think we are for marriage, we aren’t—not until we begin to walk those vows out. Whether you’ve said, “I do,” recently or you’ve been together for decades, you can count on one thing—your lives will be full of for better or for worse.

So how can you keep your marriage strong in the better and build it back up in the worse? Love your wife more than yourself. Push your needs aside and instead of asking what she can do for you, ask, “What can I do for her?” The list I’m offering next is only meant as a springboard to answer that question. God knows your wife and your marriage. He put you together, and He wants you to stay together. Ask Him to reveal her heart, then pay attention to what He shows you.

1. Touch Her

Most women crave affection outside of the bedroom. In the beginning of your marriage, you probably didn’t even have to think about holding her hand or rubbing her back. The longer we’re married, the more absent our touches can become. Jobs, kids, and financial stress can take priority over focusing on one another.

But even though life gets busy, her need to feel loved by you hasn’t changed. Look at it from her side—the day you married her, she became off-limits to every other man. Any affection she receives only comes from you. That’s a privilege, not a chore. She’s yours to take care of and love. You get her in ways no one else can have her. Don’t withhold something she needs; make touching her a priority. An unexpected hug can be worth a thousand I-love-you’s. Try it and see.

2. Show Her Respect

When you first met, I’ll bet you asked her where she wanted to eat, what movie she wanted to see, or what she thought about her future. When you knew she was the one, you probably saw her as a partner, an equal, and someone to talk things out with. Her opinions mattered.

Now that you’re married, remember that. Keep listening to her, and value her input. Consider her needs even if you don’t understand them. Remember, she’s just as invested in the life you’re making together as you are, and she wants to feel as if she’s standing by your side instead of walking behind you.

3. Carry Her Burden

We get married for a lot of reasons, but one of them is that we don’t want to go through life alone. There’s something appealing about that picture of growing old and gray together. Part of that appeal comes from having someone else to shoulder your burden.

When life weighs her down, step in and bear some of her load. Give her a chance to rest—emotionally, physically, spiritually. Be there for her, and when it comes time to return the favor, she’ll be strong enough to be there for you.

  • 1. Touch Her

    4. Speak Her Love Language

    It’s true that women and men show and receive love differently, but I don’t think it’s about gender as much as it’s about personality. Not everyone speaks the same love language. Chances are, the things that make you feel appreciated and wanted won’t always make her feel the same. When you cart the kids around to give her a break, your heart’s in the right place. But if she really needed you to bring her flowers to feel loved, you’re going to go through a lot of effort to show your devotion and be left disappointed.

    Stop, drop, and roll. Stop and pay attention to what makes her feel cherished. What makes her feel like she’s your number one. Drop what you’re doing if it doesn’t match up. Then roll with what you discover. If you’re not an observant guy, cheat. Ask her what she needs. Yes, she may be irritated that you couldn’t figure it out, but she’ll also be touched that you cared enough to try.

    5. Let Her Be Herself

    You fell in love with your wife for who she was, whether you met her in high school, college, or after. Maybe what first made you fall was her sense of humor, the way she wore her hair, or how you felt when she smiled at you. And you never wanted her to change.

    But people do change. Life brings experiences and circumstances along with responsibilities. And we have to adapt, good or bad. Plus, we want to grow as people, and God is pruning us to be our best. Encourage her to pursue new interests, make new friends, and change her style. Love who she was yesterday and be excited for who she’s going to become tomorrow.

    6. Give Her Space

    When you get married, you naturally spend most of your time together. You live in the same place, have a lot of the same friends, and go to the same events. But even though you’ve merged your lives together, you both still need space. Give her time to be alone, but also give her the space to do the things that are important to her, even if they don’t interest you. If she feels good about who she is alone, she’ll be able to be a stronger partner when you’re together.

    7. Treat Her Better Than a Stranger

    Test yourself this week. Watch how you interact with people you’ve just met. Are you polite? Considerate? Do you answer questions patiently? Listen to their opinions? Check yourself when you’re angry? Now compare that behavior with how you act around your wife.

    It’s been said that we treat the people closest to us the worst—because we feel safe in our relationships to express how we really feel. Expressing ourselves is fine, but we have a choice in the way we go about it. Why not take the gift you give strangers just for being strangers and offer it to your wife?

    8. Expend the Effort

    Whoever tells you marriage is an equal partnership hasn’t been married long—or ever. Not only don’t the numbers come in at 100/100, but they rarely come in at 50/50. Marriage, like life, tends to move in uneven cycles. It’s not fair; it will never be fair. But the bottom line is that you expend the effort it takes to keep the relationship going or you don’t. Your marriage works or it doesn’t. It’s good, bad, or neutral. That’s where your control lies—in what you choose to do.

    If you love your wife, don’t be satisfied with mediocre. You didn’t walk down the aisle thinking you’d be roommates who barely speak. You wanted better—go after it. Even if she’s given up, chances are once she sees you putting her and your marriage first, she’ll jump in and do the same.

    9. Ask Questions

    At first, learning about her feels easy. You want to know her favorite food, the movie she’s seen the most, what she wants to do with her life. Getting married opens a new stream of questions as you learn to live together and make life plans.

    Eventually the newness wears off and the questions taper. You’re worried about what you need to accomplish at work, checking things of your honey-do list, meeting your financial obligations, and your world isn’t in sync with hers the way it used to be. Stop letting her drift away and start asking her questions. Show her you care about what’s going on when she’s not with you.

    10. Be Still and Pray

    There’s a time to ask questions. And then there’s a time to just be quiet and be there. You can’t always fix everything, even if you want to. But you’re not out of options when it feels like everything’s falling apart.

    Don’t beg her to tell you what she needs. Pray.

    Don’t argue over things that will destroy your marriage. Pray.

    Don’t push your ideas on her. Pray.

    And don’t give up. Ever. Just pray.

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A PRAYER FOR WHEN YOUR HEART IS HEAVY

Sometimes, when burdens overwhelm us or times feel hard, we just need to be reminded that we’re not alone in this journey. Maybe the struggle has seemed too hard for a long while now. Or you feel like you’re just stuck, and tired of trying to keep moving forward.

Maybe it’s difficult to see what God is doing, or how He could ever use this situation for good in life. It may be that you’ve found yourself right in the middle of the desert, in the fire, in the flood of hard times; and though you know God is with you, it’s hard to even feel His Presence anymore. Other times, our hearts are so heavy for those we love, and we don’t even know what to do or what to pray. Fear and worry can be tough enemies to battle. They seek to chase peace far away, leaving the uncertainties of the future looming over us, dark and big.

God’s words give strength, purpose, and grace in whatever we might be facing. They alone can bring inner calm and security, that nothing else in the world can give.

A Prayer for When Your Heart Is Heavy:

Dear God,

Thank you for reminding us in your Word that we do not face the storms alone, but you are always with us. Whispering calm. Speaking peace. Bringing rest to our souls.

This world feels like a hard place some days; it’s hurting and broken. We pray for those who are facing deep losses right now, for the times that grief has covered us all. Please comfort us through the painful seasons, surrounding those we love with your huge peace and the reassuring presence of your Holy Spirit

We confess our need for you. We ask you to forgive us for trying to figure everything out on our own, for not trusting that you are more than able and powerful to work on our behalf. Forgive us for picking back up what we already determined to lay down at your feet. Give us the ability to trust you more, give us hearts that find rest in your presence. Give us the wisdom to seek peace and pursue it, remembering that it’s only to be found in you.

Thank you for the promise that your yoke is easy, and your burden is light. Thank you that you care for us so incredibly and that the peace of your loving presence guards and protects our hearts and minds in you. Thank you that we never have to walk in fear or live constantly in these overwhelmed cycles of worry and stress.

Help us to keep our eyes on you, and to see when another soul around us needs to be encouraged. Help us to be faithful to carry one another’s burdens, remembering that we’re all in this life together, and there’s such great power in unity and love.

Thank you that you are the soul refresher, the One who brings us rest, lifts our burdens, and gives peace. Thank you that you renew our strength and encourage our weary hearts. Thank you that you know our needs before we even ask you, that you know our thoughts, and all that troubles us today.

We ask you to please bring us into seasons of refreshing from your Spirit, that you would draw us closer to your presence as we seek to follow you. Help us to remember what’s most important in this world, and what’s not. Teach us to hold on to what matters, and to better know how to let go of what doesn’t.

Thank you for the gift of Jesus and the freedom He brings. For no matter what we go through in this life, or what we’re up against today, we never have to be shaken. You hold us secure, and we’re kept safe with you.

We love you Lord. We need you today, to once again lift from our hearts this heaviness and constant burden, as only you are able. And help us to find rest and hope in you again.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

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10 WAYS TO BE A HAPPIER MOM

When your baby is catapulted into the world, you can’t help but feel joy. You echo the words of Leah in Genesis 30:13, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” But those first moments of bliss are quickly tried by crying infants, sleep deprivation, and all sorts of challenges.

According to a Barna study, eight in ten moms feel overwhelmed by stress. Only nineteen percent of moms report being extremely satisfied as a mom. You know if you hang your happiness on your children’s behavior, you may have to wait a while before you can break into a wide grin.

But there is good news. If you can tap into the joy that comes from obeying Christ and being in his presence, you can be a happier mom no matter what is happening. Happiness (pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness) is actually something you can increase in your life by your thoughts and actions. Here are ten ways to help you be a happier mom:

1. Discipline With Action, Not Tone

You’ve probably yelled this before: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Most likely, you were the one at your wits end while your child was unmoved. Instead of using long explanations or threatening tones, use actions and consequences that will stop your child in his/her tracks. For instance, when my daughter dawdled at breakfast (again), we simply took the food away and served it for lunch. No fanfare or emotion necessary.

2. Drop the Guilt

Don’t fall prey to the victim mentality that makes you feel like a loser all the time. Notice your negative self-talk and seek to turn your bad guilt into good guilt. Bad guilt says “I’m no good” but good guilt says “I did something wrong and I need to fix it.” Focus on the things you can fix and stop expecting perfection from yourself. Failure is an event; not a person.

3. Do Less for Your Kids

Are you still packing lunches for your sixth grader? It’s time to stop. Don’t do for your children the things they can do for themselves. Whether it’s tying shoelaces, homework, or washing dishes, we need to give our kids increased responsibilities as they get older. It will not only make you saner as a mom, it will prepare your children well for independence and adulthood.

4. Pray with Other Moms

The Lord God Almighty stands ready to hear and answer your requests for your children. Make prayer a regular part of your mom life. To add accountability and power, invite another mom to pray with you weekly for your children. You can visit www.MomsinPrayer.org to see if there is a group of moms praying for your child’s school.

5. Focus on the Yes

Motherhood can feel like a big NO. “No, don’t touch that.” “No, I can’t go. I have to watch my kids.” Instead of putting the emphasis on no, find places to emphasize the yes in motherhood like, “Yes, let’s have some fun.” “Yes, let’s do that service project as a family.” “Yes, let’s save up for a family vacation.”

6. Listen to Your Body

Remember what you hear over and over on flights? In case of emergency, place your own oxygen mask on first, and then help your children. We often sacrifice our health because we’re busy with our mom duties. Make sure you listen and respond to your body. Get a good night’s sleep, exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods that will act as fuel.

7. Streamline Your Family Activities

Is your schedule running you ragged? Do you regret saying yes to soccer, baseball, piano, and gymnastics? At your next opportunity, choose less. Perhaps have your children do the same activity to lessen your drive time.

8. Have a Game Plan for Screen Time

The average child age 8-18 spends more than seven hours per day looking at screens. If you don’t have a game plan, it’s just too easy for free time to get gobbled up by mindless screen time. Use technology to bring you together as a family with activities like Friday night movie night and Skyping family members.

9. Seek a Mentor

If you want to learn how to cook, you learn from a cook. In the same way, if you want to learn to be a happier mom, you find a happy mom. Take this mom out to coffee and ask her to share her secrets. It’s extremely helpful to have a trusted advisor who can pray with you and answer questions about what’s happening with your kids.

10. Remember Your Blessing

In the day to day race of motherhood, we can forget how fortunate we are to have kids in the first place. Psalm 113:9 says, “He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.” Imagine what your life would be like if your kids were taken away. Be grateful for your children each day.

 

Which of these ten ideas resonates with you the most?

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Family Life Today, The 700 Club and Turning Point with David Jeremiah. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.

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GINA SMITH:10 LIES SATAN WILL USE TO ATTACK A STRONG MARRIAGE

Spiritual warfare is the tactic Satan uses to distract, destroy, and cause us to stumble. If we are children of God, he knows he can’t have us. But he will do whatever he can to hinder what God wants to do in and through us. Why? Because he hates God and he hates us.

Not only does he hate Christians, he especially hates the marriage between two believers. He’ll use every weapon he has to attack strong marriage and delight when they crumble.

Why does Satan hate Christian marriage?

Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. It is a platform for the gospel. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church,” Paul writes in Ephesians, about marriage. The enemy knows that if he can destroy our marriage or put it in a state of constant conflict and confusion, he will hinder the kingdom-building work God wants to do in and through us.

In marriage, most of the battle takes place in our heart and mind. The enemy knows the subtle lies he whispers in our ear can quickly do a lot of damage.

Here are 10 lies that the enemy whispers in our ears in his attempt to tear down a strong Christian marriage:

Lie #1: Your Spouse Is Meant to Satisfy Your Deepest Longings

“Your needs aren’t being met. They are being ignored. You deserve better than this. Your spouse is not making you happy or putting you first.”

Truth: The only one that can truly satisfy and make me happy is God. No person has the ability to meet all my needs or satisfy my deepest longing.

Lie # 2: If You Don’t Have the Energy to Invest in Your Relationship, That’s Okay

“You are so tired. You don’t have the energy to invest in the relationship with your spouse like you used to. Besides, you are married! You don’t need to do that anymore. They don’t appreciate it anyway and they don’t do much for you either.”

Truth: My spouse is a gift and I need to make it a priority to invest in the relationship. God can give me the strength I need, even when I am tired, to nurture our marriage relationship.

Lie #3: You Can Still Grow in Your Marriage without Intentionally Trying

“I know you haven’t had much time to talk with your spouse lately, but your brain needs a break! You are mentally exhausted. Take some time and scroll through Facebook for a little bit. Oh! Wait! And you need to catch up on your favorite show! Hello Netflix!”

Truth: We never know how much time we have, and we need to make the most of the time we are given. The Bible tells me to “redeem the time” and to live a disciplined life. I need to be careful I don’t waste time.

Lie #4: Date Night Isn’t Something You and Your Spouse Need to Prioritize

“You are so busy! You have to get the kids to school, and then you have all this work to do. And you probably should be more involved at church. Date night can wait.

Truth: It is important that I take time, on a regular basis, to evaluate and prioritize. My marriage is most important, and I need to make time for it, even if it means I can’t be committed to a few other things.

Lie #5: Marriage Is about Making Each Other Happy

“You deserve to be happy and you could really use some romance in your life. You need someone who will meet that need! You should really think about leaving if things don’t get better soon.”

Truth: Marriage is not about my happiness. It is a picture of Christ and the relationship to His church. It is meant to point others to Him. Yes. Romance is nice, and is a part of marriage, but I need to be committed to my spouse and to the covenant I made.

Lie #6: You’re Owed Something Out of Marriage

“You have the right to do what you want to do. You work hard and you are owed something. You work all day, and you deserve to rest. You deserve to be appreciated! You deserve a break from the kids.”

Truth: My life is not my own. I am called to serve my family and have a calling on my life to faithfully obey God regardless of how I feel.

Lie #7: A Budget Is Restrictive and Your Money Is Yours to Spend as You Want

“Don’t worry about budgeting. Why even try? Plus, you need a bigger house and your kids need a bigger yard. You need to be in a nicer neighborhood. You can get a part time job to finance it if you need to.”

Truth:I need to learn how to be a good steward of all that God has given me. I don’t need all that the culture says I need. It’s more important that I use my funds wisely and responsibly, and that I be generous with what I’ve been given.

Lie #8: That Person’s Husband/Wife Has Something Mine Doesn’t

“Don’t you wish that your spouse was more like your friend’s spouse? I bet he doesn’t play video games all evening or work late. If your spouse had a job like his, you’d be able to do so much more!”

Truth:Comparisons are not wise. I need to continue to pray for God to work in my heart and in the heart of my spouse and pray that we would learn how to best serve and encourage each other, being content with what we have been given.

Lie #9: Your Spouse Is the One at Fault, Not You

“You are not at fault! He doesn’t realize how he comes across or that the way that he talks to you causes you to respond that way. He is the one that needs to change, not you!”

Truth:I am responsible for how I respond, no matter what my spouse does or says, and I will be held accountable for my actions.

Lie #10: You’ll Never Change (And You Don’t Need To)

“You can’t help it that you act this way. It’s the way your parents were. You learned it from them. You will never change.”

Truth: No matter what my parents did or how I grew up, I do not have to choose to repeat any negative behavior. With the help of God, I can do what is right and honor God with my words, and actions.

No matter how strong our marriages may seem, none of us are immune from these lies and, in a moment of weakness, we can fall prey to believing any and all of them.

We need to remember that our love for God should be what shapes and motivates all that we do and say in our marriage. Our posture should be one of servants, not demanding, entitled rulers. When God is elevated, when he sits at the center of your thoughts and life, you will be aware of the fact that only he can meet your deepest longings and needs. Your marriage, although it can be a blessing here in this life, does not exist entirely for our happiness alone, but for God’s purposes.

What lies have you let slip into your marriage recently? What can you and your spouse do this week to reconnect and remember what is true about marriage?

Gina Smith and her husband have served on a Christian college campus as the on-campus parents for over 20 years. They have lived on the campus where they homeschooled and raised both of their children. In her spare time she loves to write and recently authored her first book, “Grace Gifts: Practical Ways To Help Your Children Understand God’s Grace.” She also writes at her personal blog: ginalsmith.com.

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MEET AFRICA’S FIRST FEMALE BILLIONAIRE; ISABEL JOSE DOS SANTOS

Isabel José dos Santos, is an entrepreneur and investor. She was named by FORBES magazine as Africa’s first female billionaire with a net worth estimated USD $3.7 billion (March 2014). She was also named one of Africa’s 40 Richest people after having increased her stake in Portugal’s ZON Multimedia, a cable TV and Internet company, to 28.8% in 2012. That stake was worth a recent $385 million according to the magazine.

The are questions about how Ms. Santos accummilated her wealth during her fathers reign over Angola from 1979 to 2017.

She also owns 19.5% in Banco BPI one of Portugal’s largest publicly traded banks and is a board member and own a 25% stake, worth a conservative $160 million in Banco BIC Português, which recently acquired Banco Portugues de Negocios, a nationalized bank.

Ms. dos Santos controls her investments through two companies, Santoro Finance, based in Lisbon, Portugal and Unitel International Holdings BV, based in the Netherlands.

Ms. dos Santos started her business career in 1997, at age 24, opening a restaurant in Luanda, called the Miami Beach.

In the early 1990’s she was employed by Urbana 2000, a subsidiary of Angola’s Jembas Group, as an engineer and project manager.

Her father Jose Eduardo dos Santos, has been President of Angola, an oil-rich country with an estimated 40% poverty rate, since 1979, four years after the country gained independence from Portugal. He stepped down in fall 2017 anfer 48 years as president.

Ms. dos Santos holds a Bachelor of Arts & Science from King’s College, London.

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‘WHY WE’RE PROVIDING FREE FIBROID SURGERY TO 100 WOMEN’- DR. SENIYE LULU-BRIGGS

The O.B. Lulu Briggs Foundation, named after the national statesman, High Chief (Dr) O.B. Lulu-Briggs, who passed away on December 27, 2018 in Accra, Ghana is providing free surgery and after-care to 100 women living with fibroids. The programme will be launched with an awareness raising campaign that would kick-off on the Foundation’s 18th anniversary celebration today. Chairman of the Board of the Foundation, Dr (Mrs.) Seinye Lulu-Briggs shed more light in this interview

The O.B. Lulu Briggs Foundation is celebrating 18 years of its philanthropic work. How has the journey been like for you?
It has been a fulfilling journey and I am proud of the work that the Board and staff of the Foundation have been able to do over the years. Primarily, I am grateful to God who has enabled us to have the resources to do this-and who has equally blessed us with the wisdom to celebrate him in this way. On September 21, 2001, I formerly announced that I had established the Olu Benson Lulu-Briggs Foundation. I did so to honour and institutionalise my husband’s prolific giving. High Chief Lulu-Briggs’ love and commitment to humanity shone through his charitable and philanthropic acts. For years, he had provided funding to build and support structures that secure people’s spiritual and material well-being. He was very proud of our accomplishments. The Foundation has, therefore, fulfilled its role and is a fitting Institution to warehouse his philosophy of sharing joy and ensuring that his philanthropic legacy lasts in perpetuity.

For its annivesary celebration, the foundation is focusing on fibroids. What makes this ailment of concern for you?
It was as a result of findings at the second medical mission we hosted this year in Bakana, Rivers State from May 20-24, 2019, where 3,853 people were treated and received health awareness information- earlier in the year in Akinima, 5,105 people received treatment. We do perform surgeries free of charge during our medical missions.

In Bakana, one of the services we offered was ultrasound scanning. We were surprised by the number of women who found out they required urgent fibroid surgery. Regrettably, due to the nature of the surgery and after care requirements needed, we were unable to provide fibroid surgeries during the mission.

However, we promised the women we would cover the cost of the fibroid surgery and after care they required. In the process of planning for their treatment, we discovered about 80 percent of women over 50 years old have fibroids and about 30 per cent of this group will develop symptoms such as undue discomfort of heavy and painful menstrual bleeding, premature labour, miscarriages and even loss of fertility.

We, therefore, decided to mark our 18​th anniversary by addressing the many myths and beliefs about fibroids in our communities through a month-long fibroid awareness-raising campaign. We also felt that our campaign would not be complete without us also offering, free of charge, the most common treatment women with fibroids in Nigeria are prescribed- fibroid surgery and after-care to 100 women who need urgent surgery but cannot afford the high costs associated with it. Fibroid surgeries cost about N500, 000. This is in keeping with our commitment to raising public knowledge about diseases that are prevalent in our communities.

In that case, the foundation has done a lot to promote the health of the people of the Niger Delta.

That is very much true. Past health awareness campaigns include Parkinson’s Disease, Prostrate Cancer, Kidney Disease and Diabetes. You must be aware that we recently provided N50m to endow a chair in Geriatrics at the Rivers State University College of Medical Sciences. For the fibroid project, we are partnering with the University of Port Harcourt Teaching Hospital and Rivers State University Teaching Hospital.

The Foundation actually began its life with the Care for Life Programme, a project that provides healthcare, shelter, caregivers, food, social and spiritual engagement and a monthly cash stipend to elderly citizens in Rivers state who have no resources to care for them. That still remains our flagship project. Since 2005, we’ve provided quality healthcare services, health awareness and education to ​124,826​ men, women and children through 32 free medical missions in rural and semi-urban communities in Akwa Ibom, Bayelsa, Cross River and Rivers State. We provide potable water, build potable water points and toilets in communities such as Ogonokom 1 & 2, Oproama, and Opu Ogbogolo, and in public facilities like the Degema and Port Harcourt prisons, to enhance well-being and public health. And through our education programmes, we build and renovate schools and provide scholarships (add numbers here). We also provide funding to teachers and trainers. Let me add that beyond training, the Foundation also provides working capital, equipment, skills building and training to micro and small business owners, particularly women and youth in our region, over 1,000 have benefitted.

Many would ask why you are doing this when your husband is yet to be buried, close to a year after his death and your family appears to be in a turmoil…
Unfortunately, you are right in a way. My beloved husband, High Chief (Dr) O.B. Lulu-Briggs, our grand benefactor, passed into glory in Accra, Ghana on December 27, 2018. It has been nine months of drama and needless controversy since then. Left to me and a majority of the children of my husband, we would have obeyed his wishes and given him a befitting burial months ago. But his three eldest children seem to have a different plan and they have done everything to keep the burial on hold. But in all these, despite lawsuits and trials by petitions to various law enforcement to tie me and the other children down, we have remained strong and unshaken because we know we are on the side of truth and no matter how long it takes, truth will always prevail. My husband will be buried at the God-endorsed time.

How do you feel, as the matriarch of the family, to see the image of your family negatively splashed across the pages of newspapers?
It is distressing, but perhaps inevitable, because the stakes were high for some people in the family. The initial idea was to blackmail me and falsely paint me as this Jezebel husband killer, but God has been on my side. All efforts to entrap me have been nullified. I have been told other plots are in the offing, but I remain unmoved because my conscience is clear. I lived with and nursed my beloved husband, an extraordinary God-fearing Christian, loving, kind, total gentleman, for years and I will remain loyal to him till my last breath. He taught me so much and reposed a lot of confidence in me while he was alive. As husband and wife, we were one and he died still confident that I would best protect his legacies. That is a huge responsibility that I will never run away from. In a way, I understand that the hostility that has come my way is a continuation of the family tensions and betrayals that my husband managed with grace and fortitude while he was alive. Those who are close to the family are well aware. I also know some of it is due to the contempt that some people in our society have for women. They don’t believe women have any rights or social standing. They are wrong, of course and in my case, I am thankful that my husband a paramount ruler himself had a contrary opinion. He took me to all functions with him, even the chiefly ones, where I was often the only female present. Indeed, I was his better-half.

What are your expectations over an early resolution of this crisis?
One can only hope. Let me state here that I am grateful to the committee set up by our traditional ruler, the King-Amanayabo of the Kalabari for its efforts to resolve the matter of the non-burial of my beloved husband. High Chief’s friends, contemporaries, associates and even acquaintances including former President Olusegun Obasanjo, General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida (Rtd.), High Chief Abiola Ogundokun and many of my late husband’s friends- (most visibly High Chief Abiola Ogundokun), have waded into the matter based on their love and respect for my husband. Our governor, Nyesom Wike has also weighed in. I remain grateful and indebted to all of them, but it takes two wings for the eagle, or any other bird for that matter, to fly. I believe when my husband’s three eldest children finally realise I am beyond manipulation, they will see reason to give due respect to their father, announce a burial date and let his mortal remains be laid to rest as mandated by our Christian faith. I always find it curious that people appear fixated on inheritance, without giving a thought to the fact that the person that worked and built up the assets is no longer here with us and should be given the dignity of a peaceful and loving burial. But the work of God is unstoppable. My life’s mission is to uphold and enhance the legacy left behind by my husband. I will continue to do that, and I believe that he would have been delighted that the O.B. Lulu-Briggs Foundation is continuing its duty of care for humanity as he wished and thoughtfully planned for in his lifetime.

By: Kolawole Igandan

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‘SOME PARENTS ARE WEALTHY IN RESOURCES BUT DON’T REALLY HAVE TIME FOR THEIR FAMILY’

Mrs. Biodun Bello is the Administrator of Wholistic Outreach, a pet project of the wife of the General Overseer of the Redeem Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor Folu Adeboye, with the aim of rehabilitating commercial sex workers, destitute, rescuing stranded and homeless girls, among others. In this interview with ENIOLA DANIEL, the coordinator spoke on parenting, how the mission is rescuing the destitute and what government can do to discourage the social vice.

When did you start Wholistic Outreach and what are the things it set out to achieve?
WHOLISTIC Outreach was established in 2002 by our mother-in-Israel, Pastor (Mrs) Folu Adeboye. It’s a home to cater to commercial sex workers, trafficked girls, and stranded teenagers, restoring their lives and giving them hope. To the glory of God, we achieve this through rehabilitation.

We have a team lead by Mrs. Kemi Aaredokun Richard, and we go out on a weekly basis to brothels and other places to rescue the girls. And we go anywhere they give us the opportunity to minister and tell them about the Love of God and if the manager of the place permits us, after then, we hold special outreach where we go with our medical team and food. And once they come out, we have a shelter home, which we call the first point of entry. They spend a minimum of three months and maximum of six months in the shelter home. We have various programmes for them, they fast, they pray and they go for different programmes including deliverance in Hallelujah House; after that, we reconcile them to their families.

After preaching to them and they accept to follow us, we take them to the police station to record them that they are with us because we don’t want to go against the law, and we sign them out when they are going back to their family. Some go back to their families while the families release others back to us.

What category of people do you rehabilitate?
We deal with girls from age 13 to 38; sometimes we have girls below that age. We send some of them back to school.

Can you tell us how many girls have been rehabilitated since inception and is the Outreach only for rehabilitation of trafficked girls and sex workers?

We have rehabilitated hundreds of girls. Wholistic is mainly for commercial sex workers but we have some girls that ran away from home and are staying under the bridges.

What have been the challenges of changing the orientation of these women to embrace a decent lifestyle?
The challenges are two-fold. We don’t just go to hotels and bring them out; they must be willing before we rehabilitate them. We go there and tell them that there is a better place for them, so we leave after telling and sharing with them. They come out on their own free will.

The challenges mostly are that when they come, some of them get tired and want to go back. Some of them would say they have sex urges and feel like sleeping with men whether they want to pay or not, but that’s why we have counselors, people that stay and pray with them. It’s not something you can stop all of a sudden. Most of the girls don’t really want to go into prostitution; you will be surprised to see some of them are the ones taking care of their family needs.

How do these brothel managers react whenever you visit?
The Bible says that you cannot go to a strong man’s house without binding him. We go in the name of Jesus Christ and with the help of the Holy Spirit. Most of the managers do give their lives to Christ. The manager of the last brothel we visited in Shagamu said he doesn’t want to do the job anymore. One of the girls got married in August. We have lawyers and many who have passed through Universities and are doing well among the rescued.

African parents have been accused of not paying the same level of attention they pay on the female child to the male child, why is Wholistic doing the same rather than focusing on both genders?
RCCG has a home for boys and we call it Habitation of Hope, we have another home for the drug addicts. Presently, we have 48 girls in our home and some of them have children, we have a girl who has been with us since junior secondary school and now she is the University.

What do you do after releasing some of these girls to their parents and they return to the streets because their parents cannot cater to them?
If their parents can’t take care of them, they release them back to us. There are some of these girls from wealthy backgrounds, but they turned into prostitutes. Just like the crime rate in the country is on the rise, it’s the economy that makes some of them do what they do. Some of them follow their aunties to the city without knowing what they’re doing in the city. When the parents cannot take care of their children and one big aunty drives to the village in a big car, they allow their children to follow her; some even take them abroad for prostitution.

You mentioned that some of these girls come from a rich background, what could actually have pushed them into prostitution?
It’s unfortunate that some of our parents are wealthy in resources but don’t really have time for their families. Some may be due to peer pressure.

Picking up a girl as young as 13-year-old off the streets shows how bad the situation is, how do you feel seeing these girls?

You will be surprised to see an 11-year-old on the streets. Some of the commercial sex workers have children in the brothels, many of them give birth in the brothel. A little girl was brought here after she was molested, they destroyed her private part, we treated her and now she’s in JSS1.

We call them daughters in our home, so we sit together and talk and mummy G.O also pays them a visit.

Can you tell us how much you spend on each person monthly?
I can’t give that but I know how much we spend monthly. We spend over N2million monthly, aside from that, we go to mummy G.O to get foodstuff. The mission gives us money on a quarterly basis and she gives us money every month to cater for the needs of the girls.

Do you partner with other NGOs?
This is not about RCCG alone; we just came back from training in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. We have other NGOs that even if my home is filled up, I can call other people to accommodate them.

Based on your experience, what would be your advice to parents and society at large?
Parents must find time for their children; everything cannot be solved with money. We have a girl in our home whose grandfather was molesting her and we got involved, the grandma said, “baba was just playing with her,” after he was caught.

Parents must learn to visit their children in school unannounced. And our daughters must not think everything must be achieved now, they must look at the future, they must know that the sky is just a starting point.

Source: Guardian

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